Lady Lambeth

3:15Vogue Williams:Fair fucking lady who does handjobs anymore? I do

3:18Joanne McNally:do you that's what the lads wanted my god that's what the lads wanted that's what the lads wanted is that there's only one way we're taking these bins you know what to do I don't think anyone so I got on my knees and I went no just recycle properly you fucking nutjob

3:32Vogue Williams:anyone over the age of 25 that's doing handjobs fair play to you Jo that's not you included we know you're doing them do you not do you not

3:40Joanne McNally:do you think they are age handjobs are age specific

3:43Vogue Williams:they were a very rare thing to do a handjob I'd be in for other stuff before the handjob and Svenny would prefer other stuff and I just feel like they can do it better anyway so yes you're right

3:53Joanne McNally:why take the job from the person you know what I mean who can do it better you shouldn't be taking the job he doesn't want a handjob you know just another white woman stealing employment from someone else let him wake himself up he's better at it it's his thing let him do it you shouldn't you're right you're right you are coming from a position of privilege and it's not fair he feels uncomfortable

4:10Vogue Williams:because it disappears under my hand I told you that oh yes it's massive

4:13Joanne McNally:yeah god does he mind anyway sorry so yesterday right

4:17Vogue Williams:he doesn't see any of it thank god he's not on Instagram anymore so he doesn't see my new ride of the week

4:24Joanne McNally:so yesterday I came in I said Joanne it's time to woman up here now and get this job across the line so I I chatted to ChatGBT for a little bit and I was like break this shit down for me I gave it my postcode my address I said what do I have to do what goes in each bin break it down

4:44Vogue Williams:did ChatGBT know all that? yeah what is it because you're in you say Lambeth Lambeth's massive John

4:51Joanne McNally:I know but I wouldn't bother

4:52Vogue Williams:you said you'd live in Clapham is Lambeth bigger than is it is Clapham as dark as you realise

5:02Vogue Williams:I don't know I'm not from here I live in England that's all I know don't say London I live in the England area yeah I live in England County England I don't know

5:13Joanne McNally:don't say Lambeth

5:14Vogue Williams:she's practically giving her a postcode on this podcast.

5:18Joanne McNally:It's wild how little I know about this country considering I've been nearly five years. So anyway, last night I was like, right, I went in and when I say I was like Einstein trying to solve gravity. I was like, it was like, do you remember your man? Do you remember the film?

5:32Vogue Williams:Rain Man?

5:33Joanne McNally:No, the math one. Oh, with Russell Crowe? No. Apollo 13. Nope. That's not a math. House sitter? House sitter.

5:45Vogue Williams:Yes house sitter

5:48Joanne McNally:Marvel tree yes

5:49Vogue Williams:What are the lads Who do the Will Goodwill Hunter Ah yes That's the one Yeah okay

5:54Joanne McNally:Remember he did The big sum on the board That was me And then I Woke up this morning I heard the truck coming I told the windows open And I got up And I Watched From the bathroom window And he came over And he's like Genuinely He didn't He looked Oh yeah Yeah yeah He rustled Like you evoke He rustled He rustled through You could see him checking to see had I done it correctly. Because you've got a name for yourself. I've got a name for myself. In the Lambeth area. In the Lambeth area. Apparently. That's where I live. She's just going to start telling people she's from Lambeth now. I am. Yeah, I am a grader to Lambeth.

6:27Joanne McNally:I don't know. It's about 33, 34. It's a long time ago now. Anyway. And I said, oh my God, oh my God. I was on the edge of my toilet seat, I can tell you. And then he, I was like, is he going to do it? Is he going to do it? And I could see. Yeah. And then he, it was like slow-mo.

6:41Vogue Williams:How long did you spend the word noise?

6:43Joanne McNally:of Lambeth playing as he just emptied the bin in. But he was looking for an excuse not to take it.

6:49Vogue Williams:Oh, wow. Yeah.

6:50Joanne McNally:Fair play.

6:51Vogue Williams:I like that they're so thorough.

6:53Joanne McNally:Do you?

6:54Vogue Williams:I do, because I think people like you, people like you ruin recycling for the rest of the world. Why do you think we're in a heat wave? You. It's me. You and your bloody,

7:03Joanne McNally:dirty pots. It is. In the bin. It's my yogurt cartons. It's nothing to do with fossil fuels. It's me in the Lambeth area. It is. It is. It's me in the Lambeth area. I've started using coal again because it is you. It's not me. There's no point, yeah. So anyway, when I say it was great relief.

7:20Vogue Williams:Well, I'm really happy for you.

7:21Joanne McNally:Thank you. What has happened to me this week? I love that you actually checked on your way in.

7:25Vogue Williams:I know. And then Joanne said to me, she accused me of being a mom. And I was like, oh my God, I didn't think you saw me like that. But then actually I did come and look at your pins. Accused her. But you know what I mean? I don't want to be like, oh, there's that ma.

7:42Joanne McNally:No, I know. Oh, you're not a ma.

7:43Vogue Williams:No, I'm wearing like tiger tracers. I'm not a ma.

7:46Joanne McNally:You're a mother. I'm a mother. You're a milf. Oh, thank you. You're a yummy mummy. You're a Delulu lemon.

7:52Vogue Williams:I appreciate that. So, my week, what has been... Oh my God, I got you a present.

7:56Joanne McNally:Is it a Dyson Hoover? No. Is it a facial?

7:59Vogue Williams:You have a thousand Hoovers. Everywhere I look, there's a Hoover in the corner.

8:02Joanne McNally:Yeah, I love Hoover.

8:03Vogue Williams:Who, Jo, is that your coffee? Look how nice that looks.

8:05Joanne McNally:I did order large. Thank you so much. If Jo was listening from Jo and the Juice, I did order large. I don't know why they're so small. Is it just because they're in your hand?

