The Lie of Work-Life Balance (And What Actually Works) with Rachael Twumasi-Corson

0:07Welcome to this episode of Motherkind. I am so happy you are here. It is me your host Zoe. We are proudly sponsored by Wild Nutrition Women's Supplements. I have an incredible episode for you this week. If you're a working mum who's ever felt like you're barely holding it all together, if you are constantly juggling work, kids, ambition, and let's face it, your own sanity, then this is the episode for you. Today, you're about to meet Rachel Chumasi-Colson, an entrepreneur, fractional executive, mum of four and the definition of a powerhouse. She started her first business at 18 because the hair products on the market were literally burning her scalp.

0:51And fast forward to now, she's built multiple companies, raised VC funding, and she's been pregnant, breastfeeding, leading board meetings, and raising humans all at the same time. But don't worry, this is not an episode about finding balance or doing it all. Rachel's actually calling BS on all of that. Instead, she's got something way more real to talk to us about, work, life, harmony. And she's breaking it down, quite frankly, like no one else I've heard, what it actually looks like to be successful without losing yourself or the mother you want to be. This conversation is packed with honesty, practical tools, tons of compassion and heart and some serious wisdom.

1:39If you've ever wondered how the hell you are supposed to do it all, or more importantly, if you even want to, then this is the episode to be your permission slip to redefine success on your terms. You are going to love it. Let's get into it.

2:03Rach, I'm so excited to meet you and to chat. And I wondered if we should start with you just telling us a bit about your story and who you are. And then I really want to dive into work and motherhood because you have a lot to say. Start off with your story then to introduce you. Okay, so I'm Rachael Chamassi-Corson. I'm an entrepreneur, fractional executive, and mum of four. So I currently run three businesses. But to tell you my story about my entrepreneurial journey, we'll go back to when I was 18. So I started my first company, Afrocentrics, when I was 18. I was in law school and I used to chemically straighten my hair and I was allergic to the chemical I was using.

2:51So I would end up with scabs on my scalp, with burns on my neck. It was really awful. And I found out that lots of people were reacting to this chemical because it's harsh it's harsh yeah it's sodium hydroxide it's the active ingredient in drain unblocker and oven cleaner so I ended up making products to help me to look after my hair just with a friend at uni to look after my natural hair in its natural state and this then turned into a company I won this prize for ethical and sustainable business innovation from the university registered the business and no one took it seriously because here I was a law student with no, you know, cosmetic science background, did a few sciences at A-level.

3:28That was kind of it. And I taught myself how to make products. I taught myself how to run a business, how to code, how to set up a website. And it grew to the point where we were the first brand of our type to be in the high street, in the British high street. So we launched in Whole Foods. We got a contract with Selfridges. We were in all these amazing places where I couldn't, you know, have dreamed of having the business and it was not an overnight success. It took about, you know, 15 years of hard graft to get to that point. So when I started the business, I was a kid, I was 18. I didn't really know what I was doing.

4:04By the time we signed the contract with Selfridges, I had two young children and I was pregnant with twins. So work and motherhood is my favourite topic. I've learned a lot about it the hard way and I've made a lot of mistakes. I've learned a lot about what not to do and I've learned a lot about what really does help. So I try to have an approach where I don't look for balance. You know, balance, I think, is a bit of a myth for mums that comes up all the time. It just makes us feel like we're all over the place and failing. I love the phrase work-life harmony. And that's what I pursue in my work, whether it's as a consultant, as a public speaker, or when I step into companies as a fractional executive, I'm aiming for harmony in my life rather than balance.

4:51What is harmony? Sure. So harmony is, it's a musical word, right? And we know the difference intuitively between harmony and discord. If we hear sounds, if we hear keys, you know, when kids are kind of smashing on a keyboard, you can hear when it doesn't sound good and you can hear when it's smooth and it's harmonious. It's similar in our lives. If we're looking for work-life balance, I see that as like walking a tightrope whilst juggling. It doesn't really work. But work-life harmony, it's as though you're conducting an orchestra and different parts play at different times. And that's okay because work-life balance comes with this myth that women can have it all.

5:31And we can't, it's a total lie. You can have what you need. You can have different things at different times. And when you're going for harmony, it's okay. This is going to be a period of time where I spend loads of time with my kids, you know, whether you're on mat leave or you've taken a break. And it may be that actually whilst you're setting up a new business or when you start a new job, you go through a period of time where you see a little bit less of the kids, but the time is more meaningful and you're really pouring into your career. And that can still be beneficial for your kids. That can give you energy and excitement that you can then bring home and you can talk to your kids about how you're living your dreams and talk to them about what they want to do when they grow up.

