The "Old You" is Gone, Here's How to Embrace Who You're Becoming

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0:56Yes, please. I know how much of a difference Wild Nutrition has made in my motherhood journey and we want you to experience it too. That's why they're giving Motherkind listeners an exclusive 50 % off for three months and a free personal consultation with a nutritional therapist. Just go to wildnutrition.com forward slash motherkind to get started. That's wildnutrition.com forward slash motherkind so you can feel a difference yourselves start 2026 rooted in wellness t's and c's apply my life stopped when i had kids when you had your twins tell us about that life completely changes when you have your kids jada sayser is an entrepreneur a model a podcast host and un ambassador breaking barriers and empowering women across business and motherhood there was an element of me that really tried to resist this change he is gone but baptism of fire you're going to find this new version of yourself what was that journey like the reframe for me came when i said delegate give yourself grace this is a season of your life can we have it all the how do you do it all is now completely flawed in the question itself and i think a better question is those life skills are so transferable to the workplace how has it changed you and i think motherhood has taught me all of the above how do you share the mental load.

2:17Well Jada I'm so excited to welcome you onto the podcast you're someone that I feel like I know because I've listened to your podcast and followed your work and I'm just so excited to unpack your journey through matrescence which you've spoken about so beautifully you said my life stopped when I had kids when you had your twins tell us about that and why did you use that that kind of word it's a strong word right yeah I think for a lot of people life completely changes when you have your kids and I think for me in this unique pregnancy with twins I was extremely heavy I ended up slowing down as they got bigger and larger and heavier and when I gave birth in the early first few months the life I had before was so different to what it became I was an international model I was flying out every other week I was a creator alongside there that and it just was such a stark contrast to this new life that was in front of me now and I think that's where the oh my god my life stopped comment kind of came from because it was so different and there was an element of me that really tried to resist this change and this new journey this new path I found myself on and hold on to this old identity of somebody that was obsessed and in love with their career and still worked and still tried to create content and have the freedom of travel and I say that travel to the shops down the road without you know having the twins with me or you know and actually that wasn't possible at that early point and I think that's completely normal now now I'm my twins are two and a half year olds but back then in the early days I thought is this my life and what it's going to be like forever but so many women feel like that I felt exactly the same it was almost like going from fifth gear to an emergency stop right and you might get into first gear and you're sort of bouncing I remember thinking in those early days It's how is it that I used to be able to dart from meeting to meeting.

4:30I would travel alone. And I feel super anxious about putting this little fragile being that I love more than anything to literally go around the corner to the shop. It's such a discombobulating time, isn't it? And it does force you to stop. It does really force you to slow down. I feel like that is almost a universal insight as well around resisting that oh absolutely what did that resistance look like were you like no I'm still gonna you know the baby's napping for five minutes you're like I'm gonna create a real or what did it actually like and how did you move to that I guess more surrendered place where you were like do you know what I am different yeah and embodying that what was that journey like I think there was a huge element of naivety and my personality is somebody that will keep going.

5:20I love a challenge. I embrace it wholeheartedly. In 2019, I ran the marathon in my underwear. I know. Because I thought, why not? Women of all shapes and sizes can run a marathon. With Bryony, right? With Bryony Gordon, a fellow friend of mine and journalist. And we did it to prove a point to a lot of different people, but including ourselves, we can do it. And I think this challenge of having twins and being a first time mum, I took it on the chin. I'm going to get back to normal. And I think probably there was some conscious messages there from society saying that, you know, just get back. But equally, I think there was a part of me that thought I could do it.

6:01And it is possible. I had, you know, as much preparation that I could, I did as much preparation as I could by, you know making sure that I delegated where possible I had you know family support around me especially in those early few months we had paid and unpaid help and that allowed me to go okay well this is the time I'm going to you know do my work but equally there was a lot of the invisible labor that was also happening that I was doing such as making sure my house was still in order the way I like it because I'm such a a big part of me as you know the way that my house is very much reflects how I feel internally.

