The Surprising Skill Every Child Needs to thrive in an Uncertain Future

0:01Hi everyone, welcome to this episode of Motherkind. It is me, Zoe, your host. I'm so happy that you are here. This is the show for you, the woman behind the mother. Now, I don't know about you guys, but I am thinking pretty much non-stop at the moment about the future that we are preparing our children for. And it's so difficult, isn't it, as parents, because I'm thinking, what are the skills that they are going to need? So I have done a bit of deep dive research. You know what I'm like, I'm going in my rabbit holes. And what is coming out loud and clear is that children are going to need two things really clearly.

0:37One is confidence and one is resilience. And I think those things have always been important. but the research shows that they are going to become even more important because I think AI and what is happening in the technological space can never replace someone's ability to stand up in a room and present and sell their ideas and connect human to human. So I'm absolutely buzzing because I've partnered with Stagecoach Performing Arch which is just the most incredible business. It was founded in 1988 by a mother because she wanted to find a place where her son could express himself creatively. She couldn't find it, so she did what us mums do, and she created herself.

1:17The business is nearly 40 years old. Many of you listening probably did it when you were younger. I know I was a stage coach kid when I was younger, and it's still that amazing safe space for children to experiment, to perform, to embrace fear and to become these confident, resilient adults that we want. So I'm so excited to invite Sarah, who is from Stagecoach. Sarah is a performance and a drama play expert. She is a Stagecoach franchisee and we are going to chat about developing this creativity, developing this resilience. So welcome, Sarah. I'm so excited. Thank you very much. I'm excited as well.

1:58Thank you for having me. So if someone's just pressed play and they're thinking, I'm hooked, ladies. I'm interested. Why should they stay with us? What is someone going to get out of this episode? Well, I mean, we are sending our wonderful, precious human beings out into this vast new landscape, this new world. You know, it's very, very exciting. There's going to be AI, all sorts of technology. And it's very, very fast paced. I'm sure everybody feels that. There's a lot of screens and imagery and everything's very fast moving. And it's our job as parents to equip, you know, the most precious thing that we have with an armory of tools to, you know, go out there and keep the human connection going, interact, communicate, you know, physically be in the room with people, read body language and be really confident little human being.

2:45well big human beings hopefully ultimately when they become adults and go out into the world so that our job is done and done very well and we have a you know a strong child that can go out there into the big wide world it's so interesting because we think about kind of performing and creativity and i love that you talked about using your body but before i started researching for this episode i don't think i had any idea how effective that sort of training and teaching is because just 20 hours of drama-based learning can increase confidence by 30 percent and I'm like a mini case study for this because I did stage coach when I was younger and then I went into the theater for a little bit when I was nine and ten and I've always been really good at presenting I've always been really good at communication and it's kind of enabled my success in every role that I've had, including this one.

3:35And I think that it came from those hours when I was kind of seven to 10 of doing all that drama. Is that what you see? Oh, my goodness. I cannot tell you enough. That is, it's so, so fundamental to everything. Our classes and the performing arts, they go with you throughout your whole lifespan. You know, the same with me and my children and all the little people that I teach, the classes give them a way to connect with people, the way they go out into the big wide world, they learn to handle nerves, and sort of the butterflies in their stomach. And instead of them being crippling, and that fear kind of being overwhelming, they've had the experiences through those classes and the drama and the dance and the singing, to then be like, okay, I've done this.

4:22I'm okay. I can walk into the job interview, I can walk onto the stage, or I can walk into the, you know, into the kiosk and say, can I have a coffee, please? Because they're all skills that we forget that we're teaching everybody. And if you don't have, you have that sort of basic training and it's going because we're looking down all the time. We're not looking outward. Look around you in the streets. Everybody's got their heads down. Everybody's looking, you know, you're forgetting to look outward at the world. And it's such a magical place. And I'm worried that we're not going to keep looking out.

