Best of Mindful Mama 2025

0:00We are closing out 2025 with the most loved, most transformative episodes of the Mindful Mama podcast. In this special best of compilation, we are going to revisit five unforgettable conversations from this year that inspired parents to bring more calm and compassionate connection into daily life. Welcome to the Mindful Mama podcast. Here, it's about becoming a less irritable, more joyful parent. At Mindful Mama, we know that you cannot give what you do not have. And when you have calm and peace within, then you can give it to your children. I'm your host, Hunter Clark-Fields. I help smart, thoughtful parents stay calm so they can have strong, connected relationships with their children.

0:45I've been practicing mindfulness for over 25 years. I'm the creator of the Mindful Parenting course and teacher training, and I'm the author of the international bestseller, Raising Good Humans, Raising Good Humans Every Day, and the Raising Good Humans Guided Journal. so we are going to start with number five and move down to number one so we are going to start with drumroll please episode 530 how to talk to our girls with kathy kasani adams and you'll hear a clip of this and you're going to hear how girls are struggling and they need us to support them And how do we do that? We do that by talking to them.

1:29And we're going to talk about how to build trusting relationships with your girls. So check out this bit of this episode.

1:43If you're a nurse or future nurse, you know how challenging and rewarding this career can be. Hi there. I'm Nurse Mo, creator of the Straight A Nursing Podcast. I'd love for you to join me every Thursday as I teach nursing concepts and share tips to help you succeed in school and at the bedside. Each episode breaks down often complex information so it's easy to understand, so you can feel more confident whether you're taking an exam or taking care of patients. So subscribe to the Straighten Nursing Podcast, and I'll see you on Thursday. And one of the biggest things from 12 to 25 years old is my parent doesn't get me.

2:24They don't know me. They think they know me. They tell me who to be. They tell me what they think I should do. They tell me what they think I'm capable of, but they don't know me. And so then that kid never really has those kind of fun, interactive conversations because they're like, yeah, I'm just going to be what my parent thinks I need to be in front of them. I'll play the role and then go be with my friends and other people who really do know me. So it's a loss if we don't recognize this. Yeah, that's heartbreaking. Okay, so back to that sort of parent that's been stuck maybe in an adversarial relationship.

2:58You mentioned it, Jess, in the way you responded to me. I think probably like one thing that might be a step would be to start with an apology. This has been hard recently. Talking has been hard. I'm sorry. I mean, you might apologize for whatever you've brought to that. And we probably brought something to it if we've been in a really tough place. I imagine. Yeah. Taking ownership for our own energy and being like, I've always thought when I've been in stuck places with my girls that I've wanted to be a little more creative. Like if I'm noticing that, you know, cause they do go through phases where they don't talk as much.

3:35Like we can't depend on long conversations all the time. It's not, I don't want to set up something that people think they're going to fail, you know, or they're like, well, my kid's not really talking that much. So what are creative ways? Like there was a mom and a daughter, she was 16 at the time who were really struggling and they knew it and they were open about it. Like, we know we're both struggling. This isn't a, you know, a secret between either of us. And they came up with the, you know, they're like, okay, we have our days where we're kind of frustrated, but every night that we're home together, let's go outside and watch the sun go down together and just do something that has nothing to do with anything.

4:10It's just something they both appreciated. Then they'd look at the stars. They'd talk about something different and it wouldn't be this contentious mom-daughter thing. It was more like, let's try and do this as much as we can. Busy lives, they couldn't do it every night, but that was when they started to kind of not dislike each other anymore, where they're like, this is something we do together and we enjoy this. And just a level, you're demonstrating a level of commitment as a parent to say, I will do different things to reach you. Because too many moms or dads come to me and say, well, I'm just done with my kid.

