MTGM EXTRA! "My friends have chosen a toxic man over me."

0:02This is a global production.

0:04Joanne McNally:I don't treat myself because I'm like, there's no point, you're alone. No one cares. It's just, you just have that kind of look. Do I? I could go away for three weeks and order the postbox. I have that kind of look. You just, it's so unfortunate. I don't know why. Well, this sounds like growth, folk. It sounds like growth.

0:29Hello and welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with me, Boe Williams and Joanne McNally and Jo Attawell.

0:35Joanne McNally:This is the medical episode where we give medical advice. No. Only medical advice and talk a lot about alcohol and drugs. Trained. This is where we give trained, qualified advice. And watch Jo's eyes. Leave his body. I've much to say about politics and religion. So, settle in. What you're now going to hear is quite a large edit and in a few seconds time you'll hear them saying goodbye and that'll be the end of the podcast. We do give advice now, Jo. We might go down the political route. We do give a little bit of it. Unexpert advice, which people can't. Unqualified or not. Unqualified. Do you know what?

1:17As a currently sober person, I found myself in a vehicle where I was driving because I was the only sober one. And everyone else had had a lot to drink. And both religion and politics came up in the car. It did not end well. Really? I was about to pull over. It was a car full of adults. I was about to pull over and tell them to get out.

1:40Joanne McNally:Was this at the baby shower? Was this a load of women in pink dresses kicking off about politics in the Middle East? Yeah, I had a baby shower based around Iran. A politically themed hen, that's what you're saying you had? Yes. Glover. Instead of a pinata, it was like a global map and everyone chose a country to argue for and against. Well, you know whose head was on the pinata. I had a pinata of different people's heads and everyone got to choose one. Oh, that's a great, that's actually a great idea. All political views represented. All political views represented. Well, actually, oh yeah, sorry, at the hen, I was like, not here, Jo, would you ever?

2:16No, God. I mean, yeah.

2:19Joanne McNally:amongst the three of us. Everyone's calling it. My friend Johanna was like, it's a baby hen. And I was like, that's exactly what it is. It's not a baby shower. It's a baby hen. I actually kept, I just referred to it as a hen. I forgot it was a shower. It wasn't really a shower. It kind of was a hen. It was exactly what I had wanted. It was quite tame to begin with. So I had a baby hen. I'm not calling it a shower. I wanted to get some friends together that I won't see when, obviously when I'm not able to travel to Ireland anymore. And the only times I'm going back between now and the baby is when I'm working.

2:53So I won't see that big group of friends. When you outgrow them, basically,

2:56Joanne McNally:you're like, I'm going to outgrow these people very soon. I won't see them again. Things are going well for me. It was a good bye lunch. Yes, it was. When I'm too cool for these bitches, I was like, see them now, because come 2027, baby. Gone. I'll be gone. I did. I said a farewell speech at the end and they all understand the position. No, but everyone really got the brief. And it was all going very well. I was like, God, this is very relaxed. And it was 2.30 in the day. But Amber had got this, she loves this slushy machine. Our friend owns it. He owns this company called Remarkable Cocktails.

3:34And basically, you can also get a slushy version where it's like slushy daiquiris and slushy margaritas. And I've never seen someone so upset because it wasn't turning to slush. and we'd had it on since 10 in the morning. It turns out she hadn't got the right switch on. So by half two, everybody was completely sober, like really like just it was felt very ground up. It felt like a baby shower. And I was like, this isn't what I wanted. Then the machine turned to slush. And within one hour.

4:04Joanne McNally:Oh, really? I've never seen the wheels fall off so quickly. I think I lasted 45 minutes after that. And I was like, I just have to just go upstairs for a minute because everyone oh because it's because it's soluble so it's like me and the it's like me and the salpidine if you dissolve it's dissolvable it's dissolved so it's hitting the system quicker I understand completely it's I don't know what happens but it's like and it's also like a cool pop it's like a delicious slush puppy you can't stop that's dangerous that's like you're smashing 19 alcoholic calippos in an hour like that's never that's only going one way and it's carnage one of my friends is like no I learnt my lesson from the last time after Amber's birthday, I learnt my lesson.

4:48That same girl had her head under the tap and was opening the tap.

