In short
A bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me where the hosts trade travel/jet-lag stories, book/podcast recommendations, comedy-tour updates, and a long guest story about a “Thai massage” gone wrong (ending in a “happy ending” attempt).
Guests/backgrounds
Joanne McNally and Herve Oak Williams and Jo Ashiwell (regular hosts). Additional story told by Jo Ashiwell about a Glasgow illegal massage-parlour experience.
Key claims
Australia feels like “a different world” (winter timing, jet lag, early mornings). Cathy Burke’s memoir Mind of My Own is engaging and “measured.” In the Dark (New Yorker) is a “miscarriage of justice” murder case. The Glasgow massage was mostly cold soapy washing, then a “happy ending” pitch; the handwritten signs are “not to be trusted.”
Notable examples
The Wedding People book recommendation; In the Dark (Heidi Blake, White House Farm, Aug 7 1985); Glasgow £45 handwritten sign; escorted to a cash machine by a 10-year-old boy.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOReflections on Australia
0:45 to 2:20
Discussion about experiences in Australia, caffeine withdrawal, and feelings of being back home.
“But it is difficult to keep in touch with people because of the time difference.”
Hypnosis and Insects
2:20 to 4:33
A humorous discussion about being hypnotized and coping with insects.
“but obviously I was jet lagged when I went over.”
Cultural Differences in Weather
4:33 to 6:14
Comparison of winter experiences in Australia versus the UK and its impact on lifestyle.
“and can I give a rec have I spoken about Cathy Burke yet?”
Book Recommendations and Celebrity Memoirs
6:14 to 7:49
Recommendations for books, including a memoir by Cathy Burke and a novel titled 'The Wedding People'.
“You sound like the man in the iron mask.”
Podcast Recommendations
7:49 to 8:20
Suggestions for listening to podcasts, including 'In the Dark' from The New Yorker.
“And now Vogue, you will appreciate this.”
Exciting Career News
8:20 to 10:44
Announcement of a new matinee show at the Apollo and discussions about upcoming performances.
“It's not the same vibe but you can never predict how it's going to go.”
Planning for Live Shows
10:44 to 12:16
Plans for live performances and the excitement surrounding them, including audience engagement.
“I by accident didn't go to bed till half four and I wasn't happy with myself and that's in the morning, by the way, half four in the morning.”
Listener's Massage Experience
12:16 to 14:00
A listener shares a humorous and awkward story about a Thai massage experience.
“well, I've got two more and then I'll go to the 2026 Arena.”
A Memorable Massage Experience
14:00 to 17:06
The host recounts a humorous and awkward massage experience that took an unexpected turn.
“it's writing itself which was literally just someone's house two women looked at me like I'd just walked into their living room uninvited because I basically had.”
Discussing Thai Massage
17:06 to 19:29
The hosts share their thoughts and experiences regarding Thai massages and the ambiguity surrounding them.
“On the plus side, it definitely took my mind off the funeral.”
Show all 11 chapters
The Crocodile Story
19:29 to 21:17
A funny recounting of a friend's tall tale involving crocodiles and gum shields, reflecting on belief and gullibility.
“I'm turning into a middle-aged man where I'm like, oh, do I have to pay for it now?”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:02Vogue Williams:This is a Global Player original podcast.
0:10Joanne McNally:Hello, welcome to the bonus of My Therapist Ghosted Me. It's me, Joanne McNally. It's Herve Oak Williams. It's him, Jo Ashiwell. It's the usual crowd. Can I say how secure I feel knowing that you're at the end of the road? I know, it's nice, isn't it, that I'm around?
