MRI, Plane Fear & Divorce Settlements

7:40Vogue Williams:I thought I was being a bit of a diva no

7:42Joanne McNally:No, I sit in the last three rows, last three rows, either side, at the window, every single time.

7:47Vogue Williams:At the very back?

7:49Joanne McNally:Yeah.

7:50Vogue Williams:What? Yeah.

7:51Joanne McNally:Oh, no, no, no. No, I have to be at the front. Because you're beautiful. Yeah, but a lot of the time they open the back doors. That's not like a weird thing. I think loads of people have little traditions when they fly. And sometimes I'll even pre-order a space gin to my table. So when I board,

8:09Vogue Williams:I get served straight away. I just think when you're doing something as much as we do with flying like I could fly twice in a day a lot and I just want to be as comfortable as I can be but anyway yeah but anyway this was a double day

8:25Joanne McNally:No wonder the ice caps are melting You fucking chopping yourself in and out of Houth twice a day

8:32Vogue Williams:I wonder if you could chop her from here to Houth could you? From London to Houth Emma what do you Google that? Of course you can

8:39Joanne McNally:I don't know, it just feels like it'd be a long way. I was doing a gig in the Isle of Man recently and someone was telling me there's another comedian who does two shows a day in the Isle of Man and they get a chopper in and out because it's actually quite hard. Like the cost of the flights in and out of the Isle of Man are quite pricey because there's not many flights. And they do two gigs, the first one to pay for the chopper and the second one just like for themselves, but they get a chopper in and out.

9:03Vogue Williams:Isn't that great?

9:04Joanne McNally:Yeah, but I just... Isn't that rock and roll?

9:06Vogue Williams:I'd rather get the fucking boat and have the extra cash.

9:09Joanne McNally:I would be terrified. There's one thing, and I don't scare easily. Although I did see a woman, oh my God, I saw a woman fall over in the park yesterday and I nearly, I realised, I'm actually, God love her, she nearly knocked her tooth out. I'm actually quite squeamish.

9:25Vogue Williams:Yeah, well I don't like seeing people hurt themselves. Are you going to say you don't like helicopters at all?

9:30Joanne McNally:I don't, I actually think I'd be quite scared in a helicopter. I've watched, you know these holes you go down and I've seen a lot of crashes. there was a bride killed on her wedding day she was getting the chopper to the wedding and she went down and it was all on camera and oh I know I need to get out of my argument it's usually

9:45Vogue Williams:like I shouldn't be saying this about the pilots but it usually would be a pilot error of them flying when they shouldn't be flying like when Kobe Bryant yeah yeah they he told them not to fly and they kind of were insistent on them flying and that's why that happens he should have are you seeing if he can still fly to Ireland because I don't want to fly to Ireland can you fly to Ireland You'd have to do a private charter, but yeah, you could do it. A private charter helicopter? Well, I'm hardly going to film my own. I don't have one. I'm hardly going to go down the local bus stop and see what picks her up.

10:19Vogue Williams:I'm near the heliport. I'm just going to go down there and say, can I have a lift?

10:22Joanne McNally:I'm not going to get the 56A. I'm going to wait for the chopper.

10:30Joanne McNally:Oh, my God. What psychopath just rings off a random number? without any forewarning. Like, who does that?

10:47Vogue Williams:You remember I did that Bear Grylls show? We had to use these helicopters and we were basically thrown out of them then into this rotten water. And so we're on these helicopters. Two weeks later, a French TV crew were kind of doing the same kind of vibe show as him or something like that. Helicopters went down. The same ones went down. All dead.

11:06Joanne McNally:Yeah. Yeah. I know. Oh my God, this is like Final Destination. Hold on, are they the same helicopters that you were using? Same.

11:15Vogue Williams:Yeah, I saw Bear Grylls recently and I said it to him and he was like, yeah, that really did happen.

11:21Joanne McNally:Oh my God. I know, I know. You escaped the Grim Reaper. I always, do you know what always fascinates me? Because I watch a lot of Air Crash Investigation and sometimes I watch it while I'm flying because I feel like if I die then it's too ironic for the universe to handle. So I'm basically protecting everyone on the plane by watching our first investigation. So you're welcome. But what I find fascinating is when, and again, a lot of it's like mechanical error, engineering error, they just forgot to put a bolt back on. Someone forgot to put a bolt back on. But it might take 60 flights for that plane to actually crash or explode and kill everyone.

