MOMENT | Motherhood doesn’t end ambition – it asks you to define it with The Squiggle Careers Experts

0:07Sarah Ellis:Hi everyone, it is your host Zoe here. Welcome, welcome. It's Monday, which means it's Mother Kind Moment Day, your little shot of inspiration on a Monday. Today's moment is with Helen and Sarah of Squiggly Careers. They are incredible experts on career change. And what you're about to hear is so powerful. It's a cheat code really for how to make career decisions in the early years. Here it is.

0:43Zoe Blaskey:We do find squiggly careers are for everyone and they are everyone's reality. We talk to people all across the world at loads of different stages in their career and everyone identifies with you know there's no such thing as a straight line to success. We all develop in different directions I just wonder whether sometimes as a mum that the connection of a squiggly career happens very quickly because your life gets quite squiggly. You know, this big moment or kind of shift in your life. There's kind of a very clear before and after. I read something the other day about like before kids and after kids, which I can definitely still remember.

1:20Zoe Blaskey:And I think at that moment, and it's not just for mums, I think it's for anyone who's kind of caring or parents generally. your priorities of course change in some way there's kind of a new a new area to consider and it's not something the way you can usually just act exactly the same as you did before for the majority of people there are some different decisions or some kind of choices like how do we kind of how do I make my kind of life now all work together now I don't think that means that you stop being motivated and I really remember having a conversation with somebody where my number one value is achievement and Helen's number one value is achievement.

1:59Zoe Blaskey:And my number one value after having Max, my little boy, was still achievement. And I am as driven and as motivated now as I was when I was 25. I'm probably more driven and motivated, actually, than I probably always got it in me. But it's probably more obvious and kind of evident now. So I don't know. I think maybe I think it's a very kind of personal perspective. You do hear some people say, oh, you know, all of my priorities changed. That wasn't true for me. That wasn't my experience. I was probably the same. What I had to then just figure out though was then, but I still want to be present for my little boy.

2:36Zoe Blaskey:And I still want to be there for the moments that matter. That's kind of a phrase that I use. And like, also, what does this mean for me, like in terms of my life and not feeling the pressure to sort of do what other people do and I think you sometimes do get questions I do remember quite a few times when I first had Max the head tilt the classic head tilt of um I went back to work full time quite quickly because I wanted to and when I would tell people that they'd give me the head tilt and be like oh that's a shame you know like head to the side and I'd be like not for me it's not because it's it's exactly what I want to do and so you know that somehow you are suddenly going oh wow I'm being judged in a way that I wasn't being judged before and maybe got pressures from outside that I also don't need in a moment that is already quite pressured.

3:25Zoe Blaskey:So it's funny, like the amount that you have to kind of deal with, I think, particularly when you're, or for me, when I was a newer parent, and actually I have made some very intentional decisions that are quite different, I think, to other people around what it means to be a mum and to work and to run a company and to spend time with Helen growing Amazing if and scaling amazing if, which wouldn't work for most people, but they do really work for me. So suddenly I just think you've got a sort of cacophony of choices and decisions to make at a moment where also you're getting no sleep, let's face it.

4:02Sarah Ellis:And now a quick word from our sponsors.

4:08Helen Tupper:Do you mind if we stay there for a minute? Because I think that's so interesting because this is what I, you know, we're all coaches. And so, of course, we're obsessed with people making intentional decisions as opposed to just being sort of carried along. And I'm wondering, how did you make those intentional decisions? What were they? And how did you handle all the noise, which is so loud as you're alluding to?

4:31Zoe Blaskey:Yeah, I think for me, and Helen will probably reflect on something similar. I think knowing your values, which are values can found quite abstract or quite hard to get your hands around. But values are really just what motivates and drives you. They're kind of what makes you you. And when your values are part of your life, your work life and your home life, you are just happier. You know, like your job satisfaction, your life satisfaction goes up. And I did know my values by the time I had my little boy. So the things that matter most to me are achievement, ideas, learning and variety. So one of the reasons I did enjoy maternity leave is I had very low levels of variety when I was on maternity leave because Max, my little boy had acid reflux, meant I couldn't go out very much.

5:15Zoe Blaskey:So I was really unhappy, but at least I knew why, which actually did help me. Like I wasn't very happy, but I knew why. And I also knew then what I could do about it. So I got help very quickly. So speed dialed to my mum who doesn't live that close to me, who suddenly I was like, yes, I need you to come help me, please. And credit to her, she absolutely kind of turned up when I needed her. I got some part-time help from a lady who was also pregnant, but was a primary school teacher. So, was not phased at all in the same way that I was phased by this kid being sick all the time. So, I could ease my way back into work a bit quicker.

5:51Zoe Blaskey:And also, I was thinking about kind of the job that I wanted to do next. So, I definitely used my values as a filter for my future, for my decisions. and then also to feel really confident about the decisions that I was making, even when I felt like maybe other people might be judging me or being like, well, everyone else seems to cope. Okay. You know, my, my sister had her little girl and she said the first year of like May, her little girl being born, best year ever. She loved it. She loved maternity leave. She's like, I can't, and she's about to have another baby in two weeks. She's like, I can't wait to have another maternity leave.

6:25Zoe Blaskey:And I'm like, the last thing I would ever want is another maternity leave because I think everyone's experiences are just so different and so I think that those values are really helpful and I think the other thing that helped me was having people to talk to who are on your side and want you to succeed so you know like non-judgmental friends who are just like they're just there to listen and to support you and I've got one particular friend who at that time I think was just she was sort of always there and actually she what she did brilliantly was she sort of forced her way into being there even when I couldn't quite tell her that I needed her and I think that I needed that at that moment I needed someone to be like how are you doing and you've got a bit quiet you know like noticing that perhaps I wasn't quite myself and also kind of giving me like the nudges sometimes the nice nudges to be like well if you're not that happy why don't you get some help and why don't you start doing a bit of work a bit sooner because you like love work and it's a big part of who you are and so she gave me those nice nudges but I don't think I was quite I don't think I quite had the mental capacity to ask for that in that moment so I think we all need that friend and it's not always the person you think but she was very good in that moment well I'm keep thinking about the word permission

7:37Helen Tupper:as I'm listening to your story I just love that you gave yourself that permission because I think so many of us put ourselves in this prison of how we should feel yeah and what we should want and I just love that you use your values to sort of release yourself from that that cage

7:57Sarah Ellis:what an incredible episode I hope you loved it too if you've got this far then I am guessing that you did so make sure that you share it with a friend and subscribe so you never miss an episode and I will see you Thursday for more see you next time