MTGM EXTRA! "The words no woman should have to hear..."

4:43Joanne McNally:late last night? Well, I've been, I've made, there's been some gross errors. my accuracy of where I'm going to be performing it is wildly off-pissed turns out I was in York as outdoor events go York was incredibly enjoyable because those gigs can be a bit odd sometimes because it's early doors, it's bright do you know what I mean? You're outdoors the acoustics are flying off into the air you'd love them, they're like matinee shows But anyway, it turns out I'm in Powderpuff Palace in Exeter this Sunday. No, sorry, this Friday, which I would like to plug. That is Friday the 17th.

5:28Vogue Williams:Friday the 17th at Powderpuff Palace. In Exeter. Joanne, I have never seen such a fantastic swerve trying to blame someone else for getting the dates wrong. Joanne texted a group and she was like to her agent, I was testing you and you didn't realise that I had said York.

5:49Joanne McNally:Our agents both listened to the podcast, allegedly, wink, wink. And I obviously gave out the wrong information. Rick, text you on if you've heard this. Yeah. And I said, oh, Rick's like, he's like, yeah, good app, mate. All good on our side. Just in case we've accidentally said something fascist that we didn't realise. And he missed it too. so he was like so sorry and I was like yeah I was testing you you obviously don't listen to the podcast you lying bastard I don't listen to it either so I can't really blame him but mine's more from a self-loathing perspective rather than I couldn't be honest

6:25Vogue Williams:we're really happy when you don't listen to it there's a couple of times where you've jumped on board and it's just it's a tough it's a tough three weeks for Joe and I

6:32Joanne McNally:yeah it is no one wants me involved in that regard so I'm in York Vogue where are you? I am in Spain Sorry, Spain, of course. Sorry, that's why you're ordering pepinas. Yeah, pepinas.

6:45Vogue Williams:Pepinas, pepinas. I'm in Spain in my mom's house because she's disappeared. Some people are like, oh, you're going to on holidays with your parents. I'm like, no, we wouldn't holiday well together. My mom's gone. It's too hot for her. Neil had considered when it was raining in Ireland that he might come back to Spain. And we said, no, Spain's booked out. You don't live there now for the summer. Off you go. So we come down and take their house.

7:07Joanne McNally:Most people would call the police if their mother went missing. But no. Packs up the children Moves into the house She's gone early this year Don't hang the posters yet Let's just get a week out of this And then we can start the search

7:22Vogue Williams:I'll do it in October The weather starts going down in October So I won't need the place in October So then I'll figure out where she is then We can get forensics involved

7:31Joanne McNally:Sorry

7:33Vogue Williams:I'm getting the comments again though Are you away again? Someone emailed me that night I was like, oh my God, how did you guess it was a picture of a swimming pool she'd mailed it on? I was like, wow, how did you guess? Hold on, I'm confused. What? It was a picture of a swimming pool? So people will comment. You know when people send you mails, sometimes you see them. So I posted a picture of the swimming pool at my mom's house. And then someone goes, oh, away again? With about six question marks. And I said, how did you guess? You're the Jua Lipa of Ireland. I would like to say that I'm still working over here.

8:06Vogue Williams:I've just. Of course. I am, I have dual, what's it called? Citizenship. Yeah, well I don't, but like I live in two places. You're non-dom. I'll be non-dom. You're non-dom. I don't care what Keir Starmer says, I'm non-dom.

8:22Joanne McNally:I'm also, I'm just looking here, because I had something in my saved bits that I wanted to, and as we know this always goes really well for me, when I have something in my phone.

8:33Vogue Williams:Well we talk about the football, isn't it interesting now? I was thinking to myself, it might be coming back to the country that I reside in a lot of the time. It might be. We could maybe possibly start singing that song. It's coming home to the country I reside in sometimes. It's coming home.

8:49Joanne McNally:One of your nationalities.

8:52Vogue Williams:It's coming home to the country that I live in some of the time. Is it going home? No, it's coming home to the country. No, I have to cut out home. Sorry. It's coming back to the country. I sometimes stay in. Yeah.

9:05Joanne McNally:I change the words. Yeah. Well done. Cut all that Jo. Jesus Christ. As an Irish podcast I want no part of this. It was much catchier in my head. She's singing the national anthem. What's she singing? I just know I'm uncomfortable. I didn't say home. I didn't say home. Ireland is home. Speaking of that, did you see I'm all about not taking shit too seriously. Louis Tomlinson was watching the World Cup while performing. Did you see this? He had his phone set up on the stage while he was performing while England were playing and he was watching the match and he was kind of celebrating when they scored and everything.

9:49Joanne McNally:I was like, no, that's rude. Sorry, Nate. That is cheeky AF. Like, if I paid, his ticket's like 200 quid and he's ringing it in watching TV.

9:59Vogue Williams:Well, that is the difference between having a sold-out show and having a lot of empty seats, Joanne McNally. And it was not said at the start of his... Well... That he had empty seats because people were saying he was watching... I heard he was watching Breaking Bad to begin with.

