MTGM EXTRA! "My ex still niggles at me..."

0:02This is a Global Player original podcast.

0:10Joanne McNally:Welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Goes To Me. It's the usual crew. You know who we are at this point. And if you don't, it's Vogue, Joanna, Jo. That's who it is. There you go.

0:25Joanne McNally:There's wind whistling through one of my teeth. That's not good, is it? what do you mean no that's not good no that's bad what do you mean there's a wind in your teeth like there's there's like I can feel wind blowing through my as in there's a hole there's a hole in one of my teeth oh god a filling this is from the get a gold one a gold filling whole gold tooth just get rid of the tooth go whole gold get a grill Kylie my tour manager has a silver cap on the front of her teeth it looks really cool I just don't know if I can pull it off Kylie has a whole look going on. I look like I was at a hen party and I just stuck it on.

1:02You're wearing some mad t-shirt today. That looks like something from what's that band Slipknot. You look like you're wearing a Slipknot t-shirt.

1:10Joanne McNally:I've chosen my tattoo design. Oh my God, you're being serious about that. I'm getting a little cherub angel. Cherub? Cherub, you know those little fat little cute angels. Cherub? A cherub with the almonds. Cherub. You said a cherub What do they call it? Cherubs Cherubs Maybe she's in shrubs On the back of shrubs I'm getting a bush I'm getting a bush on my back Cherubs That would look good Cherubs Whatever they're bloody called Cherubs Cherubs One of those little fat girls I love those With the gorgeous curls on And the angel wings And she has a little martini glass Oh no Oh, to make it more Joansky.

1:56Okay, yeah, yeah.

1:57Joanne McNally:I like that. I just don't stand in your way anymore. Do you know what? You are who you are and I love you for it. God. I wish you were my mother. If you say no, she'll only act out more. Yeah, exactly. I have to say yes. She'll come back with face tats everywhere and I'll be like, uh-oh, I shouldn't have said a word. I'm getting a silver ball put in my forehead. I'm hanging around with Kylie too much. I'm going to start modifying.

2:26I know and I'm sorry but like it can't those things scare me a little bit and I know it's not fair because everyone deserves to look the way they want but like the when people take out those massive earrings in their ears yeah dangly lobes it scares me a tiny bit I can't help the way I feel because I'm just real like scaredy of things like that it looks like they've been shot

2:45Joanne McNally:in the ear yeah yeah and then they have to get a kind of re-resized sometimes they let it they leave it and sometimes they that wouldn't be for us we're a little too conservative for that folk yeah maybe a little safety pin through the nose just something to kind of tide me over so I can get over this space I do like the idea of a nose ring I do like that I think that they can look chic oh yeah I love a tiny little stud in the nose yes my nose is too piggish to hold a nose ring I'd look like I was actually being sent to a slaughterhouse everyone has something bad to say about their nose I don't think I've ever met anyone who's gone I love my nose oh hang on actually Spen he's not there he probably loves his nose but he loves it of course he does he's got a 10 out of 10 nose he probably can't hear you because he's in admiring his nose he's in the mirror just admiring his nose I had a woman once say to me because I my nose everyone we all hate ourselves etc blah blah blah and a woman asked me when she was like oh did you get a nose job and I was like what?

3:50Joanne McNally:and she's like your nose is perfect and I was like you don't know how much that means to me you obviously haven't seen it from the you haven't seen it and then I was of course like pulling it apart and showing her how bad it was no look at this angle look at this angle and look up there if my phone opens on the front camera and I'm like this yeah this is the thing me and Jo were just discussing when you before you joined us we were talking I was talking about maybe going back to college and studying Greek and Romans history another Another. I'll do that after I get my cherub tattoo. Blah, blah, blah.

