In short
The hosts banter about viral celebrity abuse (especially Meghan Markle), COVID nostalgia, and then pivot into “Mad Frogs” wordplay, dating/height-surgery rumors, and a newsy discussion of the plague returning (pneumonic plague) after a South Lake Tahoe resident tested positive; they also riff on grave extravagance (a gold coffin for Frank Thompson) and vaccine attitudes.
Guests
No guests appear as interviewees. The episode features the hosts only (Joanne/“Jo” and Vogue/“Vogue”), plus recurring references to friends/figures (e.g., Davina Devine, DJ Maria, Samantha Mumba).
Key claims
Meghan Markle is “overly abused” online but likely benefits from traffic; plague is “back” via re-emerging diseases; height surgery is being done in Turkey (men lengthen, women shorten) and could inspire a dating show; smallpox is the only disease fully eradicated.
Notable examples
Samantha Mumba performing at a birthday; Will Smith releasing “weird songs”; Frank Thompson’s six-figure gold coffin and Rolls Royce farewell tour; plague symptoms (fever, chills, weakness, headache) and “blackened skin/tissue” discussion.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOStruggles with Content Creation
0:45 to 2:00
Discussing the challenges of making videos and using editing apps.
“piss in your parade but I did get a C in the junior so I suppose I might as well use that muscle Kopenka Kopenka is that Thai?”
Meghan Markle's Public Image
2:00 to 4:00
Exploring the excessive criticism faced by Meghan Markle.
“You know when someone reshared, you know when someone, like a video goes, like proper viral, like just, you know, virality beyond the normal virality.”
Celebrity Parodies and Viral Content
4:00 to 6:00
Hosts share thoughts on a comedian's parody of Meghan Markle.
“I might start watching that woman again tonight.”
Reflections on Viral Trends
6:00 to 8:00
Discussing the lifecycle of viral videos and their lasting impact.
“Well, yeah, once I see Joe doing it, I'm like, school's out for summer.”
Bank Holidays and Time Off
8:00 to 10:00
A lighthearted conversation about missing bank holidays and personal experiences.
“And you reposed it twice saying you missed it.”
Health Updates and COVID Conversations
10:00 to 12:00
Shares health updates and revisits past discussions about COVID-19.
“Do you remember when I told you about her going to the Peter Kay gig?”
Recollections of Past Social Interactions
12:00 to 14:00
Reminiscing about social bubbles during the pandemic and humorous anecdotes.
“yeah he can still say mad as a box of frogs and no one will take that from me I'm sorry I don't care if the frogs rise up with the AI revolution and tell me, I don't give a shit.”
Party Reflections
14:02 to 15:44
Discussing the planning and experiences of a home party.
“I was like, you guys could just chill out.”
Weather Woes at the Party
15:45 to 17:22
Sharing the challenges faced with the weather during the party.
“And I just thought it was very sound to them.”
Starstruck Moments with Samantha Mumba
17:23 to 19:14
Recounting the excitement of having Samantha Mumba perform at the birthday party.
“And then obviously I got Samantha Mumba, who I spent a long, yeah, I was just lucky because she was doing Manchester Pride.”
Show all 19 chapters
Unexpected Celebrity Encounters
19:15 to 23:13
Funny stories about being starstruck by various celebrities.
“I'll be getting my brown envelopes back out.”
Reality TV Ideas and Height Surgery
23:14 to 26:58
Discussing a controversial reality TV concept involving height surgery.
“What's the most painful bone in your body to break is the femur in your thigh.”
Wrapping Up with Height Discussions
26:59 to 28:00
Concluding thoughts on height and societal pressures regarding appearance.
“And I honestly, I looked at it and I was like, poor baby Vogue.”
Surgery and Body Image
28:00 to 29:20
The hosts discuss invasive surgeries for body image and perceptions of height.
“head to Turkey and get incredibly invasive surgery I was like just fucking wear a Joe Rogan t-shirt like there's easier ways than like cutting off half your legs.”
Men's Body Issues and Filler
29:20 to 31:30
They delve into men's insecurities regarding height and penis size, including cosmetic procedures.
“I'm so glad you do those documentaries so you can bring the information back to us.”
The Return of the Plague
31:30 to 36:16
The conversation shifts to the topic of the plague and its surprising re-emergence in modern times.
“I think the filler thing I've never heard about it before but I think that's a bit like sticking stickers on your car to make it look like a racing car.”
Vaccination and Health Attitudes
36:16 to 38:14
They discuss the importance of vaccinations and the societal attitudes towards health and wellness.
“I think now, I mean, look, I'm obviously pro-vaccine.”
The Gold Coffin Phenomenon
38:14 to 40:30
The hosts critique the extravagant burial of a wealthy individual in a gold coffin.
“As they say What's good for the goose is good for the gander She's She's very nostalgic Today What?”
Cats vs. Humans: The Millionaire Dilemma
42:01 to 43:51
A humorous debate about eccentric millionaires leaving their fortunes to cat homes instead of human charities.
“Like I've, you know, fine, cats also deserve to have a lovely life but I do feel that's, to me, it just doesn't, you know, it's a bit odd but this, imagine his family.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:01This is a Global Player original podcast.