4:53Joanne McNally:So it fell straight in. God, if I'd known this was going to be the vibe, I would have attended. Had I known there was going to be soluble, dissolved, slushy alcohol, I would have booked a flight and gone. I was not aware. It was so good. it was so funny to watch everybody though when you're like but there is a level that you can take where you're like oh this is really fun and then I was like oh no no you're actually just talking complete shite on repeat I must leave I was talking about something recently and there was we were promoting the unacceptable panel shows a lot of the promo were being asked what do you think is unacceptable what do you think is acceptable it's very on topic for the promotion of the show and someone was like sober people are boring, acceptable or unacceptable.

5:45Joanne McNally:And I think she thought I was going to say, boo to sobriety. It's like, no, they're not boring. Drunk people are really annoying. Yeah. Drunk people are really, really annoying. Even as someone who enjoys a drink and all that jazz, even I, like, I can't be around drunk people. They drive me absolutely nuts. Now, it's very rarely happened that I'm not involved, but I'm saying on the rare occasions that it does happen, I'm like, you're an absolute melt. Like, I can't be around. They're shouting and there's kind of really overly tactile and they're kind of slapping you in. Yeah, I know. It's a lot.

6:14Everyone gets rough when they drink. Don't they, yeah. Everyone is like pushing you around and like jumping on top of you. I know. I was like, I hate this. And it was weird because it's usually around like, I gauge that by like, if I go out at night and I'm like, around 11 o 'clock, I'll slip off around 11, half 11. That's when it gets really messy. But because it was during the day, I was like, half four? I have to leave my own kitchen at half four?

6:35Joanne McNally:Like, where do I go from here? Can't even check into Well, you could, you could barely check into a hotel room. Four o 'clock is usually the time that they let you check in. But you could have been sitting, if they'd have kicked off early, you'd be sitting here, driving away from half three with an hour to go. I'd just get into the King's Citric and book a room. They'd be like, Vogue, you live up the road. I'd be like, yeah, but I can't live there today. Not today. Not anymore. Other people inhabit up there. But if we ever have a party in London, we have to get, I have one of those shark do a slushy machine and they sent me one.

7:08and I have a slushy machine. Did they? Just sit there and slush. Yeah, I was like, I'm never going to use a slushy machine. So I put it in storage stupidly because that's all I'm ever going to use is a slushy machine.

7:20Joanne McNally:In fairness to Shark, they're very sound to us. Now in fairness, we have worked with them. I'm always defending it. Like we've worked, we've worked in relationship with them. But as a housewarming gift, they sent me a coffee machine. You know, now I'm an instant woman. Yeah. With all things in my life. Unless someone's getting you a coffee. Like you have, it's not like she doesn't like them. it's just she'd rather instant herself. Yeah, I just, for someone who lives alone and has the palate of a chocolate labrador. You can't keep using that as an excuse. It's one coffee. What do you mean? You're like, I live alone.

7:50I wouldn't be bothered making a whole coffee. I don't. It's tragic over here, Vogue. You wouldn't understand.

7:55Joanne McNally:It's really sad. I don't treat myself because I'm like, there's no point, you're alone. No one cares. Sometimes when I'm on my own, I'll make pasta pesto and started eating it out of the pot. I'm like, I'm not waiting. I'm not wasting another day. Yeah, you wouldn't waste the country. No one can see me. But they sent me this glorious coffee machine. I mean, this thing is like ding, ding, a ding, ding, ding. I've gone from being an instant woman. We're talking. Now, I wouldn't go to the Nescafe. I'd go with Zira now. You know, I have some taste. A fancy instinct. Yeah, I'd go with Zira. To now I'm like literally trying to train as a barista to try and use the thing.

8:32Joanne McNally:I'm like, oh my God. It's like an automatic coffee machine. What I'm saying is If you're coming over now You can have a lungo You can have a lungo You can have a Once I figure out How to use the thing What the fuck is a lungo? It's one of the coffee options On my new Barista machine Does it mean It's like a longer coffee I think that's what it means I'll Google it Now can you do me a flat white? I'll do you a lungo For someone with a torso As long as you You're having a lungo I'm matching coffees To personalities What's Joe? Flat white he's now titsy he's white man you're flat white but you're a lungo you're probably right yeah you can come out I'm happy to be a lungo and watch me rip rip the arse out of that coffee machine it's fantastic it's the first time my life was like oh I'm out of my depth here I'm going to actually read the instructions this is we're going this is big time we've gone high end I'm so allergic to instructions that I'd rather YouTube it I'm like no I know I'll YouTube I can't bear it and I've stopped asking Spenny to do stuff because he is, honestly, if something arrives, like I've ordered a bedside crib and when it arrives, I'm just going to build it myself because no matter what the product, it will arrive and he'll say, oh yeah, I'll do that.