11:59Joanne McNally:But I think of all the people that were on that plane with that bolt. Like, do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. getting closer and closer or further away from death. I just, it's like, it's a sliding doors of it all. It's like, well now when I,

12:11Vogue Williams:when I, when I fly on my own, I'm allowed to have a little bit of like, because I get, I'm really, I'm actually quite frightened of flying. Which is stupid because I do it so much. But it's only because now I've convinced myself because I do it so much there's more of a chance for me. But when I fly with Gigi and stuff, because the other, I flew with her a little while ago and I had one of my meltdowns and then she started crying and I was like, oh Jesus, so I have to now pretend that I'm having a great time so I'm like

12:38Joanne McNally:ha ha ha

12:39Vogue Williams:yeah I'm going to hate it

12:41Joanne McNally:it's a very it's a very unfortunate fear to have flying because it does it does write off a lot of stuff for you like travel

12:51Vogue Williams:well I don't I don't I'm not at that point where I let it but I know a girl who will only she only gets the boat everywhere she can't fly she won't get in a plane and I think that like I just like I'd rather be on the plane and go somewhere I want to go then because I love the holidays you know yourself of course you do

13:07Joanne McNally:I'll take the death to get to the Caribbean

13:10Vogue Williams:bonjour now the chance of a 60 % chance of do you know what we were playing the other day hang on because this is tied into this emo what was it there's a chance of you winning 20 million pounds there's a 1 in 100 chance but there's also a 1 in 100 chance that you will get killed doing it are you going to take that chance to try

13:30Joanne McNally:and win the 20 million I think you know me well enough at this point to know that the second numbers start coming out of your mouth, I've completely zoned out.

13:38Vogue Williams:Okay.

13:39Joanne McNally:I don't engage with figures.

13:42Vogue Williams:It was like, there's a hundred grapes in front of you.

13:45Joanne McNally:Right.

13:46Vogue Williams:And, uh, now you're talking. But if you eat one of them, you could die. One of them is like going to kill you. But one of them is going to give you billions of pounds. Would you eat the grapes? No. Emma would eat the grapes. she just doesn't care about her life no I wouldn't do that no I was saying she watches the deer hunter at the weekend looking for fun games to play with her friends

14:15Joanne McNally:it's quite a sinister it's quite a sinister party game Emma Russian roulette at the weekends

14:22Vogue Williams:for Emma

14:23Joanne McNally:yeah it's like one of those horror films where your friend takes you out to a log cabin and then kills you with grapes no I wouldn't I wouldn't risk my life for money no no no way not even billions now in saying that if I was absolutely impoverished and you know living in a tent on a canal I might feel differently about it but in the position I'm in as in like I have a roof over my head I would not risk my life for it I do love grapes though

14:48Vogue Williams:particularly the Marks and Spencer grapes when they're in season you know the big ones they be they be hard to turn down

14:55Joanne McNally:sometimes you're such an L one sometimes you just say something and it's like I just forget you're really 40 now folk I can tell you I know. It's terrible. Yeah. Sometimes you're a really hot, sexy, young girl and then you say stuff like that and you're like, she's an Elwyn. She's an Elwyn in herself.

15:14Vogue Williams:Oh God. I was telling my story, my plane story because I was two hours delayed on the way back, obviously furious. So I made a couple of friends. And one of them was called Elaine. Oh God, she'll kill me now. My Australian friend. I'm sorry. She's from Sydney. Her parents live near where I used to live. Anyway, so her sister lives in New York. Eleni's just gotten divorced after like something like 17 years of marriage. She's got two kids. She's literally six weeks divorced. She goes over to see her sister in New York and she's like, fuck men. I hate them all. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she meets a man.

15:53She meets a man six weeks after getting divorced.

15:56Vogue Williams:He was a heart surgeon and he lived in Atlanta. when she was waiting with me on that delayed flight, she was going over to see the man. They have been dating for nearly three years and every six weeks they go to a country to meet each other. And sometimes she'll go to Atlanta or they might go on a two week holiday. And they were going over to Ireland to meet each other, to go on their date. And I was like, how amazing is that? That like, you got divorced, met someone six weeks later, cardiologist. I keep saying that because like, that's lucky. And pretty hot as well. Showed me a picture of him.

16:29Joanne McNally:and now she's going to have to meet him again. Hold on, so they're dating long distance.

