Stop Doubting Yourself: The Simple Habit That Builds Real Confidence.

0:00Shop the Sherwin-Williams Labor Day sale and get 35 % off paints and stains August 28th through September 9th. Whether you're refreshing your interior or exterior, we've got the colors to bring your vision to life. And with delivery, getting everything to your door is easier than ever. Shop online to have it delivered or visit your neighborhood Sherwin-Williams store. Click the banner to learn more. Retail sales only. Some exclusions apply. See store for details. Delivery available on qualifying orders.

0:31one of the biggest myths we're sold is that confidence is something you either have or you don't welcome i am zoe i'm so happy you're here on this mother kind moment on a monday all the m's we're taught aren't we that some people are naturally confident and the rest of us are just trying to catch up i don't believe this is true in this moment i'm joined by confidence expert Lauren Curry, OBE, who shares one of the most powerful reframes I've heard on this topic. She explains why so many mothers feel like they've lost their confidence after having children, why that's not a personal failing, and why confidence is actually something you can build, just like any other skill.

1:13I love this conversation because it's incredibly hopeful. If you've been feeling smaller, second-guessing yourself, or wondering whether you'll ever feel like yourself again. Lauren's message is simple. Your confidence hasn't disappeared. It's a muscle and you can strengthen it. So I hope you love this moment. If you did, please go and listen to the full conversation. It is linked in the show notes. I hope you enjoy.

1:43The truth that you just shared, that confidence is the consistent theme, the consistent topic of conversations with new mothers but also mothers with children of any age you know I think because it's such a it's such a presence in our lives as women as we are navigating the world as we're building our careers as we're navigating parenthood and we live in a world that is fundamentally unkind to mothers and I think for a lot of women when they become a mother for the first time that can be a very confronting upsetting often quite shocking revelation and I do see what comes next though is the fun bit or the the exciting bit which is you know the truth will set you free what is it they say the truth will piss you off and then it'll set you free because there's so there's a lot of power and freedom that comes with understanding that you know this is a systemic issue and confidence is a structural issue you know we need to start treating it as a structural outcome rather than a personality trait and so you know me and you I've had lots of conversations over the years about how motherhood and confidence intersect.

3:15And I think it's a huge, a huge conversation that's so important. And I think it's amazing that you're zooming in on work and thinking about confidence in the context of work. I'm excited to have that conversation. What is confidence by your definition? Because I think you just said there, it's systemic, it's not a trait. And I think that is the first place that we get tripped up because mothers will say to me I'm not confidence that sort of fixed mindset so what is confidence true confidence so at Upfront we define confidence as learning to trust yourself and we believe that confidence is a skill that you can learn and it is a muscle that you can build So the same way we learn to breastfeed and change nappies and manage to get to the school run on time every day, most days, it is a skill that you learn and it is a skill that you learn through practice.

4:17I think confidence as a practice is the message I want to get to every mother who's listening today. It is a practice that you form rhythms and rituals around and that practice leads to behavior change, both big and small. Because the other thing that we hear all the time to build on what you shared, that you hear this, you know, I've lost all my confidence. we also hear I'm never going to get it back because when you motherhood is such a transformative experience in both good ways and bad and you know the mother's listening will I'm sure really be able to identify with those scary moments where you feel like you've lost yourself you realize you're not the person that you were before you had your babies and that can come with this narrative of I'll never get that confidence back And that can be a really scary idea to hold.

5:18And so I want to say to everybody listening, you can get it back and you will get it back because it's a muscle that you can build and it's a skill that you can practice.

5:34How do we get it back? And I would say even stronger than before. Of course, of course. And stronger than before and in different shapes. and sizes and forms as before like I always say confidence isn't something that you can graduate from like I can't give you a gold star in confidence if I could I would be that woman giving everybody a gold star because it's a practice it means that there is there's no final destination we'll never wake up one day and our confidence work will be done like I have been doing work around confidence building Upfront for nearly 10 years. And the world is totally different than it was when Upfront started 10 years ago.

6:24Women are still walking through the world with this deep seated belief that low confidence, lack of self-belief, low self-esteem, imposter syndrome is their fault and it's something that we internalize as a failing on our part and of course agency is important we all have personal responsibility and we all have far more agency than we realize but a huge part of this conversation is systemic and is structural it is very difficult to be confident when you are exhausted when you're depleted when you are showing up every day without the support that you need and we know from all of the data that that is the case for many many mothers all over the world you know mothers are not getting the resource and support that they need emotionally financially structurally and so it's a ripe conditions for our confidence to start to disappear in those moments and so how you get it back is by doing confidence is it's a practice and it's about the actions that you take day after day month after month week after week and these actions and these mindset shifts and these beliefs will start to change how you show up in the world.

7:54And we've had over 11 ,000 bonders have gone through our bond, our six-week bond program, which teaches confidence. And there's so many stories that I could tell you about what the consequences of those actions are, whether it's you become somebody who sends emails without second-guessing and over-analyzing and sending them to three other people to read before you send, whether it's you become the person that got the tattoo that you wanted to get since you were 18 whether you become the person who leaves the toxic relationship who builds the business or who actually just starts to ask for the flavor of ice cream that they want even though they know that there's not much of that flavor left like it's it's from it's the really big significant visible things to the much smaller micro moments and I'm always really interested in those micro moments like those moments where you stop saying sorry unnecessarily like that's one of our missions up front and when you join a bond there is a rule we only have one rule and the rule is you are not allowed to apologize for six weeks and I am blown away every single bond by the power of just that even if you just do that and nothing else that will change your confidence 100 because we think that these little words like just is one that i've really tried to take out of my language i'm just a mum or can i just speak or i just need to it's like so like i'm making myself really small and i've just completely taken that out of my language because language is so important

9:40that was the episode i hoped you loved it if you did please make sure you subscribe and i will see you next time