0:15Bonjour everybody. Welcome. Oh, bonjour. Will come in. Will come in. I just am so... Hola.
0:23Joanne McNally:Hola. Do you... Do you agree? Connors. I can't help. anything else? no? okay let's Will Coman Will Coman to My Therapist Ghosted Me it's actually Guten Tag is hello in German you've just welcomed them sorry I don't mean to piss in your parade but I did get a C in the junior so I suppose I might as well use that muscle Kopenka Kopenka is that Thai? is that Thai? Kopenka? I don't know actually no I think that's is that not the cap cut? Thank you. Is that not the app that we use to make our videos? No.
1:07And I still can't, I still can't use it.
1:10Joanne McNally:Obviously, Vogue and I are in the, we're in the, we're in the, I'd say music video business. Don't know where that came from. We're in the video business, content business. And sometimes Ross, who does my socials, makes my little videos. You know, I can tell maybe he's busy or I just don't want to bother him. And I try to make my own. and the cap cut I find so hard to use. So hard. Content is hard, guys. Oh my God, I sound like an actually no-do. Meghan Markle.
1:44Joanne McNally:I've Markled myself. It's so hard, guys. My God, she gets some amount of abuse. It's too much. It's too much abuse at this point. You're like, it's too much. it's like she is like she gets more abuse than Kim Jong-un she does you're right she actually does do you know what folk you've never said anything more on the ball that is so true Kim Jong-un gets less abuse than Meghan Markle like but that interview that she did with your one with the your one with the huge big with the wide smile hi hi you work so hard Meghan how are you feeling no one works as hard as you if Spencer Matthews sends me one more of the videos of that woman I'm going to have to get rid of him he honestly can't get enough of her there's the comedian whose name escapes you now who took the piss out of it and the video is it's going around and around and it deserves to go around for the rest of time Jo maybe you can fact check that for me so I can actually give that comedian the credit that he deserves but he does and he has you're one on one side and Megan on the other and he even has the hair oh yeah yeah the hairlines are even so well done because Megan's hairline is a little forward and Megan's like I just do my best it's so funny you do you you have such great energy I just do I just do my best is it Michael Pavano yes yeah very funny it's really congrats to you Michael Pavano I vote Kelly Trapp does one.
3:26Kelly Trapp needs to do one.
3:29Joanne McNally:Well, Kelly, yeah, she does. Kelly Trapp should do one. Yeah, that's a great shout. It's a great shout. She would be very good. You know when someone reshared, you know when someone, like a video goes, like proper viral, like just, you know, virality beyond the normal virality. And so other pages keep sharing it. Every year it kind of gets reshared. Do you know one of those? I will enjoy Michael Pavano till I'm getting lowered slowly into the ground or the crematorium. I haven't made my decisions yet. Can you imagine how many hits? You are so hard, Megan. Can you imagine how many hits all those pod videos got?
4:00Because people have watched them. Every time. I might do that tonight, actually. I feel a bit anxious. I might start watching that woman again tonight.
4:06Joanne McNally:I don't know her name. Apparently she's some huge wellness guru. I don't know who she is, but physically, in fairness to her, she's quite a distinct look and I'm not slagging her looks. I'm just saying. She has a very wide smile and her eyes get very small when she smiles. so physically to take her off your man did her really well and then Megan it's just Megan but folks sorry to start back where we began I do think Megan is overly abused at this point I'm like fucking go on leave her off will you the problem is she probably gets a lot of traffic that's why people are just constantly writing stuff about her she gets loads of traffic so it makes sense for them they're all basically cashing in the more they slag her off the more they're cashing in I hope she's in on it that's all I just hope when she says she doesn't listen or she doesn't read or she doesn't care I hope it's true because usually when people say that like I've since discovered that Mariah is saying everyone listens well this is what this is my fear because do you remember we were like does Mariah really not know Katy Perry went to space and she knows full well and she's always apparently she's like it's kind of her thing to pretend she doesn't know what Katy Perry's up to I just hope Megan is genuinely I just hope she really doesn't care that's all she does deserve that no one does How is your bank holiday?
5:21Because obviously, I don't know how I work it out. I always miss the bank holiday. If there's a bank holiday in the UK, I'm in Ireland. And if there's a bank holiday in Ireland, I'm in the UK. And there the two you are enjoying the fruits of your labour, your additional Sunday off. Well, when you... I mean, we are at work right now. Yeah, we are. We are at work for a little bit. Guys, that's not really work. Jo, you're sitting there having a beer. It's not work. I'm drinking at work. And you can report me. I wonder if Joe's going to leave that in or cut it out. No, I'm going to listen back to this.
5:51I'm like, Joe's worse.
5:53Joanne McNally:He's behaving inappropriately, but he is still at work. Are you drinking too? You're both behaving inappropriately in that case. Well, yeah, once I see Joe doing it, I'm like, school's out for summer. So I start that. And it's the weather outside in London, folks in Ireland, the weather in London is like class outside weather. Do you remember in school when the weather was so nice, the teacher would say, let's take our, you say lessons here Jo we'd say like class outside we'd take whatever we don't say lessons really but you'd take it outside and everyone would just doodle on the grass ah the glory days I've had a real horn I've never had that what?