16:34Vogue Williams:Mm-hmm.

16:35Joanne McNally:Yes. Which would be very suitable, I think, when you just want to have your own space as well. Very suitable and also congratulations on finding love again. Yeah. I mean, there's a banger rebound off it, but nothing wrong with that. Two and a half years later, though,

16:51Vogue Williams:it's two and a half years they've been doing this.

16:53Joanne McNally:Oh, yeah. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, but she met him six weeks. Nothing wrong with the rebound. I mean, I've had many a successful rebound myself I was reading an article recently it was saying that the divorce rates when you share a bed with someone you're 50 % more likely to divorce them and in Japan apparently it's very rare to share a bed with your partner they sleep separately now this is what I'm reading online I don't know if it's true but I was like does that make sense?

17:18Vogue Williams:Well last night right when Spencer can't sleep which is like not that often but like last night I was like I was like Sven you've now welcomed me up three times like I've been asleep since quarter to ten and he woke me up three times because he's kicking around huffing and puffing and I was like I haven't we briefly spoke about it this morning but he doesn't know that there's a bigger conversation coming up because you know what I'm like if someone I'm going to tell him if there's any inkling that he can't sleep when I'm in the bed beside him that he can get the fuck downstairs and not make a sound because I then had to get up after quarter to twelve last night and take and take a sleeping tablet.

17:57Vogue Williams:Oh, yeah. Because I couldn't, because by the time he'd woke me up the third time, my body was like, all right, we're getting up now. And like, I was like, this is not, this is not conducive. Very selfish. Very selfish. That's why I can understand why people,

18:10Joanne McNally:Yeah, have separate beds and stuff. I do think that old idea, you know, that idea of kind of the elderly couple in their twin beds in their room and they die holding hands. Sorry for that. Yeah. I'm morbid today. I will say, having been on my own now for whatever it is, two years, and not having shared a bed, really, for any length of time since then, I don't know how I would do it again. I remember the first time I lived with a boyfriend, I found it really difficult. I kept waking up in the middle of the night and going up to the spare room and all. And the bed was small. We weren't that flush.

18:41Joanne McNally:But I, yeah, I'd find it very difficult now.

18:43Vogue Williams:I do like sleeping beside somebody. And, like, I usually try, like, I hook a foot around Spencer's foot. But when someone can't sleep and they're waking me up, that is, like, not for me.

18:53Joanne McNally:Helena Bowman-Carter had a different house to her fella. She lived next door to her husband and they had a very successful marriage until they got divorced.

19:00Vogue Williams:Yeah. And Cameron Diaz and her fella, Benji, whatever his name is, have a spare room where they meet up to rendezvous and do their bits and bobs. I forgot about that. Yeah, but they must have loads of bedrooms. How many bedrooms is this? No, because they've got two kids. So two kids, their two rooms, five bedrooms. I think Cameron's got a couple of quid. Come here to me. Will I tell you about Halloween? we had a great time in Ireland tell me everything well we went out

19:27Joanne McNally:not everything highlights so Auntie Naomi oh god yeah

19:37Vogue Williams:last year Auntie Naomi came up and Theatre wanted to be I can't even remember what it was this weird dinosaur thing that no one's ever heard of a night feeder and we couldn't do the makeup because we didn't actually know what a night feeder was and so he's bawling crying blah blah blah this is last year furious with his outfit this year I'd done really well I was like everyone's very happy with their outfits and then Naomi was going to come up my auntie who's an art teacher who's good at art supposedly was coming up to help with the face paint so she was late so I started doing face paint I did my own I did tease he looked excellent he was absolutely thrilled I was thrilled because I thought I'd done such a good job then I did autos then auntie Naomi came up and I said you know what you do Gigi's witch because she wants to look really good and you're obviously an artist okay so I thought

20:22Joanne McNally:is she lying about her creds she she

20:26Vogue Williams:I've never seen someone you know when someone's trying not to cry she was just there and her lip just kept going and Naomi was like it doesn't take much to get her lip going now from what I can tell seven times yesterday she was crying over nothing I was like this is the seventh time now you're crying about a pastry and anyway she started crying on to Naomi was like what's wrong with her I was like nothing nothing trying not to say what it was and Gigi was like it wasn't great can I look can I see even no because she covered her face with her hat she wouldn't show it so I couldn't get any pictures of it but when I say she was inconsolable we had to tell her that like it was going to be dark outside nobody was going to see her she just kept pulling her hat down over her face what because I had no time to take it off and redo it because we were running late.

