Chapter 54: A Diner in the Desert.

10:48Tess Segal:Look, X has been down before, and she managed to fix herself. Didn't you say that took a few decades? It did. But she was okay eventually.

11:04Let's not spend a few decades out here. I know.

11:10How could she be gone but we're still here? I don't know.

11:17Tess Segal:We were trying to take the hit for the diner, but maybe she decided to take the hit for us somehow. It's hard for me to figure out what she did when I have no idea how she works. At least we didn't wake up to pieces of her strewn across the desert.

11:42Tess Segal:It's an art installation.

11:52Uh... So, um... Do we, like, live here now? I don't know.

12:01Tess Segal:Do you like flatbread? Why? If we're in the Sahara, there's gonna be a lot of flatbread. Sounds like I'll have to like it. Well, there's always a McDonald's somewhere. Have you been here before? The Sahara? No. I guess I haven't. Kind of weird. I feel like I've been everywhere at this point. Even if she was here, we wouldn't be able to help her.

12:32I know. We don't know how far from civilization we are. I know.

12:40What would she want us to do? I know.

12:49Tess Segal:Okay.

12:53Tess Segal:Okay, which way was the first car driving? That way. Same direction as the other car. I guess we follow the flow of traffic. Hopefully we get to town before nightfall. You don't want to do this at all, do you? No, we should. We should. Dad. You should probably hide your gun. It's not great for hitchhiking. Okay. Let's go.

13:31So, what do you think our new life in the desert is going to be like?

13:34Tess Segal:I don't know. There's got to be something resembling a DMV around here somewhere, right? You're going to go from your time-traveling adventures right back into the DMV? I have a very limited set of skills, David. How about you?

13:52Textiles. Oh, textiles. I'll get a boat and sell rugs to every port city in the Mediterranean. Rugs are important. How else are people going to tie the room together? There's literally no other way.

14:11What is it? You hear that?

14:23Tess Segal:Well, there goes that dream. I guess I should expect this by now. Hey.

14:28Leeman Kessler:Hi, are you open? I'm sorry, we're not. Can you come back in 12 hours?

14:35Tess Segal:We literally can't.

14:36Leeman Kessler:Get in here. Hey, Gloria. You guys had me pretty worried.

14:40Tess Segal:We're okay.

14:41Leeman Kessler:Where's X? I don't know.

14:43Tess Segal:We can't find her. When that thing hit us, everything got very strange. by the time either of us could see straight, she was nowhere to be found.

14:51Leeman Kessler:All right. All right. Well, let's get inside and start hoping for the best, okay? Okay. Thanks for, you know, saving all of our lives and stuff. Sure. Well, well. Returned are the conquering heroes.

15:11Tess Segal:Hey, Zebulon. Did we find them? Sure enough. We were brought right to them, dear.

15:16Joe Fisher:Well, look at you, weary traveler. Hey, Effie. I see you're missing a member of your party.

15:23Tess Segal:Yeah.

15:23Joe Fisher:All right. Well, you know what they say about hope, Casper. It springs eternal.

15:29Tess Segal:That's what I hear.

15:30Joe Fisher:Hey. Hey.

15:32Camille Smicker:Hug me. Okay. I was really freaking out. We're okay. Where's your friend?

15:38Tess Segal:We don't know.

15:39Camille Smicker:Oh, God.

15:40Tess Segal:Michael Waynes, there's a very tall person hovering over the radio.

15:44Joe Fisher:Yes, that is Mr. Voon. Turns out our presence has Mr. Voon quite confounded. Mr. Voon, say hello. Forgive me, I am Voon.

15:55Siouxsie Suarez:Hey, Voon, we are deeply indebted to you for saving us. Don't mention it. Sweet Jesus, is that an espresso machine?

16:00Camille Smicker:It is. Civilization? It's here! Let me make you something. Please, bring me anything that makes me look good. Okay. Hey, uh, I'm Phil. Hey, Phil, thanks for picking us up. Thanks for saving our asses.

16:13Joe Fisher:Casper, you are looking road hard and put away wet. Why don't you go and put your feet up? Casper, sometimes all there is to do is hope and put one's feet up. Yeah. Yeah, okay. What's going on there? They were three, and they came back to us too. Oh, shit.

16:36Leeman Kessler:Voon, any idea where we are? One moment. A floating ball, an espresso machine. This place is so modern now. Fiona, did you add an HR department?

16:49Camille Smicker:God, can you imagine? Oh, I know I'm getting fired. This place is getting nice. I almost feel like I can hang out here now. What are you drinking? It's a mochaccino. A mochaccino. It's very small. It is. Have you got any room for coffee in there? I have room for coffee, but no room for your disdain. There's no disdain. I support your tiny coffee. Casper, I have a special skill where I can match someone to the perfect espresso drink based on vibes alone.

17:12Tess Segal:I'm sorry, Fiona. I actually lost my vibes in a car accident one time.

17:16Camille Smicker:No, seriously, watch.

17:18Tess Segal:Okay.

17:21Camille Smicker:Damn, all I'm getting from you is black coffee. Hey, Casper, I talked to Kazi before we showed up here.

17:28Leeman Kessler:And? She says that after you guys saved us, they powered down the weapon. They think that whatever happened is their fault. It bought us some time. Good.

17:39Tess Segal:Time is good.

17:40Leeman Kessler:Kazi's going to use that time to make a move on Kroc. Her ships are headed there as we speak.

17:45Tess Segal:Okay. I guess we're going to be less help than I thought now.

17:50Leeman Kessler:Yeah.

17:51Tess Segal:Quick question.

17:52Leeman Kessler:What?

17:53Tess Segal:What?

17:56Leeman Kessler:What? Okay, so, funny story.

18:00Tess Segal:What the fuck is that thing? Gloria, what the fuck is the murder beast doing here?

18:04Leeman Kessler:We didn't really have a choice. Sure you did, Gloria. Listen. If this were a video game, that's a thing I should be shooting. It's not a video game. What the fuck is that thing?

18:14Tess Segal:What is it doing here?

18:15Leeman Kessler:We had to bring it with us.

18:16Tess Segal:Gloria, how many animals are you going to bring aboard the diner? Is a flood coming? It's human.

18:23Siouxsie Suarez:No, it's not. I'm afraid what Gloria says is the truth. It has departed severely from developmental norms, but the creature's base, DNA, and organics are that of a human.

18:33Leeman Kessler:We went back to its planet. Turns out when we first touched down there, we were in cryptessia. That thing was created by Croc. That thing? Yes. Is just another one of Croc's experiments? Yes. I realize he's a psychotic space god and everything, but why does he have to make it weird?

18:55Camille Smicker:I know it's terrifying, but honestly, it's kind of a sweetie. Well, let's put a bow on it.

19:00Joe Fisher:We were surprised as well, Casper, but it appears our betoothed friend is just another of the many maligned folks in the neighborhood. Our hearts have gone out to it, Casper. He's not unlike a big old dog who's had a terrible owner for years. He sleeps under a corner booth most of the time. Only comes out when he's hungry, so we keep a whole chicken in the oven and whenever he comes out, well, here you go, big man.

19:32Whoa. Oof.

19:35Tess Segal:Bones and all, huh? Wait. I thought it could only eat its own kind.

19:40Leeman Kessler:It changed. Apparently, after I gave it that cup of coffee, something happened. We decided it was in danger on its own planet, so... So now it lives under a booth.

19:58Tess Segal:Okay. Okay. Well, I hope we don't run out of chickens.

20:04Leeman Kessler:It's safe for now, but we need to find it a permanent home.

20:09Tess Segal:It's not safe here, Gloria. This isn't a safe place. There were three of us in that queue.

20:18Siouxsie Suarez:Em reports we are currently in the northern desert of the African continent in the nation of Algeria, information aid societies.

20:25Leeman Kessler:Oh, we've been here before.

20:27Siouxsie Suarez:I thought it looked familiar.

20:28Leeman Kessler:Casper, let me make you something. Can I get you something?

20:32Tess Segal:I'm okay. I'm going to, uh, I'm going to go up to the roof, have a look around. Maybe I can see something from there. Okay?

20:42Leeman Kessler:Sure. How's he doing? Gloria, this is going to shock you to hear, but sometimes people say they're okay when in fact, they aren't. What? It's true. You're kidding. Can you believe it? So he's being Mr. Holding It All Together right now, huh? Yeah, he's... I don't know. He's pretty shook up. You know, they went on this whole odyssey together, the two of them. Crisscrossed the triad trying to track us down when he got separated from the diner. When he got back, he was... He was different somehow. He was a little bit lighter. She brought something out in him. Excuse me for a second, guys.

21:43Camille Smicker:Hey, Mucklewaynes.

21:44Joe Fisher:Fiona, can I ask you, what in all heck happened while we were away? It looks like this house has been turned upside down.

21:51Camille Smicker:Uh, well, there was one time when an Air Force pilot being chased by aliens was coming through the speakers.

21:57Joe Fisher:That'll do it. It does look like an airplane's been flown right through the library. Found the trivet, dear. It was filed among the symphonic works. What do you need, Fiona?

22:09Camille Smicker:We're a little worried about Casper. Would you guys mind if I brought you up to the roof? Hmm.

22:16Joe Fisher:Hmm. That's not a bad inclination, Fiona, but perhaps the wrong tool for the job. Yes. Sometimes a friend's voice can be like an old hat. Necessary, yet you hardly notice it anymore. Pardon me there, Phillip. What's up? I know we've just met, but you strike me as a man that is easy to speak with. Thank you. At times, a man needs new voices in his head to shake up the mess. Could we trouble you to head upwards and check in on our friends? That's no problem. Now, Philip, do not let him get ornery with you. He is sometimes resistant to a pleasant conversation. I know the type. I'll be up top. Thanks, Phil.

23:03Joe Fisher:Mr. Voon, how goes your investigation?

23:07Siouxsie Suarez:I am confounded.

23:08Joe Fisher:Well, how do you like that?

23:09Siouxsie Suarez:M has scanned the receiver in all ways possible, and I have detected no complex technology.

23:14Joe Fisher:We remain a mystery, dear. Keeps things interesting. Oop, found the waffle iron, dear. Well, how did it make its way in from the kitchen? Curiosity, perhaps?

23:23Siouxsie Suarez:To clarify, you're currently speaking to me from what you perceive to be your home.

23:28Joe Fisher:Well, I certainly hope it is. Otherwise, I'm doing housework for somebody else.

23:32Siouxsie Suarez:And you understand your home to be within this receiver?

23:35Joe Fisher:It's what we're speaking out of, but I can't imagine how we'd fit a whole house inside of it, Mr. Boone. Would be an easier house to clean, though.

23:43Siouxsie Suarez:I... I am unsure how to proceed. Don't let that dissuade you, Mr. Voon. I'm sure you'll find a way forward somehow.

23:53Joe Fisher:Let's read Mr. Voon a little something, dear. I just found old Hildegard's book under the dresser. Haven't seen that one in an age. Now, let's find a good one. Here we are. Glance at the sun. See the moon and the stars. Gaze at the beauty of the Earth's greenings. now think how's that help you?

24:20Siouxsie Suarez:that does not help me at all listen to the heartbeat Chevy is called the heartbeat of America for a reason with SUVs made to move with your rhythm the versatile Equinox tackles your entire day the spacious Traverse fits your crew and your whole weekend and tracks bring style with value you can count on all infused with tech that has your back so your drive always hits the right chord chevrolet together let's drive chronic migraine is 15 or more headache days a month each lasting four hours or more botox on a botulinum toxin a prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine before they start it's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month it prevents on average eight to nine headache days a month versus six to seven for placebo prescription botox is Injected by your doctor.