4:23Joanne McNally:We're just talking shit. We were saying, though, how in college you didn't know how good you had it because you'd nothing to do. Like, you'd no responsibilities. Now, you'd no money. But it was wasted on them. Wasted on them. You'd enough money. It didn't matter that you had no money because not having any money wasn't stressful. It didn't matter. No, but no one had money, though. It didn't matter. Like, you could scrape coins together by a bottle of iron for a fiver. Yeah, and you were borrowing tenors and borrowing fivers and all. It was like a lot of bartering going on. do you remember the Western Union do you remember the Western I used to get my dad when I moved to San Francisco and I was making an absolute fortune but spending it as soon as I got it and so I used to have to get my dad to send me money and like I used to get him to Western Union me money do you remember that is that still a thing the Western Union I don't know I'm sure it is it is because I remember I think I had to have a I think I had to be Western Unionised in Australia once last year yeah on the reg college you'd love to go back wouldn't you you see I was in Aberdeen and when I say I went wild like we went up the walls over there because I used to have my like I didn't live with my parents I literally was free I had been set free and I was a nightmare that's how you should do it Dublin Dublin University is different because I went to UCD and I lived in Dublin so there was no reason to move out and my parents stayed they wouldn't have paid for it exactly they wouldn't have paid for it so it's not the same college experience you know no No, no.

5:48But I didn't. Now, Neil was, because Neil was paying for me to live somewhere in Aberdeen, I got 100 quid a month. That's what I lived off. And I lived off it. 100 quid a month. That's where my penchant for pasta pesto first arose because it was so cheap to make. Yeah. God bless the Italians. Oh, God. Thank God.

6:07Joanne McNally:And some frozen chips. I used to love a frozen chip. Yuck. My favourite college meal was two minute instant noodles on white toast with Kerrygold. well that's and the butter would be like literally bubbling it would be so much of it it would be like an extra layer of slime on top of the noodles you were hitting the Kerry oh you were living at home well actually do you know what I was thinking when I was actually thinking around the student time but I was in Australia when I did that day in day out not a nutrient to be seen in that meal not a single nutrient but it just goes to show you You can have a beige diet and be absolutely fine.

6:48Kids may survive on beige and they're grand.

6:50Joanne McNally:Yeah. Do you remember your one? Do you remember the English woman who was feeding her kid McDonald's and everyone was going mad? Now that is bad. Do you remember? She had her in the high chair feed her chips. It was nutritious. It was just daily life. I just love McDonald's.

7:10Joanne McNally and Jo, what has Spencer organised for my birthday? I am having a nervous breakdown. I wanted 15 to 20 people in my house just having a few drinks. He's mentioned 70 to 100. What's happened here?

7:23Joanne McNally:Well, he asked me for my passport. Oh, Jesus Christ. Are we going away? I'm unjunking. I've been asked to donate blood, so I'm not sure what's happening, but I'm guessing it's going to be something intense. Have you been asked to perform? Imagine. like if he did that to me. That's all I want for my birthday, John. That's all I want. Yeah, sure. You'll pay in like everyone else. I'm like a nervous. Honestly, he's like, this is your problem is that you're too controlling. And I'm like, it's I just, we cannot fit that amount of people in our apartment if that's who you think we're inviting. Somebody, I was like, sorry, I've never even had a drink with that person.

8:05I think I've met that person twice. I'm like, why is this happening?

8:08Joanne McNally:What is all this about? I feel like he was was he was he what's the word I don't know I think he felt bad because he didn't do anything for my Irish birthday but I simply wanted and there we have it I was going to say this sounds like he's trying to make up for something I just I would like to just point out to everyone who's going to see the second batch of celebrations and think she like needs to get the F over herself it's not down to me and I know it looks bad okay but I can't stop it because I'm being told I'm being controlling I think this is good for you I think this is good for you I feel a bit embarrassed I feel a bit embarrassed Don't be Don't be It's your 40th Everyone's allowed going above and beyond Everyone's allowed to go above and aboard for their 40th Our mutual friend he just had his 40th We're just sticking with above and aboard are we?

9:02I just left her to She got there close enough She was close enough Above and beyond Above and beyond Somewhere between above and beyond and going overboard, I think. I just woke up.

