Christmas Party, Debris & Ping-Pong

0:01Joanne McNally:Hey, it's your ceiling vent, so I'm dripping. Could be the rain, could be the upstairs bathroom. Yikes. You could hire the guy your neighbor recommended, but I'm pretty sure that's just his cousin. Do we know if he's licensed, or does he just own a ladder? Listen to your home. Go with Thumbtack. Upload a photo or voice note, and we'll diagnose your project and match you with the right pro for the job. Thumbtack. We know homes. Hire the right pro today. This is a Global Player original podcast.

0:45Hello and welcome to the ghosted Christmas party. Cheers, everybody. Cheers, Anne. Featuring Joanne, whose mic is again muted.

0:57Joanne McNally:My mic's very much swinging to the left. It's very Conor McGregor penis coded today Have you noticed that Joe I can't get it back I can't get it pointing straight It keeps slipping off to the left At the moment It's too flaccid It needs to be pointing more up Joanne you asked for a flaccid I'm not I'm not wearing any lines It needs to be further upwards Than the Mull of Kintyre This is the most action I've had Joe I just want you to know If you don't call me after this I'll be very disappointed Okay let's Can we say cheers now? Rudely interrupted my speech. Oh, sorry. I have a whole speech. I just want to say, Vogue's drinking out of a champagne flute.

1:37Joanne McNally:I'm drinking gin out of a broken cup and Jo's drinking a pint of ale. I think we've all made the right brand choices for ourselves. I would like to say, well done everybody. We have made it to the end of the year. This is always the toughest part, it seems, because everyone is completely out of steam. Yet for some reason, this is the part of the year that we've decided to ram absolutely everything in I'd like to say thank you to all the listeners your sound as always we really appreciate you we've really enjoyed recording pods and Joanne and Jo I feel extremely lucky that I get to work with you two every week because last night I was in a bit of a shitter when we were doing the bonus and I got off the phone I texted Joanne I should have texted you Jo sorry saying it now and I said you know what I was in a fowler I felt it in the ether text your working grinder not the monkey go on I said I was in a fowler and so stressed and feeling anxious got on and did the pod and I felt so good after it.

2:33And I would just like to say I appreciate all of you for allowing us to be able to do this and I appreciate you too for allowing me to be able to do it. So cheers and happy Christmas and New Year's and to a great 2026 for all.

2:45Joanne McNally:Hear, hear. She called me a human beta blocker and basically like her little therapy dog. Yeah, I'm going to start bringing her around. I don't pay for her on flights. I don't pay for her. No. Joanne, Louisa just said to me today, I'm doing some content for Ferry and I sent over my content and Louise was like do we need to get Joanne's anxious preoccupied bag a manager? Is it in the ad? Yeah. I just use it for everything. Geroad Ferry told me this I'll double check he doesn't mind me saying it on this podcast I don't know if he wants to use it somewhere else but he wanted to bring his cat boots on a plane as a therapy and he was trying to get it across the line as a therapy animal.

3:28Joanne McNally:And they're like, that's not a therapy animal. And he said what constitutes a therapy animal and the one behind the desk said a little jacket. Oh, interesting. So if you put me in a little jacket, folk, you can bring me on anything you want for free, allegedly. And I have a little jacket. A little jacket? Nothing you have is little. Well, I'm talking about Otto's. They put you in one of Otto's jackets. He's got a fantastic sheilet that would look great with your eyes. Cut it open and strap it onto my back. A little jacket. That's all you need to bring an animal on an airplane. Tiny little jackets.

