MTGM EXTRA! "He might like to try pegging..."

0:02This is a Global Player original podcast.

0:10Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me and when I say we have had one of the greatest emails of all time. Don't oversell it. It's top three Joanne, it is top three, it's pretty epic. Do you think I look like Mala? I said to Jo, he doesn't know what Mala is. Mala's plasticine. But do you think I look like that? Is that just me seeing that on the screen? Well you do your skin looks insanely perfect. Yeah have I put a filter on this by some miraculous way? I hope so. You possibly have. You might be being filtered at the moment. I look like I have gone back to my Facetune days and I've just rubbed out my nose again.

0:52You do look weirdly good. I don't look this good I just checked I saw my seat and I checked and I said oh no no no no something's wrong with the laptop

1:03Joanne McNally:imagine there is no filter and you're just like oh my god I look so good I've been accidentally filtered this is like when I was in Cape Town and Ross my friend who was with me took photos and he put them up and I was like god I look amazing I was like did you did you fucking filter them Ross did you face tune them he's like no I was like you did he's like I might have done a little bit of fidgeting I was like tell me because now I'm an accidental catfish. Do you know what I mean? Nothing is real. You can do it like this. No one's doing anything without a Paris filter. Come on, let's be honest.

1:35Oh God. Everyone gets the Paris.

1:36Joanne McNally:Yeah, I'm raw dogging it on the internet. Are you mad at 42? I'll Paris my fucking coffee. I just, everything gets Paris. It's just a twitch. I'm like, picture Paris. Picture Paris. Yeah. It has to be. Are we talking about the Kardashians or not? I didn't bring you back. You didn't bring me back. Well, because I was in the taxi and I thought the taxi driver would think I was shown off talking about Kim Kardashian. Time stood. Okay, I'll give context. Excuse me. I, as any listener will know, I have a deep, probably strange and scary obsession with the Kardashians. I've loved them since day one.

2:15I particularly am fond of Kim Kardashian. She is just like, I just love her. I'm sorry and I'm not sorry as well. She is my, I love her. She's my idol. some people choose Mother Teresa I say Kim Kardashian and I I got to Disney asked me to interview her for her new show All's Fair and I was interviewing Sarah Paulson Naomi Watts and Nisi Nash and Tiana Taylor and Kim Kardashian who is my dream so the whole week was kind of like I was just in this just like not myself because I was so nervous and so anxious about meeting her anyway went to the premiere we spoke about that and time stood still not just for me for everyone

2:55Joanne McNally:really now I'd say she's mauler faced like oh natural not natural I mean obviously she's doing her bits and bobs but I'd say up close she's got quite a quite a perfect look I thought I thought she'd be more maulet to be honest with you and that's what everyone was most excited about to see what she smelled like she kind of smelled like leather because she was wearing a leather dress but she wasn't as maulet as I thought she'd be like I thought she was gonna like have layers and layers like what I look like there and the listeners can't see but layers and layers of makeup on and like you wouldn't really be able to see her actual features but she didn't look like that.

3:29That's refreshing. Now she'd love

3:32Joanne McNally:to make them on but so did I. Yeah but you forget that these people have pores. Do you know what I mean? You're like yeah these people have pores. I didn't see a pore. I didn't suggest a pore. Christ I didn't see a line or a pore obviously. Sorry. So she walked onto the carpet and I've done those red carpet things. Someone said to me as well out. They were like, we invited Joanne, but she's on tour. And I was like, this would be Joanne McNally's idea of actual hell. I was like, she would not want to do a red carpet. No, I'm not a red carpet girly. I've just not. I don't like them. I said to her, I was like, sometimes when we walk out of Global, there might be a pop and she'll literally sprint like I've never seen her sprint.

