MTGM EXTRA! "In support of Vogue..."

0:02This is a Global Player original podcast.

0:10Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Boe Williams and Joanne McNally. And Jo.

0:25I've no time to get my hair done by the way, so please don't get your hair done for our job later.

0:30Joanne McNally:Well Vogue you know you don't have to ask me twice not to get my hair done that's absolutely fine we're filming an ad for something later and we need to get her well hair done basically because you're well able to do your own hair I have this I have this level of hair blindness I would say to Lulu where I think I've done my own hair and then when I see the footage it looks like I've had sex upside down in a bin so I well Vogue Okay so we're not doing our hair You're not doing your hair I won't do my hair Now this is my makeup by the way because we can't have makeup on Because we're doing something for a really cool Skin care thing So we can't have makeup on so not only can we not I'm going to look like I've been decked Okay well Can I get my nails done Just for morale I'm not that happy About the nails but because I can do A better job of my hair you can get your nails done I also haven't tanned So I am going to look like Don't show Don't come I can't bear it You know I can't bear it We'll both turn up in bits Yeah Like the ad for us Say how great we look Yeah Please thank you Please and thank you It's like when I I did some content for Trini before And Trini Her team were like She wants to come over and film some Like skin care stuff with you And I was like Oh my god I love that Yes Trini Please come over immediately So anyway I actually booked hair and makeup because that's what you do when you're doing content for people you book hair and makeup but then like that it was a really early call time and because I'm a sloth I said you know what let's cancel the hair and makeup I'll just do it myself because I don't have to get up at 5am and then the team messaged me I think it was the night before or the morning of maybe I can't remember and they're like oh like it's because it's because Trinita's yeah because Trinita's makeup as well but because it was actually skincare they're like oh you need to be kind of you know like skin bare skinned and in your brassiere and I was like what?

2:33Joanne McNally:I'm in my 40s what bra did you wear? I'm in my 40s and you want me to be you want me to be raw dogging it on the internet in my face what bra did you wear? I'm more concerned by the bra oh no I wore a nice bra okay okay yeah I wore I didn't know you owned any I wore an appropriate bra yeah you've just seen some of the very natural relaxed t-shirt bra I don't feel the need to wear lingerie for you Look at my bra Look at my boobs in this bra Sorry Jo Come on Yeah because you have to wear push up bras So that's why you get nice bra I can feel a normal bra So I'm just there for comfort I have a full tit in here There's a full tit before my little peck goes in I can hear them echoing when you hit them Because they're empty inside Anyway I was more surprised have looked so embarrassing breastfeeding.

3:27Like what is she doing? There's nothing in there.

3:31Joanne McNally:Why is that man cosplaying breastfeeding? It's highly inappropriate. Someone call J.K. Rowling immediately. Get her on the case! Speaking of J.K. Rowling or Rowling whatever she's called. Neil Wilson absolutely has a serious problem with Daniel Radcliffe. I don't know where it's come from. Harry Potter Daniel's getting it is he? Oh very against Potter saying that he wouldn't watch any trash or drivel that Daniel Radcliffe or Dakota Johnson was in so it was both of them last night Wow I saw her once she's one of my celebrity spottings I saw her in LA Is she gorgeous and skin like glass? It was on a billboard No I'm kidding I did actually see her I saw her in real life yeah there was there was a there was this gorgeous hotel near where I was staying that I wasn't staying in but I would stay I would go there for lunch every day because I did this amazing chicken chopped salad and the most beautiful glass of white wine and it was all kind of like silver dining and they'd reveal your salad under one of those you know Was it Chateau Marmont?

4:42Joanne McNally:No it wasn't Chateau Marmont Closh under a Tadah Closh yeah Tadah Closh Tadah Closh yeah one of those Tadah so every day I'd go over for my Tadah chopped chicken salad it was delightful I genuinely wasn't going there because I thought it was I didn't understand it was for the schlebs but I I just went there because of the amazing chopped chicken salad anyway turned out it was quite the celeb spot and Dakota Johnson was in there one day and I was like American American celeb spotters American celeb spots are they're more intense they just are if I saw Daniel Radcliffe I'd just be like alright Dan what's the crack whereas with Dakota you're like oh my god it's it's Dakota Johnson and she's riding Chris Martin.

