Chapter 55: The Krok Sucks Group Chat

12:41Karim Kronfli:They're doing a bit. Just go with it. Okay. Everyone, listen. When X visited me in my room, she was automatically scanned by her sensors. I've been going over them in my control room. Ooh. I feel so exposed. Based on her teleportation signature, X, the cube operates on the same principles that your chassis does? Yeah, totally. It's like I'm throwing them in my backpack. If that's the case, there's a way that you specifically can get through the force field. How? It's complicated. You can read my mind? Okay, yeah. Hang on. Okay. Okay. Okay. Wow. Skip to the end. Sure. Okay. Got it. This is going to be wild.

13:35Let's go. What are we doing? Let's just say that things can get very strange when you get down to the subatomic level.

13:44Karim Kronfli:The subatomic level? Yes. Why are we going to the subatomic level? X isn't just teleporting Casper. She's doing all sorts of things. she's basically going to do an end run around the laws of physics entirely. Labuza, is X about to shrink us? Essentially. Labuza, I know I'm always telling you to act more like a kid, but are you taking this opportunity to pull a prank on me? No. Because shrinking us sounds ridiculous. It does, but it's just a fun byproduct of a workable plan.

14:14Edward Selvey IV:We don't have time for this, Labuza. If we can get them inside the castle, They can also look for the source of the force field while they're looking for Ava. Everybody wins. Fine. You and I are going to have some fucking words after this is over, Kazi. I'll put it on my schedule. Enough. Both of you. X, get going. Okay, guys. Welcome to Operation Teeny Tiny.

14:38Karim Kronfli:Let's get small. This is so fucking ridiculous. While our three intrepid adventurers embark on Operation Teeny Tiny, across the battlefield, the diner enters the fray. Get to work, Voon. Beginning calculations.

14:58Leeman Kessler:Kazi, we're here. Voon is working on the secret weapon right now. What's his time frame? He doesn't know. He's tried it on a few people, but not a whole army. I'm afraid our position is less than ideal. Yeah, the Mucklewains told us. Casper and them are inside the castle? This is not at all how I wanted this battle to go. Kazi, I realize that someone like you having to depend on the diner on one end and Casper in a cube on the other end is pretty hard to take. But I've learned that in the end, the multiverse will always do the funniest thing. I'm not currently laughing. We've got company! Shit.

15:39Peter, search and destroy. Search and destroy.

15:44Leeman Kessler:See, Cozzy? Case in point. Right now we are being attacked by spacemen and they are being repelled by a robot that Leif made out of spare parts because he was bored.

15:56Edward Selvey IV:Hilarious! I don't think you're grasping the severity of the moment, Gloria.

16:01Leeman Kessler:I learned something while I was away, Cozzy. I learned that as long as we're all together, everything's going to be okay. We're almost there. There's only one of us still out there. As soon as Leif's here, everything's going to be okay.

16:19Edward Selvey IV:If Kroc decides to activate his weapon again, the diner is going to be his first target, Gloria.

16:24Leeman Kessler:Yes. That would be bad. But someone's going to figure it out. We've got a lot more bad guys incoming. Wait, look! Defensive perimeter around the diner.

16:42What the fuck is up with the Earth? Has he figured this shit out yet? I am making progress, but I am experiencing complicated security protocols. Please stand by. Whatever. We're going to make a perimeter around the diner. Try and speed it up, okay? Tita, what do you need? Uh, can I get some fries? Fries? Yeah. Do you guys have curly fries? Uh, we don't. Well, that's fucking bullshit. Regular fries are fine. I've got to go kill these guys. I'll be right back.

17:30Bad. Don't like Was terrible I hate it I am not well I thought the usual way was bad But this is way worse X, are you okay? I'm fine That was fun

17:42Karim Kronfli:Where are we? We're Oh shit, we're in the main hall This is where we were last time Not The most sneaky place to show up

17:55Oh fuck That was not the most ideal place for them to drop down into the castle, now was it, Ziggy? Not at all, Brusque. If that castle was a dragon, they had just teleported into its gaping maw. Nobody likes a gaping maw.

18:13Jessica Morris:Would you two shut up for a second? Well, if it isn't the most useless man in the multiverse... Hello, Krak. Can it be true that you discovered how to breach my impenetrable shield? And the vanguard of your forces are you, your son, and your little artificial friend. Where's Ava, Krok? Oh, I see. You've come to rescue your compatriot. A daring rescue mission into the heart of darkness. The location of Ava, please, Krok. You realize that the fate of the galaxy, nay, the universe itself, is being decided outside this castle. You've come to save one woman? Krok, can I opt out of the banter, please?

18:51I would like to opt out of the banter. Can I skip it? I'm exhausted. I was in the Sahara desert yesterday, kind of. Can I skip it? Can you please, for the love of space, Jesus, just point me in the direction of Ava?

19:05Jessica Morris:I must say, in spite of myself, after all this, after I've destroyed all of you, for the first time, I think I shall actually miss you. It's been a breath of fresh air interacting with such ridiculous people. Kruk, for the first time since the beginning of time, you're actually on to something. Yeah, I'm no spring chicken myself, and I feel like all I've ever seen are guys trying to grab a hold of the universe and make it do something for them. It never works out, ever. But they keep doing it. It never works. The only thing that I've encountered in all my time, steeped in this stupidity that works, A table.

19:52And some chairs. And the right people. Can you direct me towards my people, please?

20:02Jessica Morris:The doctor shall remain with me. Casper, why don't you and David run along? I'll take it from here. X, listen, this guy's... Casper, the adults are talking now. Run along.

20:19Karim Kronfli:Okay, this is terrifying. Let's go. Be careful, X.

20:24Jessica Morris:Hmm. The mysterious android. Dr. Maddox seems to think you'll be the cause of my undoing. I do have that reputation. You realize, of course, that I am an unstoppable force of nature. Well, that's what they said about Clementine, and I kicked her ass all up and down the Capitol steps. In case you're curious about what I'll do to you. I really am astounded at the circus of unearned confidence of you and your friends. I'm afraid the difference between me and my friends is that my confidence is 100 % earned. Last chance to give up. Oh, how could I? I'm far too curious now. Well, you know what they say about curiosity.

21:13When you attend a funeral, it is sad to think that sooner or later those you love will do the same for you. And you may have thought it tragic not to mention other adjectives to think of all the weeping they will do. But don't you worry. No more ashes, no more sackcloth And an armband made of black cloth Will someday nevermore adorn a sleeve For if the bomb that drops on you Gets your friends and neighbors too There'll be nobody left behind to grieve And we will all go together when we go Carl, what's wrong? Is the battle disturbing your nap?

22:27What's all this about, Carl? Did you order takeout without me? Did you remember to order the egg rolls?

22:37Oh, hi. You're awfully short for a stormtrooper. Oh, would you get the fuck out here, please? Ow! God damn it! Hi, Ava. Hey, David. I love your cat. He's such a little asshole, isn't he? Fuck you, cat. What took you guys so long?

22:52Karim Kronfli:There's a force field around the castle. Kazi can't get through it. Which is a good thing because she was going to destroy this castle with you in it. Ow! Let's get out of here. We've still got stuff to do. What are we doing? We've got to find out where the force field is coming from and shut it down. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. One other thing we need to do. One other thing? We're not doing one other thing. There's a great big gun in this castle. We've got to shut it down. If we don't shut it down, we're all getting effed in the B by the really big G. Fuck. Okay, fine. Can we go, please? What if there's a coffee on the way?

23:28That would be great. The room service here is terrible. Start moving now. Holy shit. X? Jesus Christ, Casper. Who the fuck is this guy? Look, he's a bad guy, okay? Yeah, apparently he's been juicing with vacuum fluctuation energy, which will make him extra powerful, but the effects are probably temporary. Also, it's super bad for you. Okay. Whatever. Hi, Ava. Hi. Get back in there, Rocky. Our to-do list in this place just got longer. Just once. I'd like to be involved in the thinky part of the plan, not the wackety smack smack part of the plan. Can we go over this at your next employee review, please?

24:16Fine. Where is this big gun? I have no idea. What? This place is huge. I don't know how to get there from here.

24:24Karim Kronfli:What do we do? Just wander around?

24:31Well. Well... If you say we're gonna follow the cat, I swear to God. We're going to follow the cat. I swear to God! Tidus formed a perimeter around the diner, but now all of Krox's forces are coalescing around their location. They're in a better position that way. It's easier for her to fight defensively.

24:49Edward Selvey IV:What was that? Krox deployed a squadron of fighters from the castle. All ships, evasive maneuvers. Engage the fighters, but do not break from your position. It's a manageable number of fighters. We should be okay. Every battle is a race, and we're not currently winning this one. How far out is the rest of Croc's armada? Thirteen minutes, ma 'am. Casper, what's your status? Oh, I really don't think you want a status update right now, Kazi. Why not? Well, it involves a cat. Would you like me to explain further? Kazi, it's your sister, Jazinka. The gun, the force field, that's got to be all her. We're trying to make our way to her lab, but this place is huge.

25:27Stand by.

25:27Edward Selvey IV:Casper, in case you're wondering, that's what a status update sounds like. You're not the boss of me. Kazi. What is it? We need to slow these guys down. Can you give us some suppressing fire from ships two and five? Two and five. Major, make that happen, please. Ships two and five. We need a ten-second bombardment around the diner. Tita, fire in the hole. Everybody, grab your junk! Can anyone in the diner hear me? This is Fiona. Fiona, there's going to be heavy fire incoming. You need to take cover. Peter, get inside. Down! Here it comes.

26:19Jessica Morris:You're not the most powerful being I've ever faced, but you are quite adept at taking a beating. Gee, thanks. It's astounding to think that Earthlings were capable of making something as powerful as you. Well, you know, Earthlings, they're a hot mess, but every once in a while they stumble into a good idea. And it's been a wonderful distraction. I'm simply biding my time here in the castle while I wait for my daughter to come to the realization that she is in a trap and will have no choice but to surrender. Well, I'm glad I could be of service. Yes. Before we begin round two here, let me ask you a question.

26:58Jessica Morris:By all means. Would it bother you if I read your mind? I'm not just indestructible, Kroc. I've actually got all sorts of talents. And one of those talents is that minds are kind of an open book to me. But I've learned to ask permission first. Unless it's Casper. I'd love to know what makes a guy like you tick. I'm sure you've been trying to be cagey with all the other folks out there, but it's just you and me right now. Just two godlike entities beating the crap out of each other. Mind if I get a peek at your cards? There's nothing to hide anymore, right? The trap's been sprung. You're just waiting for the end.

27:49You may look, if you dare. Wow. Kroc. You're terrified of him, aren't you?

28:02Jessica Morris:Do you understand now why I do what I do? Honestly, no. No? This whole plan of yours... You've done it all out of fear. I mean, I can understand that intellectually, but if you're looking for me to sympathize with you, I'm afraid I can't do that. I never sought anyone's sympathy. No. I mean, why would you? We're all just a bunch of little tiny ants to you, aren't we? Anyone put in my position would have done the same. Hmm. And that's where you really lose me. This much pain and suffering, you really think anyone would do what you've done? I do. You know, I spend a lot of time hanging out with Earthlings.

28:56Not just because they made me, but because you can learn a lot from them. They're so fragile. Their lives. Compared to you and me, they're as fragile as butterflies. I think if I were that fragile, I would be scared all the time. You'd never get me out of the house. But they... They managed to get past it. They managed to leave the house, have fun, be happy even. Honestly, I don't know how they do it. They do a lot of stupid things because they're scared, just like you do. But on average, generally speaking, they... They persevere through the abject fear of their entire existence. They get on with things.