4:16Joanne McNally:I do a red carpet if it's a show I'm in myself. but I wouldn't go to that much effort and work for something I'm not in just to get a little Getty image couldn't be arsed so here's yeah here's my thing I have realised that I like working at things and like that's how I go and do it and then I'll get my pictures taken but when she came onto the carpet it was like everyone just just held their breath and like everybody just turned around and stopped what they were doing turned around and just stared at her and I was like that is I've never seen it with anyone else and I've seen famous people on the red carpet.

4:51Nobody near what she did. It was like, it was like everybody was just waiting for her. It was mental. She's kind of like a hot Jesus, isn't she?

5:01Joanne McNally:Yeah, she's hot Jesus. Is she like a hot Jesus? Is that like, is that an insane analogy? She is probably the most famous woman alive. Is she? I think so. She's got 350 million Instagram followers. I'd follow her onto the arc. She's like Noah. Noah and his arc. even after all the Starbucks and the fucking even after all her controversy she still got 350 million do you remember people were trying to get her cancelled it's like it's like what was she getting cancelled for it's like trying to cancel the moon like you can't cancel her she's too big you can't cancel Kim Kardashian but I saw Kris Jenner as well up close go on how's the facelift looking let's get into the let's get into the big news the important stuff can you see the stitches are there staples how are the scars Well, have you seen all that stuff that's gone around?

5:51And it's like, this is what her facelift actually looks like without all the filters. Yes. Not true. Now, she was wearing sunglasses. I will. And everyone looks hotter with sunglasses. And it does hide a lot. But she looked unreal. She didn't have wrinkles and stuff like that. Her face was taut. And this guy that I was with from Disney, etc. Because he goes to all of them. He was like, oh, my God, you look amazing. And she goes, I know. that's what I say now she does she had this fella going around with this massive light as well taking her pictures but I got caught in a really uncomfortable position because I was up at this podium and I was talking to Sarah Paulson who's really really funny she's an actress in it the thing I will say and I loved doing it but like you have to stick to certain questions when you're doing stuff like this like you know when if we had someone on the pod or something like that we'd just be like blah blah blah blah blah whatever you can do whatever you want you have to kind of like you can sneak a few bits in but you have to be very careful there's people all over the place.

6:47But, so she came over to me and I was, I was unusually calm but I felt like I was in Jesus. Who, sorry, I've lost track.

6:54Joanne McNally:Who are we talking about now? Kim. Oh, sorry, I'll tell you about the awkward moments. Sorry, first. The awkward moment before, so I'm interviewing Sarah Paulson then on my other side is Kris Jenner and her and Sarah Paulson are talking but they're talking quite close and I'm just kind of literally standing there in the middle of them just being like, and one's at one shoulder and one's at the other shoulder and then, And then like they're talking about going to Chloe's house and that like they wanted to meet Chloe. And I was like, can I come? And I'm trying to get home. Did you do that thing?

7:23Joanne McNally:Do you remember I did that in a dressing room once to someone and you were there? I'm not going to say their name. Do you remember? No. You do. You do. Do you remember we went and she said she was going for lunch with Demi Moore. Yeah. And I jokingly to kind of break the ice because it felt like such an insane name drop was like, oh, can I come? haha like and she said no no no it's just yeah she treated it like it's a genuine question oh god no no no i don't think so it's just it's just pick me yeah it's like i'm obviously taking the piss so you had one of those moments i'm delighted i had one of those moments where i was in the middle of the two of them but anyway what could you do like i'm like i'm honestly like i'm I'm like a sewer rat just yeah I love the deep you have to fill your time that's what I think part of those jobs that make them really difficult is there's a lot of filler you have to fill a lot of stuff whether it be time or you have to there's a lot of time you're kind of standing on your own you know you have to kind of look relaxed all the time yeah yeah because I'd be licking the wolf I know but I did have a bit of help with my baby blocker but Kim came over then and and so basically we were up on this podium all had been set up for her and the lighting.

8:39You've never seen a lighting like this at a premiere. I was mad about myself until I got off the podium and then I realised I was ugly again.

