Bonnie Blue, Aliens & The Man Who Slipped On The Ice

8 Aug 2025 · 45 min · 19 chapters

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In short

The episode is a mix of banter and commentary: they start with sexual “celebrity kiss/bed” ratings from De Moi, then swap stories about petting a sea lion and holding a snake/iguana at an animal sanctuary. They pivot to the viral documentary about Bonnie Blue (Tia Billinger), discussing accusations that she’s a rage-baiting troll, diagnosing her as having a “male business brain,” and claiming she’s motivated mainly by money, with family involvement and fear of acid attacks. They also discuss Margate/sea air, a hotel window mishap (coffee cup falls on a passerby), and a rumor that a spaceship/alien object is coming toward Earth in November, debating what they’d do if aliens arrive.

Guests

Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally (hosts).

Notable examples

Ryan Gosling “lazy in bed” review, Bonnie Blue’s “choke me in a glass box” style content, and the “man who slipped on the ice” Irish viral figure.

Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.

Chapters

Tap a time to open that second in VO

Celebrity Gossip and Humor

0:15 to 1:05

The hosts discuss humorous sayings and celebrity gossip, including a playful take on the Pope.

“Hello and welcome to my therapist ghost of me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally.”

Dumois and Celebrity Ratings

1:05 to 2:24

Joanne explains the Dumois platform where celebrities are rated based on intimate encounters.

“I am hoping I don't appear because it would be 10 out of 10 kissing for sure.”

Personal Experiences with Intimacy

2:24 to 4:05

Vogue shares her views on intimacy and sexual experiences, bringing a light-hearted perspective.

“That was one night and I was really tired.”

Discussing Ryan Gosling and Sexual Encounters

4:05 to 6:13

The hosts discuss Ryan Gosling's reputation and share their thoughts on sexual encounters with humor.

“I have a sexual bipolar disease, I would say.”

Animal Sanctuary Adventures

6:13 to 7:26

Vogue recounts her fun day at an animal sanctuary, including petting various animals.

“Sphinx cats if you dunked its head in Gorilla Glue.”

Transition to Bonnie Blue Discussion

7:26 to 9:16

The hosts transition to discussing the documentary on Bonnie Blue and its implications.

“Can I talk about Bonnie Blue now, please?”

Analysis of Bonnie Blue's Persona

9:16 to 11:04

Vogue shares her analysis of Bonnie Blue, discussing her motivations and behavior.

“People are accusing her of being autistic and everything.”

Critique of Bonnie Blue's Impact

11:04 to 13:24

The hosts critique Bonnie Blue's impact and the societal implications of her actions.

“because that's obviously started from when she was younger.”

Carvana and Buyer’s Rejoice

14:01 to 14:46

Learn about the perks of buying a car from Carvana.

“If there was a TikTok of a lot giving me a hickey at latitude, I'd be like, I'm emigrating to Albania.”

Bonnie Blue and Peppa Pig

14:47 to 17:57

The hosts share their thoughts on Bonnie Blue and a humorous discussion about Peppa Pig.

“See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com.”
Show all 19 chapters

Victorian Remedies and Nerves

17:58 to 19:55

Discussion about Victorian prescriptions for anxiety and their own experiences with nerves.

“She's from Margate and she's very, she's mad about Margate and she's always like promoting Margate and she's very involved in the community.”

NASA and the Upcoming Spaceship

19:56 to 23:01

The hosts joke about a spaceship approaching Earth and speculate about its implications.

“It started coming towards Earth 80 years ago when we first ever put satellite signals out.”

Planning for Alien Arrival

23:02 to 26:04

Hosts discuss their plans and thoughts if aliens were to arrive on Earth.

“the end of the world is a coming and it is happening in November.”

Alien Dilemmas and Family Baths

28:00 to 29:59

The hosts discuss hypothetical scenarios involving aliens and personal family dynamics.

“Yes we would I would shame her Oh wait can we guess?”

Gladiators and Theories on Alien Landings

30:00 to 31:02

The conversation shifts to the aftermath of a physical challenge and theories about how aliens might arrive on Earth.

“Joanne what would you actually do with the aliens?”

The Man Who Slipped On The Ice

31:03 to 37:21

A humorous discussion about a viral incident from 2010 involving a man slipping on ice and his mysterious identity.

“But yeah, I mean I think the more the merrier.”

Presidential Nominations and Celebrities

37:22 to 42:00

The hosts joke about unconventional presidential candidates from Ireland, including celebrities and viral figures.

“A man slipped on the ice in the back of a news report in 2010 during the big freeze in Ireland.”

Lindsay Lohan's Influence and Public Image

42:00 to 44:05

Discussion on Lindsay Lohan's career, public perception, and representation of redheads.

“and we'd finally get invited to the president's garden party.”

The Absurdity of Beauty Trends

44:05 to 45:44

A humorous take on bizarre beauty trends involving snails and other oddities.

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Transcript

Automatic transcript. May contain errors.

0:01Vogue Williams:This is a Global Player original podcast.

0:15Vogue Williams:Hello and welcome to my therapist ghost of me with me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally.

0:27Vogue Williams:I was just reading do you follow De Moi does a Pope defecate in the woods as they say yes that is the saying I think actually it's a much better saying than the original so

0:38Joanne McNally:does the Pope have a bowel movement in the forest if you will John MacDowdy you are a hoot a hoot stop the lights shall have a degree in English folk there's loads more with this going from this woman is a mad joke I'm telling you mad she's a mad bitch look at her there with her two words mad as a box of frogs does a pope ejaculate in a bush not quite the same we've hit the wall okay let's carry on do I what does the pope come in a sponge

1:14Vogue Williams:that is absolutely grouse sorry the new pope is quite young isn't he

1:21Joanne McNally:I'd say he does come on a sponge he's old enough to come I can tell you or he wouldn't get the job

1:28Vogue Williams:anyway less of the Pope coming chat so there's this well there's a bit of come chat here Dumois has this page where basically people send in celebrities that they've been kissing or slept with and they rate them and they send in this whole thing so like you can read about like all these hot celebrities and what they're like in bed and how they kiss and I thoroughly enjoy it. Yeah. Are we in it? Oh no, I am. I am hoping I don't appear because it would be 10 out of 10 kissing for sure. Absolute wet fish in bed. Didn't move.

