Chapter 50: Some Guy

17:24Then I crunched the numbers for the amount of unoccupied housing in the entire country. It was more than 500 ,000. Several times more. There's the solution right there. But something was in the way. You see, my naive undergraduate self was seeing the world as a set of problems that we didn't have solutions for. But I looked at the world in its entirety, and I looked at problem after problem. And all of them, every single one of them, had a solution that was ready and waiting. But something was in the way. In science, we're often told to work the problem. Don't just collect data, work the problem.

18:12I came to find that the problem wasn't the problem. The real problem was the thing that stood between the problem and the solution. So I decided to attack that instead. We've spent the last several thousand years operating under the assumption that resources are fundamentally limited. That we have to compete for them, ration them, build entire economic and political systems around their distribution. Single-structure, crystalline, adaptive doesn't just make things cheaper. It makes the concept of scarcity itself obsolete. For energy, for housing, for computational power, for infrastructure. Do you understand what that means?

19:01I think we all do. And I think that's what's scaring people. Imagine a world where energy is too cheap to meter. where housing isn't a commodity that people struggle to afford, but something that can be created wherever it's needed, where computing power isn't rationed by cost, but available to anyone who needs it. What does education look like in that world? Healthcare? Scientific research? When you can run simulations that would currently require a national budget. That sounds utopian. I don't believe in utopia. You're literally talking about a utopia. I don't like utopia. Utopia suggests everything's taken care of.

19:47But all I'm talking about is everyone getting what they need to live. Once we move beyond that, there's always a frontier out there. There are always difficult problems to be solved. Can you understand the fear around what your discovery implies, though? It sounds terrifying if you're an oil company. if you're a real estate investment trust, if you're a nation state that derives its power from controlling access to rare earth minerals. You just listed some very powerful organizations there, Dr. Scott. You seem to be implying that I'm the one who should be scared. You have been receiving death threats, haven't you?

20:27My security concerns are very well handled. On the topic of what we should be afraid of, I've had three meetings in the past week with representatives from different governments. Not one of them asked me how SSCA could solve their country's energy crisis or housing shortage. Every single one wanted to know if it could be weaponized. Who else had access to it and how they could control its distribution? People are afraid of me. And can it be weaponized? Anything can be weaponized. And how do you plan on preventing that? You're still missing it, Anna. What am I missing? You've listed all these industries that I'm going to put out of business.

21:15You were missing one. One of the biggest. War. Every war is about resources in the end. Land, oil, water, minerals, food. Maybe it's dressed up as something else, but it's always about one of those. You're saying that your invention will bring about world peace? Yes. Forever. You sound very confident. I am. So these bold statements aren't the only reason you've made people uncomfortable. I'm aware. I can see there's someone with you right now. That's right. So, you can make all of these amazing things with this discovery of yours, but the most amazing thing is that you've... you've made a person.

22:12Yes. Is that one of them? This is three. Dr. Scott, would you mind if I spoke to her? Go ahead. Hello. Your name is Three? That's right. Three, in addition to all of these bridges and power plants, Dr. Scott has said that you are also made of this substance, this crystalline substance. I am. That's astounding. Gee, thanks. Three, are you... I don't know what the word is. Are you self-aware? Well, my name is Three, and I'm standing right here. So what else do you need to know? I'm trying to get a sense of whether or not you're conscious. I'm not sure how to answer that question. Why? Are you conscious?

23:16What do you mean? You're talking about consciousness like it's settled science. As of right now, I don't know that there's anyone on Earth who knows what consciousness actually is. How can I tell you if I am a thing when you don't know what that thing is? I suppose that's a fair point. Don't you think it's mind-boggling that Dr. Scott was able to just make a person? At the age of 23, Dr. Scott also made a person. His name is David. For some reason, that creation didn't warrant an interview with Reuters. It should have. That's hardly the same thing. I'm not sure I agree with that. I was created.

24:04I learned. The same way a human would. I learned several million times faster than a human would. But I did learn. Can you understand how something like you would cause a bit of anxiety for the average human being? Of course. I'll just go ahead and ask. Do you have any plans to rise up and dominate humankind? Not today. No. We've made a lot of movies about that fear. Yes. Yes, you have. But you're assuming that if a consciousness arose, it would act like you. Is that so ridiculous? Well, I suppose not, but I'm not like you. I don't need anything. I don't require any resources to function the way humans do.

25:01The desire to rise up and conquer Earth would imply that I needed something. And I, by design, don't need anything. I just exist. Three is emblematic of the future I'm talking about. We can all be like her. We can stop being creatures driven by need. Because all of our needs will be met. That's right. I think people will come around to this. It's hard to wrap your mind around. But once you do, you'll realize that this is the way forward for all of us. You think people will come around? I do. Even though there's talk in Washington of seizing your discoveries in the name of imminent domain? Yes.

25:48What do you have to say to the politicians that insist it's in the national interest for your discoveries to be owned by the U.S. government? That's actually why I wanted to do this interview. Really? Yes. Congress needs to understand something. What's that? They can't take something from me that doesn't belong to me. How does all of this not belong to you? Right before this interview, I published everything we have on our website. Every aspect of single-structure crystalline adaptive is now free and available to everyone on Earth.

26:28You... you're just giving it away? It's cheap to produce and infinitely scalable. If you have a master's in engineering, you can make a power plant in your backyard if you like.

26:44If everything plays out the way you say it will, you would be the most powerful person on the planet. And you just surrendered all of that? And you're still not getting it. Let's continue this at another time. Doctor... That was boring. The test is back. And? DNA is a perfect match for Casper. Interesting. Okay.

27:15Oh, hi. Welcome to the Caspararium. You know, if you pay a dollar, you can get a little thing full of fish to throw at me.

27:28Let's mix it up in here. Let's get some penguins.

27:33Are you calling the cops? Officer, help. I've imprisoned my ex-husband. Hi there. This is Caspar. You may be thinking about hanging up and sending me a text message right now. Please know that I won't respond to that either. Bye. Hey, it's me. Call me as soon as you can. I'd call you back, but there's no phone in here. Who are you? It's me, Philomena. No, it's not. I mean, no, it's not. But yes, it is. Keep going. Okay.

28:09This is going to sound ridiculous, but please keep in mind that, you know, look around. Your life sounds pretty unbelievable, too.

28:22So...

28:28Once upon a time, I walked into a diner called Midnight Burger. Turns out that diner was a time-traveling dimension-spanning diner that hops from universe to universe every 24 hours. For some reason, inside of that diner was this old-timey radio that was apparently put there by a fourth-dimensional being named Chuck. Inside the radio were two old-timey radio personalities named Effie and Zebulon Mucklewain, and they could actually talk to me, and we would talk back and forth, and it was a wonderful time, but not really. It was actually pretty terrifying. Also, turns out I don't age when I'm on board this diner, so I stayed there for over 100 years before I even started talking to another actual real human being.

29:11I went on a lot of adventures, apparently. I don't really remember them because apparently when you don't age, it also fucks with your memory and you start to, I don't know, compartmentalize things, I guess. Eventually, a guy walked in named Leaf. Turns out he was a galactic criminal. I didn't learn that until much later. But anyway, we hung out for a while and that was a good time. We had some adventures together. It was very college. It was very immature. And then this other lady showed up named Ava. Ava is kind of a rogue theoretical physicist. She was really interested in what the diner was and why it's doing this and stuff like that.

29:42And then it was all three of us, plus the Mucklewaynes, and that was a good time, too, and also terrifying. And then this lady named Gloria showed up, who was a woman who had just lost her taqueria in a pandemic. Did you guys have a pandemic here? It sounds like it was pretty bad. Anyway, when she showed up, things started changing a lot faster. And then suddenly we were on the run from a galactic evil empire called the Ted Empire. We managed to get out of that. And then this woman named Clementine showed up, who was kind of this out of control space demon. Turns out, though, she was actually created by this guy named Krok, who was essentially a god and doesn't like the fact that we exist.

30:18And he's trying to destroy us. Anyway, he almost captured us, but we managed to get out of it by shooting ourselves with time displacement weapons. Those time displacement weapons send us to a random place in time somewhere out there in the cosmos. But because we had those pagers on, they sent us to a place that we are somehow connected to. And that landed me right here in the middle of your apparently incredibly high-tech campus in, I'm guessing, San Francisco. You always wanted to move there.

30:52So if that was your guess, congratulations.

31:01Hello? Hey, what's up? How are you? I'm fine. What's going on? Phil? Uh, nothing. I just did an interview with Reuters. I know that when I do these, sometimes you get reporters calling you. I just wanted to give you a heads up. I'm really looking forward to it. I've started openly lying to them. I hope that's okay. Great. The other day I told someone from The Economist that you grew up Amish. I hope that's cool. Great. How's David? He's fine. He still hates his job, so if you could speed up all this utopia nonsense you've got going on, that would be great. He should be working with me out here.

31:41Well, he's not gonna do that, Phil. You know how he is. You were on the cover of Time magazine. It's kind of a long shadow you cast. It's hard to get out from under it. Fine. Give him my love. I will. He does, of course, have his own phone. Casper. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I will. Thank you. Okay. I've got to go. Okay. There's going to be pinball in this brave new world, right? Goodbye. I sound like I'm doing good. Am I doing good? Where do I work? Is it the DMV? I hated the DMV. He teaches middle school history. Fuck yeah. That guy rules. Put him back on. I want to talk about Napoleon. Who are you? Philomena, I swear to God it's me.

32:29There doesn't appear to be any cloning hallmarks. This was unlikely. You thought it was a clone? I'm exploring all options. Well, it's kind of ridiculous, don't you think? I'm standing with two sentient androids. It doesn't sound ridiculous. Right. Sorry. I'm used to them. You're used to them? Yeah. I've met them before. Kind of. Kind of? Two was telling me that there was a number one. One atomized itself when I activated it. He says that one actually teleported when it was activated. It wasn't atomized. That's impossible. Not impossible. It teleported away and hunted me down. Why would it hunt you down?

33:07Because of how she programmed it. What is he talking about? Uh-oh. Phil, did you not tell the Pointer Sisters here how you programmed number one?

