MTGM EXTRA! "It all just happened..."

0:02This is a Global Player original podcast.

0:12I have turned into cheese fully. I found a new cheese over here, Beaufort cheese. I smell of cheese. It comes out of my pores. My breath smells like cheese. I can just taste old because I'm just eating cheese all the time. When does it end?

0:26Joanne McNally:Well, luckily for you, no matter what you seem to do, you still look like Cindy Crawford, so I wouldn't worry about it. I look like a... This is a classic competition of Irish women to say who looks the worst. I look like I've inhaled Christmas through my face. I look like a ferret. I look like I've got gout. I'm fucking disgusted with myself. I'm having a retreat. Let's go on a retreat. I'm going to rehab. I see your retreat and I'll raise you a rehabilitation centre in Arizona. Could we not just... Could we not start... Listen, it's our first Christmas that we're trying this. Can we not just go to the Mayo Clinic?

0:59You know that place in Austria where they just, just let's go there for two weeks and just skip Christmas.

1:04Joanne McNally:We're trying to make you relatable. You've still got abs. You could grate the cheese you're eating off your stomach. It's not the same. You're not normal. Did I tell you the mole update? I have a mole update. It's still there. It's still there, obviously. Oh my God, Joanne. I have to send you the pictures. Gigi was drawing a sketch of you. if you feel bad I won't send it today because I didn't feel great about myself and then when I saw that I felt worse well when you're referencing it in the same sentence as talking about your mouth that you get dogs abuse for I can only imagine what was being done to me by that satanistic child we both look like potatoes oh that's fine yeah yeah yeah it's post Christmas it's always a bit of a carb vibe go on a man told me I'm going to have to get my mouth removed She's like it's going to keep growing I can't have a takeover my face I don't want to be I mean it's at a level that's controllable But I don't want to be one of those grannies Where the kids are just like scared to come over to me Because I've got a mole with a fucking plait coming out of it Well that's interesting because the nose and the ears Continue to grow as well Jo So yeah I look forward to seeing I kept them taking off too Someone asked me the other day Did you get your ears pinned back And I was like no why And she goes because you look like someone who would need to do that And I was like I don't know what that means I think that's a slam I think that's like how are you feeling you look really tired that's like that's the same insult fuck off it was ropey anyway Joanne I cannot believe you went and got yourself intense salmon sperm and then stepped on stage with 2 ,000 3 ,000 people looking at you like what the hell is wrong with you it's 1 ,300 but thanks it's only 1 ,300 5 ,600 5 ,600 5 ,600 5 ,600 people to be honest I'm so brazen with all the treatments I'd say if I didn't walk on with half my face hanging off, they'd be like, she's getting lazy.

2:54Joanne McNally:Do you know what I mean? I find it fascinating because she'll have an issue about something, a video that goes up for her where we all think she looks really nice. But she'll walk on stage with lumps coming out of her eyes. Yeah. I don't have the downtime. I don't know the line though, Joanne. What's the line? I don't know. I feel like all I do at the moment is drink wine, plug shows and get tweakments. I feel like there's more to life I think it's time I think I'm like I'm thinking of taking up a craft You're aware we've been doing this podcast since 2021 and you've been drinking wine plugging shows and getting tweaked I feel comfortable with the like I feel comfortable knowing what's going to happen so don't change that It's time to It's just nice It's a nice narrative I'm just sick of it I'm sick of it I want more to my life but in the same breath we're adding a Brisbane 4pm show on whatever day that's coming up and I also have so I'm off to America to try and sell a peenophile yeah I'm selling my wares over stateside I think they'll enjoy it I think they'll wonder what the fuck is wrong if you go over with eyes like that but besides that it's LA if you don't have a staple falling out of your face at some time of the day or night it's not they couldn't be ours with the salmon sperm they go full facelift so 18th of March New York City the city winery loft on the 25th of March Los Angeles as the dynasty typewriter but I'm going over to try and I'm going to try and fucking sell this thing to somebody Oh to Netflix Well one of them Amazon One of them They owe me a favour Amazon for the amount of money I've spent on there they owe me a favour I'll get in touch It'll probably be the RTE player at this stage Nothing wrong with that Nothing wrong with that And I went to LA and I'm like so main offer it's the RTE player So it's the only one that put an offer in so we're going to go RTE player John it can go on my vlog no yes let's thrash out a deal not a bother would you mind putting in an offer for the vlog absolutely not I'd love to I would always help a friend out also Vogue I did notice when you were when you came up to mine before Christmas and you were vlogging with your little machine and I was filmed on the night oh it's in her hand there I was filmed on the night and all that made it to the vlog was my shark robot hoover.