2:05Joanne McNally:Well, that's, you're defamatorying a wet fish because all they do is flop around. That's basically their gig.

2:13Vogue Williams:A dead wet fish. Yeah, there you go.

2:15Joanne McNally:There you go. Yeah, that's what's important.

2:21Joanne McNally:I've had well we've spoken about this before but like I've had sex with people that I didn't want to now I'm not I'm not saying it was as dark as that sounds I mean like obviously consent was given but I just the vibe was not there for me and I kind of did it out of politeness really there's like a sexual etiquette that I felt I had to abide by and I can only imagine if they did a sexual yelp on me the rating would not be great

2:49Vogue Williams:well Joanne And you know, I actually find that insulting. That was one night and I was really tired.

2:54Joanne McNally:No, no, no. I said I wasn't up for it. You're always up for it. That's why we do the pod remote now. I started getting a bit handsy. It's a safety issue for me. Yeah.

3:11Joanne McNally:I know we're here to have a good time, Val, but it's not what I call having a good time.

3:17Vogue Williams:You have led me on in the past and that is why I always think I'll just give it a go. I don't know what kind of mood you should be in today. You never know. You never know.

3:24Joanne McNally:Leading you on by laughing at your jokes indeed. That's literally Geoffrey Dahmer's pick up line.

3:34Vogue Williams:You bloody loved it. Ryan Gosling, surprising. He is a great kisser. Lazy in bed.

3:41Joanne McNally:I just, in defence of Ryan Gosling and I don't know the man, I've never met him personally or non-personally. But what I will say is if someone is taking your sexual activity to a website to review it, and you know I'm not a fan of reviewers, I'm not going to take it at face value. I would say, Ryan, I'm sorry to whoever wrote this review in. I'd say he wasn't feeling it. That's what I would say. I have a sexual bipolar disease, I would say. If I'm into it, I am beyond into it. if I'm not into it my god it's hostile I've got to be honest

4:20Vogue Williams:if I'm if I'm if I if I'm getting to Ryan

4:25Joanne McNally:I won't stop it but I will be very anti it

4:32Vogue Williams:you'll know you will know

4:33Joanne McNally:that is my toxic trait

4:34Vogue Williams:Ryan Gosling though I just think because he's so hot I wouldn't that is like on a very rare occasion I wouldn't mind doing all the work I wouldn't care if he was a dead fish I'd just be happy to be with the dead fish of course You're happy to be in the room Okay I'll tell you about the weird thing that I did Well not a weird thing, a fun thing that I did today There is, about 15 minutes from my mum's house There is a sanctuary that they like save animals And you can go and like there doesn't seem to be any rules or regulations up there Because they just let you in to pet all the animals I petted a sea lion today Have you ever touched a sea lion?

5:10Vogue Williams:I know I couldn't bloody wait to see what it felt like Can I guess? Yes You love guessing Joanne Imagine her as a child

5:22Vogue Williams:Can we play guessing Please

5:24Joanne McNally:I just think it adds to things When you're involved You know I would say A sea lion feels like A kind of a Sticky grape Or something Like I'd say there's A little bit of resistance there Or like a Maybe like a A bristly Like What's those Badminton What are the badminton balls that they use.

5:45Vogue Williams:Shuttlecock.

5:46Joanne McNally:I'd say it's like a sticky shuttlecock at the head of it. Is it?

5:49Vogue Williams:No, it is not. But that is a better. Jo, would you like to guess? I don't want to take away from anyone. Yeah, I'd love to. Could I go for an extremely wet and slightly sticky short-haired Labrador? Oh. Oh, that is not far off.

6:06Joanne McNally:Oh, I'll go again. Oh, okay. Fantastic. I was hoping so. I would say is it like one of those Sphinx cats if you dunked its head in Gorilla Glue. I've never petted one of them. Well, I mean...

6:21Vogue Williams:With glue on its head.

6:22Joanne McNally:Yeah. Neither have I now, I'll be honest, but that's just where my imagination has taken me.

6:26Vogue Williams:No, I would say you got a bit colder there. Joe had gotten warmer. You've taken it back a bit chillier now. No? Okay. Will I tell you? Yeah. Okay, fine. So it kind of feels like, imagine, you know, when your hair is really wet in the shower. Like it's full wet, full of water. It's like that, but if you put a little bit of oil on top of it. oh okay that's

6:44Joanne McNally:I think me and Jo's suggestions are more interesting but sure

6:49Vogue Williams:okay sorry John I can't help how a sea lion feels

6:53Joanne McNally:if I was a sea lion I would not be hiring you as my publicist that's all I'm saying there was very little flowering of the language there it was quite basic I think you've underselled them

7:03Vogue Williams:anyway go on anyway I pet the sea lion did not smell like fish which surprised me I wasn't no judgement about the sea lions but we all went in to pet them and you're well you're only allowed pet one of them because the two bite. But isn't that cool? And then I held it and I held a snake. I know I know I was there with the kids, but like they go, I let them I let them hold them first. But then I held a snake and I touched an iguana. A great day was had.

7:26Joanne McNally:Well, thank you, David Attenborough. This is great feedback for us. Thank you for the nature walk. Can I talk about Bonnie Blue now, please?

7:36Vogue Williams:God, will we get it over with? Go on, tell me about it. You watched it. I knew you'd watch it.

7:42Joanne McNally:Do you want to guess what Bonnie Blue feels like in response to the sea lion? It's pretty much the same. Like an extremely wet, slightly sticky, short-headed...

