A warning about Ibiza...

24:37Joanne McNally:I'm an alumni. So the toilet was very dirty. He didn't actually, he didn't actually. Well, as an adopted person and you're wondering like where you came from and the family and all, and it was, it was a big dream of mine to be presented with a twin. It would have been amazing. Really weird, but it would have been amazing. I mean, you're not supposed to split twins, but people do, people split twins, you know, certainly back in the day when they didn't gave a flying fandango. But it would have been my dream to be a twin. Sadly, I'm not. Although, I don't know yet. But you know, I'm not dead. You never know.

25:15Sure, I could be a twin. Sometimes I think Amber did her DNA and I wasn't very impressed by her stats. And I said, well, mine might be different. She said, yours are the same as mine. And I said, but you never know. Maybe I have a different dad and I just never knew about it.

25:31Joanne McNally:That'd be so much fun, wouldn't it? So I would be interested. It would be so much fun. Can you imagine? I find out that my dad wasn't my dad, and so he wasn't dead. So then I had an alive dad, and I've been going on about this dead dad and talking about him all the time when I'm drunk, when there would be no need to. It happens all the time. Like, it happens all the time. It does. If you're doing that DNA testing, you actually have to be ready to get a surprise, because the chances of you getting a surprise are pretty high. people hide dirty deep dark secrets all the time men in particular will reveal your results on the pod men in particular I mean if I have a different dad I'd probably like to do that privately to begin with and then we can share on the pod we're going full to Vina we're going full to Vina we want giant fat tears we want to record the whole thing the hugging on the end of the pier that show makes me cry my god

26:34It's in the bag out there.

26:36Joanne McNally:Who's that? No, it's you. She wants to be right there. Wait till she finds out you're not her real mother. I got her to tell her. Just fuck it up. But you know what? At least I know. You're not my real. I know they're mine. Svenny doesn't know if they're his. Well, this is the thing. Yeah, isn't that interesting to think about that? They are, but he doesn't know that. I think there's so much going on in the world. There's so much madness. And like, I know stories about people's parents dying and it turns out they had other families. I know stories about people being lied to about who their parents are.

27:16Joanne McNally:There's like kind of women who had birth really young and then their mother raised the child as theirs. So their sister is actually their mother. It's all going on. It's all kicking off. I know people. Where did that come from, that conversation? EastEnders, I think. EastEnders? It came from Twins, as far as I know. So you're going to Ibiza tomorrow. I went to Ibiza, had a great time, did not make it to Carl Cox. It was, it's, I'm not a nighttime girl. I think I'm more like, like, I'd like to go to Ibiza next year. And I'd like to go for like two or three days, day party it up. So like from lunchtime till about midnight, have loads of drinks, have loads of fun.

27:59And then I like to go to bed. I can't be going to a club at half three in the morning. It's just, I just, and you know what I was thinking? DJs probably don't want to be playing at that time either. They probably want to go to bed.

28:11Joanne McNally:I mean, Vogue, this is nothing we didn't know. The chances of you going to see Carl Cox at 3am were about as much as me going to a Pilates class at 6am. It ain't going to fucking happen. It was originally sold to me as 1am and I would have made 1am. Really? Would you have even made 1? You're pregnant. I would have made 1. Listen, Amber and I, we were out till 12 watching the match, which was brilliant, by the way. I want to talk about the World Cup. We were out till 12 watching the match and I could have easily made it to 1, but because it was half three. And then I was thinking, I'm sure Kyle Cox doesn't want to be on stage at half three either.

28:49Joanne McNally:Oh, I'd say he's having a ball. You know, he's like the longest resident DJ out there. the biggest DJ out there. Something impressive. Do you not think he'd rather be on stage at six? Home by 11? No, I really don't. I don't think so. I don't think so. But now that I am involved in the Ibiza scene, I am thinking, there's people getting in touch with me, like, oh, I'm DJing here. Come here, I'm DJing here. I fucking love to DJ. She's going to have another career change. Like the florist. I might pivot. and go out to DJ. No offence to the DJ community. It doesn't look that hard. It depends the kind of DJing you're doing.