21:20Vogue Williams:How bad,

21:21Joanne McNally:like if you can't pull off a Luke on Halloween, how bad was it? Listen,

21:27Vogue Williams:bad enough that Auntie Naomi won't be invited back for her face painting skills.

21:32Joanne McNally:Harsh.

21:34Vogue Williams:And then Naomi was like, once Naomi found out she was crying over the face paint, she couldn't stop laughing. I was like, it was meant to be this lovely moment and like I'm walking out the door with everyone crying. Anyway, then we went we did our trick or treat and I will never be able to get over the amount of treats that you get in Ireland it is completely insane and then we got home and I ripped down all the Halloween decorations and I put the kids in their Christmas pyjamas

22:01Joanne McNally:when I say I am buzzing it feels like it hasn't been Christmas in ages and it just feels like it's exactly the right time for it to be it's like we've timed it so well I'm really looking forward to this Christmas I'm buzzing I'm the same folk I'm going to go down to Dunn's get the decorations I'm going to go hardcore this year

22:21Vogue Williams:well I don't agree I've seen a lot of people putting up their Christmas trees and I'm like oh hold on we can't that's a bit now come on it's the first of November I know I put the Christmas PJs on but I want to get the wear out of them and I just feel like putting up the tree now I'm feeling like I'm behind but I don't want to get it up too soon

22:37Joanne McNally:before we move on from Halloween you know the way we enjoy like an inappropriate Halloween costume who doesn't? yeah of course we've got I would say I've got a I don't know What a dark sense of humour? I don't know. A sense of humour. I just think it is. Yeah. Whatever. I mean, you know, whatever colour your sense of humour is. The one I was like, this really takes the biscuit. Did you see the one? I actually posted it. The woman dressed as Shannon Matthews' mother. Do you remember? With fine Shannon, the t-shirt and the teddy bear and all. And she looked so like her. Do you remember this story?

23:10Joanne McNally:For anyone who doesn't remember, there was a mother of Shannon Matthews who, I think after the Madeleine McCann stuff, saw how much money was raised when kids went missing for the parents. And she was like, I'm going to get a bit of that dollar. And she reported her child missing. And then there was, I think there was 3.5 million pounds spent looking for her from the police. And I think she wanted to raise 50 grand, the mother. And then of course they found the child, they found Shannon in her partner's cousin's attic, I think. But anyway, it brought me down. I was like, I thought it was very funny.

23:49Joanne McNally:But then I went down the Shanna Matthews hole and I was like, oh, it's actually not great. She was tied to a radiator. I didn't know that. And she's now had to change her identity. I know, but that's her own,

24:00Vogue Williams:that's her mother doing that to her. I know. Like, what the fuck?

24:03Joanne McNally:Anyway, happy Halloween, kids.

24:11Joanne McNally:What the fuck? Look at this. The camera's just... Sorry, could I be up any closer on the...

24:21Vogue Williams:Joanne's having a real Monday, isn't she? Did you like Julia Stiles' Halloween costume? Do you mean Julia Fox in the blood?

24:30Joanne McNally:Julia Fox, yeah. Julia Fox, God love her. I like her, but she's mad as a box of frogs and she's big into the clickbait stuff and the kind of shock jocking and all that jazz. So it kind of makes sense that she would do that. Did you see this in Mo? so she dressed up

24:46Vogue Williams:as Jackie Kennedy in that like famous pink suit but like left all the blood stains on it because like Jackie Kennedy famously wanted to keep the suit on to show the person of what he'd done when he shot John F. Kennedy

24:58Joanne McNally:she left it on for two days and when eventually they got it off her they put it in a kind of room temperature vault somewhere and they're going to release it in 2135 or something so the blood's still on it so anyway Julia was like statement piece but when she first described what she was doing she was doing her whole you know I'm iconic and all that jazz but then when there was a proper backlash she came out with a real explanation about how like it's called feminist and all but people were saying that her explanation was definitely written by ChatGBT because you just I think she was leaving the dashes in left right and centre I mean Jackie's dead

25:30Vogue Williams:so I just I just do you know what she should have just you either go with it or you just do nothing because like it's the explanation that got me like oh come on don't start hitting us with that shit

25:43Joanne McNally:But it's the assassination of a president. Like, it's going to be used in various situations. It's not like a discreet death, you know? Like, it was the same with Kathy Griffin when she held up Trump's bloodied head. People were outraged. She's like, it's art. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

25:59Vogue Williams:I do, I love that, but like some excuses, I'm just like, oh God, whatever. Do you remember what Winona Ryder said when she was caught robbing all those clothes? Remember, she used to be a kleptomaniac and she would just go around robbing clothes and she was like an A-lister. She basically, her excuse to the police was that she was researching for a role. And I actually thought that was a pretty impressive excuse.