8:13Vogue Williams:Are they actually large? It's actually a full pint. It's a full pint, yeah. That's two litres. Do you know Amber tries to slag my hands and I'm like, hang on a second. You're only five foot eight and you've got massive bloke hands and hers don't even look as feminine as mine.

8:27Joanne McNally:She's got a great body.

8:29Vogue Williams:Our tits are massive right now.

8:30Joanne McNally:So our iced coffees have just arrived. I am hosting my tits off this morning. I have three people downstairs, three women.

8:37Vogue Williams:How's it taken six weeks now? This is the first coffee I've been offered. Yeah, that's so shit.

8:42Joanne McNally:I have three women downstairs. And a dog. And a dog. And a mouse. There's a mouse in the house. Is there definitely a mouse? For Joe and Adam this morning. Really? A little mouse?

8:51Vogue Williams:Just one? Are you alright about mice? I don't mind mice at all now. It's directly underneath you. Oh, God. I know. The poor little shit's probably nervous.

8:58Joanne McNally:I don't really care. I should. I thought he'd moved out. I did have a suspicion he was here.

9:03Vogue Williams:He does sound like he's sort of nibbling stuff. So he probably does have to go because otherwise your house might catch him. Oh, God. I know, but it's not great. The problem is I wouldn't leave a poison because then he'll go somewhere and die and then there's the stench of dead mouse. That's the worst.

9:19Joanne McNally:I'm sorry to say I just did I ordered a couple of traps.

9:22Vogue Williams:Traps are better than poison because it's quick. It's just done.

9:26Joanne McNally:Mum, I said to my mum, she was like, I think I'm a mouse. She goes, don't tell anybody. Why? She's like, people will judge you.

9:33Vogue Williams:No, you live in London. Everyone has a mouse. If you don't have a mouse, it's weird. If you don't have rats and mice in London, like, hello.

9:40Joanne McNally:I live alone. I wouldn't mind the company. I'll leave him there for a while.

9:42Vogue Williams:It's the nice now I swear I hear it. It's the nice garden that you have. He sounds like

9:47Joanne McNally:he's typing down there, doesn't he? Yeah, he's doing this. He sounds like he's typing.

9:51Vogue Williams:You could have a pet mouse. I was offered a gerbil for the summer.

9:55Joanne McNally:No, a hamster. Is that the school? Do you remember when you were in school and they give you the hamster for the summer?

9:59Vogue Williams:Yeah, but it's somebody in the class's hamster that they're offering up and I'm like, I don't, I'm just worried about taking the hamster in case then the kids want a hamster and I don't want a full-time hamster.

10:08Joanne McNally:Do you do the hamster thing in Lambeth

10:09Vogue Williams:in County England? As in, I don't know if they still do it now in schools. I don't know if they do it now anymore. It was big. What do you mean do what? Theodore, or no, Otto has two bunnies, Fortnum and Mason.

10:22Joanne McNally:What, and they let them take them home?

10:23Vogue Williams:Well, I don't know what happens to the bunnies. I don't take the bunnies and they have turtles as well in the class. Do you mean in his class?

10:28Joanne McNally:In his class, yeah. Wow, oh my god, wow. They're nice bunnies, I have to say. We had acorns and one hamster that I'm pretty sure died every three weeks and was replaced.

10:42Joanne McNally:Sorry, park all this animal chat. I'm basically running a zoo. I have a chihuahua downstairs and a mace under the... I hear the mace. I definitely hear the mace. He's typing. He's working down there. Leave him off. He's working for now. Leave him off. Come here.

10:54Vogue Williams:She said she'd eat a present for me. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. So, in honour of not... No, I haven't got it yet. In honour of not ever being pregnant again, I had a body scan. this weekend. Yeah.

11:09Joanne McNally:Oh my God. Are you giving me your womb?

11:11Vogue Williams:Tits and all. I'm going to give you, like see that, that body over there. I'm going to give you one of my pregnant bodies and you can have that forever.

11:20Joanne McNally:Hold on. Hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry. I was, sorry. I was distracted by the noise of your man. I'm giving you a nude. Are you, are you having your body painted? No. Are you having your body turned into a pot?

11:33Vogue Williams:No, my body is being turned into, did I take a phone? I did take a phone. look I'll find them

11:38Joanne McNally:she was a lovely girl who was that will you google who was the was it Demi Moore or Demi Moore who did the pregnant oh and she was front of Vogue or Cosmo or RTU Guide no but wait

11:49Vogue Williams:Velvet and Fox they're in Ireland and they do a pregnancy sculpture it's a sculpture

11:55Joanne McNally:are you going on the front of the RTU Guide is that what you're saying no I'm just getting one for your house for you I would be and you can be like there's Vogue is it going to be actually you though because it's me and I thought I'll get two one for Joanne I'd honestly love that. Honestly. Joe, do you want one? Look.

12:11Vogue Williams:It's a sculpt. I think Joe's wife might be a bit freaked out if he arrives home with a pregnancy statue of me. It's good that you want it because in a way, if you didn't, it's sort of like unsolicited nudes, isn't it? It's like... Yeah. I didn't consent. I honestly was getting it done and I thought to myself, do I not like that? I actually would. Can I have a yellow one? You can have the... No, it has to be bronze, black or white. Maybe black?

12:35Joanne McNally:White. Sorry I'm delighted for you That you're documenting Your last pregnancy Well because it's the last one

12:40Vogue Williams:Yeah I'm just making sure Like this is the nail in the coffin It's the last one It's not happening again

12:44Joanne McNally:You haven't really acknowledged The fact that I asked If you were going nude On the front of the ORT you got it

12:48Vogue Williams:As soon as they asked me to I'm going full nude yeah

12:49Joanne McNally:Thank you Just with a leaf over the front Yeah thank you Just you and the fair city Fucking storylines down the side I can't wait

12:58Vogue Williams:I'm doing a Hello Mag shoot Like the TV Times But for Ireland I'm imagining I'm doing the Hello Mag shoot And they've asked if I'll go nude Are you doing hello? No, I'm not. Why don't you do it? You're going to Wimbledon with them today now. I don't think. Are you going to Wimbledon? I'm going to Wimbledon today. And Harry Styles is today. Harry Styles is today. And who is, are you sure you're able for that?