6:39So I'm like tidy house, tidy mind, but that's impossible when you also are a caregiver looking after kids, especially babies. And although it does get a bit more challenging when you have toddlers, but at the time I wanted the house to be clean. I wanted the clothes to be ironed and folded. I wanted to have my food prep in the fridge like before. And it just, at that point, it just started to, I had to, I guess, I guess the process of surrendering happened but I didn't see it as oh I have to surrender because a part of that for me can also feel like giving up and so the reframe for me came when I said delegate give yourself grace you are still who you are this is a season of your life and if you can organize your time I think this has kind of come uh this is more relevant for me today than it was when they were babies but if you can delegate certain time that's connected to your energy then you'll be able to get things done rather than expecting yourself to perform at 100 % like you was before all the time now there's a hard stop when we get them from nursery and between that period of time I'm present with the kids and then so in in a nutshell now I have very specific time to do very specific things and that's how I manage it but for me surrendering was a concept I resisted because it felt like giving up yeah I get that it can can't it it's like how do I accept this new season that I'm in and I did the same right it's so easy to want to clasp onto the way that we used to do things or I used to be able to do this because that feels really safe and I think that unknown as you're going through through matricence and you know with the babies everything that comes with it having to also figure out okay yeah what matters to me now and I can't literally can't do all of this and you're also learning on the job but you're learning how to be a mother you're learning how to take care of somebody what their routine should be how to at my time I was like feeding in three different ways breastfeeding bottle feeding pumping times two times two so and then also attempting to um feed them both simultaneously at the same time so you're learning about you your body's going through something else hormones are going through something else and it's it is just a lot of not only the mental load but the like decisions that you're having to make through this period of time it's it is a lot that you don't realize you have to do.

9:15And if you could speak now to that sort of mum that you were, you know, let's say that the twins are three months and you're still trying to, you know, do everything. What would you say to her? Because I think there are so many listeners in that place, right, where they're still trying to hold everything together. What would you said to your previous self? Everyone says this to me and I will pass on the same message is give yourself grace because it is a season and that time of them is so fleeting i'm two and a half years in still so early and still very much in the thick of it but the development between you know zero to one is staggering yes and by the age of one to two they are talking walking eating so different so give yourself grace to be in that moment just a bit longer how do you practically do that are you noticing what thoughts you're having about yourself are you noticing that you're writing a hundred things on your to-do list knowing that you're probably only going to get to two like how how practically have you given yourself a bit more grace through that season for me i think now if i was to go back to when there were babies look at that day those hours in your day and know that you're already doing so much in that day you're caregiving you're looking after them you're putting them to sleep like if you actually wrote down everything you were doing in that day it's a full list so if you're adding one other task onto that then you are already winning but if you're not then that is a very successful day in itself 100 we i always encourage mothers that ask me to to actually do that like write it down everything that you're doing it is insane and then through this sort of through your matrescence you like me decided to start a podcast yeah and you sort of started yours with a different question you know my question was what is this transition and what is going on and I you know you started yours with this question can we have it all and what does that look like and I want to know now having you know your few seasons in what do you think of that question now and what's your answer well yeah from I remember the podcast CEO mom it the idea was initiated when the babies were like four months old I was really really deep into those sleepless nights and sleep regression or progression and I remember thinking like how will I ever get my old self back how will I ever be able to be the woman I was before we now know that the answer of that is you're never gonna be that yeah she's never coming back she is gone but she is gonna be you know kind of baptism of fire you're gonna find this new version of yourself yes and at that point the podcast wasn't even a podcast it was where can I get that information from other people it wasn't available so I thought let me see through the people that I knew luckily you know I'd been a model for over a decade in the industry and I had so many great brilliant women that I could talk to and so I would just drop them a message say hey guys would love to know your thoughts on this um how are you still doing it and now your kids are like five and you're still thriving in your careers and they were like oh babe let me tell you it's not what you think it is I have this this this this I do all these things and I thought if I'm thinking these questions I'm sure other people will how do you have it all how do you do it all and so it actually started off as a research exploration yeah and I didn't really even talk much on the podcast I wanted to find out other people's advice and you know I think there's a meme that's like probably needed a hug but instead I started a podcast I mean who does that literally what's wrong with us I know keep your problems private ladies I know I'll just just call a friend but no I'm sure you felt the same if you're thinking it surely there's other people that are thinking it too that's right and I think this over the last two seasons I've realized the how do you do it all is now completely flawed in the question itself I'm glad you said that because that's my view.

