Captain Joanne, Jordyn Woods & Squirrels

0:02This is a Global Player original podcast.

0:15Hello and welcome to My Therapist Goes With Me. With me, Vogue Williams and Joanne McNally. And Jo.

0:27Can I say something quickly, Bryce? Is it about my hair? No. We've taken our medication, listeners. We don't know what happened on the last pod. But when Joanne and I don't concentrate, we have real problems with finishing off topics. And Joanne usually course corrects me, but I don't ever course correct her because that's how I converse in my everyday life. But we are going to finish topics today.

1:00Joanne McNally:Oh, I'm so glad you said it. Because I forgot to say it, but I meant to say it. Well, it was very difficult for us to stop talking. And obviously, Joanne is quite good at stopping me going off course. I'm not good at stopping her going off course. Yeah, you were on one. Excuse me, Joanne. You were definitely worse than me. I read some of the comments. Oh, shit. People commented on the state of the podcast. Well, no. No. Well, there was like, we always have a bit of misinformation, but it turns out there was an awful lot of misinformation. So it's a fake news. Full fake news. But I'm going to just do a correction corner for everybody.

1:35OK, so one person commented, ladies, your whirlwind of misinformation makes me howl. The Bush, the Justin Bieber and Usher fighting picture was high. Oh, no. Oh, no. we'll let TMZ figure that out for us. TMZ will tell us what was happening. So that was AI and Joanne, who was so sure of this. And there were no Hemsworths in The Housemaid. Now, I watched The Housemaid on your recommendation. Very much enjoyed. And yes, really liked Sydney Sweeney. And I didn't like her in the last thing I saw. And she's back in the room for me. She's back in the room. I think it's no it's not Glenn Powell who's in The Housemaid Glenn Powell's the one

2:22Joanne McNally:with the teeny tiny mouth and no lips Brandon Sklenar excuse the pronunciation that's a lot isn't it Brandon Sklenar Bren Bren or whatever and he was also in It Ends With Us and The Housemaid Joanne very much enjoyed I also watched The Conjuring the new one on the plane and I always wondered why you watch scary movies on the plane Joanne I get it now because everyone's arranged you so you're not scared and the ghosts can't catch you. Okay. I'll have to fact check you there Vogue. I don't watch scary movies on planes. I watch Air Crash Investigation. Joanne, I've sat beside you on planes and you're watching the most frightening things I've ever seen in my life and then she falls asleep to them like it's a lullaby.

3:06Joanne McNally:Yes, I like to listen to drama. But when I have Air Crash Investigation I listen to Air Crash Investigation on airplanes on long hauls because then I feel it's too ironic to have a plane crash. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. More comments. Cormac said, last week's ep was a masterclass in the inability to finish one topic. Do you know what, folks? Do you know what, folks? Before you continue with this, annihilation of our podcast. The next one is my favourite, and I am not going anywhere until I say it to you. Go on, go on. I did as a big fan, I did try and say this to you. Eva said, Joanne, it's Wu-Tang Clan fan not clang obviously i know that eva i am a huge fan but because i am a huge fan of theirs they said i can do what i want yeah oh do you know what you know what do you know what folk i don't okay look obviously we struggle with finishing things i joe is that not your job what is your job joe is it not your job to correct to pause us and take little notes with a little golf pencil.

4:12Joanne McNally:Yeah, and say, girls, don't call us girls, it's quite condescending. I don't. Ladies. Not ladies, that's a bit old. I prefer girlies, girlie-wurlies. If Joe called us girlie-wurlies. Joe, I want you to call me a girlie-wurlie. Joe, I want you to call me a girlie-wurlie. No, because I'd be sick. Sorry, I'm not doing role play. I'm right here. That is my job, but not when I'm on holiday, which I was. Oh, fair. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Oh yeah, he was. I forgot you weren't on that record. Fine, Joe. Fine, fine, fine. Have your little holiday. I actually really enjoyed watching you try and place blame on other people.