29:31Joanne McNally:They're just playing an iPod Nano. There was DJs and they called themselves the Faders because they used to just fade in and out of songs so they didn't actually mix. So you could do, you could be Fader. You could just, that could be your name. Fader. You just switch in and out of songs. I'll just bring my CD player. I'll bring a mic. do you know what those Fisher Price musical boxes with the mic yeah I'll be ironic or something why don't you just use your YouTube app fuck it go all out use your YouTube app you'll find great remixes on the YouTube exactly just like a house party look what Justin Bieber did he just went up and played his old YouTube videos I just want to be in the scene it feels really fun a lot of sequins a lot of women having the crack vaping having champagne staying up late, beach, sunsets, sunrises, great sense of community, good tunes.

30:26Yeah, Joanne, you'd have to stand up there, you'd have to do a bit of work. You can't just go to the bar whenever you want. You can't wee. Where are you weeing?

30:35Joanne McNally:My sound? You're doing a six hour set. You don't see... Well, I'm not going to do... I'm only starting. You're not going to book me for six hours. So how long are you going to start? Are you going to just do an hour set? No, I'll do like stand-up. I'll do a tight 10.

30:54John's coming up to play. I'll do a tight 10. You could play a Solomon track to start with, which is six and a half minutes probably, and then just mix into another one and then fuck off. That's all you have to do.

31:04Joanne McNally:I know I constantly say I'm not into music, but I do have great taste in tunes. Glow Room, Carry Me Home. I would just play that on repeat because that's a really good tune. and I'd be like it's the Glow Room set do you want to come and dance to Glow Room carry me home over and over and over and over again where are my ADHD girlies let's go yeah and then I I wouldn't I wouldn't leave obviously but I would just wet myself I guess I mean I've wet myself in professional situations before you'd be drenched in sweat anyway no one would know the difference no one would know the difference oh god it's going to be really bad isn't it I can't wait for the stories I don't know I think if you just party at night is probably the best idea for you.

31:48Go into the club where there's air con and just stay inside all day long. Someone was texting me yesterday and she was like, we just stay inside for most of the day and go in and out to the pool sometimes, but it's too hot. It's too hot to go

32:02Joanne McNally:to the pool. It is exceptionally, I don't know why it's so hot over there. Maybe it's gone down. It's the humidity. I don't know. It's El Nino. There's a global heat wave. It's El Nino. I got back here though and it was like normal temperature and we're able to sit outside. It's not like going to, it's not going to, it doesn't feel like the pits of hell. I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to bite the bullet and get one of those neck fans. I just don't know. You think you're going to have to take quite a few fans away. I would suggest packing that purple one you always use on the pod. I'm going to stop taking my meds.

32:38Joanne McNally:That's a good idea, isn't it? That sounds like a really good idea actually. I'm going to go to my weeb, unmedicated. Drink all the booze that you can find. Yeah. And then, yeah, that's a great idea. And try and crack into the industry by repeatedly playing Glow Worm Carry Me Home. I think it's going to go really well. What the hell is Glow Worm Carry Me Home? Joe, can we play it there? It's my song. No, definitely not. No, definitely not. If you're listening, don't go away now to listen to it, but do remind yourself to have a listen to that. It's really good. Yeah. I think I'd get married to that song.

33:16Did anybody watch the World Cup final? Jo, I know you did. Joanne, did you not? I don't. I know it happened.

33:28Joanne McNally:I know it happened. I knew it happened and I knew you would tell me about it. Wow. It was so funny. The night that the UK were kicked out, So I was in, sitting in my kitchen and I heard this explosive roar. Like it was like an earthquake. And I was like, oh my God, they've scored. England scored. And then just silence. And people walking home past the house, just stone cold silence. You could just feel the disappointment in the air. I'm sorry for your loss, Jo. They did. No, they came third. They did pretty well for themselves. And they came third in a match that had 6-4 against France, who were, I don't know, I've gotten really into it, who were the original, people thought that France were going to win it originally.

34:16But anyway, Spain, Argentina in the final. I was watching it outside the hotel. They set up this big screen. Me and Amber were watching it, but I don't know what was going on. Someone upstairs, their feed was slightly ahead of ours. So like about 30 seconds before we'd see a goal, they'd be like, way!