0:26Vogue Williams:I just feel like Australia's like not just a different time zone it's a different world
0:31Joanne McNally:it's a different fucking world you're in the upside down it's all very stranger things
0:36Vogue Williams:I do love Australia and I drank all the coffee that I could possibly fit into my body in the time that I had to fit it in because obviously I had no coffee in the jungle and when I say cutting caffeine and sugar I had the worst headaches they were like expect really bad headaches on day two and I was like not going to happen to me oh my god I nearly had to cut the head off
1:00Joanne McNally:I nearly had to cut it off can I just say we're so lucky to have you back and have you publicly said that you were hypnotised against insects yeah oh grant I was like I don't know if that's public knowledge or am I like I mean
1:16Vogue Williams:selling a story on her for free it's not against the rules and I think that I was I think I was hypnotised against like the odd insect I don't think I was hypnotized against hundreds of them being poured on my head. But still, I coped. I'm happy to be home. I am happy to be home. But I do love Australia. And I had a really nice time there. But it is difficult to keep in touch with people because of the time difference. Now, one thing I would like.
1:41Joanne McNally:I found that harder, to be honest. I mean, I think we've got to have a time difference.
1:45Vogue Williams:I forgot about the phone. I didn't even think about the phone when I was in the jungle because once it's gone, it's gone. And you're just like, I did consider in my mind when I'd be sitting there with my resting bitch face and I was like, I wonder what's going on in the world of the celebrity animals. I don't know.
1:59Joanne McNally:Did you find your thumb just kind of scrolling the air? That's what I would do. I'd just be like scrolling the air. I was very concerned
2:04Vogue Williams:about the Beckhams,
2:05Joanne McNally:to be honest with you.
2:05Vogue Williams:I didn't know what was happening. Had they made up when I was out? No. No, they hadn't. The drama rolls on. It does roll on. But I would like to take one thing to Australia. I don't know if anyone's into it, but they all get up and maybe it's the Gold Coast. I don't know if it's the whole of Australia, but obviously I was jet lagged when I went over. So I'd be up at like four in the morning open the window everyone's jogging on the beach they're all the cafe's open at 6am over there it's the right time for me
2:31Joanne McNally:I at the moment am feeling great on myself okay I had I go through periods where I'm very physical like as in working out training running around doing my bits and bobs and then I go through my slot phase where I'm on the road and I'm kind of eating petrol station sandwiches and drinking wine and very much it's a room service slot boffers vibe
2:51Vogue Williams:I'll never understand the sandwiches though I just for me I just I like wet food
2:56Joanne McNally:it's none of your business it's damp and moist
2:59Vogue Williams:okay
3:00Joanne McNally:I like the chicken that has never touched a real chicken in its life I like the stuff that's being manufactured by man under a Bunsen burner
3:09Vogue Williams:no no I just and a bin bag
3:12Joanne McNally:they're like cutting up plastic and they're burning it down into chicken and I'm like delish put a bit of mayo on it and the pathetic looking
3:19Vogue Williams:salad leaves that get thrown in there but anyway
3:22Joanne McNally:so I was like I'm not really feeling myself at the moment and a woman said to me oh it's just winter Joanne and I was like oh my god you're so right I'm just it's winter me and Australia because their winters are not like our winters so of course they're super hot because they're they're always on display in a way that this side of the world we're not like we can all we can all get a bit like lazy and sassy and sit in the couch and like eat with our hands and like throw a lot of carbs down and just enjoy that season whereas if you're in Australia and your body is always on display because it's fucking roasting.
3:55Joanne McNally:It's a different energy over there.
3:57Vogue Williams:But I do. It's not just that. It's the way their timings sit. I just really like them. And since I got home, I don't like jet lag on the way over there because I find it torturous to be sitting up on your own. And I had no phone to keep in mind. So like I was, obviously I had my literature, so it was okay. But a book recommendation, The Wedding People. Very good. Oh, what's it about? I just feel like I'll give away a spoiler it's very good because very early on she comes out with this thing and it's just like whoa I just wasn't expecting that but it's a really really good book to read so I was reading that over there Brilliant
4:32Joanne McNally:and I will read your recs and can I give a rec have I spoken about Cathy Burke yet? Now I did her podcast about death she had that amazing death podcast There's a will Oh she stopped She's left there's a will she's left but apparently Cathy wrote this whole thing on her phone Stop Yeah she wrote it on her phone and like I so what's it about first of all is it a it's a memoir it's a memoir
4:56Vogue Williams:a mind of my own
4:58Joanne McNally:a mind of my own now I'm only halfway through like she hasn't hit the Kevin and Perry stage or like she's not in she's starting to act as such but my god that woman had a life and as you know I've been very vocal about the fact that and I love a celebrity memoir I love like getting into the nitty gritty of people's lives but Kathy writes about her childhood in a way that's so engaging it's I'm thoroughly enjoying it and she doesn't fluff things she's quite like measured in how she speaks but apparently she wrote the whole thing on her phone but anyway it's thoroughly enjoyable but she my god her mother died when she was I don't know if she was even a year old and then she was raised by her father who was a raving alcoholic and her two older brothers and she was kind of raised like a little boy for a very long time and then she talks about like her punk era and so I'm just finishing her punk era and it's really, really good.
