Getting Arrested, Chappell Roan Drama & Mushrooms

0:02Vogue Williams:This is a Global Player original podcast.

0:10Joanne McNally:Oh, you've gone.

0:12Vogue Williams:You're on mute though, you've touched your mic I think. Do you not think the pod would be better if I just kept my mic on mute, no? Should a mic be able to be muted that easily?

0:24Joanne McNally:Surely that's a flaw in the microphone. We accidentally muted about nine times the record.

0:30Vogue Williams:All the time. Joanne, I got really embarrassed this morning. Oh, bring it. So you know the way I try to not let my mom and stuff listen to the podcast? Because it's like, anyway, I was at tea school. And I think that's like security. But they work in the school anyway. And they just stand at the door. And they obviously do stuff during the day. But they let everyone in in the mornings and let everyone out. And one of the guys was like, oh, I'm loving your podcast. And I was like, which one? Obviously thinking he wasn't listening to this. And he's like, the one with your funny friend. I was like, oh.

1:04Vogue Williams:So now I can't do school drop-off anymore. And I was only thinking until last week, I was like, oh no.

1:12Joanne McNally:I love it. Why do I get such a kick when straight men listen? Was he straight? Straight, yeah, straight. How do you know was he straight now? Was he, like, do we know? Because he was wearing a shirt. Yeah, Grantfer.

1:32Vogue Williams:that's actually what I said I was watching it

1:36Joanne McNally:he was wearing a flannel shirt that's how we know and drinking a Coors Light

1:41Vogue Williams:he had slacks on he had slacks in his shoes

1:48Vogue Williams:I was watching it I was watching Susie Ruffell who's a comedian I was watching her her instant yeah and she was saying that like she knew she was lesbian when she was watching the Titanic, she went like seven times to see Kate Winslet. But then she was like, when the Spice Girls came out, we all just loved like Sporty Spice because like we just like, it was like our culture. It was like tracks and bottoms, high pony and just like working out. And she was like, that was like our culture. And it was so true. And poor, not poor Sporty Spice, but she wasn't a lesbian, but everyone was like,

2:20Joanne McNally:oh, the lesbian one. She definitely, now more than myself, Mel C always had a slight lesbian tint to her. But apparently she's not. although you know yourself now I do believe you all have three lesbian affairs in us but that's

2:32Vogue Williams:well Amber told me something about lesbians that I didn't know before because we were doing our pod Amber's doing our pod now and she there was a girl who wrote in and she was a lesbian and she was like I really like this girl but she's got a really really long nails I never thought about it but lesbians yeah and she's like I can't tell her to cut her nails but like I also don't want to be gout ripped apart

2:57Joanne McNally:yeah Yeah I didn't know that You see I just didn't think about it But there's an Irish comic Called Catherine Bowhart Yeah He's gay And she opened One of the Briseccos She opened one of the Briseccos In Vicar Street And she was doing stuff On stage about nails Women and lesbians And nails And I was like Of course Never thought of it Never thought of it

3:17Vogue Williams:And you can get a lesbian manicure In Tropical Popical Supposedly it's a thing Oh I'll have the lesbian manicure Right down to the nub Right down to the nub until you touch skin and it's just slightly stinging. You've one of those. Look at your nails. I always, I can't, my nails are so desperate. I'm actually ashamed of my nails. Like, look at your nails. You've obviously just had your nails done and I look at people like, yeah, and then I'm like, my hands start going inwards. I'm trying to tuck them into my jumper.

3:46Joanne McNally:The shame, but like, so I go through phases of self-care and kind of looking after myself. It's very much swings and roundabouts. And sometimes I'm really across the grooming and the keeping on top of things. But as we know, it's a fucking full-time gig. And my nails can sometimes get to the point before I get them done again where they're gross. Like, they're absolutely gross. Where you have to spend 400 quid on them. Well, yeah. When they get to that point of no return. But they're so bad and you go in. And it's like having a, it's kind of like having what I imagine. Well, no, because a lobotomy actually isn't really that good for you.

4:24Joanne McNally:But it's like a therapy. When you come out with the nails with the mani and the pedi did. Oh! The sense of achievement

4:33Vogue Williams:sacked through another one. Yeah, I'm getting them done tonight and I found this thing, what's it called? Biosculpture. I don't know if you've used that one. Three weeks it lasts on your hands. That's all right. If I can get something that does that, then I'll have at least three weeks of good nails, which kind of suits me down to the ground.

4:50Joanne McNally:My nails underneath all the neon shellac, etc. They are, when I say, the weakest things you've ever seen. Yeah. Honestly, you couldn't, they're like a sponge. Gross. I've ruined them.

5:09Joanne McNally:It's raining in Cape Town. It's been raining for 48 hours. I know. Where do I complain? Where do I complain? We went to this foodie. So one of the guys that's here with us, Josh, he's a real foodie. whereas me and his boyfriend Ross are very similar as in like like we were talking about like we'd eat spam from a tin couldn't couldn't go less oh god yeah but Josh Josh somehow convinced us to go to one of these tasting fancy restaurants restaurants yeah yeah yeah yeah where it's it was the dinners are booked up till June but we managed to kind of wangle in for a lunch thing and everything is teeny tiny and they come over and there's a half an hour introduction to each course.