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26:26Tess Segal:That's way better than the rusty ladder we used to use. Seeing anything? No. Sun's going down soon. Won't be much to see after that. I'm not really looking for anything. Trying not to be that guy, huh? What do you mean? People are happy to see each other down there. You're trying not to ruin it for them. I don't know.

27:02You know, before I was in this chair, I was a test pilot for the Air Force. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Anything cool?

27:11Tess Segal:The Harrier was pretty cool. Is that the one that did the vertical takeoff? Yeah. It was cool, but turns out I like taking off. And when you do it vertically, you feel more like a helicopter. And I fucking hate helicopters. Yeah, helicopters have never seemed like a good idea to me. They shouldn't fly. It's against God's plan. Right. And then before all that, I flew A4s in the South China Sea. When did they pick you up?

27:451981. Oh. So if you want to talk about losing people, I can do that all night.

27:56Tess Segal:I'm a little different from the people downstairs. How so? Let me guess, you found this place and thought it sounded like an amazing adventure. Something like that, yeah. I walked in to use the phone, and it just grabbed me. I didn't choose any of this.

28:17How's that make you different? I don't know. You didn't sign up for it. Yeah. So when you lose somebody, it's just another thing happening to you. I guess so. I imagine this whole time other people have felt like they're doing something and you've been feeling like something's just happening to you. For sure. That's fucked up, man. Right? It is. It's real fucked up.

28:54Did they send you up here to turn me around or something? They may have, but that's not what I'm trying to do. I came up here to say your situation's real fucked up. Like, you got abducted and have been trying to make a life out of it. That's literally it. And that's fucked up. Thank you. I will say this, though. I was in a coma for nine months after my accident. Jesus. When I came to, my co-pilot was sitting right there. He said to me that he'd been right at my side the whole time. He'd wake up in the morning, head to the hospital, and sit there waiting for me to wake up. I said to him, what'd you do that for?

29:46You should be flying. What do you think she'd want you to be doing right now?

29:58We've got company.

30:02Oh, this will be cool. What? Hey, Fiona.

30:06Camille Smicker:Yeah? To our eggs. Oh, yeah? Looks like it. Awesome. What's up? Nomadic types. They live in this part of the world. They set up camp and play music all night. Oh, okay. It's going to be a nice night, man. Come on down.

30:24Camille Smicker:So there are these little bands of people, and they roam all over the desert. It's really cool. Voon, come here. Do they want to come in? They camp outside all night.

30:32Siouxsie Suarez:Do I need to wear the head covering?

30:33Camille Smicker:Yeah, sit down. I still got that scarf under the counter. The men wear this combo head-scarf-face covering thing. It's called a tegelmust. If I put this on Voon, he doesn't have to hide. As long as they don't look too close, he just looks like a really tall guy. What can I do? They pretty much take care of themselves. I'm going to bring them a pitcher of water. Be right back. Okay. Our young Fiona appears to have made herself quite a home here.

30:59Joe Fisher:She'll strike you as a bit skittish, but she's got some brass rivets on her, doesn't she? Hey, Gloria. Do you guys ever cook outside? We have, but it's been a while. I was just thinking some kind of activity might be a good idea.

31:16Leeman Kessler:I think that's a great idea. What's going on? We're going to cook outside tonight.

31:21Tess Segal:Cook outside?

31:22Leeman Kessler:Yeah.

31:22Tess Segal:There's a whole kitchen right there.

31:23Leeman Kessler:I know, but it's inside. It's going to be a nice night. Maybe we could use the fresh air.

31:29Tess Segal:I don't know. What about bugs?

31:31Leeman Kessler:We're cooking outside is what we're doing. Okay, fine. Phil, is that okay with you? It's all right with us. Fiona's got 36 different kinds of grilled cheese sandwiches at this point. We've had them all. We're in the desert. What are we going to burn for the fire? I believe they have a solution for that problem. Well, I know I, for one, am going to need a break from all the mess over here.

31:51Joe Fisher:I as well. My next step is beating out this rug of ours, and I'm not looking forward to it.

31:57Leeman Kessler:I think that's great. A break really sounds nice.

32:01Tess Segal:It's not a break. We're not on a break. This isn't a vacation, for fuck's sake.

32:08Tess Segal:I'm sorry. Uh, do whatever you need to do, okay?

32:21Some people, in order to discover the divine, read books. But there is a greater book. The great world spun all around you. Look above you. Look below you. It is the greatest story. What you seek in books lay within pages not writ with ink. A story written with the world itself. Who can ask for a finer work than that?

32:58Camille Smicker:What are you reading from, Sibulan? Well, Fiona, I thought I'd take advantage of the great reorganization here at the house to dip into some work I've not seen in a cow's age. Saint Augustine of Hippo. Born right here in this part of the world, long ago when Rome spanned from ocean to ocean.

33:24Joe Fisher:I've been doing the same, but mine's from a man by the name of Khaldun. The purpose of this life is not simply worldly delights. This entire world is trifling and futile and can strive towards death and annihilation. The purpose of this life is our soul's nourishment, leading to happiness in the great beyond. I took a liberty or two there. I celebrate your interpretation, dear.

33:50Siouxsie Suarez:The first author, he wishes to portray the world as a message, a message from a deity unto its disciples? He does, Mr. Voon. But the message is not explicit.

33:59Joe Fisher:Thank you very much for saying so, Mr. Voon. It is not. Our Lord chooses to obscure the message, which, I have remarked time and again, is a poorly way to deliver a message.

34:17Siouxsie Suarez:Theology, then, for you, is a struggle between interpretations. Indeed, Mr. Voon. Lots of folks out there saying they found it, and a whole lot of other folks saying they haven't. And how does that come to its ultimate resolution? That, Mr. Voon, is the theologian's journey. All of us trying to clear away the haze over the message to us all. And this message that your deity delivers to you through the creation of the world, what do you believe this message to be? A simple one, Mr. Voon. You are loved.

34:55Joe Fisher:And how is it with you, Mr. Voon? How do y 'all discern the great mysteries in your neck at the woods?

35:00Siouxsie Suarez:The Erts do not have a higher deity that we commune with. Rather, our spiritual life is developed within community. In our oldest language, the word Ert means lost, or rather, lost ones. We speak of a time aeons ago when we wandered and dwelt in confusion. It was only in each other we were able to find meaning and purpose.

35:21Joe Fisher:Well, that certainly speaks to your comportment, Mr. Voon. You may be the most polite creature we've ever happened upon.

35:30Siouxsie Suarez:Thank you. I have enjoyed your politeness as well, and how seamlessly it is infused with a certain frankness. One might find those two things at odds.

35:38Joe Fisher:That's just called being from Arkansas.

35:40Camille Smicker:Anyway, it was really rough for a while. Luckily, Phil and Voon got me through it, but damn, I was fucked up for a while. It's not like we were married or something. It was just a couple of years. Yeah, but a couple of years equals ten years in a lesbian relationship. Right? At two years, you guys have got a mortgage. You've got a booth at the farmer's market. Five rescue dogs. At least. The first one's always the toughest. Next time, you'll be worldly and wizened. Next time. How do I pull that off? I've kind of a demanding work schedule. You'll figure it out. What about you? I mean, I know you've been at war and everything, but at least you've been staying in the same place.

36:26Oh, I've been doing very well.

36:28Camille Smicker:Of course you have. You know how they say there's no atheists and foxholes? Yeah. No straight people either. Wow.

36:37Camille Smicker:I'm kind of excited to go to war now. Right? Hey, Fiona. Yeah. Casper's just hanging out up on the road. Why don't you go talk to him? Me? Yeah. Trust me. Should I? I've been talking to him and it hasn't helped. Might as well give it a shot. I don't really know him that well. Fiona, trust me. Okay. Okay, I'll go talk to him. If you talk to him, he would just try and hold it together. You know? I get it. Alright, food's almost ready.

37:15I'm not sure how much our talk on the roof helped, so I sent in Fiona. We'll see if she does any better.

37:21Leeman Kessler:He's a tough nut to crack, but he's not uncrackable. All in a day's work. So, Phil, you had one look at Boone and thought, this is the place for me, huh? I mean, it took a little more investigation than that, but not much. You were ready to jump? I had gotten a job offer. What did that have to do with anything? I got an offer to join the sales team at Sears, selling washing machines. Well, that sounds... That sounds exactly how it sounds. Another pilot friend of mine, Mark Scott, he left after two tours, honorable discharge. He went off to sell Chevys in Fort Lauderdale, happy as a clam. Nothing wrong with selling washing machines.

38:11People need washing machines. There are some things that cut you off from the world. Know what I mean?

38:22Leeman Kessler:Yeah. I'm rolling down the street, watching people go to and from work, and I'm just like... Where is everybody going? Where are they going, Gloria? I don't know. So, I was just kind of wandering around. I decided to hit up a VA. But you stopped by a diner first. I did. Any regrets? No. You? Not really. Oh, I've got a great Scottish boyfriend out there, somewhere, but still, I like it out here.

39:19Hey.

39:22Tess Segal:Hey, Fiona.

39:24Camille Smicker:Food will be ready soon. Okay. What are you looking at?

39:33Tess Segal:Fiona, I really don't need people to keep checking up on me.

39:38Camille Smicker:Well, I don't need a second cup of coffee in the morning, but I guess it always happens.

39:45Camille Smicker:What are you looking at?

39:47Tess Segal:There's a storm, but I think it's moving past us. It can be kind of dangerous in the desert.

39:53Camille Smicker:Wow, that lightning is crazy.

39:56Tess Segal:Yeah.

40:03Camille Smicker:Whoa.

40:04Tess Segal:Wow.

40:05Camille Smicker:What the fuck was that? Damn. It was red. It's, uh...

40:09Tess Segal:Ah, shit, I can't remember the name. It's like lightning, but in the upper atmosphere, so it looks red.

40:15Camille Smicker:That was crazy.

40:16Tess Segal:It's really rare. I haven't seen one of those since I was a kid.

40:19Camille Smicker:It looked like aliens were attacking, but only for half a second.

40:21Tess Segal:That's weird, right?

40:23Camille Smicker:And that's really rare?

40:24Tess Segal:Really rare. You might not see one ever again.

40:33Camille Smicker:You saw one when you were a kid?

40:35Tess Segal:Yeah, I was...

40:43What?

40:45Tess Segal:You've seen Close Encounters, right?

40:49Camille Smicker:Nope.

40:50Tess Segal:Fiona, what are you doing with your life you haven't seen Close Encounters?

40:52Camille Smicker:Uh, running from actual aliens?

40:55Tess Segal:Okay. Well, there's this scene where a little kid gets abducted by aliens. It's right out of his house. So if you're a little kid and you see that scene, you're like, fuck me. I'm going to get sucked up into the sky at any moment.

41:14Camille Smicker:And then one day you see red lightning shooting out of a storm front.

41:19Tess Segal:I slept under the bed, Fiona, under it.

41:22Camille Smicker:Oh, no.

41:23Tess Segal:For a week.

41:24Camille Smicker:Oh, God, for a week?

41:25Tess Segal:So one of my moms literally dragged me to a community college and tracked down a meteorologist and was like, tell him he didn't see aliens. So the very confused meteorologist explained to me what it was and that I was actually very lucky because of how rare it was. And I was like, fuck you, weather guy. I don't feel lucky.

41:48Camille Smicker:So, as a child, you had an intense fear of being abducted? Yeah. And then... I know.

42:02Tess Segal:Poetic, right?

42:04Camille Smicker:You had two moms?

42:06Tess Segal:Yeah, I did.

42:08Camille Smicker:That makes sense.

42:09Tess Segal:I get that a lot.