5:23Joanne McNally:Like, you know, there's all, and then there's all, you know, she's Matt Gwyneth Paltrow. There's all like the knock-on effects going through your tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk your file effects brain. And she looked just as beautiful. And at one point, I think she looked at me. I just don't think that's true, but okay. I think she did. Well, I walked past her and stared at her. I think she looked back. Oh, so she had no option. And there might have been a bit of fear in her eyes. Yeah, she felt threatened. That's just what I thought. Sorry, okay, Jo, yeah, fine. You said it. Not many celebs I would want to chase down and have a look at, but like I've been in St.

5:57Barthes. It's a very small island and I have been on St. Barthes at the same time as Leonardo DiCaprio. And he's spotted everywhere. Never clapped eyes on him. It really disappoints me. And when I go down the port, I'm like looking everywhere like a meerkat trying to find him. The port.

6:12Joanne McNally:I'd like to see him. He came out recently. He gets a terrible time because he likes to date young women. I don't really like, all men like to date young women. I don't think there's anything unusual about it. I think he just gets he just gets he just can that's the problem he's just able to do it the rest of the men just want to do it and can't he's crying I just fucking whatever leave him off but I think it's funny the whole too old for DiCaprio thing when he turned 23 but he did an interview recently where he said he because he's in his 50s now he turned 50 I think he's 52 or something is he 52 Joe no chance of fact checking there no I think he turned 50 something and he said that inside he feels 32 so it never really leaves 32 never leaves He says inside He'd be 51 this year 51 Feels 32 I would say I feel about I don't feel I don't feel my Well I feel my age at the moment Because she has not been sleeping And keeping me up all night So I feel I actually feel 50 I feel 52 But I usually feel about 29, 30 Yeah Yeah that makes sense I think you always feel about Maybe I can't speak for everyone but I think you always feel like 10 years younger than your age like I don't feel 16 like do you know what I mean you know you know you read these interviews with these elderly people in nursing homes and they're like inside I still feel like I'm 19 I'm like well that's weird you need to you need to move along now you need to mature you need to mature no one wants to feel that age either no you can't fucking do anything Joanne McNally guess what day it is today and I know listeners you're listening to it at a different time but like the excitement I Oh yeah Like it was Christmas morning today I cried I went down to go for a run With my friend Ashley Obviously listened to Oasis The whole way down Then I kind of cried Because I was like Oh my god it's Oasis day I didn't realise I was this into it I don't know either Crying But that's because you're not sleeping That's not because of Oasis No it is And it's also Maybe I'm a bit nervous about No later I don't know I just don't know What's going to go down and stuff You guys might make up We might make up I don't know But I just found out that we have a friend in common and that friend is very friendly with him and I never knew.

8:24Some links to Oasis. Is that me? Who is that? You don't know Oasis, okay? If you started going at Noel and didn't introduce me on purpose to annoy me, I would not be, I will not do the pod. That's what I'll do.

8:43Joanne McNally:We're doing a bit of time travel here because this pod comes out after the Oasis, when Oasis will be, done and dusted in Dublin. Croke Park will be back to its fieldy self. But Vogue is attending Oasis on the Saturday and I'm attending Oasis on the Sunday evening because I have a job on Sunday morning that I was like, I can't be hung out for. Vogue, are you, just checking, test, test. Are you invited to the after party? No? Oh, okay. Oh, no. Oh, okay. Well, I'll let you know how it goes. Well, how can I be invited to the after party when the after party is going to be after the second show? No no they have one after every show Do they yeah Well that's not true I know that's not true Hold on while I take Hold on while I take a long sip Of my evil coffee I know somebody Who works with Are you invited Are you invited to Are you invited to the Friends and Family Bar Oh There is none Joanne get me a ticket To that right now Get me a ticket Who got you a ticket for that I cannot reveal my sources But let me say There's been a lot of blowjobs Given if it makes you feel any better To be honest I'm not sure my jaw would ever be the same again.

