In with The Beckhams, Man Thrown Out & A Kardashian Up Close

5:40Vogue Williams:Now that I'm part of the Beckham family. Oh, I saw that. The greatest...

5:46Joanne McNally:Okay, tell everyone. The greatest bit of accidental PR I've seen in my professional a PR life basically Cruz Beckham you know the way I'm always going on is that I want to be one of the Beckhams and I want to be involved in David's sticky jam

6:01Vogue Williams:everyone wants to be one of the Beckhams yeah

6:03Joanne McNally:they're just the most perfect family despite the you know kind of you know affair perfect and perfect you know if a marriage doesn't survive an affair is it even a marriage in my opinion

6:14Vogue Williams:they couldn't be more perfect now they've gotten rid of Brooklyn after that selfie book finally it took ages they finally kicked marriage that's why they're fighting. That is the meanest thing you've said. I actually, that's a joke because I actually don't mind Brooklyn.

6:31Joanne McNally:She's round back. She's seen what she's gone to for.

6:33Vogue Williams:Have I gone in too deep? Okay. I don't care. I feel really sad after the weekend. She's recommitting. She's recommitting.

6:42Joanne McNally:We know her so well. Victoria, don't hate me.

6:45Vogue Williams:Don't hate me, Victoria.

6:46Joanne McNally:I want free perfume. I'm the regret. Yeah. Send her some tawn. Send her some tawn. Will you send her a bag as well? I'll send her a bag. I'll send her a bag. She'd love one of my bags.

6:56Vogue Williams:She'd love one.

6:58Joanne McNally:Yeah.

6:59Vogue Williams:She can put it inside.

6:59Joanne McNally:Fuck it, send Brooklyn one too, will you? She can put it inside her 20 grand bag. Put it in my little 100 euro bag. So Cruz Beckham is starting a band, has started a band, is in a band. My facts are fudgy because I was just too shocked. And he posted a photo of himself outside the London, the Hammersmith Apollo, with his band. and my name because it was the I was the run of three nights I was doing so it has Geron McNally sold out 16th 18th of October in huge letters at the back and he's like delighted to have opened for and I was like oh my god did I black out Sacker Road and hire Cruz Beckham I was so confused but it was just he just did this dump as the kids do of this like collage of photos and I just happened to be in the background of the first one and then I went through the comments and David Beckham commented underneath going congratulations Cruisy like doing all your hard work so David Beckham has seen my name so I'm off to the Cotswolds for Christmas

7:59Vogue Williams:oh my god I'm in the fam do you want to take it's a lot more I've said I've actually said hello to David Beckham and I still haven't been invited to Christmas did he say hello back though he actually said hello to me and I responded did he indeed yeah in Barry's boot camp yeah don't be a hater he said in Barry's boot camp yeah do you know what I took a video up

8:20Joanne McNally:see if that happened Jo

8:22Vogue Williams:talk talk about talk about me being bitchy you know the way at the Hammersmith Apollo as soon as you finish like remember we finished I wanted to go outside I get a picture of us like the ghosted sign outside and they'd taken everything down when I was when I was at your show I got a video and I was like Jesus Christ well they were off our grave as quick they were taking it down 20 minutes after you and it's like but no one's even on tomorrow like why do they do that So fast.

8:51Joanne McNally:Heavily unionised. Like, they want you out and gone. And also, I remember I was the same when I did my first Apollo for Prosecco. I came out and as I drove off in the car, Anastasia's name was up already. And I was like, wow. Yeah. They had the letters. They were taking the letters down. I think I hadn't even popped the champagne.

9:14Vogue Williams:Oh my God, yeah. I couldn't believe it. I was standing outside.

9:17Joanne McNally:I wanted to DM Cruz as my new opener and go come here send your ma in will you? Send your ma to the show will you?

9:25Vogue Williams:We need to get her on side I love her I know I really do love her and not just because I want her perfume Did you see her new documentary? Yeah but like I thought she was amazing in David's documentary and I think she's just she's always been a powerhouse and I didn't know that she was like all musical theatre-y and everything like she can dance and she can sing did you see her doing the TikTok with Harper I mean she is a sick dancer

9:50Joanne McNally:I fell asleep to the documentary that is no shade on her I was absolutely exhausted and I put it on to relax and her dulcet tone set me off so we need to go back and watch it again but she's finally admitting that she had an eating disorder which I think was like I hope this isn't the wrong thing to say but it was you know quite visibly clear because that's the thing with eating disorders they're very visible but I was like of course she had a fucking eating disorder you were a pop star in the noughties like it was impossible to not have one do you know what I mean but I think she was I'm glad that she's kind of airing it all I loved it anyway she's got great kids hot husband she's sound power to her

