Millie Mackintosh: The Coping Strategy That’s Making Mothers More Anxious

0:00From GEICO Subconscious News, I'm Tammy Racing Thoughts. Tonight, you just left for work and had a non-specific feeling that something was happening to your place and it wasn't good. Dan? Exactly, Tammy. It could be smoke damage, theft, or just too much caffeine, but you can't stop thinking about it. But with renter's insurance through GEICO, your stuff is covered, so you don't have to worry. And that's great, because the weekend is coming up and it's chock full of social obligations that are ready to fill that void. Oh boy, will they, Dan? It feels good to worry less. It feels good to GEICO. hey it is me your host Zoe and welcome to this mother kind moment what if the glass of wine you are reaching for to take the edge off is actually making you feel more anxious exhausted and overwhelmed in this week's moment I am joined by Millie McIntosh and we explore why drinking can feel like such an understandable coping mechanism when your nervous system is completely fried but we talk about the reality behind mummy needs wine culture and how alcohol can actually affect your anxiety your sleep and your mental health even when you're not drinking that much Millie really honestly shares her experience of grey area drinking the moment she realized alcohol was taking more from her life than it was giving her and the first steps that helped her to make a change.

1:22This isn't about judgment. It's not about labels or telling anyone what to do. It's just an invitation to get curious about your relationship with alcohol and ask whether it's really giving you the relief that you've been promised. Here it is. I mean, I think when I think about motherhood and drinking, it makes so much sense. The stats, I think it's like your drinking accelerates three times as much when you enter motherhood I think is one statistic and I almost find that kind of mind-blowing but but not because I think it's so dysregulating motherhood from a nervous system perspective yeah and matrescence it's like you're everything's changing everything is the biggest life shift you can go through exactly it's not supported your nervous system is affected like no one's marriage feels better in that first year no I don't think so nobody's mental health is probably like at its strongest no no and then what do you turn to you know it makes so much sense to me that that sort of bedtime glass of wine because it does feel soothing on the nervous system short term or you go to the kids party it's you know it's really overstimulating you know it's midday everyone's having a drink yeah it's it's not just the the evening is definitely a big time where you're like count down to that drink in the evening but it's so like kids parties like you know christenings all these things to do with with kids and new life even like you know people bring you champagne to your bedside when you've just given birth it's like it's actually wild it's actually wild you've just come out of surgery or you've just literally had your vagina stitched up but you know have some champagne yeah just you know yeah I think that's because there's such a lack of understanding about what it really does to the body and mind isn't it yeah but I think that is changing now and what's really astounding to me is also the links to cancer that people just don't want to talk about and alcohol is linked to seven different types of cancer even moderate use you think about smoking and you think smoking cancer I don't think people are linking alcohol you think about some drinking a lot and you think that's bad for your liver but you don't you know you think okay also you think about that in huge quantities don't you yeah but you don't think alcohol cancer yeah it's almost like how smoking was sort of 30 40 years ago where it was very normal to smoke in pregnancy smoke you know it was almost prescribed i think at one point smoking and it feels like we're on that same path with alcohol with increased awareness What were some of the surprising things?