5:56Joanne McNally:She's such an interesting person. But also, I have a podcast recommendation.
6:02Vogue Williams:Would you mind if I, can I put on my face mask because this isn't recorded. It's not going to block anything, is it?
6:08Joanne McNally:Smash on me.
6:09Vogue Williams:Can you hear me still? Or no?
6:11Joanne McNally:Yeah. When you said a face mask, I thought you meant like a, yeah. You sound like the man in the iron mask.
6:17Vogue Williams:Listen guys, I like to, I liked it
6:20Joanne McNally:What the fuck What the fuck What are you up to Vogue What are you doing Have you invested in that I was gonna put
6:27Vogue Williams:I was gonna I just wanna I wanted to put on my LED mask For God's sake I asked And then I thought you meant to cream Do you know what this feels like This feels like the hair again This feels like the hair All over again Okay Bullies I can't believe we don't make videos
6:40Joanne McNally:I thought you meant your little Frankenstein mask That you like wearing In your private time I didn't know you meant Your skin You have the same mask
6:46Vogue Williams:I don't know what you're You're talking about
6:47Joanne McNally:You stupid guy let's go let's revert back to business so it's called sorry it's called In the Dark so it's from the New Yorker so I'm just going to read you the description then you can make up your I don't want to spoil it on August 7th 1985 five family members were shot dead in their English country manor White House farm it looked like an open and shook case but the New Yorker staff writer Heidi Blake finds that almost nothing about the story is as it seems it's really really good I don't want to spoil it
7:17Vogue Williams:I watched the show on that but Joanne you're always here for the really uplifting pod recommendations if you'd like anything around murder and death Joanne is your woman
7:26Joanne McNally:and sorry Peppa Pig I mean what you want come on I'm a woman in my voice
Read the full transcript
7:30Vogue Williams:I want Care Bears and Peppa Pig I can't be listening to that kind of stuff and just go on about my daily life
7:36Joanne McNally:five murders
7:38Vogue Williams:five not just one just five murders casually out of the farm great I'll just pop it on before bed
7:45Joanne McNally:like the New Yorker they're like it's so well made it's so well produced and I will I don't think I'm giving away a spoiler by saying it's a suggestive miscarriage of justice and it is it's full on it's really well made and highly recommend that's all I'll say thanks
8:01Vogue Williams:that's a great thought for me to have now it's getting close to my bedtime it's twenty past six my aura is about to tell me to start preparing for bed
8:07Joanne McNally:well let's pray you wake up folk that's all I'm going to say because it's coming for us all
8:15Joanne McNally:I have some exciting news. And now Vogue, you will appreciate this. She's leaning in. I'm adding a ninth Apollo.
8:23Vogue Williams:Fuck me!
