Become a Stable Center of Peace - Oren Sofer & Emily Horn

30:31Hunter Clarke-Fields:For someone who doesn't have much experience or dealing with practicing meditation, maybe this is new, hasn't been able to sit before. What would you say to that person who's saying, okay, I don't want to be panicked for my children. I don't want to be panicked. How can I sit with that and let it pass through me? Well, let's meditate together right now for two or three minutes with everyone and just do it instead of talking about it. Does that sound all right? Sounds good. Yeah. So everyone who's listening, I'll just invite you to sit comfortably or stand comfortably. So it's often helpful to sit or even if you can recline to lie down.

31:16And first, just take a couple deep breaths. So breathe in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth long and slow.

31:35And as you breathe out, Just feel any settling, however subtle or small, in your body.

31:45And then as you do that, see if you can notice the places where your body touches the ground. So feel your feet on the floor. Feel your backside on the chair. If you're reclining, feel the places of your back or your legs that touch the floor.

32:08and see if you can notice the weight of your body, that sense of something heavy or pressing, pushing down.

32:19You can let your body relax, let the muscles and the tissues just kind of soften in your face, your eyebrows, your jaw, the back of your neck. down your shoulders, your arms, your chest and belly, all the way down your legs. And then see if you can feel the support of the ground. There's something solid beneath you. There's something firm and steady.

32:54And you just want to keep tuning into that signal of steadiness, of support. and your heart might be beating fast. You might feel some tension or a kind of shaky feeling in your limbs if you're feeling anxious or stressed or you might feel like tight in your chest. Oh, that's fine. Oh, that's fine. Just letting that be there. And instead, see if you can give more attention to the sensations of your body resting on the ground. the stability of the ground,

33:38and then this gentle rhythm of your body breathing. Just allow your breath to be natural.

33:49And it's like everything that's happening in your mind and body, the thoughts, the sensations, the discomfort, all of that's riding on this gentle wave of the breath.

34:09And so you just keep coming back to these very simple reference points, the body resting on the ground, the rhythm of the breath, and perhaps just the sense of space around you, You sense the space around your body.

34:33Space is open. There's nothing pressing against you right now.

34:42There are no demands being placed on you.

34:49So when we meditate, we don't have to make the fear or the anxiety or the contraction go away. You just hold a space for it. And then when you're ready, you can let your eyes open. Just start to move your body again. And notice the effect. Notice the effect of a few minutes of quiet, of turning your attention inwards.

35:18Hunter Clarke-Fields:Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. I needed that. And it's that simple. sitting and not fighting those sensations, explaining them, letting them be, it creates space. Yeah. And the key is actually, what for some might be counterintuitive, is it's not focusing on the fear or the anxiety or the stress. When we focus on it, it tends to actually amplify and get bigger. So initially, at least initially, the practice is you find some place to rest your attention that's either neutral or even better, slightly soothing. And then you let the uncomfortable sensations be a little bit more in the background. and then very slowly you just start to make space for that by referencing again and again, referencing the sense of wholeness, the sense of stability, the sense of ease, the sense of space, sense of warmth or care.

36:29And what we're doing there is we are strengthening those qualities in our consciousness, in enhancing and increasing those. And in doing so, we are creating a kind of inner crucible to metabolize the fear and the stress and the anxiety.

36:55Hunter Clarke-Fields:I like that. I like that. You know, this podcast, we'll be talking to Emily Horn too, and in the order of the listener, you're hearing it will be Emily is after, but I've actually talked to Emily just previously. And she mentioned that, she mentions that we can be peaceful and anxious at the same time. And I think that's exactly what you're pointing to right here. Like they're both in us and we can choose to kind of bring our attention, water the seeds of peace. we can choose to to be with with all of this and and allow some space for it so yeah I hope that was helpful for you dear listener as it was for me absolutely and so Oren uh you were going to add something but practically would you say as we're going through these times how often might someone practicing?