13:27Okay, good. Yeah. The question is, you know, when you really unpack it is no one ever does it all. And what does even doing it all mean? Because one person cannot simultaneously be keeping fit and going on a jog whilst also doing a really big business call, whilst being present with their children all at once. That's impossible. And even if you did break that down into, I do a bit in each part of the day. So I start up and I have a morning routine, then I'm incredibly present with my kids being optimal every single day all the time it's just not not only is it not realistic but it's not a part of the human experience no we are meant to live in in seasons right we're meant to have seasons and cycles of huge activity output going for it and then seasons of stillness and yeah and that I the reason I don't love that question is because I mean it never it was never meant to include motherhood for starters it actually was from the 80s in the editor of Cosmopolitan and she was asking herself can I have a relationship and a job and this big job editing Cosmo that's where it came from it's kind of morphed into this thing where mothers are supposed to have it all and I think a better question is what's your version and yeah because having it all exactly is so different for everybody yeah but equally having it all not only is like how you make meaning of the world of having it all is it some people aren't having opting to have kids so maybe having it all for them is being able to travel and have your dream job and have a really rich relationship with your partner and your family but I also for me and the research that we've done I called my podcast sessions research because I'm basically figuring out as this new modern version of motherhood for me is I still do have high standards for myself.

15:14I still want to have a career that is rich and growing and that I love and really rich relationships with my family and also be as present as I can be as a mother. How do we do that in seasons, but also how do we do that through the systems that we're working within or the kind of routines that we set for ourselves or the ways that we manage our time and our energy and it's not to say that you're going to get it right all the time you the point is you don't but you have these structures and foundations in place to support you when you are not feeling like you can achieve what you want to achieve for example one of the things i have now is a morning routine that i try to do because i know that that's for example working out in the morning i'm not a morning person but there was no point in this new life where i could because it meant that I was working out when the kids go down at around 8 p.m when I'm extremely tired so now I have to wake up at six am I a morning person that loves to wake up at six no so I am slowly trying to now integrate that because I know that's where my energy is and that's nowhere my time and I know that's when my time aligns with my energy if I didn't think of my life now in a different building a different foundation then the idea of trying to keep fit would go out the window yes so yes we have to i sort of use this analogy that it's i think this process of matrescence is like throwing up the jigsaw puzzle of your life and you have to put it back together piece by piece literally each piece representing you know a different area of your life what is friendships okay well i used to see my mates five nights a week after work because we all lived on this you know we all worked in central london or whatever it was you know i have to put my relationship back together my body my style my image my job i think but we don't have a box we don't have a picture on the box to copyright so i think it is so many pieces that you have to try and fit together and they don't fit and then you change them that's how it's felt oh definitely to me and it's so unique for everybody because everyone has different financial circumstances different support networks around them so what might be possible for your new kind of layout of your jigsaw puzzle will be so different to mine and it's figuring out what works for you because it's so again without for me having this structure I feel like I'm just always failing whereas having things allocated laid out being able to see that as a week overview and a month overview I feel way more in control and I think you know when I in my podcast at least I've noticed a lot of people that have got in touch and we've spoken to the feeling that they just want is a sense of feeling a little bit more control in their life because when you have a not a toxic control just feeling a little less overwhelmed by it all and that for me is a big um as somebody that just loves to feel like I've got things organized and in order because order for me allows me to have freedom and peace of mind and how do you handle the curveballs because I think this is something that you know lots of women really struggle with you know we can have so much order but then you know the kids ill or the nurseries closed or our partner was meant to cover that time that we were going on that work trip and they now can't do it and who how are you handling those because I feel like the curveballs are more the norm than the structured days right if I think about the days that have actually panned out exactly how I plan them to it's quite rare yeah so how how are you handling the curveballs that that that come at you yeah to be fair I think for me curveball yeah curveballs happen a lot and it's not only if the kids are sick but it's also I'm ovulating and I've got PMS and so my curveball is actually I'm just so tired and not in the mood or um yeah I think some maybe it's the nursery's closed because of x y and z reason having again the ability to be flexible even within the structure is always gonna is something to have in mind um not to think that like having a timetable and a calendar where you have hard stops and things means that it has to always happen you know okay i'm i was late today because of terrible transport and it's so i feel so um kind of anxious about that but equally some things are just not in your control and you have to let go of that and just be okay with you roll with the punches roll with the waves and I think what's taught me to do that more than anything is the fact that the kids are constantly evolving in this short space of time and having young kids when you think you nail it something else is about to come your way so humbling they're about to start walking they're about to start eating solids and I think because maybe I'm still in this space of being a parent with young kids, I'm never feeling a sense of control for very long.

