How To Raise An Adult - Julie Lithcott-Haims

25:35They might as well be done by me, a pitch in, roll up your sleeves mindset. And that's what gets you ahead in the workplace. The workplace isn't going to be full of loving parent-like creatures who are just delighted by your every move. The workplace is run by a boss who wants you to work hard, anticipate what the boss needs, be useful, pitch in, you know? And so turns out chores, doing chores builds a mindset that will yield the kinds of success we want for our kids when they leave our homes and go out into the working world. And what kinds of chores can they do? Oh my gosh, the list that I put in my book, I pulled from a parenting website and it breaks down the chores as young as age two and three.

26:18It's like two and three-year-olds, they can dust. You give them a feather duster and tell them to walk around the living room or whatever, dusting. They love it. They can sort laundry into colors, the darker colors and the lighter colors. And if you start young, they enjoy it. They love to be needed and useful. They love to help. Whereas if you try to start chores with a 10-year-old, they're going to be like, what? And so there are things like, you know, kids as young as three and four can be taking their plate from the table to the sink or, you know, they can, it all depends on how high things are, but they can, as you said, you put the water pitcher in the bottom of the refrigerator.

27:03As soon as a kid can open the fridge, they can start to be serving themselves, you know, orange juice and water and so on. Put the dishes in the bottom part of the cabinet, the kid can open the cabinet door and get dishes out. You know, we're sort of infantilizing them by cutting their meat too long or tying their shoes too long. You know, there are chores that are about helping out around the house, but then there's just the sort of personal care and grooming stuff that kids need to be taking on for themselves from brushing teeth to bathing themselves to picking out their own clothes to, you know, tying their own shoes and, you know, waking themselves up.

27:40You know, there's so many parents who never expected their kids would wake themselves up. And then those kids become college students who don't know how to wake themselves up. And it's ridiculous. And then the parents feel like, well, I've got to call them every morning to make sure they're up for college. Oh my gosh.

27:56Hunter Clarke-Fields:Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. And these kids come and they just don't feel they have any efficacy. They don't feel like they can handle life because they had never had a chance to. They can't. Yeah. It does become the self-fulfilling prophecy. Like the parents are overhelping because they don't think the kids can. And they're probably right that the kids can't because they've never had the chance to try. And so you can't cold turkey. You can't just say to your kid, okay, we've done everything for you, but now we're abandoning you because it will be bewildered and helpless. You've got to whatever stage your kid is, whether they're four or 12 or 18 or 25, you know, we're supposed to be teaching them skills.

28:37And there's this wonderful four-step method for teaching kids skills. I learned from my friend, Stacey Ashland, who has two kids, one with significant special needs, one developing typically. And she kind of boiled all the research down to this four-step method that she uses to teach both kids. And the method is this, whatever the skill, Picture teaching your kid to use the stove, teaching your kid to cross the street, teaching your kid to put their homework in their backpack. First, you do it for them. Then you do it with them, meaning you're alongside them. You're explaining it. You're doing it.

29:09They're watching. Three, you watch them do it. So now the roles are reversed. They're doing it, you know, but you're still there to offer guidance or feedback as needed. And then step four, they do it completely independently. independently this four-step method first you do it for them then you do it with them then you watch them then they can do it independently that's how they learn new skills and we're supposed to be teaching them everything so that they can ultimately fend for themselves one day yeah

29:38Hunter Clarke-Fields:yeah absolutely in the mindful parenting class i teach parents to discern when is something their problem and when is something their kid's problem right and this is such a huge skill that we don't realize that we're jumping in to kind of solve all their problems. And one of the big things that comes up all the time is sibling conflicts. And so I had a client who was there and one of the things she's like, oh, well, wow, this is their problem. I don't have to do anything anymore when she had been solving their problems for eight years. And so she just like, let them go. And they were like, it was ugly.