9:44There's always a screw missing and I'm like, Spenny, this can't be, it can't be everything we order that something's missing. I'm sorry.

9:51Joanne McNally:You mean that he, you mean that he thinks there's a screw missing in the delivery? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah, no, no, no. He just makes it up because he's messed something up along the way. Once or twice, sure. Sure. Mistakes happen But Yeah I ordered A giant Security Post box For my house Does that make sense? Yeah So you That's where you put your packages Guess what happened to it? It got robbed Yeah No Do you not lock it up? No Before I used it It got delivered Someone stole it Stop Stop So we've had to order another one Yeah I was thinking that's such a good idea those fuckers I would never nick something I would never nick something off someone's doorstep I'd be too scared well yeah and also because it's wrong I should say I should say reason one I'd be too scared reason two it's wrong

10:54Joanne McNally:okay you all clapped out I've also ordered now I've ordered a load of security cameras from the front and the back of the house floodlights the whole thing. So it's going to be lit up. Is this you threatening anyone? This is now everyone knows, right? That person who robbed her postbox, I wouldn't do that again because she's ordered a security system. It's going to be lit up like the White House. If so much as a ferret walks past the front of the house, all the sirens are going to go off and oh, I'm sick of this shit. Sick of this shit. This wouldn't happen in Ireland. Wouldn't happen in Ireland.

11:22Only Joanne would have a postbox robbed that was meant to protect her post. Only you. I could go on a three week holiday. I don't know what it is because I just know it's just you just have that kind of look. Do I? I could go away for three weeks and order the postbox. I have that kind of look.

11:41Joanne McNally:It just it's so unfortunate. I don't know why. How dare you victim blame me. I'm also thinking of getting a high security like electric fence out the front of the house which in keeping with the tone of the rest of the houses would look insane but I'm just sick of this shit. I'm sick of it. I had that, your man up the road who was coming into the house taking the post. I thought finally, you know, I've moved out of that crime corner and I'm going to have my own, I'm going to be safe down here. No crime den. And then the postman are leaving shit all over the place. Joe Lyce said very kindly he sent me a plant for my garden.

12:20Joanne McNally:Do you think I saw it? I didn't see it for eight days because they hid it down the end of some stairs in a box behind a bin. I've had it. I've had it. Well at least they hit it Because I know that you're That's a bad luck case Hide that now And you drop it off I want to move into Elderly Elderly accommodation I want to move into A retirement village Where it's gated I actually saw a nice one Today I saw a really nice one Near the park And I was looking at it I was like That would be a nice place to go My mum and Neil Have been up in my house Amber lives there full time So she gets funny About people going up And she's given them A key reluctantly So they can go up And use the gym and Neil starts texting me and he's like that apartment I never knew you had like I have like a little apartment downstairs it's basically one long room and it's got like it's apartment vibes it's like a single apartment he's like that would be perfect for your mum and me and then he's on to me again yesterday and he's like do you know the apartment next door just sold for this amount of money we really should consider getting like if however here is what you were saying no how much would rent be a year?

13:23I'm like, I'm not renting you in my downstairs.

13:33Joanne McNally:If anyone's looking for a weird and dark documentary, I mean, you've probably already seen it or probably seen it served to you. Raternal Instinct on Netflix is Banana Town. It's right up my alley. Yeah. Is it real life? Real life. It's all because, do you know what? Because the police in America, and I assume here as well, they all have these like body cams and stuff so they're making entire documentaries out of police's body cams Are you talking about like awful stories when mothers Yeah I think as a pregnant woman I'd say Vogue probably you don't watch that right now Yeah it wouldn't be for you now No it's very dark I did watch I watched The Crash which you told me to watch which I my god but I also I really I said that before Rachel Nichol that that is like such a brilliant documentary to watch as well.

14:20And another recommendation of yours that I took, I'm halfway through yesteryear. I will say it's a bit weird. Yeah. I don't think, Joanne, I wouldn't say it's really up your street. Oh, really? It's a touch, it's a touch, Colleen Hoover, and it's like, it brings you back in time, but it is quite funny. Like, I do, I do find it quite funny, but, because I'm halfway, I wouldn't stop.