42:15Camille Smicker:You know, you guys literally kidnapped me. What? I'm standing there, I'm working in a coffee shop, and then I suddenly wake up in your walk-in. Then I escape your walk-in to find I'm on another planet.

42:30Tess Segal:Yeah, uh, I imagine that was pretty rough.

42:34Camille Smicker:And then an alien ship landed and three aliens got out and one of them performed brain surgery on me in your parking lot.

42:41Tess Segal:You know, when you put it all together in one sentence like that...

42:46Camille Smicker:There were times when I felt a little different from Phil and Voon. Because they were able to stand there and say, Yes, traveling diner. I choose this. It's all just been happening to me.

43:06Camille Smicker:So maybe don't feel so alone around me, okay? Okay.

43:18Tess Segal:Sorry we kidnapped you. It's okay.

43:24Camille Smicker:My life was in danger.

43:29Mine was too.

43:37Hey, do we have a customer?

43:40Tess Segal:What? Is she backpacking through the desert at night?

43:44Camille Smicker:Maybe it's cooler? Oh, thank God. Hey, are they open? What? Are they open?

43:53Tess Segal:Yeah. Amazing.

43:58Tess Segal:What the fuck?

43:59Camille Smicker:Was that...

44:00Tess Segal:I don't know.

44:02Camille Smicker:Why does she look human now?

44:04Tess Segal:I don't know. I'm sorry. Could you repeat that? I've been walking for a long time, and I really would love an actual restroom with plumbing and everything. I promise I'll buy something, but could I use your restroom first? Sure. Thanks. Casper? I'm not seeing things right. That was the darndest thing. That was her. But appeared to be made of flesh and blood.

44:34Siouxsie Suarez:What the hell's happening? Voon? The only technology detected is a cellular telephonic device and a receiver for global positioning data.

44:41Leeman Kessler:What the hell is going on?

44:43Siouxsie Suarez:I don't know.

44:44Leeman Kessler:She didn't recognize any of us. Something's going on.

44:47Camille Smicker:Something's definitely going on, but what the hell is going on? All right, y 'all.

44:52Joe Fisher:Something is afoot in this here parking lot. So, let's get ourselves a plan. I'll offer this. Back when Effie and I ran a church, from time to time we'd have a wayward soul passing through. A complete stranger to us all. Effie and I found the best approach to a wandering soul is to not make a fuss and stare. We've got ourselves a nice gathering here. We'll invite the mystery in and then set ourselves to the task of solving it. First off, we'll need someone who's finally adept at minding someone else's business. David. That's David. Oh, I will get all up in her business. You are duly elected. Y 'all make it like it's a party, and David will get to nosing around.

45:42Here she comes, y 'all. As you were. So then I said to him, my friend the rhino says, be nice.

45:54Camille Smicker:Phil, I love that story that you always tell Hey there Hi I'm David Come have a seat Are you hungry? I am actually desperate for anything that's not a cliff bar You've come to the right place Judging by my surroundings, I've come to the only place Which makes it the right one What's your name? I'm Ri Love your name This is Gloria, Phil, Fiona. The tall guy is Voon. Greetings. And that's Casper. Hi. Hey, everyone. This is a wild location for a diner. People look at us a little weird, but they're always grateful they found us. Where are you headed? China. China. Yes. I've gotten that look a lot.

46:44At last I checked, we're in Algeria. We are. Voon, how far is Algeria from China? Roughly 11 ,000 kilometers. 11 ,000 kilometers, Ri. That's as the crow flies? The crow. Yes. That's as the crow flies, Ri. I know. You're not a crow, so that's going to be even farther. It's going to be quite a trip. I started in Tangier. I'm going over to Egypt, up into Iraq, through a bunch of countries ending in Stan, then down through India, Sri Lanka, then over to China. Oh my God. On foot? Well, I'm sure I'll have to grab a boat or a train from time to time, but yeah. On foot. Well, that sounds fucking insane, Ri.

47:32I know. It does. I mean, it really does. What possesses someone to do that? I don't know. Bad breakup? Yep. Did you read that book Wild and then buy some hiking boots? No. Nothing like that. Did you ever feel like you were spread out too thin? Like you needed to gather yourself back up again? Yeah, sure. You know what I do when I feel that way? Go to the beach for a day. Yeah. It's a little crazy. but I've traveled around my whole life anyway. I'm kind of used to it. Where are you from? Tyler, Texas. Really? You don't have an accent. Well, yeah, that's the funny thing about Texas. Some people can't help it and then for other people, it's like kind of a choice.

48:30George W. Bush was the only guy in that family with a Texas accent. You know what I mean? Got it. So who works here and who's a customer? We all work here. It's a slow night. It's lucky you came along. We would have gone out of business. Psst.

48:50Joe Fisher:Casper. What? You're putting too much salt in the soup base there, Casper.

48:58Tess Segal:I'm what? Casper, don't take offense, but we're all playing a fine game of cards here, and you're showing your hand a bit. Can you two say something plainly for once, please?

49:07Joe Fisher:We always speak as plainly as we can, Casper. You think I'm speaking Igpe Ad and Lay? My friend, you've got a look of concern on your face that runs a bit contrary to the moment.

49:21Tess Segal:The look of concern is because I'm concerned.

49:24Joe Fisher:And you're running the risk of scaring off the grouse before we can get our sights set on it, Casper.

49:29Tess Segal:What do you want me to do? Casper, Effie and myself are no good out here either. Perhaps we should excise ourselves from the situation. Let others do the good work.

49:43Joe Fisher:The others are perfectly capable of sussing out the situation, Casper. Let's adjourn to the dining room and let the chips fall where they may. Some things can't be done by forcing them, Casper. Fine.

49:55Tess Segal:Hey, guys, I'm going to go inside and see if I can fix the radio, okay?

49:59Leeman Kessler:Fix the radio? Right, fix the radio. Okay, Casper. Listen to the heartbeat. Chevy is called the heartbeat of America for a reason. With SUVs made to move with your rhythm. The versatile Equinox tackles your entire day. The spacious Traverse fits your crew and your whole weekend. And tracks bring style with value you can count on. All infused with tech that has your back. So your drive always hits the right chord. Chevrolet. Together, let's drive.

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51:31Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more.

52:01And eligibility vary by state. There. Happy?

52:06Joe Fisher:It's for the best, Casper. Let's let the oddness of the situation breathe for a bit. Okay.

52:16Tess Segal:I'm sorry. You've nothing to apologize for. If there's anyone I shouldn't be worried about, it's her, I guess. but it just hit harder than I expected. I didn't mean to screw anything up.

52:34Joe Fisher:Casper, we are not going to sit here and let you beat yourself up. As you know, that's Effie's job. Don't take my work away from me, Casper. I am too good at it.

52:43Tess Segal:Okay, sure.

52:49Tess Segal:It was just her and me for a while. Back when I got separated from the diner. we were wandering around looking for you guys, and the entire time she kept asking me questions about how to be human, and how things worked, and why things were important.

53:17Tess Segal:I would open my mouth, and things would just come out. Things that surprised me. Turns out I had feelings about things I had thoughts about things I had things to say and I didn't know it I guess nobody ever asked Again, that's not unlike our congregation back home You sit a man down You ask him how he feels Sometimes a whole world emerges when you ask that All those thoughts they've kept to themselves come flooding out like a river in a rainstorm There was a lot I didn't know about myself until she came along I don't know, um The thought of her not being around Casper, you're slow to make friends Always have been

54:21Joe Fisher:In fact, you only seem to make them when they're forced on you. Because of that, it just scares the bejesus out of you to imagine them being gone. It took a miracle to get them in your heart to begin with. But speaking of miracles, let's make room for one presently, shall we? There she stands, in some form, right outside. Let's let the good work commence.

54:55Tess Segal:Goddamn, we've got Peter doing the mopping?

54:57Joe Fisher:These children are too soft.

55:02So what a weird job you have. You have no idea. How do you end up out here?

55:10Camille Smicker:Uh, right. Well, I went through a bad breakup and, you know, just had to get out of my life. So I wound up here. That's so crazy. Me too. Really? Yeah. I mean, it was bad. I'm still kind of messed up over it. Her name was Catherine. We met in Manchester. We were together for two years, but then she just kind of freaked out. You know? After two years, just walked out the door.

55:50Catherine? But she used to say stuff like, you blossom in the wintertime like a camellia. I mean, how do you say that about someone and then just leave?

56:04Camille Smicker:Yeah. Hey, I saw there was a shower in the bathroom. Do you think they'd mind if I used it? It's been a minute since I've had running water.

56:16Camille Smicker:No, sure. Go ahead. Cool. I'll be back in a bit.

56:26Fix it yet?

56:27Tess Segal:What's that? The radio. Did you fix it yet? No, not yet. You should just get a new one. It's one of a kind. Okay. Casper's a name you don't hear a lot. My name? Your name is Re. I know. I had weird parents. It's short for Rila. Rila? Yeah. It's even spelled weird, too. R-I-H-L-A. Thanks, Mom and Dad. Yeah. Anyway, I'm going to use your shower. Okay.

57:08Tess Segal:God damn it.

57:10Leeman Kessler:Hey. Hey. So there's definitely something weird going on and we need to get to the bottom of it. And I guess we should move fast. We're not going to be in the Sahara forever.

57:27Tess Segal:We're not in the Sahara.

57:31Leeman Kessler:What?

57:50Hey! Where is everybody?

57:53Tess Segal:They're across the street. They wanted to say hi to the neighbors. Okay. Are they open all night? Would it be weird if I stayed here until the morning?

58:09Tess Segal:How long are we going to do this for, X?

58:15Uh, what?

58:16Tess Segal:Phil is from Tyler, Texas. He has a theory that the Texas accent is actually optional and cites the fact that George W. Bush is the only one in the family that had a Texas accent. Well, that's... That's what I say. Before you arrived, I saw a red lightning from the upper atmosphere hit a storm that was passing us. It was a crystal clear memory from when I was a kid. Some of them have been here before. A fond memory of being in the Sahara Desert with Tuareg music playing across the street. I don't know what's happening. Fiona went through a really bad breakup with a girl named Catherine that she met in Manchester.

59:01Tess Segal:Catherine said she blossomed in the wintertime like a camellia. And I can talk to you all day about a guy named Ibn Battuta who traveled on foot from Tangier to Egypt, up into Iraq, and over to China. It took him 30 years. When he finally returned home, he dictated all of his travels to a scholar. The book of his travels is called the Rila. R-I-H-L-A

59:38Tess Segal:I'm not waiting 30 years for you.

59:43What's happening?

59:44Tess Segal:We're in your head, X. You created a little world made of bits and pieces of our memories. You were coming apart and you reached out and put all of us in your head. You needed an anchor. You needed real things so that you didn't forget who you were.

1:00:08Tess Segal:I know who you are. Look inside my head. You'll find yourself there.

1:00:20Casper. Hey.

1:00:29There I am.

1:00:30Tess Segal:Are you okay? That was rough. What happened? I thought... I thought there was a chance that the beam would destroy the cube. So I tried to stop it myself. If it took me out, you guys might still have a chance of surviving. How did you stop it? I figured I couldn't stop it by myself. So for about three milliseconds, there were 100 of me. 100? Yeah. How did you do that? I don't know. But I shouldn't do it again. It made me forget who I was and stranded us in the Sahara Desert in my head. Yeah, don't do that again. I won't.

1:01:18X, seriously, never do that again. I won't, Casper. Okay.

1:01:30Tess Segal:I'm glad you can read my mind so I never have to tell you how much you mean to me

1:01:37Siouxsie Suarez:No Do you want to do it anyway?