6:11So with harmony, it's less about time management, because that can be a bit of a myth, more about optimization. It's more about energy management, really, and figuring out how to work with the way that your hormones and your body naturally work. I really like that orchestra analogy, because when I think about it, that is how I live my work life. It's like, right, it's time for you to play now. Like while I'm here recording this podcast two days away from the family but then when I go back it's a holiday and I'll be with them for seven days all day every day and I can see how playing the different parts exactly but I have an awful amount of privilege and so do you because we work for ourselves so if someone has a boss or many bosses as lots of people do these days and they're not in charge of that schedule and that boundaries how can they bring more harmony in do you think sure so I am an entrepreneur However, in that 15 year journey, I had times where I worked for other people.

7:10So when I got pregnant with my first daughter, I was actually working part time at UCL as a student business advisor, helping other students to do what I had done, start and run a business while still completing your degree. You know, we're not all going to be Mark Zuckerberg and drop out. Some of us finish our degrees and set something up. And whilst I was doing that, I found out I was pregnant. I'd just gotten married, you know, just before I handed in my master's thesis. then I started this job where I did my degree and I had to go and you know explain to my boss I was pregnant I ended up leaving that workplace but then that boss saw me I think I was on the BBC talking about something entrepreneurial he called me up and said hey I've set up a new business come and see what I'm doing and I popped in and he was doing this thing gov tech I didn't know anything about gov tech and he basically offered me a job running the community space but I said I've got a four month old baby at home.

8:03I was running my business, but I was also working for someone else. And that's someone else I was working for. It was a tutoring company. I was helping to run their foundation program. But from home, I would often be breastfeeding in bed and my daughter's having a little contact nap and I'm, you know, sorting out the website, SEO, doing things in a way that was work life harmony. I just wouldn't have called it that at the time. Then I got offered this other job. And I thought, I can't see how I can do this. I can work from home and be present and be around and just work during naps. How do I do this here?

8:34And he said, oh, well, there's some space in the office. Bring a playpen, stick it in the corner. Don't they just sleep a lot at this age? And I did it. Yes. So I took her, I took my little baby with me. I was in the office two or three days a week. It was a massive co-working space I was running. So there were all of these organizations there. And people used to joke that, you know, some offices have an office dog. We have an office baby. People would bring in like puzzles and toys for her. They'd be upset if she wasn't there. My husband's a teacher. So during the school holidays, he would spend more time with her and I would go without her and people would be like, where's the office baby?

9:11And it was so interesting because in that time, I learned so much from that boss. And this was a boss who didn't have kids. He wasn't, you know, someone who's kind of particularly liberal or would have described himself as a feminist or anything like that. Very old school style of boss. It's quite an old school idea to suggest that you could just bring the baby in, isn't it? In a way. And yet it really worked. You know, I had had the little cot in the corner. I put some toys in it. So she would nap there. I would tie her to my back. I'm Ghanaian. So, you know, African style. People often didn't know she was there because it was quiet.

9:45And if I needed privacy, I could go breastfeeding in private office. When she was noisy, I'd be like, I'm just going to go for a walk and do my office do my work in the canteen. And that was absolutely fine. So what I then did, because I'd learned to, you know, speak about what I needed to say, I need some more private for this. I can't come in today because of that. Actually voicing what you need is important. So then when my company grew and I finally had my own office, I took that same playpen, I put it in the corner, but I didn't just say it's for my kids. At that stage, I had two. I told my team, you know, as they started to have kids you can bring your kid in if you need to but no pressure it can be stressful having a child in the office depending on that wouldn't have worked for me with my it depends on the child yeah I couldn't have done it with my twins absolutely not even one of them at a time their characters are just so different both of my older two they were very content you know play with lego play with blocks and they had quite a simple routine and rhythm they slept a lot my twins do not they they don't like nap time they fight it and they're super loud they're really really loud my son is loud now as a baby he was an angel so was my daughter so I was able to do quite a lot but if you're in that phase where you know okay I've got a six month old and it's time to go back to work but I don't want to be away from my baby depending on your job you can actually ask if it's okay to work more from home or even to bring your baby in for some of the days.

11:15If you're doing keep in touch days because you're on mat leave, they can't force you to leave your baby at home. So if they ask you to come in, you bring your baby with you. That's kind of the, you have that legal protection. So I would say a lot of it is about communication, but also understanding what you need is the first key thing. So you can try and give that to yourself. If you don't have a supportive work environment, you don't have a supportive work environment, lean on your community, try and figure out how to make things work. But also I'd advise looking for jobs. There are so many workplaces where people really want to do the best by mums.