9:49To be honest, I'm not just saying this. Because I love them so much, it's one of those situations where I wouldn't really want to be in the same room as them because I'd be too nervous and embarrassed. Well, you're lucky. I couldn't. I'm only taking the piss.

10:04Joanne McNally:I'm only taking the piss. Joanne, you hurt my feelings. Thank you. Do you know what? That's what feelings are for. I'm going to do absolutely nothing about that. No, but I would. They're the type of people because I do know somebody who is working with them and I wouldn't like I wouldn't it's a really weird thing you don't I don't think that well maybe you do love somebody as much as I love them but like do you know what I mean Joe like what are you going to say to them like what are you going to say if you meet Liam Gallagher like hello you sound like a dick whatever you say no I just would rather not do it apparently there's all sorts going on at the Oasis concerts but one person was telling a story Grace Campbell told me that I don't know if it was someone she knew or she'd heard it I can't remember during champagne supernova they were like covered something kind of covered them like someone it was like ash or something and they're like what is this and there was a guy emptying his brother's ashes out yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah during champagne supernova I'd rather the pint of piss I wouldn't mind ashes being put on me I actually wouldn't mind ashes either I'd be like okay it's kind of sentimental You'd rather have A pint of piss Being poured on you No way I would not like A pint of piss Being poured on you Well if you breathe in And it goes like in In your lungs Body to body In the words of Samantha Mumba Body to body Yeah Yeah Funk to funky Do you know what I mean We're all here to Rock your body Like you're You're going to be Ashes one day anyway Jo It's true Get over it You know Did you see that fella Who spilt all those Ashes on the plane And he was crying His eyes out It was a Who was it On the air hostess It was his mother And the air hostess Was trying to But also like You probably wouldn't Like I wouldn't be I wouldn't mind If someone poured ashes on me But like I wouldn't really be dying To get my hands in them either Do you know what I mean I just don't think I'd I was crying What kind of Vessel did he use That it was so easy To spill Like come on An urn An urn Just a regular urn You wouldn't even I've There's more Sealed sandwich bags Like Like that's I'd be suing I'd be I'd certainly be asking for answers from the urn company if it was that easy to spill someone's ashes what do you do?

12:23Joanne McNally:No no no no actually do you know what you do? That's a simple fix. Hoover them up. Hoover it up. Yeah and then empty them back into the urn. Yeah come on. So empty the hoover then fill the hoover up with the ashes with your loved one. Take the hoover bag with you Grant. Yeah suction up your loved one into the belly of a Dyson. Stop fucking crying about nothing. You tell them, Valk. I think it's just probably the shock. You're like, oh my God, that's really disrespectful that I'm just like... But some people leave there, like they just get left in a garage or something. At least like you're being taken around the world.

12:55Be grateful.

13:05Joanne McNally:If you spill my ashes. And I don't think... I feel really sick about that Oasis comment, by the way. You've really thrown me now For the rest of the pod Put your best friends at Noel and Liam Not telling me about it Well Jesus Christ I don't want any more I feel anxious I felt bad and then took it back But it is actually true Listen Why are you trying to ruin Oasis Day? This is like my Christmas I don't even like Christmas Day As much as I like today Two months ago You didn't even know who Noel Gallagher was Majella My au pair Took me to see Oasis When I was 12 It was my first gig I ever went to get lost well my first gig was Michael Jackson did you get to go and see Michael Jackson?

13:48Joanne McNally:well Michael Jackson was playing an outdoor concert in Cork in what age am I? it was probably 1933 and my parents drove to Cork and we sat on the wall outside wherever it was with our Michael Jackson headbands on because we obviously wouldn't they weren't bringing us inside but we sat outside we could hear it perfectly Yeah We were just two kids on a wall With our Michael Jackson headbands on I mean if you're going down Just to listen And not see him Would you not just No we did see I think we We did see him I think there were screens and all I do I very much My feeling was that I was very much involved You know I was part of the concert That's cute Yeah It was the 80s I don't think my friends Ever took me to concerts No one paid for anything It was the 80s Everyone was Everyone was on the hustle On the haggle What I was saying was Vogue If I If you spill my ashes and if you if you need to use the hoover up system if you try and get Dora to do it know that I will haunt you if you spill me you're hoovering me up yourself I don't want to know how to use a hoover well learn okay there's something called YouTube I've got my Dyson robot I'll get him on the case oh yeah I was going to get one of those little robot guys just for company just for company really come here to meet me and Amber right I don't know if you've ever seen this because we're home now we're talking I'm still on the line of dead bodies by the way but we're home and I saw this thing and told Amber about it basically a Tesla right it's got cameras all over the top of the car so it shows you all around the car like if you're driving along the street it will show you that someone's walking along the footpath that kind of thing someone took the Tesla into a graveyard at night and there were bodies walking around the car I've seen that video So me, Amber and Lynn are going to the graveyard because Lynn has a Tesla and we're going to go and see if we see any ghosts.