29:49They live ever forward. I imagine that's pretty hard for you to understand. Well, and for me.

30:01Jessica Morris:Is this heartfelt plea meant to lull me into surrender? No, because in addition to understanding your fear, I also understand your stubbornness and any chance of convincing you of the error of your ways faded a long, long time ago. So, the only thing that's left is for me to beat the crap out of you.

30:31Rusk, it's often said in the history of war that no battle plan survives contact with the enemy. Is that why we found ourselves at this point? It certainly is, Ziggy. At this point in the Battle of Cryptesia, everyone's plans are beginning to go out the window. Croc meeting his match with X. Casper and David having to suddenly search through the castle. Kazzy finding herself stopped by an impenetrable force field. Which is why, no matter which battle you study throughout history, there was always the middle point. The point of pure chaos where the outcome could be anyone's guess. Midnight Burger, come in.

31:19Are you guys alright down there? Hey, Fiona, again. We're okay.

31:24Leeman Kessler:Are we okay? I'm okay. I'm good. Boone, how are you doing up there? The work continues. You guys okay? We're okay. What the fuck is up with the Earth? There is active resistance to my protocols. There appears to be someone resisting my challenges. They're very adept.

31:57Hi, Jazinka. I am not allowed to speak with you. I know. But here I am anyway. There are others here. Yes, this is Casper and David. Why are they here? They are my friends. I do not have time to speak. My protocols are under attack. So this is Kroc's secret weapon? I guess so. What are we going to do, just ask her to stop? Did you have a better idea? Why can't we just unplug technology from the wall? Why did we abandon that idea? Jazinka, there is a force field around the whole castle. It's very impressive. It cannot be classified as a force field. Really? What is it? This is the nicest I've ever seen Ava act.

32:44Yeah, it's disturbing. The field collapses the space within. It does not repel attacks, but rather makes the target effectively non-existent. Wow! What is the power source like for something like that? Power demands are inconsequential. Scale is the challenge. The field demanded a resonator to match target size. Cool! Where's the resonator? We are within the resonator. The entire castle is the resonator? Correct. Great. We're fucked. Why? The shield isn't coming from some device in the castle. The castle is the device. The entire castle generates the shield. Great. So we'd have to shut down the castle to shut down the shield.

33:36Yes. How do we shut down the castle? We can't shut down the castle. The castle is powered by the planet's core. We'd have to shut down the planet to shut down the castle.

33:46Karim Kronfli:Well, so much for this plan. At least I got a tour of the castle. All right. Fuck this. Let's get out of here, X. Yee-haw! Who's going to break the news to Kazi? Yet another dead end for Kazi's forces. The only saving grace was that David managed to hear guards coming down the hall before they had a chance to get into the room. I'm sorry. I what? Managed to hear guards coming down the hall? Uh, one moment. Shit. Hi, guys.

34:25Karim Kronfli:Great news. We're pinned down.

34:31Ma 'am. What is it? It's Croc's Armada. They've just arrived in orbit. How many ships? I count 30, ma 'am.

34:40Edward Selvey IV:Casper, it's now or never. Casper! It's not going to happen, Kazi. The only way to break down the shield is to break down the castle itself. The castle is the shield generator. And if we could break down the castle, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. I see. Kazi, you should pack up and get out of here while you still can. No. I've run before. I won't do it again. Tell Ava to figure something out. Guys?

35:12Leeman Kessler:We've got a lot more ships showing up here.

35:18Leeman Kessler:And a lot more bad guys. Everybody dig in around the diner. Gloria, get everybody inside. This is going to get messy. Kazi was outnumbered before. She's going to be even more outnumbered now.

35:30Edward Selvey IV:Attention. All ships, engage the enemy and don't let up. We fight to the last of us.

35:36Leeman Kessler:Casper? Yeah? Are we screwed? You know, Ziggy, it's at this point that I'm a bit disappointed. Why is that brusque? In the past, Casper had quite often described himself as a student of history. That's true. And yet, in a moment such as this, he seemed to have forgotten all about it. How so? Well, Marathon, Gargamel, Salamis, the Siege of Malta. How many battles throughout history have been won by outnumbered forces? The losers had inferior battle tactics. Not just that, Brusque. Let's not forget about the wind. The wind, you say? The kamikaze wind that blew the Mongol hordes away from Japan. And the Protestant wind of the English blowing away the Spanish Armada.

36:34And the snowy winds of Tauten that blew the Lancastrians into their greatest defeat. Seriously, the wind? Give me a break, guys. And I suppose if Casper were to hear us say this now, he would be up in arms at our hopefulness. That's true, Brusque. But Casper was historically a big whiny baby. Goddammit. It is a historical fact that Casper was, famously, King Baby himself. Often saying, and I quote, I'm a big baby, stomping around in my big baby pants. Where is my binky? Baby wants binky. Okay, very funny. We're sitting here about to die and you guys want me to hope for the wind to blow?

37:29Edward Selvey IV:What was that? What was that sound? I don't know, ma 'am. Did you guys hear that?

37:42Uh, is the ground shaking? Gloria, I'm experiencing unexplained seismic activity. We all are, Voon. And then, as if on cue, the wind began to blow.

38:27What the fuck? Is that a mountain? That's a mountain. Gloria, I believe there is a mountain. Yeah. A mountain?

38:40Edward Selvey IV:What the hell just happened? Uh... Major. Ma 'am. A mountain has appeared. Excuse me? Uh... Mountain.

39:01One more time. A big one. 3 ,500 meters. It just showed up? Uh, yes.

39:12Edward Selvey IV:Does someone down there want to explain the mountain to me?

39:15Leeman Kessler:I don't think we can, Kazi. Wait, ma 'am, whatever it is. It took out half of Krok's fleet when it appeared. It did? They collided with the mountain. We have a fighting chance now, whatever it is. It's on our side. Is anyone out there? It's Leif. Can you hear me? Show up any time, dick. Leif! Gloria! Are you on the mountain? Yeah. How did you bring a whole mountain here? Remember the Horizon Motel? You brought it with you? The whole mountain moves like the diner. I'll explain later. Can somebody give me a rundown? After his many adventures with the denizens of Hood's pocket, Leif had arrived on the battlefield ready for anything.

40:03Partly due to Dr. Maddox's warning to him when they briefly met at the beginning of the universe.

40:11Edward Selvey IV:You're welcome. When they what? What are the Mucklewaynes doing?

40:15Leeman Kessler:They're doing a bit.

40:16Edward Selvey IV:Leif, whatever you've done, you've given us a fighting chance. But we're not out of the woods yet. Tita is still greatly outnumbered on the battlefield. I can definitely help with that. Whoa! Issue forth, my beautiful boys. Today there is naught to drink but love.

40:36Leeman Kessler:Leif, there's a porcupine guy.

40:39Edward Selvey IV:Good lord, is that Slabs McTerps? Oh, hell yeah! I love this guy. What's that, Slabsy? What else? Leif, there's some sort of force field around the entire castle. We can't get through it. Okay, Virg, are you up yet? Hello, this is Verge. How may I help you? Do a pass by that castle. I need to get a better look at it. No problem. Eldon? Scanning. Verge, is that you? Hey, Tita. Damn. They'll let anybody into this war, won't they? Oh, dear. Are you seeing this life? That's impossible. Apparently not. That's Misak's Tabernacle. Apparently so. You can't make it that big. Apparently you can. Misak's Tabernacle, Brusque.

41:22It had to have been the last thing Leaf wanted to see that day. Misak's tabernacle, an impenetrable shield invented by a mysterious ancient engineer named Misak, had long vexed scientists and engineers alike. Leaf, Kroc's chief engineer is another one of his daughters. She has crazy brains. The entire castle is the resonator for the field. Whoa. You guys are in there? Yes. X is here. She got us inside with a cube that, well, you made, but that's another story. Anyway, she's the only thing keeping Kroc from killing us right now, so she's occupied.

42:03Leeman Kessler:Leif, is there any way to get through the force field? And almost any engineer would have said no to that question, Brusque. They would have, but Leif knew something they didn't. There's a way to get through it. But I don't have what I need. What do you need? A field that size? I would need my particle cannon. The one you dismantled. Not just that. I'd need about four of them. Shit!

42:31Whoa, Juzinka. What are you doing? Construct of unknown classification detected. I will use its presence for a new weapon test. Maybe you should do some more testing. Maybe it's too soon? The time is now.

42:46Karim Kronfli:What's happening? She's going to shoot the mountain. With that thing? Oh, shit. Leaf, duck and cover. What?

42:59Guys. Duck and cover for what? Leaf, are you okay? Yeah, what happened?

43:06Karim Kronfli:How did he survive that? How did I survive what? The new construct is unaffected by the weapon. Well, guess it's not working, Jazinka. I guess you need to go back to the drawing board. I say scrap it all together. Me too. Guys, what's going on? It was right at that moment that Ava's mind began to race. It was? A thought began to form in her mind like a bolt from the blue. It did? A thought so outlandish that everyone would call her insane. They would? But, as Ava always said, when they think you're crazy... That's when you're really onto something. Ava? Ava? Ava? Leaf, how many particle cannons did you say you needed?

43:57Uh, at least four, but there's no time for that. Okay, everybody, keep doing what you're doing. We're gonna work on something up here. Okay. What are we working on? I need to think for a minute. Operation Bury the Witch, you're a go. Roger that.

44:17I have to say, I really don't like the name Barry the Witch. It has some historical undertones I really don't like. Oh, right. Do me a favor. Roll down your window and complain to one of the evil spacemen about your displeasure with the historical undertones. I'm just saying. Wait, hang on.

44:42Celeste! Oh, hey, guys. Hey, how's the battle going? It's going well. We're gaining some ground. Fantastic. Say, where's a good place for me to park Trinket? Oh, I think right up there by that abandoned laundromat. Sure. Come, my love. Be pushed forward. Okay. Gotta go. Good luck, guys. You too. Have fun storming the castle.

45:12I think I know why we haven't finished Star Wars. Oh, yeah? Why? I mean, it's kind of a snooze compared to this, right? Oh, yeah. Totally. I mean, I'd like to see Luke Skywalker operate without a space suit. Hey, yeah, good luck talking to mushrooms, Yoda. Exactly.

45:46Doug, are you there? Oh, uh, yes, I'm here. How are things in town? Uh, they're okay, I think. Is there any sign of the enemy? Oh, no, no, not yet. When we arrived on this planet, several enemy ships collided with the mountain. There may be all sorts of survivors wandering around the mountain, and they will most certainly be hostile. Oh, okay. I just walked through the town square and everything seems quiet at this point. Good. Um, well then, I feel a little bit strange not helping. I understand, Doug, but this is a dangerous army and our efforts won't be helped by your hunting rifle and Steve's flaming liquor.

46:29Best to keep the four of you safe in town. Oh, I understand. Just let me know if you see any enemy combatants. Okay, I will. Good.

46:43Elder? Yes. So, I see enemy combatants. Honor your partner. Honor your corner. Circle up left. Like a wheel in a wagon. Circle up right. Now don't be a dragon. Alamed left. With your left hand around. Grand right left. He'll swing him around. And, yep, and, um, they are square dancing. Deidre? Hey. What the fuck is happening? Uh, well, um, a bunch of those soldiers showed up, and they were really scared and really didn't want to go back into the battle. The first thing they asked for was square dancing. Space pants darts, step up and bent your space pants. Who's next? What's your name? What? My friend, I can't understand a word you're saying with that stupid helmet on.