13:16Joanne McNally:No, I'm not. I'm going to have to come home after Wimbledon, have a little nap and then go back into Harry Styles because I want to see Shania as well. So it's going to be a very early start for me.

13:23Vogue Williams:So who's going to all these things?

13:26Joanne McNally:So Sophie's coming to Wimbledon with me.

13:28Vogue Williams:Yeah.

13:29Joanne McNally:I'm going with Hello Mag, like we did before. And then.

13:32Vogue Williams:Are you going into that nice area or no?

13:34Joanne McNally:Yes, going into the nice area. Yeah, yeah. I'm a posh bitch now. I'm posh. Don't tell them about the mouse. Where are the bins? Where are the bins?

13:43Vogue Williams:Don't tell them about the mouse and the bins.

13:45Joanne McNally:That's why I have a mouse, Jo. Because they haven't collected your bins. Because they wouldn't collect the bins. It's not your fault.

13:50Vogue Williams:Listen, they were cardboard bins. It's nothing to do with the mouse. It's not your fault. It's your garden. You never close your door. It's your garden. You're going to have birds in here as well soon. I saw a girl and there was a pigeon in her house when she woke up because she'd left the windows open because it was too hot

14:05Joanne McNally:I'd love a pigeon do you remember I came back from the States and the two pigeons were riding out the back in the old apartment and your man I only knew they were there because the male pigeon starts clapping after he comes do you remember that I was like what is that noise and he was like and she was just lying there looking at him and I was like this is a terrible woman and they clap after they've sexed the pigeons and then as soon as they knew I was home they legged it they moved out I was like Jesus you should

14:31Vogue Williams:have you ever seen hyenas I told Amber about hyenas female hyenas basically have what looks like a giant flaccid penis that just like hangs around and flaps around the place and that's where the male hyena has sex and then it's meant to be the most painful birth because then the female hyena gives birth through this long tube god they're not great looking animals are they?

14:54Joanne McNally:I don't need to fact check

14:55Vogue Williams:no I swear to god It's okay, it's okay. We believe you fact check that. The only person that needs to be fact checked in this room is you.

15:01Joanne McNally:Fact check, fact check, fact check. You don't even know how to do your own bins. Fact check what she just said there about me.

15:05Vogue Williams:People keep spitting on me this week.

15:11Spitting?

15:12Joanne McNally:It's like for luck?

15:13Vogue Williams:No. So I was at the races on Sunday and I was standing there and it was really windy and someone was trying to put my hair down. And she goes, do you mind? Someone was trying to.

15:21Joanne McNally:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

15:23Vogue Williams:And tried to wipe my head. And I was like, no, no, no.

15:25Joanne McNally:Yeah.

15:25Vogue Williams:I don't think that you know me. I don't even share drinks I cannot bear any spit from anyone near me particularly not on my head

15:33Joanne McNally:yeah I'm going to ask you're my mother no

15:34Vogue Williams:no not even my mother I don't want anyone spitting my head and then Svenny tried to do it to me yesterday I'm like why is everyone spitting on me this week he is your husband

15:43Joanne McNally:I mean I'm not one to I don't want to

15:45Vogue Williams:so I have to go around with someone's smelly spit hair

15:47Joanne McNally:I remember Nicky who's actually downstairs who I do I'm just be occupied with I was doing a photo shoot and I'm like full you know full glam and everything and I had a little like fly away and Nicky the same thing she licked her fingers and tried to pat down my pat down my hair and I was like Nicky no I've gotten glam but she's a mom like you

16:09Vogue Williams:it's an instinct I don't spit in people's heads I just think it's wrong and your spit smells I'm actually going to Wimbledon next week so it's not a competition and I'm going to it is actually Wimbledon is a competition but we are actually yeah

16:24Joanne McNally:who's playing Joanne today who are you going to see I knew you'd do this to me I knew you'd do this and so I'm not taking the bait Tennis is playing That's what's playing And I'm going to watch the tennis

16:33Vogue Williams:How much tennis are you going to watch? I'm so excited I'm going to watch all of us

16:37Joanne McNally:You must love

16:38Vogue Williams:I saw you post about Naomi Osaka and her outfits which are so cool Naomi

16:42Joanne McNally:What's her name? Naomi Osaka Naomi Osaka Look at her outfit It's insane And Serena Williams is back I know

16:48Vogue Williams:Why is Serena Williams back?

16:50Joanne McNally:Well I guess because she's like one of the best tennis players in the world She just Like do you think that she should be

16:55Vogue Williams:no but I just thought like I just thought she'd be like right I'm done now I've done my tennising

17:00Joanne McNally:I know but she's like I think there's some people who will kind of give up when they feel they've enough money and they're ready to do it and there's other people who will work until they'll work you will work yourself into the grave

17:11Vogue Williams:oh I'll be happily so well no I won't be there'll be more holidays you'll be collabing on your deathbed I'll be fitting in some more holidays

17:18Joanne McNally:you're like Dua Lipa no one goes on holidays more than you

17:23Vogue Williams:and I don't even get offended when people are like She's on holidays again I'm like yeah I know But I also I worked to go on holidays Let me get her now too Google who's playing today

17:32Joanne McNally:Will you

17:32Vogue Williams:There's an Italian guy Called Sinner

17:34Joanne McNally:I love him Sinner

17:36Vogue Williams:Do you yeah

17:36Joanne McNally:Yeah Is he in the main court Did you see who was Is he centre court Fantastic Did you see who was playing Sorry did you see Sorry I didn't talk to you But I'm sorry now Yeah I know

17:45Vogue Williams:Who was in the royal box

17:47Joanne McNally:Did you see David Beckham Catching the tennis ball With one hand

17:51Vogue Williams:No I saw I did see David Beckham In the royal box So

17:54Joanne McNally:yeah he was in the royal box someone hit the ball up obviously one of the players I'm assuming and he put his hand up and he was caught it with one I was like fuck off take a day off will you take a day off

18:04Vogue Williams:supposedly David Beckham is becoming really loved by the younger gang now it's not just it's not our generation anymore he's got cool kids now he's got cool kids yeah but like I fancy him yeah all the younger people fancy David Beckham now and I just think do you know what back off right

18:17Joanne McNally:he's pickled like he hasn't did you see him she's the same she has an age she is like I don't know like she is I mean that's Who?