20:12So having a routine or having a calendar that I'm working from, or even delegating to a really, I've just brought in a new assistant who I really trust and we've been working together so long, that's just giving me peace of mind. And that for me gives me a sense of control, a really good support network or support systems that I trust that are reliable. Hey, it's Zoe. Quick one. Can you subscribe? I I don't know about you, but I do this all the time. I find content that I love, that is helping me. And then it just adds to my mental load that I have to go and find it again. If you hit subscribe wherever you are listening or watching to this, you don't have to do this.

20:51It is just going to show up in your library when you need me most, I will be there. It is completely free. So hit subscribe, you've really got nothing to lose. I think you're right, it's the both, isn't it? How do we create that structure in our lives, but then be able to have that fluidity when we need it so you know having started the podcast what has been your biggest transformation because I know doing this job on the other side every single guest transforms me in some way how has how has it changed you and how could that help the listener I think having the podcast as much as the guests have obviously been sharing like fountains of knowledge um i speak to a lot of founders celebrities successful business women that are always you know functioning at a high level but equally they share very they take us behind the scenes of their life and share pretty much the kind of normal things that most mothers are going to be going through they're trying to food prep they're trying to make sure their kids have a good bedtime routine they're trying to stay on top of the washing like they're sharing those um everyday things and it has been helpful to hear from parents that are the seasons ahead of me with older kids and that wisdom that they impart has been honestly so relieving and allowing me to just be in the present in the moment but separate to the guests I think a big shift for me has been seeing working it's a business and I'm producing my own podcast and learning how I can show up as a businesswoman, which has been so different to being, you know, a model and a creator where I was managed.

22:35So for me, the biggest shift has been ownership and building and thinking more strategically. Yeah. Yeah, that's so interesting that that shift and we go, you know, I'm such a big fan of thinking about the different skills that we've learned through everything that we do, including motherhood. How has motherhood made you a better leader? What are the skills that you can see you've developed with the twins that you're now able to bring into your work life? Yeah, I think they have been the biggest kind of had the biggest impact on how I show up. It's like the best leadership. I'm like, yeah, guys, this is the best leadership course you're ever going to go on.

23:17Of course. We just don't frame it that way. And I think there is this misconception that mothers, women that become mothers are, and for so many reasons, women that become mothers are now a little less capable in the workplace. But if anything, it's the best work experience you are ever going to do. Being able to time manage better, being able to show up no matter how much sleep you've had, being able to be super organized. also very at the moment i'm being very diplomatic because i have toddlers that are going through all the developmental changes so you know those skills those life skills are so transferable to the workplace and i think motherhood has taught me all of the above same my prioritization and my communication are next unrecognizable next level i used to have quite an indirect communication style at work if you tell a toddler you know oh would you mind possibly now I'm like shoes on this needs to do it it's so transferable tell me about uh the mental load because I know that you you know you're developing something in this space and I'm wondering what was it that made you think we've got to think of a tech solution for the mental load yeah so in the last year into the podcast when I was speaking to my audience and we were building this community a lot of them were saying that oh it's great to know how to do it all and we understand it's so hard and yes we can you know forge this community and support each other but there's so much that I just have to do yes it doesn't ever end that's true and it's only getting harder and harder whether it's decision fatigue the invisible load the domestic load um trying to look after yourself trying to show up in your job it's just so much and I thought well why have we not brought technology up to speed to get rid of some of that we don't have to be doing the mundane things like inserting our kids term dates into our calendar anymore we don't have to be remembering in our minds every single person's birthday and the ages of every birthday and you know how we can food prep those you know a two-year-old's meal that takes 30 minutes like that shouldn't be all in our minds it can be automated it can also be stored um in different places but what i found that i don't know if you need me to go into too much of it but i can um what we found was that there's definitely a problem to be solved and the invisible load from my experience was just this never-ending to-do list that was across not only my career but also family management um and I think it's hard isn't it because so much of it you just do without knowing yes and you don't write it down I think that's part of the problem it becomes so innate yeah I just noticed the other day I was moving around my house almost unconsciously picking that up putting that back doing that doing that I'm just and I'm like oh my gosh like it's it's so invisible it's it becomes so innate but it takes such a toll doesn't it it takes a toll literally on our cognitive ability and on our time right the time that we that we have I I didn't know the term mental load when I first had my kids and I remember saying to a friend she was like how is it and I was like great and telling her about how it was and I said but it's the admin and I kept saying it's the admin I can't understand the admin and now I know that the phrase for it is the mental load because what I meant was all the appointments you know and I had a simple you know my kids didn't have extra disabilities or anything like that that then it becomes tenfold hundredfold so I had so much privilege in that way but I still remember saying this mental load is just and it does get worse they get as they get older because there's more to yeah there's more to manage how do you share the mental load yeah in your home Yeah, completely agree.