Read the full transcript

7:51Vogue Williams:It's fair to say she'd be very sticky. That was a good segue.

7:56Joanne McNally:So, Vogue refuses to engage with any Bonnie Blue content. She's happier out petting her sea lions. But the documentary is everywhere.

8:06Vogue Williams:Through just general osmosis. I know that her name is Tia Billinger, thanks to Joanne.

8:11Joanne McNally:It's basically about all her kind of A Thousand Men and Me And that she wrote these A Thousand Men in a Day And there's a lot of accusations of So she's a rage baiter She's a troll We know that She does it on purpose It's how she gets the most traction To get all her money And she's making millions a month And people are trying to diagnose her She's a sociopath She's a psychopath Blah blah blah So having watched the documentary I have a diagnosis for Bonnie Blue Okay She is a man Oh What? Yeah Now not in the traditional way of transitioning I'm not saying she was originally a man And has transitioned She has a male brain She is the Alan Sugar of riding She doesn't give a fuck She is a business bitch She likes to see her bank balance go up The way I like to see my skin pigmentation go down She is just money mad There is no money enough There will never be enough money She has no friends She said she's kind of lost all her friends because she can't go out.

9:10Joanne McNally:She's afraid of getting like acid attacks in the street. There is no life outside of what she's doing, but she is just hyper-focused. People are accusing her of being autistic and everything. I genuinely think she is just, she's actually just trolling women to get to men, if you get me. Like her whole thing is like, come down, I'll do what your wife won't do and you can choke me in a glass box. And it's all very strange for women because we don't understand it because you don't see women who behave like that that often. But she is, I don't think there's anything wrong with her per se, but I think she has a male brain.

9:46Vogue Williams:I think though, I think even if she has a male brain, I genuinely don't think that she will have a happy life because of everything she's doing. She obviously doesn't already. She doesn't have any friends. She can't go out because she's scared of getting acid attacked. How is that a happy life? It's not.

10:03Joanne McNally:Because this was my big takeaway from it. What makes her happy is money. She's like the Elon Musk of riding. It's all cash based. So she is absolutely happy out. There is nothing wrong with her. She's just not like us. She's not like a regular woman in the way that she's concerned with, you know, kind of being accepted into a female community, all that stuff. She does not give a shit. She is money, money, money, money, money. to the point where everything else it's a very male way of thinking in my opinion. She's a numbers guy. She's a business bitch. She's got a great work ethic I can tell you that much.

10:41Joanne McNally:And I would recommend her for some sort of motivational speaking.

10:44Vogue Williams:I think that the whole thing is just too weird and too tapped. I think the fact that her family are involved in helping her do it is so fucked up that her mother is like singing proud about all that kind of stuff because it's just Money, money, money. I know but it's just Money, money. Do you know what? Do you know what? I would hate it. Like, I actually, I feel sorry for her because that's obviously started from when she was younger. If her own mother is doing that with her. Like her mother, like how could you, how could you think that you're a good mother if you're going to allow something like that?

11:14Vogue Williams:And then your daughter's scared to go on the street because she's going to get acid attack. Even what she does, I don't think that she deserves to have to feel like that. I know she rage mates people, but to have to actually be that concerned about it, I just think the whole thing is just, I find it really sad. All of it to me is just sad.

11:29Joanne McNally:I think she's just an unusual person. I think she's just a different gravy. She beats to her own drum. And I think the more that she aggravates women, because it's women she aggravates. Men just think she's a whore or they'll ride her. It's women she's aggravating. The more women she aggravates, the less she gives a shit. And she'll say things like, I'm afraid of getting an acid attack, but at least these fat women are getting off their cage. It's like she's learnt by rote. It's like she did a masterclass by Andrew Tate or something. and she's like this is my job now and she's making so much money and this is a very unfeminist thing to say but like her only overhead are her ankles that's it and the content guy that she's using it's all going into her own bank account and she's absolutely thrilled but you know the way she was kicked off OnlyFans yeah and so her her pay has had like a real drop because she was just getting too mad they're like not even we can get behind this fucking madness and now the British government are thinking about kind of rebranding the whole barely legal genre of porn because even though by the way men have been riding girls with pigtails for fucking years so I don't know why that she's getting the shit for that but I was like wouldn't it be hilarious and hilarious in a very dark way if she had to start doing ads like who the fuck imagine after a gangbang she's like wiping the comb out of her eyes and she's like I built my website with Squarespace like I just don't know where she's going to go.

12:53Joanne McNally:Is Emma Mattress going to be like oh will you tag me in that gangbang it's not going to happen do you know what I mean

12:59Vogue Williams:yeah but that's why she has she has a very short shelf life like this will only like her stunts aren't going to be interesting to people anymore this is such a short shelf life that is why she's probably trying to earn as much money as she can keep it all in her bank because what is she going to do

13:15Joanne McNally:after

13:16Vogue Williams:how much money does she need

13:19Joanne McNally:this is what I mean she's that male business brain and like forgive me if that's a very sexist thing to say I don't think that women lack that but there's a shame switch in her that just is not there it's like a sensitivity that most women have I think it just isn't there for her but you know what? fucking go go Bonnie go for it

13:45Vogue Williams:can you imagine the shame I would be in if I did that my shame switch is just so horrendous that like if I did something like that, I'd be like, I wouldn't be able to, I wouldn't survive it. I don't think I'd survive.

14:04Joanne McNally:If there was a TikTok of a lot giving me a hickey at latitude, I'd be like, I'm emigrating to Albania. You're never going to see me again.

14:19Vogue Williams:Evening, by his remorse, buy a new car, I'll be moving in. Let's get started.

14:26Joanne McNally:Uh, sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana.

14:29Vogue Williams:You what?

14:30Joanne McNally:Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it.

14:33Vogue Williams:So there's no...

14:34Joanne McNally:No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice.

14:37Vogue Williams:Ugh, I guess I'll let myself out.