26:19Joanne McNally:Yeah, yeah, I know. He said, yeah, well, you can research for it in prison. Off you go. I don't think anything happened to her. But yeah, she was trying to rob a lot of Chanel scarves. Yeah. But Ona kind of fell off the side of the earth there. I think it was addiction issues, but she's back now. She's doing great.

26:33Vogue Williams:She was in Stranger Things, I saw. Your man, your friend had very strong feelings for her. David Harbour supposedly had very strong feelings for her.

26:42Joanne McNally:Really? Yeah. Mesmerised, they said. Apparently the girl in Stranger Things, Imo, can you please feed me her name? Millie Bobby Brown. Millie Bobby Brown. Yeah. Already had accused David Harbour of bullying and harassment on the set of Stranger Things. So it's not a good year for David.

27:02Vogue Williams:Not a great... Did you dress up as him in the end or no? Oh, yeah. Sorry. You did, yeah. I know you couldn't wait to get into the Halloween series. Sure, I saw you at Battersea Park. fireworks there having a great time you're having a ball you know me anything with the kids

27:15Joanne McNally:anything with the kids can you trick or treat as a grown up is it inappropriate I would say

27:20Vogue Williams:get away with it I'd go to Ireland though great halls over there did you see people dressing up as the Louvre heist people yes I can't believe you don't think they're hot so they found I haven't seen them oh my god okay wait I want to get your natural reaction don't look don't look put the phone down okay these are supposedly the two men that we don't condone robbing obviously that basically stole from the Louvre thank you for thank you for telling them that Joanne steals but that's her own business I stay out of it okay steal from you pardon

27:54Joanne McNally:oh my more hot felons my god Jesus the felons are just getting hotter and hotter what is going on these two look like they've just walked out of a IMG models look at them they are stunning wait until you see now and I know by

28:09Vogue Williams:their necks that they're really built below because it's only a headshot but I know by those necks that they have There's roids

28:15Joanne McNally:There's roids in them their necks I can tell They are very attractive They are very attractive Look crime is sexy You know Look at all the women writing to criminals in prison and all Like crime is hot

28:25Vogue Williams:They could have been A-listers They're so hot Why do they bother with that And that's how they got away with it No one's going to think two hot guys like that good looking guys are going to walk in and rob the Louvre because they would think that they're like actors or models

28:40Joanne McNally:They're going to be to face a Gucci now in Paris Fashion Week within two years I'm telling you now and they're packing diamonds what's not to love? I'd love that. They're gathering it's hunter gather they're hunting and gathering no hold on we gather they're hunting we gather don't we are we the gatherers?

28:59Vogue Williams:I just I just think though like what are they going to get what are they going to get in prison because they haven't killed anyone it's just it's robbery but I know it's like you can't say you can't say oh this is this is more robbery than robbery of something else like it's the same level I'd say robbery's robbery

29:16Joanne McNally:I'd say there's maybe some law written in for Napoleon's bits I'd say if it's something I'd say Napoleon's bits have an extra layer of robbery attached to them like I don't think it's the same as like you know shoplift I don't like you've Winona Ryder robbing and then you've robbing Napoleon's crown from the Louvre it does feel a little extra

29:40Vogue Williams:what I will say is Winona Ryder was Robin and Chanel so like that feels like that feels like the same level if I'm Robin and Stake if I'm Robin and Stake from co-op not the same you couldn't anyway because they're all in the back but anyway if I'm Robin and Stake from co-op yeah it's not the same

29:59Joanne McNally:as the Louvre it's just not yeah no you're right but I feel like I mean I'd be surprised if they just get a slap on the wrist now I think they're going to end up doing some pretty hard time and wait until you see the amount of fan mail those lads get I might even write to them myself

30:11Vogue Williams:See now I can understand why you'd fancy them but I don't I never got that CEO killer because like he just killed somebody he didn't know and there's all these people and fans Juliana what's his name again? The mayor No not the mayor the guy who killed the CEO what was his name? Oh yeah Luigi Mangiore Yeah and all his fans I don't get that now that's not he's a murderer

30:35Joanne McNally:While we're here folk you're going to help me promote my side hustle. Oh, the bags. Oh my God. The bags? No, sorry, the stand up. I'm actually going to...