6:30no I've never had class outside no
6:32Joanne McNally:they never took you outside for the class in the sun oh it was so nice it was so nice I know but it's lovely here now and it's lovely here now because everyone's gone back to school and it always happens but I was walking down the pier with Megan there and there was a bunch of these girls there must have been about probably nine of them and they were probably they obviously haven't gone back to school yet but I was looking at them sitting in bikinis on the pier I was like they must be freezing and they all stood up and they were like one, two, three jump into the pier lots of boats there by the way not a great place to swim it's full of oil but anyway they all ran towards all nine and then only two of them jumped and the rest of them just stood there laughing that's very Vogue coded I would say it's very Vogue living and health coded I wouldn't have been in there and also the oil would give them a nice dark colour but also very vote coded that's where Sammy the seal's lurking around I wouldn't be getting in there in case he came over to me he's very friendly with humans and he'd probably give you a good bite I woke up this morning having slept for 12 hours last night I have like a very congested tiny cough sore throat like one would call it sick right I'm actually better I'm actually better now for some reason I think I walked around and kind of like I banged my lymphatic I banged my lymphatic system like Trini taught me how to in my bathroom that day I banged it and I think I kind of cleared myself anyway I woke up this morning and one of the girls I was on to she's like would you consider doing a COVID test I was like don't be ridiculous it's fucking not a thing anymore she goes it is it is and then I'm not going to lie the buzz it was like suddenly I was just back and I I was back in the drama of it and like I'm going to be honest I was like Joanne I think you want COVID anyway one two skip a few I don't have it I know but I put up a TikTok but I know that I said I'd failed a pregnancy test that I really wanted to be positive and I was like hopefully you know I just know that I know I want COVID blah blah blah hopefully next time anyway I posted a video I totally forgot that there is a cohort of people who have no sense of humour around COVID I forgot or anything or anything yeah but I forgot about the COVID stick I forgot about the COVID stick Well, the COVID abuse that you get, I liked that you doubled down on the video, though, because I went and looked at your stories.
8:50Joanne McNally:And you reposed it twice saying you missed it. I miss the COVID times at points. I don't miss running out of toilet paper and stuff. But I miss, like, remember our little bubble, Joanne, on Thursday nights we'd get locked and I'd eventually fall asleep on the couch? People were kind of bubbling around. There was a couple of bubbles, wasn't there? No? You were allowed to have it. I think that you were allowed. I know somebody who used to come over from Ireland and tell me the rate, what was the or rate. And she'd be coming over telling me and then she'd be telling me about her bubble and then she'd be telling me about, she had about 15 bubbles.
9:21I'm not joking. I was like, you're over here checking the or rate and you've been sniffing around 15 different bubbles. Get out of my house.
9:27Joanne McNally:You're bubbling too hot as the song would go. Bubbling hot. Whose song is that, Jo? Bubbling hot. I don't even know if that's a hot song. Shazam me there. Shazam my voice, Jo. Shazam me live there. Oh, but live just so I can get you. No, don't, don't, don't, don't. In order to be recognised by Shazam, I think you're going to have to do a quite problematic accent. Oh, fine. Yeah, no. But it's Pato Banton featuring Rankin Roger. I'm not going to lie. I wouldn't have gotten that.
10:02My mum just sent me a message. Do you remember when I told you about her going to the Peter Kay gig? She's doubled down. She just sent me a message. and it's a screen grab of an article being like bored Peter Kay fans liking his gig
10:17Joanne McNally:to Pontons it's a numbers game do you know what I mean if and when I ever get to that level if I do ever get to that level I'm sure I'll be luckily enough to be on the receiving end of hundreds of people walking out of my shows as well because the shows will be so big don't send Sandra my god I won't she's the toughest crowd of all
10:39guys Guys, we haven't talked about Will Smith. Has anyone else been seeing the Will Smith stuff or is it just me? What's he done now? He's just, I don't know what's happened. He's just like releasing all these really like weird songs and kind of making me a bit scared. What do you mean? Just like really strange rap songs and it's like, what is he doing? It's like, come on, dude. It's just a bit bizarre. I think he kind of lost the plot after the Oscars a little bit. Can you say he lost the plot? Can I say that?
11:11Joanne McNally:Who does that offend? Who has the plot? I never know who... Someone said I couldn't say Sammy's anymore. I don't say Sammy's. Amber says Sammy's, by the way. I know it's disgusting. But someone said that I can't say that anymore. And I was like, why can't I say that? There's a reason you can't say that as well. I don't know what it is, but you're not allowed. Joan, I have no idea what you're talking about. What's a Sammy? A sandwich. Amber says Sammy. Oh, well, that's just because it's annoying. It's revolting. No, I think it's illegal to say that. well I don't know anything about that but I just it's up there with Brecky anything but we know how I feel about that I actually it makes anyway but you can definitely say lost the plot are there a people of plot is there a community of plot people there's not a plotting community but I don't know it's just like you can't really say the madness stuff yeah he can still say mad as a box of frogs and no one will take that from me I'm sorry I don't care if the frogs rise up with the AI revolution and tell me, I don't give a shit.