47:45We're playing space helmet darts next. On to your partner. On to your corner. Circle up left like a wheel in a wagon. Circle up right. Now don't be a dragon. Alloman left with your left hand round. Grand right left, no sweet morale. I think we're going to be okay, Eldon. Uh, stay safe out there. Leif! What's up?

48:09Leeman Kessler:The bad guys are all pushing toward the diner. Tita can't keep them all back. I think they're trying to get to Voon before he hacks them. Who is Voon? He's an urt, and he's trying to hack into the bad guy's systems. You have an urt in the diner? Not the time, Leif. What do you need? Voon, how much of your equipment do you need? I only require M. Leif, that plane thing up there, is that yours? Yeah. Let's get Voon in the air. Okay. Verge. Go for Verge. I need you to pick somebody up. On the roof of the diner is an urt. I need you to keep him mobile. I can definitely do mobile. Moving in now. Eldon, open the vac tube.

48:49Vac tube open. Coming in on target. Three, two, one. Greetings, sorcerer. Hello. The customizations on your ship are very interesting. May I scan for relevant technologies? How about you save the day first, and then you can scan all you want? Of course. Hang on tight. Okay, he's on the move.

49:09Edward Selvey IV:Any new ideas on how we get past that shield?

49:12Karim Kronfli:Uh, Ava's thinking about something. Tell her to think faster.

49:16Leeman Kessler:Kazi, since we can't get through the force field, I think we should focus on the battle we can win. With a little luck, we can at least get the upper hand out here.

49:25Edward Selvey IV:Agreed. We need Voon to make progress on his plan. Shit. Gloria, get inside.

49:36Okay. Come on, you fuckers. Here we go. Peter? Death Blossom. Death Blossom. Look out!

50:20So, what are we doing?

50:22Karim Kronfli:Ava's thinking about something. Okay. How long does that take? I don't know. I'm just glad she's not doing the thing where she starts speaking in tongues. Speaking in tongues? Yeah, it's very disturbing. It's like a religious ceremony, but just science comes out. Okay, I have an idea. Okay. What do we do? Well, the first thing to do is don't freak out. Oh, Jesus. You know those times when I have an idea and it sounds terrible, but it only sounds that way because I'm the smart one? I hate those times. I know. Just go with it, okay? I don't want to just go with it. Can I opt out of going with it?

50:58Jazinka, I don't think the problem with the gun is a design flaw. I think you need more power. I think you need to load the gun with all the new energy you have and fire it at the mountain again.

51:16Karim Kronfli:Whoa, what? No. No, thank you. Unsubscribe. Bad idea party. Shh, Jazinka, what do you say? Let's turn this shit up to 11. J 'Zinka? I accept your proposal. Loading weapon to maximum tolerable energy levels. You know what I would do, J 'Zinka? Maximum capacity, but a constant stream instead of a controlled burst. Then you can monitor the effectiveness in real time. Agreed. Ava, what in the fuck are you doing? We've established that the mountain absorbs the energy. So why are we pushing our luck? Because I have an idea. What is your idea? It's good to see you. What? I forgot to say it's good to see you.

52:07I'm glad you're alive. Don't try and distract me by saying nice things to me. But it always works. No, it doesn't. Yes, it does. Hey. Look, you told me one time that you're the guy who always does the stupid thing. That's your superpower. Well, I'm the person who always does the smart thing. This doesn't look smart to me at all. That's because my shit is so smart that it looks dumb. Where did you get a cat? Late Renaissance Denmark. Where else am I going to get a cat? What? The architect appears to be distracted. I am making progress. Good, because we've got company. Eldon, what are we dealing with?

52:50Six fighters in total. We're a bit faster than they are, but we have no way of fighting back. Anyone want to get these assholes off my back? Boone, are you okay? We're being fired upon and taking evasive action. Shit.

53:07Fiona looked up into the sky to see not only her friend under attack, but their entire plan for victory. And it was Fiona's hallmark quick thinking that launched her into the moment. Hallmark? That's not my hallmark. How is that my hallmark? Fiona looked to her left. She looked to her right. I'm looking to my left. I'm looking to my right. And there, just off the parking lot, she saw an abandoned enemy fighting vessel cast aside in the battle. Okay, I'm seeing it. That's when the thought struck her. A thought struck me. What was the thought that struck me? All she needed was a pilot. Oh, fuck, shit.

53:54Okay. Uh, hello? Who's out there? Fiona, what's the problem? I'm looking at an abandoned ship from the bad guys. Can a person fly this thing? What happened to the bad guys in it? I have this robot, Peter. It's a long story. Can someone fly it? Yes, we steal them all the time. Okay, hang on. Phil! What's up? Outside, right now. What are we doing? Cass, how do I get someone in there? Do you have a pilot? Let me introduce you to Captain Philip Buck of the United States Air Force. Fiona? Hello, Captain. Fiona, get him underneath the nose cone. Okay. Fiona, what the hell's going on? They're trying to kill Voon.

54:31You've got to get up there. Shit. Um, alright. Uh, beam me up or whatever? Here we go.

54:41Oh, shit. Okay. Captain, what's a plane you're the most comfortable with? Uh, F-4 Phantom II. Ooh, old school. Okay, the control panel is modular. It'll start changing right in front of you. Okay. Okay, this is looking familiar. Get up there, fly boy. Alright, here goes nothing.

55:09Frank, are you guys in position? I mean, sure. Sure? Well, we're sitting here on the outskirts of the battlefield, and Trinket has her feet buried in the ground. So, is that in position? I guess that's up to Trinket. Right. Trinket, how's the ground feeling? It's a very strange planet. It's a very strange planet, Leif. But I think I've got a handle on it. Oh, but she thinks she's got a handle on it. Trinket, I'm trying to get Croc's location. Try and look for the thing that has the worst vibes on the battlefield. There should be all kinds of evil coming off this guy. Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh, yeah, I've got him.

55:58He's inside the castle. Wow. Good. In the middle of the castle, there's a huge hall. It's massive. So big, you can't even see the ceiling. Okay. Now, there's a bunch of other things that have to happen first, but when the time is right, I need you to tell me when Kroc is in that hall. Okay. Okay. I think I can do that. Great. Leif, how's it going over there? Like, are we winning or losing? Well, right now, everything is a big ball of chaos, and sometimes that leads to us winning. Oh, great. Hang tight. I'll let you know when it's time. No problem. So, Leif, just all these places I see all around me, cafes, corner stores, they're all like the mountain?

56:50Yeah. Crazy, right? We're next to a laundromat right now, and you're telling me someone had to travel through the cosmos in a laundromat. Makes that mountain of yours look pretty good, doesn't it? I guess so. Jeez, how did we get here? Uh, what do you mean? Look at us, this is ridiculous. Is it ridiculous? Or were our lives before this ridiculous? What are you talking about? I don't know. I mean, remember when I was writing a book? I mean, what was I even writing a book about? Remember when your biggest problem was the motel you inherited from your dad? feels kind of ridiculous to me. Well, I think I prefer that level of ridiculous.

57:41Well, I know, Frank. Sadly, we're not the ones in charge. Wait, who the hell is in charge, Trinket? And what's their deal? Oh, shit, Frank. I don't know. Whoever they are, they've decided there will be no quiet life in the mountains for us. And why us? And why us and not someone else? I don't know. Maybe somebody else would just fuck it up. Well, I am mad. And I am going to write a strongly worded email. You've never written an email in your life.

58:27Shit. Oh, we shouldn't take another hit like that. A little help up here.

58:38What was that? Ha ha ha! Splash two! My hero. Nice shot, Captain. How are you doing up there? This thing flies pretty good. She's... Got a fat ass, though. First time you've ever complained about that.

58:49Leeman Kessler:Hey-oh! Very funny. I love this guy already. What the hell is going on in the sky? Who am I talking to up here?

58:56Edward Selvey IV:Virge. All right, Virge. Whip around that mountain as fast as you can. You'll see me coming at you, but don't worry. I won't hit you. Let's get the rest of these assholes off your back. Sounds spicy. Voon, we're about to pull some serious Gs. Get ready. Oh. Dear. Here we go.

59:28Hey, baby. Yes, honey. I think I want to paint the living room. Sweetie, can we talk about this later? I'm just afraid that you're not going to like the colors and you're not going to tell me. Just one more second. Honey. Wave left.

59:50Woo! All four down. Nice work.

59:58Hey, Leaf. What? So, I'm about to do something. Oh, God. When the concentrated beam of energy hits your mountain for an extended period of time, don't worry about it. What are you doing, Ava? Trying to get you some particle cannons. What?

1:00:15Edward Selvey IV:Casper, what is she doing? Why in the world would you ask me? Ava, firing the cannon is a bad thing. I thought that was established. Oh, I'm counting on it. What? All ships, steer clear of the castle. Here comes the bullshit. Holy shit! Whoa!

1:00:32Karim Kronfli:Ava, what the fuck is all of this for? The beam is new energy harvested from vacuum fluctuations. So what? It's energy that doesn't belong in this universe. So what? It's a really big problem. I think we're aware of that. Energy depleted. Gathering data. What happens when there's a really big problem? What?

1:00:59On that day, Ava exemplified something she'd always believed at her core. That so much of the world we live in is built on assumptions, and to see past them is to transform the world that they are built on. And on that day, her beliefs turned a beam of deadly, world-killing energy into a beacon. What's that sound? Uh, y 'all, I am seeing something weird from up here.

1:01:32Leeman Kessler:We're seeing it down here. Oh my god.

1:01:35Edward Selvey IV:Ava, what am I looking at? More joints keep showing up all over the battlefield. Joints? I'm seeing the Graveyard Waffle House, the In-Between Cafe, Jade Compass Chinese Takeout Ray Gun Tattoo. Oh, shit, mini golf. A city bus is down there, y 'all. They're all appearing out of nowhere.

1:01:54Karim Kronfli:Holy shit. You created a big problem so that a bunch of diners would show up. Yep.

1:02:04Ava, this is very clever, but how does any of this help us?

1:02:10Our Leaf dismantled his particle cannon. Did all of them? Uh, what the fuck is this? Someone want to tell me what's going on? What fresh hell is this? Hey, what's all this about? This can't be good news. Solve si amo arvati? Holy identity crisis, Batman. This is my nightmare. Mad scientist thundercrash. Ava, what am I supposed to do?

1:02:44Leeman Kessler:Excuse me, Leifes. Look, guys, there's no time to explain. I need you to sound off if you've got a particle cannon on your roof. I got mine. I've got two of them. Oh, yeah, sure. Real nice one. Mine's pink. See, not your own mom. Okay, listen up, Leifes. If you haven't noticed, we're in the middle of a big battle here. That castle is the target, and the whole thing is covered with Misak's tabernacle. Seriously? That's impossible. That's actually doable, boys. What are we supposed to do about it? We don't breach that shield. The guy inside is going to bring down the entire universe. I'll explain later, I promise.

1:03:20I need everyone to coordinate their particle cannons in the following configuration. Calculation successful. Attention all parties. I am ready to deploy my protocols. Do it, Voon! This will come in two waves. Wave number one will deactivate their shields. Deploy tactical dome, full theater. Ah, hell. Did somebody just pop an Ert Dome? Oh, have we got an Ert in the chat? Fuck yeah! What ho, chaps? May I be of assistance with my fantabulous steam-powered automaton? What? Jesus Christ, is there a steampunk Leif in the chat? Boo! Give me a break! Get the fuck out of the chat! I have a dirigible! Protocol implemented.