1:01:41Tess Segal:Absolutely not Can you get rid of all this desert shit please? Sure

1:01:54Joe Fisher:X! There she is Hey guys That was crazy. Fascinating. We were a little worried about you there, darling. I'm okay. It was a lovely desert. Thank you. Casper was pretty worried. You all were. I was in your heads, remember? There's the cube!

1:02:09Tess Segal:Does it still work? It still works. It never got hit. It was all X. X, are you okay? It sucked. I think I'll just let him get killed next time. Good idea. So wait, how long have we actually been here? You've been here for a while, actually. You're probably going to jump soon.

1:02:29Leeman Kessler:Shit. Okay. Everybody, listen. We're going to jump soon, and I'm assuming when we do, the diner is going to take us where the action is. I really don't know what to expect. How is it different from any other day? Are you ready to get back in the cube? I am ready. Let's do this.

1:02:48Tess Segal:Okay, we'll go in the boom cube. I guess we'll see you guys on the battlefield or something.

1:02:53Camille Smicker:It would be kind of hilarious if we went to Wyoming.

1:02:55Tess Segal:Wyoming sounds nice.

1:02:57Camille Smicker:Let's go. I'm mad. Okay.

1:02:59Tess Segal:Good luck, guys. Wait, everyone. Before you go. Zebulon. A prayer. Excuse me. A prayer. Fine. Lord, we go to battle. And for that, we ask your forgiveness. For in truth, every battle is a failure. For we fail to see each other as you see us. we failed to see the great commonality bestowed upon us all. So grant us your forgiveness, O Lord. And as with every battle, please let it be the last one. May conflict and strife become a distant memory that our children never know. And ready, break. Okay, let's go kick some ass.

1:03:55Leeman Kessler:Good luck. Casper, hang back a second, okay?

1:03:59Tess Segal:Okay. I'm right behind you. What's up?

1:04:03Leeman Kessler:Hi. Hi. I really wanted to cook outside tonight.

1:04:08Tess Segal:Yes. Sorry about that. We were trapped in X's brain.

1:04:11Leeman Kessler:And now we're going into battle, apparently.

1:04:13Tess Segal:Yeah.

1:04:14Leeman Kessler:Which is pretty ridiculous.

1:04:16Tess Segal:I agree.

1:04:16Leeman Kessler:What are we doing?

1:04:17Tess Segal:I have no idea.

1:04:18Leeman Kessler:After all this is over, I really need the multiverse to chill the fuck out. Agreed. If I have to deal with one more fucking space god. They ruin everything, the space gods. I'm a woman who makes tacos. And I'm a man who makes nothing. And I would just like to cook outside.

1:04:33Tess Segal:I say, when this is over, you never go inside again.

1:04:37Leeman Kessler:Great. Great. I just needed to say that out loud.

1:04:40Tess Segal:It's well heard.

1:04:41Leeman Kessler:I'm glad you're okay.

1:04:42Tess Segal:I'm glad you're okay.

1:04:44Leeman Kessler:Okay, get out of here. Well, you three, I bet your lives were a lot simpler before we showed up at the door. I really am sorry about that. Don't worry about us, Gloria.

1:05:04Leeman Kessler:Okay, well...

1:05:10Leeman Kessler:What now? Shit!

1:05:12Joe Fisher:Looks like our nice day just got ruined. These assholes are relentless.

1:05:15Camille Smicker:Get inside. Maybe we'll jump away in time. Wait! Voon, are you ready?

1:05:22Siouxsie Suarez:I am, Gloria. A field test to the protocol would be beneficial. Okay, what do you need? Fiona and Peter should stay with me. The rest should stay inside the diner.

1:05:30Leeman Kessler:Okay. Peter!

1:05:34Camille Smicker:What am I doing, Voon?

1:05:36Siouxsie Suarez:I believe they are just over that ridge. We must lure them closer.

1:05:39Camille Smicker:Okay. Peter, antagonize.

1:05:42Joe Fisher:antagonize.

1:05:52Siouxsie Suarez:Are you afraid, Fiona?

1:05:55Camille Smicker:Yes. You? I am.

1:05:59Siouxsie Suarez:But it is irrelevant. Yeah.

1:06:03Camille Smicker:Yeah, it is.

1:06:19Good job, Peter.

1:06:28Siouxsie Suarez:Deploy Tactical Dome.

1:06:34Siouxsie Suarez:Your weapons are useless against us. Proceed then.

1:06:52Siouxsie Suarez:What did you do?

1:06:57Peter, disarm.

1:06:59Camille Smicker:Disarm.

1:07:05Siouxsie Suarez:It is your weapons that are useless.

1:07:21Siouxsie Suarez:guitar solo

1:07:40Joe Fisher:Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y 'all. Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness. And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens. Just remember, we're out there somewhere looking for you. We open at six.

1:08:03Tess Segal:Midnight Burger is brought to you in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters. Pronghorn, Billy, Bert Bert, Bethany, Second Bethany, Alla Maddie, Earth Witch, now new and improved since she fixed her payment method on Patreon. Chibs 1012, Daryl Schnell, Fish Hooks, Fiora Meow, Gender Fluid Mothman, Gorgon Lightfoot, Hannah Mullins, Jester 3 of 5, Kate, Kyle Tomaszewski, Lindsay Garfield, Lucy Henline, Sisters Janet and Melissa with an A instead of an E from Avon Park, Love Midnight Burger, Matthew Epler, Dread Pirate Silly Siben, Nathaniel Lane, Nice Guy Kai, Oh Snails 3, Peru's Perusing Platonic Planetary Pussy Pleasure, Peanut Hamper, The Rhythm Nation's Rick Bischoff.

1:08:51Tess Segal:Sarah Capecci. Silky. Has arrived. Student in a cave. The thing whose name sounds like Witch of Ten Thousand Lakes, but is not. The tiger. He destroyed his cage. Yes, yes, the tiger is out. Tony Tony Chopper the dog. Zebulon's extensive collection of yodeling. Scheisse Manelli. Amaze, amaze, amaze. Anders eternally changing his name. Are we gonna let the elevator bring us down? Oh no, let's go, let's go crazy. Let's get nuts. Let's look for the land of banana till they throw us in the truck. Let's go. Bakus, call Jay Harlow for Edgy Steve's Spacefoot hookup. Cliff vanishes, the phantom vibrarian.

1:09:41Tess Segal:Corey and Stephanie say hello. At my dust. Goth Leif, the birthday boy. Gus. Hey Joe, can you take a quick break from confessing to the Zodiac murders to tell us how you pronounce artificer? Hold these anchovies. Indecisive Knicks. It's Bangaranga time. June and April's kid Francesca May, a.k.a. Frankie May. Kashak the Lizard Wizard. Lila the Banjo playing Fox. Persephone. Podcast Junkie wishes everyone a happy pride. Sayonara, you weeaboh shits. I'm going broke. Shane Robertson. Simon and Skylar Johnson. Space Wives, the Wild Thistle and the Interstellar Blueberry, the Tortured Accounting Department, Waffle House vs.

1:10:23Tess Segal:Midnight Burger for the title belt. What kind of bananas is that to put into a paper shredder? His air hose broke. Ooh-ah. Boomhauer weapons, replica squirt guns, the perfect gift for your little bastards. Boomhauer weapons, get them started young. Dr. Punt Gusher Esquire does not want to hear that the sister Mary Frances doll moved on her own. Dooser, the planet Gubrius awakes from their endless party to find that all the warp gates have stopped working. It is a strange and scary new era for the triad, but with community, the Gubrians and everyone else will endure. And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree.

1:11:08Tess Segal:Wilbur, you know, with all the Ws and the horse named Potoo, was looking for a red Nell, but has been distracted by a rather fetching blue one. The Captain Calc and Aranimation. Julian the Unready. Kaiju Sommelier's All-You-Can-Eat Samurai Ghost Crab Buffet. Free parking with validation. That other cheap con guy is right. Go enjoy any cheap con. They're all great. With no warp gates, Cone of Silence Consultants, LLC, are newly located on Trusk for all your logistics needs. Pago should really pay more attention to Angel's alerts if he wants to correctly change its username for each episode. Rachel Krempa just got a new car and named it Gloria.

1:11:49Tess Segal:Samantha, inspired by Verge and the safety I feel with them. Skeptic Eddie, the humble litter box attendant. Slackergirlbooks.com, and that's girl with a U. So We Made It says, happy birthday, Steven. Ladies, in 1915, rich white men at Gillette aggressively shamed women into shaving. Body hair serves important biological functions. It's okay, just Bethany my name once, then Bethany a lot more Bethany's. Who would name their kid Joe Fisher anyway? Would you, could you watch the anime lesbian musical masterpiece review Starlight with a mouse? Cassini Z0-3, aka Zoe, that trans robot girl, streaming from my space station, using synthesizers as a space station background, wants to adopt Leif as her dad.

1:12:35Tess Segal:Post-coitus cuddles make life worth living. Fada and da fuzz. I have a healthy fear of furries. Tracy Nellig. Big Daddy Hankerton. Flapp the Flabbergasted. Nanique of the Not Quite North and Schrodinger's Duck. Jellybean and Jayfish. Eric Keevy. Ethan Horvath. Petra Peaches. Space Arsonist. Resonant Soundworks. Diane Simmons. John Gormanshire. James Connelly. They call me Brent. They call me Brickly. They call me Mimi. I work with kids. They can't say Brittany. Paul Mitchell. It's 10 p.m. Do you know where your children are? Retro Punk. Dave Dozier. Mickey Smith. Maria Hearing. LeClusie of Borg.

1:13:18Tess Segal:Non-binary Fugiosilvit. The Love Wizard. Rombo Bombo. Amanda T-Shot. Croc the Propagator. Xavier Dasher. Beans McBanf. Three pandas in a trench coat named Bethany. U.S. Marshal Stacy. Jemaine Masters. Blind Irasta. Booyah Hippie, Iron Foley, Brandy Gunter, Jonathan Johnson, Grandma Floozy, The Slim Reaper, Joseph Berger, You Promised Nobody Dies, Juno. Elisa Kelly, the femboy catboy behind Casper welcomes you to Behind Casperville, a town of cat people held in a pocket dimension behind Casper. Nikki Shade, intergalactic transdimensional Monte Cristo pirate. This patron can't come to the phone right now.

1:14:00Tess Segal:Please try again later. Sometimes I wonder if pizza thinks about me too. I'd love my sandwich. Take a bite out of a sandwich. Jesse Shodell, on the off track. But wait, there's more? Keylander Z, Mad Tiger, Mad Tiger, get well soon. Transgressive Party, Cuddly Kraken, Shantae, Umquam. Ruthie loves her girlfriend so dearly. To Polar Cat, and introducing Recy Pontiff as the 84th Doctor. Dr. Lattice Trash Angel absolutely covered in sawdust because she was granted a table saw. CJ the future knot says, stay fresh, cheese bags. Reluctant Dave and his Dairy Queen. Aoife Lilith will live on the radio waves evermore.

1:14:44Tess Segal:Molly says, happy anniversary to Bub and Lisey. I love you, you beautiful nerds. Team Hashim, Samara, and Thiessen rules forever. Intergalactic Transdimensional Monte Cristo Pirate. Njord Flanders, proprietor of the Hood's Pocket Leftorium. Jonah the Gay Uncle. Smedley P. Snodgrass III, but please, for the love of God and all that is holy.