14:41Joanne McNally:Congratulations. I mean it. Buyer's rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com.

14:53Joanne McNally:Have you had a cocktail?

14:54Vogue Williams:I've been drinking no I'm never drinking again obviously don't bring it up

14:57Joanne McNally:okay fine

15:09Joanne McNally:even when she's saying things that are supposed to be enticing you'd see her in the documentary she'll say something like I can't wait to have my insides rearranged and it is with it is with it is with the same kind of coldness that cabin crew

15:25Vogue Williams:would be like chicken or fish. I have to be honest with you. I am hung over today and this is making me feel shame about something I didn't even do. I'm very anxious now. Are we done

15:37Joanne McNally:with Bonnie Blue? We're done with Bonnie Blue. But the more we push back on her, the more belligerent she will come. She is just an unusual woman. That's what I would say. That's my take on her. Okay, let's on to happier things. Come on. Let's talk about Peppa Pig. Would you

15:56Vogue Williams:let me show you a rainbow and a cupcake well would you like an update on the La Boobie dolls? Sure! Big time. So after I've only got two here by the way just two of them and you're not supposed to cut the tags off so I hadn't before you judge me but so Theodore has hounded me for for weeks and weeks and weeks about this La Boobie doll and me and Sven made a bet we were like how long until he forgets about them. I had said a week. Spenny said two weeks. Two days. Two. So now I personally have three LeBuboos because I just don't give a shit. He doesn't care. He's moved on now. He's moved on. He has shown me a lizard on Amazon.

16:41Vogue Williams:Three days running. And I said, Theodore, I'm not looking at the lizard again. I'm not looking at the lizard. Three days choosing a colour lizard that I haven't even said I'd buy him. So now we're on to the lizard. and it's just I can't I actually can't bear it he sat beside me I was like get away I'm not talking about the lizard I am not and then it's between a lizard and a dragon now and he's not getting anything else ever again because he just gave up on the LeBouwe dolls and now I have three I don't even think I like them anymore

17:09Joanne McNally:I'm in Margate I've come to the seaside it is a Victorian prescription for people with a nervous disposition I do suffer with my nerves so I'm here however the Victorians also prescribed milk injections and arsenic. So I'm not saying it's going to work, but it is something I'm trying. And I do find the sea is very soothing.

17:31Vogue Williams:Calming, of course it is.

17:32Joanne McNally:It's very calming, isn't it?

17:34Vogue Williams:That's why Hoth is so nice, you know?

17:36Joanne McNally:That's why Hoth is so nice, yes. Well, I was only thinking about you today because Tracey Emin, the artist, she's kind of like the face of Margate. Similar to you are kind of the face of hoax. Thank you. That's the best compliment she's ever given me. Tracy is very, she's very market focused. She's from Margate and she's very, she's mad about Margate and she's always like promoting Margate and she's very involved in the community. No more than yourself and hoax. And hoax.

18:08Vogue Williams:Yeah. Cannot get enough of the sea air. I am telling you, I went recording. I was filming something in Cornwall about a month ago and I was in foul form before I went up and then I went to Cornwall and I looked out the window at the sea and I was like oh my god I just needed to be by the sea. That was it.

18:24Joanne McNally:It's changed my mood. It's something about the ions or something. I don't know what it is. It's very calming and good for respiratory issues. Respiratory issues yes. Respiratory issues which is great because I am vaping at the moment so I just I take a couple of puffs to vape and then I breathe out the window and then everything is fine.

18:45Vogue Williams:Everything is fine. You're vaping?

18:47Joanne McNally:What flavour? that's your concern I want to know what flavour I'm interested to know it's like I've relapsed really what kind it's anything it's more minty I like a kind of a mint anyway that's not the point although speaking of windows before we came on so I'm staying in this gorgeous hotel it's kind of like seaside and very bougie and stuff but the windows are quite heavy on it so I pulled up the window but I couldn't get it to stay open and it's quite hot at the moment so I put a coffee cup underneath the tube keep it open and then now obviously because the podcast and Jo doesn't allow outside sounds so I tried to try to keep the window open take the coffee cup in anyway sure didn't it fall out the other way smash onto the path outside and I was like oh my god because like I say I suffer with my nerves I was like I've come to Margot to relax and I'm after fucking killing someone looked out the window there was a girl in shock underneath I said I'm so sorry I said well that was very scary I said I'm so sorry so I ran down I should have just run home to be honest but I ran down and no one was harmed only the coffee cup thank God I was like if that was out of the if that was out of the Statue of Liberty someone would be dead yeah but

19:58Vogue Williams:people have been put in prison for doing stuff like that for throwing things off high buildings and against people

20:03Joanne McNally:yeah now it was an accident but I'd probably be in Rikers Island okay

20:06Vogue Williams:yeah yeah yeah

20:11Vogue Williams:okay so Spenny has been scaring the shite out of me all week long because supposedly NASA have said that there is a spaceship, an unidentified flying object, coming towards Earth. It started coming towards Earth 80 years ago when we first ever put satellite signals out. And then this spaceship picked it up and came straight towards Earth. It's been traveling towards us for 80 years and they don't know what it's doing. They can't really, they've gotten a couple of pictures of it. It looks a bit like a Christmas decoration. so obviously I think it looks lovely and it's meant to arrive in November.

20:51Vogue Williams:Just in time for Christmas. Yeah.

20:54Joanne McNally:Yeah. It's Santa. Are you sure it's not the new John Lewis on? This sounds like very something like they would do. Are you not even slightly worried? Is Lily Allen on it by any chance?

21:10No.