37:55Yeah. So, you know, I think it's helpful if you can, and we all have different responsibilities in our lives. So you work with what you can, but, you know, it's helpful to just carve out a little bit of time once a day, if you can, 10 minutes, you know, 20 minutes, if you can get that much time away. Many of us are finding all of a sudden with conferences and events being canceled and working from home that all of a sudden it's like, oh, I have a lot more time on my hands. And that in and of itself can be anxiety producing for some, and it could also be a great gift. So if you are finding yourself that you have more time on your hands, you know, using some of that time to settle and calm the mind, I think is great.

38:40It's helpful. But even if that's not available, just 30 seconds, you know, 30 seconds, 10 seconds of making space to be with how you're feeling. If you do that a few times a day, periodically, that can have a very powerful cumulative effect. So it doesn't need to be long, but it's the sincerity that we bring to those moments and the kind of space that we create inside. And the key place people tend to get hung up is the belief that meditation means feeling calm and peaceful. And as Emily will point out in the conversation you have with her, and as we're talking about now, Now, that's not the point.

39:36And the kind of peace that meditation brings is not dependent on having a certain experience. So feeling pleasant feelings is a very tenuous kind of peace because those change and they're not up to us. The kind of peace that's available is actually a much more nourishing and enduring peace. And it's the kind of peace that comes from learning to be okay with whatever's happening. And that's about making space inside and drawing on our resources, these resources of groundedness, kindness, awareness, compassion. And so, again, just to come back to that phrase of making space for how you're feeling.

40:24So whatever's going on to just take a few moments to turn your attention inwards and breathe with it and put your attention somewhere that feels less disruptive, where you can start to have a reference point inside to meet the discomfort of whatever's happening. And then the process unfolds by itself. It's a natural process. Our emotions and moods and feelings are designed to signal information to us about our environment and then to dissipate, to pass on. And it's only because we hold on to them and fight with them that they stick around so long. so if we can create the space to just feel them and let them be they resolve and get integrated on their own

41:25Hunter Clarke-Fields:Amen, we need to remember this Thank you, thank you, thank you, Oren So dear listener, if you're looking for some resources I know that both myself and Oren have guided meditations on the free Insight Timer app there are some free guided meditations at mindfulmamamentor.com under resources and Oren I imagine you have some more to offer here as well yeah yeah my website orenjsopher.com has a whole audio page with a ton of free meditations and as I said earlier starting starting this coming week I'll be offering free live stream meditations once a week at different times. And if you just, if you follow me on social media at orange a sofer on whatever platform you like to use, I'll be announcing those and you can, you can tune in during your day.

42:18And so you can see dear listener, how this is very much at the heart of your parenting,

42:24Hunter Clarke-Fields:because as you can make your heart more spacious for whatever you're holding, then you can become that force of stability for your kids too, which is a beautiful thing to offer in this inter, very interconnected world. Oh, so interconnected. Don't we know it? Absolutely. Thank you so much, Oren. Yeah, it's a pleasure. Emily, thanks so much for coming on the Mindful Mama podcast. Thank you for having me. It's great to be here. These are weird days, aren't they? That's one way to describe them. Yeah, for sure. Yes. So I know for me, my two daughters are 13 and 10, and they are, you know, school is canceled, and they are home, and my classes, I was teaching an intro to mindfulness class, is canceled.

43:20Hunter Clarke-Fields:My retreat is postponed. You know, all these things are postponed. My 13-year-old's birthday party is postponed. so our lives that you know we're we went on some hikes today it's kind of slowed down it's it's an interesting time how is this whole time affecting you and your family oh yeah I mean it's definitely affecting me and my family and so many other people in this world um you know we are not quite um in the pro you know we haven't where I am I'm in Asheville North Carolina we haven't closed schools yet but we are definitely doing the self-quarantine for the benefit of all people around us.

43:55And so we have a kid four and a half years old, Xander, he's home all the time now. So it definitely has put us into a new schedule and a new routine. And we're trying to figure out, you know, how we are going to stay sane in this chaos. You know, how do we do that? And why is that important?