1:15:12Tess Segal:Call me Smeddy. Chekhov's Forklift lifts endless endless forklift. The Floofinator and Princess Puss say Magpie Cat should stop packing and get back to petting them. Demonic Narwhal. Boomhauer Weapons Special Offer. Buy one case of cuddle killers and get a free life-size plush mongo. Boomhower Weapons, for rich people that want to stay that way. Randy's Amigo, Lord Robero Tardis, he's bigger on the inside. Lorot, a fan of Casper's character development. Kathy B., Rachel Neal, Moses Ramirez, CJ, Dominic Alvord, Chris, Megan A. Coppock, The Creature, Rusty Satellite, Alk and White Owl, Jason Pye, Burger Corps, His Royal Highness Prince Puppenheimer McStinkerpants, heir to the three-ply empire, Owen the Orgasmic Ostrich from Oldham, Bad Egg, Bran with the Pants that Dance, June is my spirit animal, Maple and Cronus, Benign Alien, Dilbert Weed, Medley71, Reluctant Dave, Scarlet Leopard, Bebo is not wrong, they are just waiting until they are right.

1:16:22Tess Segal:Memzi, Spitboy the Spit Guy, he spits. Demon Knight 016. Brookie, aka Dances with Cats. Mad Maddox, the Sorcerer Sanguine says Brain Demons is an anagram of Brandon is me. Gabriel Strife is brought to you by Charlotte Brown, Gary Gygax, and the number 42. Gabriella, the Jasmick one. A plus K. Cory and Stephanie celebrate 20 years of marriage. Sidron. Damn it, Derek. David Kiesler of the Cornville Kieslers. In IAD. Happily divorced Heather looking for a lady lover. Have you fed your Neopets? I want a clockwork Mungo. Just some guy from Adelaide named Ryan. Kashak the Lizard Wizard casts Jabootigate.

1:17:04Tess Segal:Mission Control banned me from fucking aliens. Patty the Ginger and his Bethany slaying Ginger Army. Positive Buzz Network. Storyteller. USS Shag at Sea. Volpe the Space Fox is overjoyed hearing their name pronounced correctly on the first try. Who do you think you are? I am! Zack the Wayfaring Cryptozoologist Alphonse, first of the MOCs, Lord of the Eight Stud, High Steward of the Black Separator, member of the Ancient Brick Collegium. Cause it don't change my number, Kate 675309 Bunches McGinty and her pack of rescued demon dogs, B. Elzebub, Lucy Fur, and Abby Normal, if you want to know. Squeaky Squeakerton squeaks Von Squeakerson III, even though he's the first and only, a.k.a.

1:17:51Tess Segal:Fake Noodle. All the mongos in the triad go... Dr. Punkusher Esquire has so many flowers, he's giving them away down at your local record store. I like big butts and I cannot lie. Mental Hinge. Chef Gal Val was on hiatus for a while and is currently playing catch-up. Stay tuned. Did somebody order the Chaos Goblin Supreme hold the anchovies? No, seriously, hold this bag of anchovies. It's really heavy. Sammy Lockalee and Sir Dr. Werther P. Worthington. The intergalactic house of cats demand a free Palestine. Can I have Zandria but just get Joe to go for as long as he can on the R? Sure. Zandria.

1:18:35Tess Segal:A plus Douglas. Alexica Habanera, Alondra, Cicada the Multiversal Bug God, Confused Dog, Early Morning Clouds, Eddie Eichmann, Chaotic Bananas in Four Low, Talon Lawson, Kirion the Asteroid Wrangler, Kyle Kaleesh, Leo, John 316, boy! Mother Grimm, Nico Lund, QWERTY, Tall, Tired, and Nerdy, That Wacky Aunt, The Mysterious Woman, The 206 Project, Podge Art, Dim, Leif's brilliant but dyslexic little brother, Doyce, The Truscan Union Rep, Fenwick, Happy Banana Birthday, Lana Banana, Kitty Pockets, Molly Winter, My Father, The Milkman, Pinstrike Algorithm, Strikes, Rocky, The Used Tardis, Sales Iridian, Shelby Welby Lives Forever, The Electric Tuna and Lady Fish in their fishdom, Theo at home.

1:19:28Tess Segal:Two sheep toys. We've been trying to contact you regarding your time-traveling dimension-spanning diner's extended warranty. It's not rocket surgery. Biro the motherfucking dragon of the Shreveport the motherfucking dragons. Cheap con. The real cheap con. Accept no imitations. Actually, never mind. Go ahead and accept other cheap cons. I'm sure they're good folks. Coco Yumi can only think of them as hot pockets. But Jolanth. Leif's one true love. And the bride Leif left at the altar. Dot dot dot.

1:20:06Tess Segal:Need I say more?

1:20:26Tess Segal:Hockey Sticks, The Existential Bean, Mama Beth and Her Wheel Babies, Running the Giant Wheel, Cyrano Johnson, Troy Pugsley, Andrew Payer, Goth Squatch, Quellor the Liberator, Big J Rock, Stuart Lynn, Orb, Logan Fullerton, Kulva Gouvno, Rhonda Menard, Dear Ted Empire, Your Code Sucks, Have a Sandwich Needs to Be a T-Shirt as an Anti-AI Battle Cry, Ava's Dying Pet Cactus, Dark Dream 95, Socialist Queers for Jesus, Taku, DJ, Harrison Sally, Spooky 904, GART, Eden Gavin, The World Needs More Junes, Big Bunging Bernie Sanders Approved Beyond Burger, Leif's Third Doomsday Device, Ducky the Therapy Dog, Shane Snoke is a goofy enough name all by itself, Avalon, Drought Breaker, A Goddamn Harpoon, Pickle Pancakes, Charlie DeLambert, Michael Card, Raven the Necco, Queen.

1:21:23Tess Segal:Spike Osorio, Benjamin Davis, Twyla Sands, Alexandra Scaldone, The Huak, Shinzo, Chris the Monster, Time-Traveling, Dimension-Spanning, Goose, Named Fig, Cylinzer, Cressara, Fernando Alacuzzi, Wad of Gore, Not That Keith, Jordan Lawley, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Skeksis, Royal Punk, Trisha Schaefer Says, Ew, David, That Is Not A Taco. Zeke, Oh, Udon96, Ren the No, Latimer Lovelock of the Lacy Lady's Lovely Luxuries, Jizum Crow and the Holy Cow, Tanya Fisher, Rainbow Goth Unicorn, Rangocorn, Our Lady of Crab Walking, Known, Nomad, The Human, Space Viking, Celestial Crow, Gavin Dees, Gavin Sailor, Neve to Princess and her Aunt Seuss Honey and Ember, Googles Galad, The Forgotten Storyteller, Mr.

1:22:16Tess Segal:Wudu, Chris with a K, Slangwort, Honey Badger in a Trenchcoat Doing Crimes Jay Cable, Cranky Old Organist Jarrett Kosu, Leon Sporkfire, Pastor Jen Jensen The Dick Wizard, Chris Goyer, Noise Squared Ginger Bear's Honey Bunny and their sidekick Wicklow The Mount Hood Tory Gate, Mrs. Cashew Julia Goulia of the Shreveport Goulias Alex Drumbar, Stoner Pubby And Inateb Thought That They Could Spy in the Bethany War By Spelling Their Name Backwards But It Isn't Fooling Anyone, Everyone Sub-Arctic Turtle, Dock U018, Mark Kayab-Yab, Namir, Sandalwood Mountain, East Coast Branch, Christy the Chaos Coordinator, Joshua Baker, Grant Blackburn, The Bean Count Bandit, A Margin Mage, Silent J, Geo, Buzz Baleb, The Boom Guy, Boom!

1:23:06Tess Segal:K-Man, Mimosa, David O 'Banion, The Phantom of the Uxbridge Music Hall,

1:23:25Tess Segal:Yeah,

1:23:30Tess Segal:the number nine.

1:23:42Tess Segal:of the seven cat gods. The Amethyst Dragon with Tiger Eyes. Martel McKinney. Ice Queen. Laser Girl and the Nurse. Where are our ores? Caddy B. Go Ask Alice. Wes Kester Saves the World. Valen's three cats stacked atop each other wielding a plasma gun. Jeffrey. Purple Nurple Nullifier. JP the Pizza Boss. Reaper's Past. Late Indeed Again. Rex Cricket and Frankie. Brigitte. Spadius. Squiddy. The Frosthunt Scientific Collective. Two of us have PhDs and the third has memorized all of Ava's dialogue. Champagne Supernova, 11 Letter Christopher, Antonia Ortiz, A Block of Ice, Huitlacoche is Corn Smut but Classier, Ren the Crescent, Erica Davis, Jane Doe, Magic Incognito, Lord Drez, Drakir, Blood Butler, Sandalwood Mountain North, Cryptic Amorphous, About 45 Degrees.

1:24:36Tess Segal:Mandy. Big Cat Makes Kitten Go Purr. Ted, Ted, and Teddy. Hi, Bruce. Enjoy your walk through the mall. Parker Berry. Don't actually say this part of my name. Just say my name, please. Dr. LL, your Jamaican fan, says Wagwan. Tula Blue and 142 Boogaloo. Pistol Pete and Death Lotion. Debbie Trencher. That one dude who likes tacos. Mark the list name, loser. The Male Escort. Lady Bethany, aka Mrs. Turkey Spit, Junior Barding, the father of Lucas, Ava Maddox's Ashtray, Adore B's Vera Torkelson, Bones, Lizard Breath, and the Snot Rocket would love a space burger, Andrea Rose, Samantha Oram, Caden Suda, Bat Loves Dragon, Tommy Johnson, Unhip Fern, Noodles by Godzilla, Ralph Capone, Corey 83, Blues, Liz Wants Leif to Build Her a Plane, Dude Named Blake, John Caleb Williams, Yontalius, Kian, an Eel Exchange student from Midst, Dabberty Lastname, Rattrick, Ricklin, like Rich Land but without the D, Dyer.

1:25:40Tess Segal:All Bethany's Must Do the Hustle, Jordy Ladbrad, Natasha Without Boris, Frost and Alice, Lobster Possum, Malort Boy, Jinx the Cat Would Like to Offer You Biscuits, Have a Zesty Day. Megan, Malcolm Edwards, Spend My Money Irresponsibly, Stephen Drop, Dana Thanielson, Son of Dana Thaniel, or Danny for short, Chris Eaton, Cross Stitcher Who Loves the Hobby and Time Travel, Funchbrunglin, Nash Likes Apples, Pneumatic Yeti, The Eldritch Skyphozoa, Wyatt Fryhover, Paul, James Bell, Dave Davison, Broom Goddess, Ricky Burnett, That New Guy, Da Savage Indian, Rad Boy, Jules Weeks, Calf, The Generous Patient Rose, John Wilkes Booth's freedom-loving horse, aka Jay Willikers.

1:26:26Tess Segal:Neckbone his imperial dudeness. Oh hey, it's Jay. Grimm, off the internet wants Harriet to know he loves her. Titan King 707. Rich Francis. Burger Kaspa Spa, no relation. Jedi Shaolin. Smart Alec the Great. Gas Station Cryptid. Deus Kashuk. Bird Bird the Bird's Bird. Papa Goose. Sometimes I do feel like a plastic bag. Amanda Bills. Misty Word Power. Kasper's Danish Moose. Flacco, a.k.a. Johnny R., the Disco Spider Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Leaf, Chapter 2, The Ted Slayer Unchained Vicky Hebert, Pike Daniels, The Cosmic Whale Zan Satsu, Mr. and Mrs. Van Limberlost Murdoch Wang, Caterpillar Farmer Chimera, Don Moat, The Space Trucker, Chadwick Coden Doyle III Jody Green, Monster Senshi Michael Peters, Political Knitter Seasonal Sasquatch, Siantly Seeks, Secret Society So Special Souls, Softly Sing Sweet Songs smartly stirring strong stories.