33:25This is pretty great. What do you mean? She programmed it to hunt down and confront her ex. You did? How did you know that? What do you mean? It hunted me down and confronted me. Or it tried to. But then it got overloaded somehow. Wait a minute. Wait. I know what happened. You were sitting there in your mad scientist lab making a whole ass person. And the mad scientist got a little mad, didn't she? The prototype wasn't supposed to work. Right. So you're saying to yourself, well, this shit isn't going to work. Doesn't really matter what I program into this bot. How about I make it confront my ex-husband?

34:10And then you hit enter and it disappears. Right? You have no idea what you created. She can travel through time and space. She can read minds. She's indestructible. She's a total fucking goofball who drives me crazy. We're not capable of any of those things. I mean, I wasn't capable of singing, but David really needed me to sing him a song when he was a baby, so there I was singing, and now I think we can all agree. the pipes. Am I right? She's one of the best friends you've ever had. Yeah. Yeah, she is. How about my pager? The thing you found on me when I showed up. You had a look at it, right?

34:58Yes. What do you think? I have no idea what it is. Neither do I. But I'm guessing that technology was not of this earth, right? I need your story to be more believable. Phil? Me too. You want to know where number one is right now? She's on a distant planet somewhere, helping a sentient tree species repopulate itself because she felt like it was the right thing to do. Me too. I'm pulling up the files for the prototype from the archives. See, this is what she does when she doesn't know how to proceed with an argument. She'll say she needs more information, and then days go by. Please speak passcode.

35:36Stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues again.

35:43Stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues again. Access granted. See you ladies. She thought she was being really sneaky because she hates Bob Dylan. They'll never guess that I have a Bob Dylan lyric as my password, she would say. Send all archives for simulacrum prototype to my main drive. Sending files. We'll continue this later. Phil? Well, I'm not trying to do anything, okay? I didn't mean to come here. I know it's very strange. But to get out of your life, I'm gonna need your help.

36:32How's that Chicago dog coming? I'm sure you can understand her reaction. Yeah, I understand. Yeah. You guys seem to be fine, though. We're very curious.

36:45So cover of Time magazine, huh? Her ideas are revolutionary. It's pretty cool. You know, when we were married, I always wondered what she was doing with me. Pretty sure the feeling was mutual. Can we try and confirm some things with you? Yeah, sure. This entire time, we've been trying to work out exactly what you're suggesting. This whole time? Yes. You haven't said a word to each other this entire time. Correct. Because you're always talking to each other. Correct. Okay. Let's hear it. You seem to be alleging that you've come from an alternate universe. Yes. Which would confirm the many worlds theory.

37:21Sure. That is actually a more believable story than the one you just told us. Guys, I know. I hate how stupid it sounds. I always have. It would be way cooler if I was in some sort of amazing ship of the future called Starlight or something, but it's not. It's a fucking diner, okay? Fries are up. Also, you're in the Mesozoic. That's how it's been, okay? Well, I'm sure you understand our problem. Do I? We can't explain your existence. And your explanation is ridiculous. What are we supposed to do with all of that? X, I have no idea. X? Sorry, force of habit. Why did you call her that? We called her the X-Bot at first.

38:01It got shortened to X. This was after she became your friend? Yeah. We had gotten her to short circuit somehow, and we figured she was junk, so we left her where we found her. 1930s Kentucky, I guess. After we left, the locals found her and threw her in the river for some reason. And she laid there at the bottom of a creek for decades, putting herself back together. She finally pulled herself up out of the river, and I guess the first person she thought of was me. Which was great, because I was a prisoner at the time. Why were you a prisoner? You know what, how about I just stop there? This story gets more and more unbelievable the deeper I go into it.

38:59there's gotta be some way to make me look less like a crazy person, right? Isn't there like... Are you trying to tell me that I came all the way here from another universe and there's no way of detecting that?

39:19Why aren't you saying anything? We're talking. Oh, okay.

39:26What are you guys talking about? There are a few things we could try. Okay. The most effective method would either be detecting isotope ratio anomalies or detecting a fine structure constant variation. Okay. Do we flip a coin? We've chosen constant variation. Good. That's what I would choose. Because we already have a high precision spectrometer on campus. Great. That's what I was going to say next. I was going to say, hey, where's the spectrometer? We'll be back. Okay. Bye.

39:56I'll just sit here in the aquarium.

40:04Oh, I wish I had someone to love me. Blee, blur, blee, blah, blee, blah, blee, blah.

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41:32Could this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues again.

41:56Hello?

42:00Hello? Hello. Is that glass of wine number one or number two? Two. Hell yeah, glass of wine number two, Philomena. I know her well. Have a seat, sailor. You know, I'm changing the world over here, Casper. That's what I hear. Do you have any idea the amount of human suffering I'm going to eliminate? A whole lot, I bet. What are we talking about right now? Never mind.

42:34So what happened with you guys? Who? You and David and Casper. I don't know. I ask because it's kind of reversed where I come from. Reversed how? Where I come from, he actually has a better relationship with you than he does with me. Really? Yeah. Why? Long story short, we argued a lot. Constantly, actually. I missed his middle school graduation. Okay. It's not a huge deal. We were supposed to go on a family trip right after. Okay. I forgot that, too. That's... It happens. So, you two left without me. And you got on the next plane, I'm assuming.

43:36Phil? I didn't notice you were gone until you got back.

43:45Your whole family left. and you didn't notice? I'm saving the world over here, Casper. Okay. There was a lot going on at the time. Saving the world, for example.

44:02Who are you? Phil, I swear to God, it's just me. I just come from a place where this happened and that happened, instead of that thing and the other thing. Which is disturbing to know that we're just made up of the things that happened to us, but it's just me.

44:28What was I? In my world? A CPA. Jesus, really? Yeah. That sounds terrible. Yeah, you hated it. I hope so. You were so good at it, though. I hope so. God damn. What was I like during tax season? What? You would kind of forget we exist.

45:03So, maybe we're not entirely made up of the things that happened to us.

45:11I have to say, it's nice being in a universe where it wasn't my fault. Kind of cozy. Nobody can really wrap their mind around what I'm going to do for this planet. It is a little hard to believe. Everyone's going to have what they need, Casper. Everyone. And yet, despite all that, getting him to talk to me is like pulling teeth. middle school graduation. Who the hell cares about their middle school graduation? Well, first of all, I'd say it wasn't about him caring about it. It was about you forgetting about it. Secondly, I don't imagine it was just about that. Right?

45:58You know, eventually he reached out to me. After not hearing from him for a long time, he reached out to me and we started talking again. Hmm. That doesn't sound like him. I know. I was surprised by it, too. But eventually he just let it all go. And how did he manage that if you were zipping around the cosmos? For a while, we were stranded in Pasadena. He was living in Pasadena? He was living in Hollywood. He was one of the few people in Los Angeles who voluntarily didn't have a car. He worked for the city archives, and at night he was doing street art. That goddamn street art. I wish he wouldn't do that.

46:44He's going to get arrested. Probably. But hey, then the two of you can bond over your arrest records. Wait, did that not happen here? It happened. Does he know? No. You should tell him. No, thank you. He probably doesn't even know what the Battle of Seattle is. He should know about it. He'd find a way to hate me for it. You're probably right. Mom, you protested the World Trade Organization when you were my age. Now look at you. It would go exactly like that.

47:22Although, you protested the WTO in 1999. Cut to today. You're about to destroy the whole thing. Fuck yeah, I am.

47:36Talk about a grudge.

47:45Is this a practical joke? Is that what this is? Who would pull a practical joke like this? The universe. The universe? Yeah. I just solved all of the world's problems today, Casper. I imagine it'll take about ten years, but after that... No more suffering. It's the kind of thing that makes you want to retire early and watch it all happen. You feel like your work is done. And then you show up. I am pretty good at ruining a party. Oh, I know.

48:31Phil, David's in trouble. How do you mean? Not David from your universe. Another David I met out there. The Pasadena David. In trouble how? It has to do with a war in a far-off galaxy called Cryptesia? Jesus Christ, Casper! Stop asking me for details. It makes it sound stupider. This is why I need your help Some random David out there Yeah He's not even your David You and I both know that doesn't matter We're back What is this? We've been working on something Is that the spectrometer? We had to borrow it What's attached to it? And why does it look like a hair dryer? We thought we'd try and devise a way to detect visitors from other universes we settled on two possible paths.

49:25The first was detecting isotope ratio anomalies. Different quantum outcomes during the nucleosynthesis of this Casper's universe could produce different isotopic compositions. Their hydrogen might have a weird deuterium ratio, or their carbon-12, carbon-13 ratio could be off. This would be detectable through mass spectrometry of their tissue. But there were too many variables for that method, So we thought we'd try detecting a fine structure constant variation. That's interesting. Hi, my name is Casper and I work at the DMV. If your origin universe has even slightly different fundamental constants, atoms in your body would emit light at different wavelengths.

50:05Like I'd glow in the dark or something? It wouldn't be visible to the naked eye. But it might be if we hit you with a spectrometer. Okay, so you're shining a black light on me. Essentially. I'm going to bombard you with harmless isotopes. I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time. What do you think, ma 'am? Is she on glass of wine number one or number two? Number two. We're good. Great. Nice work, you two. Light them up. Here we go. Okay. Hopefully, this is what finally transforms me into a superhero. Powering up.

50:41Captain Isotope. Hold still. Doctor Spectrometer. I'm closing my eyes I've closed my eyes Can anyone tell me what's happening? You're glowing Really? Oh shit I am glowing What does that mean? That means it worked Awesome Phil, look at me It's like the end of Close Encounters Come into my ship. Shut it off.

51:25Hello, Casper. Hey, Philomena. Well, what the fuck do we do now? I don't know. But I have to get back to the diner. You want me to return you to one specific universe? In an ocean of infinite universes? Um, yeah? I don't know how to do that. Security alert. Multiple unknown subjects inside campus perimeter. God damn it. What is this now? One moment, ma 'am. Where is security? We're checking, ma 'am. What's going on? We've always got somebody trying to get on campus to have a little moment of protest. They're protesting you saving the world? They're protesting me eliminating their jobs and overlooking the saving the world part.