34:34Joanne McNally:And we'd be like, oh, I'm waiting to see what happened. So like we knew someone had scored, but it was Spain, Argentina in the final and people did not like the World Cup. It was at the halftime show that they had. Well, that bit I did see. The football, like even when you're talking to me about the football, and this is no offence to you, it's like when my dad tried to teach me to my times tables, I just zown out. I can't, I really struggle to take in the information, but the halftime show, that I did watch. Oh my god, the halftime show was like it was like if the Eurovision had money it was mental and why does it bother it was but it was like America had just been like right we'll show them what a half time show is and so much like there's nothing Madonna could ever do that would make me say that she wasn't good and I think Madonna at the start she was epic she had Stuart Price a really good DJ behind her who produced her albums but then she had Ronaldo and Ronaldinho sitting in a car with her.

35:43Ronaldo looked like a corpse, a smiling corpse. He just didn't. Like, I know he's like one of the greatest. Which Ronaldo? Original Ronaldo. Original Ronaldo.

35:54Joanne McNally:Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he literally looked like a smiling corpse with his hands 10 to 2. He was doing nothing. At least Ronaldinho, he kind of was moving a little bit with the music. I get that they're total football legends. But like, I mean, anyone, I suppose if someone said, do you want to go on stage at Madonna? You'd be like, yes, please. I do want to go on stage at Madonna. But they just didn't do anything. It didn't make sense. But her, she was really good. I didn't. Madonna. I just think Madonna's come too far in her career to be performing with the Muppets. I don't feel like she did a full performance with the Muppets.

36:26They just were there. They had their own section. I heard she was upstaged by the Muppets. She definitely wasn't upstaged by the Muppets. I don't know. I don't know where the Muppets came. I didn't understand why the Muppets were there. No shade to the Muppets. It didn't really make sense.

36:43Joanne McNally:The Americans, as we know, they do try and Americanize things and they love a halftime show. Like, I'd say... I'm actually surprised they don't do halftime shows at their own funerals. I can only imagine they're like, before we lay this woman to rest, we're going to welcome Shakira to the stage. Like, for presidential funerals and stuff, I'm surprised that Shania Twain isn't doing a couple of medleys at the top. Shakira. He was on a halftime show. And I will just always have a deep love for Shakira because obviously she got fucked over by her fella, Gerard Piquet, who was a footballer and he actually was in the World Cup four years ago.

37:19Wasn't there this year? But Shakira was. And she looked unbelievable. And I just feel like Shakira, she held her head up high in all that shit. She got away with the tax stuff too. She got away with the tax stuff. So she didn't have to pay the tax bill. She kind of did. she didn't have to pay it

37:36Joanne McNally:well when I was looking at her twirling around I was like hon as someone who also likes to write things off I hope she knows half this fee has to be put aside for the tax that's all I was thinking were you worried about her? I was worried I was like she thinks she's going to write all these pants off I'd say she can look back on it and be like you know what fine everything has turned out the way it was meant to turn out but you'll always have that little even with this person that cheated on me you'll always have that little and when you see the person that they cheated with sometimes I'm like all is fair in love and jam wasn't that how she found out that he was cheating on her the jam she came home and her jam that she loved and her husband didn't like the jam had been eaten even if that's not true I'm not going to google access you don't even need to allegedly that shit Jo that's actually true I read it on clickbait news wherever Vogue's getting her news from.

38:38Joanne McNally:I read it from... Who knows? News. I read it from... Take it with a pinch of salt.

38:50Joanne McNally:Speaking of the World Cup, are we going to discuss the fact that Robbie Williams, everyone was accused of being on drugs? It was actually really funny. For anyone who didn't see it, Robbie was performing, obviously, because literally, like, I don't know who wasn't. I'm surprised you weren't performing good girl over there like everyone was over there I told them I was on my holidays I couldn't make it yeah you're like I'm in a spa resort and I beat that I don't have the time or the interest you were like it's free I'm not going so he was being interviewed after it was on German TV wasn't it was it German TV a friend of mine was like he's only wearing a track seat I was like well at least he's out of the bed do you remember he took to the bed for years yeah and he was just going around in his knickers yeah he did a documentary on a pair of knickers he's making an effort anyway something fell out of his face it was white and it fell on the mic and he flipped it off and of course the internet because the internet loves accusing people of doing drugs it's one of their favourite things even though half of them are already on drugs themselves but it's that thing of like ha ha ha look at you because there's so much shame around drugs and judgment around drugs.

