MOMENT | Maternity Service: The Reframe That Changes Everything

0:07Hi everyone, it is your host Zoe here. Welcome, welcome, welcome. It's Monday which means it is Motherkind moment day, your little shot of inspiration on a Monday. Today is with Emma Barnett. She's an incredible journalist. You probably know her from Woman's Hour and the author of an amazing book called Maternity Service. And this little snippet this morning is to remind you that what you do for your children, and let's be honest, society is a service, especially in that first year when And it is definitely maternity service, not maternity leave. Here it is.

0:49So I suspect that we have something in common, which is a love of language and words. And I write in the start of my book that words make worlds. and it's so fascinating to me how one switch from maternity leave to maternity service completely reframes the whole thing. How did you get that genius insight? Well, I started writing quite frantically at the start of a heat wave. So I was on my own with both children because my husband was doing a business course and I was with the baby who was our daughter, who's six months at this point, and our son, who was five, and I had to pick up every day. And I was doing that most days anyway, but this was a really intense week.

1:36So I went at the start of the week and bought a few bottles of rose, bought some chub rub shorts from Marks and Sparks to deal with the heat, and lots of walking. And then I decided to try and write down my experience of maternity leave. And two days into writing, and I was just writing in snatched moments, notes and observations I'd had, I had this thought that actually it was more like service. And there were elements of it that were very service-like, sort of kit, uniform, being prepared for anything, sacrificing a lot of what you had thought of as yourself. And I think what was interesting is when I started writing, which is why I think if you do need something or want to do something for yourself sometimes, it can be good just to start because you don't know what's going to happen, especially when you're in the love trench that is motherhood and new motherhood.

2:32I actually felt my brain starting to wake up again, you know, like the neural pathways refiring. And I do think a lot of this time, although you're having hormones and new experiences and your brain, we know, is changing, which I know you've talked about and looked at with matrescence and that whole process, you are also quite deadened and you are on standby mode. And I was so excited just to have a bit of a fresh thought. And that's where it really began. Yeah, it's so true that I actually experienced my maternity services as quite a creative time. And I've heard lots and lots of mothers talk about that, that there was something, maybe it was the sleep deprivation that a lot of those blocks to my creativity or what you have to say doesn't matter.

3:20And all that internal dialogue seemed to shift a bit for me in my maternity services that did allow a creativity to come through and definitely saved me too. Was that your experience? Yes and no. I mean, I think there were just hours and hours and days and days of walking. You know, there was lots of talking as well. And I think once you could turn your mind to something, yes. But I think what you're talking about is also the symptom of perhaps sleep deprivation, the awareness that you've done something incredible, the no shits left to give because there's so much shit around you, perhaps, you know, there's a, there's a layer of life taken off you as you give life that perhaps opens you up in a slightly different way.

4:05And it, you know, I totally understand women who find or could on the surface find it annoying or irritating when people produce anything else during this time you know I get that because most of the time I was in survival mode for the very small person I had managed finally to create and and for our older child but I do know what you mean about there just being something sometimes a bit more unblocked

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4:45so I'm so curious because I've done a lot of reading about you obviously in preparation for this and I am fascinated to understand your two experiences of matrescence and how that has changed you as a person and a broadcaster and a professional? How is the Emma of pre-children different to the Emma sat in front of me today? Well, I think it's a really interesting question for me. And thank you for saying maternity service for trying it out with me and using the phrase, because I think for me, it's a reframe. And the reason I wanted to put it out in the world, apart from this being a portrait of my type, is I'm astonished that more portraits don't exist in some ways.

5:28If you'd been on a six month or year long tour of something else, there'd be photos, there'd be recollections, there'd be stories, but women are then going back into the next thing, whether it's their job or a bit more of what they were doing before and a bit less in other ways. And so I wanted to put this out in the world. I wanted to reframe because I felt in answer to your question, blindsided by this experience the first time round and also blindsided the second time round. And I remember going into Waterstones in Manchester, where I'm from, and I was working at the BBC in Manchester a couple of days a week at this point.

6:03And I used to work at a station called Five Live. And I walked in and I said to the guy on the desk, have you got a book that isn't about babies, isn't about parenting, but is about the woman becoming a mother? Have you got something about me being pregnant and the internal story of that? And I didn't know what I was asking for, but effectively I was asking for something about matrescence and I didn't know that word yet either. And this poor guy just took me to the parenting section and there were many of the books that I knew of already, having worked on Woman's Hour for many years before I joined it full time and also just as a a curious interested reader and feminist they were what I was looking for and I only discovered this word maybe two or three months into my first tour loving tour of duty as I now like to refer to it and it was like a light went on and I was reading everything I could and I think it's as you know and you will have talked about with your listeners it's a process and adolescence is a process and And I felt like I needed to have acknowledged the abnegation of self and the development of myself.

7:22And I didn't know that when my first child was born, there was also a death. There was a death of who I was. And then there was a rebirth of who I was to become. And of course, many things carried over. But there is an interim stage where you really don't know what's going to be left. A bit like when you put glue on a piece of paper and put some sand on it. the shaking off takes some time.

7:50What an incredible episode. I hope you loved it too. If you've got this far, then I am guessing that you did. So make sure that you share it with a friend and subscribe so you never miss an episode. And I will see you Thursday for more. See you next time.