4:51Last one was from Louise. And she said, conspiracy theorists think that Disney only made the movie Frozen so that if people Googled Disney Frozen, the film would come up and not articles about Walt Disney being frozen after death.

5:07Joanne McNally:We don't deal in facts. we deal in suggested memes I think that we should ban AI because honestly I can't fucking bear it anymore I'm being taken for a ride left right and centre and I don't want to do it I haven't been taken for a ride okay speaking of conspiracy theories I keep getting sent to this conspiracy theory that Marilyn Manson they were like because obviously because I did the conspiracy theory about Avril Lavigne being replaced and the Furbies being banned from the White House because everyone thought that they were earpiece for the Chinese. So people send me conspiracy theories and they're like, are you going to sort this one out?

5:43Joanne McNally:And the one that they're sending me is the most famous Marilyn Manser rumour from the 1990s is that, do you remember there was a rumour that he had his ribs removed to perform self - So he could give himself a blow, yeah. Well, self-fallatio is what we're calling it. Oh, sorry. The more high-end version of sucking yourself off. The widespread urban legend along with others such as killing animals on stage or being Paul Pfeiffer from the Wonder Years. What? who? oh my god I totally forgot do you remember the wonder years? no I don't think I told you I only watched Beauty and the Beast and Balbar Jo are you too young for the wonder years?

6:19Joanne McNally:yes oh Jo you'd love it you'd absolutely love it actually I don't know if you would I did but I was 7 or something google it there 8.3 out of 10 on IMDB yeah it's lovely it's an American TV show it's set in the 60s and it's just really kind of wholesome fun, I can't remember, anyway the main actor Paul Pfeiffer Marilyn Manson was accused of being Paul Pfeiffer, anyway why am I telling you this? Conspiracy theories is why we were talking about it I think that Marilyn Manson is in quite hot water I think, isn't he being done for stuff Oh for fuck's sake That wasn't totally left field about Marilyn Manson I don't think some people are like what the fuck like Bill Gates I still can't believe that he was on the plane but there you go but Marilyn Manson I'm kind of like hmm Was Marilyn on the island Jo?

7:14No Marilyn wasn't on the island but there's something go on Jo tell us what it is

7:17Joanne McNally:Check the allegations Jesus Christ Jo would you mind sending us through a list of men that don't have allegations against them and we can just work off that Yeah it would be a lot easier Send me the 10 safe names we can actually talk about on the podcast Numerous allegations of sexual, physical and psychological abuse from several women. Okay, well... A criminal investigation concluded in 2025 with no charges filed due to lack of evidence and expired statutes of limitations. And it always... Well, okay. Well, I was going... We wouldn't be a fan of his. I was going to announce a new podcast where I get to the bottom of the rumour about Marilyn Manson removing his rib to suck himself off and I will now backtrack.

7:53Could you do Richard Gere instead by any chance? That would be... I think Richard would really appreciate that and to have that rumour taken back would be quite nice for him.

8:02Joanne McNally:the hamster up the arse. Yeah. Do you know what, Richard? I will consider rebooting your career. Leave it with me. I mean, when I think of the rumours that go around about me, I just feel it's like that saying, if you put your problems out in the line, you'd take your own back instead of someone else's. It's the same with rumours. I would, okay, it might not be out in the line, Joe, but there's some kind of... I know, I think... It's not a saying I've ever heard before. Do you mind if I... You know what I'm saying? Yeah, go on. If you take your own problems to the table. No, yeah. Same thing. I just said you put them on the washing line because I do a lot of washing.