11:50And I found it wasn't just about being an empathetic leader. I got the most out of my team when I supported them holistically. And I said, your family has to come first. You know, oh, your kid was sick. Your wife's at home with the flu. Work from home. It's absolutely fine. You know, you can dial into meetings. You don't have to be here. But also saying to people, you can bring your kids in. They saw that as me going above and beyond for them. And they went above and beyond for me and for the company. Yeah, it's true. Something that I think I hear, and I wonder if you do too, is so many mums feel almost apologetic about being a mum now.

12:26I'm really sorry. I have to go to nursery. I'm really sorry. My child's unwell. I can't make this meeting. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. And what you're talking about is the exact opposite of that which is being quite loud and proud with the fact that you're a you're a parent now how does someone make that shift from being apologetic and really low in confidence as so many I'd say that's more than a huge dip in your confidence I think it's quite a lot to be coming back from maternity leave you know feeling low in confidence you're still thick in your matricence and your body's not yours and you're sleep deprived to then find that esteem to say this is what I need I'm coming back and I need xyz to me feels like a big ask absolutely it really is and as I said I didn't make that ask it was kind of offered to me and in a way that gave me confidence because I saw oh wow you've worked with me before this this is someone who's been my boss like three times and we still work together sometimes and you've seen that I'm good enough at my job that you don't have any kids.

13:31You don't really know what it's like to have a baby around, but you're willing to try it out because you really want me here. So that gave me a boost. And actually I've seen so many mums who have, I post a lot of content on my Instagram about working with my kids in tow with my kids around me. And during lockdown, when everyone was trying to figure out how do you do this? How do you work with kids around? I started doing, you know, threads on Twitter, posting on Instagram, because I saw people struggling and I thought, I've been doing this for ages. Let me share what I've learned. And actually the amount of people who've said, I didn't know it was okay to do this.

14:07I didn't know it was an option. So I definitely would say that if you're a mum who has that confidence, please talk about it more because we need it. And if you're not a mum who has that confidence, listen to podcasts like this. So the Motherkind podcast is such a great example of so many working mums sharing their stories. I have a podcast, Mum Them Pod, and we invite mums on. They share their birth stories, but they also talk about what it's really like being a working mum. So actually being able to hear those stories, go to mother baby groups, talk to people. So ask for help where you feel safe, you know, in your community.

14:43And that should help you to get that confidence to go and ask for what you need. A really big thing that helped me when I needed to ask various bosses for flexibility before I was full time, you know, working on my own thing was to remember that I'm advocating for my baby. And we all have that, you know, in a lioness that comes out when we give birth, where we're like, I would do anything for this child. So yes, it's for you, but you're asking for your child first and foremost, that usually helps us to overcome the fear and do the brave thing. And once you've done it once, it becomes easier to advocate for yourself more and more.

15:20and actually I think a lot of bosses are impressed by it they're impressed by you standing up and speaking up for yourself so it helps you to be better at your work and to stand out for the right reasons it's so true that and I really like that and that's often what I talk about when I talk about mums prioritizing their emotional health and their mental health it's like if you can't do it for you do it for your children we can borrow that sort of as you say that fierce feeling that we that we have so I want to get more practical about work life harmony yes because I think the reality for the majority of working mothers is that it feels like there's always more plates spinning than capacity a lot of working mothers tell me that they feel like they're constantly lurching from one thing to the other kind of teetering on the edge of burnout often And, you know, having to work late to catch up and then children are up.

16:13And I think that's the reality, isn't it? And so I'm wondering how, what's some practical steps that someone can take to get more of this harmony? Yes. Harmony that we want. Yeah. Very good question. OK, so two kind of big initial practicals. I'm going to talk about one that's more in the moment and one that's more long term and big picture. So the big picture one is to do a priority audit. So in a priority audit, you can do this various different ways. So what I like to do two things, either get a big blank sheet of paper and write down everything I'm spending my time on. Sometimes I even do this with my kids and I'll talk about the way I do it with my kids in a minute.

16:57I do this very honestly. So there's a resource called the Year Compass. yeah you can do it at any point I love the year compass because it says go through your diary and write out what did you actually spend your time on yeah so I'll do a mini version of that with my big sheet of paper what have I spent time on this week I use lots of planners so I'll copy things out from the planner and I also I have like a habit tracker so I'll look at my habits what what habits am I doing what is dropping off once I've done that I like to do something like a wheel of life, which I think a lot of coaches use this tool.

