Moment | The Small Shift That Changed Everything for Roxie Nafousi

0:07Hi everyone, it is Zoe here. Welcome, welcome. It's Monday which means it's Motherkind moment day. These are little snippets of powerful conversations and today is with the incredible Roxy Nafuse. I chose this short clip from our original episode as a reminder that you can instantly change how you feel just by changing your habits in small simple ways. I hope you love this little shot of inspiration this morning. Here it is and make sure to subscribe so you never miss a Monday moment ever again. Here it is.

0:43this phrase that I love and it says new level new devil and the reason I love that so much is because every time you go up a level in your life you know you have another child or you have a first child or you find a career you love or you leave your job and you you know whatever it is every time you go up a level without doubt you are faced with all the stuff that stopped you getting there sooner it's almost like you say in step four the tests from the from the universe that's that's what it is isn't it and I feel like you know I've had the same trajectory and you're right you know I think there's this myth that self-development is is something that you do and then you're done and you carry on with your life and that is not my experience at all sometimes like you remember that game at the fair where you had to like keep whacking and every time you whack something another one would pop up it's like that it's like that you're like I'm gonna to work on my confidence and then suddenly something else pops up and then you're going to work on that and then you're going to it's just it's a yeah it's a way to live is the way that I see it not like a tick box not a tick box so you talked about your recovery from Burnett talk to us more about that because I think lots of people relate to that feeling of just foggy-headed overwhelmed getting through the days but not really connecting with it and not really enjoying it yeah so what so you talked about meditating what else are some of the things that you've done to help you move through that well I think there was loads of things I did and I would say that the first step by the way is really making this decision with yourself is like I know I'm feeling burnt out and only I can get myself out of this situation it's like you because I think I know a lot of women in my life or people close to me or who are burnt out, who are exhausted, but they don't do anything about it.

2:33They just, you know, and they don't want, and this isn't like a judgment of them because I've been there before where I was just stay in victim mentality, but they don't, because it feels like where am I going to find the time to make this change or bring in these little routines? And that like keeps you stuck. And so it has to start with this decision. It's like, no, I'm going to take responsibility. I no longer want to feel this way. I actually want to wake up with energy again. I actually want to wake up with a zest for life. I actually want to like enjoy being around my kids again. I want to enjoy going to work.

3:07So it has to start first with this real decision to take responsibility and do that. And then it's finding and committing to these little tools that will help you. So for example, I mean, Wade has been saying to me to use this bed of nails for like six months. He's like, seriously, he's like, you have such bad back problems like you would really benefit from it I'm telling you or relax you I was like oh no no no and then I was like wait a second why aren't I doing something that I know would be good for me let me just try it so I started with five minutes in the morning and I lay there and I thought well what I'll do is I'll put on a meditation while I'm doing it hit two birds with one stone and um you know that first five minutes and this will happen for most people who start meditating I was thinking about what I was going to cook for lunch.

3:54I was thinking about the emails I got to send. I actually felt more anxious at the end of the first time I did it because I started thinking about all these things to do with work. But that's fine. It's normal. Our minds are so busy. And especially if we haven't been meditating before, if we've had a big break for it, if we've never done it, you know, it's something that doesn't come naturally to us. But I sat there and I stayed the five minutes. The next day I did five minutes, but I found my mind was a little bit quieter. The next day I did seven minutes. Then I did 10 minutes and I was playing manifesting meditations.

4:24And then I did one on Saturday and I fell asleep and had a 25-minute nap. And it was amazing. And obviously my body really needed it. But I just kept committing to it and practicing. And I wake up at 5 before Wolfie wakes up and I get straight on it now and make sure I do it. And if I wake up a bit late and I've got to get Wolf straight ready for school, then I do it just quickly when I come back. obviously if you don't have you know I work for myself so it's different if I don't have to go straight to an office but you could always do it at the end of the day just before bed but finding that time um so meditation has absolutely there's just so much research on how well it calms your nervous system another thing that I just did was just really simple was I was just turning my phone off at 9 p.m so I was getting really into watching like reels and scrolling through thinking that I was kind of winding down because I was laughing so much and I'd be like in like in hysterics like laughing at these like funny reels but actually I was so overstimulated I also stopped I went through which I haven't done for years and I don't know what possessed me but I started reading the Daily Mail but not the showbiz you know there's like awful stories on the home page that's like these like random like freak accidents or like these really like horrible stories and there's something kind of compulsive about reading these stories and then you read another story and there's something kind of and I realized that afterwards I was getting really hyper paranoid I wish I never am like I don't have any kind of even though what happened I have no health anxiety I don't worry about those kind of like I'm not a paranoid person I don't worry about those things it was changing the way I was like thinking and viewing the world.

6:12I wasn't sleeping well. So I made sure I didn't read that or any other kind of site like it. So setting boundaries. Um, and me and Wade have been doing this like four hour, sometimes it's not quite for us, sometimes it's two, but a little swap on the weekend. So I'm like, okay, you take some hours for yourself. He goes to the gym, does a sauna I go do a class have a smoothie just have just a couple of hours to myself and that has it's so it's so funny just all we need honestly all us mom needs is like two hours to ourselves and we're like brand new I think it's so underestimated the nervous system impact of being around young children that we love because it just is constant.

7:05They need us constantly, rightly so. And even when they're at school, we're not switching off. You or I would stop this instantly if we got a call from our schools. You're always on. And I think, yeah, that's completely underestimated. And tell me about boundaries because I think that is something that almost universally mothers listening to this struggle with. it's hard to work out what they should be what's okay and I think the hardest thing about setting boundaries isn't setting them it's holding them when other people start reacting to them so tell us what you've learned about setting boundaries because I think that's foundational for avoiding burnout yeah absolutely well you know I think that essentially a boundary is just putting something in place that allows you to prioritize yourself and your well-being and I think it's first recognizing kind of what in our life is causing us this like stress is causing us is taking us over the edge right so what is that thing that just like pushes you over and it might be that you have a friend that is constantly calling you every night because they need to like vent or unload on you but actually or it might be a family member or it might be you know whoever but actually at the end of the day you just need that moment to unwind yourself because you've been giving out to everyone else all day and I think you know people will set boundaries in different ways everyone needs different boundaries but I think it's it's essentially just recognizing that you deserve to put them in place and it doesn't make you a bad person or rude or unkind by saying no to somebody or by saying, actually, I don't want to do this.

8:49Actually, I don't want to go over to your house on the weekend for a play date because I just want to have some like family time and, you know, or I don't want to go for dinner or I don't want to talk to you on the phone right now. I don't want to go through a million WhatsApp group texts and have to feel I need to reply because I need that time to myself. But once you recognize that you're and try and say it to yourself use it as an affirmation you know I honor my needs I am deserving of self-respect I deserve to put myself first you know remind yourself of that yeah and I think that's where it gets hard with boundaries because if you've come from you know where you and I have which is really low esteem you need a certain amount of esteem to set a boundary because if you don't have it well what tend to what used to happen to me when I first started is I'd set a boundary say no and then the other person would go really oh come on and go okay then because i didn't have that sense that really strong foundational sense that no i'm allowed i am allowed and worthy and deserving of choosing what i do regardless of other people's reaction i think those of us who who you know were people pleasers as a result of that low esteem it's quite a hard pattern to break isn't it yeah yeah absolutely and I think I love that somebody wrote actually on one of my posts no is a complete sentence and I was like oh my god I love that you can just say no to someone without having to come up with a million excuses like you can just say no I can't sorry you know and that's enough