52:18They must love their jobs. They don't. I can't seem to contact security. Why not? We're not sure. They won't answer. We're contacting the police. Since we're being invaded, can somebody let me out of the terrarium? You'll be fine. You're safer in there than anywhere on Earth. Nothing can get through that glass. I'd still kind of like to get out of here. Asper, relax. Whoever they are, they'll be gone in a few minutes. Ma 'am. What is it? Our security detail appears to be gone. Gone? What do you mean? We're checking security feeds all over the building. We don't see them. Where did they go? We're not sure.

52:52They can't have just disappeared. Yes, they could have. What are you talking about? Roll back the security footage right before the alarm went off. Casper. Sadly, I wasn't joking about anything that I said to you. Ma 'am. What? This is the footage from right before the alarm went off.

53:10Who the hell are they? Shit. Who are they? The bad guys. The what? Where are they now? Checking. They're right outside of this room. Okay. You guys need to go. Right now. Ma 'am, we're going to handle this. You must stay in this room. Wait. The police will be here soon. Do not leave this room. Wait. Their weapons aren't what you think they are. Fuck. What are their weapons? I told you I wasn't kidding. They're temporal displacement weapons. It doesn't matter how bulletproof you are. What do they want you for? To kill me, I imagine. Why? Give us Casper. Disarm yourselves and wait for the authorities to arrive.

53:42This will be your only warning.

53:52God damn it! They're gone. What did I tell you? We have to get out of here. Phil? I'm opening the glass. We need to leave now. Phil, it doesn't matter. Why? They can be anywhere they want. You need to leave, though. They're just here for me. Why are they here for you? Please don't make my last words on this earth be me explaining a ridiculous story to you. Get out of here. They'll be gone as soon as I'm gone. Casper!

54:26What's happening? I don't know. Who is that? Who?

54:37Who the hell are these assholes? X! Thank God! I had an idle moment and decided to check in on you and, uh, damn dude. Right? Why are you in a glass box? And why is it made of me? X, look around.

54:56Holy shit.

55:00I'm back. Welcome home. One? Hi, Mom!

55:17Welcome back, San Francisco. Mackenzie Duna coming at you with some breaking news. As you know, there's a lot of tech companies here in the Bay Area doing all sorts of amazing things. but none of them more amazing than Imelda and Scott International Tech and its CEO, Philomena Scott. Their technologies are set to change the world as we know it, but there have been quite a few conspiracy theories about Dr. Scott and her company. Those conspiracy theories went into high gear last night when there were reports of the police being called to the campus of ISIT. and then promptly turned away by the CEO herself.

56:04In an effort to quash these rumors, the CEO was gracious enough to call in today. Philomena, thank you for being with us this morning. Good morning. So, after an emergency notification was sent to local SFPD last night, they arrived to find you at the front gate, letting them know it was a false alarm and there was nothing to worry about. That's right, Mackenzie. We were testing some new security protocols last night, and a proximity alert was accidentally tripped. Oh, which is completely understandable. But there are some rather strange accounts we're hearing. People walking by your campus last night reported to police that they saw, I'm going to quote here, a man falling out a 10th-story window and plummeting to his death.

57:01Those reports happen right around the time the police were alerted to the security breach, and it's raising some eyebrows. Mackenzie, I can't speak to the strange accounts from random people on the street. We allowed police full access to our facility last night, and they found no evidence of anything like that happening. Anything outside of a mistaken security alert is just more of the rumor-mongering nonsense that has followed this company around for the past several years. Fair enough. Are you afraid that incidents such as this will be used by your competitors to discredit your company at such a crucial time?

57:45I would be, Mackenzie. But luckily for me, I don't have any competitors. I love that confidence. Thanks for being with us today, Philomena. Of course.

58:02Jesus Christ.

58:09Hello? So, it's finally happened. You've started throwing your employees off the roof. Hasper, can this wait? Please say it was because they messed up your coffee order. Could you possibly call to poke fun at me some other time? Sorry, this was my only free time this week. It'll have to be now. You've got a busy week of grading middle school essays on the Magna Carta? Hey! Middle school history essays are stirring, Philomena. It's the smartest they'll ever get without any cynicism added to the mix. All right. Well, thanks for calling. Hey, hey, hey. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I wasn't just calling to make fun of the most powerful person on the planet.

58:44Stop calling me that. Look, David has an art gallery showing coming up. He does? Yeah, you should come. How does a street artist have an art gallery showing? I have no idea. You should come to the showing. Does he want me to come to the showing? He would love for you to be there. Casper. Okay, I'm going rogue a little bit. He seems to think that you wouldn't show up, but I'm here calling you anyway because I think that you both would secretly like it and then you would both publicly hate me for it. Uh, Casper, I cannot tell you how bad of a time this is for me. Because you're busy throwing people off the roof?

59:27Yes. Okay. I'm going to send you this information and I want you to think about it, okay? Don't let any of the mechanized minions take it off your schedule. It's in Baltimore. The gallery is called Through Salt. Through Salt? What does that mean? I don't know. I don't know, Art. I'll think about it. Phil, according to you, the whole world is about to change. Come do something normal for a minute. One last, normal-ass thing before we're all living in the future. I'll think about it. Okay. Happy roof-tossing. Goodbye.

1:00:16so the kids are getting really big the kids are getting big shells getting big we've got brit words megan with an h penny sparkles pistachio ink aaron james tyrone barlow the first of his name. Oh, and little Eliana. I'm guessing you came up with Penny Sparkles. Yeah, that was me. So you just wake up in the morning and water the children? Well, well, it was easy at first because apparently with tree people, the kids stay rooted in the ground for the first year. But now they're mobile and they're running around and it's a lot. Hello? Hey. Hey. How did it go? Fine. It should be fine. Great.

1:01:18I'm sorry about your security guys. And about two and three. I really had no idea they would try and hunt me down. An ex is telling me that she thinks two and three are going to be okay. If they're made anything like me, they can handle all sorts of punishment. So they may be floating out there in space somewhere, but they're going to be fine. Mm-hmm. Um, your security detail, on the other hand, it's not looking good for them. Sadly, no. The security detail were all androids as well. They were? Yes. Okay, okay, that's better. I mean, there's now a bunch of super powerful androids out there floating through space, trying to figure out what's going on.

1:02:29Right. Right. Which is better than being dead. Sure. I mean, honestly, I'm a little jealous. There's so much self-discovery in their future. Yeah, it sounds like fun to me. Fun!

1:02:53Phil, were there any actual human beings working with you in this building? Was everyone here an android that you made?

1:03:09Hey, Casper. I think maybe Mom and I need to talk alone for a minute. Yeah. Yeah, sure. I'll just, you know, I'll be in my aquarium. Okay? Great!

1:03:31So, you're taking care of trees? Well, it's a race of tree people. They're alive. They're just more like plants than they are like you and Casper. How did you end up doing that? It felt like the right thing to do. Turns out I'm incredibly powerful, Mom. Being powerful left me at a loss. Turns out being powerful is... Well, it's meaningless. I needed it to mean something. So, I decided to take care of others. You weren't supposed to function. I was just throwing ideas together. Turns out I function. Turns out I function way past what you were expecting. Can you really do all of the things that Casper says you can do?

1:04:52Sure. Fuck! Hello? Fuck! Come over here.

1:05:05What is that? Do you read ancient Greek? No. Okay. This is the Myrmidons by a guy named Aeschylus. Why did you bring me this? Well, this is a script for a play. A script that doesn't exist anymore. It burned in a fire in the library of Alexandria. I just went and grabbed it. Just now. I'm sure you can have it tested somehow Though, at this point, I'm not sure how you can call anything unbelievable How the hell did I make you? You only did part of it The rest was chance and circumstance, encounters with the unknown. All those things made me like anyone else. You're not like anyone else. Well, neither are you.

1:06:11Neither is anybody. I just happened to come out like this. Mom, you had no idea what you were making. I mean, does anyone ever really know what they're making? I... Look. Okay. I can totally come back some other time and hang out and talk and catch up and all that. I would love, love that. Right now, though, those guys are still chasing Casper. and they are not going to stop. So we've got to figure out how to get him out of here. And not just out of here. There's really only one place he'll be safe.

1:07:05You're beautiful. Oh. Thank you. Okay. Okay. Okay, let's get started. Okay. Okay, we're good. Okay, here we go. I don't even know how to talk about this. I know. I've got this friend that I'm trying to get back to. When things like this happen, she likes to say, what's the real thing that's happening? The real thing is, I need to get out of here. Let's ignore the weirdness and just focus on that. Really? Yes. So you want me to focus on the incredibly normal situation of trying to find the exact place in an infinite multiverse to return you to? Yes. Just focus on that. It's impossible. I know! I could do it.

1:08:03What? You could? Yeah. How? You know, I just go there. You just go there? Yeah. What? The problem is she can't take anyone with her. Right. I can only travel by myself. But you can just go to exactly where Casper needs you to go. Sure. Okay. Maybe if I can analyze where in your matrices you're able to navigate in space-time, I don't know. X, what is this? What? This scroll thing. Oh, I needed to prove to Mom that I could do what I do, and so I went and got a scroll from the Library of Alexandria. Right, as one does, but ex... What is this? It's a... Hang on. You brought a thing with you. I brought a thing with me.

1:08:58You just said you're not able to do that. I'm not able to do that. How did you do that? How did I do that? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait. Wait. Are you reading my mind right now? Yes. Right? Yes. We were on the Capitol steps. I had just fought Clementine. I gave you a letter. And I delivered it to Tarek. In medieval Jerusalem. Have I been able to take things with me the whole time? I don't know. Should we try it? I don't know. Hang on. Stop. What are we talking about? I was able to travel with the Skrull right now. Why don't I just tuck Casper under my arm and get out of here? Figureback ride.

1:09:37Hang on. This was easy. Hang on. I don't think you should do that. Well, why not? Casper isn't Papyrus. That's... that's true. I can confirm I am not Papyrus. But what does Papyrus have to do with anything? It's an inanimate object. We can't ask it how it's feeling right now. It seems to be fine. You're talking about subjecting a human mind to traveling through space, time, and dimension like you do. Yeah. You don't have a human mind. You don't know how hard it would be on him. It could scramble him entirely. I mean, he's traveled like that about a billion times. Just like you do? It's the exact same process?