30:47Vogue Williams:Joanne sent me a gift to bags the other day and I was like, I'd never seen the inserts before and I was trying to make that into a bag myself. I was like, this is fun. And then I was like, oh, it goes in there.

30:57Joanne McNally:Goes in the big bag. It's the baby bag. Sorry, I was taking the piss when I said my side hustle was stand up because it's my main hustle. But you're right, I actually do have a side hustle. So that was confusing. So as we know, I'm on the road with Penophile and my Killarney dates are coming up 14th, 15th, 21st and 22nd of November I'm in Killarney the Dublin dates are gone but I also have do you know where I've room? Where? Belfast 22nd, 23rd of November? of January sorry I should have said that

31:31Vogue Williams:It's a wonder why she's got room up in Belfast there isn't it?

31:35Joanne McNally:I totally forgot to mention of two shows in Belfast in January 2026 on the 22nd, 23rd. There's other ones but I can't see them offhand. But yeah, tell your Belfast mates. Tell your Belfast mates to go and your Killarney mates.

31:50Vogue Williams:We had a great time in Killarney. God, I was violently hungover. Jesus. We did. No, were you? Oh, we had an accident. Yeah, we had an accident of the... Did we? We had too much fun. It was an accidental fun evening. Do you not remember? Oh, it was bad. And then you had two fun evenings, but I kept it to one. Oh, did I? I had one and a half fun, so you had two fun ones. Yeah. It's because Davina Devine. Davina Devine is on the road. No. I'm so deep.

32:23Joanne McNally:No. I remember I was going out with a guy at the time, and he was like, if you're going out with Davina again, I was like, I'm sorry, we're kindred spirits. He's like, I'm not going to see you for days.

32:34Vogue Williams:Do you remember in Cork? We were in Cork. I think we were doing four nights or something in Cork and you and Davina you were in the room next door to me but I went and like you and Davina had told me that you were in the room and it was like 10 o 'clock at night and I literally went up to your door and I was going to go in for one drink and I put my hand on the door handle and I said no Vogue don't don't do it and I actually backed away and I went into my room and well

33:03Joanne McNally:was I happy I didn't knock on that door you're like do you know those I watch them the TV shows about medium detectives where they touch something and like all this vision comes into their head and they can tell the future and the past and that was what you yeah you were fed information

33:17Vogue Williams:that happened to me I was like just backing away slowly from the door hoping you wouldn't hear me two bitches didn't even text me

33:31Joanne McNally:the amount of biz we put away and that goes to tour my god my god I know I know the glory days huh

33:39Vogue Williams:it was so much fun

33:48Vogue Williams:okay I'm bringing something back you ready oh thank god is it collats no pedal pushers though I've actually got a pair on the way pedal pushers are back they're back my calves can't wait I only bought I bought a pair and now I'm going to have to return them because my calves are not gorgeous you fantastic calves listen they'll be exploding out the back of them I'm not sure that the pedal pushers are going to work for me but I'm going to give it a go

34:22Joanne McNally:like your man the Hulk he just rips through all his clothes calves pushing out the back

34:30Vogue Williams:a boot company got on to Louisa do you not remember that they were like they do boots for like oversized calves they wanted to work with me and I was like thanks for thinking of me but like no it's a polite no but I would like two pairs please I do

34:46Joanne McNally:I do remember because I used to have larger calves than I do now and I think my calves have gotten a little smaller from cycling but I I remember that I fucking cycle everywhere mine are going the opposite well do you know what yours are yours are strong that's what yours is it's muscle okay great and everyone's so intimidated by me go on and everyone is intimidated by you and everyone's jealous if there's anyone gives you any shit they're jealous intimidated done exactly exactly but like that is muscle like there's people who are literally getting implants in their calves to have the calves that you have that's a compliment

35:27Vogue Williams:yeah Joanne they're men the men are getting implants I don't want implants in my calves for fuck's sake