21:12Vogue Williams:I'm terrified. I haven't slept well the last two nights because I'm like oh my god what's going to happen but there's nothing that we can do

21:19Joanne McNally:nothing we can do space is mad there's always bits cracking off and flying around up there isn't there it's like a construction site it's like getting your kitchen done just wear a hard hat and hope for the best like okay look I don't like to fact check fun stories because I think it's fun to think that we're on the receiving end of impending death at times because it kind of keeps things light keeps things moving you know always good to have a bucket list on hand however what I read was that the physicist who has put this narrative out there that it's probably aliens in some sort of and a sinister alien not a sound alien is that it's almost like a drill that they're kind of saying what if and so other physicists are like it's just the same as all the other comets flying towards us it'll fucking crack off and it's not going to hit us but obviously we have previous trauma from the dinosaurs so we're triggered because that was that was a comet situation but that there's no real evidence in salience.

22:16Joanne McNally:But you know what? If it is... It might be. If it is, it is. My theory has always been that we're so... There's two ways of looking at this. Either we're so thick as shit now as a civilisation that they're like, now is the time because they'll invade and we're all just busy doing the apple dance or whatever that we're not even going to notice.

22:36Vogue Williams:I don't think they're... I certainly don't think they're coming in peace. I think they're coming to obliterate all of us. I think that we're going to restart. We've made such a... What if they are coming in peace, though? Who travels 80 years to come in peace? Nobody. Space travel? I don't know. Second coming of Jesus Christ? Jesus. Could be Jesus. It's not Jesus. It's not Jesus. It's definitely aliens and they're coming and they're gone. Listen, the world, the end of the world is a coming and it is happening in November.

23:06Joanne McNally:I just think there's something to be said for maybe they're coming in soundness. Could be coming in sexiness, you know. There was a time when Homo sapiens rode Neanderthals. Maybe it's a cross-species thing, you know. That's how we got Labradoodles. I'm happy to ride them. If there's some sort of alien hinge, I'll sign up. That would be quite interesting. You never know. Cross-species, you know. Imagine me with fins and a tail. Why not? Like a lizard tongue.

23:43Vogue Williams:would you still hang out with me

23:44Joanne McNally:no

23:45Vogue Williams:no no ah you wouldn't Jo come on if she's going around with a fishtail no one's going to want to hang out with her

23:50Joanne McNally:honestly I'm a bit bored at the moment if it was aliens arriving for Christmas I'd be like sound let them turn on the Christmas lights let's get the festive season going what would you do Vogue what would you really really do if you thought aliens were arriving in November real aliens and we didn't know if they were coming in peace in crack in soundness we didn't know we didn't know their agenda what would you do? Would you tell the kids? Would you not tell the kids?

24:16Vogue Williams:I don't think I would tell the kids I don't think I would tell the kids but I would just basically I wouldn't leave I would just I'd go on holidays for the rest of my time because it's my favourite thing to do so I would pack up leave go on holidays with all my family and friends and then just kind of wait for it to happen and be somewhere nice and sunny or something like that you know? Yeah that's a good plan Jo? If I'm going out I want it to be in the sun Yeah

24:37Joanne McNally:and it certainly would be if it's via Comet Yeah it'll be hot hot hot hot hot Bear Boy Vogue will be out of business pretty quick they'll be now avoiding that time

24:52Joanne McNally:yeah

24:54Vogue Williams:what would you do Joe well I always would have said I'd probably just pop down a pub but because I've got children now that does have to change slightly so I'd just look for one of the pubs that has a play area so we just go to the pub with a play around

25:13Joanne McNally:I really I really thought you were going to say something much deeper there I love that

25:18Vogue Williams:no it just means we need it needs to be a pub with us yeah what about the rest of your family you're just forgetting about them oh they live a while away I don't think we're going to have an awful lot of time you can't save everyone when it kicks off we're not going to have a lot of time there's not going to be time to be sitting in traffic okay do you know what I'd say it's not hard to invite them all like for god's sake I've gone on holidays with all mine like just just give them a text I would say

25:41Joanne McNally:Jo I agree if it took them 80 years to get here they're really going to hit the ground running once they arrive do you know what I mean I'd say

25:46Vogue Williams:they're not going to be

25:48Joanne McNally:fannying around it's going to be it's going to be an efficient takeover I would say

25:52Vogue Williams:this is your pre-warning you can go and hang out with your family now it's happening in November don't say I haven't warned you on the day of you're off to the pub without texting your family well not a pub not just a pub a pub with the play area I never knew there was pubs with players, probably because I never go into a pub. I've never seen a pub.

26:12Joanne McNally:Very Ireland in the 80s, I can tell you.

26:15Vogue Williams:We had no play area in Ireland. I was out playing at skips and collecting beer mats. That's what we did. Yeah, look at you, you're Grant.

26:25Vogue Williams:I'm Grant, I just can't, I'm triggered by pubs. That's why I can't go into them anymore. I spent so much time with them as a child. I'm like, God, not there again.

26:33Joanne McNally:In the 80s they didn't care about keeping us entertained they were like go out there and roll on a barrel do you know what I mean it was like yeah throw the ashtray at your cousin like a frisbee no one cared it wasn't like they were building like monkey trees and all that shit I think it's actually a really progressive sign that they're putting children play areas in pubs I think it's great for the community in general I do

26:52Vogue Williams:well to be honest with you I'm sitting here playing Uno non-stop with my kids I have to they have to be permanently entertained by me and taking places and it's just shit show that never never happened with me ever I don't think I don't even know if I had any cards when I was younger yeah nothing no toys nothing

27:09Joanne McNally:you only have to play Uno till November Vogue and then it's Gates so lap it up while you can I've got to be honest

27:16Vogue Williams:I'm pretty good at Uno and I've stopped letting them win as well I'm like nah we're either playing or we're playing

27:28Vogue Williams:If you're considering a private student loan Earnest is a smart place to start. We offer low rates, zero fees, and flexible repayment options while covering up to 100 % of college costs. Maybe that's why U.S. News named this best private student loan lender four years in a row. Pay for school with confidence. Check your eligibility at earnest.com slash go. Loans made by Finwise Bank, member FDIC, and are subject to credit approval. Terms apply. We're going to see Joanne with a fucking balaclava on waiting to do bloody blue necks

28:05Joanne McNally:She's mad about her I'd notice those platform converse anywhere I know that shiny metallic man Do you want to know what I would do if the aliens were coming?