10:22Vogue Williams:10 out of 10 for the Beckhams

10:24Joanne McNally:now I'm part of them thrilled oh my god

10:26Vogue Williams:imagine you actually did become friends with the Beckhams I could see it

10:29Joanne McNally:I mean I could I could see I could see it happening

10:34Vogue Williams:well I will take your Beckhams and I will raise you are we

10:38Joanne McNally:okay go

10:39Vogue Williams:I will raise you Kim Kardashian

10:41Joanne McNally:this is huge news

10:42Vogue Williams:my new best friend this is huge wait till you hear Jo Jo how much do I love Kim Kardashian how much it's an unhealthy obsession like not normal she it was my mastermind subject 10 out of 10 obviously got all them right oh my god I totally forgot she was your mastermind yeah I know oh I haven't met her yet that happens tonight she's a new show coming out on Disney Plus called All's Fair and the whole cast are coming over and Chris is gonna be there I can't this is this is the biggest thing

11:14Joanne McNally:that's ever happened to us

11:15Vogue Williams:I would say 100 % and I'm hosting the red carpet and like I'm going to touch her I'm going to touch her not like I touched you on Saturdays yeah I was going to say Vogue please

11:28Joanne McNally:I'm going to breathe her air not when your sexy touches oh I wish

11:34Vogue Williams:just be appropriate with her please I'm so excited though because I've all who doesn't want to see a Kardashian up close and I'm getting to see Chris who has just come out and said she had that facelift with that guy and I'm going to ask her, Chris, what's the secret code?

11:48Joanne McNally:Oh yeah, did you hear about this, Jo? You know the way Vogue likes to drop in a story with zero context?

11:54Vogue Williams:Yeah, all the time.

11:56Joanne McNally:She's a context free zone, our Vogue. Basically, Kris Jenner had a very successful, very impressive facelift and she named the surgeon because there was other surgeons coming out taking credit for it, so she came out and then said, look, this is who I actually who did it but she rang the doctor before and said look are you okay with me saying this publicly because she was like he doesn't need the promo like he's booked and busy do you know he's like yeah no that's no problem but what they did was they came up with the secret code word that if anyone rang to try and get an interview with him or an audition like a consultation It is it's an audition at this stage It is an audition yeah yeah it's a top dance on the other side if you'll fix their face Please please but you've got to pick a pocket door too he's like no you're in bits go home get your wigs and get out of here I'm not fixing you you've had like a box of spanners you stay there but gave them a secret code word and so if they are a genuine friend of Kris Jenner's if they have the code word he'll give them a consultation so Vogue's going in we have her we're going to have you we're going to have you mic'd we're going to have a little secret camera on you she's going to wear a wire she's going to wear a wire and I'm going to be out in a van with a satellite dish out the front

13:09Vogue Williams:waiting for this code word. Joanne, this is our private code word. I'm not recording this. You'll be lucky. Listen, you'll have to reconsider your actions on Saturday if you want that code word. For me? Of course I'd give you the code word. I'd never do something like that. Oh my God.

13:25Joanne McNally:I just wouldn't want to give it to everyone else. Imagine we both got facelifts and came out looking exactly like Kris Jenner. And we were like, what are you talking about? We didn't get the code.

13:32Vogue Williams:We haven't done a single thing. I don't know what you're on about. They're like, You look Armenian.

13:40Joanne McNally:What are you on a brace?

13:42Vogue Williams:Armenian. How dare you? You can't say that to me. Oh, God, stop. But there's loads of other people that I'm meeting, though. I'm meeting Nishi Nash. I'm meeting Tiana Taylor. And if you, okay, I'm not obviously going to bring this up when I meet her because it's probably not the topic that I will ever talk about. But she is in Kanye West's video, Fade. and oh I have never seen a more perfect specimen Tayana Taylor she's this dancer she basically she's in the show with Kim and she basically choreographed for Beyonce when she was 15 like she created this routine for Beyonce and she's been going she's just this like phenomenon of a person and I watched her in the kind because I didn't know it was her and then I was obviously deep diving everyone because I'm interviewing them today and I watched her in that music video and I was just like

14:35Joanne McNally:Is it not kind of weird for Kim to be working with somebody who worked with Kanye was this years ago?

14:40Vogue Williams:Yeah but I think that like I'd say Kim is bigger than that first of all and I would say that there's too many people that would have worked with Kanye you can't not work

14:48Joanne McNally:with everybody you don't like No fair no that's fair that's fair

14:52Vogue Williams:Watch the video of her anyone listening listeners please watch that video like you'll die you'll feel like her body just doesn't even look like a real body Oh yeah Oh, wow. I know.