44:13Hunter Clarke-Fields:Yeah, I saw, I saw a really nice statement about the idea of what's happening, that this whole idea that we're all going into this self quarantine and the sort of like physical isolation kind of thing is this real act of solidarity actually come from humanity. And I really love thinking of it that way as we are coming together in solidarity to help those of us who are most vulnerable and to help our medical systems. And I just love, I just love that way of thinking of it. So we all, it's kind of the, the difficulties all spread out as far as for all of us in so many ways. Yeah, we're definitely in this together.

44:51And, And one of the things that just keeps replaying in my mind is for those of us that have kids and have seen Frozen 2, there's this point where, you know, everything goes crazy and they're exiting the castle and they're trying to figure out, oh my gosh, the magic's been unlocked in the forest. And Olaf has this scene, the little snowman, and all the kids are like putting like little jewels and things on him. And he's like, I call this controlling when everything is out of control, something like that. And I think that's what we're all trying to figure out is like, what is in our control and what is not in our control?

45:23And how do we work with that? Because when things get so chaotic, then of course our nervous systems go on alert and it's like, okay, what do we do? You know, when our nervous systems are on alert and that's just the reality of things and we're home with our kids.

45:38Hunter Clarke-Fields:Yeah. Yeah. So, and our kids are looking for us to be this, they get our, their sense of security from us. So when our nervous systems are on alert, I mean, I mean, actually, the virus itself just shows how ultimately incredibly interconnected we are. We can't escape it. It's amazing. You know, the podcast I put out about, you know, staying home with kids on Friday. It's it's, you know, helpful. We know that chronic mouth breathing is bad and kids. It can be associated with restless sleep, daytime moodiness, behavior challenges, health concerns. we want ourselves and our kids to be breathing through our noses at night we're thinking about food we're thinking about movement outdoor time screen time bedtime routines this is an important part of thinking about our health is thinking about what's happening when we're sleeping and a lot of parents don't realize that their kids are sleeping with their mouths open there's a simple low-tech answer for this for families who care about healthy rhythms and nasal breathing and just being more intentional about your sleep habit.

46:44Hunter Clarke-Fields:Muzzle sleep tape is sleep tape that helps keep your mouth closed at night. So you'll breathe through your nose. And unlike many solid strip mouth tapes that fully cover the lips, Muzzle has this patented breathe safe center opening. So it's designed to be just gently stretched over the mouth. And there's this large center opening and it's more, I find it more approachable for us as parents because it doesn't completely seal the mouth and it still allows room to talk and cough and sneeze and drink water. So if you want to support nasal breathing, you want to be more intentional about sleep, if you want a simple tool for both parents and kids, muzzle sleep tape is perfect for you.

47:25Hunter Clarke-Fields:When kids sleep poorly, the whole family can feel it the next day. Muzzle sleep tape is a simple answer. Go to muzzlesleep.com and use the code mindful mama for 10 % off. That's muzzlesleep.com promo code mindful mama for people in Hungary for right now, like they're thanking me. It's crazy. And it's, it makes a lot of sense, but this, this interconnection and the way we affect each other. And for me, that's why it was so important for me to reach out to you, um, you know, a, a teacher at the Spirit Rock Meditation Center and Insight Meditation Society teacher and mom to help us remember also that we can become and we can practice to become sort of a stable center of peace.

48:15Hunter Clarke-Fields:And so I know it's kind of a lot to jump from like, oh my gosh, our nervous systems are going crazy and we have this fear and but we can all we also have i i think of it the way um that zen master tic not han teaches it that we have these seeds inside us and that we have both we have the seeds of fear and we have the seeds of peace so this conversation is specifically to to water those water those seeds of peace yeah water those States of Peace and Tid Nhat Hanh also has he has a story about being you know like all these refugees being on a boat and if one person out of that boat can be that center of peace then it affects everyone and that's when we're in a family system that is you know what we are aiming for is to be that center of peace so that our mirror neurons don't get activated because our kids are gonna like you said pick up on that and we have this negativity bias right that's super charged right now because we have so much input coming at us that is mostly fear-based in some ways and valid in other ways.

