4 Simple Shifts to Enjoy the Summer Holidays, Not Just Survive Them

0:02Hi everyone, welcome to this episode of Motherkind. It is me, your host Zoe, and this is the show that is for you, the woman behind the mother, and we are proudly sponsored by Wild Nutrition's Women's Supplements. So let's get straight into it. Why are the summer holidays so challenging? I probably don't need to tell you this. We know it's childcare, school, nursery, the classes stop, even if you've got children of different ages, some might have childcare, some might not. Our children are around each other more if you've got siblings. So there's sibling arguing and children on average argue every seven minutes.

0:44That takes a toll on our nervous system. There's a real lack of routine in the summer. So in term time or when my little ones were at nursery, I really knew where I was with pickups and drop offs. And over the summer, that lack of routine just feels like it goes out the window. I think the big one over the summer for a lot of us is guilt, where there might be more screen time, more clubs, and then comparison where you see all these lovely images of other people going on these lovely holidays. I think also for our partners, if we're in a relationship, it can feel like some of that inequality really gets magnified.

1:18If you're the default parent, their summer and their work life might carry on. And if you are the default parent, then yours completely changes over the summer, especially if you're juggling work on top. So it really is just this perfect storm of what is meant to be this kind of idyllic time in reality feeling really difficult. So what are we gonna do about it? This all comes from hard one wisdom of when I have crawled through summers and not got this right. So everything that I'm talking to you about, I have lived and I've put into practice and it has made a huge difference in my life. So the first one is ask for help.

1:54ask for more help than you feel comfortable with you don't need to get to the point when it's all too much to ask for help ask for help proactively ask friends ask family ask anyone in your support network make a list of who might be able to help you and how you'd like them to help could it be pickups could it be having the children for the afternoon playdates doing dinner together and then ask send that message your future self will be very happy with you

2:28the second one is share the load don't do that default parent thing where we can just take it all on as if it's all our responsibility so sit down choose an evening before it gets to the summer holidays and with your partner your co-parent your support network whatever your parenting looks like ask this question how are we going to share the child care logistics socializing planning this summer if you're going away who is going to pack who is going to plan who is going to organize for the summer and divide it up and here is what is most important i learned this from eve rodsky with her amazing book fair play that if someone takes a task they own it fully the conception the planning and the execution it's not about the default parent handing a list to someone else because then it's still in our heads right it's still then all us the third one is and i think this is what i have got wrong in summer's past is to make sure that you take five minutes every day to release the stress of the day it's called completing the stress cycle comes from an incredible book and two guests on the pet podcast called emily and emilia nagoski stress builds up And actually burnout isn't doing too much for too long.

3:51Burnout is when we don't release the stress. We have to complete the stress cycle. This is life changing because it only takes five minutes to actually release the stress cycle. So there's a couple of scientifically proven things that you can do. I think of releasing the stress cycle like wiping the table at the end of the night. I would never just pile plates on top of plates on top of plates day after day, right? The whole thing would crash down. Yes, that's what happened to us. So completing the stress cycle is like wiping the table at the end of the day, putting the plates away. It's very simple.

4:28So five minutes, a short burst of physical activity. Shaking is amazing. Dancing is amazing. Five minutes of deep breathing. Five minutes of hugging someone that you love could be a pet or a child until you feel relaxed, crying. all of these scientifically release stress make sure you do that every single day of the summer holidays when the stress is higher

4:59guilt so i think that guilt really peaks in the summer i hear this from our community every year and it's so easy to feel like you're not doing enough enough holidays enough fun enough work You're not seeing your friends enough. Your kids aren't having enough of a good time and you feel guilty. And the number one thing I want you to remember about guilt is that just because you feel guilty, it doesn't mean you are guilty. OK, so real guilt is when we've done something wrong that goes against who we are and what we value. And that feeling isn't isn't accurate in most cases. Normally, that guilt that we're feeling is tension of wanting to be in two places at once, but we can't.

5:38it's us holding ourselves to way too high standards and expectations it's often the inner critic so that voice that tells us that we're doing wrong which actually gets louder the more that we care about something so please do not let yourself get stuck in guilt this summer the last one is to take the pressure off your summer does not need to be perfect i need you to remember this children and remember how it felt not what you did okay this is why when we organize these perfect days these expensive days out they tend to not go great right whereas when we lower the pressure and we just think about connecting and there might be like a hose in the garden or we just go for a walk on the block that feels amazing so remember think about how it felt not what you did i also love to relax the rules a little in the summer later bedtimes more treats less structure and also how it felt also is for you so book in something lovely for you this summer maybe a night out maybe even a child free coffee with a friend something you can look forward to and make sure that you schedule it because if you don't schedule it it won't happen so do it now think of something for you and schedule it.

7:04Okay, that is it. I hope you have an amazing day. I hope you have an amazing summer. And I hope that you take at least one of these tips and actually put them into your life so that you can get to September feeling a little bit less knackered. I'll see you next time. That was the episode. I hoped you loved it. If you did, please make sure you subscribe and I will see you next time.