40:02Joanne McNally:Anyway, it turned out it was a mint and he did a very funny video where he kind of apologized for it and everything. But he's clean and sober years. Although I will say, when I saw the length of the halftime show, I was like, no wonder. When I didn't know what was going on, I said, I don't blame him. Did you see Gabby Logan? A little bump. Get himself through that shit show. Gabby Logan was interviewed. Wayne Rooney, they were all chatting there on this panel and she just goes to Wayne Rooney. Well, Wayne, what did you think of that? I thought it was crap. I thought it was crap. He was just like.

40:35And she's like, well, what was the best part for you? When it ended, I'm sorry. It was crap.

40:41Joanne McNally:Good man, Wayne. He's had a glow up. He's had a glow up, hasn't he? Jesus. I thought he looked like Wayne. Do you know I was offered a hair transplant, speaking of Wayne Rainey? Yeah. Company got in touch. Who? Really lovely woman. Where is it? In Turkey? No, it's in England. Oh. And she was like, hey, she was like, look, we listen to the pod and we hear you always talking about your hairline and you're on the monoxidol. And would you be interested in getting like a hair transplant at the front? And I wrote back going, stop. As in, I was, wow, because that's how I respond to things. I say stop and wow.

41:15Joanne McNally:Yeah. In a positive way. But she read it as, wow. Stop. She was like, oh, my God, I'm so, so sorry. You're gorgeous. Your hair's gorgeous. Your hairline's gorgeous. I didn't mean to. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying. Yes, please. yes please in a good way and she was like oh my god I nearly died I thought that you I'd really offended you and I was like no no no no not at all and then I actually voice noted her and then there was an Irish nurse in the background going see I told you you didn't offend her I'll let you do most things and I let you I let you go on your merry way and just do most of the things that you like to do but I'm not gonna let you get a hair transplant I'm sorry you can't you can't I'm sorry I've fucked it in.

42:00Joanne McNally:Oh, for fuck's sake. No. Jo, honestly, this can't. Well, we're talking dates. So what I was saying was. Oh my, please no. What I would like to do. I have a receding. I have a bit of receding, which I am plugging back with the regain and the minoxidil. But I would like, just, just, I'm not saying I want a fringe. I'm not saying I want it down to my eyebrows. I wouldn't mind just an extra couple of inches at the front. But I'm going to wait till next year when I have nothing on. Not that I have nothing on, but I'm not on tour with Pina Fowler. I'm not doing a lot of TV. You don't have to shave your head.

42:36Joanne McNally:When I'm writing my book, I can have a hair transplant when I'm writing the book. I just don't... Okay, I just... Listen, everyone should do what they want to do, their own body, their own choice. But I really just don't feel like you need a hair transplant. And I just don't think it's... I think that you'll be... You won't like it. I don't think you'll like it. I think I'll love it. Okay. Okay, well, that is... What's happening? I have a lot of control over Geron, as you can see. Back to the World Cup. Sorry. Argentina. I'm sorry, but they are very rough. I didn't like the way they were rough with England.

43:14And I like a conspiracy theory. And the conspiracy behind... And they were very rough with Spain. Your man at the end came up and battered one of the players in Spain. And nothing was done by FIFA. And the conspiracy is that people think that FIFA were trying to get Argentina to win the World Cup. So what they did was they let them away with loads of things that no other team would have been led away with, when actually they should have been kicked out. And actually, when they were playing England, they should have lost players because they should have been red carded. And they weren't. And this is the conspiracy that I'm looking at.

43:48Because Donald Trump wanted, because he goes on about how much he hates the Spanish. The feeling is mutual. he goes on how much he hates the Spanish hates the Spanish?

43:58Joanne McNally:Like why?

44:02There's actually a quote about what he says about the whole nation of Spain. It's like dude! And then he had to present them with the World Cup at the end and as you were trying to say earlier, they couldn't get him off the stage and they had to cut him out of the pictures. He's just standing like a complete plunker in the middle of them all.