18:24Vogue Williams:Oh Victoria They just

18:26Joanne McNally:The two of them They're rights They know they are They know their rights

18:29Vogue Williams:Here's a story I heard That's probably complete bullshit But like I'll say it anyway Supposedly David and Victoria Were nearly breaking up At one point And David was a bit naughty And she was also naughty Supposedly Are we going down this route? Well this is

18:43Joanne McNally:I'm sorry Victoria If you're listening I want nothing to do with this I want nothing to do with this I do feel I'm going to meet her one day And I'm sorry I do feel like we are going to get on and I don't want to be brought down with you talking about their marriage. So Victoria, if you're listening, I have nothing to do with this. Victoria won't want to touch you off. You've got a mouse in your house.

19:00Vogue Williams:You've got a mouse in your house. She's not going to want to be around you.

19:06Joanne McNally:Sorry, she listens to Cotswolds, okay? I think she's very used to animals.

19:09Vogue Williams:Look how lovey and dovey they are all the time now. It's like they have rekindled their relationship. It's like they're going back to being teenagers.

19:16Joanne McNally:They do have a bang of makeup sex off them at all times, don't they? Yeah. And I love her and I love, both of them equally. Yeah, I love them too. I was, oh yeah, speaking of makeup sex, segue, you know the way my steno's turned into seven girthy fat dreads and I had to go in and be sheared.

19:35Vogue Williams:You look like you still have them in your hair. I feel bald after it. I feel really, you literally have enough for three people's hair in your head.

19:41Joanne McNally:I feel really bald. I'm full of shame.

19:43Vogue Williams:I actually think you should be off the monoxidil. You've got too much hair.

19:46Joanne McNally:The monoxidil's for the hairline.

19:47Vogue Williams:Okay.

19:48Joanne McNally:Because unlike Leandre's

19:52Vogue Williams:there he is again

19:54Joanne McNally:did you see they adopted a dog unlikely Andrews I can't grow my hairline back by doing hard time in a Dubai prison

20:01Vogue Williams:I could sort that out for you if you wanted

20:02Joanne McNally:are we allowed or are we not talking about it

20:04Vogue Williams:what do you want to say about it let's make money out of it she has to pay each of us 10 quid if she wants to talk about it pay for parking this place is a fucking rip off

20:16Joanne McNally:I know I sent you that message I had a handyman in the other day doing some bits and bobs I told you he sent me the bill and I was like god that's kind of spicy so I looked at it £70 parking £70

20:27Vogue Williams:I had to pay 20 quid why do you think I'm always cycling up here now I refuse to do it I don't mind paying money for something but it's not worth 20 quid I'm not in the middle of Soho

20:43Vogue Williams:so when I tell you what I'm doing this week I haven't told you I'm going to the Grand Prix on Saturday and then I'm going to Wimbledon I'm doing loads of day events

20:51Joanne McNally:Lovely

20:51Vogue Williams:Well now I'm only going to qualifying Because it's Shishi's birthday I forgot I've everything organised for Sunday I'm doing a party for her And I forgot And I'd booked to go to the Grand Prix on Sunday And then Svenny was like Are we not meant to be at Shishi's party? And I was like You are correct So what? Have you cancelled the party? Cancelled the party? Yeah Cancelled Shishi's No I did not cancel the party Kids are great Because they don't know when their birthday is I did not cancel the party I've organised There's someone going to do hair braids and everything No I could come and bring the mouse

21:18Joanne McNally:Like a petting area And we have a little circus with Joanne. Yeah, I'll bring the mouse and the chihuahua downstairs. Yeah, I'll bring the animal. You are? I've invited you. I'll bring the animal. Did you? I didn't see any invite coming in.

21:28Vogue Williams:I did invite you. On the podcast. On the podcast, yeah. I didn't see any invite coming in. Would you get lost? We don't do it. It's paperless post.

21:34Joanne McNally:Do you remember the old school? Do you remember the, oh my God, do you remember you going to school and you'd get the little birthday invites and they'd be all the fancy paper. Oh, it was so cute. And then your mum would put it on the fridge and then you'd go to the party and you'd bring a present and you'd get it And you get a party bag at the end full of like shit.

21:51Vogue Williams:I don't do party bags. I've said that before. I don't do them. God, you're very tight. No, it's not about being tight. I give a full big gift.

21:58Joanne McNally:Bare by Vogue. She's like, bare by Vogue for all the kids.

22:01Vogue Williams:Now with the serum, don't forget to wash your hands after. No, I give a gift because I buy them one gift each. So they're all going home with like a potion making set. So they have one thing instead of like a paper airplane. and a lollipop and stuff that they won't actually use. I give them one present each that they all get to take home. And because it's 30 degrees, I'm getting buckets of water. I have these big boxes that I'm going to fill up with water and I've bought water guns so they can all have a water gun fight at the end.

22:33Joanne McNally:You're going to waterboard the kids for the afternoon. I'd go to that. I'd go to that for the potion and the waterboarding.

22:37Vogue Williams:I want you to come towards the end. I'll have to order.

22:39Joanne McNally:I am actually free on Saturday.

22:41Vogue Williams:No, it's on Sunday.

22:44Joanne McNally:I believe I am also free on Sunday.