5:54Joanne McNally:No. Everything is like minute and things like frog foam and all this. And they do a wine tasting. And then because I want to have my first oyster. Oh, your first oyster. I would rather gargle silage. What the fuck? You didn't do it right. You didn't do it right. Sorry, Vogue. I did do it right. I did it under strict supervision. Josh is a he's an oyster guy it's like his thing right so he was like showing me how to eat it and I was like eat it you're lucky I fucking swallowed it oh oh you did get it down well I had to I was in it's a two star Michelin restaurant I wanted to fuck I wanted to spit it out

6:38Vogue Williams:so you had to swallow

6:39Joanne McNally:you had to swallow but even I even I have decorum in those situations and I had to swallow it down and Ross I was trying to swallow the oyster Ross was trying to swallow some fish creme brulee thing between the two of us. The only person who enjoyed himself was Josh and everything is absolutely tiny so Ross went Ross left and we had a McDonald's but Ross had a McDonald's.

6:59Vogue Williams:I can't bear that like that is going to a tasting menu of like seven eight courses is my idea of hell. I just want piles and piles of food and to be honest with you oysters are touch and go. I had a brief love affair with oysters that lasted six hours ate one on the mountains through my guts. Yeah I only had my oyster late in life too and I was like these are delicious and I was going around slurping those snots away like it was no one's business and then I got sick on the mountain and I tried to have one after and I was like I literally can't even look at them now they're sick

7:33Joanne McNally:how unfair for oysters like you think and I'd say if oysters could think which they probably can't they're like look lads we taste disgusting no one's going to want to eat us we look even worse here they all come now with their teeny tiny forks fucking scooping us out putting Tabasco on us and gargling us. I was just dying for a chicken salad and a white wine. I was like, this is just, it's out of my league. It's out of my palate league.

8:00Vogue Williams:Do you know what? There's one Michelin star restaurant that I went to and Joanne, you would love it. What's it called? What's it called? Oh, Pret-a-Mange. Yeah. I'm a basic bitch.

8:11Joanne McNally:I've got a basic tongue, a basic belly. I think though,

8:16Vogue Williams:listen, so this restaurant, right, you go in and you get piles of food. You can wear your tracksuit in there. It's really relaxed. It's a very good atmosphere.

8:26Joanne McNally:Me and Ross, we were so desperately trying to look like we knew what we were doing because your one saw me trying to spit out the oyster. So then we were like, the feral table, you don't get it. Do you know what I mean? They're like, oh, these don't get it. They're like, blow-ins off the tour bus. They don't get it. So she's introducing us to the wines, of course. Like every wine is obviously getting a full introduction, etc. And this one was called Honey Bunch. and she was talking about like the honey notes and everything and Ross like oh my god yeah when she came he kept trying to tell me and Josh that he could taste the honey and we're like is there honey he's like I can taste the honey and she came back God love her you could see she was raging she had to come back that she was like these morons and Ross is like oh yeah the honey in that oh you can really taste it yeah the honey and she's like there's no there's no actual honey in it yeah it's called notes she was just kind of blinking slowly at us and being rusted like toasting what we believe are liquidised jars of alcoholic honey at each other would you have any Castello de Diablo please

9:28Vogue Williams:like have you any Blue Wicked now do you know what I do think you can taste you know if you smell or taste whisky it does taste a bit like muck like peat you can smell peat muck and whisky yeah can you yeah I'll go with that If you smell a whiskey on its own, that's what you smell. It's like, oh God, no wonder I'm so fucked up.

9:53Joanne McNally:The less stars for me, the better. I like a starless dining experience. I like a minus star dining experience. One that's kind of barely alive. One of those restaurants that's barely keeping its head above water because it's had some hygiene issues. That's where I like to go.

10:08Vogue Williams:A little Chiringuito on the beach is what you want. Like one of those little restaurants, a Chiringuito on the beach, those pop-up restaurants. Everyone has a Chiringuito. What the hell is a Chiringuito? A Chiringuito. I need to know. Chiringuito. If you come to my mom's house in Spain, you go down the beach and there's a Chiringuito. It's a little restaurant, but they kind of build it for the summer and then it comes back to it. Oh, yeah. But it's like calamari, prawns pill, you've got your tuna salad. Like, that's what you want.

10:38Joanne McNally:Oh, I didn't know. I'm a Chiringuito gal. I didn't know. You're a Chiringuito gal. It's written all over your face. I'm a Chiringuito gal-y. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not a Michelin star. Gal, it's just not my vibe Okay, well actually

10:51Vogue Williams:Bit of a bone to pick with you We asked for content yesterday You didn't post Not only did you not show us your outfit, your shoes, nothing You posted nothing, zero Well Stories have run out, is your phone broken?

11:04Joanne McNally:Ross stung me, Ross has a video Of me after our conversation Yesterday where I found out the shocking news That I'm a 4.5 rating on Wikifeet where you are 5 Ross caught me trying to get some very sexy foot content up the mountain.

11:22Joanne McNally:Very much kind of swooping in, swooping out, trying to pretend it was being recorded by someone else. It's a very delicate foot content, which I will be posting shortly.

11:32Vogue Williams:Well, I'm getting a manicure, a pedicure tonight, so my feet will be trotting around the place naked for the foreseeable future.

11:40Joanne McNally:My wiki feet page is now going to be a 30-page thread. I'm going to be posting so much fuck content you wait to see these bad boys well all my hashtags are going to be like

11:47Vogue Williams:hashtag nude hashtag no clothes on

11:52Joanne McNally:I was dripping the oysters through my toes I was like look at this