28:16Vogue Williams:Yes we would

28:17Joanne McNally:I would shame her

28:18Vogue Williams:Oh wait can we guess?

28:22Joanne McNally:I'd love you to I'd love you to

28:25Vogue Williams:I'd love you to guess

28:26Joanne McNally:and thank you for finally being involved in the podcast.

28:31Vogue Williams:Okay, I'll do my real guess first. Well, to be honest with you, Joanna, what I actually think that you're going to do is probably sit in your cab on your own.

28:39Joanne McNally:Yeah.

28:39Vogue Williams:You're going to have TikTok.

28:41Joanne McNally:Yeah.

28:41Vogue Williams:And ring in your mom. But you might go home to your mom's house. There's potential to go home to your mom's house.

28:46Joanne McNally:I'd reckon I'd splash out of the Rhine-R-Fly and go home to my mother. So I can watch TikTok there. Yeah, yeah. With her on her Finsta. if I knew that the time was coming to an end I'd say my mother would have to eventually she'd have to finally admit what her Finsta account was I'd say she'd finally give you the details and I'd want to go home for that face to face yeah anything else?

29:08Vogue Williams:What do you think Jo? I think she's definitely in the bath whether you're at your mother's or not you've run a bath I wouldn't see her as a big bather glass of wine you're not a big bath girl are you?

29:17Joanne McNally:Oh I love a bath when I have access to one yeah I'll dip a toe yeah I find it very soothing

29:23Vogue Williams:you have a bath in a hotel that's another thing that I just can't bear in hotels I just can't I don't think they clean the bath properly and I was so sore after gladiators I was like oh god I'm going to have to get into that bath and all I could think about was whose arse had sat in it last really it puts me off I can't stand it

29:41Joanne McNally:I never think about that

29:44Vogue Williams:honestly I was crippled after gladiators I have no choice but to get in there I tried to wash it with a cherry gel but I was like ugh

29:53Joanne McNally:How's the body now? How do you feel?

29:57Vogue Williams:I feel great now I'm alright a few cuts and bruises Joanne what would you actually do with the aliens?

30:03Joanne McNally:I was saying I would I would shave Okay Just in case that there is some sort of opportunity to seduce for survival Yeah And I would duck Duck Yeah Because I reckon they're going to land heavy Yeah Do you know what I mean? I don't think it's going to be a gentle I think it's going to be it's going to be hardcore.

30:24Vogue Williams:Do you know what I do hope? I hope they I do hope they land like in fairness I want them to land and at least we get a glimpse of them if they pull a dinosaur on us we just won't even know what had happened it would be like it would just it would explode so there'd be no crack to it you know what I mean?

30:37Joanne McNally:Well the dinosaurs were and me and and Theodore would know about this because he is a big dinosaur person Yeah that the dinosaurs it was it wasn't just one hit it was a combination of catastrophic events. It was like there was a big comet and then that caused loads of like tsunamis and sulfurs and everything. They weren't just like knocked out in one go. Just for clarity. Blocked out the sun and stuff. Yeah, exactly. There was like an ongoing issue. Yeah. But yeah, I mean I think the more the merrier. That's what I think. Do you want to think she's getting a date out of this?

31:11Vogue Williams:That's what's going on here. She's absolutely desperate.

31:15Joanne McNally:Guys, I can't talk. I'm off to the weather spools with a marshal. Good luck. See you next week. He's got 19 dicks.

31:25Joanne McNally:Bring in the girls.

31:31Joanne McNally:An octopenis. It's down the road. I've just matched them on hinge. Good luck. I'm doing my Kegels. I don't know how this one's going to go. Imagine. Imagine me giving birth to a sea lion or something. Be great, Crack. At least you know what they feel like now. Exactly. It won't be such a fright. Yeah, it'd be like skin to skin. I'd be like, no, I know exactly how this is going to go. because folks told me exactly how this is going to go.

31:53Vogue Williams:Did you see Calvin Harris put up a picture of his wife Vic's placenta? And she had the baby. They had the baby, but there was like gorgeous. And she actually, to be fair, it was in this gorgeous setting in Ibiza and she had a water birth. But he just said like you're looking through and it's like, oh, oh. And it's like, oh, just a massive placenta. Go and look at it.

32:18Joanne McNally:Yeah.

32:18Vogue Williams:she ate it

32:20Joanne McNally:yeah that's what people do now yeah

32:23Vogue Williams:the martians

32:24Joanne McNally:will respect that

32:26Vogue Williams:I honestly I just it's very martian

32:28Joanne McNally:coded I would say

32:29Vogue Williams:it reminds me of liver and I don't like liver so I just can't imagine I would like and I'd know that that's in my body then do you know that way I'm surprised you're

32:39Joanne McNally:not a placenta gobbler yourself because you're big into protein I know I'm just

32:43Vogue Williams:not mad for placenta to be honest with you it's just real bitter taste a bitter taste

32:47Joanne McNally:It's an acquired taste, I'd say.

32:49Vogue Williams:Very irony.

32:51Joanne McNally:I throw a bit of Tabasco on it. Treat it like an oyster. It might be all right.