22:45Vogue Williams:Come on Sunday. there's going to be champagne and wine I think you might be free on Sunday

22:50Joanne McNally:I'm free on Sunday I do love a little glass of champagne on Sunday and I will want my potion at the end

22:58Vogue Williams:I will get you a new box of potion I've also, do you know what else I've been doing this week? I'm turning into a vigilante, I'm going to stop it's happened again

23:06Joanne McNally:are you complaining, what are you doing?

23:08Vogue Williams:no, I'm just turning into one of those people like I'm going to start setting up a bike and going around filming people on their phones and their cars soon because I'm going too far I'm actually going to get a slap in the face I think soon. I was basically walking back from the kids school again and this girl but she was like 16 or 17 and she just threw two pieces of rubbish and I was like and I was like excuse me will you pick up your rubbish there that's not a bin.

23:34Joanne McNally:Maybe she's in the Lambeth County Council and she's trying to get rid of the shit that they won't go out even though she's paying her council tax.

23:40Vogue Williams:She was like no and she kept walking on and I was like okay cool I'm just gonna go to your school with you then and then I'll tell your principal that you threw the rubbish there Hold on, hold on, hold on, what age was this person? 16 or 17

23:52Joanne McNally:And she was in a uniform And she was near the school area

23:57Vogue Williams:So I was like okay cool I'll just go to your school and tell your principal that you're just littering on the road

24:01Joanne McNally:I love how you open today's podcast I'm not a normal mum I'm like a cool mum

24:07Vogue Williams:This is more like a vigilante thing I've started But then I was like and Svenny was like well she's just gonna do it anyway and I was like but she won't because now I've embarrassed her in front of her friends telling her to pick up her rubbish and she's had to and then I made it like is she trying to kidnap you? I thought I fucking am not. She's trying to kidnap you? I was like no thank you pal. Is she trying to kidnap you? Were you in a bar? Were you wearing your bar of clava? I wasn't even near her. I was like 10 meters away from her and then she said no she's not trying to kidnap me and I was like I wouldn't want to kidnap you.

24:39Vogue Williams:You're a letter book. Yeah. I've already taken this too far. Yeah, but I was thinking to myself, I'm going to be one of those people that will eventually get a dig off someone. I will, won't I?

24:49Joanne McNally:I have a friend, they have a real bee in their bonnet about 4x4s. Because they think that they're not necessary, you know, unless you're driving over land in Scotland. You don't need a 4x4.

25:00Vogue Williams:It's probably true, but has she ever seen a Defender? They look really nice.

25:04Joanne McNally:Well, she has seen a Defender, yes.

25:05Vogue Williams:I'd love to have a Defender.

25:07Joanne McNally:Her vigilante vibe is, she emails, I think she leaves notes. She leaves notes on 4x4 windows. No, she doesn't. I think she does. That's hilarious. And she has an email. I'm out of the council and say if they're parked. Sorry, when did this podcast turn into a neighbourhood WhatsApp group?

25:28Vogue Williams:Just a couple of weeks ago. You did it. You did it with the bins. Yeah. By the way, we never mentioned that Bad Bunny was in Wimbledon. Wimbledon.

25:38Joanne McNally:Okay, so you know that I'm going to Wimbledon. Do you remember that? Are you? Do you remember going to Wimbledon? and I used to be a publicist. I used to be a publicist. You know, they're my things. Did you used to work in a hotel? I used to work in a hotel. Thanks for asking Jo, I was English and sociology and yes, I did come first in my year. Thank you. You spent a long time to be good. no need, no need for that. No need for the adults. Wimbledon, so remember last year when we went and I passed. Oh my God, what are you wearing? There you go. There you go. What are you wearing? I got grief last year because I wasn't dressed appropriately for Wimbledon and I'd just come back from Glastonbury and I was hanging out of a handbag and I wore a mini skirt and like platform heels and I looked, I was a little emaciated because we'd obviously walked 60 billion steps over the weekend and of course Pat was like, please, please, next year, like get your shit together, like you need to wear a long A-line, you need to wear something a bit more glam.

26:33Joanne McNally:Anyway, I hadn't thought about Wimbledon because I was just busy and then I was like, oh shit, Wimbledon, I've nothing, I tried to order something off ASOS. Anyway, I'm going this year, the skirt's even shorter I have it upstairs it's green though and I thought that's sporty yeah I'm going even shorter this year

26:47Vogue Williams:I was trying on my Wimbledon outfits yesterday and then I was dressed a bit like a tennis ball so I'm not wearing that but I could have brought you a really cool two piece we could have just both won the same thing but I just feel like

26:56Joanne McNally:I'd look like someone who's got their mother's wardrobe it's a Serena boot right anyway my point is that you're just I can't wait to show you you're going slaggy again I'm going to I'm even slaggy this year at Wimbledon yeah and I can't wait for you to see my little slaggy outfit

27:11Vogue Williams:wearing a bikini made of tennis balls. Like Lizzie Cundy at Ascot when she got turned away because she wasn't wearing the appropriate clothing. There would be no funnier moment.

27:20Joanne McNally:I'm wearing a bikini, two half of tennis balls and then the contaminated sticker from the bins over my vag. Perfect. Actually, that will look really well.

27:29Vogue Williams:You'll get invited into the Royal Box.

27:30Joanne McNally:I'm going to hit centre course.

27:31Vogue Williams:Are you going to the Royal Box? I wouldn't engage with the Royals.

27:34Joanne McNally:Or their boxes. Or their boxes. I wasn't invited. I actually don't think I would go in there, you know. Oh, I'm going to the Royal Box. I got invited I had to some royal event the other day and I was like, no. No. I'm Irish. In the Lambeth area.

27:48Vogue Williams:What royal event? I'm not going to the royal box, Jo. Cut that out. What? Because Johan didn't take the bait.

27:56Joanne McNally:Because you, oh yeah. Well, it wouldn't surprise me if you were going to the royal box. I'm not a royal, Johan.