44:21Joanne McNally:Yeah, he was very much drunk and won't get out of metting photos. That was very much the vibe. I have an explanation for why everything's going nuts. I don't know if you're familiar with Mercury and retrograde. It's always doing something though. That's why I just kind of stay out of it. Because at any point it's in retrograde. Like all the time. It's not always in retrograde. But apparently this is more retrograde-y than ever before in the Mercury. So I obviously don't believe in astrology at all. I'm a science person. however once I got wind that this was basically an amnesty for bad behavior I think we should really lean in so people real people with brains and careers and and normal things are saying that they're using this as a genuine excuse as to why shit's gone loco because we're all cucumbers and we're basically pulling and we're a victim of the tides and the waters and mercury is in retrograde i don't know what that means but what i do understand that it means is key the car turn up to the ex's garden fuck it up do you know what i mean get a chest hat and quit your job all these things will be explainable there's no accountability anymore until mercury goes out of retrograde or something i don't know when is it is it in or out of retrograde at the moment because you just never know joe what is it doing google it joe because there's something big going on with mercury and the retrogrades.

45:49If you're going to do anything ill-advised, you need to do it today. That's day of recording the 23rd. By the time you hear this, Mercury won't be in retrograde anymore. Oh, it's gone. So cut it out. Okay. So everything you were planning for Ibiza, Joanne, you'd want to pull back a bit on that now because it's tough. It'll next be in retrograde on October the 24th, so just note that down.

46:09Joanne McNally:Do you know what I want to do with Ibiza? It's back in retrograde. Yeah, but this one was particularly retrograde-y, apparently. According to all the women now sitting in prison.

46:22Joanne McNally:It's not me. It's the fucking stars. Do you know what I want to do? Do you know why I'm really going to Ibiza? Why? Because I think my husband is there and I think it's the manager of Pikes. Now, for anyone not aware of the viral voice note that went around. I was a patron. That was all. Can I just say, that was the only thing I saw in Ibiza. I saw one person in a K-hole and I was like, great trip made. eight o 'clock at night being dragged out of a car couldn't walk in a total KO and I was like that's what I came to Ibiza for there you go tick tick just to see the sights just to see the sights the manager the manager of bikes basically voice notes this lad's friend he picks up this guy's phone who's in a bad way and he voice notes his friend and he's like to his friend can you come and pick up your friend he's after falling into a KO and he's in absolute bits hearing bikes and the guy goes I'm sound and he goes yeah yeah and he goes listen come and get him he's in a K-hole manager from Pike's here come and get your friend he's in a K-hole I thought that was really sound yeah you are sound and he goes you've manoeuvred me like you think I'm some sort of can you say that word anymore I'm repeating what he said and then the manager goes yeah you are anyway and then moves on with the conversation and it's very funny and everyone laughed anyway that's I mean the dream is to hook up with the manager of Pikes.

47:47Joanne McNally:The reality is I'll probably end up with the guy in the Cahill. Tune in next week to find out. It's all good stuff. Or Wayne Rooney, you'll be back into Ocean Beach. It's all good stuff. I did see. I saw a few sites now in the morning in Ibiza airport. Oh, yeah. I'm very nervous about that. I had a very nice time.

48:10Remember when we were coming home from Ibiza and I had Otto there, but Joanne had gone out with my friend Megan and they kicked the shit out of you as you would do in Ibiza when in Rome or Megan hadn't slept because we had a morning flight and do you remember you going around the airport with Otto in the boogie me

48:32Joanne McNally:oh my god yes I loved it I loved it she just turned into this super mom for some reason with no sleep. I had the nicest time. I loved it. I had so much. I don't know what I was doing. I just really took to him that day, didn't I? Like, I took to what I had. I had the day off. I was thrilled with myself. I actually totally forgot about that. That was good. Well, next time we speak, I'll be in Ibiza. So, I'm assuming my microphone won't work because it'll be underwater. Thanks for listening. We'll see you on Wednesday. Like and subscribe if you are that way inclined. And please keep sending us your emails.

49:17Joanne McNally:We love to read them. Hello at mtgmpod.com. See you later.

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