5:19Joanne McNally:Did I look like shit? Was that it? Joanne, we vlogged about 40 seconds of that night. We were very busy. I don't know if you remember how busy we were. I was present in the video and then I got cut and my shark robot hoover, which is my best friend and confidant at this point, but still made the cut in the vlog and I wasn't in the vlog. No one can compete with a shark hoover. A robot hoover, I'm sorry. Did I look terrible? Was that it? I barely got you in it No you didn't look terrible I don't know why you weren't in it That's rude I didn't really do that edit And I didn't notice it I didn't pick up on it Well I'll do I'll do an entire Listen Why don't we go out for a day of vlogging How about that Huh On me Well no Because you'll be You're going to be streaming Peanapha fairly soon Yeah So let's get ready for that I've got to get it set up Where's Vlok's vlog going What's the plan Vlok Vlok's Vlok's vlog Vlok's vlog is on YouTube Where's your vlog going What do you mean where's it going Like what's the aim What are you going to do?

6:15Well, I don't have it. I'm just vlogging. Vlogging. What's the narrative on? I said, I said, I said, I said the vlog. And Spenny was like, what? That's pathetic. Yeah, because he's jealous. I'm just, I've only just started. Yeah, this is only my fifth one. So I don't know where it's going to go.

6:32Joanne McNally:Spencer breaks a record in the Antarctic, gets 15 views. Vlog just vlogs around Battersea Park, putting her makeup on and gets hundreds of thousands of views. no wonder he's fucking raging he's like just broke a record saved a child's life brought someone back to life you always have my back I love it so much you'd never get that in a partner you'd only get it in a friend Flo's just like I'm awake girls and everyone's like stunning slay get it we love you Flo Flo more oh god Svenny's bloody what are they called what are they called challenges and he's planning another thing in March I'm like hang on a second here pal I might be okay with you doing one a year but this is creeping into two three years it's a lot it doesn't really feel like this is fair game did I tell you I'm going to get married this year who are you going to marry a rag doll so that I can get some press in the Daily Mail in the States and try and crack it I have somebody that you could marry that would actually work out quite well for me because there's a lot not marrying Gigi you're fucking stuck with her I'm not taking her off your hands she's not even she's not even gay yet I mean we're working She's not even gay yet.

7:45Joanne McNally:She will be when I finish with her. We're going to turn her gay. We need a lesbian. We need a tiny lesbian in the gang. Amber's getting too big now. I thought you were being a lesbian. You decided ages ago you were going to be a lesbian. Do you know that there was a huge shift in... We'll never get a TV show unless you start being a lesbian. I know. We need more diversity in our pack. Two white women. We're really not zeitgeist here anymore now. We're kind of the problem really. but I was reading this article the other day and it was talking about the amount of women who have been living kind of like who have been up to this point until they hit their 40s straight as such and with men and there's a huge cultural shift towards women settling down with other women now apparently 2026 is the year of the horse and the year of the lesbian well I do think it would be a very nice life to live with another woman though I think that Like it would just It would just We'd be so considerate Towards each other We'd always be thinking Of each other It would be very nice You say that But like I have Lesbian friends And you obviously Have lesbian friends As we all do And They say it's just As much of a shit show On their side of the fence As everyone else's No one's All relationships are tricky It doesn't matter Who you're riding Or what you're riding It's all Everything's tricky Sure the grass Is always greener Usually I wouldn't do this But this is mad that this is what you're talking about, you should probably read this week's email.

9:12Joanne McNally:No way. Yeah, you probably should. Not wishing to spoiler. Has a woman left her husband for another woman? Who even am I? I fucking told you. I'm like Nostradamus. I'm telling you. 2026. The year of the horse and the year of the lesbian. People are going to think that this is scripted and we made this up. Carry on. Okay, you ready? Girls, I'm in massively uncharted waters. By the way, Jo, we would ever have the memory to try and make something like this. I think you may always learn your lines by Friday evening. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

9:58We all know Girl Code about not hooking up with your girlfriend's brothers. You don't do it and I've always known that. It's fine because none of them are hot anyway. But here I am, female, early 30s, single and until December 31st, 2025, straight.

10:14Joanne McNally:This is eggs. Oh my God. Finger on the fucking pulse. If you've not guessed what I'm... All that scrolling, it never goes to waste. Never goes to waste. If you've not guessed what I'm going to say, I was at a New Year's Eve party and got chatting to one of my friend's sisters. Two important facts to consider. One, the friend is not a top level best friend. She's more of a always been around type And two Her sister is out lesbian She's in her early 40s Uh oh I went to this house party And won two Plus three, four, five, six, seven And beyond Skip a few And I'm having my first sexual experience With another woman Fantastic It's 4am The party is winding down And it's all just happened I snuck out the next morning And no one has said anything since I don't know if my friend knows If her sister has told her Nothing I didn't get the sister's number Because well It was my first time and I'm learning.