49:19And so it's like, how do we continue to move that negativity bias in another direction? And I found that I have to get the support of my family. And then I also have to enroll my kid in that. It's not just all up to me. You know, my kid has to get involved in this process as well. So there's little things that, you know, we have started to do to try to move that negativity bias and center and stabilize. And one thing is, you know, just saying thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And, you know, Xander would take a turn. Thank you. Then I'll say thank you. And then my husband, thank you. And it's like, yes, can we just take these moments and just remember that, you know, no matter who you are, no matter where you are, there is going to be something that we can be grateful for.

50:03And that alone will start to, you know, our sympathetic nervous systems will start to align with that and settle. And then what's happening now, what's happening now over and over and over again. It's never the same. Each moment is different.

50:18Hunter Clarke-Fields:Yeah. That's exactly the other day, you know, as all this stuff was hitting me, as I was realizing I had to, you know, had to postpone my retreat. I had to deal with, you know, all kinds of things happening and, and, and all the, you know, learning, all that catch catching up. And I could feel my system in this fight, flight, or freeze anxiety, stress response. And that, as I was driving my daughters somewhere, I can't remember where we were. I just said, let's do a round of gratitudes. What are you grateful for right now? What are you grateful for? Let's, we all went in a circle and shared it three times around just because, and it just helped to shift, helped to change and just start watering those other seeds.

51:03Hunter Clarke-Fields:It makes a huge difference. It does make a huge difference. And I think that's the name of the game right now is like, what can we do to stabilize, stabilize, stabilize so that we can sense into a possibility that we might not have sensed into before? Because in times like this, I really do see that there is a potential for creativity, for something new to emerge when we can sit poised in chaos, so to speak. All right. Awesome. So a potential for creativity, a potential to be present, a potential to just to take some respite from the worry and etc. So the holidays mean more travel, more shopping, more time online, and more personal info in more places that could expose you more to identity theft.

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52:13Hunter Clarke-Fields:What are some of the things that we can do to practice peace? And I know that you are a meditation, a mindfulness teacher. I know that is that is part of it for you. So I'd love to talk about that, but also other things. What comes to mind as I ask that question? You know, one of the things that comes to mind too, and just these times when we're talking about peace is like just remembering our expectations can get in the way sometimes and just relaxing around what expectations that we might have for ourself and what that might look like, the peace. Because as we really deepen in our practice, you know, our complexity, the way that we hold complexity can change.

52:56And there's an ability that we can be peaceful and anxious or peaceful and happy and sad. So there's a majority of people that think, okay, I'm either happy or sad or it's peaceful or it's not peaceful. So to just leave the room for the possibility that maybe things can start to quiet, things can start to settle, and there's enough space for whatever is happening to be okay the way that it is within that space, that we don't have to necessarily change it, but that our job is to be with it, to be steady with it, and to remember that, yes, we're going to go through contractions, and it's going to get hard.

53:33It's going to get hard. And then we're going to expand because it's not always contracted. So to really just pay attention to the expectations, do we think that it always needs to be expanded? Do you think we always need to be happy? Or do we think we always need to be a certain way? Because it's just not everything is going to be different right now and we have to leave room for our expectations for ourselves and for our kids and our families to change right now.

53:58Hunter Clarke-Fields:I love what you're saying because I do think that we are hard on ourselves for when we are, especially if we've been practicing meditation for a little while or practice in the past, that we are hard on ourselves for when we do feel anxious. I'm not supposed to be like this because I have these tools and I love this possibility you're offering that we can be anxious and peaceful. Like those are both within us at the same time. This is not something necessarily we have to fix. There's nothing wrong with you. Yes. From a big, from certain perspective, there is nothing wrong right now. Everything is okay.

54:35And then from another perspective, from our personal sense of self, I mean, there's a lot of chaos and there's a lot of confusion and a lot of uncertainty. And so it really calls it into question, everything into question and ask us, you know, how do we deal with uncertainty? Can we rest back into that there is a wisdom that can arise here with this? Like when our kids get bored, are we okay being bored? Are we okay with our kids being bored? You know, because we need to be able to be with whatever it is. And boredom is one of the hardest things I think sometimes, because that's that moment where there's nothing, we feel like there's nothing to do.