12:10Joanne McNally:I'm not letting go of that. No, I don't even hear that you had to. I don't think there's any world where the frogs are going to unionize themselves in a way that they're going to rise up and tell me I can't say it. And even if they do, I'm going to go full white man old school Karen and be like, you're not taking it from me, frogs. I don't give a shit. Be offended. That's your choice. I wasn't saying that the frogs, I thought that the frogs would be coming after you. I was saying that. The people that you call mad as a box of frogs, they might be the ones that have a problem with the frogs and will never give a shit.
12:46Oh! Joanne's fine because she counts herself among them. Exactly! It's my people. Oh, listen, none of us, Jo, you're probably the most normal of all of us, but, like, none of us are completely, like, what you say is...
13:01Joanne McNally:There's no such thing. No, there absolutely isn't. Even today, I was reading an article earlier about, like, the kind of, what would you call it, the shift in size of diagnoses and how now, instead of just being rejected, there's rejection-sensitive disorder. So it's like a disorder now rather than just not wanting to be rejected. My life has been one whole giant rejection. Exactly. And you're grand. I'm rejected all the time for jobs. Exactly. Oh, well. Yeah. And you move on. Who's buzzing to get like, anyway, whatever. I could give out about it all day. Sure, in my meddling days I used to walk in they'd basically be like no, ugly, out.
13:42Yeah.
13:44Joanne McNally:That still happens, folk. I've heard them.
13:53Joanne McNally:Folk, tell us, please fill us in the house has what the most has. How was the first of the 40th in Houth on the peninsula? That's actually made me feel a lot better Because I am on a come down From the party It was so much fun Now do you remember the way I organised it from 2 to 10 Yes Do you think anyone arrived at 2 Well obviously not Who on earth arrives at 2 in the day We're grown adults folk I was there at 2 in the day Waiting for all my friends And then my brother arrived at like 3 My mum didn't arrive Till quarter past 4 and then Frederick my brother kept saying to me will I go down the summit and find you a few mates oh I was like ah brothers classic yeah that's a classic that is a classic line yeah
14:50but so there was there was a slight bit of concern from the three bar staff that I had hired for the day they're like she's
14:57Joanne McNally:this woman's deluded yeah they just went around fluffing cushions for a couple of hours. I was like, you guys could just chill out. It's like, obviously there's no point here. But no, it was absolutely, I'm delighted I did it at home, but also it was a lot of work to do it at home. But like in hindsight, I probably should have hired somebody to help me. It just sounds like you're talking about giving birth for some reason. I don't know why. It sounds like you decided to have a home birth and like you don't completely regret it, but you don't know if you'd do it again. that's all I hear do you know why do you know why I wanted to have it at home first of all I love my house here in Ireland I feel very lucky that I get to live here and I wanted to show it off to my aunts and stuff like that so that they get to see it because they haven't seen it before but also I saw someone else's 40th online and it wasn't at their house and I just thought it looked like no crack and so I was like if I have it at home you're having a big massive house party and like it will be the most crack ever yeah it's personal it's personal yeah And also I would like to, I have to give a personal shout out to Absolute Ireland because they gave me so much booze that it was like, it just, we were having margaritas and espresso martinis, this lovely tequila as well that they gave us.
16:16And I just thought it was very sound to them. And I was absolutely thrilled. And did you see the cups I had? I nicked you a few. I nicked you five. Did you? Yeah. And I'm going to keep five for myself. Sorry, Absolute. Thank you so much. Jo, do you want five, Jo? How many did you take in total? Because we're up to 10 at the moment. You know what, Absolute? Don't bother collecting the cups. There's none left.
16:37Joanne McNally:I have to say, considering I'm the drinker amongst the two of us, I find it quite offensive that I have to take your scraps from Absolute and that they haven't contacted me directly to set up a bar in my flat. But sure, anyway. It is what it is. Everyone has their favourite Vogue as Absolutes. You got pissed on, Vogue. I saw that. So I was sick in the morning. And you know when you're just Like I was just There's nothing you can do About the weather But I literally had my party In August In Ireland So I'd get the weather But obviously it being Ireland Friday Stunner of a day Sunday Stunner of a day Saturday Pissing Now it wasn't pissing rain all day So I had everything set up outside And I'd moved all the couches And stuff inside So there was actually Loads of space inside But everything was set up outside Including the stage I was like I'll just risk it I just don't think it's going to rain and it absolutely pissed down just before Davina Devine who is Ireland's greatest drag queen in my opinion I love her so much she did mine and Joanne's tour with us but she just she got completely drenched I mean it wasn't drizzling it was lashing around but so Davina did a little set and then I had this amazing DJ called Maria who DJed for me and she was absolutely brilliant so it was kind of the entertainment that like I was glad that I did that and had all those people because they were just such a, it was just so much crack.
18:00And then obviously I got Samantha Mumba, who I spent a long, yeah, I was just lucky because she was doing Manchester Pride. So I was like, would you do my birthday? And she came back and did my birthday. And do you know what I came home to today? She sent me flowers. I was like, to say thank you. I was like, I should thank you. Like it was just, yeah, it was really, she was amazing and everybody absolutely loved her. Do you see the video of Spencer when she went, she's such a hit.