30:16Hunter Clarke-Fields:And part of it was like, well, let's back up and teach them, You know, kind of come in and kind of teach them how to do it, how to resolve the problems. And then kind of, you know, that step, like watch them do it and then let them do it independently. Not just, you know, don't listen to this podcast and say, oh my God, I'm doing everything for my kid. And then just suddenly let go. Take those intermediary steps. They're really important. Yeah. And often with the sibling rivalry, which is an area I have no expertise in, I'm an only child myself. I mean, I grew up alone. I have half siblings. But, and my own two kids happened to get along very well, which is just the luck of, of the draw and the birth order.

30:56I think my, my elder one was very welcoming of a younger sibling and they just have had a great relationship. But I will say this, you know, I've heard a lot of parents, particularly older parents have said back in the day, Phil Donahue was saying, you know, he, for those who don't know Phil Donahue, he was like the Oprah before Oprah, nowhere near as magnetic, but, you know, talk show guy. guy. And he would say to parents, you're not responsible, you know, let the siblings work it out. And moms would go and shut themselves in their room while their kids fought thinking, I'm just supposed to be out of it.

31:28You know, in fact, I shouldn't be anywhere near because the kids are appealing for my attention by acting out like this. And what happened is a lot of kids ended up being abused, you know, like bigger kids were smaller kids. And so it's neglectful if we just turn our backs and let them beat each other, right? So there are moments when we do have to step in and blow whistles and say, this is unacceptable. We don't do this in our family, you know, but we mustn't treat everything as if it is that kind of crisis level circumstance.

31:58Hunter Clarke-Fields:Yeah. Yeah. It's the middle path. And so what I see you're doing with this book is like kind of bringing us back to the middle path where we've really kind of gotten way out of the way as far as too much, too much, you know, overdoing for our kids and also over structured time. Like we are so busy. We give kids so much homework. Our expectations are so much and our lives are so busy. You talk, you have a chapter about unstructured time. And I just love this so much because I really, really believe in this. So, you know, I think your chapter is like why we need unstructured time or something like that.

32:38Hunter Clarke-Fields:And we talked to us a little bit about unstructured time versus structured time in childhood. Yeah. So the people who study what's healthy for developing kids to experience, they say over and over again. So these are developmental psychologists, early childhood educators. They say that free play, playing freely is an essential component of a child's upbringing if they are to be healthy and well. We may think that free play is a waste of time, frivolous, not useful, not important, but we're entirely wrong. Playing freely gives kids the chance to process what they've learned, both in an academic cognitive sense and in a social emotional sense.

33:28Playing with other children freely, teaches them how to negotiate with other humans, how to solve problems, how to treat other people. They get the consequences of their actions pretty much handed to them by other kids, you know. And so free play turns out to be really important. And the guru of play in our country is a man named Peter Gray, and he writes regularly, writes columns for Psychology Today and other things. And he says, hey, grownups, if you're wanting to figure out what free play is, if there's an adult present, that's not it. Okay. They must be able to play outside of our watchful gaze and our intervention.

34:12Now, again, we're not supposed to, you know, leave them alone when they're three and go to the store, but we can be in the next room. We can, you know, in other words, not a hovering presence, but we're keeping our ears open in case something sounds like it's going awry. You know, that's when we can kind of step in and make sure at a level of safety that everything's fine. So free play matters. Instead, we put them in what I call a cage of enrichment. Every single moment, once they're in elementary school, certainly middle school, every moment of the day is scheduled from school to all of the activities and the time set aside for homework and so on.

34:50They're no longer playing freely. In fact, free play at school is so encroached upon? How many schools have cut back on recess? Or they're offering recess, but they have burdened recess with 12 rules about what kids cannot do. And you have a zillion adults out there on the blacktop or on the field, you know, telling them what they're not allowed to do. Well, I'm going to share an interesting story with you. There's a principal in New Zealand who said, wait a minute, this is crazy. Our playground has 12 or 15 do not do this rules posted. And he said, we're going to take away all those rules. And the only rule we're going to keep is you may not intentionally hurt somebody else.