1:27:22Tess Segal:Physicist. Brendan Shoneman. I divided by zero and now I'm undefined. Ah! Leif the horse is here. Mag Tremor. Rod Stewart the sailor slayer. James We Met. The listless enjoyer. Miss Maxine. Boy got them honka honkers. Kevin O'Malley. Invisible Garilla. The Mrs. Poland. Zamaniac. Hop loves a thugbot named Francis. Pam the infinite. And thou. Curiosity is eating your bones. Revolutionary inclined ocelot. Matt Howler, Andrew Bear, Marius DeJoa, Butterfly Fox, Riot the Tranny, The Fish Did Not Acknowledge Her, Irma the Llama, 27 Keep It Tight, Chip, Gloria's right hand jack-in-the-box man, Jordin, Grim Knight, Pike Daniels the Whale, Anthoseles Bethany Maximus, Lord of Kingwood, Texas, Ragnar Jensen, Addison Weirdo Wagner, Hermann 0305, Smoke Me a Kipper, I'll Be Back for Night breakfast, Titus Koslov, ashes of a burnt-out lathe, I'm a kung-fu panda on the wind, Brandon AR equals Thor, I love you all, never forget that, especially in trials, and Labuza's voice brightens my day, the intergalactic house of cats demand a free Palestine, Electromancer, Chekhov's space cannon, Cory Senses, Surf and Turf telecoms, I'm a Djinn, Red and Dusty with his garden goddess, Shelby Morrison, Mystic Monster for Chaos, Ziggy Dreadful, Rave Hands Mally, G-Wing, Frank One, It Is Sparks, Lost Girl Lou, Chris B, Middle American Penguin, Shanna Welch, Crocheted Cosmos, Andy the Celestial Penguin, Jackie Orion, Bo Nunley, Ariana Castillo, The Tall Deer That Portends Great Change, Lita Mettinger, Marco, Friend, as in Your Best, Lime Ghost, M, Icky Blurgs, Jay the Irascible, The Magic Committee, Committee of Anything Magical, Ian Full, 345 Uneducated Swine Learning to Swing Dance, Nova the fuck accountant is definitely not a tangle.

1:29:20Tess Segal:One intergalactic year with Big Potato 99, a.k.a. The Rat Lady, a.k.a. Bumblebee, a.k.a. AK-47. Kai, just a little guy. Ender Wright, Mark Nazawarez, Xenia, the Capturer of Light, Theoretical Chemist, Chris Loves to Read, Katie Michalik, Greg Andrews Lyons, In Memory of Jason Reese, Get Your Butt Fingered, That Girl Gracie, Magnus von Kaffenheim, Saucy Little Beast, Drew Burt, Captain of the SS Beefy Tits.

1:30:15Tess Segal:the fucky fried chicken, Robert Drapeza, dimension spanning time traveling little guy, Iono, Jonathan Tolbert, Mr. Put It On 06, Hedgehog Hen, Jackson Bell, Katie Chambers, Jay the podcast lover, Dick Rickles, chapter president, damn glad to meet you, Malcolm Flynn, Samuel Lee, Josetron Prime, oh my god I forgot to change my name from Nicholas Beckler to something more cheeky and fun, Arwen the Freer, Throatgoat666 I am your father, Addie Slauson, Inconceivable Kai, Red Rum 916, Nick Waycaster, Gotham Still Fucked Up, Batman Really Ain't Doing Shit When You Think About It, No Good Monk, Rye, Yes, Like the Bread, Sarman Sayed, Jhonald Grimbus, Matt Knight Bushager, Gavin Morey, Damn Eitri, Andromeda, Stephen the Choi, Gloria's Authentic Earth Coffee, Gabriel T, Can Someone Find Me the Parmesan?

1:31:35Tess Segal:I Did This For Fun Cads says, Hello Ernesto! Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Lafe, Chapter One, Loaf Tracks Retires, The Dishonorable Prodigal Ailum, Sculliver, Sam and Shane, Ahsoka Likes Hugs, Going Anonymous, V, Ma Dukes, Ooh Chickadee, Dango Dale, Esty, Not the Website, At Every Moment and Every Corner of Every Possible World, There Is Always a Way Home, And It's Already Found You, Jao Paulo Lemos, Odd Keep, The Sentient Lighthouse, The Faceless Old Bethany Who Secretly Lives in Your Home, D. Shane, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Zosifer Doggo of Doom, Burnt Barbecue Beef Brisket, It's Official, They're Called Thigronies, Kevin Winans, Marlon C., Just Whelmed, Madame Perry, Cherish Hellfire's Hellish Chairfire, Lichen Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnese West, Knox, Lisa Liu, Emmett Hale, The Triad's Baddest Goblin, Emory and Lano, James Miles, Browncoats Love the Diner, House Chaos of the Critter Cacophony Max, Nia, Ivan, and Mark will see you at 6 Open, open, open No wait, never mind, just Mark And we make the world Minion Simone Mimi Davis Gaia Turtle Wayne Barahona We will not rest until Puerto Rico and Palestine are free Pluto Crow Nissy's Mom PokeSplort Whiskey Rebellion and Gen Riot Interdimensional Detective Agency Treon, Shibu, and Griff Slim Nandy Jen and Brit Adriana Bartolomucci Jonah is Gay The Midnight Ashes, Hornetti, Balian Fair has retired and now raises herds of mungos.

1:33:09Tess Segal:Hood's Pocket Protector. The artist formerly known as Unpaid Intern would like to congratulate Heather on her divorce and is thinking of getting one herself. Valkyrie Storm, Patricia Who's Always Late But Somehow On Time, DC Squirrel, Kyle the Interstellar Highwomen, Shelley Act on the Verge, Gale Friend, Rubber Cake, Clover the Clown, The Sparky Tech, Prop the Croc-A-Gator, Ringleader Volt, Jazz Punker, Captain Tight Pants and the Companion, Renee N, Katarina de la Playa, RIP Eloise Waffles, The Floof Wrangler, Aki the Space Druid, Phantomland TTRPG Dice, Kate Taplume, Your Local Blacksmith, Jason, HVAC Tech for the Diner's Deep Freeze, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Error, Zephyr the Weffer Montgomery Foxworth, Mary Face, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl, The Interdimensional Space and Tea Time Witch, Nicole Six Four, Amara Salazar, Banjo Buscalo, Full Beans, Glorious Forgotten Ford Festiva, Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast at the Midnight Cauldron, Force for Good-ish, The Ghost of Dave Brockie, The Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Fry Lord, Gravity's Optional but Fry's Aren't, CJ's Big Barbecue Bistro for Bethany's, Angel Vasquez, Evil the Cat, Stephen Raymer, J.

1:34:25Tess Segal:Carp Fishman, The Great Goblino, Low Oxygen, Save the Mungos, Joji the Birdwatcher, A Flock of Gray Horses from the Top of a Sycamore, Lilac Morcella, Your Tig Old Biddy Yeen Milf Majesty, Temporal Hashbrown, Diane Brown, Captain No Sleep, Jamie the OG Happy Hippie, Rainy, Reuben Eden, The Shreveport Bohannans, CC the Umbrella Mage, Bradbury's Sasquatch loads Chekhov's gun and rides to join Bethany's army, Din, Cosmic Ketchup, Lack of Lifestyle, Moosey, Hood's Pocket Gear and Sprocket Local Repair Cafe, Postmaster General Kwan Sent Me, Blake Basmagian, Nitwit 14, Royaled way too harshly, DJ Johnny B, The Klopman Diamond, Marco Montano, No Longer Doing a Bit, Shiny Fields, Adam Tachek, Christopher Wendell, Unproductive Banana, Pulsifer the Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, Bex823, Auntie Cryptid, Barry Heap, Gas Mask Penguin, In the Hot Seat, Mime Ninja's Ninja Mime, Master Oogway, Barry, Dillie is Dallying, Futile Screaming at the Ocean, Fox Hatlin, Dylan Caroni, Pedro Vibresto, Slider, Malachi, Maple Emily, the gayest library janitor in Indiana.

1:35:39Tess Segal:Learn how to be calm in heart, Stumbly. I'll be waiting. Physic the good bush, definitely not one of the bad bushes, funding rebel Bethanies to overthrow the duly elected Bethanies. Hexadecimal Bethany is non-binary. Vapis 10's big black gaping hole. Bruce. Jessica Gagoma. Torical. Jenny the bear. Agur. Sardine Thorne. Treach. Josie Jones. Mr. Fibble is very cross. Haute potato. Dr. Mojo postulates the end list endlessly splintering off as Bethany and Burt Burt's Caboose until its end lists all the way down. Blind Time Traveler Convention Date, LA Woman, The Phoenix Rising, New Name, God, no, not him, Jeff Andrew?

1:36:18Tess Segal:Sure, Jeff Andrew, Cup of Noodles, Schmizzy Two-Shoes, Luna Nova, Nicholas Griffith, Justin Smolin, Riku 31, Craig Dundee, New Type Without a Gundam, Astral Sea, Ickle Me Pickle Me Tickle Me Too, Witch Loud the Cartoonist, Guy with the Chops, Sam, Mitchell Yee, Bagel Knife, Imelda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan Kay, Nate, Chip, Radio Free Relia, Violin Loves Midi, Brian Pasley, Sue Wubasa, the Blue Chernobyl Dog Enjoyer, Grena, Piston Whip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Satsuma, Silius Goose, Dr. Jones, Icy Axe, Coach Shane of Toad Sucks Central, Go Cranes, Sky, Cole Arthur, Lego Croissant, Cassade, Norwin Mergler, Joe Kappa, Dogma Mom, We Be Chopping Broccoli, The Hacker Known as Ivy DeBurb, Blue Toon, A Feisty Ass Chickadee, Poultry Landmine, The Scrappy Poet, Jenny the Cryptid Paladin, Maverick Artist, Shit, It Was a Mimic, Basil in Their Tea, Waiting to Gossip with David, Ainsley-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay, Angnor, ATB, Kiwi Lovelybead, Zoe, Professor Freda, Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson Twote, Still Trapped, But I've Stopped Asking Why, The Freezer Is, I Am, We Chill, Son of Defarge, Wisco Teach, Give Peas a Chance, Sam-a-Lama-Ding-Dong, Behold Lady Sarah Purr, Whisker Veil, Countess of Wood Hollow, Mistress of the Whispering Pines, and Beloved by All Creatures Small and Opinionated.

1:37:47Tess Segal:Ricardo Galamba, Kari's Crafty Cloaking Devices, LLC, Hashtag WeWeave 'em of Gossamer. Penny the Wonder Dog and Bucky Von Buckbuck, Medium Rare Extra Toasted Bun, Saucy Caesar, Belt, Aspen is a Verge fanboy, Ava's favorite My Little Pony pencil wants Joe to slap into a snim-jim. Mr. and Mrs. Drifter, representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger Tummy Time chapter. Nathaniel Lee Industries, Lord Entropy, Bok Bok Motherfucker, The Fae Wanderer, Everybody's Favorite Clown Splotchy, Kosher Steak, Flo Rida, Alyssa's Shiny Pants, Gondor Calls for Aid, Arnold Rumspringa, The Demise of the Temple of Bethany's, Alan Berglund says, Hi Mom, Rin the No, Kitty McSkull.