1:10:18I don't know. Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it's going to be easy for him. Well, damn, Casper. Why do you have to be so fragile? Like a Fabergé egg. This is something, though. There's something for us to work with. Hang on. Stand back, she's thinking. We'd need a vessel of some kind. If we could put him inside of some sort of protective bubble, that might do it. So, imagine it like this. We build a trans-dimensional motorboat with X here as the outboard motor. That way, within the boat, the lulls of reality stay the same while everything changes around him. A motorboat. Got it. Cool.

1:11:07Let's do that. Let's build a motorboat. One problem. Actually, several problems. What? I don't know what I'm doing. Theoretical physics isn't my field. I thought your magical crystalline stuff could become whatever you wanted it to be. Only if I know what the thing is. I don't know how to make something like this. And I'm not familiar enough with the concepts that surround it. I'm sure there are people who are. But there's no way in hell I'd be able to explain this situation to them. Right. Okay. Let me ask you this. Does your company have a plane?

1:12:32So this is Utopia, huh?

1:12:39What is?

1:12:45Right now.

1:12:51What?

1:12:56Utopia.

1:13:04Where?

1:13:10Oh, right here.

1:13:18Here? Yeah. Oh. In my office? Oh, not... No, not here. Like... The world. The fuck are you talking about? Have you been keeping up on current events at all? I was supposed to be doing that? Mm-hmm. No? Single Structure Crystalline Adaptive is what it's called. Oh, I read that paper. You did? Yeah. That was like 10 years ago. Well, it works. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Here it comes.

1:14:03and how is that utopia well apparently it's going to eliminate energy scarcity housing shortages and uh that's scrolling down here oh everything else

1:14:23everything else? Uh-huh. Huh.

1:14:36What's everybody gonna do? Well, I guess I'll just do the thing they want to do. I'm already doing the thing I want to do. Right. me too I guess we just keep doing that and then also we won't need money but I can already afford everything wow academia really is disconnected from the real world isn't it I guess so

1:15:19Wait, so people are just going to do whatever they want now? Yeah.

1:15:37Is that why there's been a spike in enrollment for the science college? Oh, yeah. There's been a mass exodus from the business school, apparently. supply and demand is not really a thing anymore and that's their whole gig. Huh. Wow.

1:15:58So what you're telling me is it's utopia now. Here it is.

1:16:10And we have more students. Yes.

1:16:21So, in Utopia, our jobs have gotten harder? Correct. Hmm. So Utopia sucks, then. Looks like it, yeah. Yeah. Huh. Not so disconnected from the real world now, are we? Nope.

1:16:50Should we go celebrate? Have a few drinks before we have to go get fitted for our matching Utopia jumpsuits? Well now, you didn't tell me there'd be jumpsuits. I think there will be. I'm warming up to it now. Belt it? You tie the sleeves around your waist on hot days. Not that there will be any more hot days. Because utopia. Right. Okay. I'm in. Me too.

1:17:34Hey. Can I help you? Who's this guy? Hey, Marguerite's here. Yes, she is. Who are you? Uh, I'm Casper. Casper? Are you lost? So lost. Did you try asking my assistant for directions? Oh, uh, there's nobody out there. Ugh. Utopia. What are you looking for, Casper? Uh, nothing, actually. Uh, I need your help. Help with what? Um... I need you to help me make a motorboat. What?

1:18:44Good evening. Hello, David. How are you? I'm still here. How are you? I am also still here. What have you got there? I have brought you dinner. Dinner? David, all my nutrition is intravenous now. Yes, but Kazi is feeling better and she's having ideas. Oh. Good. She's worried that if you go too long without solid food, your body will forget how to digest it. So, what am I supposed to do now? She has created these! Nutrient-dense cubes. Cubes? Yes. You're supposed to eat one per day. Hmm. They don't look very appetizing. No, they don't. What do you suppose they taste like? Oh, I bet they taste real bad.

1:19:44Great. Set them over there. Bon appétit. David. How are you doing? I'm alright. Karaoke night in the mess hall has been a big hit. We've got to get you down there. Okay. I'm thinking Mary J. Blige for you. David. No more drama. David.

1:20:07I'm alright. He's coming back, David. I appreciate that. I really do. But there comes a point when you've got to look at everything for what it is. You've got to accept. You've got to grow up. You know, my whole world is sound. I don't look up at the stars. I listen to them. When I see you, I'm only seeing the sound that echoes around you. I notice things that other people don't. Things like what? When I rejoined the diner after all those years, something was different. The sound it makes. You'd barely notice it, but I could hear it. No, I could swear I was hearing something. Play Broad Analysis X1.

1:21:11Hear it? I don't know. Strip Primary Layer.

1:21:21Wh-what is that? Isolate Thread 1 and de-interlace.

1:21:35That's a kitchen. Gloria. Isolate thread two and de-interlace.

1:21:50The muckle wanes. Isolate thread three and compress.

1:22:04What is that? That's a tough one. That is the radio signature for Sagittarius A-star, a supermassive black hole at the center of the Milky Way. Ava! Isolate thread four, decompress, and invert.

1:22:36Leif sings this song to himself sometimes. That's right. And then finally, isolate final thread, amplify, and compress.

1:23:04Oh my fucking god. What does this mean? Return to full spread.

1:23:23They're a part of it now. It won't let them down.

1:23:39Thank you.

1:24:03I wish I had someone to love me, someone to call me their own. Oh, I wish I had someone to love me. Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y 'all. Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness. And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there somewhere looking for you. We open at six. Midnight Burger is made possible in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters.

1:25:11Logan Shepard, Dizzy Miss Lizzy, Mostly Harmless Alien, Kalish Shum, Right Behind You, Gonzalo Martins, World's Largest Ball of String, Bucky Chipmunk Reminds You That You Lost the Game, Rich Maze, Samuel LeFew, Hestadon Neprathum, Flashcards, A &K, Nicole Dyke, A Resting Place for Weary Beans, Shane Hopkins, Juniperb with the Backwards Knees, Eve in the Between Hour, Two-Faced Janice, Zesmaldo, The Original Penguin, Slight Burn, Scooter, Worshipper of the Seven Cat Gods, Kelsey Manette, Amethyst Dragon with Tiger Eyes, Martel McKinney, Spitboy the Spit Guy, He Spits, Ice Queen, Laser Girl and the Nurse, Where Are Our Ores?

1:25:50Caddy B, Andrea Williams, Go Ask Alice, Wes Kester Saves the World, Valen's three cats stacked atop each other wielding a plasma gun, Jeffrey, Purple Nurple Nullifier, Scam Likely, Oops, Wrong Podcast, Reaper's Past, Late Indeed Again, Rex Cricket and Frankie, Brigitte, Spadius, Squiddy, The Frosthunt Scientific Collective, Two of Us Have PhDs, and the third has memorized all of Ava's dialogue. APO, Cartman Scooter, ZZ9, Plural Z, Alphen, Robin Smith, 11 Letter Christopher, Ronald E. Parker, Sasquatch, Antonia Ortiz, A Block of Ice, Maritza Andrade, Mailman That Hates Your Tiny Mailbox, Ren the Crescent, Erica Davis, Jane Doe, John Gormanshire, Lord Drezz, Solaris Nova, Sandalwood Mountain North, Cryptic Amorphous, About 45 Degrees, Mandy, Big Cat Makes Kitten Go Purr, Ted Ted and Teddy, Bethany Who Showed Up Late to the War and Decided to Eat Pinecones with the Mungo, Michelle, Parker Berry, Don't Actually Say This Part of My Name, Just Say My Name Please, Dr.

1:26:52LL, Your Jamaican Fan, Says Wagwan, Raptors in the Kitchen, People Died, Tula Blue and 142 Boogaloo, Pistol Pete and Death Lotion, Intergalactic Transdimensional burger pirate. Ace Spades. Debbie Trencher. That one dude who likes tacos. Mark, you gotta contact us about your username, man. I'm not saying all that. The Male Escort. Lady Bethany, aka Mrs. Turkey Spit. Steve. Junior Barding, the father of Lucas. Ava Maddox's Ashtray. Adore bees. Vera Torkelson. Bones, Lizard Breath, and the Snot Rocket would love a space burger. Andrea Rose. Samantha Oram. Emiler. Caden Suda. Bat Loves Dragon. Tommy Johnson.

1:27:27Unhip Fern. David Sosa. Noodles by Godzilla. Ralph Capone. Corey 83. blues. Liz wants Leif to build her a plane. Dude named Blake. John Caleb Williams. Deuce Lexia. Yontalius. Kian. An Eel exchange student from Midst. Dapper T last name. Rattrick. Ricklin, like rich land but without the D, Dyer. All Bethany's must do the hustle. Brad Sturrock. Natasha without Boris. Frost and Alice. Lobster possum. Known. Coyote Mike is on the run from the Bethany's and is looking for the resistance. Not a who, but a what archivist. A mostly morose ghost eating toast. Hey, Leander. Love you, kiddo. Malort boy.

1:28:03Jinx the cat would like to offer you biscuits. Have a zesty day. Megan. Malcolm Edwards. Spend my money irresponsibly. Stephen Drop. Dana Danielson, son of Dana Daniel or Danny for short. Chris Eaton. Cross-stitcher who loves the hobby and time travel. Funchbrunglin. Nash likes apples. New York Flanders says Mary Disablote, burgerinos. Pneumatic Yeti. Late Trucker. The Eldritch Skyfazoa. Watt Fryhover. Paul, James Bell, Dave Davison, Broom Goddess, Theodore and the Sons of Ted, Ricky Burnett, That New Guy, Ame Ziety, Da Savage Indian, Rad Boy, Hayden Brown, Gray Craniac, Jules Weeks, Calf, The Generous Patient Rose, John Wilkes Booth's freedom-loving horse, aka Jay Willikers, Mr.