4:47I don't get it. I don't want to dig into this. They're disrespectful. I'm done. They're not really done, but it's their version of checking out. And I do think that there's this myth we have that it's okay if our kids hate us. Let's just let them hate us. And then when they get to be 25 or something, they'll come back and thank us because we held the line and we were such good parents and they couldn't see it. A, that could happen, but it may not. And B, you missed all these years. when you could have been a support system for them and they could have been a source of joy and connection for you.

5:25And then how does that harm them in the long run that they weren't connected to their parents? Okay, that was number five. I hope you liked that. Number four was right next to Sora and my dog is licking my daughter's face. Number four is How to Help Anxious Kids with Anna Housley-Jester, number 531. Anna Housley-Jester is a licensed child and adolescent mental health clinician. And we talked about her awesome book, How to Train Your Amygdala, which I love so much. So you're gonna hear us talk about seeing the lion in this clip.

6:09A lot of times in my practice, I'll see parents that are pretty anxious working with their kids, trying to help their kids when they're anxious. And if everybody's anxious, it's basically everyone's amygdala in a battle with everyone else's amygdala. Yeah, because that's all unspoken language that you can feel. You know, you can feel your amygdala. It's like we think it's just about the words we say, but 70 % of our communication is nonverbal, right? So it's all of these things that we can feel. We can feel each other's emotion. Yeah, it's true. And I think sometimes I try to use visual analogies to try to help people think about that.

6:48So for example, the amygdala is designed to protect us from threat and danger, death, basically. It's part of our survival instinct. So imagine if a lion is charging at your child. The child is anxious about something. They don't want to go to school that day. You're saying, you're thinking it's just school. What's the big deal? You know, you've done this before. I didn't have a problem going to school when I was a child. Right, all the things that might come into a parent's head. Your sister goes to school, no problem. And none of that is recognizing the lion. The child's brain thinks there's a lion charging at it.

7:28If you dismiss it completely and you don't see the lion, what's the message to the child? Now I'm in real danger because the child thinks that they're not being believed. And I also think that the person who would be the number one protector from an evolutionary standpoint, the primary caregiver, doesn't see it. that's extra scary because now it's like i'm doing this by myself i'm surviving by myself if you go to the child cry with them come into a ball align with the worry the other that message is we're both about to be attacked by this lion and that's also scary to the child because that doesn't feel protective at all i try to encourage adults teachers and parents and i this by the way is a constant practice in myself like i say these things to parents all day long and i'm on podcast talking about it and i and i promise you i don't always manage to do this but ideally you're sitting somewhat distant from the child, like with some space, confident that the child is going to be able to cope, but recognizing the lion.

8:49I see the lion, and I know you're going to be able to cope with this. And then ideally, they have some strategies in which that they can do that with, right? All right. We are moving on to number three, the third most popular episode of 2025. And my daughter is here helping me out and the dog. The third most popular episode of 2025. is Modeling Regulation and Managing Overwhelm with Michelle Grosser, episode 550. And we're going to talk about simple tools to manage overwhelm and to co-regulate during tough moments and to support kids through big emotions.

9:34We've read the books, we've listened to the podcast, we have the scripts, like all these things, and those are awesome. And if we are not regulated in our nervous system, we'll find that we're just frustrated, right? Because we know the things and we can't put them into practice because ultimately our nervous system is running the show, not us. So learning how to regulate our nervous system. That's it. That's it. Preach, girlfriend. Yeah, I know. It was so frustrating. I remember being at a place of like, I know now that I should have responded to my kid this way. Yet I couldn't because I was dysregulated, right?

10:10I knew what I should have said. Why didn't I just say the thing? And you can't because your nervous system is just hijacking your body and your brain. So it has to be, has to be, has to be number one. It's so important. So then what are some of the signs that a parent who may not be so tuned into what's happening with their nervous system that that system is dysregulated for them. Yeah. So I think before we're even aware of the outward signs, I think it's really important for us to become aware of the inward signs, right? What are our somatic cues? How does our body tell us that we're starting to get activated before we're in full-blown, I don't know, Hulk mode or shutdown or whatever it feels like in the moment?