15:06Joanne McNally:Swim.

15:06Vogue Williams:So I'm hoping that I meet them first so they can, like, ease me in. If I get, if Kim comes first, like, I'm just not going to be able to swallow or anything. You know that way?

15:25Vogue Williams:I want to have fun with them. I have to stick to movie questions, but I also want to ask other questions. But it was her birthday yesterday, so I've got that to go on, you know, just to be like natch this is mega

15:41Joanne McNally:word on the street is and I say word on the street I mean facts on the internet say that she is like tiny like 5 foot 5 '2 5 '1 I know but I can't wear a kitten heel you have to Vogue you can't wear heels Joanne I have to wear heels

15:56Vogue Williams:I'm not not wearing heels you're going to have to go on pumps if you want to be friends with her

16:01Joanne McNally:you're going to have to go

16:03Vogue Williams:She won't be my friend if I'm in pumps and she won't be my friend if the heel's too high but I don't think she likes a kitten heel either. I'm going to have to go somewhere in between. I'm not going in a pump, Joanne. Me, I'm wearing a suit. I'll literally look like a bloke. I'm not wearing a pump.

16:18Joanne McNally:Yeah, I wonder what she's going to wear. Is she going to come dressed in her black plastic bags or what's she going to do? Is she going to go high fat? And that show looks amazing,

16:25Vogue Williams:by the way. It's on Adford. It looks fucking savage. Yeah, I know. It does look really good. She's going to be wearing, I've seen when she's worn, they're all wearing these gorgeous, stunning dresses, but like there's no point in even trying to compete or do anything of the sort. I've just gone black suit, like really gorgeous, structured black suit. I'm not going to try and like outwear them because it's never going to happen.

16:47Joanne McNally:Stunning. Yeah, I do think sometimes black is best. I think sometimes you're dead right. Go demure, go discreet and go, you just, and just accept. You're like, okay, I'm not going to try and style them. I'm not going to try and out style. And you're interviewing, you know, you're the Louis Theroux of the day. Louis Theroux

17:03Vogue Williams:doesn't go OTT. Louis Theroux. I am going in for gloss in my hair with Hadley before because he said Kim Kardashian likes glossy hair. So get in early. We'll do a gloss. I'm doing as much as I can to better myself. Just don't be weird, okay?

17:17Joanne McNally:Because we would love her in the gang. So just be cool. Be chill.

17:21Vogue Williams:Yeah, but I can't tell her then how much I love her.

17:24Joanne McNally:No.

17:24Vogue Williams:Play it cool. Does he know how much I love her? Ignore her. Does he know?

17:28Joanne McNally:Ignore her.

17:29Vogue Williams:That's my advice. She'll just come up on stage I'll just put my back Turn your back

17:33Joanne McNally:Yeah make her really work for it That's the best way Treat her like a lad

17:39Vogue Williams:Start tipping me on the shoulder I'd be like

17:43Joanne McNally:You'd be like get over me

17:45Vogue Williams:Just walk by her and go Hi Tiana

17:50Joanne McNally:Go full Mariah on her ass

17:56Vogue Williams:Oh here he is Who are you on the phone to? Just out of interest You can beep it out The vet. Not for me. Not another one. Not another one. You got no shots? Is the dog okay? Yeah, he's okay. He's hurt his back, so he's in a cage and he's not allowed out of the cage and he's very sad. Oh, you have a dog? Yeah.

18:17Joanne McNally:I've had a dog for all the years I've known you. I've never seen a dog. All right, okay. Well, then I made it. Yeah. You're so weird the way you make shit up.

18:27Vogue Williams:That wasn't the vet. Well, one of my kids has finally paid an interest into the fact that Winnie's no longer here. Otto was sitting on the ground today and he goes, where's Winnie? And I'm like, not here, Otto. Oh no!

18:40Joanne McNally:That's a good sign. That means he's like emotionally resilient. You won't have to worry about him. It's three weeks and a day. It's three weeks and a day. And he's finally mentioned it. He's inherited those psychopathic tendencies his father loves to go on about.