55:18And then what do we do? We pick up our phones and like read the news and then we get anxious again. And then the cycle starts again. So it's like, okay, can I relax into these moments where, you know, there is, what am I going to do? And my kid's screaming, I'm so bored. And it's like, well, yeah, okay. That's where things can be revealed that we haven't seen before. I mean, that's when that imaginary game pops up that, oh, I didn't think about that. That's cool. Yeah.

55:43Hunter Clarke-Fields:One of the best responses to I'm bored is my favorite, favorite one ever comes from Kim Payne, who wrote Simplicity Parenting. He said, you just say to your child on repeat, there's something to do right around the corner. And if they say, no, but there's not, there's something to do right around the corner. You become so boring yourself, they go off and find something to do. And yes, there's a lot of often a lot of creativity on the other side of that. My, we do a screen-free Sunday in our house and we're still going to do it. And, and our kids sometimes complain and then the most creative projects happen on Sunday.

56:23Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

56:26Hunter Clarke-Fields:So how, how do you deal with uncertainty? And, And as we ask ourselves that question, we want to remember that we're modeling in every moment, right? We're modeling how to deal with uncertainty for our kids. What, as when uncertainty has come up for you in this month, in these days, how have you been dealing with Emily? Yeah, you know, it's, it's the little things, you know, it's, it's really, like I said, you know, stabilizing is one of the key things right now for, for me and for a lot of people. so you know taking breaths when I'm able to take breaths if you're really anxious breathing you know paying attention to your breath might not be where you go but there's the breathing and then looking at the sky just simply you know if you're able to take a walk and get in touch with nature you know that's those are the things that I'm doing and then you know another thing with uncertainty too is that it seems to our thresholds change and so I've noticed that when you know things get stressful, especially because it's uncertain and there's a certain level of stress there, that little things start to get to me that don't normally get to me.

57:36Like maybe, you know, my son is like grabbing onto me more like normal. He's doing it like normal, but it feels like it's more than I can take at that moment. And so it's like just being able to communicate, hey, honey, I'm touched out right now. I feel like it's really important to give us as, you know, as adult space and communicate that we need space so that that ability to relax, even in just little moments, can support us when that uncertainty really does come up and shows like rears its head. Because, you know, really, it is all uncertain all the time. This is just highlighting it.

58:16Hunter Clarke-Fields:I know it's true I think that we just forget about the essential uncertainty of being alive here on earth this is the truth is that any of us could kick it tomorrow it's totally true and and and this is just bringing that into reality and the those you know in the art world and in paintings we call those memento moris reminders of death and this in some ways is this reminder of uncertainty of death. And for me, I never saw those as grim. I always see those as like, oh, wow, I'm alive. Like, yes, I'm alive right now. I have to live my life. Yeah. And that's really beautiful because it does bring us in touch with being alive, which brings us in touch with being interconnected and that we're all in this together and that we're sitting in solidarity um like you said before it it um these are the times that we practice for you know the you know we know they're coming or i knew they were coming you know it's like we can't sit here and ignore certain things forever in our collective and there are going to be moments where they come to light and this is one of those times where okay we all have to get real with a lot of things that it's a wake-up call and if i continue to view it like that then it's like, okay, what is it now?

59:39What's happening right now that I can respond to bit by bit by bit?

59:46Hunter Clarke-Fields:So I want to ask you a little bit about some of the habits that you might be, practical habits you might be employing to kind of keep your stability in this time of uncertainty. And before you do that, I just want to share some of mine that I've noticed that really have helped. Definitely, you mentioned getting outside, getting in nature. I noticed I had a lot of anxiety after I went to the library with my kids, just the whole process of the hand sanitizer at every moment and all that stuff. And I took myself out for a run because I know that really is helpful for me. And I went out into the woods.