27:30It gets harder as they get older, I think, up until a certain point. But you've got to appreciate you're managing your life, your children's individual lives, your family life. And often that admin does fall on the mother for all the reasons. how I manage it is I'm a massive advocate for delegating. And I will just say, this is not my responsibility to do the Christmas presents for the nursery staff, or I'm not liaising with - So you'll hand that to your partner? Yeah. I'm not liaising with our, you know, we're lucky enough to have a cleaner every week. I don't liaise with her. We've got a group chat so I can oversee.

28:10Probably that's not good because that is still the admin of it but that communication will happen between her and my partner so I still think I'm the chief operational officer of my house but I definitely delegate and just try to let go because I don't want that task it's too much to you know you can do it the thing is we can all do it and our partners are probably brilliant capable partners as well but I think it's unpacking this idea of you have to do it and you have to manage it and just well my friend Eve Rodsky she wrote fair play and she calls it the she fault parent and I was like that is so true because it does just tend to default right we write our name mothers write our name on the form so we get the calls when it's the doctors or the school and it's just this defaulting all the time and then before you know it you are holding potentially three or four people's lives and the admin together and i think we're doing our partners a disservice by taking away that responsibility because it's not like we're with incapable people like our partners probably want to show up but they don't know how to best show up and then the more that we take on that load it's taking away from them being able to experience and practice and see success in knowing that they can manage that situation so i think it's almost good to continuously pass as much over to them and work as a team you're a team right was that a conversation was that a difficult conversation because lots of our our listeners tell me that that's a difficult conversation particularly if there's a disparity in income I think there's still this idea well you're at home with the children all day you know you have to take on everything and I it's it's so difficult to sometimes get partners to understand no no no you don't understand this is more than a full-time job and we have to figure out as a team how we're going to share it was that a conversation with you what did that look like yeah I think I'm also in a very unique and privileged position because I have a partner that has flexible work he works for himself he has you know a space at home to be able to work equally I flex I'm a flex work flexibly and have a space at home so we've been able to both be at home both be able to work from that space and contribute equally to the household the cleaning and then on top of that we had twins so I couldn't physically do it all when I'm breastfeeding he was changing someone's nappy when I was settling one he was feeding the other so equally we showed up from the get-go you were Yeah.

30:52And I think that is quite a unique, that's not the norm, which is why we are, you know, there's brilliant campaigners out there fighting for equal paternity leave so that men can have that experience and come on board early to have, you know, equal pay for women so that we can contribute to have better, you know, access to reintegration back into the workplace after maternity leave. All of those things will help have that one conversation and make it a bit easier. Yes, because we know there's some incredible studies on this, that when fathers are more involved in those early months, it completely changes the trajectory of how that mental load, parenting load is shared for those early years.