4:52And the performing arts you know allows us to create those connections oh it's quite worrying I'm worried stressful it's so true because I in my first job so I was on the graduate scheme at BMW in my sort of it feels like it feels like another yeah it feels like another life but I remember so vividly so I'd only been there about a month and my boss was meant to do a presentation to the whole company so you know imagine like a massive room there's probably 500 people there and he was ill that day and they were saying oh what we're gonna do and I and I was you know new in graduate 21 I went I'll do it and everyone was like I stood up and it just it wasn't a big deal for me because I had been at Stagecoach I had been on stages I'd been in the theater I'd done you know big performances I was an RSC for a few years and I got promoted really quickly and I think it was just so linked to that ability to just stand up and present but so many people are there's a you know the famous stat isn't it people would rather people are more scared of death than public speaking oh well yeah so I think I think when I think about that skill that's really what I'm doing with my girls is like you said that coffee in the kiosk I make them order their own food I make them go up and ask the waiter or waitress whoever for what normally ketchup is what they want right they're yeah and they're like can i go to shop i'm like yeah if you walk over ask politely look that person in the eye say thank you because it is such a lost it is becoming lost and yet it is going to be if you think about what's going to get automated at work yeah we've got to be able to present ourselves to stand up to sell our ideas to look humans in the eye exactly exactly and have just to have i've got my children have done a lot in the performing arts yeah my my stagecoach children and my own personal children.

6:42I'm imagining your home is like just jazz hands. It's all very jazz hands. Yes, we often verse. Do people sing? Yes, people sing. People come round and sing. There's all sorts of things going on. There's a sketch in the kitchen or something. My husband particularly. But yeah, just that skill to also be in a room and facilitate something or create conversations and overcome challenges. I see a lot of children perhaps who haven't had this sort of performing arts training. And the biggest thing for me is the ability, particularly with drama, you do a lot of exercises and improvisation where you have to say yes.

7:17You say yes and you're in an improvisation. Oh, I love improv. Oh, my gosh. Improv. It's joyful. It's so fun. It's crazy. I think everyone should have to go to an improv class in their life. Yes. It's really nerve wracking, but really great. It's so playful and so fun. I love it. We should do, shouldn't we? We should all play more. but when you're you know the child is in the class and you're saying I say yes and are you shall we go to the moon yes and what's going to happen and I think I was thinking about it and it's taking that yes and into life isn't it instead of going you know do you want to try this new job or shall we take this course to improve your skill set or no it would be no no no that's you're putting a block up in life yeah and you're stopping yourself from perhaps taking an opportunity taking that step because once you push through nerves we all know we've all been there we've been super nervous and and when you've pushed through the nerves the outcome is wonderful you're like oh it's fine oh it's really joyous oh it's great um and that doesn't stop into adulthood so if we you know where our life changes there are complications making me emotional because because when i think about my sort of story drama and being on stages and has formed such a part of me saying yes and like even to starting this you know so left field really from the track I was on but I was like yes and I just and just just as you're talking I was like thinking my god imagine if I hadn't have had those experiences you know at stage coach and in that sort of drama world that I that I loved I wonder whether I would have been like I can't do that I can't start a podcast I've got no experience but because I think I'd been around people like you energies like you i'd been in those classes i was like i'll try it what's the worst that can happen 100 i was looking at something recently and you know how everyone talks about butterflies parents say all the time uh you know have you got butterflies in your stomach and you're like oh and it can be you know it can be overwhelming if you let it and somebody's not going to go forward but if you let the butterflies fly let them free and take a breath you know it's a lovely image and actually the butterflies are a good thing to make you stronger.

9:23It's so nice because that's what I think. People talk so much about confidence and I think we have this kind of wrong idea of confidence that it's the loudest in the room or that's never my experience of it. It's that confidence to me is that ability to let those butterflies free, right? It's to do something that's scary and to do it anyway. How do you define confidence? And when you're thinking about teaching it to the kids, what are you thinking about? I think perhaps everybody's kind of initial perception of confidence is having the, there's the obvious ones. There's being confident enough to put your hand up in class, to take that leap, to take that plunge, you know, to put your ideas forward, you know, and discuss them and create and be not frightened to be yourself.

10:07I sort of combine it a lot with self-esteem I think true self-confidence is is self-esteem it's something that comes from the inside it's not just that bravado on the outside someone can look very confident and be you know the loudest in the room or you know waving their arms around and and actually perhaps inside they're not truly truly confident and I think you can see true confidence in people from how they react to other people so the performing arts and particularly stagecoach classes, you have time to sit and you watch and you can applaud other people's successes. And I think once you are looking outward at the room and you're well done, my friend got that role.

10:45That's okay. You know, that doesn't mean that I'm not good enough, but you're like, I am good enough. I have my own qualities, my own values. And they are, and that's an inner confidence that they can appreciate what's around them without being crushed by someone else achieving something. So true. And I think that's really huge. That is so true. What a skill for life to learn in that moment that someone else's success doesn't take away from my own. There is an abundance of success and opportunity. Like what a thing to learn. I wanted to ask you about because my little girl's 10 and I know that between 8 and 12, girls experience a big dip in confidence.