9:11Joanne McNally:I haven't had my espresso yet. You need to upgrade to a sage. I told you, you'll never look back. I haven't got a coffee machine. I'm an instant gal. Although my taxi man the other day was telling me that it's viciously carcinogenic, but like isn't everything. Sorry, you're still hitting the granules. Yeah, yeah. I couldn't be less surprised. Nobody in the entire world is drinking granules except you, John McNally. I couldn't be arsed with that pod business. It's a waste of time and pods. It's literally... Okay, well then just don't get a sage. It's absolutely not for you. Well, now I want one.

9:45You put it in my head now. You planted a sage seed. You'll have to buy beans and everything.

9:50Joanne McNally:It's too much for you. It's too much. It doesn't matter. I like collecting kitchen things that I don't use. I have an air fryer and a juicer in there I've never touched. And a SodaStream. A toaster. A SodaStream? Yeah, yeah. A SodaStream. Leave me for 15 minutes on my own on the internet and I'll purchase something for the kitchen that I never go into. I have a sage. I want a sage. I'll do that today. I'm not getting one. They're really expensive. I've asked for all my aunties to get me one from my mom's house in Spain because whenever I go to Spain, I'm like, I can't bear being away from the sage.

10:21And I love the Spanish, but they don't do the best coffee. So like, I've asked everyone

10:24Joanne McNally:to contribute towards a sage from my mom's house. I was seeing, I was seeing a man recently. No, yeah, kind of. About a dog? Seeing a man about a dog. I was seeing a dog who was a man. And he, one evening I was we went for food near his apartment he was moving out and we bumped into two friends of his and then we ended up eating with his friends they were really nice and then he this the boy who we will call Barry he was like oh I'm gonna go down and I don't know take some I don't know he went out to meet his father his father was helping him move out of the apartment left me with his friends I his friend then was like I'll pay for it and I was like no no oh, I'll get me and Barry.

11:09Joanne McNally:And he was like, no, no, it's fine, I'll pay for it. But Barry left me to pay for him. So you were paying for Barry's lunch or was it a coffee? No, food, it was food and drinks. It was food and drinks. And then I went and then Barry never came back. And he was moving away the next day. He never came back. Food and alcohol drinks? Yes, food and alcohol drinks. Fuck Barry. This was Barry's style. Oh my God, what a cheap Barry. And I left. He left me sitting in the restaurant and I eventually figured he wasn't coming back. So I walked out and saw him, the silhouette of him packing a sage coffee machine.

11:44Joanne McNally:That's why I brought this up into his dad's boot and his father drove him off and he drove and drove with a sage coffee machine. And I was like, you care more about that sage fucking coffee machine because he's always talking about that coffee machine. I'll tell you what, I was against Barry there until he mentioned the sage. You don't understand, John. I leave my mother on the side of the road for a sage. He's like, it's just the way it is. He just left me. Never came back. Never said goodbye. And then texted me, I think, a couple of days later. And I said, oh, I texted him and said, by the way, your friend paid for your food and drinks.

12:16Joanne McNally:You might want to thank him. Oh, so you didn't pay for it. The friend did? No, the friend ended up paying for all of us, which was completely unnecessary. But yeah, anyway, I'll never forget the image of him because I thought he looked so pathetic. Maybe it's too triggering for you to have one of them. I remember kind of laughing and I was like, Joanne you can't be don't fucking waste your time on this this thing this is look at the state of this now dragging a sage coffee machine into his father's car goodbye I think that's kind of high end to the left into his father's car you'd rather he was dragging a bag in S cafe get a taxi to your father picking you up you know what I mean you're fucking borsy odd sorry I don't want to stick up for Barry either but like Pat gives you lift to the airport Yeah, and it's pathetic.