17:28I saw it from a life coach. And I will do the whole, you know, shading in the different areas of my life and think about, you know, how's my will looking? Then it's really, really important to think about the difference between where you are and where you want to be, but also take into account the season you're in. So this is completely different when your kids are little, you know, when they go to school, that's a whole different shift when they move through different year groups, going from primary to secondary is a whole big thing as well for lots of mums. So when you do this audit, you're just trying to better understand what are the different stresses, what are the different joys.

18:06And I would definitely advocate for them doing some journaling. I think a lot of mums know the kind of life that they want to live and have honest conversations with yourself first and then also with your partner, your support network. So I remember doing this in a really big way after I sold my company. And I sold it a lot earlier than I wanted to. So I had raised VC funding. I'd become the ninth black woman in the UK to raise VC funding in a decade. That's incredible. It's incredible and really sad. And really sad. Really sad that less than 0.003 % of VC funding goes to black women. So I felt all this pressure that I had to succeed as a mum, as someone who, you know, was in the papers, was in the public eye.

18:50And then I had these twins and they were really unwell. They needed surgery. I had all sorts of issues and I just I couldn't focus on the company, especially with the economy being a mess and everything being bumpy. So I ended up selling the company and I was so burnt out at that point. I didn't I didn't feel proud of the fact, you know, I'd sold in this three way bid. I felt like a massive failure, which I later learned was part of burnout. And I did this kind of big order and I sat with my husband and I said, I think I need extended maternity leave. So how do we make this work? You know, financially, we'd been used to having two incomes.

19:27And I was in a privileged position where I could say, OK, you have to hold down the four. I'm going to do bits and pieces of inbound work as they come. But this is a time where I'm focusing on the kids and going through that rediscovery of myself after having twins, going from a mum of two to a mum of four. What was that like? Oh, gosh, that's that's I could talk about that for an hour. It was difficult though. It was a really big shift, especially because you get less support with the second or third or fourth child because everyone thinks you have it figured out. And actually no one has twins figured out, but even going from one to two, it's, I've doubled my number of children twice.

20:06It's such a shift in who you are as a person changes in the amount of resource you have changes. So I did this big audit and actually I've got some prompts on my Instagram if you kind of scroll there's some work-life harmony prompts how to get started where you think about doing this all day and you think about things like your energy and even your cycle I've done a post on how to work differently you know during your menstrual phase as opposed to your luteal phase or when you're ovulating and the different types of work you do if you're ovulating that's a great time for meetings for photo shoots you look your best, you feel your best.

20:40And then when you are in your luteal phase, you're not feeling so great, but you're really reflective. And if you don't watch it, you can get into these spirals of, you know, thinking about a conversation you had six years ago. Actually, using that time for retrospectives and audits and reflection is really good. So you can use my audit questions that are on my Instagram or come up with your own. But auditing is a first step. So you can look at what plates am I spinning? What do I need to put down even if it's put it down for now? Yeah. So that's kind of the big one. And the other one is really quick and easy.

21:14That's the more complex one. So a tool I use most days, it's the 5-4-3-2-1. So it takes five minutes. Before you set your five minute timer, you take four deep breaths. And what I like to do is I will breathe in for four, hold for four, release for four. Do that four times. It's easy to remember because it's just for. Then I set my five minute timer. I write down three big things I have to achieve that day. I write down two things I'm going to do that my future self will thank me for and one act of self-care. And there is always time. You always have five minutes to do that. Some days I do find that the three things I've written down, I don't get to achieve more, but I'll make some progress on each of them.

21:55And the two things for my future self, maybe I'll only do one or maybe it's a really small one like put on this low cooker do a food order book a cleaner but those are massive though because those are the things that just run in the background of the tabs that are like there's nothing for dinner there's nothing that'll really stress me out all day yeah so stressful yeah exactly but the big thing is once you've done your five four three two one that's taken five minutes you don't leave it there it's not just another list it's not another tab in your brain you then schedule it in. So I will get out my phone calendar and I'll put these things in.

22:28Or if I'm using a paper diary because I'm at my desk that day, I will physically write down this is the time I'm going to do all of these things. And what you're doing with all of this stuff, we're trying to create harmony is you are scheduling your priorities. Because if you don't, a lot of us, we prioritize what comes up on the calendar. So if my boss has put a meeting in, if, you know, my husband wants to go to dinner, whatever it pops up, you know, the birthday parties, the this, that, and we're pulled in multiple directions, then you're not the conductor of your orchestra, your life. It will be difficult.