31:32And I think it will be hard when that kind of situation is now your reality and your set and your partner is, you know, working all day and you have been home all day. Being home all day for once doesn't mean that you've been sitting around having a cup of tea all day. it does mean that for the most of us we are being a caregiver we are cleaning we are cooking and we probably haven't had a break um yeah there's just a massive misunderstanding i think and i think the pandemic changed it to some extent although it feels like we're going backwards but of what it really means to be that primary but i think to initiate that conversation maybe when you're already in it because there's probably a lot of listeners that are like well i'm already here what do we do i think it's that slow conversation that's not let's make a final decision today but how can we change it i'm not happy this isn't good perhaps it's you know just the start of a seed of when we come home can we have a different bedtime routine can we change something in a small way and those small things will accumulate over time and also know that maybe this time at home for you now isn't going to be your experience forever and how can you plan for a different reality in some way if you are maybe going back to work part-time that will shift things again so um yeah the little steps hopefully can make a difference i wanted to talk to you about body confidence because that's how i first got introduced to you actually it was brian who came on the podcast so we're sort of friendly sometimes and then i saw this and i wondered for you what was it like being someone who you know was a model so attuned to your body you'd sort of done this amazing campaign about body confidence how did you feel through your matrescence about how your how your body changed yeah I mean I was a model for over a decade and the reason I got into modeling was because I was at the time doing a master's in child psychotherapy and noticed that there was a lot of um just like really negative body image shown around us like we were in the era of heroin chic and at the time when I was studying I was like why do we see these type of images portrayed back at us why and you know naively and you know in my early 20s thought how can we change that the launch of Instagram was the birth of Instagram had occurred so I just got online and started taking pictures and talking about mental health and body acceptance and confidence and to be fair I had grown up in an environment which didn't place any importance on my body.

34:02You know, my mom had grown up very, had raised us to not really think about the way we looked in some ways. My dad placed a lot of emphasis on having extracurricular activities. So our self-worth was tied to those achievements and camaraderie and teamwork. So that was kind of the foundations that built my body confidence. And I think how it evolved over the years as a model was one of which, you know, I was empowering other women. I was getting that feedback of other women going, wow, you've really helped me on my journey. So by the time I had the twins, I would say that I was lucky enough to have some really good foundations in place.

34:42And I was coming to the end of my, you know, I'd been a model for over a decade and it was kind of coming to a bit of a close of that chapter. Naturally, I knew I wanted something different I wanted to you know step away I was a creator so I was placing a bit more importance on like you know sharing my you know life online and a bit more and that allowed me to also not feel the pressures of having to have a certain body so I was embracing pregnancy and I think it was really nice to have a period of time in postnatal where I didn't think about my body because I wasn't a model I wasn't on set it was just me in my house and just really being kind of blown away with what my body had just done two babies two placentas all of it you're just like wow but that's not to say it's always easy for everyone and I know it's not and I think it's, you know, my experience is kind of unique in that sense where I had a lot of that foundational work underneath it.

35:48And my, maybe my career lended me to see my body differently. And to be fair, I probably didn't have a lot of time to think about my body because you're in survival mode all the time. Two and a half years later and not having focused on my body for that length of time. Like I'm only just getting back into fitness now and feeling strong again now that I have eight hours of sleep. And now that I feel like my hormones have settled, now I'm starting to actually think about my body and kind of tuning back into it again. I think my relationship with my body has also been one where people call it body neutrality, where I don't really see it in a way that is good or bad.

36:37It just is. And I'm trying to like just attune to it as much as possible and know what's good. And it's not just my physical body, but it's how my hormones are, how I'm sleeping well, how I'm feeling, you know, in terms of, yeah, mental wellness, physical wellness, all of it, I think. Yeah, I think that's so, it's so interesting as well about, because I'm the same. I mean, my oldest is 10 and I'm only just seriously getting back into exercise. I'm absolutely loving it. But I think it does it. You know, I cannot bear this kind of bounce back, back to the gym. It's just so it is so toxic. And I think it's so good to hear someone like you talk about.