13:08Joanne McNally:That's why no one dates me now. Okay. It's Pat's fault. I would never have the neck or gall to leave someone cover my dinner, not even ask them, not even acknowledge that that was happening. The assumption was I would pay for it because I paid for everything with Barry. I didn't even know if Barry had pockets because he never put his hand in them. And he ran down and grabbed this sage coffee machine and then moved away. Well, I'll tell you what, Barry did have pockets because those coffee machines are pretty expensive. Yeah. Unless he got a refurbed one, I don't know. He was treating it like it was definitely a prized possession.

13:46It's probably the most expensive thing he owned. I was like sat alone

13:49Joanne McNally:in the bar. Look at Joe's face. Are you looking up the price of them? You can spend two grand on one of those. What? Oh, well, mine doesn't cost two grand. No, you can't. No, you can't. It's got a little iPad on it. It's a little iPad where you pick a pitcher of the coffee you want. It's pathetic. Okay, Joe, is it pathetic if one arrived at your door? How pathetic is it then? Well, then it's... Is it coming? Is one coming? For me and Joe? Hashtag gratitude. Guys, I want one. I'm having to get all my aunties to pitch in together to get me one. It's not the two grand one. Buy your own. I'm not in charge of just saying shit.

14:21That's insane.

14:33Hang on, Spenny, what do you think of your nose? I think he's alright. I think he's alright? Yeah, it's growing with time. It's growing with time. Oh. Is it? He's more self-aware. They keep growing, don't they? Ears and noses? That's humans. My feet are growing. My feet. I used to definitely be a size 7 and now I'm hitting the 41s. I'll be positive.

14:55I can't afford for my feet to grow, Geron. That's how I feel about my forehead and Botox. My hands are going to start dragging on the ground soon, honestly.

15:07Joanne McNally:Your feet usually shrink. I've hit the state. Wait till you go 40, everything does start shrinking. That's like old people, they look like when you put a woolly jumper on a hot wash. They shrink down. I'm looking forward to that. That's the only thing I'm looking forward to about getting old. There's someone in my hallway. Oh my God, I was watching someone's, well, it wasn't TikTok, it was on Instagram last night. for some reason all this ghost stuff comes up for me now because you know I'm mad for ghost stuff and there was a woman there and she was like practicing a dance and filming, can relate to that she was practicing a dance and filming it and then this voice from behind the curtain started saying, am I your friend?

15:45am I your friend? and she freaked out and I thought it was a ghost it was an actual human man standing behind a curtain who had come in the other door and was standing there and he's like, am I your friend? and she ran to the door and she's like, get out! get out! and I was like Imagine you're just privately trying to practice your dancing and there's a man standing in an orange jumper

16:06Joanne McNally:he was Privately trying to practice your I'm just trying to I'm more worried that I'm going to be graped and killed than to be spotted practicing my dancing I can't believe I've been spotted practicing my dancing Jesus I just wanted a bit of privacy here I'm only practicing I'm not finished yet if that's what you're thinking I've more to learn if you're thinking it's not good yeah I watch way too much true crime to sleep with my windows open or doors no and I can't have a bed that doesn't touch the ground my bed has to touch the ground that's fear of ghosts and the afterlife I have genuine fears of alive men being under my bed and grabbing my feet I'd be more frightened if it was a woman under the bed because I just think that women if it's a woman under the bed it's so unusual that she really must have lost the plot because it just seems more of a man thing to do.

17:01Joanne McNally:Women don't commit crimes. There, I said it. Women are perfect. We barely, barely commit them. Isn't it nice how we've just like, we've gone into this like roles where I read you them, you get to choose them and then I just read. Yeah. You just kind of decided that. I'll swap. Do I have been at school and you'd be like, who would like to read? And everyone's like, me. Yeah. Yeah, everyone loves reading. Although I find... If you're missing out in it, you can take it. I don't feel like I'm just hogging it. I'm actually not that good at reading. You know, put out loud. Okay, Grant. Okay. Dear Joanna folk, girls, oh my God, I need your sage words of advice.

17:49Joanne McNally:Hashtag ad. She said sage. Did she say sage? She said sage.

17:55That is the word of the day. My ex cheated on me a few years ago And I still think about him almost daily Oh god