28:02Vogue Williams:No, no. She is trying to make me unrelatable again, Jo. I won't have it. No. Not when she sits on this plot of land. Joanne owns the Lambeth area she doesn't just

28:16Joanne McNally:Lady Lambeth everyone knows that's my name Lady Lambeth Lady Lambeth so this is what I wanted to say so I did a podcast actually you know Kane Brown and Christopher Savage do a podcast called The Rated Show right and I went in as a guest it was ages ago I filmed it and they've just released it but one of the clips they were like would you mind and I was kind of like I was like oh I don't really know if I want that clipped up but I was like yeah fuck it go on but the clip was me talking about money and I was so awkward about it did you see it? No because you don't pay attention to anything I do I see your fucking stories all the time I've not seen it yet

28:52Vogue Williams:but that doesn't mean I'm not going to see it

28:54Joanne McNally:so we were having a wider conversation about dating and comedy

28:58Vogue Williams:oh and you were talking about going to pay the bill yes yes I did see it you did see it yes thank you so much

29:03Joanne McNally:and I was saying that money's funny money is funny and I know we always tease you about having billions of it and stuff and I was obviously came from like mushrooms coming out of my toilet etc blah blah blah but obviously now I make I have an income and I was saying that when I go on dates with lads that assume I kind of I'm earning more now the reason I assume that is because I date like normal lads do you know what I mean like I'm not dating like crypto bros like I'm not doing that and I was saying that when the so when I feel guilty at getting them to pay so then I end up paying on the sly and then I lose all respect for them and the lads were like pissing themselves.

29:39Joanne McNally:I thought it was hilarious because they were like that's not his fault. And I was like I know but I was so weird about it because I was like do you know when you're like I just don't want to sound like a dick? I don't know just like it felt like kind of crass or whatever and they were like no no no it's fine it's grand it's funny or whatever and I was like it's more so that I was just like mortified to admit that I have an income. Do you know what I mean? I'm like what's that about? Because I'm a woman? I don't know it was like I had to do some self reflection on it. I think next time I had to give it space I had to give it space I was like why am I so uncomfortable with this this video do you know what I think I think I feel bad for always slagging you about having money

30:17Vogue Williams:oh thank you so it's an apology

30:18Joanne McNally:I think it was I think it's an apology

30:20Vogue Williams:thank you

30:20Joanne McNally:yeah because I always I yeah I always enjoyed being the underdog and I and I remain to be the underdog and I know I always will be but I was I'm sorry I'm always slagging you about being loud

30:32Vogue Williams:I think that is kind of fair enough it's Spenny thank god Spenny's the one that drags me down with that accent for God's sake.

30:38Joanne McNally:He is. He's quite the peasant.

30:40Vogue Williams:I'm telling you about a wine crime. A crime against wine. And you love wine.

30:44Joanne McNally:I do love wine.

30:45Vogue Williams:This is, okay. So there was a woman, right? What's not to love? She was on a one-year contract with a winery in Spain.

30:51Joanne McNally:Is this the woman who gorilla glued her fellas ass together?

30:55Vogue Williams:No, I checked that. That was unfortunately a...

30:58Joanne McNally:I know. The robots, they're fucking ruining it.

31:01Vogue Williams:I know. Honestly, and it was such a good story, wasn't it? Sometimes I think it's better not to check. Oh my God, we could get so much out of that. Yeah I know but people our listeners mail in and they say that that's wrong. So no this is right I've checked it. So she was working at a winery in Spain and they didn't renew her contract. They didn't fire her but she worked there for a year and it was just one of those contracts that it wasn't permanent. Politely

31:24Joanne McNally:you're not coming back. So she snuck

31:25Vogue Williams:into the winery and destroyed 2.7 million dollars worth of wine. She was, she basically opened you know the big wine vats. Huge wine vats. So she just opened. She got through three of them. She was trying to do all five. Opened it and all the wine just went to the ground.

31:43Joanne McNally:She should have. I'm sorry now. I accept what you're telling me but she should have just urinated in the mall and let them bottle it and sell it. That would have been much better revenge.

31:52Vogue Williams:I don't know because she's lost them nearly three. They would have sold it for three million dollars all that wine. I know.

31:59Joanne McNally:Well I was working recently working with Cassie. got it at a lab house. And they're a gorgeous wine, rosé.

32:05Vogue Williams:I should have actually got them to send some for the party. Yeah, I'd say Gigi would love

32:09Joanne McNally:a rosé. She's almost a rose.

32:10Vogue Williams:Yeah, her friends are really into rosé. They like the soft notes of a rosé. I'd say she's going to be a Negroni gal.

32:22Vogue Williams:Another story that I have for you is about mushrooms. Okay. Joe's worried. Scientists have proven that magic mushrooms reverse cellular aging by 57%.

32:33Joanne McNally:Sorry, did I not tell you about the one with dementia? Scientists, Joe. Somebody who has dementia has dementia. Is this the story you're talking about?

32:41Vogue Williams:No, this is a different story about aging. How magic mushrooms actually reduce cellular aging, Joe's freaked. It's true, Joe. That's what the scientists said.

32:49Joanne McNally:Joe, come on now. Mushrooms. Don't take drugs.

32:51Vogue Williams:She's not saying gear. Certainly don't take mushrooms from the forest.

32:56Joanne McNally:Are we even calling mushrooms drugs?

32:59Vogue Williams:They're a vegetable. they're one of our five a day they're classified drugs so they exposed human cells to psilocybin and they found that the cells slower slowed down in their cellular aging less inflammation so I think that we will all be I did some benefits benefits of magic mushrooms number one before she says any of this in England at least they are class A drugs

33:24Joanne McNally:well I'm in charge of Lambeth and I've legalized them here Lady Lambeth said it's fine. Yeah. Lady Lambeth. I have a vegetable patch out the back full of shrimps. Yeah. They're free. You can pick them. A load of neighbours licking their cheeks. You can face up to seven

33:37Vogue Williams:years in prison for picking a mushroom. For possession. That is ridiculous. Okay. Number one benefit of magic mushrooms. It's not cocaine. Cocaine is a bad drug. That's a really good point. I think that's something we can all agree on. Yes. Cocaine is a bad drug. Like all drugs. Number two, it's a vegetable. So it's part of your five a day. Number three, the effects wear off. Don't say anything bad about coke.