11:05What do I do next? Please help because I feel so guilty and confused.

11:10Joanne McNally:Oh, pursue. You need to decide do you want to pursue first of all and if you want to pursue I think there's always a way to get someone's number. I wouldn't be asking the sister for the sister's number though but you can always do an Insta stalk and just go on and if you want to have a little go again oh my god, do, do it again. I just put into the internet why are more women turning and it came up lesbian as the first suggestion. This is a movement. Women are decentering men. And I think women are realising there's more to their story. Women turning, they put it in inverted commas, which means it's probably not an appropriate term, isn't a choice or sudden event, but rather a growing awareness or realisation of inherent sexual orientation influenced by complex biological hormones, genetics and environmental factors, often described as sexual fluidity where attractions can shift over a lifetime, not just in youth, revealing deeper connections with women over time.

12:04Joanne McNally:Interesting. So yeah so we're of the opinion that whatever we're attracted to when we're young that we'll just maintain that attraction. But that's actually not the human condition. Which can happen at any time. Discovering who you're drawn to can happen and change at any time. Sometimes involving long held but unacknowledged feelings. Interesting. Have you ever had a little tingle of a feeling? Because I just, I'm so disappointed in myself. I don't think I have like ever. I've never I've I've kissed girls and stuff but like it wasn't more it was just more of a like thing to do I suppose but I've never like I've just never had a hankering for anything more Environmental and experiential factors while not the sole cause, personal experiences and social contexts can contribute to understanding one's attraction it's not a choice or conversion you can't make someone lesbian work in therapy change a person's orientation it's a fundamental aspect of identity that unfolds so yeah So basically to this woman, you're unfolding in a different way.

13:04Joanne McNally:Fantastic. Yeah. Unfold. There's more to life than just staying in the same position. Unfold yourself. See what happens. I think because your inhibitions were down, because you're obviously a bit drunk, but that doesn't mean that you did it for that reason. And if you're still thinking about it, maybe it might be a nice thing to just think about again. I think it's quite exciting. I do think morale in the hetero world is the lowest it's ever been. I think men and women are straight men, straight women, cis men, cis women are the most confused by each other than maybe ever before. Now maybe that's just my algorithm.

13:38Joanne McNally:I'm probably in an echo chamber of kind of anti-male rhetoric and it's not necessarily anti-male but it's more so the differences between men and women, straight men and women trying to make a romance work it feels like we're very kind of more distant than ever before would be my take on it. And I think that's why there is a kind of a what do we say a movement I don't know if we call it a movement of women who have been up to this point living life as a straight woman and they are there's a shift happening and they're actually like hold on a fucking second I'm getting so much from this female relationship and then it turns sexy and now they're fucking I also think that it's because of society and how like things are changing and how it's so more like it was never acceptable like years and years ago back in the day whereas now it's very very acceptable and it's a normal thing which it always has been but it probably wasn't always up until like being gay was illegal not that long ago when you think about it it wasn't that long ago I think people now maybe probably feel a bit safer and just like they don't feel like they'll be judged as much by other people safer to explore curiosities potentially I'd say I have a little girl on girl flinging me definitely yeah you do Hopefully it's not Amber Don't make things Very fucking awkward Oh god Do you know what It will be fucking Amber That's what will happen You'll have to do it Couple of drinks Keep it in the fam But I do There is You look two alike It'll be like just doing it I know It'll be the most Narcissistic sexual activity Of my life She looks like me I love me I love me Me me me me me I look amazing Oh god But I do think with men It's a different beast because men are so caught up in the idea of what masculinity is that like I think a lot of men have the same feelings and they just aren't willing to explore them because it seems like they think they'll be more judged for it.

15:34Joanne McNally:You know, yeah. Well, they do on the sly. Of course they do. There's a lot of that. And like, I know, I know people that have slept with men. Obviously, they don't know I know, but like I would never ever in a million years have guessed it. I'm like, it's, it's, I think it's sad that you can't just like be yourself. I think in years to come I think we'll all probably be bisexual you never know it's a spectrum

16:02I am being flooded with ads from dog rescue centres and I think that I would like to be allowed to send you my favourite dogs and I think that you should rescue a dog

16:14Joanne McNally:I'd love to but rescue it and put it where or a cat I've no interest in them okay well you can have a dog then me rescuing a dog I think its life would be worse with me almost where would I put it I have a sausage dog that's right up your street I'll send you I'll send you over remember Lulu who you missed out on Lulu's gone there's another one one of my I would love genuinely like not even taking the piss this year what I would love for myself is it's time to I want to raise something okay now obviously I have plans to have the gay but we don't know how that's going to go it's not a guarantee I'd I was about to say I'd murder a dog but like I wouldn't I'd love to buy a house for myself I want to buy my own little house in London I want to have a little garden and I want I just want a dog it's just it's time to mind something and raise something and teach it to drive and all the other things that parents do with their animals bring it swimming piano classes whatever I'm this close to being able to get another dog I think how gorgeous is that?