11:24Do you see that in class? You obviously, you know, you're connecting with thousands of kids, right? There are thousands. Year in, year out. I have a thousand in my classes at the moment. That's a lot of children. What a vantage point. I want to get into that. But do you see that in girls? And what can we do as parents to help kind of counter that and support them through that phase? Yeah, definitely. I call it when I'm speaking to parents of the children in my classes, I call it wading through mud. It's probably not a very technological, is that the right word, scientific term. But some go through it, you know, in a much stickier way than others.

12:01But they do, they get much more self-confident, not self-confident, more self-conscious. But it's because they're sort of entering that preliminary stage before they become adults. So it's a whole time of neuroplasticity. So the brain is rewiring. They're obviously making transitions into school, into secondary schools. They're becoming aware. Friendship is everything. Their tribe is everything. so it's our to support it and to make that transition easier is it's our sort of job as adults to find safe spaces for them to take risk rather than you know taking a really dodgy risk or feeling really horrible about their body or it's our job to to create spaces that they can express themselves overcome a challenge you know it might be in if it's performing art specifically if they're taking dance classes you're teaching them that their body is strong that it can move I was just thinking that your body's a tool it's not to be judged or it tells stories or and in theater maybe they'll wear a beautiful costume and everybody looks you know that they feel proud of what they've done and they've stood up there and it's not all about this physical appearance you know it's about what they can achieve with something and everybody is they're so beautiful they just don't see it it's really it's hard little people don't see how beautiful they are and I've been trying to tell they don't and teenagers don't and actually I've taken a lot of time to speak out to young people and say take the pressure off yourself you know we should be telling our children to you know you are beautiful they they have so much they're like seeds everybody they're like little precious seeds and the more we water them and tip this sunshine in and support and celebration they grow into resilient strong adults and I've seen it time and time and time and time again however long they stay with us some people stay with me for 10 years and I see them from 5 well to 18 and you see the whole landscape of that mud phase at 8 to 10 you know the little phase or when they leave and what they come out like the other at the other end and what works for them have you got a favorite when you think about that transformation of seeing someone from maybe where they came and they were four or five to all have you got a favorite?

14:14Well, I love the boy. I like the boys going through the physically, the young boys who come through. I always say to everyone, oh, it's brilliant because they're small. They get a bit bigger and then they all get taller than me and their voices break and they tap me on the head. But stories wise, there's been children who've come in and been, if we're talking about physicality, children grow at different times. So I had a very, a girl who was very tall and she couldn't walk in the room i mean i've never seen anything like it she was petrified literally coiled she was so tall because she was tall yeah she would barely walk in the room yeah and i was she probably wanted to shrink the whole time right she was trying physically if you could imagine her she was standing there her hands were clasped to her chest and she we could barely get her in the room and she came back and she came back and she came back and she found out she had quite a nice singing voice you know we encouraged that and she came forward and she started to sing solos i'm gonna I cry all the time.

15:10I'm surprised I'm not crying and sobbing down the microphone. But it's really emotional. And then she left. She went to, they moved to Canada. I think it was Canada. And then kept the performing arts going, found this strength, found this herself, her worth. And oh my goodness me, she's back now and she's performing. She got scholarships to her colleges she's out there seeing I've never seen anyone so confident that she's I mean it's amazing how confident she is amazing it's really amazing and just on a on a I see a lot of people who perhaps are in secondary school environments and finding this away from the intensity of a secondary school environment I was just thinking that when you said when you were talking about those the the phase that my little girl's in now I was thinking because it is tricky with those school groups with girls it and I always had with my performing arts and a couple of other hobbies I had like a separate group of friends and I think that's so important as well isn't it yeah it's really important it takes all the pressure away and they have something that's their own that they can be celebrated for and seen I think it's really important that adults and parents see their children make them feel seen and heard in whatever way that is and being seen and heard outside school where they can make mistakes and be applauded and find other people who are doing what they're doing and they they just grow um a lot of people stay and work for us do they yeah i've had people join at four they join they go all the way through we call early stages main stages further stages yeah then they assist i've got loads of assistants then they teach and i've got people who manage and i have no i love that so it's got that real progression family oh it's like family yeah say it's a whole it's a whole world under there of this performing arts family and what it does for people

17:00how did you get into it how did I get into it actually a letter fell through my door no I had my friend was stagecoach Cambridge and she said buy a stagecoach Sarah buy a stagecoach well so do you buy a franchise yeah so you buy an area so I now have four franchises I've got um twickenham tennington richmond camberley and yately um and yeah i'd always worked with children i did a lot of parties as a performer i'm a performer myself actor by trade actor by trade um and a lot of parties and love kids because they're they're brilliant they're joyful and they they're sponges and they suck everything up and then sort of just went from there bought one and love it the whole business aspect of it and the growth and and what what a rewarding job What do you find the most rewarding?