4:04Because I know you wrote the book with a doctor. What were some of the things we thought, oh, my God, I just wish I'd known it was having that effect on my body and mind? One of the things I found out was that when you, if you already have anxiety, when you drink alcohol, even a very moderate amount of alcohol, like not even a binge drink amount, just a couple of units a week, you are changing your brain chemistry and you will be more anxious. and that will not stop unless you completely stop drinking even if you're only drinking you know weekly like on the weekends a few glasses of wine I get so many messages from people since I'm talking about my alcohol-free journey and since the books come out saying this just isn't working for me anymore I had I read a message this morning and she said you know I only had two glasses of wine at the weekend and I felt so anxious the next day that is what happened to me that's why that's why I decided just to stop completely I thought it's not worth it I was so I was doing so much work on kind of confidence and self-esteem and I would still have the odd glass of wine and I just noticed next day the anxiety I was like I don't want to feel this feeling anymore yeah I would say whether I had one drink or ten drinks yeah my I would have a lot more anxiety the next day I mean if I had ten drinks obviously I'd have an awful hangover and if I had had one I'd have a mild hangover but I would I could steal that heart racing sort of wake up in the night I wouldn't sleep well even if I just had one drink I could really notice how it ruins your sleep doesn't it because you don't get as much REM sleep and this is why I feel like the alcohol industry and just the media in general has really screwed our generation of mums with alcohol because it's like oh the the one glass is good for you that's a total myth yeah total myth one glass a day is not good for you there are no health benefits to drinking alcohol and it's it's dressed up in so many different ways right like tequila's clean and you know you can have organic wine that has no sulfates in it it's still ethanol whether it's a bottle of wine that's you know two thousand pounds or whether it's a bottle of cheap vodka from the corner shop it's the same ethanol just dressed up differently and I feel like that sort of motherhood and drinking has just become you know the mummy needs wine this baby grows on I'm the reason my mum drinks I mean there's just it's become so normalized I think it it's painful it's really really done our generation I joined in with that mummy needs wine culture I fell for it I was their baby of one arm you know pumping and a glass of wine being like almost like it's my feminine right like yeah as a feminist to reclaim that part of you yeah yeah but it's such a con

7:02it's actually incredible isn't it when you start to peel back the layers of this messaging that we're we're given and so if someone's listening and they're thinking I relate to a lot of this where do you advise someone starts imagine someone is you know they've got two young kids nervous systems fried trying to juggle paid work on top of everything else they're coming down after a tricky bedtime a couple of glasses of wine it feels like quite a strong crutch for them and there's a they're afraid they're really afraid about what it would mean to stop about what would come up where would you suggest that they start I think the first thing is really just the acceptance that something needs to change and really sitting with that and being feeling like if you've got that the reason why that's really important because that's what's going to keep you like on the right path having like you know being writing down all the reasons that alcohol is stealing your joy, writing down a kind of list of like, these are the benefits.

8:11I'll have more money. I'll have more time. I'll have my weekends back. I'll be able to do that thing that alcohol is holding me back from doing. So I think that's quite a good place to start. And then just surrounding yourself with lots of information, getting curious because that mindset shift that reframe is so powerful and when you actually realize the power in the decision you can make for yourself every time you say no thank you I don't drink it's really powerful and it just feels so scary but until you're on the other side of it yeah until you actually do it it's like any big changes and I remember when I left corporate it's actually quite similar I remember feeling like I couldn't imagine how am I gonna do how How will I do life now?

8:56Who's going to pay me and what's going to happen? And I felt so afraid. And then the moment I was on the other side of that, I was like, oh, it's totally fine, actually. And there's all these amazing opportunities. And you realise that you can connect with the sober community. And there are so many people, especially I've really realised mums and women, particularly who feel affected by this kind of grey area drinking. When you don't think you're an alcoholic, you don't think you need to go to rehab, but you have developed a habit of drinking and it's causing you problems yeah and you don't know how to stop and you always go back to it because it's what you know and I would say you know get support because it is it's a challenge and whether that's a friend or it's a therapist or it's going to AA because AA is for lots of different drinking problems it's not just someone you're drinking every morning you know and sneaking vodka into that orange juice and drinking around the clock it's for it's for disordered drinkers as well so there's lots of other different groups too there's sober coaches that do one-to-one coaching but also do courses there's apps books podcasts just get informed I think just surround yourself with the information really look at your social life what you're saying yes to what is actually going to be kind in that beginning you know when you start when you stop drinking there are things that will feel maybe too challenging to go to without a drink and it's actually just being kind to yourself sometimes say no to things and start actually prioritizing yourself and not feeling like you've got to please everyone all the time that was the episode i hoped you loved it if you did please make sure you subscribe and i will see you next time