1:00:24Hunter Clarke-Fields:I'm making it a practice. I'm keeping my daily meditation, but I'm also making it a practice to hold my regular boundaries around my screens. I don't have Facebook on my phone. I am checking it a lot more now on my computer, but I will wait in the morning until I've gotten up. I've done my meditation. I've washed my face. I've had my coffee. I've eaten my breakfast. There's a good amount of time before I'm going to look at the news. And then again, at the other end of the day, I'm not looking at my email. I'm not looking at Facebook. I'm not looking at anything after five o 'clock in the evening.

1:01:01Hunter Clarke-Fields:And just so I can bookend my day, you know, we watched Knives Out, which is great and hilarious last night. And I recommend it, you know, good, funny movies are great, but just bookending my day with the boundaries around taking some of this stuff in, which I highly recommend that you do, dear listener, give, give yourself boundaries, give yourself time to be with you before you, before you go and engage with what's happening in the world, even in this time. So that's what I'm doing. And I'd love to hear what, for you, what kind of habits are you employing to stay stable and grounded? Yeah, those are all great.

1:01:41And I follow some of those as well. So I highly recommend them. And another thing is to, like I said before, I do the best when I'm home with my kid a lot to enroll my kid in these things too. And so there are times where, you know, things can just feel like we're in that contraction. It's like, we're just bouncing off each other and I can just feel myself getting more and more anxious or angry or frustrated or whatever that is. And in those moments when I can remember, it's like, we have this little simple meditation that we do out loud that's mindfulness based. And it's, it's, you know, it's really simple.

1:02:16We do it. It's like, there is hearing, there is seeing, there is touching, there is tasting. So you can, you know, expand that to include, you know, body sensations and thinking and emotions. It just gives that moment of pause. And of course, you know, my kid who's four and a half, you know, I can not just at home, we've done this for a while, you know, driving in the car sometimes, you know, he'll get anxious because somebody, you know, cuts us off and he sees that and he's like, there is fear, mama there is fear so it's just a way to help them also because it's out loud to kind of ground and we connect in a way that's like oh yeah you have fear I have fear that's right you know that's this common this is everyone has this and then it doesn't stay long we also see the transient nature of our emotions and our sensations and a reality like that you know it'll arise and pass and wow you were scared two seconds ago and now look we're happy we're laughing it's um it goes through these natural ebbs and flows that if we can become more familiar with and okay with, then back to the expectations, we can loosen around those and know that, yes, this too shall pass and we can do this.

1:03:28We can do this.

1:03:31Hunter Clarke-Fields:I like that one. That's a great way to share that with your child. How much does he know about what's going on? He knows there's a big bug, that there's a big bug and it's affecting everyone because he's four and a half so he knows that because he knows that he needs to follow all the things about you know sneezing in your elbow and the hand sanitizer and and so he gets that and he gets that it's affecting people all over the world and that um you know he's not gonna be able to see his friends for a while and that's hard for him so yeah but overall he he um he's doing well with it we all are it's hard with a four and a half year old we can't exactly ask them not to touch their friends when they're that age yes and that's one of the reasons we chose to do the self-seclusion because we're like you know our kid is not controllable so but we can control keeping him at home and we're very privileged and lucky to be able to do that right now yeah so um so I know it's early you may not have gotten into sort of your schedule with you and your partner and your child all at home have any thoughts on what's coming up for that?

1:04:41Hunter Clarke-Fields:Well, we've made our schedule. We did that. That was one of the first things. And we've, we definitely have it blocked off. Like Xander has his schedule and he knows what his is. And then hours overlaps and there's time for work, you know, my work, there's time for my husband's work. And then he, he has time for, and then we switch it off and then, you know, he's got time for academic stuff and then he's got creative play and he's got outside time and we have it all kind of marked off. He knows what time is what and free time. We're being pretty rigid with that because what I found is that, you know, I've done a lot of retreat practice, like two month long retreats and one month long retreats.