35:33Joanne McNally:but I remember myself struggling to get boots remember when like the knee boots were really in when I was younger so I'm really disappointed you didn't face that boot company because I would have appreciated the heads up when I was young because I needed special boots and I have to

35:48Vogue Williams:I have to send back do you remember I don't know if you'll know loads of people buy these Paris Texas boots and they're really gorgeous gorgeous boots oh yeah desperate for a pair of them got one couldn't get it above the ankle yeah they're not inclusive

36:03Joanne McNally:they're not inclusive and they're making them for these little twiggy legs and you're like come on we're real women here

36:08Vogue Williams:we're not well some women have mainly women have twiggy legs but I don't

36:13Joanne McNally:I remember being I was going out with a guy at the time we were in a pub and a woman walked in and she had great legs and he was admiring her legs and I said because I can't make I have to make everything about myself when it comes to my boyfriends I can't have them look anywhere else or I get I'd like start spiralling so I was like I've got legs like that my legs are the same as hers Do you know, this is kind of very childish. And he looked at me and he went, ah, no, Joanne. He's like, I'm willing to lie to you about some stuff, but I'm not lying to you about that. I was like, you fucking prick.

36:43Joanne McNally:Fuck you.

36:45Vogue Williams:That is not what I was going to talk about. Anyway.

36:47Joanne McNally:Sorry, Spoofer of the Week.

36:49Vogue Williams:Spoofer of the Week is back.

36:52Joanne McNally:Spoofer of the Week.

36:58Vogue Williams:Now, you know what? what you want and I are like this will maybe not last beyond this week but we're taking it back the queens of inconsistency yeah spoof of the week I had to do it because it's driving me it's driving me up the goddamn walls Kevin Federline yep

37:15Joanne McNally:spoofer of the week I keep seeing 24-7 spoofing like I mean he's next level spoof he's high end there's top tier spoofers there's middle of the range and then there's kind of people who dabble in spoofing and he is he is a professional it's 24-7 a job for him.

37:30Vogue Williams:He is absolutely spoofed out of it. He is. So if I watch his memoir.

37:36Joanne McNally:Yeah, are you going to explain why you think he's a spoofer? No, Joanne, that's your job.

37:41Vogue Williams:I read the emails. Sorry. Sorry.

37:47Joanne McNally:Sorry, I'll explain your bit. Eyeball the good bits after.

37:53Vogue Williams:We just need a brief explanation of why we're here.

37:55Joanne McNally:Kevin Federline, Kevi Feds, is, has, as we all know unless you've been living under a rock released a memoir just in time for around the time that her child alimony payments have run out that Britney's paying for Kevin and the kids because all the kids have turned 18 or 21 I think when they turned 18 Kevin moved into Hawaii because the real there was 21 and yeah and then he does this kind of thing where he basically slags her off in his memoir and then says like I only want the best for her and we're like you're full of shit and I even though I love to be across pop culture things I am not going to engage with the book because I'm not giving him the credit.

38:34Joanne McNally:And when I say the credit I mean my audible credits.

38:36Vogue Williams:No, we're not going to read it we're not going to listen to it. But now can I tell you about his divorce settlement? So he basically got around 1 million to 1.3 million as a settlement fee. On top of that he's had 40 grand a month for 20 years. So for two decades 40 grand a month. And now that's up and now he's decided to bring out a book on Britney and it is like the stuff that he's saying, he's basically like, he said that he found, she was drinking when she was pregnant. She was doing cocaine when she was breastfeeding. She used to, this was the worst one where she said that, he said that the boys would wake up and she'd be standing at the door of their room just staring in at them with a knife in her hand.

39:16Vogue Williams:And when they'd say, is everything okay? She'd say, yeah. And just like lightly pad off.

39:21Joanne McNally:Sorry. Pad off. It makes her sound like she's in an asylum. Also, I could easily be chopping vegetables and walk and decide to check on my kids. Stop trying to make it sound like she is, you know, a serial killer. Maybe she was opening packages. Maybe she was, exactly. Do you know what I mean? She's still using those knives. She's obviously attached to them. Maybe she was dancing like she does.

39:43Vogue Williams:She was mid-routine. But anyway, she has come out and said that he's gaslighting her and stuff like that. But I think he is a spoofer because the bullshit of him releasing the memoir and trying to be like, basically trying to be like, I'm doing this for her own good. like I've always wanted the best for her. You're doing your arse. You literally want her money and you're not like, you don't want the best for her. You're not being helpful by doing this. She probably isn't in a great place. I think that we can all see that. And I think that he is a spoofer and a wanker out there.