8:25Joanne McNally:Oh my God! A ninth Apollo. But guess, Vogue, and this is for you. This is me stripping. Why did you just do the O2? You could have done the O2 over here. It's not the same vibe but you can never predict how it's going to go. But this one's for you, Vogue. This is me literally doing a titty dance for you because the ninth Apollo is... it's a matinee baby yes matinee oh my fucking god matinee oh my god I said if I'm going to get Bob Williams out of the house between three and six I'm going to rent out the Hammersmith Apollo and tap dance for her so I'm in so there's only one Apollo left with tickets available and it's the 15th of February and I've been wanting to do this matinee thing for ages because I have had questions about it Now it could be one of those things Where Do you know when someone's like Oh Please come to Atlanta We all want to see you And then you go And there's three tickets out I do not know how it's going to go But the beauty of it is I've had Apollo that night Anyway So I'm like Fuck it I'll go in early
9:29Vogue Williams:Gross I'm not going that night Get lost I am at the matinee Jo Let's go to the matinee 3pm I just cannot It's the HRT show Okay Jo It's the HRT show We start drinking at 12 We start drinking at 12 We go for lunch we don't want to get too messy because we might start shouting at her 3 o 'clock we sit down we watch Joanne
9:49Joanne McNally:bed by 7 well look this is a massive experiment on my part and I'm willing to do the work and I'm willing to trial it because you know you obviously you know I rent that venue so obviously I have to you know you don't want to lose money on the venue but because I'm in the venue that night the costs are already there so I'm like okay let's see let's see if this is actually going to work I'll do a 3pm and then I'll do an 8pm and they're on Saturday. You should have a coffee morning that morning as well whilst you're there. 9am for a while.
10:18Vogue Williams:What's his name? What's his name? Daniel O'Donnell. She's the new Daniel O'Donnell. We can have a coffee but it's too insulting.
10:26Joanne McNally:As well you know. Oh she's the Daniel O'Donnell of standard comedy.
10:31Vogue Williams:The dream. I think all comics should follow suit. I'm sorry but listen we have everyone likes a scheduled bedtime. No one wants to be up too late and I'll tell you what the last time I got two years ago, I by accident didn't go to bed till half four and I wasn't happy with myself and that's in the morning, by the way, half four in the morning. It happened by accident. At least now I know
10:52Joanne McNally:if there's an accident, I'll still be in bed by 11. Oh, you'll be in your eye masks and earplugs by 10 at the very latest. And while I'm here, I also, I'd be killed if I don't mention these other shows we've added. We've added an extra Leeds, Brighton, Manchester and Liverpool. 3rd of June, 18th, 26th and 27th and also Australia and New Zealand are also on sale you know the deal you know where to go you know the crack but the main event oh and the three arena obviously you have to put that in there but the matinee 2026 the three arena 2026 but but yeah matinee for you Vogue just for you baby what if I'm the only one there you will be don't blame
11:31Vogue Williams:don't blame this on me I will not take the hit first and girls listening don't let me down I'm gonna listen if that show is half sold I'm gonna go out I'm gonna start flyering again I'm going to get this sold.
11:42Joanne McNally:Do you know what I actually do not mind and I'm not just saying that because obviously we all want to do well and sell and cover our costs and all that jazz but this is such a genuinely experiment if there is 200 of us there in the Hammersmith Apollo it would actually be maybe more crack than filling it.
12:01Vogue Williams:I'm so annoyed I went there last month. What the hell? It's a day out. I will have to do a couple of evenings as well because everyone keeps asking me will I go to the show with them? And I'm like, I'll go to the show. So I'm going to, I have at least, well, I've got two more and then I'll go to the 2026 Arena. Obviously, I'm not going to miss your arena.
12:21Joanne McNally:No, no, no. No, God, no. But yeah, I'd like you at the matinee with the kids, of course. And Joe, you're welcome to bring your children as well. It's a family day out. Yeah. I'm going to give them little headphones as they come in.
12:35Vogue Williams:I might bring tea.
12:37Joanne McNally:Tea would absolutely love that. I've seen the footage. He's grown. He doesn't understand what you say anyway, so it's fine.
12:43Vogue Williams:Exactly, it's the accent.
12:55Vogue Williams:Hello, Joanne, Vogue and Jo. Just listening to the bonus episode, Brooker Road howling with laughter at his experience of massage. The bonus episode reminded me... Sorry, did Jo... Did Gro did the bonus?
13:06Joanne McNally:Yeah, he did a bonus, yeah.