35:35And you know what happened? So kids started climbing trees, they started climbing fences. And here's the fascinating thing. Injuries went down, and bullying went down. It's sort of like this energy thing. Like when we're just oppressing our kids by pressing in on their lives, you know, they're going to act out somewhere. But when we step back a little bit, you know, and take some of the rules away, it gives them room to navigate and negotiate and try things and fall and fail, but get stronger. So there's a lovely, if people are interested in that story, if you Google New Zealand principle recess rules, something like that, you'll get it.

36:23There's a video about him. It was like a newscast video about him. And it's a fascinating story. And it makes you wonder here in the US, what would it take for more leaders in the K through 12 arena to embrace that kind of approach to healthy development of kids?

36:41Hunter Clarke-Fields:Oh my God. I love that story, Julie. I mean, that just jives so well. I mean, for me with my girls, I would let them climb whatever tree they wanted to climb. My youngest daughter, she could actually climb. She climbed the playground ladder before she could walk. She was about 11 months old or something. She climbed the playground ladder and she couldn't walk. She was 10 months old. And so they've always been climbing things and I'd kind of spot them underneath. And if it got too high, I'd be like, I'm feeling really nervous about that one. but they learn to trust their bodies and they're so good they know when it doesn't feel good to them which is the most important thing that happens and it makes other kids parents really nervous but I see my kid and I know that they know how to trust their body which for me is so so important it used to drive me crazy I would take them to the YMCA playground and they're so they've got so many rules and I was watching my kids are playing I'm watching this preschool out there and there's this uh four and a half year old or something who climbs up the spirally climbing thing backwards or something or from the ground and the teacher goes oh no no no you can't do that until you're five and I'm like ah he's obviously doing it like he's obviously of doing it like this is so ridiculous.

38:02Hunter Clarke-Fields:It drives me bananas. So thank you so much for that story. To a related issue, we can often be the recipients of judgment, scorn, scoffing by parents who think we're neglecting our kid by quote unquote, letting them, you know, climb this equipment. and you know we have to really kind of reclaim the narrative you know when people say oh i can't believe you let him ride his bike by himself you know i can't believe you let him go to the playground without you you can say i'm not just letting him i want him or her to develop the independence and the skills that can only come if he's got a bit of distance from me you know So we're not neglecting, we're actually teaching.

38:53We're actually giving our children the chance to experience the various things childhood offers so that they become stronger children and then stronger teenagers and then stronger adults. By stronger, I mean more confident, more skilled, more capable, more responsible.

39:14Hunter Clarke-Fields:Yeah, and body, mind, and spirit, the whole package. Yes, yes, yes. So to do this, we've got some work to do on ourselves in some ways, right? And you talk about this beautifully in the end of your book. Like we are in a culture where we put so much pressure on, especially moms, but parents and caregivers. And we put so much pressure on to make sure our kids are always, always safe. We're always there. And those are all, you know, of course we want our kids safe and we want to have a presence and being there. But the pressure we put on moms can be kind of crazy, like watching every single practice, doing every single thing.

39:55Hunter Clarke-Fields:So talk to me and the listener a little bit about how this idea of like getting our, why is it so important for us to be getting our fulfillment outside of parenting? As we get older and our kids get older, keeping up with the schedules can be so hard. My daughter Sora has been doing the tech for the play, Mamma Mia. There's a lot to do and we're busy. And that's why I really love the Kozilla Calendar Plus 2. You get your calendars, your to-do lists, and your reminders all in one place. and not in yes it's in your phone in your pocket but it's on in a centralized place in your house so it's a beautiful frame it has a calendar sync to keep everybody's calendars up to date real time avoiding conflicts and we don't have to like crane our head next down and pull out these objects to check it we can all do all the planning and we can do event creation all in one place together It even has a reward system to encourage kids' independence and meal planning.