8:48Joanne McNally:Maybe this is why you look so good. Maybe you've just been touched by the Kardashians. Maybe you've just rubbed off them and a little bit of their, I don't know, a little bit of their beauty has kind of latched onto your face. She's been anointed. You've been anointed. You're like a vision now. Like you're one of Nock. Like that woman of Nock. I was going to say like the Hocus Pocus girls. Yeah. Do you mean death becomes her? No, in Hocus Pocus where Beth Middle sucks the youth out of the kids. Yes. You're like the witches. Yeah. I'm part of their covent. Is it a covenant or a covent? Convent?

9:29Covenant?

9:29Joanne McNally:You should know. You're in it. You've joined the Kardashian convent. Keep us in the loop. oh my god I'm going to be getting younger by the day but then we had to they were like Kim can't walk up the stairs she couldn't walk in the dress so we had to we all were like running down like making sure that we got her so I only got her the other two people beside me didn't get her so I was absolutely thrilled and then everyone was so happy for me from Disney because they knew how obsessed I was and they were like it was like I had like won the lottery they were like well done I'm so happy for you are you saying that two other people got all dolled up and did their bits and bobs got onto the red carpet and then didn't get to interview her they got everyone else they didn't get him oh it's not very practical to wear a dress that you can't use stairs in she's always doing this shit Jo remember she wore a thing of bandages before she was just bandaged up like a sprained ankle I did ask her I was like at the Met Gala could you see or not and she goes why would I need to see I was like wow that's an iconic answer because it just led everyone just parts they see parts people part People do part her She is some kind of messiah Maybe Was she born around Easter time?

10:41Why would I need to see?

10:43Joanne McNally:That is hilarious Did we think Jesus would come back and drive a Tesla? No No we didn't Did we think Jesus would come back and have five Lamborghinis Repeatedly given away by Kanye West? No The world works in mysterious ways Well anyway I'm still on a high But then, you know, I came down real hard on Thursday. I was like, I've never had anything like it because I had a busy week anyway. But like, it was like I crashed and like I have to do something on Thursday morning. I had to be really on form. So I managed to get through that. But after that, I was like, my brain is not working. That is it.

11:19It's on holidays now. And I've started to feel normal again today. But I think when you've, I put so much pressure on myself because I was so nervous about it. That, yeah, I kind of just died yesterday. It's weird. it was like I was hung over but I hadn't drank yeah

11:33Joanne McNally:it's your social battery I had a day off yesterday no day work no night work so a full 24 hours off I woke up at half 10 in the morning went absolutely not went straight back to sleep woke up again at half 12 went to the cage watched two films opened a bottle of wine at four drank half foot had three packets of crisps made some calls didn't answer a single call tried to call me tried to call me half fist yeah wasn't she wasn't having it didn't accept a single inbound call cancelled all inbound calls made a couple of outbound calls then finished the bottle of wine took a nap sent some emails that I'd been putting off for a while woke back up again watched two more films had a margarita went back to sleep when I say I've eaten I don't know how many packets of crisps there's crisps everywhere in the flat there's bags of them everywhere it was one of the most glorious days of my adult life

12:31Joanne McNally:The two of you are actually interrupting my morning. I'm in the middle of listening to Lily Allen's new album. Oh. Well, well, well. Is it loads about the ex? It's all about the breakdown of a marriage. People are saying it's like a masterclass. A friend of mine texted me saying David Harbour is literally deleting his Spotify and throwing his phone in the Hudson. It is amazing. I don't like him for her, though. I don't like him for her. if you didn't like him before if you didn't like him before you're certainly not going to like him now it's brilliant Lily fire chef's kiss it's fantastic do you know what we discussed we discussed there's two ways of dealing with fuckheads like him you either take the high road and say nothing and we always respect that we're like fair play to her she's bitten her tongue and said nothing or you do what Lily Allen does and write a whole album about it I kind of think she's been quite classy about it though as well I don't think that she well I haven't listened to the album I think that she hasn't she hasn't gone in that hard him on the press considering what he did.