8:36Joanne McNally:If you take your own problems out of the washing basket and put them on the line, you'll take someone else's home. No, you won't take someone else's home. The whole saying is you won't take someone else's home. You'll want to take your own home again because other people's are so bad. It's the same with rumours. If you put your problems in the washing basket and you bring it to the line, you hang them up and you see other people's problems, you'll take your own problems back in the washing basket. Exactly. That's it. It's snappy, isn't it? The washing basket will be full of the problems Take her own back Such a snappy little saying One in the hand is worth two in the bush But I don't like that one But that's what I'm saying about rumours I much prefer to have my own rumours Which kind of piss me off in a way But I'd rather people not think That I shoved a hamster up my arse There's no coming back from that But there's Vogue, the girl who shoves a hamster up their arse Yeah, I don't know I have an American tour to sell Denver, Salt Lake City, Chicago, Boston Joanne did shove San Francisco I would I would I would actually put one up if I thought I'd sell more than three tickets in Salt Lake City Joanne I haven't seen those pigeons because she's put them inside herself anything to sell a ticket if you spend any time with Joanne you'll just hear I'd decapitate myself online if I thought I was going to shift anything in Las Vegas Las Vegas please check the website so those pigeons do you remember I came home I was away for for work and so I'd obviously like taken to the windowsill but you remember that they were shagging on the windowsill.

10:04Joanne McNally:Jo, do you remember this? Yeah, I do. And I was like, what is that? We've got great enjoyment out of hearing about the pigeons. It used to be a weekly occurrence. And he would, the lad would clap himself after. Yeah, it was so funny. But once I was back in the house, they obviously didn't like the company and insides, they liked it. Sorry, is anyone going to ask me about my hair now? Joanne, your hair is very long and very beautiful. I'm pulling it and twirling it and no one's saying a single thing about it. It's gorgeous. It just, I feel like your hair grows. It's kind of, it's nearly the same length you used to have your hair, but your hair used to be to your arse.

10:40So you're actually really used to having hair like that.

10:42Joanne McNally:Me and Jo were on before you zoomed in, Vogue, as always. And Jo said... I zoomed in at 10.31, by the way. We started at 10.30 and then I sat here and waited for Joanne to set up for 10 minutes. That's usually why I pop in slightly late. Well, I was on at 10.55. anyway Joe was like oh my god your hair it's he didn't really say actually I was going to say he said it's lovely he didn't he just went your hair I said look at your hair yeah he said look at your hair yeah I was going to I was going to insert a compliment there that he didn't actually give me he just went look at your hair he's stunning goddess is that what he said he said look at your hair and I went oh it's fake and he goes I know Joanne it's like I know I was away for a week yeah I was like boys are stupid I don't know but I was filming this new panel show called Unacceptable and I'm the team team captain fantastic are you proud of me?

11:35of course I'm proud of you but that's where you belong I've never it's just late coming

11:40Joanne McNally:it's your dead right I should have been doing this six years ago I've never captained anything in my life not even a sports day I've done about two panel shows in my entire career to say I'm unqualified for the job anyway it was very it was very intense it was very full on we recorded six episodes in four days one two three four yeah six episodes in four days Garo came over he was writing with me on it and I locked in like I locked in as the kids would say like I locked in we were up really early we were working really late I had him on the Ritalin blah blah blah and then we finished we had the last two episodes yesterday and then I locked out I locked out it's important to do that I unplugged from the Matrix and locked out that's why I'm wearing the sunglasses if anyone's wondering why I'm blind again anyway Liv Davy who was doing my hair makeup she was like do you want to put the stannos in that Hadley got you and I was like I do.

12:29Joanne McNally:Now they look a bit shit now I think they still look good. Do you think? Yeah I got them look I got them stuck into my head and I went quite long but mine are in forever you need to get them in forever.

12:43Hey I'm Vogue Williams and I'm Amber Wilson and you know what without sounding big head I think you'd love our podcast Vogue and Amber where we chat through all the top stories of the week. We play a few games, sort out your listener dilemmas. And we laugh. We laugh a lot. Mainly at each other. Open our free Global Player app and search Vogue and Amber to start listening today.