41:04Hunter Clarke-Fields:I mean, it's great. And it really supports kids who are developing independence. And you can have independence without having the, you know, device in your pocket. Kids with ADHD can benefit from structured routines. And you get this large display that is really easy to use. Seamless, easy, syncing. There's also flexible size options. really a different way to do it to make things simpler to really reduce the mental load in the house to manage schedules and encourage kids responsibility and just coordinate family life so it is less stressful go to kozilla.com and use the code hunter to get$30 off your first order at checkout.

41:50Hunter Clarke-Fields:That's C-O-Z-Y-L-A.com to get$30 off your first order with the promo code Hunter. Well, I think it was Carl Jung who said, well, now I'm paraphrasing him horribly, but it's like the greatest harm to the child is the unlived life of the parent. And I think he was focusing on a couple things, both when we live vicariously, you know, we haven't lived our lives in a way that feels fulfilling to us. So we want to live vicariously through our children. But when our own life is not full and rich of things that we enjoy, then the kid takes on the burden also of being our reason for existing. And we've got to back our neuroses, our psychological impediments.

42:38We've got to back all that off of our kids. There should be a nice boom here for therapists working with parents whose own self is unwell or not as well as it could be. You know, we've decided our kid is our project, is our pet, is our trophy. You know, look at my child. Look what I've done. And that's just so unhealthy for them. They don't exist to shine light on us. You know, they are their own being. And we ought to delight in who they're becoming. And, you know, I talk about sandpapering the rough edges of my own children, which is for me, character, personality. You know, my job is to teach them how to work hard and go out in the world, be nice to other people so that they can be successful.

43:24I mean, that's it. And work hard and be kind. I mean, those are the two things I want them to leave home with. Maybe learn how to love yourself, too, you know, so you're not out in the world looking for love in ways that are going to harm you. And so, boy, I'm really off track here.

43:39Hunter Clarke-Fields:No, I mean, that's beautiful. I mean, that whole greatest harm to a child is the unfulfilled or whatever, unlived parent. I mean, to make our kids our project is, it seems like there is pressure on us to almost do that, right? Like when they're little, but we can see that this is causing that harm. I talk about, and I think Kathy Adams talks about this beautifully, like living what you want your kids to learn, right? And so being that example, that modeling, right? Like our kids are really not so great at doing what we say, but really wonderful at doing what we do. And so how can we model how to live a balanced life, how to live a fulfilling life?

44:18Yeah. I mean, the best way we model it is to do it and live it. As I say in my book, I've got, I quote a woman named Catherine Jacobson who works at the Lakeside School in the Seattle area. And she was on the sidelines of her kid's soccer game on a rainy day in Seattle. And it was cold and rainy and a little bit muddy. And she got on the phone. You know, she's watching her own kid play soccer. She's on the phone with her own mother. and she's complaining to her mother about the circumstance. And her mother's like, what's your problem? Look, why are you even there? You're miserable. Why are you on the sidelines of someone else's life?

44:56If you want to show your kids that athletics matter, go for a run and talk about it over dinner. You know, if you want to inspire your kids to be interested in hobbies and activities, go do something you love and share that with them in conversation, you know? And her own mother was just critical of this kind of sideline of someone else's life approach to parenting. And it was dead on. The best way to role model a healthy, vibrant adult life for our kids is to lead one, to fill our lives with the richness of friendship, conversation, hobbies, work, civic involvement, volunteers, and whatever brings us joy and makes us feel we're contributing in some way to our community or to our families and so on, to do those things and to let our kids see us doing those things, that's how they're going to aspire to be that kind of adult.