33:56Joanne McNally:We might do a collab at some point. fuck's sake we might want to work with them at some point don't you think about it I've been very careful if the coke industry comes to us and the money's right you know

34:10Vogue Williams:but when you look

34:10Joanne McNally:at magic mushrooms people use them within therapy and there was a woman who had dementia Alzheimer's I guess and she hadn't said she was non-verbal for several years and they put her on the shrimps I mean the ethics I don't know the ethics are none of my business I read some articles and she started speaking now I'm not going to say she kind of snapped back to life. But her cognition came back to a certain degree. What are your other points? That was it. There was just three.

34:36Vogue Williams:But what I will tell you about shrooms is the drug resets part of the brain associated with depression allowing neurons to form new healthier connections. Reduced anxiety. So some people do what's it called micro dosing. And it helps with their anxiety.

34:51Joanne McNally:Yeah I can't I would be up for that. Would you be up for that?

34:54Vogue Williams:Now I have read stories about mom groups. Now I'm not in any mom groups that are doing shrooms together. Did you never read that? No. Jo, I have read stories about that where moms are basically going out and doing shrooms together. Don't blame them.

35:06Joanne McNally:Life can be very repetitive. There's any ways.

35:09Vogue Williams:So I think that we should actually get out to that baby group down the road. There's a baby cafe down the road

35:13Joanne McNally:where they just serve babies all day. I went in, I tried to get a nice latte and they're like, this is a baby shop for babies. And I was like, well, okay. They actually did give me a nice latte but it was very clear I wasn't welcome back.

35:23Vogue Williams:Did the 17 buggies not give it away? No. I just walked straight in. I was like, oh, I used to be. That's why when I drove by that day, I was like, oh, no, I'm just not like I'm not. I'm not a mom mom like that. Yeah.

35:33Joanne McNally:But I actually did used to go to all those kind of things. The buggy farms. Isn't that what they called them at the front? The pantos rife with them at Christmas. Yeah. Miles and miles of buggy farms. The woman with Alzheimer's did start talking again. It's in the New Scientist.

35:46Vogue Williams:She also had urinary incontinence and regained the control of her bladder. Because of shrooms. Apparently because of. That's unbelievable. Psilocybin.

35:57Joanne McNally:Psilocybin Unbelievable Well I'm sorry You know I have a weak pelvic floor So I am claiming medical reasons Well I am literally I am

36:05Vogue Williams:Medical professional Never take anything without the advice of a medical professional I'm up two or three times a night doing wheeze now With this pregnancy so

36:14Joanne McNally:Chat GBT there Jo Start nibbling on my vegetable patch out the back You'll never piss again Sorry I'm telling you now I've been talking about this for ages before 2027 begins I am going to have done ayahuasca

36:34Vogue Williams:I'm not going to tell you when I'm doing it

36:37Joanne McNally:but you will know because I will be a completely different person and I may be wearing a crucifix

36:41Vogue Williams:It doesn't last I had one of Sven's friend who used to go out and do ayahuasca and he came back to our house full of kids with a fucking book and he sat on our cage and started reading a book and his voice had gone down to a whisper so now he spoke like this and he was so chilled out from ayahuasca and then he went on an absolute bender like two weeks later

37:00Joanne McNally:yeah a lot of addicts go in because it does kind of they're looking for a bit of a reset yeah yeah but I'm not going in for addiction reasons I'm going in to have my horizons broadened are you going to go here or go abroad I feel like I could go in the Lambeth area there are there are just Lady Lambeth get a discount

37:17Vogue Williams:you can get a just Lady Lambeth get a discount I assume so

37:23Joanne McNally:me and the bin men tripping balls out the garden

37:26Vogue Williams:that is a surefire where to have them on your side yeah

37:29Joanne McNally:they don't look like good time guys they're not party boys they're not party boys

37:33Vogue Williams:no

37:33Joanne McNally:no you know so are you actually going to do ayahuasca this summer why are you saying ayahuasca do you know something I don't know what are you calling it ayahuasca I mean this is probably a surefire side

37:45Vogue Williams:I love cleaning as you know so

37:46Joanne McNally:you love what

37:47Vogue Williams:cleaning as you know so I call everything that I can ayahuasca

37:51Joanne McNally:I think it's going to be I'm going to broaden my horizons you can do it in the UK you can do it in Ireland you got a shaman but I think if I'm going to do it I might as well go large and go into the Amazon

38:00Vogue Williams:are you going to do like a group though and then you have to be surrounded by everyone vomiting and chitting I couldn't I couldn't stand it as an ex-beliemic

38:08Joanne McNally:I don't think that's going to bother me like the old days oh the glory days oh my god I'm telling you now the memories

38:14Vogue Williams:it's unlocking core memories

38:18Joanne McNally:oh the golden years I'm very excited

38:22Vogue Williams:Joanna's cancelled her holiday in Spain with me And now I know why

38:25Joanne McNally:I'm not going anywhere until August I'm going to go and do Ayahuasca In August And I'm telling you now

38:33Vogue Williams:Costa Rica has a good spot to do And I'll expense it

38:39Joanne McNally:How are you going to expense that Because I'll do an Instagram story from Costa Rica That's all you have to do then And I'll write it off Wherever the stuff goes And you'll write it off into the thing

38:48Vogue Williams:wait till you see me when I come back we have the same occasion now you're not gonna get away with that

38:54Joanne McNally:he's no crack is he I was like I'm writing it off I remember there was a clip in Schitt's Creek where David was talking about writing stuff off and his dad was like do you know what that means and I was like I've never felt more seen I say write it off by seven times a day I haven't a clue what I'm talking about like what am I writing what's off where is it going mostly just writing things off really what are you doing once it's said you can't unsay it and it's written and it's off and that's it no one can argue with that like do you know what I mean and I hope the revenue is listening to this because I've written it all off and there's nothing you can do about it well there's a lot of things that they can do about it sadly yeah they're like you can do three to five years that's what you can do I'm telling you I was very I really clearly wrote it off huh

39:46Joanne McNally:someone messes you there go you ever gonna write that book i said i don't time to write the book because i'm writing things off excuse me i'm going to wimbledon followed by harry styles

39:54Vogue Williams:i'm writing things off did i tell you i might be going to wilderness to see carl cox does carl know this i don't fancy carl i just think he's so cool he is really cool even tea thinks he's cool he comes in from school he's like can i see that man going onto the stage when he does his shoulder. You know what? Because I've been watching it so much. Have you not seen him go on stage? No. Oh my God, it's so cool. Everyone's like, God.