1:38:28Tess Segal:Raven Stromdans, hapless novelist passenger of the dimensionally impermanent and temporally incontinent bookshop cafe The Wild-Eyed Prophet. Tessa Craig, Perfectly Personalized Disaster, Jim Turner, Lux Luminos, Javi De Niro, Big Chunk, Gadides, Boom Boom's Wooden Leg, Jilly Bean, Benjamin, Not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leia, A Singular Nightbird, Bethany in a Greenfield, A -E-I-O-U-Y-N-W, Bumble Faye, Mr. Epsilon, Long-Haired Matt, DJ, Robert W, Reelzebub, Krezimira, Jessalorin, Myth and Stitch Embroidery Loves the Mucklewains, Lulu Louise, Doolio, The Brew Crew Family, Burt Ruba, Your Most Benevolent Lord and Master of the Multiverse, Jeffrey George, Ellie, Don't Tariff Me Bro, Oopsie, Evelyn, Grimlor, Ginny Waboom, Errant Popsicle Stick, M Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Jack Spider's Mom, Bubble Butt Bethany Has Banana Breath, Llama Fresh, Jare the Benevolent Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Sad Little Earth Monkey, Revan the Red Beard Wizard, Bert Bert and the Funky Bunch, High Viscosity Gender Fluid Slime, Bethany 2, Electric Boogaloo, Welcome to the Kwan Pound, Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen, Mr.

1:39:38Tess Segal:Muchacho Kaiserschnitzel, Has Successfully Recruited Sarah Murphy's Cats For the Trouble Puffs Fight Club, The Wolves in the Deep Freeze Say, Awoo! Sanctuary Moon's Number 2 Fans, Insane Clone Posse, Alice Lewis, Simply Amy Sue, I Pushed Her Because Joe Said So, even older Liz, McBearcat, Grack Pinfeather, Sitican Druidic Scientist, Astro, your friendly neighborhood android, Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Recy, the Midnight Missionary, out there somewhere looking for ya, Rotten Ronnie Sleeps in Grandma Panties, Artist Dragonborn, Bigby Garage, Bill Zangana Lester, Big MF Juice the S.I.P., Muffins, Chad Hatter, Cosmic Tea Maker of the Triads, Tell your cat, I said.

1:40:24Tess Segal:Banana Manaz, A Corgi Cold Kibble, Cuddly Kraken, Sarge the Bard, Sominity, LL Cool Mint Jams, Travis Roberticus, Ken Daddy, Lea Aizadi, Millie Was Taken, Dead To Me 86, B Camp, Shan Man Man Man, Karma Karma Chameleon, Kinran Says Hello, Zoe and Her Army of Mice, Briar Longlost, Daniel, Trixie Belle Dubois, Dr. Bootyologist, the glutes doctor. Thank you for pressing to your anglophone emotional support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Surly Jess, RIP Lance McClain, you would have loved Midnight Burger, Adam Toklove, Dr. Bitchcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Eros to God, the size two fish you've been looking for, Yokai, Borgia, Spiders are Cuddly, the main immortal pinball sounds in the diner, Cheel, Neal, Sin City Scuba Steve, Poliwog, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Professor Thaddeus Snookums VIII, Mr.

1:41:22Tess Segal:Grin, Glenn Petrovsky. This moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler, Elizabeth Hammond, Steam Vision, conductor of the interdimensional time-spanning hype train, Dave Herold, Wise Cube, Bromine, pronounced bro, mine, main humding up, Mother of Pearl, Fiona now owns Leif's 18-inch Peter, Seal Face, Rigor Mortis, Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes, Coilane, Trebex Reject, Prophet of the God of the Mucklewains, Darth Ox, Michelle Kay, Aaron Arnold, Boyoyoyoyoyoyoyoying, Mamamander, B-Raz, and Slunkmaster J, Alpacalypse, Spokane, Doesn't Suck, Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, The Lord Reverend, Ryan, Thomas's ten tenebrous tan staffle tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales, The Lovely Laura Lovely, Kith Gamgee, Sam Wise's flaming cousin, Dariel, Jeremy the Ruler, Gochi, Charles Robert Darwin III, Esquire, PhD, Jacob Mitchell, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill, Ola Millican of the Welcome Wagon says, E Cabo, The Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scrubs, Remy, The Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German short hair pointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says woof, Whiskered, Annie Two Hands for the Double High Five, Marissa the Ghost, Rutherford B.

1:42:43Tess Segal:Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Ol' Kelsey No-Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, We Serve Everyone Eventually, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, aka Br 'er Rabbit, The Constantly Lost Geographer, Timothy Aotis, Chance Wants You to No, he cares. Wolf Stark, Elliot, Hobbs DeCoe, Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yin, Mubi the Golden Calf, Suda Satoshi, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, K-Narcotics, Solomon Price, Daydream but evil, Bubba 485, a.k.a. Schemmelbach the Christmas Whale, Stella Corvus, Jesus Garcia, JP the IT Guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know, the farmer, Markley on the Holodeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-049, O Magus, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, Space Based Lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Marla Madam Lotus still especially loves Finley, Mr.

1:43:43Tess Segal:Steamwave, my friend the rhino says, be nice. Hoop challenge.

1:43:50Tess Segal:Dream Founder. I'm your Huckleberry. Elizabeth T. Ty Ty the Wonder Hamster and her dear darling Duke. Boombastical Kimlicker. Hug-a-Muffin. Bigfoot of Doom. D.L. Annie Atkins. A bounty hunter called the Crandy Man. Garrow. My cats say to tell you. Meow. Think fast, chuckle nuts. Flash banged. Benjamin Ortiz. Mr. Frog President. Pop Rock Quicksand. Mr. Squizzle Sizzle Whizzle Fizzle the horrendous apologizes for conspiring in the The Bethany War. Invites for tea are being sent now. Abanasso. Mr. Rage. Attalore. Trans Space Dinosaur. Spooky Spader's Storytime. William Kent. Andy. The McJimmy's from your local dimension.

1:44:30Tess Segal:Ryan Abbey. Thomas Adams. Drink Spiller. Stephanie Boock. Entropy Eigenbasis. Andrea Crowther. Martin Deers. Kevin Daughtry. DeFlower. Two Daddy Jazz Hens from Mouse Toots. Dan Gentry. I hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you. V Greenlee. Ron Hayden. Michelle Hopper. Jake the Cook, Josie Jones, Boot Scootin' Dave, Anthony Lakey, Britt Littlefair, T.U. Luther, Some Days You're the Beatle, Some Days You're the Dung, Lauren Mayer, Glenn Morris, Richard Ryan Moshel, Michelle Myers, Ali Oopsie, Not To Be Confused With Oopsie, Fridge Pickle, Rosemary Prim, Robert Savat, Lizard Lee, Eliza Sharp, Donald Shingler, Daniel Stavvy, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Kella Tiarina, Rachel Vasquez, Luca Vichito, Naya Venturi, The Beloved Yet Borderline Inappropriate Empire of Dr.

1:45:18Tess Segal:Thunderbutt and Lady Christabel, Justin Wiley, Brett Zimmerman, Arrow Jones Jubal, Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin-Is-A-Ho, Mimetic Hygienist, Aaronstar Joshua Damien, and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude DeClaws, Spunky Dan, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelly, Jonathan Kay, Pearl Null, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs1012, Scotty Oates, Byrotron95, Dance Break!

1:45:56Tess Segal:Spicou, the Bracken system and its home world Ren, Simply Tony, Gabrielle Castillon, whom, what, when, where, and why is what all Fagronis say while listening to Midnight Burger, a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar, Sir Party Animal, Uloy Jackal, Ari Shore, you Mike Robb the Nancy Sinatra, court need to leave it alone if you want to live, must be a witch, cat with a K, my Thigroni has a first name, Stompenstein L. Mustachio, Lucafer Hezekiel, La Chihuahua Brava, Adeline Peets, CC Carousel, Korth the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Mom's Milf, Scout and Fox Glove says the floor is lava, unexpectedly blue red Nell, Kordomsky, Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dulcet De Leche Studios presents under the Truscan sun.

1:46:43Tess Segal:Get out of my booth. Bug. Propagator. I hardly know her. Sad Angry Crabman. Chuck McFinley. Effie and Zebulon's trans great-granddaughter Hazel Hayes. Velocity Girl 42. Little Dragon and a Cauldron of Bats. Ben Carlyle. Flat Steve's love for grand theft. Anna Kearney. Tater Tot Assassin. Four Schnauzers of the Apocalypse. Starblaze Burnbright. Imzukioki. Spotted Rhino and her hand-me-down frogs. Red Mafia Panda. Lonely Isle. Kai Dallow Headphones, Hinkle, Pikeman Stover, Fondella Stover, Pikeman Stover's wife, Alexander the Boss, Skrizzles, Flap, Giddy Giddy Giddy, The Firekeeper, The End Is Nigh, Jeremiah the Cancelled, Librarian Alex, Spike and Faye, Johnny Ellen West and the Boys from the Dwarf, Speedy McSpeedy, Eli, Wolf, Auntie Becky is owned by Five Rescue Cats, Speckled Unicorn, Jedi Rides Again with Nova the Space Pirate, Tevin Longblade Shortsword, Forget Normal, A Damn, CJ Johnson, A Dragon Sitting on Its Horde of Dice, Wendell Whitaker, Chumbo Wumbo, Pikachu, Smivey, Globed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Ban Mi Hung, The Soup Witch, Fetishini Alfredo, Cowboy and Sasquatch Hunts Bethany's, Pebbles, VV, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip Your Dad Is Not Your Dad, Nick Borough, Midnight Plumber, His Royal Highness Mr.

1:48:04Tess Segal:Hamilton Underfoot Kitty I, and Accomplice Princess Penelope, the Marchioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery, Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Heiser, India Inkblot, Slev of Bahamut, Omi Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Cat Holtz, Calarton the Tired Knight, The True Mega Mike, Fred and George, Ava Maddox Jr., Liza Wirth, Cass Williams, Christy, Yeet My Boy, 46 Toolshed 2, and L. Marie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt says in a world of slugbots, Be a Hugbot, Red the Gray, The Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex, Neverchild, Dr.

1:48:45Tess Segal:Nossos, Interdimensional Biologist, Kiboko Dunord, Kozamine, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Barden Got His Barber to Listen to Midnight Burger, Little Debbie Cupcake Taryn says, hey, Oreos are rabbit Sandalwood Mountain offers peace for your soul Whimsical Fuckery Megan with an H Patricia the Time Lord Mango Connoisseur The Big Moose and his wife, the Little Moose That Old Glory Cole GL Miao-Naze Cat Butler O'Sheen Liu Alex Berry Andrew Oakden Asymmetrical Exile Churro the Space God Eliza Travels the Universe Lindsey Bowen the Goddamn Podcast Lawyer Alex Spruce Dr. D. Birdcloth Spweather and Mrs. Dubopteway Birdcloth Spweather want to say hello to the whole Spweather family.

1:49:29Tess Segal:I lost my galaxy britches in a game of pants darts. Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Dirkadub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, most likely Cass, Jasmine James, Dr. Caberand, also known as Omni, thanks Waffle Chateau. Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Zephyr's wife has the hots for Zebulon. Jennifer Calkins, Midday Burger, Don Parks, ThroatGoat666, Oh My God, My Dad Found Out About My Patreon Name, Princess Leia, Fish in a Bag, September, Previously Observed in the Pattern, Prime Freak, Protector of the Scottish Realm, Little Lord Stevie Pie, Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubenesque Parrot, Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubenesque Parrot, Stuck in a Pit of Skittles, Sea Squatch, Deflater Mouse, Tony Piekarski, Adrian R., The Devil from Table 12, Javier, Crazy Thadley, Cremulus is just happy to be here, The Twisted Twigster, Real Housewives of Segeus, Fae Queen, Oopshnart the Probability Demolition Expert, Showtime, For My Mother, CCTX Girl 6823 Waiting on the Diner, Nicole Studioso.