45:53Hunter Clarke-Fields:Oh, yes. Amen. Yes, absolutely, Julia. I love that. I love that story. Why are you on the sidelines of another person's life? And that's a great question that we should maybe start to ask ourselves, maybe an uncomfortable question to ask, but where's your life in the picture? Where's your life? I guess the only other thing I wanted to sort of ask you about is, and I think this is just sort of a helpful way of looking at things, is just this idea that parents consider this idea of opening our minds to what's possible for our children and sort of opening up their possibilities and opening our own minds to maybe possibilities of other colleges is for parents who are caught in the sort of in the success trap and et cetera, and opening our minds to giving our kids the opportunity to make their own choices in their life.

46:45Hunter Clarke-Fields:And I know that life is very uncertain now. Jobs are very uncertain. All that stuff is very uncertain, and there's a lot of uncertainty we have to live with. But could you talk to that a little bit, Julie? Yeah, we've been duped by U.S. News and World Report into thinking that there are only 20 or 30 colleges that we can be proud to send our kids to in this country. And we're wrong. They're wrong. There are so many, so many wonderful four-year college opportunities in this country beyond the U.S. News Top 30. And what really matters is that, you know, students go to a place where they feel they're going to be challenged, but also find community.

47:22And it's really not about the brand name. It's about, can you study the things you're interested in? And, you know, Will you be mentored there? Will you have faculty who care about you, take an interest in you? And often, you know, the faculty who have the time and inclination to care about undergraduate students are at small liberal arts colleges that most people haven't heard of or are at a community college. Very often the strongest teachers in our area are teaching at a community college. They're not doing the kind of research that would win them an appointment at a fabulous research university, but they're excellent teachers in the classroom.

47:58We often poo-poo community college or junior college as somehow less than, and it's really kind of a different offering and one that can be quite strategically used if a family is struggling financially and can't afford the sticker price for a four-year. You know, a kid starting off at a community college and spending two years there and doing well and then transferring is a very economical way to get a four-year degree. But let's also step further back and say not everyone has to go to college. I keep reading articles about how very many jobs in the skilled trades are going unfilled. They pay well, there are great benefits, but nobody's trained to do that work anymore because everyone's going to college now.

48:38And so we have, you know, openings for skilled trades that need to be filled. More and more kids ought to be looking at trade school. If their inclination is to do that kind of thing, let's not stigmatize it. Let's say, go for it, you know, make yourself who you want to make yourself into. So there are a wider set of options beyond the four-year schools that are the biggest brand names that are on everybody's minds. There's simply really an infinite number of possibilities for a young person as they leave our homes and go out into the workplace or into higher education or into the military. There are just so many more options.

49:11And the minute we can appreciate that, we can relax a little bit and say, okay, you know, I don't have to get my kid into XYZ highly selective school. You know, that's not my job. My job is to prepare them to work hard, to persevere, you know, and to be kind to others. And those skills are what's going to make them successful wherever they go.

49:33Hunter Clarke-Fields:Yeah. Yeah. We got to, we got to exam our own fear and ego in this, in this whole process. So I imagine Julie that you, you stopped cutting, cutting your son's meat. I have. 19. And he just finished his freshman year at college. He's off at Reed College in Portland, Oregon, which is one of these small liberal arts colleges with really dedicated faculty that work them incredibly hard. And he's getting a top-notch education. He's learning to cook for himself. He's, you know, he's joining clubs. He's struggling in places and picking himself back up. He's thriving wildly in other ways. and the former freshman dean in me just looks upon him with joy and says, oh, my son, you're doing it.

50:18You're learning how to be an adult. And it's not easy and it's not pretty all the time. But, you know, one of the things he said to me was, I'm so excited to be working this summer. It's the first time in his life he's going to have a full-time summer job. And he said, I'm just so excited. I can already sense that earning my own money and spending my own money on things is going to feel really good. and my husband and I look at each other like, yep. And we smile at him and say, absolutely. And we're just kicking ourselves that we didn't force him to have that experience sooner. And why didn't we force him?