18:30Joanne McNally:She's such a hit. She's always a hit. She's such a hit. We love her. She's aged backwards. Have you ever seen her in real life? I met her on the Six O 'Clock show a couple of years ago and I obviously know her because when we were growing up she was like the star of Ireland. Do you remember I told you I've had star, I've been, I've been, what do they call it, starstruck twice. Three times? Three times in my life. One was, and none of the Me
19:00Joanne McNally:Ah gas
19:04Come on who are they? Samantha Mumba
19:06Joanne McNally:Samantha Mumba was so the first one was Bertie Ahern do you remember? And that he is obviously the strangest one you know he's you know he's apparently running for he's putting his throwing his hat in for president now for our non-Irish listeners Bertie Ahern was one of our Taoiseachs back in the day who according to most people in inverted commas around the country into the ground. So anyway, he's back now. I'll be getting my brown envelopes back out. Yeah. White men bounce back. That's the name of my new documentary. White men bounce back. Not white men can't jump. White men bounce back. That's the name of my documentary.
19:41Joanne McNally:They are just like fucking Teflon. Anyway, so now he's apparently running for president. Good luck to him. But I was starting when I saw it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I read that today. Now, I read it on fucking, I was scrolling the internet, who knows, but I did read that. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Now it could be one of those is considering, but I'm pretty sure I read it as is going for president. Samantha Mumble was the second woman I saw her in Paris Court Townhouse, which is a shopping centre in Dublin. It was around the time Samantha Mumble was in her, got to tell you, she was in the peak of it and she was doing, I was sitting down below Paris Court Townhouse in the mezzanine level and she was power walking around the top.
20:19Joanne McNally:I've told her this and I was like, it was like seeing Cher. It was like, it was wild. And then the third time I was starstruck, which I spoke about recently was when I was interning with MCD who were a big music promoter in Ireland and I was looking after the photographers the year that Oasis headlined Slane. And I was standing side of stage when Slane were announced and Liam walked out in front of Nell as it seems to be the tradition and the swagger on him and I was like whoa. It was like it was real rock star vibe. So the only three times Bertie Samantha Mumba and Oasis can you believe that is literally and it was more Liam than Noel because Noel's like not as aggressive in his walk Liam looks like he's going to come out and fucking deck you and you're just delighted to be decked do you know yeah Liam has that real star quality I think sorry I'm not I'm not putting Noel down we have made friends since but Liam just has that always I don't think I've been starstruck by many people to be honest with you I kind of guess I was a bit when Samantha came up just because like it's Samantha Mumba but like I knew she was coming so I'd kind of built myself up for it but like oh my god everyone else's face when Samantha Mumbo came because I was going to originally try and hide her and then obviously all of our friends have massive mates so like they'd all it'd spread around the party like wildfire of course but but I know yous were laughing at me 2 to 10 10 to 10 we all left the house and walked down to the summer pub everybody left the house I mean no one wanted to leave the house I was going to say you kicked them out like let's let's not make out like they were well behaved and they just left you probably had did you taser the man with a cattle prod if they had arrived at two o 'clock when they were supposed to they would have been all partied out but they didn't arrive till four o 'clock so that's not my problem but they only got a six hour party out of me I like the idea of a day party I like that but if I was going to a day party I'd expect day party things like a magician or a petting farm John I gave them Samantha Mumba and I gave them Eddie did you see the Eddie Rockets food truck she's a bit mature for a day party, no?
22:24Okay. Joanne, if you want to come to a day party in my house, I'll get you a chicken and you can have the chicken.
Read the full transcript
22:29Joanne McNally:I had Eddie Rockets down there on my gaff.
22:37Happy birthday nearly didn't happen. Again.
22:39Joanne McNally:What is it? What the? I had to say it to Sven and he was like, oh really? But it's not your birthday and I was like, why do you think I have a cake the size of Gigi? What is wrong with lads? I have a TV idea. Okay So Does it involve holidays? No Because I'll do it Well it involves travel Okay Yeah So you know the way Men have been going To get their Legs lengthened Yes So men have been going through This very intensive surgery About getting their legs lengthened And they've been having like They can get up to I think it's Didn't we discuss this on the pod before Like a four inches Five inches I think No I think it's No I think it's Centimeters guys it's a bit oh I don't know I don't know the difference between those two things so I don't know it's it's a year okay five centimeters and it takes a year to recover a year yeah but it's so worth it for men because women are very much drawn to tall men but now women are also and it's all turkey based no sorry turkey based sounds like
23:52Joanne McNally:not turkey based in the in the traditional festive sense of basting a turkey i mean turkey is offering it you know what i mean yeah yeah so it's turkey based now tall women are going and having themselves shortened by having chunks of bone taken out of them so they're cracking them open by the femur, wherever that is. And then they're cutting off bone. What's the most painful bone in your body to break is the femur in your thigh. And they're taking it out to shorten these women who are saying that they're finding it really hard to meet men because they're too tall. So I was thinking, because the men are going to Turkey and the women are going to Turkey and the men want bone added and the women want bone taken out.
24:38Joanne McNally:Jo, you know what I'm thinking? Recycling. Well, I was going to call it bone date I thought like yeah our love is bound something like that and you put them do you know what I mean yeah and you put them behind very much like a love is blind situation and you decide before you can see them who you're going to swap bone with and then you're kind of locked into them it's almost like you've given each other organs or kidneys but it's more like character based and then he has your bone and you have his kind of like blood brothers like but the modern romantic day version or like do you know the way couples will spit in each other's mouths or buy love hearts and crack them in half this is like the modern day version of that do you remember the love hearts you'd buy and you'd have one half and I'd have one half yeah so like a modern day version of that but you'd have each other's bones anyway I thought Vogue you could host it I just do you know they're always looking for new dating shows but I think you're tall but I think you'd be sacrificed at the end whereas I don't think they'd bother with me.