40:22Joanne McNally:Are you going to go to Wilderness?

40:23Vogue Williams:I think I'm going to go down and back in one day, but I only fly home from Spain that day. It's a lot to be thinking of, but I think I might go down and back.

40:30Joanne McNally:Joe, I wouldn't mind going to Wilderness. Yeah, I don't remember seeing the text about that. Okay, guys, I'll actually finish my sentence there. Also, say what you want, but I did not get an invite for Gigi's party. no I was busy writing things off but I would have noticed that we can go back to that in the podcast that you did

40:46Vogue Williams:and Jo you can obviously come with your kids if you want but like no one wants to go to kids parties

40:51Joanne McNally:is it a drop off I know this from Motherland is it a drop off I like a drop off is it a drop off it's not full drop off because it's in the car

40:59Vogue Williams:it's in the park it's not full drop off

41:01Joanne McNally:semi drop off

41:04Vogue Williams:I was up last night and I was like Jesus Christ have I told everyone the right day have I told everyone and I was like, oh, fuck, there's a dairy-free. There's a dairy-free!

41:12Joanne McNally:Child.

41:13Vogue Williams:Yeah, so you've got to, yeah, I've got to organise some dairy-free bits.

41:17Joanne McNally:So what was it? What was it? What was your mother pumping out milk? Do you want to see it at the table,

41:21Vogue Williams:like with the kids? Are you coming full on for the whole day? Are you going to do your little arches? No, no, no, I'll be writing things off,

41:25Joanne McNally:so I'll just nip in and nip out. Do you think I can write the party off?

41:35Joanne McNally:I'll just do an Insta story with you. I'm not, no, we're going to get looked at.

41:38Vogue Williams:What's that called? Investigators. I'm not writing anything off. It's her.

41:42Joanne McNally:She's flying out writing everything. She's a pen and every hand and her toes.

41:47Vogue Williams:Look at her. Wesley Snipes went to jail for like 20 years or something.

41:50Joanne McNally:He obviously didn't write it off properly because I'm.

41:53Vogue Williams:OJ Simpson got away with murder, but he didn't get away with writing stuff off. That's what he went down for.

41:57Joanne McNally:They always get the mafia on the tax in the end, don't they? Yeah. Yeah. So there you go. Good job, everybody. That's mad. I could kill somebody and get away with it. but if I write stuff off Big trouble I wouldn't be writing stuff off Maybe bleep all that out Yeah

42:14Joanne McNally:So you're coming to Gigi's party on Sunday Grant Yes and then as you know it's a big day for me

42:19Vogue Williams:Oh we have our watching party

42:20Joanne McNally:We have our watching party Unacceptable the new panel show on TLC with me Ed Gamble and Richard Iwaddy starts this Sunday on TLC at 9pm

42:29Vogue Williams:We should all be watching we're very excited Well

42:31Joanne McNally:we had the screening last night

42:35Vogue Williams:Thanks for the invite by the way Did you get an invite for that? Yeah, I didn't see the text for that. Did you see how many people were at the screening? It was in a full cinema. It was everyone, yeah. Yeah, there was hundreds of people at it, actually.

42:43Joanne McNally:You know, where's your press pass? Where's your press pass?

42:46Vogue Williams:Don't worry. No, it's okay, Joanne. I don't want to host it. That's just what I do for my job. That's fine. You hate us.

42:51Joanne McNally:Do you know what I really hate? Free champagne.

42:53Vogue Williams:I can't bear it, actually, Jo.

42:55Joanne McNally:I hate it. I can't bear it. Sorry, I don't want to... Can't stand a special night out. No. It was a work event. I don't want to put the pressure on either of you

43:06Joanne McNally:We did have a great time. And then Richard has very cleverly... Did he not get us that either? He's not in his contract. He just doesn't do any brands. Fair play. Now, I actually like to impress. I don't mind it. But yeah, he's like... He actually said to me recently because I was kind of like teasing him about it. And I was like, Jesus, I haven't seen you. And I had a glue to the hip. We were on everything going. And he went, I'm just so bad at it. I will end up telling people not to watch it. I was like, I will end up talking people out of watching it. And I was like, fine, fair enough. And he's great.

43:33Vogue Williams:Well, if you don't invite me again, that's exactly what I'm going to do. Well, you're invited to be. I'm going to put it up on my Instagram. I'm actually going to main page it. I won't even put it on stories. It will be a main page post telling people exactly what I think of you. I'm quite nervous about it. That's going to be brilliant.

43:48Joanne McNally:Oh, well, that fixes that. Thanks, Jo. You should chill about it. It's stopped feeling now. That's not how feelings work, Jo.

43:54Vogue Williams:Well, I'm anxious and Svenny says, don't be anxious. I'm like, okay.

43:57Joanne McNally:Oh, great, thanks. Why didn't I think of that? Perfect. I thought this was my only option. I didn't realise I could just not feel like this. you should go into therapy anyway unacceptable this Sunday on TLC I'm really excited to watch that well done congratulations thanks comedians discuss unacceptable opinions that's all I have

44:17Vogue Williams:this has been a global production