32:58Vogue Williams:Do you know what I've been? Obviously, I'm down on my mom's face. And so she keeps my mom, did I tell you this? Her cereal shopping habits. And she's just getting boxes of clothes sent here, right? Then I have to open the box of clothes. Then I have to model the clothes for her on FaceTime. so she decides if I then have to repackage them and send them back for her no free ride over here she said she's staying in my gaff

33:25Joanne McNally:yeah it's yeah no no that wouldn't be for me now I remember I tried to sell some bits and bobs years ago I tried to sell some bits and bobs on what's the place that you sell bits and bobs? no they weren't posh bits and bobs they were like normal bits and bobs deep

33:42Vogue Williams:you did deep

33:43Joanne McNally:I did depop

33:45Vogue Williams:did you get banned

33:46Joanne McNally:from not sending anything for about three days I did depop yeah and I was like fuck all this noise like one trip to the post office is enough for any human with like I'm now like I'm now identifying with who suffers with their nerves I was like not a hope and then you come home and you've made all of three shillings and your whole day has been spent packing up this rah rah dress and sending it off to Mallow I was like no never again not doing it so I understand your pain you get

34:17Vogue Williams:the most insane ideas that you think you're going to sell something

34:26Joanne McNally:I had no money I was skint and I was like I need to and I had extra bits of clothes and I was like right well the best thing everyone's you know sustainably selling but like Vogue I can understand any sort of repacking or unpacking now

34:40Vogue Williams:you should I'm going to send you the messages you send me about packing it back up and where the sellotape has to go. I'm like, Sandra, I know where, and you know what she did then? Back in your box, pun intended. She literally, she's like, I just leave it up there with security. And I was like, there's no sticker on this. Like, you know the way you have to print off the sticker and put it on. I was like, I'll say nothing. She told me she'd just leave it up there. I went up the other day to get one of my packages and I was like, oh shit, the box is still there. I was like, mom, did you not do something right?

35:10Vogue Williams:You know, you actually have to print something off and put it on the box. I said oh well I didn't know that I had to do that so now I have to get all the packages and put the sticker on the box so then it can get sent off and that outfit was rotten there's no that won't even sell off on vintage if she gets it back if it's not in the in the right time frame for a refund rotten

35:30Joanne McNally:now I hate to break it to you but I have my three presents

35:33Vogue Williams:oh I thought you were going to go back to Bonnie Blue this is great okay Fab I'm really looking forward I'm really looking forward to this Unless it's Bonnie Blue Don't put her in She's not in Okay Go on Oh I'm excited

35:47Joanne McNally:These are my nominations For the Irish presidency Okay One

35:51Vogue Williams:Kneecap Oh yeah That's a good one Nothing

35:56Joanne McNally:No one and nothing Has brought this country together More than kneecap Since Pint Baby That is my professional opinion Joe As an outsider Do you remember Pint Baby? The baby that drank the pint I do remember Pint Baby

36:08Vogue Williams:I'm well versed with Pint Baby

36:10Joanne McNally:the only thing

36:10Vogue Williams:what a choice

36:11Joanne McNally:I wasn't expecting that great choice the only thing all three all three all three and we'll stack them on top of each other in a raincoat so you can't you're not allowed to have three and they're a little young because you have to be 35 but I always think stack them on top and they look like one of those puppets from Machnas and I think they'd be a great addition and they're bringing back they're refreshing the Irish language I think it's I think tick tick tick tick tick okay number two the man who slipped on the ice?

36:40Vogue Williams:I was going to say him but then I just didn't I didn't because I was going to say him and I was going to say the treacherous the treacherous roads lady

36:49Joanne McNally:Folk you you didn't so

36:52Vogue Williams:you're out you're out I didn't

36:55Joanne McNally:because you know he's a real candidate and now you're embarrassed you didn't consider him seriously Joanne

37:01Vogue Williams:he absolutely doesn't deserve it and that's why I said no and also you can't go from kneecap five hundred euros to the Iceman whatever and Suchy Man is better than Iceman he's brought more to this country you nominated your stepfather

37:15Joanne McNally:I think I have free reign here

37:16Vogue Williams:I listened back to the pod and you were going on about how much you were thrilled that it was Neil so don't you dare turn on him now you turn coat

37:23Joanne McNally:I think what I mean is there are no rules here the man who slipped on the ice in 2010 now the reason I am nominating him is because he is the biggest mystery for anyone who doesn't know So it's very much, it does what it says in the tin. A man slipped on the ice in the back of a news report in 2010 during the big freeze in Ireland. And he really went for it. And the fall was quite comical and exaggerated. Walloped his head. It was quite something. And it was live on the telly. And of course, Ireland latched onto it. It was like we'd won the Eurovision. We were thrilled by it. And then there was a manhunt to find out who he was.

37:59Joanne McNally:And he never came forward. He rejected his viral moment. I think it's important to note that the Irish presidential role, it's less boss it's more just vibes ceremonial it's more like Michelle Obama vibes do you know what I mean it's like hospitality it's a lot of highing and buying a lot of meeting and greeting yeah okay they don't set the law they just set the tone the vibe it's a party planner ultimately so the man who slipped on the ice did you know there was a plaque installed in 2020 on the 10 year anniversary of the man who slipped on the ice at the four courts to commemorate this event shut up yeah yeah yeah yeah and this person has still not come forward so the reason I would nominate the man the guy who's stripped of the eyes is because

38:44Vogue Williams:I know yeah he's like Michael Collins he'd be the most famous man in Ireland that's why he doesn't want to come forward he doesn't want his life to be ruined he won't be able to do his shopping anymore exactly he's like the Banksy of Ireland

38:55Joanne McNally:he's just like no I don't want the fame I don't want the recognition I don't want the notoriety I don't think I'd want that level of fame

39:02Vogue Williams:it's too much

39:12Vogue Williams:Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word.