18:56Vogue Williams:I have to hear about psychopaths anymore honestly do you know what there's loads of them though there is loads of them I know there is loads of them

19:05Joanne McNally:now I can't compete with Kim Kardashian

19:08Vogue Williams:neither can I mean it's the pinnacle of my career I'm just giving up after this it's a highlight yeah there's nothing left

19:16Joanne McNally:there's nothing left you've earned a year of a good long nap after that now

19:20Vogue Williams:listen it's the best day of my life including when I gave birth to my children

19:25Joanne McNally:Oh my god That hasn't even happened yet I'm so excited

19:29Vogue Williams:I can't wait to tell you

19:31Joanne McNally:Oh my god We can't wait For the scoop I was set Jo you were off Taking your imaginary phone call But I was saying to Vogue That she needs to be chill With Kim And not like B-O-T-T Just be like Chill

19:43Vogue Williams:Yeah I'm sure that'll be Really easy for her to achieve I'm sure she'll I'm ignoring We've decided I'll just Ignore her completely Just burn her Oh yeah Burn her

19:51Joanne McNally:Yeah that's what I think

19:52Vogue Williams:Yeah even when I sidestepper and go to like Glenn Close or something Glenn I love just Cruella just trust

20:01Joanne McNally:yeah call her Chloe or something really fuck with her head yeah

20:05Vogue Williams:Kim it's lovely to meet you but I really was waiting for Chris

20:12Joanne McNally:well I'm on to work at the moment as you know because I haven't stopped talking about oh by the way as we're talking about the Apollos I do want to say here because I have added two extra Apollos February 5th and 6th just I feel I should be allowed to use this as a platform to plug those and follows.

20:29Vogue Williams:I'm not going to lie I'm probably going to go to both.

20:31Joanne McNally:Good.

20:32Vogue Williams:It was I will be at least one of them. Thank you Jo. Bring the dog. At least one. Cool.

20:38Joanne McNally:I'd like a proof of life because I think you're full of shit.

20:45Joanne McNally:Bring him out on stage. So anyway something fantastic happened to me recently on Twitter. So I was gigging in New York and then came off stage after and I heard through the grapevine there was a man removed from the stalls for having a go of himself.

21:04Joanne McNally:I saw the video. I sent both of them. I have footage. Now obviously I was thrilled because as we know I am quite hostile like I'm you know we've always said the job the shows they're a little bit of a cock block and I find it does stand in the way of me romantic. Exactly. So when I heard he was having a go of himself, I was like, still got it, et cetera, et cetera. I was like, oh my God, what is it? Is it like, what are the levels here? Is he hot? Is he single? Is he wearing a ring? Blah, blah, blah. Then, one of the girls... He's wanking in public.

21:41Vogue Williams:Why would you care if he's hot or not?

21:46Joanne McNally:Folk, do you know how hard it is for me? trying to meet men in this industry. Is he wearing a ring? Shut up. Is he eligible? Yeah. What's he working? What's he doing? Is he booked and busy? Has he got kids? Is he co-parenting? What's his vibe? Does he flash on the side? Yeah. What was he wearing? He was wearing a waistcoat, quite demure. I was like, was he an usher? They were like, no. I was like, okay, okay. So, there I was trying to get to the bottom of my new relationship and then one of the women who was at the show messaged me going there was a lad removed from the store I said I heard humble brag blushy emoji and she said fuck's sake peace sign and I said she said we have a video and I said send to me stat so I'd heard his girlfriend was with him I was hearing differing stories so then she sent me the video and Vogue has seen it it was it wasn't as complimentary as I thought it was going to be it was a it was more it was a rub he looked like he was asleep he looked I thought he was kind of risking a danger wank because he couldn't control himself at my physical property and my glutes and my dulcet tones but it was more like he was bored and passed out and then was just kind of self-soothing like like a kind of like the way I suck my thumb when I'm tired it was more he was just kind of rubbing.

23:18Joanne McNally:It was a rubbing. It was a rub. Keep it going for later. It felt like maybe he had a date later on. He was trying to keep it lit. It's cold outside. Kind of jumpstart.

23:27Vogue Williams:I feel like he wanted to have like a halfie so he looked like

23:30Joanne McNally:he was packing, you know. It sounded like maybe he had a plan for later on. It sounded like it wasn't really about me. And then he was asked to, he was removed and he just went, which I thought was also insulting. I was like, you could fight for me, you know. I'm still on stage You haven't finished You're not even hard yet Do you know That's a little lazy So what started As a giant compliment Became quite insulting At the end Ipso facto I was disappointed

24:02Vogue Williams:By a man at my own show I think it would be The most embarrassing thing In the world To get thrown out For doing something like that Like you just don't want To be the creep And that's the creep You can't be the creep I sat in my DMs

24:12Joanne McNally:Waiting to hear from this man

24:14Vogue Williams:and nothing, nothing. Well, I'll tell you what. He's a timidator. I nearly fell out of bed the other day. A man, quite a good looking man, DM'd me off the back of Joanne's show and said, hook a brother up. I nearly fell out of the bed. I was like, did he watch the show or is he reposting from someone else? No, no, no. He'd taken the picture himself.