13:30Joanne McNally:Firstly, sorry, just to clarify, this isn't a class thing. I think this is wonderful what she's doing. I just think there's two ways of handling a situation and I'm in awe of both of them because we're out here dealing with these lads and, you know, it's an absolute head melt. Like, she went into a basically sectioned herself after it. That's how much it affected. But this is word for word what happened. It starts at the very beginning of their relationship where they moved to New York and bought a brownstone and she got cast in that play. The first song is called West End Girl. She got cast in the play as the lead in the play and she says that he was weird about it and she flew home and that song finishes with a phone call from him where he's basically saying, I want to open the marriage.

14:09Oh my God.

14:10Joanne McNally:And then we're in. And we're away. I mean, like, it's just but you know as well, I think for her I always think success is great revenge as well and she's been so successful since when she's, like, she got like, everyone thought she was amazing in her play Now she's doing another play. Now she's got this album. Like, I love that for her. This is phenomenal. It's phenomenal. In fact, I need to wrap this up because I need to go back and finish it.

14:38Joanne McNally:Honestly, Lily, like, fair play. Because you know the way, like, we've worked with people before Vogue where they're like, don't, you know, don't drag other people into, like, a public spat and don't, you know, and it is good advice. But my God, this is also, I just really admire it. Do you know what? I'm kind of jealous of her in a way because there's been loads of times where I have wanted to, both of you know that as well, that I have wanted to speak out publicly on certain things. And I just, I'm always told not to and just told to leave her because if you speak out, it just makes it worse.

15:07It does drag more press into it. And like when you're going through a hard time with something and you can't stop it because you can't actually come out and tell the truth about it. You just hope people will know that loads of the shit is bullshit and you can't do it. So I'm kind of jealous that she can do it because I'm more of a keep your mind shut. It will go away. you know what your own truth is but at the same time I just want to be like no

15:25Joanne McNally:yeah but she but she's taking revenge on her ex-husband which is different you're trying to you've been on the receiving end of rumours that weren't true that you were trying to get your side across whereas this is only Lily's side like she's speaking her truth and she's it's about her ex-husband because he absolutely destroyed her do you know what I mean and he's no comeback because all of it's true it's not like she's exactly all of it will have gone through legal and stuff like that because you have to if you're speaking about something. There's a whole song called Madeleine. I don't know if that's the real woman's name, but the song is called Madeleine.

16:00Joanne McNally:The song before it stops with, who the fuck is Madeleine? And then the next song is all about Madeleine. Like, it's brilliant. Well done, Lily. God, I can't wait. We love. Well done, Lily. I think it's one of the best albums she's ever brought out, even though I haven't finished listening to it, because obviously, you know, I'm always bet into adultery. Dear Joanne, Jo, and what is about to be a proud, distressed Vogue. Oh, I'm scared. Oh yeah, also you should brace yourself too. I know that I will meet you guys in an upcoming event but would love to tell you this in person just to see the reaction but my Catholic shame is too great.

16:37My boyfriend had a few drinks in him once and our conversation got very intimate. On the topic of fantasies, he nervously suggested that he might like to try pegging. Fair, and we're in.