1:04:00The enemy soldier's shields are down. Holy shit, their shields are down. Everybody, push forward! Hey, sounds like the tide is turning over there, Leif. What's the situation? I just saw a used bookstore appear out of nowhere. It's getting weird, that's for sure. We're about to make a big move, and then it'll be Trinket's turn. I'm ready. She's ready. Stand by. Come on, we're going to come around this way. Oh, shit. What? We've got a group of bad guys headed for us. I think they're trying to mount a sneak attack or something. Well, what should we do? Okay. Stay here. I'm going to go inside the laundromat.

1:04:43Just act casual, okay? Okay.

1:04:53See where you are. Well, I kind of have to. My feet are buried in the ground. Why are your feet buried in the ground? That's how I relax. It doesn't look relaxing. Have you ever tried it? Who are you? I'm Trinket. Do we shoot? I guess so. Look out! Holy shit, what was that? Uh, a washing machine? Here, do you want another? Get out of the way!

1:05:24Oh, hey, you guys are probably going to need a dryer, right? Pull back! I'm trapped. Help me. Let's get out of here. You assholes. Well, let's hope these are still under warranty. Am I right? Who are you? Uh, I'm Frank, and that's Trinket. Hi. Human beings can't do what you did. Well, I don't know about that. If you believe, you can achieve, right? That's what you would say, right, Trinket? Frank. When you wish upon a star and all of... Frank!

1:06:08Frank?

1:06:15Frank! Oh, shit! What's happening? Huge seismic event, ma 'am. Is it coming from the castle? Epicenter is somewhere in the battlefield. Don't let that stop you, Leifes. We need to open that shield. See you, I'm a prank. I'm in the zone. Ready to go. Locked and loaded. Let's mess around, boys. Three, two, one, fire.

1:06:42Nice. Okay, keep that up. We're going to need at least 90 seconds. Enough pressure and we should open it up about one millimeter. That's all the opening I need. Activating second wave protocol now. I am deactivating the infantry's weaponry.

1:06:58Edward Selvey IV:Tita, report. Have they stopped firing their weapons? Well, goddamn. Now I'm going to have to do my least favorite thing. Take prisoners. Frank, we're almost ready. Frank? Frank, you there? What's his location? His phone appears to be offline. We'll head down and look for him. We don't have time to look for him. I need information on the inside. Casper, where is X? Leif, I can hear you. Why are you whispering? Croc and I have been going at it for a while. It's turned into a little bit of hide-and-seek. Okay, listen. I need you to lure him into the main hall. That huge room with the tall ceiling.

1:07:36Okay. Then what? Just let me know when you're there.

1:07:58Hey, Leif? Yeah?

1:08:01Leeman Kessler:It's good to have you back. It's good to be back. Okay, Lucian. Showtime. He's here, Leif. I need him in the exact center of the room. And get ready to teleport away. Got it.

1:08:45Jessica Morris:So, we end where we began. Thanks for giving me a tour of the place. You are exceedingly powerful. Oh, thank you. What do you do with all this power of yours?

1:09:03Well, mostly I raise trees, but every once in a while I like to go on a crazy weekend with my human friends.

1:09:11Jessica Morris:You're wasting your potential. I see how you might think that, but I can't say that I agree. You think you're meant to engage in this ridiculous charade with your insignificant friends? I think it's when you say, meant to. That you lose me. That implies there's some sort of grand plan out there. Some sort of hero's journey waiting in the wings. I don't think I'm meant to do anything. I think the universe just sits there, existing, and we tell ourselves a story about it. I've never heard something so childish. Well, if you're looking for maturity, you've got the wrong group of people. Do it, Leif.

1:10:08Jessica Morris:You must be joking!

1:10:17Leif? What did you do? I dropped a mungo on him. You did what?

1:10:22Leeman Kessler:A mungo? On top of him? Where the hell did you get a mungo? Is the mungo okay? Babe, that's a weird way to try and end things, but I don't think that's going to be enough. That was just the first part.

1:10:39Leeman Kessler:Oh no. I know that sound. Me too. Me too. He does not sound happy.

1:10:52X, get everybody out of there right now. What's happening? The Mungo's about to go Godzilla on the castle. Oh, shit.

1:11:17Where are we? We're inside the boom cube. We use it to move around. I would like to stay here. That's totally fine. Just so you know, we are far away from the castle on a hill, so there won't be any unexpected loud noises. Also, I've got David's sunglasses here. I'm going to put these on you because it's brighter out there than in your laboratory.

1:11:50I like the sunglasses. Me too. It's a look. So, listen, Jazinka. There are going to be a lot of changes coming up, okay? I know that's going to be challenging. But we'll make sure that you have a schedule for each day, and we'll get you another laboratory just as soon as possible. All right? In the meantime, you've got your keyboard here, and I don't think Carl is going to be leaving your lap anytime soon. Okay? How do you know I need this? from working with a lot of scientists. I'm going to go and talk to my friends now. Would you like to come with me? I would like to stay in the queue. Okay.

1:12:51I'll be back.

1:12:54Karim Kronfli:That's the angriest animal I've ever seen in my life. He is going ham on that castle. Should we do something about the rampaging Mungo? Probably. Hey! There he is! I can't believe we did it! I can't believe your solution was a mungo drop. I can't believe yours was the day of the doctor. I don't know what that means. How many leifes are out there right now? Guys, judging by the radio chatter, there's not just a bunch of leifes out there. Let's gather up all the duplicates and have a softball game. That's not a bad idea. First things first, though. X, take this. This is a jar of honey. Yeah. The mungo's injured, and the only way to calm him down is to put honey on the wounds.

1:13:41Aw, poor bastard. I'll be right back. So, a mountain. You guys, I have got about a million stories to tell you. Well, don't start yet. We've got incoming.

1:14:00You guys. Gloria! Rejoice with me, I have found my lost sheep. Well, look at this sight for sore eyes. Y 'all, this Mucklewayne bit may have been my favorite of the Mucklewayne bits. I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Aver.

1:14:17Karim Kronfli:You guys, that was so stressful. We had to get shrunk down to the subatomic level. We were so small.

1:14:25Leeman Kessler:Leif, what the fuck with the mountain? Pretty great, right? You had a spaceship, you had an army of mercenaries, it was like the end of time bandits. Luckily, with a less ambiguous ending - Leif, who are all these people? I have to thank every single one of them! You'll have time, trust me. They're a little occupied at the moment. They're down a man. Oh no.

1:15:12I found her.

1:15:17Hey, witchy poo.

1:15:22All that's left of the soldier that shot him is that pile of mushrooms. I didn't mean to do that. I'm sure. Is everyone else okay? We're okay.

1:15:44He's gone.

1:15:49Their guns don't kill you. What do you mean? They don't kill you. They send you somewhere. A random place in space and time. To most people, that means death. You know, since the vast majority of space and time is just the void of space. But for our boy Frank... He's still alive? Almost evidently, Drinkhead. But he's just out there somewhere? Well, what if he needs help? We don't know what to tell you about that, but there is somebody who may know where to start. Who? Trinket? I thought I saw you out on the battlefield. Do you recognize my voice? Do you remember me? Labuza? I can't tell you where your friend is, but I think there are some things we can figure out.

1:16:52How about you meet me in our special place and we'll see what we can see? Okay. Okay, I'll be there soon. Trinket, maybe you should rest first. Oh, fuck no. Get me back to my shop. Okay, okay. Up we go.

1:17:17Found him. Hello, Dad.

1:17:27Father My dear

1:17:33Jessica Morris:I believe you've killed me I certainly hope so I didn't think it possible

1:17:42Edward Selvey IV:How did you manage it? So long as my dream lives I live That's what you said to me So I killed your dream

1:18:00Jessica Morris:Well, I would say that's a poetic ending But you do hate poetry, don't you? You realize, with me gone There'll be no one to protect this universe

1:18:17Edward Selvey IV:If this is what protection looks like, I choose danger

1:18:25Jessica Morris:Remember those words when he comes for you?

1:18:35Jessica Morris:So, what shall the killing blow be, then? A public hanging? Burned at the stake?

1:18:46Edward Selvey IV:Nothing so clean as that, father.

1:19:06Jessica Morris:Really, dear? Like this?

1:19:12Edward Selvey IV:Who says I hate poetry?

1:19:33The End

1:19:52And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember we're out there somewhere looking for you. We open at six.

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1:31:48Fada and da fuzz. I have a healthy fear of furries. Tracy Nellig. Big Daddy Hankerton. Flapp the Flabbergasted. Nanique of the Not Quite North and Schrodinger's Duck. Eric Keevey. Ethan Horvath. Petra Peaches, Resonance Soundworks, Diane Simmons, John Gormanshire, James Connolly, They Call Me Brent, They Call Me Brickly, They Call Me Me Me Me, I Work With Kids, They Can't Say Brittany, Paul Mitchell, Retro Punk, Mickey Smith, L 'Clusi of Borg, Non-binary Fugosilvit, The Love Wizard, Rombo Bombo, Croc the Propagator, Xavier Dasher, Beans McBamph, Three Pandas in a Trenchcoat Named Bethany, Magpie Cat wants to know why the pandas named their trench coat Bethany.

1:32:34US Marshal Stacy, Jemaine Masters, Blind Irasta, Booyah Hippie, Iron Foley, Brandy Gunter, Jonathan Johnson, Grandma Floozy, The Slim Reaper, Elisa Kelly, the femboy catboy behind Casper welcomes you to Behind Casperville, a town of cat people held in a pocket dimension behind Casper, intergalactic transdimensional Monte Cristo pirate. This patron can't come to the phone right now. Please try again later. Sometimes I wonder if pizza thinks about me too. On the off track, P-Lander Z, Mad Tiger, Mad Tiger, Get Well Soon, Transgressive Party, Cuddly Kraken, Shantae, Umquam, Ruthie Loves Her Girlfriend So Dearly, To Polar Cat, Dr.

1:33:18Lattice Trash Angel Absolutely Covered in Sawdust Because She Was Granted a Table Saw. CJ the Future Knot says, Stay Fresh Cheese Bags, Reluctant Dave and His Dairy Queen, Aoife Lilith will live on the radio waves evermore. Intergalactic transdimensional Monte Cristo pirate. Jonah the gay uncle. Smedley P. Snodgrass III, but please, for the love of God and all that is holy.

1:33:48Call me Smedley. Chekhov's forklift lifts endless endless forklift. Demonic narwhal. Randy's amigo. Orat. A fan of Casper's character development. Kathy B, Rachel Neal, CJ, Dominic Alvord, Chris, Megan A. Coppock, The Creature, Burger Corps, His Royal Highness Prince Puppenheimer McStinkerpants, heir to the three-ply empire. Owen the Orgasmic Ostrich from Oldham, Bad Egg, Bran with the Pants that Dance, June is my Spirit Animal, Maple and Cronus, Benign Alien, Dilbert Weed, Medally71, Reluctant Dave, Scarlet Leopard, Memzi, Spitboy the Spit Guy, He Spits, Demon Knight 016, Brookie, aka Dances with Cats, The Sorcerer Sanguine Says Brain Demons is an anagram of Brandon is Me.