40:13Joanne McNally:I had, I actually did a video about it and I was saying, I made, I can't remember what I said. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Yeah, I completely agree. I think ratting someone out, exposing all their deepest, darkest secrets, while you've been living off them financially for several years is you're a scum. It's the lowest of the low. First we're a scum, second we're a bag. That's you, Kevin. And I wish...

40:40Vogue Williams:Did you see about Sia's husband though? They're all at it. Sia's getting divorced from her husband and like he basically wants this, he wants 250 grand a month in spousal support and 77 grand a month in child support because although he used to be a radiation oncologist, he said that he hasn't worked for years so would have to retrain, so has to be in the same level of lifestyle that he was with her. And it's like, sometimes that bullshit actually works in court where the judge is like, okay, like he wants like, he wants 327 grand a month. Who needs that? What the fuck? Are you buying a house?

41:19Joanne McNally:That's a lot of ASOS holes. Well, yay. But do you know what it's got? And I hold my hands up and say I am a raving hypocrite. And I talk about it in my new stand-up show and I do say, like, I do think there's different reels for men and women. But if a woman got that in her divorce, I'd be like, get it, girl. When a man does it, I'm like, pathetic. Hideous. Very unattractive. Well, girl diggers. There's something particularly unattractive about it. There really is. It's really off-putting.

41:48Vogue Williams:I think time has to come into it, though. I do. Because, like, when you look at the likes of, like, J-Lo, I remember she married that dancer fellow. She was married to him for one year and he got 14 million off her. Why does he get 14 million for being married to her for a year? Why? Yeah, 14 million. Do you know what I also found weird? Last one, sorry I went to deep diving. Guy Ritchie and Madonna. Guy Ritchie. Guy Ritchie, who's a very famous and like well-to-do director, got around 76 to 92 million off Madonna. What? How does that make sense?

42:21Joanne McNally:Oh my God. I know. because they have kids together don't they I know they have one kid together

42:29Vogue Williams:I think one kid why does he need 92 million

42:31Joanne McNally:I think if you've lived with someone who's loaded then you are you're entitled to maintain that lifestyle you're lucky I didn't divorce you when I moved out I would have been entitled to all sorts I'm taking the housekeepers

42:44Vogue Williams:and the cars and the helicopter let's bring the helicopter you can have the helicopter I don't want it anymore

42:54Joanne McNally:I've become accustomed folk it is now my legal right to have chefs PJs

43:02Vogue Williams:and three children that's not what I have just in case anyone doesn't realise that is a joke please don't write about it I don't own a helicopter jokes and I don't have a chef and yes or three children or yes

43:18Joanne McNally:one of them's a cut out the other two there was work law work labour laws for fairies she had a third

43:30Vogue Williams:well thank you all so much for listening that's been a fantastic listen we started on a quite a low point but we've entered on a high I would say I think so

43:40Joanne McNally:I think so Chod Labour Laws is always a sweet one to go out on I think

43:44Vogue Williams:happy Friday well done keep sending us your emails to

43:52Joanne McNally:oh do you know that someone mailed did I tell you I got a message off a woman saying that I don't she's like I don't believe you write that bareboy vogue email she's like you sent it to yourself we certainly did not I mean if we were emailing ourselves Jo would be thrilled I'd say because he'd love more emails coming in but we do not send emails to ourselves

44:10Vogue Williams:Jo's lucky we even arrived I had someone yesterday mail me about him I said I bought three of those mattresses for my house in Ireland she goes you did you're shite buy three of them for your house in Ireland and I was like well I actually did. Do you want to prove the receipts? I had bunk beds. I had to buy three mattresses. It's like, why would I lie? Yeah, why would... Is she suggesting you didn't pay for the mattresses?

44:30Joanne McNally:Or is she suggesting you only got two and you're just flexing? I think she's just suggesting

44:34Vogue Williams:that there's no way I could have bought three mattresses. But I did buy three mattresses. There's no laws against buying three mattresses, bitch. And I'll buy ten mattresses if I want. But I don't need any more mattresses now. I'm all right for now. Okay.

44:54Vogue Williams:This has been a Global Player original production.