1:50:35Tess Segal:Okay, I didn't get this exactly right, but I think I'm in the ballpark. The Tuareg word for shovel is Te Bejhen. Kay the Flying Penguin honks at the horde of Bethany's encroaching on their nest. Honestly, this is getting absurd. Truck Stop Sandwich, Indigo Escargot, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Wandering Biscuit, Castriff, Ames Affection for Internet Protection, Retro MG, NightScript, Widget the World Watcher wearing a waistcoat and wig, Uhtred and Rose's Viking Void Vitals fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Yeah, not sure what I'm doing. River Brown, Senior Deuce, Warped Writer, Tim Nacy, Ruben Clamso, Turwin, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skull Bulb Dustin Watson Betty White 813 Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster Bolivar Shagnasty Starscribe Lucian Thunderstruck Ho Ho Ho Ma Mama Glorbnar 7 Now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars The Other Adele Leah Hall Sarah May Silly Willy Bubblebutt Sierra Not From Arkansas Ebenezer Boob Caleb Tumiala Jason Woods Arnie Arbuckle Esquired Potion Maestro Nebula Nell.

1:51:47Tess Segal:Regulators, mount up. Wandering Scholar. Mad Yogi Eileen. A Cat Named M. Petito Pato. Palace. Big Mo. I am Annie. I live forever in every moment I've existed. I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox. Sylvia. Pepitos. Henry the Goose. Jennifer Baumer. Ninja Grim Reaper. I am a bomb till I think of something else to do. Brrrrit words. Hotshot Huntley, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon Says What? Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, The Fourth Era, Printing with Cats, Khaleesi Del Mar, Von Vega, Dixie Dinah, 7 ,000 Possums, KBS 1017, Silas Vex, Sarah Jack Sparrow Space Pony, Revibe, Debbie E, Dusty Ventures and his pilot Uzi Drifting Through space.

1:52:38Tess Segal:Ronnie Porter, Gloria's line cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, the Gabbiest painter and her bird of fire. Q Dell, Pharrell, Emily with two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick the third, kerplunk kerplunk, whoops, where's my thribble? Jackie Wavelet, Yayoi Gagarin, A Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut, Poofy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, SteeLo, Bumbling Lilybee, A Quick Pause so Joe can sip from his tiny teacup. You know, a popular tea in the Tuareg region is Maghreb-y mint tea. Okay, so you take your gunpowder green tea, and then you take your fresh spearmint and a whole lot of sugar, and you brew it really strong, which sounds pretty great.

1:53:22Tess Segal:Panda, Kennedy Allison Farner, the perpetually tired transgender time traveler, Tristan Stolls, Dalen Y., Shadow Rapture, yet another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Llama, R-Craft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, the Ornamental Hermit, Jay to the Lynn, Just a Regular Fox, Jeremy Impson, What the Hell, Cineplex, and all the black people in North Carolina, Just Rachel, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Ava Cigarette Ash, Hugh Biffedit, A-Zeus, Anaphylaxis, Scav with Comtax, the shape-shifting sad girl and her girlfriend say, Joe, you've done it again, Sarah Nicole, The Kells Fights with the Bethanies, Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source Decay, Descendant of the Sweather Catfish Whisperer, Vagabond Mary, Bold Mouse, Katie Mermaid and the Delinquent Duo, Nauman, Nicole, Victor Schauberger, Reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Dangers, Security Chief Schatzi, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nix Reno, Frankenator, Nortlebash, Jordan, Arwen X Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage Audio Monkey Joe Team Hefeweizen K In the mysterious AZHQ, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of mics, a jumble of Jameses, a trifecta of Tonys, one of whom still wants to be Leif, but sadly, no Bethany's.

1:54:43Tess Segal:Rowan Thady of the Black and Herald of the Stars Arianne Can't Manage Normal Ryan Burnett Dr. Dr. B Zoprez and the Bumble Army, Growing Into My Farm Boots Super Beth Becomes an RN, Alongside My Bootstop Farm Friend Geneva Boss, Arkansan Not Arkin Sawyer, Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, Captain Scott, Letty Lou, Kinger Was Here, Bobby Ray Winland Jr., Bebop Be Dabba Doo Wop, Warped Echoes, Slabs McTerps, Jeremiah Franco, Justin, The Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, Cody McClure, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lazant, Jingolos, Eris, Goddess of Nobody, Hasmatilda, Ditzy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, Static Ego, Lolly, Evan M.

1:55:29Tess Segal:Dobson, Dave B. Nobby, Your Friendly Neighborhood Pathologist, Going to be Lit, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Externally Screaming, But Bethany, I Made Biscuits, Scebo and Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Christina Senatis Teleporting, BRB. Definitely not an android, seriously, I'm not. The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, The Kiwi Duckling, Dana Dana Bobena Fifi Fofana, Monsters Almanac's Biggest Fan, Aubrey and Her Dad, Tequila Mockingbird, Spweather Goose, Dameron the Space Goblin, I So Pale, Exquisite Whimsy, I Am Lord Zoltan, Hear Me Roar, Pocket Ghost Max, Mags the Conqueror imposes economic sanctions on the N.B.

1:56:17Tess Segal:Bethany's for the whole laser saw car incident.

1:56:47Tess Segal:My cat's name is Beef. dimensional multiphasic intergalactic quantum cyberverse, Verde Soul, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngun, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Local Marsh Hag, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacons, Pyro's Calling, The Wizard Supercalifragilistic Expialidocious, Too Many Jans, says, Things are bad, but we're going to win, Pamela Roselle Tierra, Then Steena says, Thud Tweed, Enigmatic Catbird, Countess of Carbon, Luminous Elk, Rhodian Caution, Love is for the Nierds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the surviving crew. It's just Tyson now. Casper needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O2 tank.

1:57:25Tess Segal:Quote says, Joe is the writer's room. Nasty Dog 74 needs crew for ship. Brown Coats, okay. Awkward Heretic, Devin7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northerly Kay, Lost Basan, you know, the moon prison outside the triad. Kim Sell, Silly Goose Honk Honk, Ad Matha, Astro Unit, Ghost Saber Wolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Tater's Precious, It's Just Steve, RuPaul Atreides, Amanda Short, Chut, Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, Nosaguaro, Ben Barr, Stand Clear of the Closing Doors, Please, Beastly Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunged, Ted Wassanasen, Virestria, Theosis the Theologian-ish, Why Is My Daughter So Feral, Send Help, Fernwood Gal, Nellie G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Sky, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Hornswoglin' Daniel Arthur, It's a Fucking Dog Rapture, Abigail Yodolaheehoo, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Wind Chimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborne Welsh, Fireball XL5, Mackenzie Duna, Code Stranger, One Betty Bet, ha ha ha ha ha, Matt N, Alfie Rivendurum, Momo Nakiki, Frelp, M.

1:58:37Tess Segal:Lin, Feed Fish, J.R.R. on SFP, J.Spark, Little Mirror Leopard Paws, Diet Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts Magortz, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Hold it now, hit it, heat it, had it, hoot it, Bradley Ashby, Peter, William Dyer, Vicky Hebert, Brad Meneer, Jane, Hannah Dale, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Killshot Betty and her steel-eyed beau, Jackie Lowey, the little pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Lily the planetary brain, Crazed Bear, Crafty Lizard be quilting, yes my brain is weird, thank you, Megan the Meg Young, Cory Morose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Jenny Wren, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Watcher, Jeremy Bearamy, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Belladonna, First of Her Name, Criddle, Twilio Heidelberti Tom Webster Rashmi Vinkatesh McClump Azana the Leathersmith Salazar the Dough Mage Hayward's Finest Garen Elizondo To my little You'll always be my good girl You took a piece of my heart And left a paw print on my soul Till we meet again Sir Shitsalot strikes again Damn animal Ashton James Elspeth Skyland ALR Sidewalk Jam Tonka 2005 Cruisin' B.

1:59:59Tess Segal:Anthony Trick says Wherp Tybalt the First Alley Frog Trey the Turquoise Tortoise Freya Titmittens, Courtney the Frogologist, The Funtucky Wrangler, Scrim Brulee, Yay Aaron, The Singing Loon, Zuzanna, Celeste Yoss, I'm So Antigone Fun, I'm Ava's Evil Twin Sister Bethany, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, The Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldo Simeone, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Ted's, Corrine Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K-Mac, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny D 'Anomaly, Charmé, K-On with Karma, The Wondrous Methazephan, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Mother of Cats, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King Loves Kathy, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Philomena, Rebecca Trossel, Igpe Attenlay, Chris from Tacoma, The Real Fairy Godmother, Mitzi Liu, Kelsey Holm, still Casper's number one fan but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Matt Mosby, Saint Foo, Harry Fishnuts, Astronoweeb, Magnos the Civil Gnome.

2:01:19Tess Segal:Welcome everybody, I'm Hydealon and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger Emotional Support Group.

2:01:52Tess Segal:Yarm, Stew, Anthanomaly, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and L.A., Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal, Fuck Ice, Captain Blepp, Ryan, Evie Power, Terry, PJ Says What?, Amelia Lucero et al., Fear Now Doesn't Polish the Shiny Melon, Blargo Blargo Blargo, The Jazzman, Tonight at 11, Larak the Barbarianess, Hicks Bezzy Mates, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, It's Just Blake. Alice Malice reminds you to take your medication, please. Your health is important. Kelly Jane Dankey, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, a.k.a. Casper from Another Universe, Chadney Ashra, Lucrezia, Thornis Animator, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, no, not that Ava, the one within.

2:02:46Tess Segal:Grim says, rest in peace, Jamie Baugh. You are my light, And the world is dimmer without you in it.

2:03:22Tess Segal:Uh, attention, Dread Pirate Fred, Fred Burger, we have run out of languages. Please contact our office. What the Chuck, Sona Nisuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd Van Voorhis, Nea DeRusso, Peachy Zatoichi, Ingi the Crack, and Azula the Brave, and their ever-faithful squire Grabthar. Jen Extraneous, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinket Coralie, and Existentially Exhausted Bean.

2:03:48Camille Smicker:Uh, well, there was one time when an Air Force pilot being chased by aliens... Well, there was one time... You know? I just... I really miss Brickhouse. So much remembering him.

2:04:05Tess Segal:Wait, did we hear you? I don't think we heard you, Tess. Could you say...

2:04:09Camille Smicker:And I was muted like it's my first day on the internet. Damn it. Started all over. Where are they going, Gloria?

2:04:24Camille Smicker:And why aren't they ready? Phil, I love that story that you always tell. Hey there. Should I be a little more convincing? I love that.

2:04:40Tess Segal:I feel like just 20%, pull back 20%, 20%.

2:04:44Camille Smicker:Got it. I'm sorry can we take that says the crow flies One more time just To be sure it was all in my brain That I heard clow fries Oh no that sounds right That sounds like what I said Claw fries As the clow fries Yes 11 ,000 clow fries Yeah you're asking I know I said it and then I was like I'm not that good at maps I was too certain I'm too confident.

2:05:18Tess Segal:And I'm a man who makes nothing. And I would... Got him.

2:05:31Tess Segal:Just imagine the rest of the crew behind Voon like, oh!

2:05:37Camille Smicker:Peter starts break dancing. Peter? I don't know why it feels so awkward to just say. We are. P-tail. P-tail. Lovely. That was so good. Really nice. Thank you. That was beautiful, Susie. So, Joe, that's the kind of energy that we need you to bring to these.

2:06:01Siouxsie Suarez:Phenomenal. I worked retail, so I feel like there's a lot of retail in Voon's alien DNA.

2:06:11Tess Segal:God damn it. what's wrong that's my line

2:06:24you're so good at acting honey he practiced that one he's got notes in the margin sorry that he

2:06:32Joe Fisher:just did that because what he wanted me to do was to say this instead all right well you know what they say about hope Casper it springs a kernel

2:06:43Tess Segal:that was much better I like that a lot more yeah I like that a lot more right exactly like that who needs words who needs words not this audio drama

2:07:02oh my god that's so funny

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