1:34:40Gabriel Strife is brought to you by Charlotte Brown, Gary Gygax, and the number 42. Gabriella, the Jasmick one. A plus K. Cory and Stephanie celebrate 20 years of marriage. Sidron. Damn it, Derek. David Kiesler of the Cornville Kieslers. In Iad. Happily divorced Heather looking for a lady lover. I want a clockwork mungo. Just some guy from Adelaide named Ryan. Kashak the Lizard Wizard casts Jabootigate. Mission Control banned me from fucking aliens. Patty the Ginger and his Bethany-slaying Ginger Army. Positive Buzz Network. Storyteller. Who do you think you are? I am! Zach the Wayfaring Cryptozoologist.

1:35:21Cause it don't change my number. Kate, six, seven, five, three, oh, nine. Bunches McGinty and her pack of rescued demon dogs. B. Elzebub, Lucy Fur, and Abby Normal, if you want to know. Squeaky Squeakerton Squeaks Von Squeakerson III, even though he's the first and only. A.K.A. Fake Noodle. All the mungos in the triad go. Dr. Punkasher Esquire has so many flowers, he's giving them away down at your local record store. Mental Hinge. Chef Gal Val was on hiatus for a while and is currently playing catch-up. Stay tuned. Did somebody order the Chaos Goblin Supreme hold the anchovies? No, seriously, hold this bag of anchovies.

1:36:01It's really heavy. Sammy Lockalee and Sir Dr. Werther P. Worthington. The intergalactic house of cats demand a free Palestine. Can I have Zandria but just get Joe to go for as long as he can on the R? Sure.

1:36:18Zandria. A-plus Douglas. Alexica Habanera. Alondra. Cicada the Multiversal Bug God. Confused Dog. Early Morning Clouds. Eddie Eichmann. Chaotic Bananas in Four Low. Talon Lawson. Kirion the Asteroid Wrangler. Kyle Kaleesh. Leo. John 316, boy! Mother Grimm, Nico Lund. QWERTY, tall, tired, and nerdy. That Wacky Aunt. The Mysterious Woman. The 206 Project. Podge Art. Dem, Leif's brilliant but dyslexic little brother. Doyce, the Truscan Union Rep. Fenwick. Kitty Pockets. Molly Winter. My Father, the Milkman. Penn Strike Algorithm. Strikes! Shelby Welby Lives Forever. The Electric Tuna and Lady Fish in their fishdom.

1:37:06Theo at home, two sheep toys. We've been trying to contact you regarding your time traveling dimension spanning diners extended warranty. It's not rocket surgery. Byro the motherfucking dragon of the Shreveport the motherfucking dragons. Cheap con, the real cheap con, except no imitations. Actually, nevermind. Go ahead and accept other cheap cons. I'm sure they're good folks. Can only think of them as hot pockets. But Jolanth, Leif's one true love and the bride Leif left at the altar. Dot, dot, dot. Need I say more? Kitty Pockets. Ron and Misty Dawn. Two souls just trying to order night breakfast in the wrong time, space, and dimension.

1:37:44Nix Manx. Kelso the Great. Inaed. Dave Clark. Teagan Rose. Michelle Smith. Andrea Beagle. Burden by Noon. Cuddles the Cat. Tsar Ptolemy. Morsa F. Jones. Mystics of Kadun. Professor Tuesday. Dr. Ava Maddox. Is our cat. H.E. Double Hockey Sticks. Mama Beth and her wheel babies running the giant wheel. Cyrano Johnson, Troy Pugsley, Andrew Payer, Goth Squatch, Quellor the Liberator, Big J Rock, Orb, Logan Fullerton, Rhonda Menard, Dear Ted Empire, Your Code Sucks, Have a Sandwich, Needs to Be a T-Shirt as an anti-AI battle cry. Ava's Dying Pet Cactus, Dark Dream 95, Socialist Queers for Jesus, Taku, DJ, Harrison Sally, Spooky904, GART, Big Bunging Bernie Sanders Approved Beyond Burger, Leif's Third Doomsday Device, Ducky the Therapy Dog, Shane Snoke is a goofy enough name all by itself, Avalon, A Goddamn Harpoon, Pickle Pancakes, Michael Card, Raven the Necco Queen, Spike Osorio, Benjamin Davis, Twyla Sands, Alexandra Scaldone, The Huak, Shenzhou, Chris the Monster, Cylinzer, Chrisara, Fernando Alacuzzi, Wad of Gore, Not That Keith, Jordan Lawley, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Skeksis, Royal Punk, Trisha Schaefer Says, Ew, David, that is not a taco.

1:39:12Zico, Udon96, Ren the No, Latimer Lovelock of the Lacy Lady's Lovely Luxuries, Jizum Crow and the Holy Cow, Tanya Fisher, Rainbow Goth Unicorn, Rango Corn, Our Lady of Crab Walking, Known, Nomad, The Human, Space Viking,

1:39:31Tess Segal:Celestial Crow, Gavin Dees, Gavin Sailor, Neve to Princess and her Aunt Seuss Honey and Ember, Googles Galad, The Forgotten Storyteller, Chris with a K, Slangwort, Honey Badger in a Trenchcoat doing crimes, Jay Cable, Cranky Old Organist, Jarrett Kosu, Leon Sporkfire, Pastor Jen Jensen, The Dick Wizard, Noise Squared, Ginger Bear's Honey Bunny and their sidekick Wicklow, The Mount Hood Tory Gate, Mrs. Cashew, Julia Ghulia of the Shreveport Ghulias, Stoner Pubby, Inateb thought that they could spy in the Bethany War by spelling their name backwards, but it isn't fooling anyone, everyone. Sub-Arctic Turtle, Doc U018, Mark Kayab-Yab, Namir, Sandalwood Mountain, East Coast Branch, Christy the Chaos Coordinator, Joshua Baker, Grant Blackburn, The Bean Count Bandit, a Margin Mage.

1:40:22Tess Segal:Silent J, Geo. Buzz Balab, the Boom Guy. Boom! K-Man, Mimosa, David O 'Banion. The Phantom of the Uxbridge Music Hall. Dizzy Miss Lizzy, Mostly Harmless Alien. Logic Ledger, Kayla Soom, right behind you. Gonzalo Mortines, World's Largest Ball of String. Bucky Chipmunk Reminds You That You Lost the Game. Hesthoden Neprathum, Flashcards. nine. Yeah, the number nine. A resting place for weary beans, Shane Hopkins, Juniperb with the backwards knees, Eve in the between hour, Two-Faced Janice, Slight Burn, Scooter, worshiper of the seven cat gods, the amethyst dragon with tiger eyes, laser girl and the nurse, where are our oars, Caddy B, go ask Alice, Valen's three cats stacked atop each other wielding a plasma gun, Purple Nurple Nullifier, JP the Pizza Boss, Reaper's Past, Late Indeed Again, Rex Cricket and Frankie, Brigitte, Spadius, Squiddy, The Frosthunt Scientific Collective, two of us have PhDs and the third has memorized all of Ava's dialogue.

1:41:30Tess Segal:Champagne Supernova, 11-Letter Christopher, Antonia Ortiz, A Block of Ice, Huitlacoche is Corn Smut but classier, Ren the Crescent, Jane Doe, Lord Drez, Drakir, Blood Butler, Sandalwood Mountain North, Cryptic Amorphous, About 45 degrees, Mandy, Big Cat Makes Kitten Go Purr, Ted Ted and Teddy, Hi Bruce, Enjoy your walk through them all, Parker Berry, Don't actually say this part of my name, just say my name, please. Dr. LL, your Jamaican fan, says Wagwan. Tula Blue and 142 Boogaloo. Pistol Pete and Death Lotion. Debbie Trencher, that one dude who likes tacos. The male escort. Lady Bethany, aka Mrs.

1:42:13Tess Segal:Turkey Spit. Junior Barding, the father of Lucas. Ava Maddox's ashtray. Adorbees. Bones, Lizard Breath, and the Snot Rocket would love a Spaceburger, Andrea Rose, Samantha Oram, Bat Loves Dragon, Tommy Johnson, Unhip Fern, Noodles by Godzilla, Ralph Capone, Corey 83, Blues, Liz wants Leif to build her a plane, Dude Named Blake, John Caleb Williams, Yontalius, Kian, an Eel exchange student from Midst, Daberti last name, Ricklin, like Rich Land but without the D, Dyer, All Bethany's Must Do the Hustle, Jordy Ladbrad, Natasha Without Boris, Frost and Alice, Lobster Possum, Malort Boy, Jinx the Cat Would Like to Offer You Biscuits, Have a Zesty Day, Megan, Malcolm Edwards, Spend My Money Irresponsibly, Steven Drop, Dana Thanielson, Son of Dana Thaniel, or Danny for short, Chris Eaton, Cross Stitcher Who Loves the Hobby and Time Travel, Funchbrunglin, Nash Likes Apples, Pneumatic Yeti, The Eldritch Skyphozoa, Wyatt Fryhover, Paul, James Bell, Dave Davison, Broom Goddess, Ricky Burnett, That New Guy, Da Savage Indian, Rad Boy, Jules Weeks, Calf, The Generous Patient Rose, John Wilkes Booth's Freedom Loving Horse, aka Jay Willikers, Neckbone His Imperial Dudeness, Oh Hey, It's Jay, Grimm, Off the Internet Wants Harriet to Know he loves her.

1:43:39Tess Segal:Titan King 707, Rich Francis, Burger Kaspa Spa, no relation. Jedi Shaolin, Smart Alec the Great, Gas Station Cryptid, Deus Kashuk, Papa Goose, Sometimes I Do Feel Like a Plastic Bag, Amanda Bills, Misty Word Power, Casper's Danish Moose, Flacco aka Johnny R, the Disco Spider, Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Leaf, Chapter 2, The Ted Slayer Unchained, Vicky Hebert, Pike Daniels, The Cosmic Whale, Zansatsu, Mr. and Mrs. Van Limberlost, Murdoch Wang, Caterpillar Farmer, Chimera, Don Moat, the space trucker Chadwick Coden Doyle III, Jody Green, Monster Senshi, Michael Peters, Political Knitter, Seasonal Sasquatch, Siantly Seeks, Secret Society, So Special Souls, Softly Sing Sweet Songs, Smartly Stirring Strong Stories, Physicist, Brendan Shoneman, I Divided by Zero and Now I'm Undefined, ah!

1:44:32Ah!

1:44:32Tess Segal:Leif the horse is here. Mag Tremor. James We Met. The listless enjoyer. Miss Maxine. Boy got them honka-honkers. Kevin O'Malley. Invisible Garilla. The Mrs. Poland. Zamaniac. Hop loves a thugbot named Francis. Pam the Infinite. And Thou. Curiosity is eating your bones. Revolutionary inclined ocelot. Matt Howler. Andrew Bear. Marius De Joa. Butterfly Fox. Riot the Tranny. The fish did not acknowledge her. Irma the Llama, 27 Keep It Tight, Chip Gloria's right hand jack-in-the-box man, Jordin, Grim Knight, Pike Daniels the Whale, Anthoseles Bethany Maximus Lord of Kingwood, Texas, Ragnar Jensen, Addison Weirdo Wagner, Araman 0305, Smoke Me a Kipper, I'll Be Back for Night Breakfast, Titus Kosloff, Ashes of a Burnt Out Laith, I'm a Kung Fu Panda on the Wind, Brandon AR equals Thor.