15:44And then what? Yeah, then what? Scare the shit out of ourselves and leave.

15:53What else do you think we're going to do? Imagine how funny that would be when we scare the absolute crap out of ourselves.

15:59Joanne McNally:Isn't it funny that people want to be scared? Like, isn't it? It's a funny thing to want to, like, to intentionally make yourself, to freak yourself out. It'd be so funny. Keep us in the loop. Go live.

16:15Hi, Joanne and Vogue. After listening to Vogue's story about the flipped tampon and Joanne's disbelief.

16:20Joanne McNally:Oh, yeah. I thought I'd share my own experience. Great. Ten years ago, I was cheated on by my ex. we had a holiday books that summer and still decided to go on it as friends ridiculous I know but I was 17 and we weren't getting any money back from it very grown up at 17 we've all done that we ended up having a great time and spent one of the days on a boat trip jumping into the sea when I got back to the hotel room you guessed it tampon was nowhere to be seen I fished around for a while and managed to feel a string but couldn't grip it due to my stupidly long acrylic nails panic was really setting in and I was starting to feel faint.

16:59I sat in the bed feeling dizzy and my ex asked what was wrong so I explained. Oh no. My tampon has shot up inside me and I can't get a hold of the string. One, two skip a few. I'm on my back with my legs wide and my ex-boyfriend has one hand holding his phone to it and attempting to perform a medical procedure. To this day I'm mortified. Joanne, consider this your evidence that the impact of water can absolutely flip a tampon and the consequences are not pretty. I feel vindicated

17:28Joanne McNally:Okay fine I've been shown You've shown me I stand down, I stand corrected And also what a gentleman that man is You take it back that I have a giant vagina Because I've shown you the vagina And you know it's not giant Well when I saw it there was a head coming out of it So that's pretty giant if you ask me

17:49Joanne McNally:That's actually so great No have I showed you that as well? Of course you have it wasn't in its most petite form so I still have no evidence about size that's absolutely grim I've only seen it on its most girthy and also back to the whole water flipping tampons around what sounds to me there is the tampon wasn't necessarily flipped it was pushed back I mean in the interest of being thorough We have had a lot of emails And just reading down the subject lines We've got my tampon went sideways Things we can reverse Girls be careful on water slides Like there's a lot of data Fine I'm just trying to get me I'm just trying to keep the girls safe I don't want to stand in the way of truth And I might switch to mini tampons now Okay that's how small it's gotten Okay Okay They're just going to fall out but sure Why are we fighting about the size of your vagina We're grown women I'm going to bring a measuring tape in later Fine Get ready We'll use the time that we should have had a blow dry To measure each other's vaginas And see who's smaller That seems like a more sensible use of our time We know what's important to us And what's not and then whoever wins gets to go to the Oasis after party because that is happening.

19:26Joanne McNally:Stop saying that. I'm joking. It's not happening. Well, now I don't know. I'm unsure and now I'm going to see pictures of you and Liam and Noel together sticking your finger up at me and saying, fuck you, Vogue. I don't think they actually even go to the after parties. I think they're just like kind of for crew and stuff. That was my understanding. Thanks for reading Oasis Day, Joanne. Okay. I'll be a scaffolder for the afternoon if you guys go to an after party. What do you need? Yeah I'll hang a light You wouldn't even go to the after party If you were invited Let's be honest God no You wouldn't like shit like that I'm already trying to figure out How I'm going to get ahead Ahead of everyone else