14:44Joanne McNally:I haven't started yet, so this is good information, but I do think I'll, well, I'm certainly going to give it a go, but I just want to give a bit of context for maternal instincts the documentary about an absolute nut job who gets into a relationship with a guy and starts lying about all sorts of stuff like money and all this stuff and I obviously as someone who's been down this road before I'm like ah ha ha ha and obviously I'm watching the documentary so it's been established that she's nuts and then she tells him she's pregnant and then it's like the knock-on effect of that and what happens and she's you know it's obvious like she obviously fakes a pregnancy but it's like what she does to bring that pregnancy to fruition and it is absolute banana time.

15:21That doesn't sound that bad to me. I think I could handle that. There's a few twists and turns in there. It's very dark. My wife was watching it. I heard all of this in the background. And it is, personally, I said, is there not some times where like a documentary possibly doesn't need to be made because it's so horrific? What do we really need to know?

15:44Joanne McNally:Well, do you know, Joe, first thing I disagree. but secondly do you know what I did think was a bit nuts about this particular documentary because I was like usually the documentaries they do talk about the victim a lot to kind of for out of respect this one they probably spoke about her at all which I thought was very odd so Taylor Parker was the perpetrator of the stuff and then it was Reagan Simmons Hancock was oh dear folks just read a thing I've just I've just read I've just read I already I already I mean, there's no spoilers. If you read the, you'll know exactly what's going to happen. Anyway, Vogue, I'd recommend, Joe doesn't think you should watch it.

16:24Joanne McNally:I think you should watch it. Okay, I actually will watch it. I will watch it. I'll watch it. I'm on a, Spenny and I are sneaking away on holidays, so I shall watch it then. You know the crash documentary that you watched? Do you know the nice, I have women messaging me going, she's innocent. I'm like, are you? Hi. Are you actually on psychedelics? And it's like, it's like, oh, well, I mean, the car might have malfunctioned. No, they actually checked that. No, no. So it hasn't malfunctioned. No, no. And she's in, shouldn't get that long in prison. Did she not? I don't think that's that long. Well, it's long.

16:58It's not long for America. Some people get 20 years in prison for stealing a car. She got less than that. Whoa. Yeah. Okay, well, we read an email. Better head. Dear Vogue, Joanne and Jo, I've been feeling really isolated lately and wanted to tell you that your podcasts have kept kept me feeling grounded and slightly sane. The reason for the isolation is because in a group of friends who I thought would be forever, I spoke out. Uh-oh. A member of the group had started seeing a lad and to call him a red flag would be unfair to the reddest, flaggiest flags. Okay, yeah. This guy is a hundred times a red flag.

17:36Imagine the size of a circus tent, but just all red. Yeah.

17:40Joanne McNally:He's a red flag. Yeah. He's controlling his attitudes to consent Rage huge questions like If you want to put that there Maybe let's chat first And he's verbally abusive before he even touches a drink However Because he walks her home Buys her shite flowers and shite presents And always says sorry The rest of our friends give him a pass After I made it clear That I think this guy is a piece of shit I was shut out for being jealous And the biggest joke of all I was called controlling it's incredibly frustrating upsetting and I don't know what to do I won't take back what I said but I miss my friends there must be others who agree with me but for whatever reason there's this code that says they all need to act like the relationship is the best thing when in actuality it's a story that's unfolded a million times and only ends well when a woman realises the situation she's gotten into and leaves please help me either be a better friend or stop feeling like I'll never have a social life again Anon that's how odd a collective rejection like as in I can understand the woman who's going out with the guy being annoyed but all of them to turn on her like that they all shot the messenger instead of one person just shooting the messenger very strange yeah but is the messenger wrong?

18:56even she there's always a I know no I get that I don't think that you should drop a friend over something like that but yeah it's kind of mad sometimes sometimes we don't know obviously the full story we only know one part of the story here And sometimes I always think it's important to remember who the common denominator is, because usually nearly 100 % of the time, the common denominator is the person that's wrong.

19:17Joanne McNally:I've had friends going out with people I didn't particularly like. I've gone out with people my friends didn't particularly like, but it never got to this level. So yes, I would suggest that there's, you're right, Voh, there's probably something else going on. Would you say? I don't know. Like if he's not, if he's not obviously a red flag and all your friends have turned against you, I don't know. That seemed very strange to me. either they're all collectively morons or maybe the woman who's going out with the guy she's you know the way there can be like a hierarchy and friendship groups and maybe she's quite powerful or something and maybe they're not and maybe this woman is further down the food chain so they don't upset the more powerful friend now I'm not going against you completely because you've written in but like your attitude is very negative the whole thing around it like shite flowers, shite presents What did she give as reasons that he's a terrible red flag?