23:01You'll be out of harmony. Whereas if you step back and you say, these are the key things. I've done my five, four, three, two, one. I need to schedule in these three things. I need to schedule in my one act of self-care. Even if it's, I'm going to read a book. I'm going to take a lunch break as sometimes, if we're honest, that act of self-care or even 10 minutes even 10 minutes yeah if you don't schedule that in it's not going to happen so schedule it in set alarms if you have to for me a really big one when I was figuring out this whole work-life harmony thing is I love creative writing I'm a big writer I've been writing since I was a kid and I'm working on a novel so for me finding time to write is almost impossible but I have a writing group I now run on the Saturdays and I've scheduled it in and nothing can take up that time because I have a responsibility.

23:48I have to run this group for people. So because of that, it happens. And if there's birthday parties, usually my husband will take the kids. If we both have to take a child to a party, then I'll ask someone else to run it. But then I've missed a week. And because it's in my schedule, most weeks I get to do some writing. It's not in your schedule. It's not going to happen. So do your 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and then schedule in your priorities. It's the same with your audit, whatever comes out of the audit. Because I think most mums, we know deep down what's important. We know we don't want to miss the birthdays.

24:20Okay, so book holiday for all of your kids' birthdays. That's something I do at the start of every year. I book off my birthday, my husband's birthday and my kid's birthday from my calendar so that I'm not stressed. Even if they're at school that day, I want to make sure that I've got time to make everything really nice for them. And I'm not worried or thinking about work that at 3am which you often hear oh my gosh it's so common for mums right yeah but we can think in advance birthdays are the same day every year so we've got that going for us that came out of doing one of my audits so when we do our audits you'll be surprised at what you unearth but we do have those answers deep down sometimes we just need to give ourselves the time and the luxury of thinking you know about our own lives and how we want to conduct it because I think what I hear from so many mothers in our community is your life becomes about your work and your kids yes and ultimately it's so easy to forget and i really like that conductor analogy that we are conducting yes

25:25have you got any advice for someone who really struggles with turning that spotlight back onto oh absolutely herself yes she might be thinking this is selfish this is silly that is me okay great so how did you overcome it i'm such a massive by default i'm a massive people pleaser i'm a major introvert welcome to the club right and i'm and i'm like i'm such a giver but to the point where it's no longer healthy like it's come up in therapy that this is your subservient schema are coming out here. And we have a culture that almost rewards women for being martyrs. But our kids don't need martyrs. They need mothers, right?

26:05They need us to be our whole selves. So what I do now is time playing with the kids. We do things I want to do. So I will go to the bookshop or to the library and I will buy books that I want to read my kids. And when they're really small and they don't really understand, I just read them the novels that I want to read, right um or whichever personal development book i'm working on i mean we were talking earlier about a mutual uh tamu thomas and she's got her book women who who work too much i definitely read that to my twins when they were little they're going to be so radical because i wanted to read it it's like okay i can read it in a sing-song voice for our kids we know that they they don't just need you know food and shelter and clothes right we know they need to do activities they need to do creative things they need to do sport they need to go outside so a quick way to do it is do it with them so I did you know baby yoga with my twins it was a nightmare because they were crawling all over the place but we did it I got to do some yoga and now they'll just do a down dog casually in the corner and it gave me the idea of what else can I do with the kids yeah so I do hockey with my kids now they do hockey and then there's like an adult back to hockey club we do karate together and I'm going through the gradings with my oldest daughter we're kind of competing you can get to a blackout first she doesn't know I'm secretly terrified and I probably I don't know if I'll do that grading but we go through it together we paint together I love painting watercolor paints they dry quickly buy yourself some watercolor paints you can get relatively you know affordable ones we keep the uh you know the plastic tablecloths and birthday parties, the themed ones, any that are not too destroyed, we'll just fold them up and keep them.

27:45They come out for crafting or for science experiment time or for painting. So every now and then it takes about 10 minutes. We put the cloth out, get the paints. I strap the twins into their high chair. Everyone gets paintbrushes and we pick something. We put on some music, flowers. If I've had a bad day, that's what I do with the kids. Because if I try and go and retreat to my room, do some painting by myself, it's not happening. But if I teach them to love an activity that I love, you get an opportunity to do it and it's bonding time and it's good for everybody's mental health and well-being in the house.

28:18So I would say if you're thinking of where do I start, what's a quick thing, grab yourself a watercolors. And when you're doing that, are you able to be present in that or is a part of you running through, okay, so there's dinner in 10 minutes and then there's, I've got to do that email and tomorrow I've got that presentation or are you able to be present with it? I'm present in those types of activities. So I mentioned things like When you're moving your body, you are you're in your body. Something like karate, you have to focus on what you're doing. You have to be in the dojo. Something like painting, you're thinking about the flower.