10:54You know, like when we're kids, we're taught we have five senses. We actually have more than five senses, right? We have a sense called interoception, which is actually the sensations of our body. And when we can start growing an awareness of how our body communicates, okay, we're starting to get frustrated here. We're starting to get annoyed. We're starting to get angry. We're starting to get anxious. If we can notice when our body starts to tell us that, then we can actually use the tools that we have to help us come back to a regulated state before we feel like we're so far gone. So noticing your somatic cues.

11:29I know for me, when I'm starting to feel stressed or overwhelmed or a dysregulated state, the first thing that happens is that my jaw clenches, right? My tongue is pressed to the roof of my mouth. I wake up, my jaw just kind of feels sore. I have tension in my shoulders and my neck and I kind of like wear them up by my ears all day long and I'm just going about it. I'll start to feel like a tightness in my stomach, like kind of like a pit. I don't really have much of an appetite. Even my tone of voice will change. Like when I'm starting to get really frustrated with my kids, I'll like start speaking really slowly.

12:05What your shoes on, right? Like I can feel all of that happening. And we all have somatic cues. They're different. So just starting to notice what yours are. For me, that's my little red flag. Like, okay, Michelle, you need to regulate. Like you got to go use the tools that you have to bring yourself to a place before you snap or check out or what have you. So that's first. And then I think some cues that we are dysregulated or ways that it shows up. It depends on which circuit of our nervous system we're operating in. So if we're in the fight or flight response or sympathetic nervous system, that might look like feeling really edgy and irritable and kind of snappy.

12:43Those moments where everything kind of feels annoying and no one seems to be helping and we can lose it in an instant. Someone looks at us sideways and we're snapping at them. Maybe it's a lot of anxiety. Maybe you're feeling like you're stuck in this scarcity mindset where there's not enough help and there's not enough time and there's too much to do and it's really overwhelming. Those are all signs we're busy all the time. Those are all signs we're in our fight or flight response. Okay, we are getting down to it. Now we are at the second most popular episode of 2025 and that is episode 536, Siblings, How to Cultivate Great Sibling Relationships with Jonathan Caspi.

13:24This was such a fascinating episode. I think it was so interesting to learn about the impact of birth order and the surprising findings about sibling differences. And, you know, it's just full of practical strategies. So if you have more than one kid or know someone has more than one kid, you should send them this episode because it was so good. Jonathan Caspi, episode 536.

13:53How do you address it if one sibling gets upset and says, I hate my younger sister? It's a good question. There are going to be those moments. And, you know, sometimes the, as you said, the person you never had a choice in being in your life is somebody that you don't particularly share interest with or has a very different personality. But more often it's, it's related to feeling like the presence of your sibling is either overshadowing yours, right? That there's some favoritism that's happening. And so that sibling makes you look bad or is winning parental favor. And sometimes it's that the person that's hated is able to get away with things.

14:31So it's like a violation of boundaries and personal space. They go in and borrow the sweater without asking, or they share a private moment publicly that's supposed to be kept private within the family. And those feel like violations. And this builds up this feeling of like, I really dislike this person. It doesn't have to be a permanent state of affairs to feel like you're always in that place. And so, you know, what I tell parents is that when kids say things like that, you have to take it seriously. And actually, not in the heat of the moment, not when kids are like really heated up, but, you know, to come back after they've calmed down a little bit and said, can we talk about that?

15:06That's a really powerful statement. And, you know, I don't think that you want to hate your sibling and I certainly don't want you to hate each other. So tell me what you think is going on. And to be open to feedback that your child might say, well, because you guys favor him or her more. And I hate that. And not to go, no, no, no, I love you all the same. And dismiss it. Because if you dismiss it, it only makes them feel even more like an outsider. They won't want to tell you more. Exactly. So take it seriously and treat it like it's real. And I'm not saying if it's a one-time explosion and it's super dramatic, you can let that go.