3:57Joanne McNally:This is my therapy comedian. Yeah, this is my therapy family. Yeah, but I can't get Bertie back to Ireland. That's a great way of getting back to Ireland. Just for the listeners who can't, they can't see, but if we're going on the YouTube, I have, as I do every Christmas, bang on, no more than Michael Bublé and Mariah Carey are going to land into your speaker. I have my under-eye dermatitis. Actually, all over the eye dermatitis this time. I don't know what it is. Is it in the air? Is it the snow? Is it... It's probably the biggest, let's face it. Yes, I was going to say, are we going to go there it's the air yeah I guess at Christmas and it's nice to know it's the change in temperature even my body has limits it's actually reassuring to be honest so yeah I've had some sort of reaction again your body goes your body trucks along all year long never complains it's only at Christmas it says it's time to give this bitch some dry eye that's actually so true it never set my body just kind of it cockroaches its way forward and then every last week in December it's like ah here fuck off will you yeah enough don't so I'd like to make a speech okay I'd love to hear it yeah I would just like to say from the bottom of my heart I'll be in the 3 Arena December 12th 2026 tickets are on sale I'm also about extra dates in Bristol Liverpool Manchester and Leeds thank you emotional thank you all that was incredibly sweet happy Christmas yeah so nice to hear God bless everyone so kind I'm glad that I've put in all these hours of work with you you stupid bastard can I edit my speech here's to Vogue who will be at the 3 Arena on December 12 2026 and I'm very excited right after Boston here's me plugging my 3 Arena and Kevin Bridges comes in adds 3 a week after mine himself 2 out in 3 days the 3 Arena 2 of 3 Arenas gone in 2 days oh my god I have to go and see Kevin Kevin like we're friends I would like to go and see him in the Apollo so that is down to you to organise and I would like to go Is he doing the Apollo?

5:59Joanne McNally:I wouldn't have thought he was doing the Apollo Is he? He's doing the Apollo I'd like to go and see him I don't want to meet him it's too embarrassing because I'm a big fan but I would like to go Sure I can organise I'll wait outside while you go backstage Yeah I'll be like I'll take this one, Vogue I don't His wife and his family here Get your shit together There's certain I just I don't like I'm not like Spencer or I don't like famous people and not because I don't personally like them. I just tend to get shy and I'm not a shy person but around certain people I get shy and I don't, I think it would happen with Kevin Bridges and I'd be like, ho ho ho ho, like no, you can't.

6:34Joanne McNally:You've guffawed. I've seen her guffawed before, Jo, it's not a good look. The less guffawing out of her, the better. Oh God, oh God, she's guffawing. Get her out! She's like a giraffe, I can see her coming up her throat and I'm like, oh no, she's masticating, she's going to guffaw. Christ, Christ, we've got to go. Abort, abort. I'm filling up. I didn't mean to do this. Anyway, I'm going to a Christmas party after this. Not yours. I'm going to a Christmas party with Hello Sunshine. I'm only going for an hour because then I have to record a pod with Amber. But still, this is the only Christmas party that I'm going to.

7:08I'm very excited about it. But now I've gotten another one in on the same day. This is very handy.

7:12Joanne McNally:Well, I have reached my fill. I did that thing where I blew my load too soon, etc. It's the same story, every year's the same story. And I've now spent the morning cancelling all remaining Christmas plans. Well, what were the Christmas plans that you've cancelled? You won't cancel them, you'll do them again. I can read you like a book, Joanne McNally. I know what you're going to do. You're cancelling them until, what day is it? Until Friday. There's a pressure of like, oh my God, if I don't see you at Christmas, it's not a real friendship. We must meet for a drink. No, no. We must. We simply must.

7:43Joanne McNally:I meet her at 9am, I meet her at 12pm, I meet him at 3.15, I meet her at 6am. There's just no sense to it. So I've just, I've parked it all. I'm just going to lie in the bath and eat bone broth for the next couple of days and heal. When are you going back to Ireland? I'm not, not going back to Ljansk. I'm off to Spain with De La Familia. Oh yeah, when are you going with De La Familia? That's good. De La Familia. Thank you. Thank you. Merci. Por favor. Por favor nos. Vodka. Ia. Ia. Coca light. Por favor. Ia. Ia. See, I'm off to Spain. I can't wait. can I just say I've had some good news this week okay and it's always good to celebrate the good because there's so much bad you sold out your last Apollo nope okay February 15th 3pm and 8pm tickets still available to ronmcline.com international god bless everyone they're starting to look for the missing Malaysian Airlines flight again is this actually true the family have even moved on at this point well the family aren't going to get much back at this stage let's be honest they're not looking for bodies, they're looking for plane parts.

8:50Joanne McNally:Well, no, I think they are looking for, well, they're getting 300 grand per body. No, I'm not saying that's, I'm not saying that's, I wouldn't be like, oh, grand. What was I complaining about? Sorry, they're getting 300 grand a body. So far, the families. Oh, sorry. I thought you meant the people going to look for the plane were going to get 300 grand for each body found. If they hadn't, because they were supposed to look for it in March and the weather meant they couldn't because it was too bad. And if they hadn't started again, I was literally going to hijack a Ryanair flight myself and fly into the Liffey to raise awareness.