24:40Joanne McNally:Me and Barbara were in shock. I actually said to vote, did he stay till the end? we could not figure out why he was asking to meet me I just feel this this is amazing I have a new energy about me I'm telling you

24:52Vogue Williams:I'm not trying to be awful but we're absolutely 100 % sure he meant you and not Garoad

24:58Joanne McNally:100 % Joe when your mum was wanking at the stalls me and Garoad were holding hands going who was on who was on who was on who was it for

25:09Vogue Williams:Garoad did have that sparkly vest on and I saw a nipple I saw a nipple

25:13Joanne McNally:he's got the nips out yeah he does he's a Grodin Furnace he's got a Leicester Square theatre show to plug so he's you should go like he's fucking savage he was very funny oh my god we should go to that together as a team night out

25:26Vogue Williams:we will we've been going on about this team night out for ages guys I'm going to be pregnant on my fifth child by the time we get through this

25:31Joanne McNally:obviously I can't go to Grodin's show I can't listen to his material anymore I've heard it too much but you guys should go you go you go have a good time

25:46Vogue Williams:It's very exciting when Joanne's going to bring something up and you're like, uh-oh, are we going to be able to keep this or no?

25:53Joanne McNally:Oh, we'll keep this.

25:59Vogue Williams:Did you know I'm a tech genius now? Did Jo tell you? Not only have I set up my new phone alone, did the whole thing on my own, took seven hours by the way. This bullshit of things just transfer over like that, doesn't happen. Seven hours Jo, that took, I had to leave it overnight. and then Joe forced me to buy a new laptop because he doesn't care about money yeah and yeah and I got a new laptop left it sitting there for two weeks because I wasn't seeing you losers for two weeks and then I was setting it up last night five hours so all this bullshit about Apple saying yeah it just transfers over no it doesn't it's a nightmare between five to seven hours

26:36Joanne McNally:when I get a new phone I have to cut family and friends out of my life because I'm like you don't exist to me anymore I can't transfer your number over I don't know how to contact you anymore goodbye and good luck good luck on your journey I hope to bump into you

26:47Vogue Williams:at a family funeral at some stage I did the whole thing and I'm considering getting a job in Apple on the side because I couldn't believe how good I was at it we did it I had a meltdown this morning you did call me and have a breakdown five minutes that was about the email that was about the email because I don't know my password

27:03Joanne McNally:oh yeah yeah yeah oh it's impossible yeah I was onto Lauren the other day I was like how can I access my Dropbox and she was like er with your email and password and I was like what's my email and password? Because I've different ones How could you Yes

27:18Vogue Williams:and it's always like oh there's a security leak on this I'm like oh for fuck's sake Don't care Yeah Just take it

27:25Joanne McNally:It's like oh your password has appeared in a security leak Good Send it to me What is it?

27:29Vogue Williams:I'd like to see it please Yeah I just get on to Neil Wilson I'm like Neil Wilson if I need my birth shirt Neil Wilson if I need anything he's got my marriage shirts both of them Stop showing off

27:40Joanne McNally:do you have a dad Well you want to talk to Pat?

27:46Vogue Williams:I know I was like Pat

27:49Joanne McNally:she's probably stepped out in there in the last hurrah. She doesn't seem up for it. So did you read the story about the young Scottish girl who faked a pregnancy and a baby?

28:00Vogue Williams:Oh Jesus Christ yeah.

28:02Joanne McNally:Only because you

28:03Vogue Williams:sent it to me weirdo. It's everywhere.

28:06Joanne McNally:And it's right up our alley. It's pretty bizarre. A woman tricked her boyfriend and her own family into believing she was pregnant held a gender reveal party, which is probably the maddest thing about the whole fucking thing. And then pretended to have given birth to Bonnie Lee earlier this month but days later when people started asking questions about the fact that they were like, the baby hasn't moved or the baby looks a bit cold she's like, oh it's dead. Oh. Did you see it Jo? Are you googling it?

28:38Vogue Williams:No, I'm hearing this for the first time.

28:39Joanne McNally:It's like, Google, it's like an AliExpress doll. It's like, now, in fairness, it does look... That was a decent looking doll. It was, it was. But at what point, like, imagine that thing going to college. They're like, I don't want to talk about the fact that, I don't want to, you don't want to accuse a child of having developmental issues, but, you know, how can it start a job in marketing? It hasn't grown. It's still three months out. Do you know, at what point was she going to be like, this isn't, there was no long-term strategy here. You know?