50:51Because we're upper middle class and we didn't quote unquote have to. And this is an example of how we sort of deprived our kid of the joy that comes from the hard work of working and earning one's own keep, one's own way. That's an inevitability we all get to. And instead of highly cultivating and enriching our kids' high school lives, having that summer job or having that part-time job in high school can be one of the most, you know, foundational forming experiences of their lives.

51:20Hunter Clarke-Fields:Oh my gosh. Heck yes. I mean, I worked at Dunkin' Donuts as a teenager and I bought this car that was like a$500 car. It was this 1982 Subaru GL and man, did I love that car. I'm so proud of that car. Oh my God. Even the rust spots, I spray painted over them with flowers. Oh my God. And it was yours. Yeah. It's totally mine. I worked as a bus girl at Perkins, which is a kind of a 24 hour restaurant in some parts of the country. And I bus tables and clean bathrooms. And I am so, so glad I did that work and had that job. It was just one summer. I came home smelling like fried food. I came home tired, but I was earning that paycheck and it felt so good.

52:11And it also made me feel like, well, I don't want to be doing this kind of work forever. And so it's my educational pursuits, all the more tangibly valuable. Like, okay, I'm trying to be better educated so that I can find work that allows me to do different things in order to earn a paycheck.

52:29Hunter Clarke-Fields:Yeah, yeah, exactly. It makes it very, very valuable for sure. Absolutely. Julie, this has been amazing. Where can people, obviously, I think everybody should certainly go check out how to read an adult. Where can they find more about you and your work that you're doing? Absolutely. So I have a website, julielithcotthames.com. There's a hyphen in my last name. In real life, there's no hyphen on the website. So julielithcotthames.com. And I'm sure Hunter's got - We'll link up to it, yeah. We'll link to it rather than me spell it out. I'm on Twitter at Dean Julie, as well as at Raise an Adult. I'm on Instagram at HowToRaiseAnAdult, at JLifcottHames, at RealAmericansEverywhere.

53:15That's the subject of my second book on race, Real American. And then on Facebook, Facebook, Julie Lifcott Hames and HowToRaiseAnAdult. So I got a lot of social media going. There's that TED Talk I mentioned. If you go into TED.com and type in my name, my TED Talk, The Harm of Over-Parenting and the Importance of Chores will come up. And yeah, so those are ways in which folks can follow up.

53:38Hunter Clarke-Fields:Absolutely. And we'll link up to the TED Talk and how to connect with Julie at mindfulmamapodcast.com. Julie, you know, I just want to say thank you. I think that this work that you have put out into the world is incredibly valuable and it's at just the right time. You're a real powerful voice of reason. You're a voice that's balancing us and that's bringing us back down to earth and also opening us up our eyes. And I think that your work will have ripple effects and resonate through many, many people. And so I want to thank you for taking the time to write this book, to do the work and to share your voice with all of us.

54:22Hunter Clarke-Fields:It really makes a big difference. Well, I appreciate it. And the last thing I'll say is, Hunter, I believe in humans. I'm interested in each one of us making our way, having a chance to make something that's meaningful to us of this life, this one precious life. And so what I try to write about and speak about are the obstacles that get in the way of humans being able to just be, you know, to thrive. And so I'm sitting here rooting for all of us, you, your listeners, you know, me, my kids, all of us. I just am rooting for all of us. Yes. Yes. Thank you so much, Julie. Thank you. Thank you.

55:04Hunter Clarke-Fields:Thank you so much for listening. Don't you love Julie? She just says it like it is, which is what I love about her. That whole idea of like over-parenting from that sense of love and also our ego, right? Like we have to kind of get our own stuff out of our kids' accomplishments and put ourselves not in the sidelines anymore of our own lives. Like the importance of that, it really is really underlined, I think, by this conversation. So I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. And just want to let you know again that I do have one spot open for my one-on-one coaching work. And this is sort of the highest level of working with me because I I don't have a lot of time and I dedicate a lot of time to my one-on-one coaching clients.