13:13Hello everybody and welcome. Oh, I told you I was swanking her mic off.

13:19Joanne McNally:Jesus Christ. Are we singing? What was that? I didn't like it.

13:28Joanne McNally:Very unqualified for the job and I felt a little bit out of my depth when we started recording the episodes and one of the episodes I started crying like sitting at my desk. You're really hard on yourself though. You're really hard on yourself all the time. You always do that. You're always too hard on yourself. You just need to have a bit of self-confidence and have a bit of fun with it and I think that you would have been brilliant. I don't have that. As in, because I've never done it. I was like, this is a completely different muscle. I don't know what I'm doing. Now, in fairness, some of the episodes, I was like, oh, I feel like I'm kind of hitting my flow.

14:01Joanne McNally:But there was one episode I actually walked off. When we wrapped the episode, I went up to the director, producer person. I'm not sure what the title is. I went to Toby and I said, here, can we bend that one? Can we can it? And he's like, no, no, that's not how it works. We filmed an entire episode for three hours and it will be used. I was like, well, I don't know what you're going to do with me. You're going to have to put some words in my mouth in post because I've literally You don't have to be talking all the time as the team captain. That's the team captain's job. You want other people to talk as well.

14:31Joanne McNally:You're dead right, but you shouldn't be crying. There's nothing with emotions. There's nothing you can say to me that I... Yeah. I've seen Jimmy Carr crying. I've seen him crying loads of times. Loads of times. He's always crying. He's no emotions. He's dead inside. Jimmy can't cry. I wouldn't say he's any eye ducts. I don't imagine, I can't imagine what would make him cry though. You know when someone Like when was the last time I cried Okay I cried a couple of weeks ago I had to think about it there I was like that was fair enough And whenever I cry I like to take myself I was telling this to Amber I like to take myself to a mirror And have a little look At how sad I am And then I'm ready Bit of porn Yeah then I'm ready to suck it back in And be like okay now I've seen it It's bad but now we're ready to go back But Jimmy Carr What the hell would make him cry I don't know I assume like some sort of tax issue I don't know I don't know Poor Jimmy Carr will never shake the tax tag will he?

15:28Joanne McNally:Jimmy if you're listening I'd love to have you on my new panel show Unacceptable Send us your accountant's details as well We can cry together It's fucking hard You actually Well it is hard to sit there for three hours doing TV but yeah I find TV is a lot of hurry up and wait Also I will say so it's obviously filmed in front of a live audience, right? And the live audience are, they're not my audience and I'm on tour at the moment. So I'm kind of used to like having people in the room who know me, maybe even like me. Yeah. And there's goodwill there. So like they're on board and they kind of know what you're about and everything.

16:09Joanne McNally:This room, they know Richard, they know Ed, they did not have a clue who I was, naturally, of course. And so they're not, some of the audiences were completely on board. but when an audience isn't on board with you wow I was just oh my god you just sit there and like basically die for two and a half hours while smiling because the team are saying look we'll just candle after him in the edit so just look like you're having a good time and I was like well I'm crying now so can you cut out the crying please yeah can you AI the eyes dry please because I'm full blown crying yeah it was full dramas but they were so nice.

16:51Joanne McNally:It's Ramesh Ranganathan's production company actually. It's Ranga B. He was on as a guest. I think he is. I love him. I actually really like his new part. He's brilliant. Hopefully the crying works for a bit of publicity so please do tune in to Unacceptable on TLC. Dates to be TBC. TBC. Dates to be TBC on TLC.

17:14I am in some parts just in case you didn't know.

17:17Joanne McNally:With the posh pearled crabs. The crabs are probably very expensive here, honestly. Tell us about St. Bart's. St. Bart's is, oh well, come here to me. So loads of the girl, loads of the girly wordies. Forward beyond. The women, the ground women. Forward beyond someone's Insta story. So basically I was on the beach. I was telling this to Amber as well, but I was on the beach and got chatting to this woman and they were staying in this villa. It's the nicest one in the Eden Rock. it's massive it's like this huge party villa it's it's actually going to be on the vlog this week it is the most insane I did a tour how's the vlog going?