25:45Joanne McNally:I've got to be honest. Do you know what I mean? I think the end it'd be like who's Vogue you know and Spencer's small so he could maybe finally fix that dynamic that's always been negging I think at both of you and you could fix that as like a kind of come to Jesus moment at the end of the series. Anyway I've pitched it. Do you know what Channel 4 would go for that? Definitely. They've agreed. They would definitely do it but it was weird when I read that story about the women doing that I was like my dream height is five centimetres smaller than I am so like but if I had a year to give I wouldn't actually do it but like I would have loved that when I was younger I think it's a great reality TV idea for you and Spano I really really do to go and break our legs I think love is bound or yeah I wonder if you could do a leg at a time just so you could still kind of get around a bit no rip the bandaid off get it do both legs at the same time that would be my advice as someone who's already pitched this just I have to so basically in the contract it would have to be both legs at one time when the pod is finished Vogue a man's going to come and take you and put you in a van and fly to Turkey Spana's already there waiting in the operation room and there won't be a pod for a couple of weeks perfect well do you know what if this was out when I was younger I would have done it because I'm after just the girls got me a present for my birthday and it was like one of my favourite things that anyone can ever get you is like a photo album kind of thing, but it was in a book.
27:13And I honestly, I looked at it and I was like, poor baby Vogue. I was just like a giant bloke and none of the boys had caught up at all. They were all like up to my shoulder. No wonder they were all repulsed by me. I was just like hovering over them, breathing on them, hoping they'd score me. They could reach me.
27:32Joanne McNally:You were an early bloomer. I was the same. I was, like I said before, when we played Mummies and Daddies, I was predominantly daddy. I was daddy which you know has had a long lasting impact that I've tried to negate through therapy but it never it never leaves you you know luckily I had Amber so she was always daddy I was thinking though do you know the way like you get to the stage where these women are like what can I do to kind of attract men before I kind of head to Turkey and get incredibly invasive surgery I was like just fucking wear a Joe Rogan t-shirt like there's easier ways than like cutting off half your legs.
28:10Joanne McNally:Do you know what I mean? Learn about crypto or some shit. Like seduce them that way. Are people not going off crypto now? No. No, it's still going on. I hear it in clubs. I hear it in the comedy clubs that comedians are still talking about crypto. It's still happening. I heard that Iggy Azalea, do you remember that Australian rapper? I heard that she has made an absolute fortune from crypto and that's why she doesn't do her, that's why she doesn't do her rapping anymore. but I think that her wrapping went down I don't know if I believe her to be honest with you but she was on a very expensive yacht height is a gift do not get rid of it it's like pulling out your tits of your eyes height is a gift but also if you're small I know it's an absolute nightmare but to be going and putting yourself through that bullshit like that is like aggressive it has to be an easier way there's two things I feel sorry for lads for like if they're really short they have a bit of a nightmare and if they have a small dick like a really a really small one there's not much you can do because I've done shows on look at Jo nodding we know Jo's a brand you're the wife now what about trans men though they get surgery they get dick surgery yeah but so a trans man the surgery for that is you either choose from your from between your wrist and your elbow and that's where you'd get the skin from if you want a bigger one you choose it from your thigh and it's made like that but if you're a man and you've got a really small dick you you You can cut, there's a bit of skin.
29:40Joanne McNally:I'm so glad you do those documentaries so you can bring the information back to us. So you basically cut the banjo string. Yeah. Not the one underneath. It's okay. But the thing about it is you'll only get like an extra millimeter or two millimeters. And then if you get an erection, it doesn't go up. It just stays down but goes hard because obviously that string is gone so it doesn't lift anymore. and all that for a millimetre and they can't extend the banjo string and take a slice out of their arm to add an extension on no they can't and there's a little there is a lot of men get filler now in their shaft oh yeah good for them yeah this is taking a turn but a lot of filler but it would be really expensive so this surgeon that I was with was saying that it was like one of the biggest operations that he does for men to get filler in it.
30:32Wow.
30:34Joanne McNally:Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I was a man though, I would be probably, I'd say, I just feel like, I don't know, but if I was a man, I'd say I'd be averagely sized. I don't think I'd be, I don't think I'd give like well hung energy. I think I'd be, I think I'd be like a dog kind of bark is worse than its bite vibes. I think I'd be kind of scrappier than what I physically had to offer. And I'd be okay with that because I think I'd be quite charming and I would laugh women into bed however I would definitely be going in for the filler just being honest also here's the thing you don't want it to be too big either because if it's too big it's not great no but I think this is like when women don't lift weights in case they get too bulky and it's like you're grand do you know you have a long way to go before that's an issue I think it's the same thing like as in if I only got a bit of filler I think it'd be fine for a brief male point of view I think oh god I forgot we had that yeah go on I think the filler thing I've never heard about it before but I think that's a bit like sticking stickers on your car to make it look like a racing car.