16:49Joanne McNally:Yeah, fine. We're in. My people pleasing habits are such that I rushed to reassure him that this was absolutely not an unusual request. Sure, isn't there a Pornhub category for it? Well, actually, I don't know. Do you know? There probably is. Of course there is. There's a Pornhub category for like soup, do you know what I mean? Is there? Well, I must check it out. You know what I mean. And I'd have no qualms with it at all. in my vain effort to come across as nonchalant I even ordered the necessary equipment that night and emotionally prepped for the next few days Amazon bless them next day delivery emergency pegging done yeah you can probably get that on Zap now to be honest I've got loads of stuff on there I'll make something from the kitchen utensil cupboard what does the match you do it you don't want it to break mid peg on the night that sounds like I peg I've never done it I swear never know I might do in the future on the night in question we needed a few drinks to loosen up but when it came down to it it was really something we could only manage with the lights very low embarrassment was high confidence and trust were tested and lube was a plenty let me repeat that important tip lube was a plenty yeah afterwards I nipped the lube sit in the dark and stripped off leaving all equipment there to be dealt with in the morning I was absolutely wrecked turns out the male hip thrust is not something the female pelvis is built for hold on, hold on I need to understand that sorry, read that line to me again I was absolutely wrecked turns out the male hip thrust is not something the female pelvis is built for okay, because I'm not good with logistics I'm not good with logistics so she's thrusting hard enough, is that it?

18:40Joanne McNally:no, she's just tired from the thrusting She's knackered Okay Yeah Got it in my house Okay Next morning I woke up Very smug I was obviously Such a cool girlfriend This man had not only Trusted me with his fantasy But allowed himself To be so vulnerable with me I was determined To continue the morning Casually and not make A big deal of the whole experience Bleary eyed I went to the bathroom Pausing To try process The browned Handprint On my white Bathroom door as I raised my hand up to assess it I was shocked and disturbed to see how brown my hand was also to such an extent I turned back to the bed to check if my boyfriend still had his intestine intact such was the extent of the smearing oh god yeah yeah listen you fuck around you'll find out do you know what I mean well like this is where we've got to stay strapped in okay fine okay oh To my absolute horror, I saw what can only be described as a murder scene on the bed, except it wasn't red, it was brown, and yet the smell was extremely pleasant.

19:51Oh.

19:55Going over to the brown-smeared locker drawer, I realised to my horror that the large bottle of lube remained intact, but my ultra-dark, bare-by-voke tan bottle... what decimated oh my god oh my god oh my arising from a slumber after a hard night of it my boyfriend sat up to the image of me naked with slashes of dark brown across my tummy and thighs the bedsheets smangled into a brown frenzy and his poor arse, well, let's just say, he didn't expose himself for a considerable length of time, but at least the fade was even and there wasn't a streak to be seen. Needless to say, that was the end of the kink pursuits, but on occasion I like to slap on some Bear by Vogue just as a micro-power trip and laugh hysterically as I do it.

21:03So thank you, Vogue, for the multifaceted product I hope I hate you, Brett. Have you not seen the face mist? That is shaped like a phallic. You could even need to go. Is it? I have it. Yeah. You could have used the tan, the ultra dark and the phallic face mist. Oh my God, I have to send it to my business partner. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I feel like we have to issue a warning. Don't insert Bare by Vogue face mist into yourself. Please don't do that.

21:32Joanne McNally:Jo, it's you or you to tell women what they can do with Vogue's face mist. I'm just saying we're not recommending you do it. This is a female-led podcast. Don't mansplain to them how they can get off. Put whatever you want in there. Exactly. That's fine. Is there any way I could put this on a Trustpilot or something? Yeah, it can be used as loop. While not recommended, it has been known to be used. Many uses. Yeah. Does Bear Boy Vote come with, does it say, not for internal use? Well I think that's kind of self explanatory when you like Yeah Be surprised Well I am surprised Oh it does come out of your sheets by the way so don't worry about that Well done Fantastic Scratch You're welcome What a great email Thank you And aren't you lucky it wasn't the other thing That wouldn't have been great Now it could have been worse I think you should need to send this woman some Bare by Vogue I will send her some new ultra dark Jo You have to get her You have to get her dressed I don't even need to know her name I won't know your name don't worry I know it's probably a personal a personal topic that you've shared with kindly shared with so many people a fair play to you for doing the pegging fair play pat yourself in the back yeah yeah I mean it is kind to take people's needs on like that you know I don't know if I yeah I don't know if I'd have that I would I'd do it would you do would you do pegging yeah would you yeah if someone I was madly in love with.