15:41But if it seems to be like you're hearing it regularly and something's up, right? And so why not put it on the table and really try to understand it and not try to rationalize the child out of it? Like, well, it's just because you don't understand, right? It's, you know, actually listen to what they're saying. And, you know, from your warning earlier, like there could be stuff going on. Like this is the relationship in which it's maybe most likely to be happening. So let's, you know, be open to understanding as uncomfortable as that may make us feel. I guess I would say like if someone said, the kid said to me like, I hate my younger sister, I guess I would just validate that or empathize with that first.

16:20Like, wow, you're so mad right now. You're really frustrated with them. Right. And just then see kind of what happened there, you know, in as far as what to do in the heat of the moment. Oh, that's great. That is very fresh coming up. 100 percent you want them to you want your children to feel like you're their advocate and ally and not like you're there to defend the other child or to just you know to to say you know why are you being so dramatic and over the top and those kinds of things because that will only that will only make things worse in the in the big picture um and you're 100 right just taking the time out to validate it and show some empathy is a great place to to start

17:03stay tuned for more mindful mama podcast right after this break

17:11i've been told i shouldn't do a drum roll because it's cringy but we are there we are at the moment we are about to reveal the number one episode from 2025 and i'm not going to do a drum roll From our Different Brains Amazing Kids series, Exclamation Point Kids with Jess Traser, episode 527. And we talk about the complexities of parenting children who have intense emotions and behaviors. So you will learn how to navigate this rocky emotional landscape while creating a supportive environment. So check out this little bit of this episode and then make sure you listen to the whole thing because it's a great episode.

17:54as voted on by you.

18:01So the response plan in the moment is validation first. This other piece of it though is containment. But all of this we can only do with the awareness of ourselves because this is important for all of our kids, but our exclamation point kids take in more data. They are porous to social emotional cues. They feel your feelings. They feel it with your feeling, which is so dangerous. Feel it. Yes. And so we could say all the right things. But if we aren't authentically feeling those things, I see. It is through it. Yes. And it's going to light the fire. And it's going to make everything worse. And this is the piece of what I work through a lot with families that are so intentional in their parenting.

18:44And they are working so hard, Hunter. Like, they are working so hard at it and doing a beautiful job. But they're like, why, when I try doing it, Does it just fuel the flame? Like, why does it get worse? Why do they then start punching me and biting me or screaming cuss words at me? Like, this doesn't make sense. And it's because there is this mismatch, right? And for us to have the awareness and compassion toward ourselves that we are also humans. And so to just be able to do a body scan and see, do I have it in me? Can I fill myself up and get there? Or are we going to survive right now? And that's okay because I don't have to do it perfectly 100 % of the time.

19:27But to have that reflective part first, and it honestly can take all of five seconds, right? To just scan your body, see where you're at. Do we do, and we have it in us to do everything you just laid out there, Hunter, all those great things, this mindfulness piece of recentering ourselves to be able to approach. Do we have that? And then can we do it? Because if we soften our gaze and lower our shoulders and lower the volume of our voice and get under eye contact from them, those are all the cues biologically that we are safe and we are not a threat. But if we say all the right things like, I believe you, right, like very intensely, their bodies know what's up.

20:08And it's even more upsetting to have a mismatch from the visual cues to the verbal cues. But that's where all that spiraling comes in. So it's this one-two approach of its validation, its containment, but all of it is embodied with our true authentic presence and being okay that if we can't get there right then, it's never too late to come back and make amends. Thank you for listening to the Best of 2025 series. We have so much coming up in 2026. And make sure you're subscribed and you share the show and like it. It supports all of us, this small but mighty team here at Mindful Mama. We want to keep putting the Mindful Mama podcast out to get it to you.

20:53So in order to do that, we need you to share it and like it and leave reviews and all that great stuff so we can keep going. And it's been an amazing year. Thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being part of this movement to change things for the better. So happy, happy 2025. And I look forward to hanging with you in 2026. Namaste.