17:48Oh, I think seeing their confidence grow, you know, they and the just joyous. It's play. It's play all the time. Teaching them, teaching them to grow, teaching them to be independent and and watching their little faces light up when they do something that they feel proud of. You know, well done. It could be a line. It could be putting one foot over the other foot. But just when you see them, you know, wow, that was brilliant. you know you didn't do that last week yeah look at you yeah and their little face goes like little angel puffs and little rainbows fly out of it and and they take that back and then the parent comes back and says um wow you you know they're they're just changed since i've been with you yeah do you do the parents tell you that they see the confidence that you're nurturing it in the stage coach class do they see that bleeding out to other areas oh of their life yeah a million percent they we get people often emailing us in going they stood up in their school assembly and they did this part and last year they didn't do it and oh other people have been commenting how confident they are and they they wanted to understand why why this is how yeah what are you doing what are you doing that we're not doing um we get lots of that and again um in their exams as they turn it going to secondary school because they've got something that's given them a bit more confidence and a place to feel noticed and seen and they go on to do really well and I have a lot of parents saying this is their place this is their home and if we didn't have this you know if they're in worse situations such as they might be being bullied there's a lot of that in secondary school yeah and a lot of people come to us just so so really grateful I mean emotionally there are tears that this is somewhere that that child can grow and feel safe and have a space while they have a rough time through that secondary school transition.

19:37Yeah, because at school you can't, I mean you can, but there's a feeling when you're going through that lessons and you're trying to fit in, you don't want to stand out, right? You don't want to be at the front of the stage. You want to make yourself small. So I can imagine just having somewhere where that is what you're invited to do, right? Which is, you know, be seen, be bigger, take up space, find your voice. And take risks. take risks take risks feel that you can take that risk without somebody perhaps you know your peer well there is very tough isn't it being judged and and get it wrong everyone go oh that's all right oh don't worry and and these they can take the skills with them throughout life you know that oh i just feel like i want everyone to oh it's unbelievable it really is and children don't always go into the performing arts well yeah it's not it's not about yeah it's not about the kids that want to become actors going is it it's how do you develop those skills of like we've been talking about courage confidence resilience learning how to handle fear put yourself forward 100 it's like a training ground more than it absolutely is a training ground and i've had um my son recently i don't want to talk about my children but it's just a journey because he went from a performing arts background with us at stagecoach dancer now he's doing neuroscience science but in these science-based I'm not dismissing anybody scientific but perhaps if you've had more interest where you're perhaps reading or looking into science introspective and not necessarily or a parent hasn't thought that performing arts is for you because it looks like very jazzy and sparkly but having those skills means that he has been able to use his it facilitates conversations within a group of people who perhaps haven't had that performing arts training so when they're talking about crazy equations I can't do everybody out there I haven't got a clue about maths and things but um to have that skill to bring people together and in any work environment there's huge you know that's a skill set he'll stand out straight away won't he if he can present present ideas work with people read body language understand different personalities in the room because there's so many different personalities right in work in life and and at stage coach or performing arts classes you work together you overcome challenges you have to listen to people you have to yeah just vital life skills right vital life skills 100 and it's yeah i can't it's changed my whole life it's changed my family's life i think it changed my life yeah i think everybody needs to be thinking about that for their small people you know whatever way you can even if it's in your kitchen yes having a singing and making up a play in the kitchen.

22:16Do a bit of improv at home. Yeah, absolutely. So fun. So fun. I want to ask you the final questions. Yeah. We call them quick fire. They're not that quick fire because they're actually quite deep. But motherhood is teaching me dot, dot, dot. Oh, motherhood is teaching me patience and self-growth. Oh, that's quite hard to say. Patience and self-growth. It's really hard to say. Quite linked, aren't they as well? They are, I think, not to underestimate anybody. I think when I was a young parent and a young business owner and with the children, I would underestimate what people are capable of perhaps and tell people.

22:52What you were capable of or what the kids were capable of? What children are capable of, but what from there, what everybody is capable of and to treat people with kindness. And when you treat people with a little bit of kindness, even if it's, you know, you did really well there or your shoes are really nice or or just very simplicities tell people to speak out and have, you know, Patients with people, we are all going through different things. Everybody's having a different life experience. And it's stepping back and looking at that life experience that other people are having. It's not the same as yours.