1:05:19And, and what I found when things are, um, when we have to do like self-quarantine or any of this stuff, it is similar to a retreat. It does make me think of a retreat. And I've done a lot of life, what we call life retreats in the past, where we turn our lives into a retreat. And so that's kind of how I'm viewing this right now, is that we're going into a family life retreat. And we're going to stick to the structure, because when things do get uncertain, when things do get anxious, when we will get frustrated with each other, we can fall back on that schedule and say, well, look, honey, you know, from nine to 10, we are going to walk, that's what we're going to do.

1:05:56And we don't really have to negotiate that, like, this is what's going going to be happening. There's some choice in there. Like maybe we won't walk today. Maybe we'll do a dance party. But, you know, the, you know, the general sense is that there is something like the structure that can support us in a way that we don't have to, our minds don't have to go so many different places that just create extra stress.

1:06:20Hunter Clarke-Fields:Kind of that structure is sort of taking place of the structure that you might have of a preschool or et cetera, of all the different things in our lives. That sounds really smart. So meditation and mindfulness for parents, what does it do for us? How can it help us draw on our own piece and cultivate it a little bit more?

1:06:49I think that's what it's all about. I think that's what it's all about. Meditation and mindfulness supports us in being present. And when we're present, we're able to respond in a way that we might not have been able to before. And through that presence, that's when the heart comes alive. And when the heart's here, we make different choices. We make different choices when our heart is online. And then it's not so scary because the heart is vast and spacious. And when equanimity comes in, that ability to really stand poised and chaos and to know that no matter what, like a tsunami could come through the door and we could really stare it down and be okay, then that really enables us to, it empowers us and empowers us to take care of each other, to make different decisions and to create something new.

1:07:42And that can be our small local community, and then that can be our state, and that can be our country, and that can be our world. Without those little pockets of people really up to it, really dedicated to it through the ebbs and the flows, I don't know. It would just be, it would be so much harder. And why do that? That's what the whole Buddhist psychology is all about, and I've trained in the Buddhist wisdom tradition. It's like, why create more suffering for ourselves than need be? We already are going to get sick. We're already are going to die. There's things that we can't control, but yet we can look at ourselves.

1:08:23We can stabilize. We can see how our thoughts affect our emotions, how our emotions and thoughts affect our bodies. We can breathe through this and we can, we can live into a different world.

1:08:37Hunter Clarke-Fields:Amen. I love that. And so if this is not, If this is not something that has been a long, many years practice for you, dear listener, there are ways to practice. There are ways to start practicing. It's not going to be that rainbow sparkly unicorns come flying out of your nose as you practice, but you are going to strengthen a muscle of peace. The way I look at it, and I wonder if you agree, Emily, is that we, in our core of cores, in our heart of hearts, we are this, we have this center of peace. We know we're interconnected. We know that we are this vast spaciousness. We have this center of peace.

1:09:22Hunter Clarke-Fields:And why we don't often feel that is because we have a nervous system. And we also have layers of strategies and things that we've put on that have helped us survive. But underneath all of that, it's there. It's that vast center of peace is there. And, and it's just a matter of, of allowing it in some ways. It is a matter of allowing it and to, to give ourselves permission to sense into that. Um, and really watching when you were talking, I just kept thinking, you know, really watching these thoughts that get thoughts to arise and pass, like not all, like what our relationship to thinking is really important to look at these days.

1:10:05Doll's like, I can't do this. I'm not enough. This is never going to end. I, you know, sometimes when we get really anxious or maybe overwhelmed, it's like, this is too much for me. And all of these, you know, like Byron Katie says, is this true? Is this true? Because we are really strong, actually. We are all really strong. We're all really fierce. We all have much more capacity than we give ourselves credit for. So just to remember over and over again that, yes, you know, we've got this, you've got this. And there is a capacity for love that's beyond our cognitive understanding. And that cognitive mind is sometimes what really gets in the way.

1:10:55Yeah.

1:10:56Hunter Clarke-Fields:Yeah. And so those thoughts are something that we can deal with. Those thoughts of, I can't do this, blah, blah, blah. You know, that you can say to yourself, thinking. You can say to yourself, worrying. You can say to yourself, oh, hello, worrying. I see you there. I got you there. You know, I see you there and I'm going to then refocus in the here and the now in what is real. So for me, a practice that really helps me refocus when my thoughts are rumining is I say to myself, okay, I am here. And it's like a little gotha breathing in, I am breathing out here. And I look around me and I see where I am and where I am And 100 % of the time I've ever asked myself that is safe and stable and there's beauty in it.