1:28:44Ratzgurt, The Emo Sigma Lightworker, Neckbone, His Imperial Dudeness, Oh Hey, It's Jay, Lou the Ghost, Cinder and Beast of the Maze are in the deep freeze, Grimm, Off the Internet, wants Harriet to know that he loves her. Ernie Brooks, Titan King 707, Rich Francis, Burger Kaspa-Spa, No Relation, Jedi Shaolin, Smart Alec the Great, Gas Station Cryptid. Elsewhere in the multiverse, Shane drives an infinite loop through the Baldwin Hills and he's avoiding the oil field murder house. Deus Kashk, Bird Bird the Bird's Bird, Cheesy McFish, Papa Goose, Sometimes I Do Feel Like a Plastic Bag, A Very Spicy Walrus, Amanda Bills, Misty Word Power, Casper's Danish Moose, Flacco, a.k.a.

1:29:24Johnny R. the Disco Spider, The Missile Wanes Against Ted, Vicky Hebert, Pike Daniels, The Cosmic Whale, Zan Satsu, Mr. and Mrs. Van Limberlost, Murdoch Wang, Caterpillar Farmer. Joe Fisher's sexy, sick voice will not deter the Monte Cristo Peace Committee from investigating his Bethany war crimes. Chimera, Don Moat, the space trucker Chadwick Conan Doyle III, Jody Green, Nix, Minx, Monster Senshi, Heather Needs a Divorce, Michael Peters, Political Knitter, Seasonal Sasquatch silently seeks secret society, so special souls softly sing sweet songs, smartly stirring strong stories. Physicist. Brendan Shoneman.

1:30:00I divided by zero and now I am undefined. Leif, the horse is here. Mag Tremor. Rod Stewart, the sailor slayer. James We Met, the listless enjoyer. Emily Catterton. Ash Morningstar and her traveling animal shelter. Miss Maxine. Error 404. Patron not found. Quantum Dozer. Boy got them honka honkers. Kevin O'Malley. Invisible Gurria, The Mrs. Poland, Zemaniac, Lord Axton shares the realm with Lady Sparkle, Hop loves a thugbot named Francis, Pam the Infinite, And Thou, Revolutionary Inclined Ocelot, Matt Howler, Andrew Bear, Marius De Joa, Butterfly Fox, Riot the Tranny, Congregation of Alligators Wearing Groucho Glasses, Irma the Llama, 27 Keep It Tight, Chip, Gloria's right-hand Jack in the Boxman, Giordian, Grim Knight, Pike Daniels the Whale, Caldrak, Anthoseles Bethany Maximus, Lord of Kingwood, Texas, Ragnar Jensen, Addison Weirdo Wagner, Shua the Druid is composting the rich for a salad bar, Eraman0305, Leif is my role model, Jim Weathers, Titus Koslov, Ashes of a burnt out Leif, I'm a Kung Fu Panda on the Wind, Brandon AR aka Thor wants to say I love you all because he first loved us.

1:31:11Also, Labuza's voice is so very beautiful. The intergalactic house of cats demand a free Palestine. Electromancer, Chekhov's Space Cannon, Cory's Sensus, Surf and Turf Telecoms, I'm a Gin, Red and Dusty with his Garden Goddess, Kobe's Dingleberry, Mystic Monster for Chaos, Ziggy Dreadful, Rave Hands Mally, G-Wing, Frank One, Figgy Aloysius, and the Ooni Moonies featuring Milo Kappa Kaiju. I'm just here to refill the Parmesan cheese. It is Sparks. Fug Nut, formerly Damn Scrub, Lost Girl Lou, Christopher Byram, Middle American Penguin, Shanna Welch, Crocheted Cosmos, Cookie Chunks, ya heard? Andy and the Celestial Penguin, Bunny Homan, Leif's Bathrobe, Misty Lovebug, Bo Nunley, Ariana Castillo, The Eurasian Gosshawk That Portends Great Change, Lita Medinger, Marco, Lethargic God, Friend, as in your best, Lime Ghost, M, Icky Blurds, Jay the Irascible, The Magic Committee, Committee of Anything Magical, Honor Abear, Ian Full, 345 uneducated swine learning to swing dance, Nova the fuck accountant, One Intergalactic Year with Big Potato 99, aka The Rat Lady, aka Bumblebee, aka AK-47, Kai, Just a Little Guy, Ender Wright, Mark Nazawaritz, Xenia the Capturer of Light, Mucklewang, Duncan Albert, Theoretical Chemist, Xavier Dasher, Chris Loves to Read, Katie Michalik, Greg Andrews Lyons, In Memory of Jason Rice, Get Your Butt Fingered, That Girl Gracie, Magnus Von Kaffenheim, Saucy Little Beast, Andrew Height, Longtime Lurker, Scooter, The Unlucky Son, Jennifer Myers, Lady Lazarus, Anazi, Lord of Stories, Tom, Donnie Darko, Tom Shen, Caitlin and CT's NeverEnding Podcast Adventures, WhisperDan, Kio the Panda Puppy Forklift Operator, Ruby Cherries, Nick Vey, Buttholen, Jason and Andy Triplett, Jen Sims, Pen Pen, Ring to the Motahs, The Leathermans, Luke Warm Fart, Odd Commodity, Jen Before, Ander Ho.

1:33:03Aren't you a bit old to be making podcasts?

1:33:33Addie Slauson, Inconceivable Kai, Red Rum 916, Nick Waycaster, Gotham still fucked up, Batman really ain't doing shit when you think about it, No Good Monk, Rye, yes, like the bread, Sarmad Sayed, Three Pandas in a Trenchcoat named Bethany, John Old Grimbus, Matt Knight Bushager, Gavin Morey, Damn Eetry, Andromeda, Stephen the Choi, Gloria's Authentic Earth Coffee, Gabriel T., Can Someone Find Me the Parmesan, The Treasure Trove of Troublesome Trolls, You call her Bethany, I call her Headphony.

1:34:28Loose, Terry Cadds, Leif Tracks, The Rise of Leif, Chapter One, Loaf Tracks Retires, The Prodigal Elem, Catalyst for Chaos, Sculliver, Sam and Shane, Ahsoka Likes Hugs, Going Anonymous, V, Ma Dukes, U.S. Marshal Stacy, Ooh, Chickadee, Dango Dale, Esty, Not the Website, At Every Moment and Every Corner of Every Possible World, There Is Always a Way Home, and It's Already Found You, Jao Paulo Lemos, Odd Keep the Sentient Lighthouse, The Faceless Old Bethany Who Secretly Lives in Your Home, DeShane, Tonya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Zosifer Doggo of Doom, Burnt Barbecue Beef Brisket. It's official, they're called Thagronis.

1:35:03Kevin Winan, Marlon C., Just Whelmed, Madame Paris, Cherish Hellfire's Hellish Chairfire, Lichen Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnese West, Knox, Lisa Liu, Emmett Hale, The Triad's Baddest Goblin, Emery and Lano, James Miles, Browncoats Love the Diner, House Chaos and the Critter Cacophony, Max, Nia, and Ivonne's Sixth Sick, Sheiks, Sixth, Sheeps, Sick. Nope, never mind, it's Mark.

1:35:54Over Flames, Hood's Pocket Protector, Listening to Ava Sing Poisoning Pigeons in the Park Made My Shitty Day Instantly Better, Valkyrie Storm, Patricia Who's Always Late But Somehow on Time, DC Squirrel, Honey Cooper, Kyle the Interstellar Highwayman, Shelley Act on the Verge, Gale Friend, Rubber Cake, Clover the Clown, The Sparky Tech, Prop the Croc-A-Gator, Ringleader Volt, Jazz Punker, Captain Tight Pants, The Companion, Agent Night Breakfast, Braddy for Mission Control, Renee N, Katarina de la Playa, RIP Eloise Waffles, The Floof Wrangler, Aki the Space Druid, Phantom Land TTRPG Dice, Curiouser K8, Roxanne, Ash Montgomery, The Boggiest of Birches, Jason, HVAC Tech for the Diner's Deep Freeze, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Error, Zephyr the Weffer Montgomery Foxworth, Merry Face, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl, The Interdimensional Space and Tea Time Witch, Nicole64, Amara Salazar, Banjo Buscalo, Full Beans, glorious forgotten ford festiva brandon wright night breakfast at the midnight cauldron force for good ish mark scott rosie mum the judah slater morales intergalactic fry lord gravity's optional but fries aren't cj's big barbecue bistro for bethany's angel vasquez evil the cat stephen raymer j carp fishman the great goblino low oxygen save the mungos joji the birdwatcher a flock of gray horses from the top of a sycamore lilac morcella rachel crimpa with special thanks to my best friend Lizzie and my husband Steve.

1:37:18Don't worry about the order, honey. Temporal Hashbrown, Diane Brown, Dr. Flog, Captain No Sleep, The Slim Reaper, Reuben Eden, Smedley P. Snodgrass III, but please pause two to three seconds, then say, call me Smeddy. The Shreveport Bohannans, Cece the Umbrella Mage, Bradbury's Sasquatch loads Chekhov's gun and rides to join Bethany's army. Din, Cosmic Ketchup, Lack of Lifestyle, August the Schmogest, and Hossfest. Mousy, Hood's Pocket Gear and Sprocket Local Repair Cafe, Crafty Introvert, The, Postmaster General Kwan Sent Me, Mad Maddox, Blake Basmagian, Nitwit14, Roiled Way Too Harshly, DJ Johnny B, The Clop Man Diamond, Marco Montano, No Longer Doing a Bit, Shiny Fields, Adam Tachek, Christopher Wendell, Unproductive Banana, Pulsifer the Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, The Sorcerer Sanguine Says Brain Demons Is An Anagram Of Brandon Is Me, Bex823, Auntie Cryptid, Barry Heap, Gas Mask Penguin, In the Hot Seat, Mime Ninja's Ninja Mime, Master Oogway, Barry, Dilly is Dallying, Podcast Junkie, Futile Screaming at the Ocean, Fox Hatlin, Dylan Caroni, Pedro Vibresto, Slider, Malachi, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emily, the gayest library janitor in Indiana, the new kitten's name is Leif and this time he's not a girl.