1:45:28Tess Segal:I love you all. Never forget that, especially in Trials, and Labuza's voice brightens my day. Electromancer, Chekhov's Space Cannon, Corey Senses, Surf and Turf Telecoms, I'm a Djinn, Red and Dusty with his Garden Goddess, Shelby Morrison, Mystic Monster for Chaos, Ziggy Dreadful, Rave Hands Mally, G-Wing, It is Sparks, Lost Girl Lou, Chris B, Middle American Penguin, Shanna Welch, Crocheted Cosmos, Andy the Celestial Penguin, Jackie Orion, Bo Nunley, Ariana Castillo, The Tall Deer That Portends Great Change, Lita Mettinger, Marco, Friend, as in Your Best, Lime Ghost, M, Icky Blurgs, Jay the Irascible, Ian Full, 345 Uneducated Swine Learning to Swing Dance, Nova the Fuck Accountant is definitely not Otatangle, one intergalactic year with Big Potato 99, aka the Rat Lady, aka Bumblebee, aka AK-47.

1:46:25Tess Segal:Kai, just a little guy. Ender Wright, Mark Nazawaritz, Xenia, the Capturer of Light, Theoretical Chemist, Chris Loves to Read, Katie Michalik, Greg Andrews Lyons, In Memory of Jason Reese, Get Your Buttfingered, That Girl Gracie, Magnus von Kaffenheim, Saucy Lil' Beast, Drubert, Captain of the SS Beefy Tits, Long Time Lurker, Scooter, The Unlucky Son, Jennifer Myers, Lady Lazarus, Donnie Darko, Tim Shin, Caitlin and CT's Never Ending Podcast Adventures, Whisper Dan, Mad Maddox, Kyo the Panda Puppy Forklift Operator, Ruby Cherries, Nick Faye, Buttholen, Justin and Amy Triplett, Jen Sims, Penelope, Ring to the Motas, The Leathermans, Jen Before, Ander Ho, Leah Prime, Gregory Santoro, Mothmull, Not the Fucky Fried Chicken, Robert Drapiza, Dimension Spanning Time Traveling Little Guy, Iono, Jonathan Tolbert, Mr.

1:47:20Tess Segal:Put It On 06, Hedgehog Hen, Katie Chambers, Jay the Podcast Lover, Dick Rickles, Chapter President, damn glad to meet you, Malcolm Flynn, Samuel Lee, Josatron Prime, Oh My God I Forgot to Change My Name from Nicholas Beckler to Something More Cheeky and Fun, Arwen the Freer, Throat Goat 666 I Am Your Father, Addie Slauson, Inconceivable Kai, Red Rum 916, Nick Waycaster, Gotham still fucked up, Batman really ain't doing shit when you think about it, No Good Monk, Rai, yes, like the bread, Sarman Sayed, Jhonald Grimbus, Matt Knight Bushager, Gavin Morey, Damitri, Andromeda, Stephen the Choi, Gloria's Authentic Earth Coffee, Gabriel T, can someone find me the Parmesan?

1:48:04Tess Segal:I Did This For Fun, Cookie Nebu, Axel Zapata, Jason McDonald, Orianda, Bean Dino, Philip Linick, Hugh Jass, J2, Brian Montgomery, Trev Brax, The Bard Without a Ballad or a Mallet, Nazo, Platform Jail Mechanism Burn Museum Theorist, Hold Please, Kei Keiow, Empress Squishy Face of Greater Catopia, Anna Garcia, Goblin King, Rays of Noop, Kiki's Best Friend Would Like to Go to Breakfast, Yegor Luce, Terry Cadds, says hello Ernesto. Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Lafe, Chapter One, Loaf Tracks retires. The dishonorable prodigal Ilam, Sculliver, Sam and Shane, Ahsoka likes hugs. Going Anonymous, V, Ma Dukes, ooh chickadee, Dango Dale, Esty, not the website.

1:48:50Tess Segal:At every moment in every corner of every possible world, there is always a way home, and it's already found you. Jao Paolo Lemos, Odd Keep, The Sentient Lighthouse, The Faceless Old Bethany Who Secretly Lives in Your Home, DeShane, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Zosifer Doggo of Doom, Burnt Barbecue Beef Brisket, It's Official, They're Called Thigronies, Kevin Winans, Marlon C., Just Whelmed, Cherish Hellfire's Hellish Chairfire, Lycan Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnese West, Knox, Lisa Lou, Emmett Hale, The Triad's Baddest Goblin, Emory and Lano, James Miles, Browncoats Love the Diner, House Chaos of the Critter Cacophony, Max, Nia, Ivan, and Mark will see you at 6.

1:49:32Open, open, open. No, wait, never mind, just Mark. And, uh, we make the world.

1:49:37Tess Segal:Minion Simone Mimi Davis, Gaia Turtle, Wayne Barahona, We Will Not Rest Until Puerto Rico and Palestine Are Free, Pluto Crow, Nissy's Mom, PokeSplort, Whiskey Rebellion, and Gen Riot's Interdimensional Detective Agency, Altreon, Shibu, and Griff, Slimnandy, Jenin Britt, Adriana Bartolomucci, Hornetti, Balian Fair has retired and now raises herds of mungos, Hood's Pocket Protector, Valkyrie Storm, Patricia Who's Always Late But Somehow On Time, DC Squirrel, Kyle the Interstellar Highwayman, Shelley Act on the Verge, Gale Friend, Rubber Cake, Clover the Clown, The Sparky Tech, Prop the Crocogator, Ringleader Volt, Jazz Punker, Captain Tight Pants, and the companion, Renee N., Katarina de la Playa, RIP Eloise Waffles, The Floof Wrangler, Aki the Space Druid, Phantomland TTRPG Dice, Kate Taplume, Your Local Blacksmith, Jason, HVAC Tech for the Diner's Deep Freeze, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Error, Zephyr the Weffer Montgomery Foxworth, Mary Face, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl the Interdimensional Space and Tea Time Witch, Amara Salazar, Banjo Buscalo, Full Beans, Glorious Forgotten Ford Festiva, Night Breakfast at the Midnight Cauldron, Force for Good-ish, The Ghost of Dave Brockie, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Fry Lord, Gravity's Optional but Fry's Aren't, CJ's Big Barbecue Bistro for Bethany's, Angel Vasquez, Evil the Cat, Stephen Raymer, J.

1:51:05Tess Segal:Carp Fishman, The Great Goblino, Low Oxygen, Save the Mungos, Joji the Birdwatcher, Lilac Morcella, Your Tig Old Biddy Yeen Milf Majesty, Temporal Hash Brown, Diane Brown, Captain No Sleep, Jamie the OG Happy Hippie, Rainy, Reuben Eden, The Shreveport Bohannans, CC the Umbrella Mage, Bradbury Sasquatch Loads Chekhov's Gun and Rides to Join Bethany's Army, Din, Cosmic Ketchup, Lack of Lifestyle, Moosey, Hood's Pocket Gear and Sprocket Local Repair Cafe, Postmaster General Kwan Sent Me, Blake Basmagian, Nitwit14, Roiled way too harshly, DJ Johnny B, The Klopman Diamond, Marco Montano, No Longer Doing a Bit, Shiny Fields, Adam Tachek, Christopher Wendell, Unproductive Banana, Pulsifer the Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, Bex823, Auntie Cryptid, Barry Heap, Gas Mask Penguin, In the Hot Seat, Mime Ninja's Ninja Mime, Master Oogway, Barry, Dilius Dallying, Futile Screaming at the Ocean, Fox Hatlin, Dylan Caroni, Pedro Vibresto, Slider, Malachi, Maple Emily, the gayest library janitor in Indiana, Physic the Good Bush, definitely not one of the bad bushes, funding rebel Bethany's to overthrow the duly elected Bethany's, Hexadecimal Bethany is non-binary, Vapis 10's Big Black Gaping Hole, Bruce, Jessica Gigoma.

1:52:29Tess Segal:Torical. Jenny the Bear. Egrrr. Sir Dean Thorne. Treech? Josie Jones. Mr. Fibble is very cross. Haute Potato. Dr. Mojo postulates the end list endlessly splintering off as Bethany and Burt Burt's caboose until its end lists all the way down. Blind Time Traveler Convention Date. L.A. Woman. The Phoenix Rising. New name? God. No, not him. Jeff Andrew? Sure, Jeff Andrew. Cup of Noodles. Shmizzy Two-Shoes, Luna Nova, Nicholas Griffith, Justin Smolin, Riku31, Craig Dundee, New Type Without a Gundam, Astral Sea, Ickle Me Pickle Me Tickle Me Too, Witch Loud the Cartoonist, Guy with the Chops, Sam, Mitchell Yee, Bagel Knife, Imelda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Ryan K, Nate, Chip, Radio Free Relia, Violin Loves Midi, Brian Pasley, Suwubasa, The Blue Chernobyl dog enjoyer.

1:53:21Tess Segal:Grena, Piston Whip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Satsuma, Dr. Jones, Icy Axe, Coach Shane of Toad Sucks Central, Go Cranes! Skye, Cole Arthur, Lego Croissant, Norwin Murgler, Joe Cuppa, Dogma Mom, Weeby Choppin' Broccoli! Blue Tune, A Feisty Ass Chickadee, Poultry Landmine, The Scrappy Poet, Jenny the Cryptid Paladin, Maverick Artist, Shit, It Was a Mimic, Basil in their tea, waiting to gossip with David. Ainsley-ay-ay-ay-ay. Angnor, ATB, Kiwi Lovelybead, Zoe, Professor Freda, Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson-Twote, still trapped but I've stopped asking why, the freezer is, I am, we chill.

1:54:03Tess Segal:Son of Defarge, give peas a chance, Samalama Ding Dong, Ricardo Galamba, Kari's Crafty Cloaking Devices, LLC, See, hashtag we weave them of gossamer. Penny the Wonder Dog and Bucky Von Buck Buck, medium rare extra toasted bun, saucy Caesar, belt, Aspen is a Verge fanboy, Ava's favorite My Little Pony pencil wants Joe to slap into a snim gym, Mr. and Mrs. Drifter, representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger tummy time chapter, Nathaniel Lee Industries, Lord Entropy, Bok Bok Motherfucker, The Fae Wanderer, everybody's favorite clown Splotchy, kosher steak, Flo Rida, Alyssa's Shiny Pants, Gondor Calls for Aid, Arnold Rumspringa, The Demise of the Temple of Bethany's, Alan Berglund says, Hi Mom, Rin the No, Kitty McSkull, hapless novelist passenger of the dimensionally impermanent and temporally incontinent bookshop cafe The Wild-Eyed Prophet, Tessa Craig, Perfectly Personalized Disaster, Lux Luminos, Javi De Niro, Big Chunk, Gadides, Boom Boom's Wooden Leg, Jilly Bean, Benjamin, Not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leia, A Singular Nightbird, Bethany in a Greenfield, A-E-I-O-U-Y-N-W, Bumblefay, Mr.

1:55:13Tess Segal:Epsilon, Long-Haired Matt, DJ, Robert W, Brielzebub, Krezimira, Jessa Loren, Myth and Stitch Embroidery, Loves the Mucklewains, Lulu Louise, Dulio, The Brew Crew Family, Burt Ruba, Your Most Benevolent Lord and Master of the Multiverse, Jeffrey George, Ellie, Don't Tariff Me Bro, Oopsie, Evelyn, Grimlor, Genial Boom, Errant Popsicle Stick, M Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Jack Spider's Mom, Bubble Butt Bethany Has Banana Breath, Llama Fresh, Jare the Benevolent Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Sad Little Earth Monkey, Revan the Red Beard Wizard, Bert Bert and the Funky Bunch, High Viscosity Gender Fluid Slime, Bethany 2, Electric Boogaloo, Welcome to the Quan Pound, pen pen pen pen pen pen pen, Mr.