31:39Do you know what I mean? Like it's not a racing car It's just stickers. Do you think it's just stickers?
31:46Joanne McNally:No, I know what you're saying but no, it's not like they've Do you know sometimes when you see a prop toe or a prop finger put on the top like a wax addition that drops off that's what you're suggesting this would look like this is the real deal it's just it just looks like I know it literally you can get a penis extender like that it's like a little jacket though but like that's not actually yeah you can also get the one that you kind of pump up in your pocket for older gentlemen you can like pump it up you know yeah like the runners like when you pump the tongue no I think it would be great if we were all happy with what we had but sure I'd love bigger boobs but I wouldn't be arsed doing that either
32:30Joe, am I doing the right thing here? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, look, sit.
32:39Joanne McNally:It's actually really funny to watch.
32:47I wanted to talk about, because you're so sick. Yeah.
32:54Joanne McNally:Guess. you know the way we talked about super syphilis coming back like syphilis but like super charged syphilis came back and super gonorrhea was another one of the ones that's come back you won't bloody believe what someone's tested positive for buzzing buzzing the plague yeah the plague imagine you had to tell somebody I have the plague I'm thrilled I have the plague I wouldn't go near you now COVID is one thing I wouldn't be going near you if you had the plague I'd love to have the plague like what a flex the plague I mean come on like how fucking iconic is that I've got the plague it's a resident of South Lake Tahoe in California that means the whole of California knows who that person is he's recovering at home he's recovering that's the main thing he's recovering but he was bitten by a flea that also had the plague but there's a few rats that have been tested positive for the plague so do you want to hear the symptoms because obviously the plague sounds horrendous.
33:55I think it killed like 2 million people or something. 3 million people.
33:58Joanne McNally:Way more. It knocked out 50 % of the population of the world. Oh sorry. 200 million people. There you go. That's more like it. Yeah. 200 million people. I'm not here to raise awareness for the plague but I am saying if the plague hadn't happened can you imagine how busy the world would be? I'd never get a seat in Megan's. I barely can as it is. The world would be like Glastonbury all the fucking time. The world would be like St. Patrick's Day all the fucking time. I'm just saying. Can you imagine how packed Ryanair flights would be if there hadn't been the bubonic plague? They definitely have brought in that standing seating thing.
34:31Do you remember that? A hundred percent.
34:34Joanne McNally:We'd be on the roof. No baggage for anybody. So, come here. You feel sick. Have you any of these symptoms? Yeah, I have all of them. I want the plague. I want the plague. Have you got... I want it for my hinge profile. They're like two truths and a lie. I want to say I have the fucking plague. Just as a conversation starter for the lads. that's what I want have you got blackened skin and tissue yes have you got sudden high fever I've tanned so I don't know whether it could be the plague it could be Bear by Vogue swipe up you looked like I thought you'd gotten I thought you'd gotten a spray tan we do spray tan now I'll send you a spray tan artist whenever you want my friend a spray tan artiste hello yeah sudden high fever chills and weakness headache yes Jo she's got the plague it's looking like it it they no hold on so what I read was it's the pneumonic plague whereas that's just like that's very low level plague vibes the bubonic was where you got the huge big welts and stuff and everyone dropped dead blackened skin and tissue doesn't sound great you know it doesn't we'd rather a welt over that we did not love to have the plague just for the conversation starter of it all Covid's jealous of the plague the plague it just never goes it's like Lindsay Lohan And it just keeps rebranding and coming back.
35:56Joanne McNally:It's like the share of diseases. Loads of diseases are coming back. They all come back. I know. And some people don't want to get vaccinated against like measles and mumps and stuff anymore. So they don't vaccinate themselves or their kids and then they're all making a comeback. Apparently the only one they got rid of ever completely gonzo, allegedly, was smallpox. No, smallpox. all the rest of them are ready to go at any time like you and gladiators they're like are you ready they could come back go they could come back at any time folks so you just watch yourself and you just smallpox I read about smallpox now it was in a book so maybe it was amplified but it sounds like one of the most horrendous ways to die in the world I don't know it's like you're just pocky and then you're gone is it you're just like you're basically bubbling away.
36:49You just bubble to death. Oh God. And it's not fast enough either.
36:54Joanne McNally:You'd be doing that for a little while. I think now, I mean, look, I'm obviously pro-vaccine. So, I don't think I'm available for the plague. But I would like it just for the, you know, for the, do it for the story vibes. I'd be very careful about saying I'm pro-vaccine. I still get abused because I got to go Well I am Sorry But I tell you what I am And I don't care Who mails me After I say this I am first in line For the flu vaccine In September I'm not getting that shit again I was fucked You do you And I do me And he does him And she does they And they do themselves And that's just the way it works I'm sorry You can't There's two people That do stuff like this right You know those Like those wellness people Who are like All about being well During the week And then you know At the weekend They're out getting absolutely bollocks And just doing a lot of pills That's not being wellness-y And it's also like we can't sit here and say we're not into vaccines When we get like a lot of Injections in our faces I'm all about I'm about the herd I've got a herd mentality I always have and I always will In all areas of my life I'm like what's best for the herd That's my vibe I'm the sheep 100 % I'm the sheep I'm happy to get herded As they say What's good for the goose is good for the gander She's She's very nostalgic Today What?