29:05Vogue Williams:I feel like she has obviously got some serious problems there, But those dolls, I mean, it was an accident waiting to happen because I was in Heathrow Airport once and there was a child. She couldn't have been more than nine dragging around one of those dolls and she banged its head off the side of a thing. And I was like, what? And then the dad. Yeah. And then the dad was like, oh, no, that's a doll. It's not a real baby. But honestly, it was so lifelike. I actually thought first of all, I was like, is that baby dead? And then she banged its head and I was like, oh, God, it didn't move. And then the dad was like, it's not a real baby.

29:34Vogue Williams:I swear to God, this was this is about six months ago. It was actually a friend of mine's cousin in the end. he was like I know blah blah blah Was she in training? No I used to go around with a dolly all the time I used to have a baby born Sophie they're all called Sophie awesome and a new Sophie it was just a dolly that she was bringing around but it was so like that one in Glasgow so lifelike that it was like

29:54Joanne McNally:it could pass Yeah I mean she got away with it for a little bit but I think the conversation about the child not hitting its milestones was going to come down the road so I guess she was always planning on kind of unaliving it out of her life I don't know having a gender reveal party for a baby that doesn't exist that's like having an Easter egg with no Easter eggs at the end it's so cruel and mean I don't even watch I don't even know the gender plus gender isn't even a thing anymore folk I don't even know the gender of your kids who cares

30:22Vogue Williams:listen she was just watching a party she's looking for a bit of attention and that does sound like something I would have done back in the day I used to go around with plasters on my head and no cut

30:29Joanne McNally:yeah it's an Instagram pregnancy she's gotten locked in to the kind of the attention that comes but I was delighted to know because sometimes you look at relationships and you're like oh god they're obviously having loads of sex it was nice for me to know that a woman in a relationship got away with a nine month fake pregnancy because no one's riding that was nice for me to know you know even in relationships no one's riding that was encouraging for me to know

30:50Vogue Williams:she was in the relationship the whole time and he didn't even know yeah are you sure he wasn't in on it

30:57Joanne McNally:no oh my god weird

30:59Vogue Williams:how do you come back from that

31:01Joanne McNally:you can't god love her I think she's gone into hiding so everyone's going mad about the fake baby the main reason being because everyone bought her presents. So someone bought her a buggy for a grand, someone gave her £500, yeah loads of people gave her money because she was pregnant but I know, knowing that this could happen, I am no longer going to give any babies presents. Vogue, your next pregnancy if you get pregnant again, I'm going to be your gender reveal party, I'm going to bring a pair of stirrups and an ultrasound machine and be like, unless I see hop into the stirrups Vogue, unless I see proof that there's a baby in there, you're not getting anything.

31:36Joanne McNally:And do not come back now and say I don't give your kids presents. I do. Just never around occasions. I just sporadically give them.

31:44Vogue Williams:Only, only real ones. Well, I'll tell you what, Joanne, I'm really excited that you've said you're going to throw a gender reveal party because I have only ever had one baby shower and I don't know if you've noticed, but there's actually three children that live in this house. So I'm owed two. I'm happy to throw

31:58Joanne McNally:you one if you're happy to get into the stirrups for proof. I'd love to get into the stirrups for you. You do, you would. Yeah, I'll wear the tracksuit. She's lowered you in. See how she did it? Don't wash it. She always gets what she wants in the end. She always gets what she wants in the end. I feel like a creep. Imagine trying to get her into school. They're like, we can't really take her on account of her being wooden. Maybe try the school down the road.

32:29Vogue Williams:Sorry, this is a Catholic school, actually, and you have not been practicing at our church. She can't come in.

32:34Joanne McNally:She's wooden. we've spoken to the department and after some consideration we've sadly cannot enrol your child on the fact that she's plastic but thank you

32:44Vogue Williams:for your interest thanks for considering us yes I bet you could get her into a private school though she'd be like yeah we'll take anyone

32:56Vogue Williams:she's going to Eton

33:04Joanne McNally:I hope she goes to Mallory Towers Is that a real school Or a fake one Mallory Towers Where is that Were they the books They were the books About the boarding school Do you remember Mallory Remember the books About the And everyone wanted To go to boarding school Because they read Mallory Towers Jo Yeah I think that It looks like it's fictional I think Oh Graham It's fine fine fine I've done that thing Where I've confused The whole world with fantasy event Enid Blyton Enid Blyton Enid Blyton so I didn't go to Mallory Tarrant is that what you're saying you've never been I'd say probably not I should take it off my CV then

33:38Vogue Williams:you went to Loretto Fox Rock my friend I went to Loretto I went to Loretto I went to Loretto I went to Loretto Loretto to Loretto sorry oh my goodness because I'm meeting Kim obviously like I've loads of skims anyway not just saying that I've loads of skims do you? I've no skims I've no skims oh they're so soft they are soft they're not cheap either though I paid 20 quid for a pair of knickers but they're the most comfortable knickers ever anyway so I bought new skims for the occasion and I bought the Nike skims which I'm wearing now just to show you that I'm not lying Nike skims because I want to show her that I like love her so much yeah I want to show her my knickers

34:17Joanne McNally:this is the opposite of what we said about playing a girl

34:20Vogue Williams:I just want to show her my knickers she's a knicker girl okay and then I spotted the new pube knickers and I thought they would be much more appropriate wouldn't they?