17:57the vlog is going really well everyone's so nice in the comments on YouTube oh my god it's so different it is kind of

18:04Joanne McNally:it is kind of nice feel good content I will say sorry Jo I'm just stroking my hair that's what we do carry on mate but I but I went in so basically there was a gap because it's always it's always sold out everyone someone's always in it and I went in during like when they're kind of doing the room changeover because I wanted to record it for my vlog because it is the most insane villa. It's on the beach in Eden Rock and it's got this massive pool and then you've got all the beachfront in front of it and there are all your chairs and like it's got six bedrooms. It's a huge party villa. So, but who'd be going?

18:36Joanne McNally:Like, I mean, that to me sounds like kind of Macron would be going. Like who could afford, like who's going there? Well, I'll tell you who was there. If me and Joe wanted to Airbnb it now, what would be looking at cost? well you wouldn't be able to book it it's probably booked out for the next two or three years are you serious yeah and the cost is wild i'm like spenny get it for your 40th spenny spenny ask your parents but everyone's always like why aren't you staying in the hotel i'm like well the hotel's a business and um and everything is sold out so like if they want to if we want to go in the hotel then they have to get clients out and they're not willing to do that because it's a business like that's just how it works we're staying in spenny's godfather's villa which is the most incredible place in the world so listen we're delighted but anyway so i'm outside i'm outside villa rockstar and we uh we were on the deck chairs outside it which actually belonged to villa rockstar but we thought that they were changing over turns out they weren't so the girls who were in villa rockstar there was three three women and two younger girls and they both they all looks amazing anyway they came out and they sat down we were really apologetic and they were really saying they were like doesn't matter don't worry about it even though our kids were eating all over their fecking seats.

19:45So we stopped in and I was chatting away to the mom for ages and she was talking about how she manages her daughters who were there and we were talking to them and she was really, really nice, really interesting. They were talking about where they were going next and yada, yada, yada, yada, yeah. Whatever. And then Alexander goes to me, is that Jordan Woods? And I was like, I wouldn't miss that. I'd just been talking to her for like 15 minutes and then I looked back and I was like, holy fuck. It's Jordan Woods Kylie Jenner's best friend Remember?

20:16Joanne McNally:You're one who hooked up with your man Yeah Who's she marrying? An NBA player For fuck's sake Like what am I doing with my life? I know and I've married this trash I can't even get a room in that hotel His parents own it supposedly and look at this I This trash bag I'm saying It's disgusting No I was calling Spenny a trash bag. Jo, why did... I'm manifesting owning this villa. I keep walking around it and I told Alex, Spenny's godfather, I was like, I'm manifesting to own this villa. I don't know how manifesting works, but I've heard if you want something... Say it three times backwards in the mirror and it happens.

20:57Joanne McNally:Why didn't I marry Tiger Woods? Like, Jo, what... He's in a spot of bother again now, Joanne Tiger Woods. I think he's got another fucking DOI, doesn't he? Is that AI or real? Is there another DOI? Jesus Christ. Tiger get a driver you're literally the most minted person in the world get a driver I can't get a husband because no one wants to marry me because I'm problematically independent because I took the feminist soup and I blamed Germaine Greer you haven't taken that much of the feminist soup come on you're just is this because I lasered my bikini line is this sorry about it again well the hair the hair speaks for itself I collapsed under the societal pressure of men fetishising women's bodies Sorry Vogue I'm a product of my generation and my culture Joanne McNally you won't even go on a date that you organise three months in advance and then you cancelled the day before so it's not that you're a feminist it's that you couldn't be fucking arsed How dare you I am I'm in the trenches Vogue I say it as I see it Say it as I see it Or in Amsterdam