38:27Joanne McNally:Nostalgic? Have we been gander Before? It sounds like stuff my mom used to say To me when I was younger Yeah sorry There's another one you can't say The boogeyman Like I don't know who's Feeding you this information but they're taking the piss out of you and thank God me and Joe are here Get off Facebook I'm not on Facebook Obviously people have been telling me things like that but also yesterday someone was like to me do you know that they, about just a random person that we know and host, do you know they have a different dad to their other siblings and I was convinced of it until I actually asked them and they were like no, that's just a terrible lie that someone's told, but I kind of believe everything I've been told Ipso facto, one to skip a few, the plague is like glitter, you can try and sweep it under the carpet, it's always coming back.
39:18Joanne McNally:And I, for one, am pleased to see it. It's like seeing someone play Snake. I'm glad it's back. I missed it.
39:27Did you see the Traveller King Frank Thompson? He was buried in a full gold coffin. Six figure gold coffin. No one knows the exact amount it cost. And he was taken, his coffin was driven around in a Rolls Royce for six days doing a farewell tour of the UK.
39:54Joanne McNally:Oh my. Like what? I don't even think Princess Diana did that, did she? I want to do three laps of Hoth. Vote, you'll get one lap of Hoth and you'll get over yourself. You'll get one lap. A gold coffin. like you can't even be buried in you know what I don't really hear much about grave robbing anymore so maybe it's alright to be buried in the car well I'm pretty sure it's about to come I'm pretty sure it's back with the bang as soon as they find out where this grave is that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen when I read the article I was like well that grave is going to need security and then I remembered grave robbers they don't just land on top of the grave and start digging they come in via the side like they'll have to come in via yeah yeah yeah yeah like I honest to God when I die if I die because by the time I die we don't know where science will be I wouldn't I wouldn't bury as much as a Claire's accessory toe ring with me because they'll come especially if you're having a public ceremony which of course I will and folks certainly will too they know where you are they know what you have on you do you know what I think this is like this is like telling someone you have a million pound coffin in the ground it's like walking out into the street and taking a selfie with your Rolex on your wrist and you've no hand and telling everyone where you are and you just have a stump for a wrist as in you don't even have the hand to wrestle the watch over no Jo I see you making that face but I stand by what I say that's how stupid it is well I just feel like for me it's just a very big waste of money I mean why it's like throwing it's just throwing money into a grave I mean my dad was buried and I considered going back down to get the 20 euro yeah I thought I'm not wasting give that back actually Freddie open that coffin up I mean to not even give it to the cats' home like and I you know I have no time for cats' homes I've been very clear about that they do well for themselves but everyone else yeah I've no I've no time for the cats' homes and I'm sorry but like I'm just going to stand on business there I can't wait to get those emails that would be great what I mean is what's wrong with cats why do you hate cats nothing what I mean is when you hear about these eccentric millionaires dying and they give their money to cats' homes and I just feel like there's so many human homes that could do with that money.
42:13Joanne McNally:That's what I mean. Like I've, you know, fine, cats also deserve to have a lovely life but I do feel that's, to me, it just doesn't, you know, it's a bit odd but this, imagine his family. I'd be spitting, I'd be spitting on the grave as you went into it. I'd be like, are you fucking joking me? Have you built that wicker coffin yet? We can always go up and do a little swap out in London though. I told you, I'm going in a washing basket. That's my thing. No graces. You can get lost. Laundry's my thing. Don't even think about it. Listen, I'm more than happy to use one of your baskets if you want to do a collab, but I'm not.
42:46Joanne McNally:Like, there's no way. I think that lad's only setting himself up, I was going to say for failure, but she was dead. But I mean, for more failure. Yeah. It's really sad that we're going to have to be buried with nothing, though. I'd feel real naked with no jewellery. Well, you don't have to go with nothing. But like, I know what you're saying. We'd like to go down with a nice hoop in our ears. I want to look well. I want to look well. a big hoop in our ears but you have to be realistic you know maybe it's a costume coffin maybe it's like one of those big fake rings that women wear sometimes for events and it's costume jewellery it's a costume coffin no one's putting a million quid in the ground come on come on I'd say it's about a hundred grand six figures oh sorry six figures per yeah oh sorry sorry miscalculator I take everything back fair play to one a hundred grand sorry she's not even nearly as outraged now now I'm like it's his money he can do what he wants with it
43:52see you later everybody thank you for listening and please keep sending your emails into my therapist ghosted me I can't do it I'm sorry I just can't John you usually do the emails come on
44:05Joanne McNally:the email is hello at mtgmpod.com. What the hell is wrong with me, honestly? Have you been drinking? I just had a decaf tea. It's pathetic.
From the publisher
Check your calendars and no, it isn't Vogue's ACTUAL birthday for a bit yet, but it's a big one and the celebrations have begun! Plus, are we offending the frogs and is it true that the plague is back?!
If you’d like to get in touch, you can send an email to hello@MTGMpod.com
Please review Global's Privacy Policy: https://global.com/legal/privacy-policy/
For merch, tour dates and more visit: www.mytherapistghostedme.com
Joanne's comedy gigs: www.joannemcnally.com
This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.