MOMENT | The Biggest Mistakes I've Made Growing Motherkind

0:08Hi everyone, Zoe here. Welcome, welcome. It's Monday, which means it's Motherkind. moment day. These are little snippets of powerful conversations and today the guest is me. This is a snippet from our work series back in June where I shared my work story with Mullerkind. I'll be honest, I really wasn't sure if you'd be interested but this is actually one of the most listened to episodes of the year. So in this short clip of that full episode I described some really personal behind the scenes of what was happening as I was growing Motherkind and how I have tried and often failed to build Motherkind in a way that works for me and our family.

0:51So you are going to love this short moment if you work for yourself or you want to. I hope you love this little shot of inspiration this morning. Here it is. And make sure to subscribe so you never miss a Monday moment ever again.

1:112018 to 2021 I call the brutiful years they were so beautiful that chapter but they were also absolutely brutal and the first thing that happened a bit of a trigger warning here on miscarriage was that in 2018 I had two miscarriages it was really really harrowing traumatic experience both times and I managed to keep the podcast going week in week out they really cracked me open I don't think I gave myself enough time to grieve properly and about a year later I actually went into some specialist therapy to help me grieve those miscarriages because I realized I just kept going and I do remember recording episodes kind of trying to fight back the tears and not really knowing how can I hold space for my community for others for my listeners when I'm crumbling behind the scenes but what happened was the podcast became my lifeline and my way to stay connected and to keep moving through and it was the messages from the community from you guys from our listeners that kept me going and you know what's wild is I've never missed a week in eight years and sometimes I think that's incredible other times I think you really need to give yourself a bit of a break girl but I haven't missed a week in eight years and then in 2019 my youngest was born right at the end of 2019 so we had two miscarriages and then fell pregnant stayed pregnant had her in December 2019 and this is something that I got very wrong so the podcast when I was about four or five months pregnant started to go viral I'd done a Dr.

3:02Gabor episode I had millions of new listeners and I thought I can't stop this now this is like the dream I am reaching so many people I'm starting to get known you know journalists are reaching out brands like this is everything that I have dreamed of I'm having exactly the impact that I want to have and I don't believe in regrets but I do wish that I had had a longer maternity leave. I think I was back recording, I want to say after maybe three weeks, which is actually crazy. And I would do that so differently now. I can see looking back now, how I was in quite a lack mindset. I remember thinking if I pause this for three months, four months, five months, six months, I'm going to lose all my listeners.

3:49I'm going to lose all the momentum and I'm never going to build it back up. And that is such lack. Now I'd think to myself, no you live your message first you take a proper break knowing that you can just pick up where you left off but I didn't do that and it cost me to be honest I was exhausted and I don't think I did a very good job on either I didn't do a good job on keeping the podcast going and I didn't do an amazing job I don't think in those early months with my youngest because I was trying to do too I was too distracted. But then two months after that, lockdown happened. So we happened to be at Guy, my husband's parents.

4:32And so we just stayed there. So we did lockdown with them, which was amazing because we got a little bit of childcare with the grandparents. Guy is an entrepreneur. He was at the time, he had a dog food business and that was just crazy trying to steady that ship. and so he was kind of pretty unavailable I had a four-month-old and a five-year-old and I had to keep mother kind going I decided I was going to keep it going again looking back I wonder if I should have been a bit easier on myself and thought I'm just going to pause this through lockdown but I didn't I also have felt and feel such responsibility to my community to my listeners to everyone who kind of consumes my content.

5:16And I didn't want to abandon everyone in our absolute time of need. So I set about doing special episodes for lockdown. And at that time, I spoke to Glennon Doyle, which was incredible. I did an amazing episode about emergency schooling. I did an amazing emergency episode on the mental load with Eve Rodsky. It was brilliant. And it was really, really, really hard. Because I was sleep deprived, I was going through my second matrescence shift from one child to two and if you have done that you will know what a massive deal that is I actually think it's maybe more challenging than going from zero to one I don't know what you guys think about that you know this is why school is such a brutiful period because it was so beautiful like I'd had these two miscarriages I had my little sunshine rainbow baby she was incredible.

6:07I had such a healing birth with her. She's just pure light, my youngest, like she is next level. And at times it was really, really, really hard. And I definitely would have quit if it wasn't for the messages from the community that were keeping me going. And I kept myself going. So I'm kind of, it's a both and I'm really proud of myself. And I wished that I had paused a bit more.

6:34And now a quick word from our sponsors.