34:29Joanne McNally:I'm assuming it's a pure stunt so again I'll give context Jo

34:33Vogue Williams:I actually on purpose don't give context because I know that you're going to do it for me

34:38Joanne McNally:we have a dynamic now

34:40Vogue Williams:I just think that I read the emails Joanne you do the context

34:44Joanne McNally:and I explain the topics

34:46Vogue Williams:I kind of just assume that everyone's in my mind so that they know they're like oh yeah I know what she's talking about

34:57Joanne McNally:Kim has brought out a line of Merkins Is that what she's calling them? Merkins Fake pube knickers Well that's what they're called Merkins The word pube is so awful The term Merkin is likely a blend of the old word Malkin a derogatory term for a lower class woman and Marikin a diminutive of the name Mary according to the online etymology a directionary sorry

35:24Vogue Williams:Jesus Christ I still don't know what that means was that the explanation?

35:31Joanne McNally:Dictionary in Wikipedia early use of the word which appears in 1617 was likely associated with the lower clauses wow what's happening? I do the reading

35:41Vogue Williams:I do the reading remember? I have Italian English

35:44Joanne McNally:Reader explainer Do you know what I was the other day I was trying to write down spaghetti bolognese and when I say it took me nine Spaghetti Nine attempts And I was like Because you don't write As much now anymore Your spelling does suffer Doesn't it? I couldn't spell Bolognese If you gave me ten Ten years in a row And spaghetti's tough enough as well Yeah it is

36:05Vogue Williams:Spaghetti

36:06Joanne McNally:The only thing I can spell

36:07Vogue Williams:Is jewellery So I call it all jewels I'm like do you have any jewels? Jewellery's hard Yeah I still get dessert In desert

36:13Joanne McNally:I'm still a victim of that Broccoli Well I'm It's a hard one

36:17Vogue Williams:Guys it's like I'm back in school I've never struggled With broccoli Yeah Joe broccoli for girls. B-R-O-C-C-I-A. Joe, spell car. I can't do that. Spell car.

36:32Joanne McNally:How dare you? I'm highly educated. Now I'm off to read my book The Cat and the Mat for the afternoon. Do not interrupt me, please. It'll take me all day.

36:53Joanne McNally:You could say we missed each other. We did miss each other, didn't we?

36:56Vogue Williams:We did.

36:56Joanne McNally:Did we a bit?

36:57Vogue Williams:No, are we allowed to? Well, we probably missed Joe, but we've seen each other, so. We have.

37:03Joanne McNally:We have both.

37:10Vogue Williams:I'm back at school, though, because the kids, so, like, I'm relearning with them for their homework. I can do Gigi's homework, all right. It's teased. I'm struggling with a bit of maths now.

37:19Joanne McNally:I'd find the maths. Not even joking. I saw a meme the other day and it was like, we don't talk enough about the trauma of a parent sitting late into the night with their child trying to teach them maths. And when I say, my father, God rest his soul, I'd say I took years off that man. I'd say he could have lived another 10 if he hadn't had to try and teach me maths. It was, into the late, into the, everything, the house was dark, everyone was asleep and there was just like one light over the kitchen table.

37:45Vogue Williams:It's just you crying.

37:46Joanne McNally:It's like Guantanamo Bay. He was like, come on Joanne. Everybody had that.

37:51Vogue Williams:Neil used to take me back to basics so like if I couldn't do like one sum of something I remember he sat me down and made me go through all the times tables for about three hours until I learned them all perfectly and then I was allowed to go back and do the one sum I was like, do that Neil?

38:04Joanne McNally:You don't do it like that over here It's hell, it's just hell Anyway, the Merkin Yeah, the Merkin

38:12Vogue Williams:Whatever that might be Yeah Yeah, so I was planning on wearing it I reckon it's the PR's done to you Should I wear it? Well, I don't know, but should I wear it over my suit or under my suit? Or under my suit with the zip open? Good question. Or over the suit?