9:15Joanne McNally:So I'm thrilled. You are obsessed with this now, which is, it's an unusual level of obsessiveness, even from you. Because I do like to try and keep positive about things, but they have more of a chance of finding Santa Claus than they do of finding the missing Malaysian Airlines flight. And if they do, then there's going to be the conspiracy theories of like, okay, how did you find that? You obviously planted the black box somewhere. I think what happened was the pilot did it and that's what happened. and the plane's gone, smashed into smithereens, lost forever. Yeah, okay. They can suspend the investigation then.

9:50Yeah. She's probably cracked. Did you ring them, Vogue? Did they know that you think this?

9:54Joanne McNally:Because I don't think they do. Do you know what, Joanne, I am actually going to get on to them, but I find it's not really my business and if they want to go and spend all that money and go look for the plane, and I didn't want to step on your toes either. Well, I'm in direct contact with the search company, so I will tell them what you think. Tell them not to bother. Tell them not to bother. Well, firstly, I was like, Vogue wants to know, have you prayed to St. Anthony? Because that's usually a big fixer for her. Do you know how long? Can we just, can we take a second? Do you know when the plane went missing?

10:25Joanne McNally:I couldn't believe this. Ten years ago? Yeah, it was 2014. Well, it's actually, is that 12? It's 10 years ago. Yeah, she went on for 12. I couldn't get over it. It feels like it was yesterday. Also, there's 56 million they're getting paid if they find it. fuck it I said well go get ourselves the metal detector and a dinghy see what we can find look for debris 56 million I have a diving licence I have a diving licence I'll go deep down you stay on top of the dinghy and I'll come up every so often for food and water I'll be up top in goggles and a pool noodle just balance I was like when I go to Lanzarote if you see me in the sea it's because I'm looking for debris I said girls if we all look for a bit of debris over the Christmas season and we build something together we could probably chip in on the 56 mil I'll fake the black box myself Put on a Malaysian accent I've found a better way To make money I've found a much better way To make money I only found out of it I'm just going to get my head Punched in by Jake Paul Do you know that he's doing A fight with Is it Jake Paul Or the other one Which brother is it Jake Paul He's getting his head Punched in by Anthony Joshua They're getting 180 million pounds each For one fight Whoa Imagine you If Anthony Joshua He'd just hit me once And then I'd be gone I'd be done I would get knocked out For 180 million pounds Like sorry We're in the wrong game Yeah and you need to start fighting.

11:42Joanne McNally:That's great, and I'll spend your money while you're on life support, beep, beep, on your way to an early grave. Be worth it. It'll be worth it. Listen, it's for everyone else. I'm a selfless act. I will fight you, Anthony Joshua. I'll spend all your money on scuba gear and a metal detector so I can hit the ocean, look for debris. You need to get your paddy license when you're over in Tenerife with your mom. Imagine I found debris from Malaysia Airlines with a paddy license. I have a paddy license I can go 17 metres looking for years and they can't find it and I'm like find the whole fucking thing yeah down the Thames yes just to be clear I'm laughing at more my obsession with it rather than I mean it's obviously still this is still an active investigation for these families so I don't want to sound like I'm completely insensitive but like I say girls keep an eye out for the debris if you're swimming down the 40 foot on Christmas Day have a look for the debris

12:44Joanne McNally:That sound could mean a lot of things. And when something's going wrong at home, the hardest part can be figuring out what the problem actually is. At Thumbtack, you can upload a voice message or a photo, and our AI-powered search will help diagnose your project. Plus, the pros we know have over 14 million five-star reviews, so you can hire with confidence. Thumbtack. We know homes. Hire the right pro today

13:15Your light is in front of your camera So I just need the light to go behind the laptop Okay well I'll do my Christmas speech after then shall I? It's like working with morons

13:32Come here to me I've got some big news We love a good haul Right? and we haven't done this in ages but we used to do it with the Met Gala and everything like that the Golden Globes gift bags have been revealed. Oh we like these. Wait until it's just getting more and more and more. I'm telling you Joanne we are in the wrong game. We need to start fighting or we need to do something to be invited to the Golden Globes.