6:41So then post lockdown, we did a massive relocation. We moved from London to the seaside. I didn't know a soul when we moved here. It was huge for me and I experienced burnout. And I talk about that quite a lot in the book. So definitely go and have a look at that chapter about how that burnout happened and how I recovered from it but this is why I'm so passionate about talking about burnout because again it really it seriously seriously challenged me and I've had to work really hard at letting go of any guilt that I feel about how I showed up for my kids in that season like they really needed me when we moved and I wasn't there for them exactly how I wanted to be because I was burnt out because I was you know keeping the podcast going there was also tons of opportunities flying in with corporate talks and sponsors and coaching and the business was really expanding and growing and I was also holding this whole relocation and it actually wasn't too much I think it's possible to hold both those things but I hadn't learned yet about releasing the stress I hadn't learned about completing the stress cycle.

7:54So I was just holding it. And that's where this kind of sponge analogy came from that you might have heard me talk about before, where I was just absorbing, absorbing, absorbing, absorbing until I couldn't do it anymore because I wasn't wringing out the sponge. I wasn't doing anything for me. I was like, I've just got to get through this really busy season. I kept saying it. I've just got to get through. I've just got to get through. And I wonder if you relate to that. I've just got to get through. And then I couldn't get through anymore because my body said no just like you know Dr. Gabor teaches us when the body says no my body says no so I recovered from that and then in 2024 had the biggest year ever because I launched the book which was a dream since I was about five but there were lots and lots lots of trade-offs you know it was in the summer holidays so that meant a lot more child care than my kids are used to in the holidays.

8:43It was really busy, but it was 100 % worth it. And I intentionally slowed down at the start of 2025. And I love thinking about that. And that is a privilege of having your own business is that you can think about your work in sprints, you can think about your work in seasons. And that is how I like to think about it. So I absolutely sped up for all of the book. And then I slowed down and I'm speeding up again now, which takes me to today. So I mean, today, it feels incredible if I'm honest I've got more child care than I've ever had because my little one started school there are so many exciting things coming down the line I'm more excited than ever about mother kind and I love it oh that was a lot that is my career and my axis of motherhood and work for the past nine years but I wanted to do a sort of wrap-up reflection on some things I've got right and some things I've got wrong because I'm wondering if it might help some of you feel seen you might agree you might disagree but it might be a really interesting kind of thought starter so some things that I've got right is that I always knew I wanted to work I will be honest with you I haven't always needed to work but I have always wanted to and I think knowing myself in that way that I am someone who needs that outlet of work has really served me because I've never had that oh am I gonna leave paid work and just be you know all the time with the kids that was never a decision with me my decision was more how much child care and how much work and that's the other thing that I've got right I think is that I have built up my child care as my kids have got older so when they were little when my first one was born I did have a big chunk of time out of paid work with her and then I've built it up and ramped it up as I have got along and that is something that I think I've really got right I just know that if I wasn't doing paid work I'd be unhappy I'd be frustrated I love earning I love growing in my career I love who I am at work.

10:52I love that the girls get to watch me grow and they get me to do my own thing, which is full of purpose. And something else that I've got right is that I've done really, really well at being super focused and boundaried. So if you work with me, if anyone ever works with me, you will notice I don't have many meetings. I am super clear about what my focus is. And I'm very, very, very boundaried with my time. So I've between nine and three, four days a week, I am working. If you ask me for a coffee or a meetup or something in those hours, the answer will be no, politely and respectfully. Those are my work hours and I protect those because then that boundary allows me to then finish work, be with the kids every day after school, be with them at the weekends and be with them at the holidays.

11:40So I've really tried to design the business that works around my life. That is absolutely a massive privilege. I also think it's possible because I'm doing it. So it must be possible. And I've designed the business. So I have 90 % of the holidays off, which also feels really, really good. The other thing I've got right is I've always had supports. I've always got coaches. I've always got mentors. I'm always reading. I'm always learning. I'm always stepping into what's possible. What can I learn? What can I experiment with? And I think that mindset of there is no pass, there is no kind of pass or fail there's no getting it right there's no getting it wrong there's just trying lots of different things and experimenting seeing what comes back and I think you can absolutely do this whatever work environment you're in or not you can absolutely start experimenting you know what happens if I just for the next five things that I listen to or read is about possibility and growth or what happens if I set a boundary what happens if I you know spend one evening a week working on a dream that I've got.

12:44I think mindset is 90 % of feeling like you can thrive at work and in parenting.

12:56What an incredible episode. I hope you loved it too. If you've got this far, then I am guessing that you did. So make sure that you share it with a friend and subscribe so you never miss an episode. And I will see you Thursday for more. See you next time.