38:30Joanne McNally:Good question. I'm going to say over. Get it out of the way. Over, go full out there. Establish yourself early on that you're insane. I think that's the way to go.

38:47Vogue Williams:Approachable. I would be approachable

38:49Joanne McNally:Yeah and then kind of Start fiddling with it Gently as she speaks

38:53Vogue Williams:Can I also say If pubes are back Maybe braid us What are we going to do?

38:57Joanne McNally:Stop I'm going to Turkey

38:58Vogue Williams:What are we What are we going to do? We'll have to You and I We'll have to go to Turkey What the hell I never really saw That turnaround coming I laided everything off

39:09Joanne McNally:Because they told me Hair on women was disgusting And I believed them And I didn't know I did not foresee The trend coming back This is what This is the important message everything comes back into fashion eventually. It does but I just didn't foresee pubes coming back honestly I really did not. No one did no one saw it coming no one saw it coming and now it's like we're all going to be off to Turkey to get turkey teeth and a decent amount of pubic hair. I used to do it in stand up that I'm so bad at making arrangements I'll come back with teeth in my vagina. I'll get confused and end up getting veneers in my vagina.

39:44Joanne McNally:Yeah. Just to add to my woes.

39:46Vogue Williams:That's really going to have them running now, Joanne.

39:50Joanne McNally:Snapping at them.

39:52Vogue Williams:Oh, Jesus.

39:57Joanne McNally:Is there anything more terrifying than the image of teeth in a vagina? It's like, you know that crocodile game. I'm flossing.

40:11Vogue Williams:Oh, God. Well, on that note, thank you.

40:16Joanne McNally:Are you finishing up on behalf of us all again, Vogue? Yeah, Vogue's cooling up. That's it.

40:21Vogue Williams:I thought it was a great, great age. It's not masturbating. It's flossing. There's no better out. I wouldn't care if we were at nine minutes. That would be the age. We can't go anywhere.

40:34Joanne McNally:She's too excited about meeting Kim. She doesn't care about us anymore, Jo. Stop bringing it up.

40:39Vogue Williams:I'm going to sweat.

40:41Joanne McNally:You guys are meaningless

40:42Vogue Williams:to me now.

40:43Joanne McNally:Is it, what's the crack? Is it like, are we going to see content early on? Is it a secret? Are you signing NDAs?

40:50Vogue Williams:Well, I'm not allowed to say anything about anything until I think when the show comes out, which is the 4th of November, I think. I think they're releasing four apps and then they release weekly. They suck you in with the three. But also, I got sent previews of the Kardashians. So you can only imagine how the new Kardashians, how happy I've been this week. It's really... This is great for you. I haven't been happy. I actually haven't been happy at all because of my birthday party. Why? I've been in the deepest, darkest hole because I'm not able to drink and I won't have it anymore. Everyone's making me drink all the time.

41:25Vogue Williams:It's not good for my mental health and that's the new line.

41:28Joanne McNally:And as we and Jo said, it's not good for our mental health to listening to you talk about your mental health. So we're in full favour of you giving up the biz.

41:35Vogue Williams:There's been a lot of tears and I decided then on Sunday, I was like, that's it. And if anyone says to me, oh, go on, have a drink, I'll say, do you know what? No. Because it's really bad for my mental health. I'm putting out the mental health card because it's true.

41:48Joanne McNally:Yeah, go full Gen Z on it. I agree. Develop an allergy. Go hard.

41:53Vogue Williams:That's absolutely it. That's absolutely it. I'm allergic to it and it's bad for my mental health. You can't really argue with any of this. No. You're raising awareness for wellness.

42:07Vogue Williams:Thank you so much, everyone, for listening. That was My Therapist Ghosted Me. And remember, always floss. Oh. Always.

42:14Joanne McNally:Always. Floss, whatever that means to you. Speaking of which, Jo, do you not have a lot of sex toys that were sent in by a PR company that are still in your locker?

42:24Vogue Williams:I have two sets of sex toys now. So I have one bag and then I have another whole bag. I have two bags.

42:30Joanne McNally:And they sent me in as, as, um, uh, what's it called? Lubricant that costs£70, allegedly. So I'll be using that as...

42:38Vogue Williams:I haven't been through it forensically.

42:39Joanne McNally:I'll be using that as a body cream. as an under eye cream because I'm not wasting that on a ride.

42:45Vogue Williams:Here, maybe I'll have a couple of sex toys, actually. You don't need them all, Joanne. Come on, there's like 17 there now. You don't need a sex toy. You have a husband. He's a sex toy. I do, actually. Well, sometimes you want to do it on your own, don't you?

43:08Joanne McNally:This has been a Global Player original production. Thank you.