55:50Hunter Clarke-Fields:We get to know each other intimately and we get to transform your struggles into you living a life of peace and ease, feeling grounded. And I walk you through that and you do the work to go through that. It's really an exciting, exciting time and a big investment in your life and the life of your family. People always tell me, they're always like, oh, my relationship with my partner has improved so much. It's always this kind of surprising outcome, which is so cool. So if you're interested in that, if this is something that's calling to you, do check it out at mindfulmamamentor.com slash coaching.

56:28Hunter Clarke-Fields:And you can apply for a complimentary 30-minute clarity session with me. We'll get to know where you are and where you want to be and see if it's a good fit. So other than that, of course, working away on my book. and if you would like to support the book, support the podcast, if you get something out of this, it really makes a huge difference when you share it with your friends. If you'd like to take a screenshot and share it with me on Instagram or just share it on Facebook or Twitter, all those things really make a huge difference. And, you know, I feel like Julie, you know, people like Julie Luthcott-Hames, like these are teachers we want out in the world.

57:11Hunter Clarke-Fields:Like we want to get these messages out and you can do a great part in doing that. And another great thing you can do for that is to leave a review on Stitcher or iTunes or Apple Music or whatever store. And that makes a huge difference. And I haven't gotten any new reviews recently. So I'd love to get a new review. I'd be happy to read it and acknowledge you for doing that. So that makes a big difference. And And that's a great way to support the podcast. And I hope that you are making it through the summer. You know, it's interesting. I was talking to my coaching clients last night about this in summertime.

57:48Hunter Clarke-Fields:We get this kind of like, and you know, heads up to you if you're in the future or kudos to you. And if you're in the future on the other side of the hemisphere, I get it. It's maybe not summer to you, but there's always these times in our life where there's more chaos and it feels a little crazy and wonky, especially if you've got young kids in the house. and what we kind of want to do in those times is like control it more like we want to make everyone do just what we want them to do so that we feel better and sometimes not all the time but sometimes this instinct to sort of control Mars this come is this place of fear right is this ego wanting to sort of control more like we do with our kids like we talked about with Julie and sometimes is really more when some chaos is hitting, sometimes a time to do less and to just back off and to not fight life, right?

58:42Hunter Clarke-Fields:To say, this is what is right now. And to, to just ground in yourself to like, you know, rather than kind of to, to surf the waves, right? So I invite you to go surfing this summer to relax and to surrender a little bit to what is happening and let it be as it is. That can be really freeing for us and it can actually provide some of the space and release some of the tension in relationships to make things feel better in that moment. So anyway, I wish you a happy surfing the waves kind of summer and I'll talk to you soon. Talk to you next week. Namaste.

59:23Hunter Clarke-Fields:Are you a mom who wants to feel less stressed and enjoy motherhood more? Do you want to be calmer with your kids and be more present for all of your life? I'm a mom who has gone from really being stressed and yelling when my kids were young to having a more grounded, more at ease relationship with life and having more enjoyable, cooperative relationships with my kids. And I've shown hundreds and thousands of women around the world how to do this. And I want to show you how to do it too. So if you are currently feeling stuck or stagnant, this is definitely for you. I've created a free downloadable audible training, Mindfulness for Moms, the Superpower You Need, and it will show you how to respond rather than react, how to let go of stress and feel more grounded in seconds, how to have a smoother day today and become more present for your kids for a lifetime.

1:00:15Hunter Clarke-Fields:To get on this audio training absolutely free, simply visit the website www.mindfulmomguide.com.

1:00:29It's mushrooms with me, Maddie Matheson. You know what's better than thinking about dinner too hard? Not. Stop that and just choose mushrooms. Five minutes. Done. Dinner's that easy and you feel like a genius. It's not magic. It's mushrooms. Stop stressing at mushroomcouncil.com.