1:11:49Hunter Clarke-Fields:And that really helps to redirect me. Yeah, that's great. I always, one of my go-tos is what is happening right now? Like what is happening right now? What is happening right now? And it changes, you know, we can't, what is happening right now is different than the next moment. And that is important to keep remembering in these times. Emily, I really appreciate you sharing your time with us. So last minute, I had to, I ended up scrapping all of my podcasting plans and asking some friends to come and help me and Emily. And I really appreciate you doing that. Do you, do you have any final words and thoughts for the listener as we go through this upended time together?

1:12:40you know just just that we are in this together like we really really are in this together and sometimes when we go into self-quarantine or when they're anxious we get into this tunnel vision and we feel like we're not so anything that we can do right now to remember that there are people in this world that care you know like Mr. Rogers says look for the helpers and so So, you know, just remember, you know, keep looking for those helpers. You are a helper yourself. If you're listening to this, you are dedicated to mindfulness practice. You are mindful. You are aware. And you are one of the people that are going to change this world.

1:13:22And so I so, so appreciate that. And we need you. And thank you. Thank you so much, Emily.

1:13:32Hunter Clarke-Fields:Yeah, thank you.

1:13:37Hunter Clarke-Fields:Thank you so much for listening. I hope that this episode has was helpful for you. If you've found it helpful, please, of course, subscribe and share it with your friends. Share it around. Word of mouth is the best way that we share this at the Mindful Mama podcast. I really know how important it is you know that these choices that we make how the choice you makes it affects me as you create more peace in yourself you do create peace for all of us you don't need to be afraid of your fear it's just an energy moving through we are strong we can be with this and I love that idea we can be peaceful and anxious at the same time and I just said it's idea, but it's more than that.

1:14:23Hunter Clarke-Fields:It's a truth. And you can experience that truth in your body. And as you do, you touch into that vastness, which is who you really are. So I wish you peace. I wish you moments of joy. And I wish you many funny movies and lots of exercise and fresh air. And I will be back with you next week. Thank you so much for listening. Namaste. I'd say definitely do it. It's really helpful. It will change your relationship with your kids for the better. It will help you communicate better. And just, I'd say communicate better as a person, as a wife, as a spouse. It's been really a positive influence in our lives.

1:15:06So definitely do it. I'd say definitely do it. It's so worth it. The money really is inconsequential when you get so much benefit from being a better parent to your children and feeling like you're connecting more with them and not feeling like you're yelling all the time or you're like, why isn't things working? I would say definitely do it. It's so, so worth it. It'll change you. No matter what age someone's child is, it's a great opportunity for personal growth and it's great investment in someone's family. I'm very thankful I have this. You can continue in your are old habits that aren't working or you can learn some new tools and gain some perspective to shift everything in your parenting.

1:15:55Hunter Clarke-Fields:Are you frustrated by parenting? Do you listen to the experts and try all the tips and strategies, but you're just not seeing the results that you want? Or are you lost as to where to start? Does it all seem so overwhelming with too much to learn? Are you yearning for community people who get it, who also don't want to threaten and punish to create cooperation? Hi, I'm Hunter Clark Fields, and if you answered yes to any of these questions, I want you to seriously consider the Mindful Parenting membership. You will be joining hundreds of members who have discovered the path of mindful parenting and now have confidence and clarity in their parenting.

1:16:36Hunter Clarke-Fields:This isn't just another parenting class. This is an opportunity to really discover your unique, lasting relationship, not only with your children, but with yourself. It will translate into lasting, connected relationships, not only with your children, but your partner too. Let me change your life. Go to mindfulparentingcourse.com to add your name to the waitlist, so you will be the first to be notified when I open the membership for enrollment. I look forward to seeing you on the inside. MindfulParentingCourse.com.

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