1:55:56Tess Segal:Muchacho Kaiser Schnitzel has successfully recruited Sarah Murphy's cats for the Trouble Puffs Fight Club, The Wolves in the Deep Freeze say, awoo! Sanctuary Moons No. 2 fans, Insane Clone Posse, Alice Lewis, Simply Amy Sue, Even Older Liz, McBearcat, Grack Pinfeather, Sitican Druidic Scientist, Astro, Your Friendly Neighborhood Android, Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Recy, The Midnight Missionary, Out There Somewhere Looking For Ya, Rotten Ronnie Sleeps in Grandma Panties, Artist Dragonborn, Bigby Garage, Bill Zangana Lester, Big MF Juice The S.I.P., Muffins, Chad Hatter, Cosmic Tea Maker of the Triads, Tell Your Cat, I Said, Psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss, Banana Manaz, A Corgi Called Kibble, Cuddly Kraken, Sarge the Bard, Summinity, LL Cool Mint Jams, Travis Roberticus, Ken Daddy, Leia Izadi, Millie Was Taken, Bee Camp, Shanman Man Man, Karma Karma Chameleon, Kinran Says Hello, Zoe and Her Army of Mice, Briar Longlost, Daniel, Dr.

1:57:00Tess Segal:Bootyologist, the Glutes Doctor, Thank You for Pressing Too, Your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian Request Will Be Processed in the Order in Which It Was Received, Queen Surly Jess, RIP Lance McClain, You Would Have Loved Midnight Burger, Adam Toklove, Dr. Bitchcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Eros to God, The Size 2 Fish You've Been Looking For, Borgia, Spiders Are Cuddly, The Main Immortal Pinball Sounds in the Diner, Cheel, Kneel, Sin City, Scuba Steve, Poliwog, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Professor Thaddeus Snookums VIII, Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky, This Moment of Silence So Joe Can Catch His Breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler, Elizabeth Hammond, Steam Vision, Conductor of the Interdimensional Time-Spanning Hype Train, Dave Harold, Wise Cube, Bro Mine, pronounced bro, mine, main hamdinga, Mother of Pearl, Fiona now owns Leif's 18-inch Peter, Seal Face, Rigor Mortis, Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes, Coy Lane, Trebek's Reject, Prophet of the God of the Mucklewains, Darth Ox, Michelle Kay, Aaron Arnold, Boyoyoyoyoyoyoyoying, Mama Mander, B-Roz, and Slunk Master Jay, Alpacalypse, Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, The Lord Reverend, Ryan, Thomas's ten tenebrous tan staffle tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales, The Lovely Laura Lovely, Kith Gamgee, Sam Wise's flaming cousin, Dariel, Jeremy the Ruler, Gochi, Charles Robert Darwin III, Esquire, PhD, Jacob Mitchell, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill, Ola Millikan of The Welcome Wagon says E Cabo, The Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scrubs, Remy, The Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German short hair pointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says wolf.

1:58:49Tess Segal:Whiskered, Marissa the Ghost, Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Ol' Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, We Serve Everyone Eventually, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox aka Br 'er Rabbit, The Constantly Lost Geographer, Timothy Aotis. Chance wants you to know, he cares. Wolf Stark, Elliot, Hobbs DeCoe, Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yin, Mubi the Golden Calf, Suda Satoshi, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth. K-Narcotics, Solomon Price, Bubba 485, aka Schemmelbach the Christmas Whale. Stella Corvus, Jesus Garcia, JP the IT Guy, Candyman Fight.

1:59:33Tess Segal:John Peters, you know, the farmer. Barkley on the Holodeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-049, O Magus, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, Space Based Lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Marla Madam Lotus still especially loves Finley, Mr. Steamwave, my friend the rhino says be nice. Hup challenge.

1:59:57Tess Segal:Dream founder. I'm your huckleberry. Elizabeth T. Ty Ty the Wonder Hamster and her dear darling Duke. Boombastical Kimlicker. Hug a Muffin. Bigfoot of Doom. DL. Annie Atkins. A bounty hunter called the Crandy Man. Garrow. My cats say to tell you. Meow. Think fast, chuckle nuts. Flash banged. Benjamin Ortiz. Mr. Frog President. Pop Rock Quicksand. Mr. Squizzle, Sizzle, Whizzle, Fizzle, the Horrendous apologizes for conspiring in the Bethany War. Invites for tea are being sent now. Abanasso, Mr. Rage, Adalor, Trans Space Dinosaur, Spooky Spader's Storytime, William Kent, Andy, Ryan Abbey, Thomas Adams, Drink Spiller, Stephanie Boock, Entropy Eigenbasis, Andrea Crowther, Martin Deers, Kevin Daughtry, DeFlower, Two Daddy Jazz Hens from Mouse Toots, Dan Gentry, I hope something good happens to you today.

2:00:49Tess Segal:Yes, you. V Greenlee, Ron Hayden, Michelle Hopper, Jake the Cook, Josie Jones, Boots Gootin' Dave, Anthony Lakey, Britt Littlefair, T.U. Luther, Some Days You're the Beatle, Some Days You're the Dung, Lauren Mayer, Glenn Morris, Richard Ryan Mochelle, Michelle Myers, Ali Oopsie, Not To Be Confused With Oopsie, Fridge Pickle, Rosemary Prim, Robert Savat, Lizard Lee, Eliza Sharp, Donald Shingler, Daniel Stavvy, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Kella T. Arena, Rachel Vasquez, Luca Vecchito, Naya Venturi, The Beloved Yet Borderline Inappropriate Empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Christabel, Justin Wiley, Brett Zimmerman, Arrow Jones Jubal, Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin-Is-A-Ho, Mimetic Hygienist, Aaron Star Joshua Damien and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude DeClaws, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelly, Jonathan Kay, Pearl Null, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs1012, Scotty Oats, Byrotron95, Spiku, The Bracken System and its Homeworld Ren, Simply Tony, Gabrielle Castellon.

2:01:53Tess Segal:Whom, what, when, where, and why is what all Fagronis say while listening to Midnight Burger. A drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar. Sir Party Animal, Uloy Jackal, Ari Shore, you Mike Robb, the Nancy Sinatra, Court Need to leave it alone if you want to live. Must be a witch. My Thigroni has a first name. Stoppenstein L. Mustachio. Luca for Hezekiel. La Chihuahua Brava. CC Carousel. Korth the Destroyer. Honest Puck. Casper's Mom's Milf. Scout and Foxglove says the floor is lava. Unexpectedly blue red Nell. Kordomsky. Craig Armstrong. Plastic Fork. Dulcet Deleche Studios presents Under the Truskin Sun.

2:02:34Tess Segal:Get Outta My Booth, Bug, Propagator, I Hardly Know Her, Sad Angry Crab Man, Chuck McFinley, Effie and Zebulon's trans great-granddaughter Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon in a Cauldron of Bats, Ben Carlyle, Flat Steve's Love for Grand Theft, Anna Kearney, Tater Tot Assassin, Four Schnauzers of the Apocalypse, Starblaze Burnbright, Imzukioki, Spotted Rhino and her hand-me-down frogs. Red Mafia Panda, Lonely Isle, Kai Dallow Headphones, Hinkle, Pikeman Stover, Fondella Stover, Pikeman Stover's wife. Alexander the Boss, Skrizzles, flap, kitty, kitty, kitty, the Firekeeper, the end is nigh, Jeremiah the Cancelled, Librarian Alex, Spike and Faye, Johnny Ellen West and the Boys from the Dwarf, Speedy McSpeedy, Eli, Wolf, Auntie Becky is owned by Five Rescue Cats, Speckled Unicorn, Jedi Rides Again with Nova the Space Pirate, Tevin Longblade Shortsword, Forget Normal, A Damn, CJ Johnson, A Dragon Sitting on Its Horde of Dice, Wendell Whitaker, Chumbo Wumbo, Pikachu, Smivey, Glowbed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Ban Mi Hung, The Soup Witch, Fettuccine Alfredo, Pebbles, VV, Effie Rawlings, Philip Your Dad Is Not Your Dad, Nick Borrow, Midnight Plumber, His Royal Highness Mr.

2:03:51Tess Segal:Hamilton Underfoot Kitty I, and Accomplice Princess Penelope the Marcion Yonesse of Mischief and Maven of Mystery, Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Heiser, India Inkblot, Slev of Bahamut, Omi Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Kat Holtz, The True Mega Mike, Fred and George, Ava Maddox Jr., Liza Wirth, Cass Williams, Christy, Yeet My Boy, 46 Toolshed 2, and L. Marie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt says in a world of Slugbots, Be a Hugbot, Red the Gray, The Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex, Neverchild, Dr.

2:04:31Tess Segal:Nassos, Interdimensional Biologist, Kiboko Dunord, Kozamine, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Barding Got His Barber to Listen to Midnight Burger, Little Debbie Cupcake, Sandalwood Mountain Offers Peace for Your Soul, Whimsical Fuckery, Megan with an H, Patricia the Time Lord, Mango Connoisseur, That Old Glory Coal, GL Meownaze Cat Butler, O'Sheen Liu, Alex Berry, Andrew Oakden, Asymmetrical Exile, Churro the Space God, Eliza Travels the Universe, Lindsay Bowen the Goddamn Podcast Lawyer, Alex Spruce, Dr. D. Birdclaw Squether and Mrs. Dubopduwe Birdclaw Squether want to say hello to the whole Squether family.

2:05:09Tess Segal:Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Dirk Adub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, most likely Cass, Jasmine James, Dr. Caberand, also known as Omni, thanks Waffle Chateau, Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Jennifer Culkins, Midday Burger, Don Parks, ThroatGoat666, oh my god my dad found out about my Patreon name, Fish in a Bag, September, previously observed in the pattern, Prime Freak, Protector of the Scottish Realm, Little Lord Stevie Pie, Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubenesque Parrot. Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubenesque Parrot. Sea Squatch. Deflater Mouse. Tony Piekarski. Adrian R. Javier. Crazy Thadley.

2:05:50Tess Segal:Crimulus is just happy to be here. The Twisted Twigster. Real Housewives of Seagius. Fae Queen. Oopshnart the Probability Demolition Expert. For My Mother. Nicole Studioso. Sign my giant, angry, flailing mungo. Kay the Flying Penguin honks at the horde of Bethany's encroaching on their nest. Honestly, this is getting absurd. Truck Stop Sandwich, Indigo Escargot, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Wandering Biscuit, Castriff, Retro MG, Night Script, Uhtred and Rose's Viking Void Vitals fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Yeah, not sure what I'm doing. River Brown, Senior Deuce, Warped Rider, Tim Nacy, Ruben Clamso, Turwin, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skull Bulb, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck, Ho Ho Ho Ma Mama, Glorbnar 7, now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars, The Other Adele, Leah Hall, Sarah May, Silly Willy Bubblebutt, Sierra Not From Arkansas, Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Potion Maestro, Nebula Nell, Regulators, mount up!