39:19Joanne McNally:My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. It was a lovely SUV, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight we feast An offer you can feast on Sell your car today on Carvana Pick up fees, mail, bye

39:43Vogue Williams:Don't forget that we are on full video now You can watch us on YouTube We have made an utter disgrace of ourselves today Because we just couldn't Couldn't get things working

39:53Joanne McNally:It's been, I would say, the traditional I would say the official term is shit show

39:56Vogue Williams:Anyway, enjoy the video

39:58Joanne McNally:Enjoy the video I have two more which one of them was I did think that maybe if we could AI Sinead O 'Connor I thought she'd be a great candidate. Oh yeah. She'd be good. Oh yeah. She'd be very good for a nostalgic everyone loves her obviously posthumously posthumously as I say because everyone always loves everyone posthumously but she laid out her position on most issues while she was alive and I think if it's just a ceremonial thing she'd be a great representation I mean she'd probably hate the job actually the more I think about it but she'd keep the priest out. but

40:37Vogue Williams:for that reason alone I'll probably vote for her good she's a good one

40:40Joanne McNally:yeah she was ahead of her time really and but like I say the more I think about it actually that I think she'd actually hate the role because I think she'd hate that kind of formality

40:47Vogue Williams:I don't know if she would because she's very patriotic and I think that she'd be great going around going around to the White House and stuff like that like really putting everyone straight

40:55Joanne McNally:she wouldn't go can you imagine she wouldn't she'd be setting fire to Trump's cars but that was just something I thought in my mind with AI what could we do with it but then my fourth and final suggestion is a little wayward okay so if you remove the need for Irish citizenship just to like a little kind of outside the box I would nominate Lindsay Lohan

41:17Vogue Williams:oh now

41:19Joanne McNally:hmm reasons being I don't folk I haven't put my argument forward I know

41:24Vogue Williams:but I just feel like you kind of clawed it back with Sinead O 'Connor there and you've after letting yourself down again

41:29Joanne McNally:well we all know the lad who slipped on the ice is getting it if all four of these people are nominated. These are just a token nomination at this point.

41:37Vogue Williams:Everyone would prefer the Suchi man. He was a better option.

41:39Joanne McNally:Well I actually contacted Point Baby and asked if he'd like to be involved he said no. Why Lindsay Lohan? Lindsay Lohan. I find her resurgence and rebranding I've written it down here inspiring and comforting are the two things I've written down here. She used to go out with the DJ folks so she'd be big into you and it means she knows how to throw a party and we'd finally get invited to the president's garden party.

42:03Vogue Williams:Do you remember when she was dancing in Ibiza? That was one of my all-time favourite videos that I've ever seen of anyone. She was dancing up on stage. She couldn't have been having a better time.

42:13Joanne McNally:The woman can move. Yeah. And no better person to meet and greet people coming in and out of Ireland. Also, can we just remember her Irish film, which was obviously Twi and Scarlet, but also one of the most watched films on Netflix in March 2024, was a huge success yet she never did us the disservice of doing an Irish accent it was not her part it was not her role she doesn't patronise she doesn't condescend

42:39Vogue Williams:okay well I do you know what the only thing I would say about Lindsay Lohan I was quite upset you know that I don't like when people pretend things that aren't true when she said that she doesn't she hasn't done anything to her face because her face she has had such an amazing glow up and she looks brilliant but it would be nice for us to I know that you said she's inspiring but like she's pretending that that was just from eating nice food and stuff.

43:02Joanne McNally:Yeah, but at the end of the day she will be a politician so she needs to know how to fudge the truth. I would also say as a red-headed woman and not to say obviously we know Ireland is a very diverse country but the redheads I would say are underrepresented in Ireland always have been always will be because of the genetic makeup of it and why not get them some airtime? Why not platform a redhead? and also remember she was called Firecrotch by that people they were kind of picking on her and I actually think Firecrotch is a great drag name and I feel if Lindsay Lohan was present for it she'd be very much involved in the queer culture Who called her Firecrotch?

43:41Joanne McNally:I think Paris Hilton was like bullying her and called her a Firecrotch suggesting that she had red hair down there vibes and then it was used against her I actually think she should take that and make it and empower herself with it and I could see her doing drag bingo and drag brunches in Dublin she'd be down the George I think she's a great candidate Plus I think she'd Do you know what I think she'd fucking take the job And there you go There are my four candidates

44:07Vogue Williams:I do I loved Remember when she was away on holidays And she was like Basically trying to take this child Thinking the child was lost or something Exactly But it was so much scary She cares And then she had She had She cares She picked up that accent From being somewhere Like for five minutes Exactly I'm sorry I'm sorry A musical ear

44:25Joanne McNally:A musical ear and she's going to need it in Ireland she's going to need it she's going to need that musical ear ultimately I think it has to be the guy that slips on the ice he cannot die without him knowing who he is like Jack the Ripper shit we need to know who he is

44:40Vogue Williams:I think it has to be Michael Flatley to be fair where this whole conversation had started I do think that Michael Flatley would be the best choice imagine him dancing around like in America and stuff showing them how brilliant we are

44:51Joanne McNally:well let's see who arrives on that ship in November we might have a fresh candidate you wouldn't know Yeah

44:56Vogue Williams:Well we'll see

44:58Joanne McNally:Martin the Martian Could be throwing his hat in the ring Let's just see

45:03Vogue Williams:I was looking up this thing On TikTok And there was a woman Sitting there And she had about Nine snails Full snails All over her face These big Massive snails People are now getting Soisty snail facials

45:16Joanne McNally:I think the Korean women Are punking the rest of us I really do Because I think they're like These European losers Will do anything We tell them to do At this point We will and I yeah I think this is Ashton Kutcher vibes I really really do between the snails and the sperm and all that jazz like we'll be wanking Labradors off next and they'll be just laughing at us in their factories they're like they're so thick they will do anything

45:43Joanne McNally:that's it from us thank you so much for listening always remember to like and subscribe if that's your thing and if not maybe think about why it's not you know support other women I've been Joanne she's been Vogue that's been The Producer

46:23Vogue Williams:Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word.

46:31Joanne McNally:My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. It was a lovely SUV, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight, we feast. An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up these mail. Bye.

From the publisher

If you aren't Irish, you may not be familiar with the man who slipped on the ice. Give it a quick look. Plus, can Vogue get through a hangover whilst Joanne obsesses over Bonnie Blue and is the world ending in November?

If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to hello@MTGMpod.com

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This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.

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