13:08Vogue Williams:Sounds like you've got some catching up to do, mate. Okay sorry Jo I literally just landed I'm sorry I haven't been able to catch up fully Lazy My Christ The amount of shit I got off people yesterday And I'm like I have been flying for 26 hours Can you just give me a little break Okay The bonus reminded me of my one and only Thai Massage A story about my complete naivety And innocence to the world Of illegal massage parlors in Glasgow I was walking through Glasgow City Centre After a very tough morning Then I saw it a handwritten sign advertising time aside £45 and I thought barking this is the sign I needed this will pull me out of my slump I walked into the
13:50Joanne McNally:parlour sorry like wank her out of her slump or pull her out come on carry on do you know what I mean come on which was literally it's it's writing itself
14:03Vogue Williams:which was literally just someone's house two women looked at me like I'd just walked into their living room uninvited because I basically had. When I asked for the massage, they spoke to each other in Mandarin looking absolutely baffled. But I was committed to this bargain. This sounds like me. So I enthusiastically went back outside, took a picture of the sign, pointed to my phone and asked if the£45 offer was still available. One woman reluctantly shrugged and led me to a bedroom. I was delighted. Stripped down to my pants, lay face down, sheet over me, ready for someone to walk on my back and sort out all my grief and attention.
14:45Vogue Williams:Oh, oh. She came back with a sponge and warm soapy water and started washing me.
14:53Joanne McNally:Delicious, yeah. Love it. I don't see any problems here. I'd love to be washed. When was the last time someone washed you?
14:59Vogue Williams:I cannot remember the last time
15:01Joanne McNally:I was soaked down.
15:03Vogue Williams:I was reading a book and someone was getting their hair washed by someone and I thought, that would be like imagine like I want you to wash my hair the next time I see you Joanne you've a lot of colour in your hair Vogue okay Joanne you're washing my hair you've a lot of colour every part of me I'm lying there thinking this is unusual but sure maybe this is how Thai massage starts the deep tissue bit is coming she kept washing and washing then she told me how sexy I was
15:37Joanne McNally:Oh yeah, okay This is going to a fruity place We're going fruity, we're going spice bag
15:41Vogue Williams:Oh thanks, I said brightly Thinking she was just being friendly Still fully expecting the massage part to begin 20 minutes of cold, soapy water later It finally clicked And listen I've always been slow to catch on to things But everything suddenly came into sharp focus This woman was absolutely working Towards a happy ending I panicked I need to get back to work I said asking for a towel she looked genuinely disappointed but was very quick to demand the 45 pounds yeah of course obviously they didn't take cards so I got escorted by a 10 year old boy to the cash machine to make sure I didn't do a runner
16:22Joanne McNally:sorry now I like nothing but respect for this woman who's actually putting a pre-work into the work I'm not going to soap a lad down I'm just going to go straight in with a dry hand so I think frankly it's worth the 45 I've quit.
16:36Vogue Williams:What a dry hand. Come on. You can't be doing it dry. Oh yeah. A bit of salt dust actually.
16:40Joanne McNally:I'm in a bad place.
16:42Vogue Williams:A little bit of sandpaper on a sandpaper glove.
16:45Joanne McNally:I'm like, you will not enjoy this for a second. I will do it. But this will be the worst time in your life. my electric sander?
16:52Vogue Williams:Mind you.
16:56Vogue Williams:So there it is. I paid 50 pounds. The boy didn't give me any change for the world's most awkward sponge bath. Left with damp knickers and learned the handwritten signs in Glasgow are not to be trusted. On the plus side, it definitely took my mind off the funeral. Love the podcast and Joanne, can't wait to see you in Glasgow in February. Joanne, get the address for yourself.
17:15Joanne McNally:Get the address. Look, listen, and I, you know, like, I'm not the most, I don't have... You would take the happy ending, aren't you, Joanne? Well, I'd take the bathing and they'd be like, just cut out the end. I'm tired.