14:00Joanne McNally:Sir! Vogue! Bit of news from my end and I'm not going to cut across you. The Golden Globes have just put podcasts in as a category. First year ever. Stop it. Here we go then. So I think we will be attending. Well, where's my gift bag? We need to go first. Hang on. We've got to get there. Got to get the nom. It's only for winners and presenters. I could present. No, I don't. Oh, you could present. You could present. I couldn't take that level of abuse against the front of people. I would rather not. Not that I'd be invited to. Okay. They are valued at just under$1 million. Stop it. Fuck and Jesus.

14:39Fuck and Jesus. It's right, Joanne McNally. I could sell that. Don't forget St Mary and Joseph. Christ alive. So finding the Amazing Airlines is only 57 Oscar gift bags. That's all. So that's what I'm saying.

14:54Joanne McNally:Don't bother. The work they're doing down there. Beachfront Villa trip. Three nights stay in Turks and Caicos. valued at over 500 ,000. I don't believe that. Come on. $500 ,000. Come on now. That sounds like a lot has been on and on. A wine tasting and dinner in Bordeaux. A lavish culinary experience worth around$272 ,000. No, it isn't. No, that's not. See, this is what they're saying. Do you know what this is? So they've gone out to these companies, all these companies, it's all experiential. Everything's moving away from like things and it's all moving to experiences. And these brands are like, we'd love to have Brad Pitt in our wine area.

15:36Joanne McNally:So yeah, sure. Give him a thing and tell him it's worth 200 grand. High-end fitness and wellness gear like bespoke workouts, premium fitness equipment, non-surgical stem cell facelift, $40 ,000, five-day luxury yacht charter, an expensive trip around Indonesia's Coral Triangle. And come on, that's a yacht. That's expensive. Keep an eye for the debris if they're gone. She's obsessed. anytime I post in Hoth now Joanne will just be asking if I've looked out for the debris no I haven't okay there's your pre-answer answer I haven't looked for the debris Emma Stone if you're listening if you get that debris focus go on go on the yacht look for the debris so that's interesting if they're they've got podcasts can we imagine we got to go there yeah yeah I know it'd be pretty cool wouldn't it now I think it's more I think it's more like call her daddy level but you know who knows who knows we're on the way up Are we, Joe?

16:32What are the numbers now, Joe? Are we on that level? Don't tell us before Christmas. We need to branch into the informative space, the news space, the documentary space. If you can find Malaysian Airlines and we can do a documentary on this podcast about it,

16:49Joanne McNally:I'm pretty sure we'll be there. Well, who replaced Avril Lavigne was nominated for an AMBI? That's very good. Isn't it? There you go. It's a start. Yeah, yeah. A little bit of a start Yeah And that was Investigative Investigative We both had a little bit of trouble saying that word Crying helps as well If one of you could cry That's always good Crying is pretty powerful I cried about Winston Was that not enough? Actually that might be our way in That might be the one That's our way in I'll send that over I'm bringing Winston home to Ireland I'm too medicated to cry Vogue That's going to have to be up to you my friend I can cry I'm under a lot of stress at the moment so I could cry I think if you call me call me from January 12th onwards I will be readily available to cry

17:42Joanne McNally:I was looking at like because it's always interesting to see like future predictions predictions in 2025 that didn't come through by the way none of them did it was all about like the death of Joe Biden and Tyler's took getting pregnant I mean these are pop culture predictions now hang on the aliens never came I was genuinely so concerned by that they were meant to come in November remember that big ship thing that everyone said was coming and then I was like oh my god maybe I shouldn't go and I'm a celebrity because what if I'm there I don't want to die with people I don't know and then it never came I forgot about it so that was wrong I think they're still coming no it was meant to be in November it wasn't that one they're always on the way they're like the guests that never arrived they're like me supposedly the world ended in 2022 and we're all just in a matrix yeah that makes sense possibly yeah I'm happy here though I have to say I'm happy speaking of aliens have you seen the new like show is it Pluribus Pluribus on Apple Pluribus yeah yeah it's very good and it's all about an alien takeover it's very good I only started through the day Brendan Courtney recommended it to me but apparently it's like the biggest show that Apple have ever had like made like numbers wise created by Vince Gilligan who made Breaking Bad yeah oh that'll be good then be good okay go on so what are the predictions for 2020s I love these by the way because I actually kind of like I hang my coat on them sometimes I'm like oh I believe I just believe everything hang a coat you're a hoot let's give her someone to hang a coat so what's happening to me next year don't forget you need a hook for my tiny coat as well if I'm coming to those planes for free absolutely I've got one come on I got you one of those little doggy bags as well well actually no I'll just chuck you in my anxious preoccupied your face you're fucking mode as well, yeah.