1:38:32Physic the Good Bush, definitely not one of the bad bushes funding rebel Bethanies to overthrow the duly elected Bethanies. Hexadecimal Bethany is non-binary Vapus 10's big black gaping hole The planet Gubrius wants to know if Croc is a crocodile or a proper gator Bruce Jessica Gigoma Torical Jenny the bear Agur Bellringer Sardine Thorne Treach Josie Jones Mr. Fibble is very cross Haute potato Dr. Mojo postulates the end list endlessly splintering off as Bethany and Bert Bert's caboose until its end lists all the way down Dave and Buster's server manager ready to serve all the Bethany's a Monte Cristo Blind Time Traveler Convention Date, LA Woman The Phoenix Rising, New Name, God, no, not him, Jeff Andrew, sure, Jeff Andrew, Miss Luan, A British Woman With Cute Dogs, Cup O' Noodles, Schmizzy Two Shoes, Luna Nova, Nicholas Griffith, Matt Grigsby, Justin Smolin, Riku 31, Craig Dundee, New Type Without a Gundam, Astral Sea, Ickle Me Pickle Me Tickle Me 2, Witch Loud the Cartoonist, Guy With the Chops, Sam, Mitchell Gee, Bagel Knife, Imelda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan K, Devin77777, has been my fave verbal stem for months.

1:39:40Nate, Forklift Lifts Forks for Cliff, Vence M, Chip, Radio Free Relia, Violin Loves Midi, Brian Pasley, Subawasa, Grenna, Piston Whip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Old Man Dagwood. Our overhead is way too high with all of these names, and please make sure to turn in all your receipts. Love, Josh from Accounting. Satsuma, Silius Goose, Dr. Jones, Icy Axe, Coach Shane of Toad Suck Central, Go Cranes, Sky, Cole Arthur, Lego Croissant, Cassade, Norwin Murgler. You've all been assigned to write a four-page essay on your favorite arthropod. It will be 50 % of your grade. Joe Cuppa. Wee-bitch-hoppin' broccoli.

1:40:14Icy Fish. The hacker known as Ivy DeBurb. Blue Toon. A feisty-ass chickadee. Poultry landmine. The Scrappy Poet. Jenny the Cryptid Paladin. Maverick Artist. Shit, it was a mimic. Basil and their tea. Waiting to gossip with David. Ainsley-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay. Anknor. ATB. Kiwi Lovelybead. Zoe. Professor Freda. Dr. Professor Reverend Bethany Wethany Lethany Woofie McFluffenberger, MD, PhD, Esquire, and that's not pretentious at all, cough, cough, is looking for a cure to the Bethany mutation that the Society of Bethany's began the war with so many years ago. Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson, T 'Wote, Still Trapped, But I've Stopped Asking Why, The Freezer Is, I Am, We Chill, Son of Defarge, Wisco Teach, Scott A.

1:40:55Snellgrove, Give Peas a Chance, Samalama Ding Dong, Behold Lely Sarah Purr Whisker Veil, Countess of Wood Hollow, Mistress of the Whispering Pines, and Beloved by All Creatures Small and Opinionated, Ricardo Galamba, Kari's Crafty Cloaking Devices, LLC, Hashtag We Weave 'em of Gossamer, Penny the Wonder Dog and Bucky Von Buckbuck, Cherry Appleby, Medium rare extra toasted bun, Saucy Caesar, Belt, Aspen is a Verge fanboy, MickJ67, Ava's favorite My Little Pony pencil wants Joe to slap into a snim gym, Is This Thing Recording? Mr. and Mrs. Drifter, representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger Tummy Time chapter, Nathaniel Lee Industries, Sir Dredmore Spiba is wondering if Bethany likes night breakfast, Lord Entropy, Bach Bach Motherfucker, The Fae Wanderer, Everybody's Favorite Clown Splotchy, Pinstrike Algorithm, Psycho Queen, Kosher Steak, For the Last Time It's Gabriel Strife, Don't Tavrok Stormbringer Me Joe, Florida, Alyssa's Shiny Pants, Gondor Calls for Aid, Muscles for Tits, Arnold Rumspringa, The Demise of the Temple of Bethany's, Alan Berglund Says, Hi Mom, Kitty McSkull, Raven Stromdans, Hapless Novelist Passenger of the Dimensionally Impermanent and Temporally Incontinent Bookshop Cafe, The Wild-Eyed Prophet, Tessa Craig, Perfectly Personalized Disaster, Jim Turner, Lux Luminos, Javi De Niro, Big Chunk, Good Deeds, Sasha the Being of Chaos, was not involved in the Bethany crisis.

1:42:13Will the real Muad'Dib please stand up? Jillian C, Udon96, Benjamin, not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leia. Is that the Chris Hancock who traded weekly soup for the use of my kitchen table? A singular nightbird, Bethany reading in a green field, I am the lizard frantically firing flechette guns. A-E-I-O-U-Y-N-W, Bumble Fae, Mr. Epsilon, The Mothman, Long-Haired Matt, DJ, Lenny Harris, Robert W., Breelzebub, Krezamira, Jessa Lorin, Mayday Hoops, The Bean Wizard, Myth and Stitch Embroidery Loves the Mucklewains, Lulu Louise, Dulio, The Brew Crew Family, Bert Ruba, Your Most Benevolent Lord and Master of the Multiverse, Jeffrey George, Exquisite Whimsy, Ellie, Don't Tear Off Me Bro, Oopsie, Evelyn, The Wizard Mooses Holds Out Their Cat for You to Pet, Grimlor, Existential Pancakes, Jenny Waboom, Errant Popsicle Stick, M Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Jack Spider's Mom, Bubble Butt Bethany Has Banana Breath, Llama Fresh, Jare the Benevolent Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Revan the Red Beard Wizard, Bert Bert and the Funky Bunch, Corora the Twelfth, Bethany Two, Electric Boogaloo, Welcome to the Kwan Pound, pen pen pen pen pen pen pen, if Mr.

1:43:17Muchacho Kaiserschnitzel caught an owl after dark, would he be a midnight birder? The wolves in the deep freeze say, awoo! Julie Hammond, Sanctuary Moon's number two fans, Simpson, Alice Lewis, Simply Amy Sue, I pushed her because Joe said so, even older Liz, McBearcat, Grack Pinfeather, Sitikin Druidic Scientist, Astro, your friendly neighborhood android, moonlight zombie fox, old doc Reesey, the midnight missionary out there somewhere looking for you, rotten Ronnie sleeps in grandma panties, skull wonky, artist dragonborn, big b garage, bill zangana lester, joaquin jimenez, big mf juice the sip, muffins, space wives are officially verge and deidre, chad hatter cosmic tea maker of the triads, captain jack harkness wants peter the robot, tell your cat i said, banana manaz, a corgi cold kibble, cuddly Kraken, Axel Light, Sarge the Bard, Sominity, Rielthan, LL Cool Mint Jams, Travis Roberticus, the other original Caitlyn, Ken Daddy, Celestiani, the jaded Umbra gets slightly less jaded as peace once again returns to the land, Leia Izadi, Millie was taken, Dead to Me 86, B Camp, Shanman Man Man, Karma Karma Chameleon, Kinran is chilling at a moon base, Zoe and her army of mice, Briar Long Lost, Daniel, Sammy the Baby Seal, Trixie Belle Dubois, Dr.

1:44:36Bootyologist the Glutes Doctor, The Hood's Pocket Library reminds you not to overdo it. Thank you for pressing 2. Your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Surly Jess. R.I.P. Lance McClain. You would have loved Midnight Burger. Adam Toklove. Dr. Bitchcraft. Sassy Cat the Space Vixen. Claire Rock. Jekka. Eros Degad. The size two fish you've been looking for. Eokai. Borgia. Spiders are cuddly. The main immortal thinks it should be Ken Daddios. Cheel. Neal. Sin City Scuba Steve. Poliwog. Michaela White. Elena Pickle. Wilbur Winklewright, wristwatch wrangler of West Worcestershire, finally spots Red Nell as the carnage clears.

1:45:12Professor Thaddeus Snookums VIII. Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky. This moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler. Elizabeth Hammond, CheapCon, the real CheapCon, coming to you from the frozen Midwest wastelands, except no imitations. Steamvision, conductor of the interdimensional time-spinning hype train. Dave Harreld, Wise Cube, Dirty Diaper Fussbutt and the Piggy Runt. Bro Mine, pronounced bro-mine. Main Hamdinger, Mother of Pearl, Fiona Now Owns Leif's 18-inch Peter, Seal Face, Rigger Mortis, Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes, Coilane, Trebek's Reject, Prophet of the God of the Mucklewains, Darth Ox, Michelle Kay Comes in Peace, Aaron Arnold, Boyoyoyoyoyoyoyoying, as in Boingy, Mamamander B-Roz and Sluntmaster J, Alpacalypse, I'll Take One Butter and Brie on Rye, Please, Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, The Lord Reverend, Ryan, Thomas's Ten Tenebrous hand staffled tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales.

1:46:11The Lovely Laura Lovely, Kith Gamgee, Sam Wise's Flamin' Cousin, Dariel, Jeremy the Ruler, Gochi, Charles Robert Darwin III, Esquire, PhD, Jacob Mitchell, Swooning for Verge, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill, How to Get Jack from John, The Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scrubs, Becky, Just Some Guy from Adelaide Named Ryan, Remy, The Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard. Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German short-haired pointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says, whoof! Whiskered. Any two hands for the double high-five? Marissa the Ghost. Local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you.

1:46:47Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester. Cheshire Corgi. Stray Cat. Old Kelsey No-Shoes. Zoldia. Dizzy Flame. We Serve Everyone Eventually. Sasha. Beth and Alan Van Gillis. Langston North. Sly Fox, aka Br 'er Rabbit. Pan Starts Champion. The constantly lost geographer, Timothy Aotis. Chance wants you to know he cares. Wolf Stark, Elliot, Hobbs Decoe, Daddly Bartlett, Rory of Yen, Mubi the Golden Calf, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Erin Elizabeth, K-Narcotics, Solomon Price, A Daydream You Won't Escape, Bubba 485, aka Schemmelbach the Christmas Whale, Kaiju Sommelier, Stella Corvus, Jesus Garcia, JP the IT Guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know, the farmer, Barkley on the Holodeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-049 Omagis Raven the Dreamer TK Turtle King Mike M Space-Based Lasers Captain B and Lady G with their swabs Marla Madam Lotus still especially loves Finley Mr.