17:26Vogue Williams:Once you're in there, you're going to take the end. If I thought a woman would soak me down,
17:30Joanne McNally:yeah, and we could chat and have a glass of wine, I'd be like, go for it. I'd love that and you just don't have to finish me you know it's fine I think that's I actually think that's community led and I think there's no problem with that
17:43Vogue Williams:I did see I nearly went for a Thai massage and this shouldn't be what you think of when you think of it but like there was a place in Brisbane in sorry the Gold Coast and I was like maybe I'll go for a Thai massage because I'd had a massage in the hotel and the girl kept going yeah yeah and it was like I was like oh my god this is that felt sexual to me so maybe I wouldn't mind the Thai massage
18:05Joanne McNally:I feel sorry because like let's face it Thai massages are like they're the best in the biz that's why we all go that's why they have such a good reputation but I've gone into Thai massage parlours because I like to get my back cracked and I like to get the shit kicked out of my back every now and again but I see signs on the door going please keep pants on and I'm like what are these women putting up with like this is awful like but then I guess it's kind of it's like no one's sure and men go in under the premise of like is this a thing How do you find out though?
18:38Vogue Williams:Is it just through word of mouth that you find out which one is which? I think so. Yeah there's a lot in London.
18:44Joanne McNally:Yeah and I think suddenly I think at the end they'll be like look do you want the happy ending blah blah blah or like you go into somewhere and when there's signs going please keep your fucking clothes on your pervert you're like okay this isn't the vibe.
18:54Vogue Williams:Well I told you about the happy ending man who I met for a TV show I was doing and he basically goes around and just happy ends women I don't even know if he bothers with the massage he just goes and does the fingering can you say fingering? can I say I mean listen
19:08Joanne McNally:I understand it I'm a busy woman would I like to give my hand a night off every now and again? sure why not? business is business money is money fucking throw it away get what you want okay
19:19Vogue Williams:if you're paying the£44 in Glasgow which you certainly will Joanne I think these you know what you owe us this we want it for a bit of content tell us how you go enjoy the bath and enjoy the happy ending
19:29Joanne McNally:I'm turning into a middle-aged man where I'm like, oh, do I have to pay for it now? How sad.
19:34Vogue Williams:Don't look at it. Just look at it as how empowering. How empowering.
19:38Joanne McNally:Sorry. Bonnie Blue has been arrested, speaking of sex work.
19:42Vogue Williams:Oh, God. I was going to, I actually, I thought we'd get away with it, but maybe 15 years in jail. At least we won't hear from her anymore. I,
19:50Joanne McNally:no, more than me not getting my head around AI and I'm sharing photos of like fish with binoculars on their eyes. I, I'm, I'm concerned. I'm like, is this real or is it a PR stunt so I'm going to hang up on this call now and I'm going to go and I'm going to find out I think she's genuinely been arrested but you wouldn't know with her it's all press and all bullshit but I don't know that came out
20:12Vogue Williams:from the authorities in Bali will I tell you how will I tell you how much I believe everything everyone says about me so in the jungle Ginge told me that like you come back you tell each other about your trial so he came back and he was like yeah and then I went into this other thing and there was two crocodiles but it was fine because they had gum shields on I was like how did they get and I went into the BT and I was like how did you just get gum shields for the crocodiles I was like that is amazing I was like I can't believe that believed it the whole time until the end he was like Vogue
20:45Joanne McNally:they didn't have gum shields sorry Vogue I think this is why we work well together because I would have absolutely believed that hook line and sinker because I'm like alligators they're like they're involved in a professional job. They don't want them to be hurt. They've got armbands and gum shields. I'd be like, yeah, fair. I would never question it.
21:05Vogue Williams:I wouldn't question it. If he had never told me, I would never, ever have thought any differently. I would have just been like, where do they get them? And is it like when you start hockey where you have to put it in the warm water? So how big was the jug for the alligator one?
21:18Joanne McNally:I wouldn't question it. I'd be like, I trust you, what you're telling me. I trust that we're all in this together. And yeah, fair play. Have they got braces and veneers? Grant I know
21:37Vogue Williams:Thanks everybody for listening and I hope you too have a gum shield for your crocodile Goodbye
22:01Vogue Williams:This has been a Global Player original production.
From the publisher
One little mention of a Thai massage faux pas and the flood gates open... Apparently a lot of you have found yourselves in questionable situations, so let's hear another. Meanwhile, Vogue is just about settling back in (she literally landed hours ago) and Joanne has BIG tour news.
Tickets for Joanne's tour Pinotphile are now LIVE: www.joannemcnally.com
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This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.