23:24So I've learned to step in other people's shoes from being a mother. I imagine from you as well, thousands of kids in your school. So many shoes. So many shoes to like. So many stories. So many stories. Every challenge, every background, every demographic. you know just wow like what a rich tapestry of life you get to be a part of yeah it's amazing really it's a huge privilege people come to me or you a principal and they tell you their stories and tell you what they're struggling with i imagine the parents get quite emotional because particularly if the kid's been being bullied and they're like i just really want them to find some confidence can you help like i can imagine going to someone like you saying that yeah there's so many so many tears i cry on a regular basis yeah same same we shouldn't get together too much it would just be like a huge sob fest what is something that you didn't value before motherhood that you now do this is super easy this is time yes and what did we do with all our time what did we do with all our time but once i could shake my 25 year old self i know i know you're not tired and you've got a lot of time.

24:35The days, the days just drifted on. You would sit in that time when you're, but it's kind of two types of time, which I think is really important. So obviously parents, you don't have time to maybe, you know, do the washing, do the cleaning and that sort of obvious stuff. But now I've got slightly older children and it's be grateful for the time that you have. Sit in, I know you've got the six and the 10 year old. This is a beautiful time. Enjoy, you have friends, you're going out having meals with people and tea parties social this age social birthday parties and now you come out the other end and um you know there you have more time so actually i it's i've appreciated the time i have with them now before i've done my job and sent them off as much as i can into the ether little bird flying um so in all forms of time and then the time for myself What does that look like coming out the other end?

25:34Again, we're going back to confidence. Your child will grow up and with those confidence skills as they hit all different phases of their life, as you turn into adulthood and your seasons change, how you handle that confidently in that time. So time is huge. Treasure it. Treasure every moment. Treasure every pain, every sleepless night, every moment, every knock and fall and scrape. Like, oh, I might well up. But like, it's so precious because it goes so quickly. And nobody sort of told me they grew up. And now I'm left with four dogs and it's a nightmare. Oh, yeah. I've got one dog I can barely cope with, let's be honest.

26:14And what is one gift that you would want to give to all the mothers in the world and why? I would give them the superpower of rejuvenation. Oh, I like that. No one's ever said that. Because, you know, you do get pulled from pillar to post. You know, you're up with a baby, you're feeding a baby. That takes all your, you know, freshness away for a time. And then they get a bit bigger and then you're waiting for them to come home. So if we had a really fabulous snazzy button that you could press. What would we rejuvenate? Energy, skin. Everything. Energy, skin. tighten everything up tighten everything up sparkle factor pizzazz I don't know because we call it the pizzazz button I don't know I can picture it I'm picturing that button every mother needs that superpower the power of rejuvenation bing very quickly here I am I'm ready I'm ready so it's like you come up with just hands and you're ready to go and a little bit of glitter on each kind of by your eyes yes just a twinkle in the eye just a twinkle Sarah thank you so much I absolutely love this I didn't expect it to get emotional and I think it is so emotional isn't it talking about kids confidence in this world that we're preparing them for I'm just so grateful for Stagecoach for kind of bringing you into our audience and you know for the little part in my journey that Stagecoach had and I really just want to encourage everyone to go and check it out if you go to stagecoach.co.uk forward slash mother kind you can see there where you can try two sessions which is quite rare isn't it where you can go and try two and it's actually two three hour sessions so it's enough for your child if they are a bit old i think that's for six year olds up to really get a sense of it if it's going to be something that they're going to enjoy and then if someone carries on then that that 50 pounds comes off your termly fee then doesn't it so i'd really encourage everyone to Go and check out stagecoach.co.uk forward slash motherkind.

28:14There are no auditions. No one's going to be asked to stand on the stage, are they? No, we accept everyone, every sort of person for whatever reason. And I can just imagine, you know, you and all the kind of other principals in the schools, just how enveloping and welcoming you are when someone new walks in. We are enveloping, enveloping. Yeah, it's joyful. We just come in. Yeah, have fun. So every child really is welcome. And stagecoach's kind of line is creative courage for life. And I think I can just really see, like, getting to know the business again and you a little bit, I can just really see how true that is, that it is creative, it does develop the courage, and it's for life.

28:53Like, what an amazing investment. So thank you so much. I have loved it. Me too. Thank you for having me. All the very best, everyone, and parents. Good luck.

29:08that was the episode i hoped you loved it if you did please make sure you subscribe and i will see you next time