2:07:04Tess Segal:Mad Yogi Eileen, A Cat Named M, Petito Pato, Palace, Big Mo, I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed, I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox, Sylvia, Papitos, Henry the Goose, Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, I am a bomb till I think of something else to do, Brrrrit Words, Hotshot Huntley, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon Says What? Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, Printing with Cats, Khaleesi Del Mar, Von Vega, Dixie Dinah, 7 ,000 Possums, KBS 1017, Sarah Jack Sparrow's Space Pony, Revibe, Debbie E, Dusty Ventures and his pilot Uzi Drifting Through Space, Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Line Cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, Q-Dell, Pharrell, Emily with two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick III, Kerplunk Kerplunk, Whoops, Where's My Thribble, Jackie Wavelet, Yayoi Gagarin, A Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut, Poofy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, SteeLo, Bumbling Lilybee, A Quick Pause So Joe Can Sip From His Tiny Teacup.

2:08:16So apparently one of the most expensive teas you can get is fertilized exclusively by Panda Poo. And the reason why that is is because pandas, when they eat, actually absorb very little nutrition from the bamboo. And in light of that, I think we can all agree that it's time for pandas to get it the fuck together. Panda. Kennedy Allison Farner, the perpetually tired transgender time traveler.

2:08:42Tess Segal:Tristan Stolz. Dalen Y. Shadow Rapture. Yet Another Nicole. Hank the Wonder Llama. R-Craft. Russell. Jay to the Lynn. Just a Regular Fox. Jeremy Impson. What the hell? Cineplex, and all the black people in North Carolina, Just Rachel, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Hugh Biftit, A-Zeus, Anaphylaxis, Scav with Comtax, the shape-shifting sad girl and her girlfriend say, Joe, you've done it again, Sarah Nicole, The Kells Fights with the Bethanies, Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Source Decay, descendant of the Swether Catfish Whisperer, Vagabond Mary, Bold Mouse, Katie Mermaid and the delinquent duo, Nauman, Nicole, Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Dangers, Security Chief Schatzi, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nixrino, Frankenator, Jordan, R1X Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hefeweizen, Kay.

2:09:42Tess Segal:In the mysterious AZHQ, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of mics, a jumble of Jameses, a trifecta of Tonys, one of whom still wants to be Leif, but sadly, no Bethany's. Rowan, Vady of the Black and Herald of the Stars. Ryan Burnett, Dr. Dr. B, Zoprez and the Bumble Army, Growing into My Farm Boots. Superbeth Becomes an RN alongside My Bootstup Farm Friend. Geneva Boss, Brothers of the Cosign, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation. Captain Scott, Letty Lou. He was a shifty one, that Nick Howard. Kinger Was Here, Bobby Ray Winland Jr., Bebop Be Dabba Doo Wop, Warped Echoes, Slabs McTerps, Jeremiah Franco, Justin, The Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, Cody McClure, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lazotte, Jingolos, Eris, Goddess of Nobody, Hasmatilda, Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, Static Ego, Lolly, Evan M.

2:10:35Tess Segal:Dobson, Dave B., Nobby, Your Friendly Neighborhood Pathologist, Going to be Lit, Captain Emerald L., Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Externally Screaming, But Bethany, I Made Biscuits, Scebo and Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Christina Senatis Teleporting, BRB, definitely not an android, seriously I'm not, The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, The Kiwi Duckling, Dana Dana Bobena FeeFeeFofena, Monsters Almanac's biggest fan, Aubrey and her dad, Tequila Mockingbird, Spweathergoose, Dameron the Space Goblin, Iso Pale, Exquisite Whimsy, I am Lord Zoltan, hear me roar, Pocket Ghost Max, My Cat's Name is Beef, Katie Kate, Get Your Colonoscopy, Victor Cassados, Emily Schmemely, Boho Go Bye Bye for Jojo Pogo, that's a no go bro, Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Nixie, Baby Baten Lee, Charlie Rudel, AK, Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Gandhi, The Wandering Mermaid would like you to know that the little mermaid and the creature from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story.

2:11:43Tess Segal:Lil Stevie Pie, Green Mountain Hermit Bethany, Carl, the Teller of Dad Jokes, Skylab's Multidimensional Multiphasic Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse, Verde Soul, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngun, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Local Marsh Hag, Daniel Knits, Mavis Bacons, Pyro's Calling, The Wizard's Supercalifragilistic Expialidocious, Too Many Jans, says, Things are bad, but we're going to win, Pamela Roselle Tierra. Then Steena says, Thud Tweed, Enigmatic Catbird, Countess of Carbon, Luminous Elk, Rhodian Caution, Love is for the Njerds. Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the surviving crew, it's just Tyson now.

2:12:21Tess Segal:Casper needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O2 tank. Quote says, Joe is the writer's room. Nasty Dog 74 needs crew for ship, Brown Coats okay. Awkward Heretic, Devin 7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northerly Kay, Lost Bassan, you know, the moon prison outside the triad. Kim Sell, Silly Goose Honk Honk, Ad Matha, Ghost Saberwolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Taters Precious, It's Just Steve, RuPaul Atreides, Amanda Short, Chut Brimble, Deidre, Nosaguaro, Ben Bar, Stand Clear of the Closing Doors Please, Beastly Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunged, Ted Wassanasen, Vyrestria, Theosis the Theologian-ish, Fernwood Gal, Nellie G, Twinkle Tots, Phantom's Moms, Callison, It's a Fucking Dog Rapture, Abigail Yodley, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Wind Chimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborne Welsh, Fireball XL5, Mackenzie Duna, Code Stranger, One Betty Bet, ha ha ha ha ha ha, Matt N, Alfie Rivneurum, Frelp, M.

2:13:27Tess Segal:Lin, Feed M 'Fish, J.R.R. on SFP, Jay Spark, Lil' Mira Leopard Paws, Diet Night, Mars Royalty, Mazys Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts Magortz, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Hold it now, hit it, heat it, had it, hoot it, Bradley Ashby, Peter, William Dyer, Vicky Hebert, Jane, Hannah Dale, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Killshot Betty and her Steel-Eyed Bow, Jackie Lowey, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Lily the Planetary Brain, Crazed Bear, Megan the Meg Young, Cory Morose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Jenny Wren, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Araneta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Jeremy Baramy, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Criddle, Twilio, Heidelberti, Rashmi Vinkatesh, McClump, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Dough Mage, Hayward's Finest, Garen Elizondo.

2:14:23Tess Segal:To my little, you'll always be my good girl. You took a piece of my heart and left a paw print on my soul. Till we meet again. Sir Shitzalot strikes again, damn animal. Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Cruisin' B. Anthony, Trick says WHERP! Tibald the First, Allifrog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Titmittens, Courtney the Frogologist, TheFontuckyWrangler, Scrimbrulay, Yay! Aaron! Zuzanna, Celeste Yoss, I'm So Antigone Fun! I'm Ava's Evil Twin Sister Bethany, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, The Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldo Simeone, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Tedds, Corrine Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K-Mac, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny D 'Anomaly, Charmé, K-On with Karma, The Wondrous Methazephan, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Mother of Cats, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King Loves Kathy, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Philomena, Rebecca Trossel, Igpe Atenlay, The Real Fairy Godmother, Mitzi Lu, Kelsey Holm, still Casper's number one fan but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Matt Mosby, Saint Fu, Harry Fishnuts, Astronoweeb, Magnos the Civil Gnome, welcome everybody, I'm Hydealon and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger emotional support group, Starlight, David Pierini, Techno Ranger Rick, Virgo Ares Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Charles Q.

2:16:08Tess Segal:Choi, A Bug Named Nat, CC Rider, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Cockinator, Ron Was Here, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Jess Gioia, Killer Odd, Creator 67, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, SCRB Mark 11, Eric A. Rayborn, Maggie's Yarm, Stew, Anthanomaly, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and L.A., Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal. Fuck Ice. Captain BLEP. Ryan. Evie Power. Terry. PJ Says What? Amelia Lucero et al. Fear Now Doesn't Polish the Shiny Melon. Blargo, Blargo, Blargo. The Jazz Man. Tonight at 11.

2:16:54Tess Segal:Larak the Barbarian S. Hicks Bezzy Mates. Zealous Pragma. Tuba Rick. It's Just Blake. Alice Malice reminds you to take your medication, please. Your health is important. Kelly Jane Dankey, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, aka Casper from Another Universe, Chadney Ashra, Lucrezia, Thornis Animator, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, no not that Ava, the one within...

2:17:22Grim says, rest in peace Jamie Baugh, you are my light and the world is dimmer without you in it.

2:17:28Tess Segal:Zaki Nat, Underwater Corvid, Spizzer Ringdom, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Grawlix and Tarobang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyralis, Om Vega, Coming Soon, Dances with Burritos, Guacked and Loaded, Aaron Mitchell, Lady Keanu Meissen, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R. the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Maloran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Colmy Zen, Colibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler. Uh, attention, Dread Pirate Fred Fredberger, we have run out of languages. Please contact our office. What the Chuck, Sonu Nisuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd VanVores, Nea DeRusso, Peachy Zatoichi, Ingy the Crack and Azula the Brave and their ever faithful squire Grabthar.

2:18:12Tess Segal:Jen Extraneous, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinket Coralie, and Existentially Exhausted Bean.

2:18:23You guys, I had my two colors of highlighter in everything. Oh. Oh. A plus. Go start.

2:18:32Edward Selvey IV:Who says I hate poetry?

2:18:39Oh, no, Frank. Oh, no, Frank. Oh, no, Frank. Oh, no, he died. Oh, no, he died. Oh, no, he died. All right. The field collapses the space within. It does not repel attacks, but rather makes the target effectively non-existent. What does this mean? This dialogue doesn't make any sense. What is all this bullshit about a resonator? Scotty and I were talking about this yesterday because she loves Godzilla. And I love Godzilla. And I said, you know, Scotty, you and I are not the only two kaiju fans involved in this show. Joke kills Croc with basically two kaiju. Where is the cucumber water? It was in the contract.

2:19:23I would have cucumber water. All right. Always up for a mellow hang life. Whoa. Everything he makes somehow involves like BMX bikes or skateboards. And he's always drinking. I understand what it means when extreme is spelled with an X. Always has an energy drink. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know? Oh, yeah. I think a little bit more. I think less screamy and more like just imagine everything he says after everything he says is like, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, yeah, I'm here for you. I'm here for you. You ready? Yeah. Fuck yeah! Okay, great. How do I pronounce this? Yuzinka? Who is Yuzinka?

2:20:08Leeman Kessler:Voon is working on the secret. Secret weapon. It's so secret. It's so, so secret. They're hunting wabbits. I told my agent I wasn't going to do this. I swore I'd never work with a mongo again. Mongos and children, never again. I'm trying to convince her. You're doing a great job. I'm convinced. Kasi's a tough nut to crack. She is, yeah. She makes me so nervous. I know. She's very severe. I'm kind of stressed out. Yeah. I mean, you are at war. Yeah, well, yeah. It brings out emotions. It's very stressful. Might not be said, war is stressful. Y 'all. Yeah, but have you tried moving? Yeah, seriously.

2:21:01Karim Kronfli:I have a line at the bottom of 72. Oh, shit, sorry. Stop trying to take shit from me, Joe. I'm not trying to. Listen, I've got a billion people to keep track of. They told me I was too old to play Fiona. So now here I am in this wheelchair. It wouldn't be a recording session with Tita if I did not ask you to make the sound of you lifting something heavy. I know. I know. So. It's all of our favorite things. He writes the whole script around it. I do. It's true. I'm going to believe that whether or not it's true. Can someone get this cat off of me? All right. Here goes nothing. Phil hits the throttle and the ship takes off.

2:21:47Woohoo. Highway to the danger zone. Danger zone! What do you mean you told them I was a computer-generated voice? Maybe you're the computer-generated voice.