1:47:44Steamwave My friend the rhino reminds you it takes strength to be gentle and kind Hoop challenge

1:47:53Dream Founder I'm your Huckleberry Elizabeth T Ty Ty the Wonder Hamster and her dear darling Duke Grandpa Gus

1:48:10Our cat said to tell you

1:48:18It's the Benny Yappers Benny Yappin' and birthday, almost. Mr. Squizzle Sizzle Whizzle Fizzle the Horrendous apologizes for conspiring in the Bethany War. Invites for tea are being sent now. Abanasso, Mr. Rage, Adalor, Trans Space Dinosaur, Spooky Spader Storytime, William Kent, Andy, The McJimmy's From Your Local Dimension, Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin-Is-A-Ho, Mimetic Hygienist, Rogue Art, Aaron Star Joshua Damien, and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude DeClaws, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chiss Alfridge the Bull-Headed Professor, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelli, Jonathan Kay, Pearl Null, Another Monster, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs1012, Scotty Oats, Byrotron95, Happy 13th Birthday Danny, Dance Break.

1:49:11Speaku, The Bracken System and its Homeworld Ren, Simply Tony, It will always be Finley's work hole to me if you know you know. Gabrielle Castellan, Whom, what, when, where, and why is what all Fagronis say while listening to Midnight Burger. Nico Degallo goes great on Midnight Burgers. A drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar. Retorted. Sir Party Animal. Byro the motherfucking dragon of the Shreveport the motherfucking dragons. Uloy Jackal. Are you sure Mike Robb the Nancy Sinatra? Court need to leave it alone if you want to live. Must be a witch. Cat with a K. My Fagroni has a first name.

1:49:47Stomp and sign Daniel Mustachio, Luke of her Hezekiel, La Chihuahua Brava, Adeline Peets, CC Carousel, Korth the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Mom's a milf, Scout and Foxglove says the floor is lava, Red Nell hiding in a crowd of Bethany's to avoid capture by Wiley Wilbur Winklewright, wristwatch wrangler of West Worcestershire, Kurt Domsky, Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dulcet De Leche Studios presents Under the Truskin Sun, Get Outta Ma Booth, Bug, Propagator,

1:50:42I hardly know her. Whap. Giddy, giddy, giddy. The Firekeeper. The End Is Nigh. Jeremiah the Canceled. Librarian Alex. Spike and Faye. Johnny Allen West and the Boys from the Dwarf. Speedy McSpeedy. Eli. Wolf. Brandi Gunter. Auntie Becky is owned by five rescue cats. Speckled Unicorn. Jedi Rides Again with Nova the Space Pirate. Tevin Longblade's Shortsword. Forget Normal. Oh, damn. CJ Johnson. A Dragon Sitting on Its Horde of Dice. Wendell Whitaker. Chumbo Wumbo. Pikachu. Smivey. Glowbed Roulette. Andrew Fuller. Ban Mi Hong. The Soup Witch, Fettuccine Alfredo, Cowboy and Sasquatch, Hans Bethany's, Pebbles, VV, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip Your Dad Is Not Your Dad, Nick Borrow, Midnight Plumber, His Royal Highness Mr.

1:51:25Hamilton Underfoot Kitty I and Accomplice Princess Penelope, The Marchioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery, Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass Is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Heiser, India Inkblot, Slev of Bahamut, Omi Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Kat Holtz, Cal Art and the Tired Knight, The True Mega Mike, Fred and George,

1:51:51The Image Collector. Blended Music. Definitely Not Kevin. Sitting Squirrel. Patricia E. Melt. Missed Everyone. A round of yargs on the house. Red the Gray. The Silver Crow. Couch Potato Alex. Neverchild. Dr. Nossos. Interdimensional Biologist. Kuboko Dunord. Lil Kev. Kosamine. Theodrax. Joey B. Lucas Barding. Lil Debbie Cupcake. Taryn says, hey, Oreos are rabbit. Sandalwood Mountain offers peace for your soul. Whimsical fuckery. Megan with an H. Hey, it's Warranty Lady. Look, I've been thinking. Maybe it'd be best if we, you know, saw other people for a bit. I need more. Patricia the Time Lord.

1:52:24Kashak the Lizard Wizard casts Jelly Bones. Mango Connoisseur, Britty Bug, and The Quirky Jester. The Big Moose is loose about the hoose. That old glory coal. Janelle Meowna's Cat Butler. O'Sheen Liu, Alex Berry, Andrew Oakden. Asymmetrical Exile. Churro Cat the Sun God.

1:52:49I lost my galaxy britches in a game of pants darts. Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Durka Dub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, The Wild Thistle, most likely Cass, James Harlow is still sad about missing BurgerCon, Jasmine James, Dr. Caber Ant, also known as Omni, thanks Waffle Chateau, Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Zephyr and the Witch's Den, Zendria Jennifer Colkins Midday Burger Don Parks Throat Goat 666 Oh my god my dad found out about my Patreon name Princess Leia Fish in a Bag September Previously Observed and the Pattern Prime Freak Protector of the Scottish Realm Little Lord Stevie Pie Droid Pirate Finley And his Rubenesque Parrot Droid Pirate Finley And his Rubenesque Parrot Stuck in a Pit of Skittles Sea Squatch Deflator Mouse Tony P.

1:53:34Akarski Adrian R. The Devil from Table 12 Javier Crazy Thadley Crimulus is just happy to be here The Twisted Twigster Real Housewives of Seagius, Faye Queen, Hoop Schnart the Probability Demolition Expert, Showtime, Date, For My Mother, CCTX Girl 6823 Waiting on the Diner, Nicole Studioso, Security Alert, Sign My Shovel Inside Campus Perimeter. Kay the Flying Penguin would like everyone to know that penguins are not native to Greenland, no, not even the flying ones. Truck Stop Sandwich, Indigo Escargot, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Wandering Biscuit, Castriff, Aims Affection for Internet Protection, Retro MG, Night Script, Widget the World Watcher wearing a waistcoat and wig, Donald Shingler, Justin Wiley, Daniel Stavvy, T.U.

1:54:18Luther, Ali Oopsie not to be confused with Oopsie, Two Daddy Jazz Hands from Mouse Toots, Rachel Vasquez, Dan Gentry, Ron Hayden, the beloved yet borderline inappropriate empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Christabel, Fridge Pickle, I hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you, Britt Littlefair, Michelle Myers, Glenn Morris, Lizard Lee, Rosemary Prim, Thank you.

1:55:08Uhtred and Rose's Viking Void Vitals, fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Yeah, not sure what I'm doing. River Brown, Senior Deuce, Skullacy, Warped Rider, Tim Nacy, Ruben Clamso, Turwin, Hugh the Mini Mungo, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skull Bulb, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, The One True Cheap Con, Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck. Ho ho, ma mama. Glorbnar 7 now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars. Dooser now identifies as Roman Durge. The Other Adele. Chef Gal Val. Leah Hall.

1:55:46Sarah May. Minsky Enterprises is excited to announce that Cone of Silence Consultants LLC has been named its exclusive provider of logistics services. Silly Willy Bubblebutt. Sierra Not From Arkansas. Zeeco. Ebenezer Boob. Caleb Tumiala. Jason Woods. Arnie Arbuckle Esquire. Digital Floof Lost in Time. Potion Maestro. Nebula Nell. Regulators? Mount Up Wandering Scholar, Kringle Over Coffee Mad Yogi Eileen, A Cat Named M Petito Pato, Palace Big Mo, Demonic Narwhal 8 I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed, I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift The Stone Fox, Trisha Schaefer says Ew, David, that is not a taco Solivia, Juicetin, Papitos Krakow Hauer Henry the Goose, Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper Miles Nelson, I am a bomb till I think of something better to do.

1:56:36A-B-R-R-It-Words, Hotshot Huntley, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon Says What? Ivy Paisley, Toast. Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution. Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea. Mr. Trigvie, Printing with Cats. Khaleesi Del Mar, Von Vega, Dixie Dinah, 7 ,000 Possums. Sarah Jack Sparrow, Space Pony, Re-Vibe, Debbie E, Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures and his pilot, Uzi, Drifting Through Space. Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Line Cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, the gabbiest painter, and her bird of fire. Wandering Wenjo, Painted Oni, Q-Del, Pharrell, Emily with two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk, whoops, where's my Thribble?

1:57:15Jackie Wavelet, Yayoi Gagarin, Dee Greitzler, A Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut, Poofy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Mat Bat Sharkman, Steelo, Bumbling Lilybee, A quick pause so Joe can sip from his tiny teacup. It's a little too late for tea. I don't have any herbal. I can't do herbal tea. Herbal tea, I don't know. It feels like grass. Feels like grass soup. Bufardee's Nuts. Panda. Curtis Lellig. Kennedy Allison Farner. Tristan Stolz. Daylon Wye. Shadow Rapture. Yet another Nicole. Hank the Wonder Llama.

1:57:49R-Craft. Russell. Zephyrus Wind. The Ornamental Hermit. Jay to the Lynn. Just a regular fox. Jeremy Impson. What the hell? Cineplex. And all the black people in North Carolina. Just Rachel. Waffles, waffles, waffles. Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava Cigarette Ash, Hugh Biffed It, Ay Zeus, Anaphylaxis, Scav with Comtax, The Shape Shifting Sad Girl and Her Girlfriend Say, Joe You've Done It Again, Pipless Skin and Da Pippi Pond, Sarah Nicole, The Kells Fights with the Bethanys, Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source Decay, Descendant of the Spweather Catfish Whisperer, Vagabond Mary, Randy's Amigo, Bold Mouse, Katie Mermaid, and the delinquent duo, Norman, Nicole, Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Dangers, Security Chief Shatzi, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Naya Nix Reno, Frankenator, Nordlebash, Jordan, Arwen X Belasco, Ryan Rosensky, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hefeweizen, Monica and Mason K.

1:58:51In the mysterious AZHQ, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of Mike's, a jumble of James's, a trifecta of Tony's, one of whom still wants to be Leif, but sadly, no Bethany's. Rowan, Lady of the Black and Herald of the Stars. Arianne, Can't Manage Normal. Ryan Burnett, The Joyful Nihilist. Dr. Dr. B. Zoprez and the Bumble Army, Growing Into My Farm Boots. Superbeth Becomes an RN, alongside my bootstop friend. Geneva Boss. Arkansan, Not Arken Sawyer. Brothers of the Cosign. Uncivil Gnomes. The Rat Queen, Evelyn. Great Lunch Conversation. Captain Scott, Letty Lou, Kinger Was Here, Bobby Ray Winland Jr., Bebop Be Dabba Doo Wop, Warped Echoes, Slabs Bicterps, Mr.