19:28Joanne McNally:Let's go through the predictions for 2025 that were predicted by that Irish lad. You know, he comes up every year at the Merlin of, he's known as the Irish Merlin. The 260-year-old book Prophecies of Irishman Theo Phyllis Moore, who I'm guessing is dead at this stage unless he's literally Demi Moore and he's still writing books. Assassination attempt on Elon Musk didn't happen. Are you sure that, was that not for this year or was that for last year? Last year. Death of Joe Biden didn't happen. Well, that was surprising. I mean, come on. There's this other fella in Congress. What's his name? And he literally stands at the podium and he just stops talking and just stands there and they walk him off.

20:09I'm like, I'm not saying you have to stop work at any age, but like, I mean, he's just, it doesn't work anymore. It doesn't work. He just like gets, he just stops and he just freezes and he just stands there and everyone's like, okay, what's going on here? And he's just, anyway, I would have thought Joe Biden was on the way out as well, but it's like

20:28Joanne McNally:my aunt God love her she's passed now God rest her soul Auntie Joan but we miss her dearly but she she was still driving in her 80s and I mean like she was a single woman so she was like I obviously have to look after myself and do my own bits and bobs but like I was in the car with her once she'd just stop in the middle of a roundabout and just kind of like reflect you know on like where she felt she needed to go or just his life in general and they're like beep and I'm like Joan and she'd be like let them wait and I'm like okay okay Mitch McConnell is who you're talking about it's Mitch McConnell Joanne you have to go and watch these videos on Mitch McConnell you have to do it it is like berserk I'll have a look okay these all sounded like they could have happened so Europe's in danger of collapse now look the geopolitical stuff I'm not a cross okay I only know what I see in the headlines so I can't maybe we are who fucking knows you're not even The euro was very good.

21:25Joanne McNally:It's not your concern. No, the UK is still in Europe. It didn't geographically move. It left the European Union. I thought we were up near France now.

21:39Still in the same place. We actually got rid of the tunnel. Why is there shit all over the floor?

21:46Joanne McNally:It's because we were moving. Off we go. Come on. Let's go down to Antigua.

21:57Joanne McNally:Things are rocky, guys. Terry Swift will have a baby, didn't happen. Throw and go to Prince William, didn't happen. A lot of it's just predicting the death of people who are old. So, you know, you're not exactly Nostradamus. Anyway, huge predictions for 2026. The big one is that social media is on the decline. So social media peaked in 2022 and it's now getting less and less and less and less. And they're like, analogue is back and they're talking about coffee shops. Now, whether this happens or not, who knows? they're going to take out the plugs and there's going to be like journaling areas and stuff.

22:27Joanne McNally:Yeah. Yeah. And the rise of board games. Not fascism, board games. Oh, I do. I was playing Hungry Hippos over the weekend and I forgot what a fantastic game it was. Hungry Hippos. Great game. And I fought the kids loads of board games. I'm going to get into Twister again. I think that that's a nice thing. You'll just have to, you'll be the one that's driving all that up though, Joanne, because you're never off the TikTok. You and Amber. Well, I am now because I'm going analogue. Okay, okay. She's just going to play Kaplunk now. Yeah. Just hours and hours of go fish until I go blind. Got to stay with the trends, guys.

23:02Joanne McNally:Got to stay with the trends. The sex session will continue. The what? Sex session. The recession of sex. What do you mean? Less riding than ever before. People are, the morale. Well, I don't know what the gays are up to, but morale in the hetero world is low. Even the lads now. And there was a guy talking the other day fuck what was his name Scott something and he was saying liver cirrhosis is less danger than social isolation so he was saying to the younger generation go out and drink in pubs you're not socialising the younger generation don't drink as much which I do think is a good thing but I think getting out and about is also a very good thing I'm scared of the rise of gaming and stuff like that like I don't want like what are those games called roadblocks and stuff I took tea off that because I think it's it's a bit weird like anyone can talk to them on that I completely agree with you I completely agree with you.

23:53I never want to come to your house and see Theodore in a little Britney headset

23:59Joanne McNally:plugged into a game. No, on a gaming chair. No, no, no, no, no. No, he won't be allowed to do that. Let's not plan for him to be an incel. Let's see what happens.