37:17It took me two and a half years to even think about wanting to do that because it just takes the timeline and the pressures. off doesn't it I'm so touched by you said you know you were raised in a household where that kind of body if you'd call it body positivity or neutrality or just it's just not something that we're focusing on would are you going to repeat that with your in your family and how are you consciously going to do that it's something I think about a lot I imagine especially having a boy and a girl and I'm very conscious of not placing that emphasis on them so we you know think about the language that we use in terms of really we try to instead of saying like oh my god you look so beautiful when I do my makeup in the morning because unlike my mum I do do my makeup I have a whole glam table I love it and instead of going oh mummy's doing her makeup trying to look pretty I'll use that we say it as like mama you're looking all fancy so we use the word fancy instead of you're beautiful because you're beautiful with or without me makeup in in my world in our house and one thing I have noticed having a boy and a girl and being raised in a family that didn't think about that was how much girls and women do for example you know my daughter might go oh mommy you've got nail polish on and she might go can I have some she's two and a half and in my house we don't I don't she doesn't need nail polish my son will also ask for the same thing or it will be and at this point I'm like you can have the same of whatever you both have we're happy if you have the dress you can have the dress if you have the doll you have the doll if you have the fire truck he can have the fire truck it's all equal in that sense but I realized you know she has hair accessories she has nail polish she has dresses she has you know high heels not that we give her high heels but there's so many more things for a girl to think about and to have.

39:16And what I've realized is it actually takes so much time away from doing, you know, you know, whether it's doing the work, you know, investing that time into your career. I'm kind of doing a long way of spiel of saying that. I do think that the pressures of our appearance distract us from doing other stuff and if we stripped away doing our hair our nails our makeup you know styling ourselves in the morning how much more time would we free up to actually build our dreams and go after our goals and I've only really noticed that now I have my own kids and have a daughter and trying to not and trying really hard to not let her place any emphasis on that even though I know she will and even though I do it's such a hard thing it's difficult isn't it but I like that reframe of you know I'm just like trying to look fancy today because it is like you you you know you want to model that you know I'm enough I'm believing enough and I'm worthy and you know but the reality is would I do this podcast sat here without makeup probably not so it's it's it is complex isn't it and I think that's the things particularly with having a daughter it does hold that mirror up to so many of these behaviors that we do to so many of the so much of the language that we use you know I stopped saying you know how do I look in this because it's like or you know kind of like feeling subconscious on the beach because they're picking up on all of that yeah another thing that um came to mind is also modeling how your your roles are in the household so sometimes they from nursery the first thing he said what did you make for dinner and i'll say or they'll they'll say is dad at home and i'll say yeah he's at home what did dad make for dinner and i'm like i love the fact that mom could be cooking dinner dad could be cooking dinner another example is if i'm going out to see my friends i'll say okay mama's going out to see her friends tonight.

41:24Sometimes dad goes out to see her friends. Sometimes mama goes out to see her friends. It's like, sometimes mama goes to work. Sometimes dad goes to work. It's this kind of equality that they are being programmed to know. Sometimes dad uses the Hoover. Sometimes mom uses the Hoover. We both clean. We both cook. We both go to work. We both have a social life. And I never realized how important that would be until these little people are saying, why? why or who's doing it you go huh we need to really think about what we're doing because they are absorbing everything like little sponges someone asked our youngest what they said what does your daddy do and my youngest went he wipes the sides he's like a really accomplished entrepreneur she has no idea good man because typically in our house i cook to them but he he cleans it up right So she sees every night him cleaning the sides and that's what she said his job was.

42:19And I just thought it was the cutest thing ever. I just loved it because it is so important. You know, we know that these beliefs get programmed before the age of seven, right? So it's just absorbing and absorbing and absorbing. I love this conversation so much. I always ask the same question at the end, which is if you could give just one gift to all the mothers in the world, what would it be and why? good question because the gift is as much insight as possible but there's just so much that you learn on the job yes right and so I guess I guess the gift that I wish I could offer everyone would be to have a little bit more trust in the process of your experience and knowing that you're going to get it right and if that lovely motivational quote is not enough then I would love to gift you all a therapist because having someone to help you on your own journey because kids do really hold the mirror up to you and teach you more about yourself than you'll ever know before just having someone there that you could reflect to to teach you patience and to teach you emotional regulation would be the gift I'd love to give to everyone oh my gosh yes we should build that business together.

43:30Let's do that. Deal. She's a CEO mum. Thank you so much. I've loved it.