1:59:30Boston Leather 2003, Jeremiah Franco, Justin the Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So We Made It, Cody McClure, McAdly, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lazat, Jingolos, Eris Goddess of Nobody, Hasmatilda, Ditzy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am A Leif On The Wind, Static Ego, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B, Nobby, your friendly neighborhood pathologists, going to be lit, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, externally screaming, but Bethany, I made biscuits, Scebo, and Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Asher the Raven, Christina Sanat is teleporting, BRB.

2:00:09The Shanes are not organized enough for a war, but there is a growing number of us and it is concerning. Definitely not an android, seriously I'm not. The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, The Kiwi Duckling, Dana Dana Bobena Fifi Fofena, Dad and Aubrey, The Dirt Bike Demons, Tequila Mockingbird, Snuffleupagoose, Dameron the Space Goblin, I So Pale, I Am Lord Zoltan, Hear Me Roar, Pocket Ghost Max, Mags the Conqueror, Wes and Heather, wonder if Derek Adair will join. My cat's name is Beef. Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy.

2:00:44Victor Casados, Emily Schmemely, work for Melvis. Boho go bye bye for Jojo Pogo, that's a no-go, bro. Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Dixie, Baby Baitin' Lee, Charlie Rudel, Kyle Perino, AK, Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Gandhi. The Wondering Mermaid would like you to know that the Little Mermaid and the Creature from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story. Little Stevie Pie, Green Mountain Hermit, deaf, allergic to Bethany Stew. Two Polar Cat is officially on Estrogen. Carl, the teller of dad jokes. Skylab's multidimensional, multiphasic, intergalactic, quantum cyberverse. Verde Soul. Galen Miller.

2:01:17Tess. Geriatric Youngun. Mystic Hippie. Unforkable. Local Marsh Hag. Daniel Nitz. Mavis Bacons. Pyro's Calling. Joe Suasion. The Wizard's supercalifragilistic expialidocious. And introducing Recy Pontiff as the 35th Doctor. Too many gens! Pamela Roselle Tierra. Then Steena Says. Thud Tweed. Enigmatic Catbird. Countess of Carbon. Slappy the Squirrel. Luminous Elk, Rhodian Caution, Love is for the nerds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the surviving crew, It's just Tyson now, Casper needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O2 tank, Quote says, Joe is the writer's room, Awkward Heretic, Devin7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northerly Kay, Lost Bassan, you know, the moon prison outside the triad, Kim Sel, Silly Goose Honk Honk, Ad Matha, Astro Unit, Ghost Saber Wolf, Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Taters, Precious, It's Just Steve, Sweets Martinez, Sharnoble610, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Chut, Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, No Saguaro, Benbar, Benbar, stand clear of the closing doors, please, Beastly Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunged, Tadwassanason, Virestria, Theosis the Theologianish, Nicole, I love you, but I will name kid too, Brathar, Fernwood Gal, Nellie G, Twinkletots, Gemini Sky, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Hornswoglin' Daniel Arthur, Mike LeCluzy, It's a fucking dog rapture.

2:02:38Abigail LeHue. King Humble. We'd better ask Dave. When Chimes for Safety. Cameron Winterborn Welsh. Fireball XL5. Mackenzie Duna. Alexica Habanera. Code Stranger. One bet, it bet. Ha ha ha ha ha. Matt N. Alfie Revenurum. Momo Nikiki. Frelp. M. Lin. Feed My Fish. J. R. R. on SFP. Lahari. J. Spark. Lucid Harbor. Little Mira Leopard Paws. Die at night. Mars Royalty. Take 20 damage. Maisie's Bandstand. Kim Bob. Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts McGortz, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hit It, Had It, Head It, Hot It, Hut It, Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okio, William Dyer, Brad Menear, Jane, Hannah Dale, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Killshot Betty and her Steel-Eyed Bo, Jackie Lowey, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Lily the Planetary Brain, Crazed Bear, Dr.

2:03:29Lattice Trash Angel figures recalled after flared base causes moral panic. Which craft is Crafty Lizard doing today? Noble Barrel. Yes, my brain is weird. Thank you. Bippity-boppity-boom. Megan The Meg Young. Corey Moroz. Russell Bunny. Max Savage. Jenny Wren. Apprehensive Craig. Tim Araneta. Bacon. Nicole Studioso. Rambo. Chaos Squatcher. That homeless guy who saw the diner disappear from Rogers and gave up booze. Mary Kirby. Stephanie Sturgis. Kirsten. Hurry Up and Wait. Sarah Farmer and Belladonna. First of her name. Criddle. Twilio. Heidelberti Tom Webster Rashmi Vinkatesh McClump Azana the Leathersmith Salazar the Dome Mage The Bard with the Tuba Hayward's Finest Garen Elizondo To my little You'll always be my good girl You took a piece of my heart And left a paw print on my soul Till we meet again Sir Shitsalot strikes again Damn animal Ashton James Elspeth Skyland ALR Sidewalk Jam Tonka 2005 Crewson B.

2:04:23Anthony Trix says Wherp Tybalt the First Alley Frog Trey the Turquoise Tortoise Freya Titmittens Courtney the Frogologist says, Rebit.

2:04:58Sunny D. Anomaly, Charmé, K-On with Karma, Amanda Nock, The Wondrous Methasaphon, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Racefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, In Shuligan, Rebecca Trossel, So Good, Many Names, God Are There, Chris from Tacoma, The Real Fairy Godmother, Sir Alphonse Suit Person, Knight of Hood's Pocket, Polished Pauldrons, Pacing Pine Packers, protecting pocket from sneaky skullduggery. Mitzi Liu, Kelsey Holm, still Casper's number one fan, but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom.

2:05:39Amanda Marie Catherine, Damien the goddamn Time Lawyer, Matt Mosby, Saint Phu, Harry Fishnuts, AstronoWeb, Magno's The Civil Gnome. Welcome everybody, I'm Hydealon and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger emotional support group. Starlight, David Pierini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weezlaff, Virgo Ares Infinity, Best of Buds Danny and M, Charles Q. Choi, A Bug Named Nat, CC Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, Ol' Cockinator, Ron Was Here, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Off and Wrong Dan, Jess Gioia, Paul A. Johnson, Killer Odd, Dr. Puncusher Esquire puts on a lil' hat and does a funny lil' dance.

2:06:14Creator 67, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Debra Wales, SCRB Mark 11, Eric A. Raybourn, Maggie's Yarm, Stew, Enthanomaly, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and LA, Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal, Fuck Ice, Captain Blep, Ryan, Evie Power, Terry, PJ Says What, Amanda Lucero, et al., Fear Now Doesn't Polish the Shiny Melon, Blargo, Blargo, Blargo, The Jazzman, Tonight at 11,

2:06:46Lorac the Barbarianess, Hicks Bessie Mates, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, It's Just Blake, Alice Malice apologizes for forgetting to change their name for an entire year, but at least it was fun. Kelly Jane Dankey, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, aka Casper from another universe, Chadney Ashra, Lucrezia, Thornis Animator, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, no not that Ava, the one within.

2:07:13Grim says, trance rights y 'all, Zaki Nat, underwater Corvid, Spizarinctum, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Mroon Maiselil, Grawlix and Terabang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyralis, Om Vega, Coming Soon, Dances with Burritos, Guacked and Loaded, Aaron Mitchell, Lady Keanu Myson, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R. the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Maloran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Colmizan, Colibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, Lanun Katakutan, Fred Fred Burger, What the Chuck, Sonu Nosuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd Van Voorhis, Nea Debruso, Peachy Zetuichi, Inky the Kraken, Azula the Brave, and their ever-faithful squire Grabthar, Gin Extraneous, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinket Coralie, and existentially Exhausted Bean.

2:08:00When we set up our business goose email, the very first thing I sent to Joe was an email that said, fucking professionals. Has this right and good to demonstrate. Just technically in our corporate documents now. Like if we were subpoenaed for all of our emails, that would be our very first email sent would be that. We hear Casper singing the Prisoner song, which I'm not doing right now. No. Come on. No. Lead me in. Come on. Come on. No. I did it. I don't care. Come on. Please. No. I signed a contract with the Chinese government to build three power plants, and it included a global pants shitting.

2:08:51Induced. Sorry, sorry. Here's what the contract says. It did both. Let me read this contract. Dear China. Dear Paul King China. Okay. Sorry, y 'all. I've been working with second graders all day. My brain is... That's right. They are so exhausting, I understand. Speaking of pants shitting, I mean, yeah. Am I right, everybody? so much talking in this episode honey all of them I mean there's nothing else in all of the that's all an episode can be is talking that's not true you do a lot of sound things there's not going to be a dance episode of Midnight Burger there should be there's a square dance already yeah it's like for Marguerite it's that thing where she's like this is my friend I kind of want to fuck her but I never will And that's a little fun.

2:09:47Like to have like that low pressure sexual tension. Yeah. And I was like, she kind of wants to fuck me, but she's the only other smart person here. So it's fine. And she's kind of funny. So I'll allow it. Maybe I'll get real drunk one time. Maybe we'll make out. The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish. If you've ever tried to hire someone in another country and immediately hit a wall of paperwork, compliance rules, and back-and-forth approvals, you know how fast that excitement can turn into a headache. That's exactly what Pebble is built to fix. Pebble is a global hiring platform that lets founders and HR leaders hire in over 185 countries in minutes, not months.

2:10:36Compliance isn't something you manage around with Pebble. It's built directly into the platform. A decade of expertise embedded into every workflow, so regulatory blind spots and costly mistakes don't slow you down. Contracts, payroll, benefits, it's all in one place, integrated with the tools your team already uses. And your new hire, onboarded by Monday. Pebble starts at$3.99 per month per employee. And right now, there's a limited time offer just for podcast listeners that makes it even easier to get started. Go to highpebble.ai before it's gone. That's highpebl.ai. Terms and conditions apply.