17:22I'd love to have a farm of animals. Do you follow Niall Harbison?

17:26Joanne McNally:I do. The Irish lad is out in Thailand, yeah. He's out in Thailand. If you don't follow him, that's a lovely name. For January, when we're all feeling a bit down, follow Niall Harbison and you can see what he's up to. Saving all the Thai street dogs. Oh my God, I'm happy in tears. He's actually got a great audio. Sorry, I was going to say a great audio book. Sorry, he's actually got a great book that I've just downloaded as audio, which I haven't listened to yet. But yeah, he's kind of devoted his life to saving stray dogs in Thailand. Jo, why don't you get a dog? I have a dog. So that's that nailed You should I'm glad How is it That's what I meant to say How's the dog He's 11 He's well He's good 11 Yeah look Don't Don't Stop suggesting That he might be coming To the end of his I wish Winston was nearly 14 You have a couple of years left I was going to say He looks great for his age Is what I was going to say Oh is that what you were going to say A little grey around the edges But we all Who isn't Joe Who isn't Absolutely Did we answer the email We said do it again.

18:23Joanne McNally:Oh yeah, do it again. Do it, do it, do it. I do think there's this cultural shift happening where, you're right, Vogue, it's that lack of, there's not the same stigma and shame, so that's all kind of dissolving away, thank God. And now people are just kind of like exploring more things for themselves. Oh God, oh God, on a really, I'm sorry, I'm just so involved in it and I cannot bloody stop. Brooklyn Beckham sent his parents a legal letter. Oh my God. I'm just so desperate to know I'm like you sent your parents a legal letter telling them not to contact you publicly and on your Instagram sorry I'm sorry now you just don't do that to your parents no matter what if your parents did the worst thing in the world to you right and were just awful parents when you were growing up fine if you grew up and you're friends with your parents for your entire life and you do everything together and then you send them a fucking legal letter What I will say is As someone who knows Nothing about anything And has no inside information That lad Unless Unless The Beckhams are Like unless David Beckham is secretly Joseph Fritzl I cannot understand Like I look at their life And I'm like Brooklyn You don't know You're fucking born You've such an amazing Like They look I think they are How they look I think there's Yeah I think they just are good Like I want to go That's where I want to spend Christmas I want to spend Christmas There next year This year that's where I'm going you can go on your own to Arizona I'm actually going to the Beckhams I've decided I forgot about that and they have space as I said they have space but seriously I saw that and I gasped aloud if anyone has any insider goss I don't even know how anyone would please dear God for the love of God send it to me every time my mother does something that annoys me and like I annoy her and she annoys me and I think if I was to get a call tomorrow to say she's on her deathbed just say and like hopefully that's a long time down the road.

20:20Joanne McNally:Touch wood. Touch wood. Touch everything. How would I feel? Like, what regrets would I have? You know, all the little shit goes out the window. Why am I advising Brooklyn back him on the phone out with his parents? I mean, I know. Brooklyn, feel free to slip into my DMs and we can talk about this privately. I have got, I have got such a streak in me. I'll be sending, I'll be flashing out legal letters left, right and centre to my family. I'll be getting onto the guard it's for a restraining order.

20:55Joanne McNally:I'd love to see you pop that. Don't pop it without filming it. I have a spot in my face to the listeners. It's, it's, it's actually quite, it's quite impressive actually. It's just growing and growing and growing. Hot water tissue on that. Hot water tissue on it. Bring it up and then bam. Do you know one of the biggest sellers of Christmas presents this year was the kind of plastic faces you can buy and squeeze their spots. Chris Watts' face got one for Jojo Siwa. Oh. Chris Hughes. Ah, there you go. Well, what should buy the girl who has everything, huh? Spot popper. Before we go, it would be remiss for me not to let people, remind people that I have a three arena show on sale for December 12th, 2026.

21:37Joanne McNally:And also, we have extra Aussie dates going. I have Sydney and Melbourne tickets on sale. And Leeds, Brighton, Manchester, Liverpool.

21:54This has been a Global Player original production.