10:13Joanne McNally:Yeah, he's just watching old episodes of Blue Peter. Like, he just couldn't give a shit. I have to say, as someone who was at Harry Styles only recently, I can tell you now, Harry Styles wasn't watching TV while performing. And Louis, you'd want to have a word with yourself. You seem like a sound guy, but that is just... Imagine! Sorry, imagine us on the ghost tour. Imagine me in York last night watching TV while on stage. It's absolutely, it's so obnoxious. I actually can't get out of it. And I know it's a big deal for football people.

10:46Vogue Williams:Watch it on repeat. Like I watched it, well, T watched the highlights the next day. Watch it on repeat. I thought you were going to say, did you know how much Erling Harland looked like to Amber? And I said, I was going to say, yes, I do. Do you know that fellow, the Norwegian fellow?

11:00Joanne McNally:Oh, I think, do you know what? I think I know who you mean because I don't see Amber in him, but he is quite an unusual looking fella. Like he definitely looks Scandi, doesn't he? He has a Scandi vibe. You can tell he's not maybe from the Midlands.

11:13Vogue Williams:I always think he looks exactly like Amber. I've thought that for ages now, before I even saw him in the World Cup when he was playing for his other team. If I was your sister,

11:23Joanne McNally:I would throw you off a cliff for that comment.

11:26Vogue Williams:I love him. I've been watching loads of stuff on him. He seems like a really standard guy.

11:30Joanne McNally:He does. He seems like a nice guy, but he is quite masculine looking, I would say.

11:35Vogue Williams:I did think that, yeah, well.

11:37Joanne McNally:She's got there. Yeah, there's a Viking vibe there, I would say.

11:41Vogue Williams:I have been into the World Cup, though. I did think the Norwegians would have it. So now you've got England, Argentina and who else? France are playing who? Spain. Who are France playing? By the time this goes out, France and Spain has happened. That happened last night. Now, by the time you listen to this. Maybe it's coming home to the place I'm on holiday at. Jesus.

12:00Joanne McNally:You never know. What does that mean for us, Jo? Can we still stay?

12:06Vogue Williams:It means that England might become a bit of an irritating place for you to be more so than usual for a couple of days or weeks.

12:18Joanne McNally:I love it. But you'd want to see me. I was here. I was in a black car the other day. I'd given out about the traffic and I was like, Jesus, Joanne, for a woman who's not even from here, you've really dug your heels in. I was saying to the driver I was like what the fuck is with the traffic it's fucking disgusting he's like I know I know we're like giving out about the two bridges being closed yeah I'm giving out about people leaving their bins out in the streets I know I know it's terrible it's terrible I do that

12:44Vogue Williams:I do that when I go down to the tube and I'm like the tube is the tube will be three minutes I'm like for god's sake three minutes whereas we'd be waiting for the dart

12:53Joanne McNally:for 25 minutes I know like for two immigrants like for two immigrants we're very gobby about the country. Do you know what I mean?

13:02Vogue Williams:Well, I think it's nice for whoever wins. coming over. Yeah.

13:05Joanne McNally:There's too many people coming over. It's full. It's full now. Can't get into town. It's a disgrace. Shut the airports.

13:18Vogue Williams:Did anyone see Conor McGregor's comeback fight? Is this something to do with his knee? Oh, yeah. He lasted 59 seconds. He was going around in the ring, like the most embarrassing person in the world, thinking that he was going to win his comeback fight. Within 59 seconds, he was out. His opponent actually had to say to the ref, will I stop punching him? Will I stop?

13:41Joanne McNally:59 seconds? I've pissed longer than that. Oh dear Conor. He won't take that well.

13:51Vogue Williams:He scares me. He's already proclaiming God again. The Holy Spirit is behind me. I don't think he was behind you pal

13:58Joanne McNally:the Holy Spirit did God knock out his knee so that's my good news of the week does he need a new one I had dinner with someone last night he told me that her dog has had two knee replacements

14:13Vogue Williams:you always say that you won't pay for like really expensive things for your dogs but when it's your dog and you have to you can't not

14:22Joanne McNally:I don't think I even pay for Pat to have two I'd say, you can have one. You can have one ear replacement

14:30Vogue Williams:and then just get on with it. One ear replacement and a walking stick and you'll be grand. You'll be happy about it. Two!

14:40Joanne McNally:You get two on a scooter. What kind of dog is that? That would need two near. What's he doing? He's a little cute white one. She showed me a photo of my I couldn't tell the breed. Some sort of like chihuahua poodle situation.

14:52Vogue Williams:I was thinking of getting Bertie a nose job actually because I've seen them on Instagram do you know those when Frenchies they get like half their nose yeah lasered so they can breathe but I was thinking of getting off a birthday a little nose job

15:04Joanne McNally:that'd be lovely I had a friend well we had a friend Lola with the designer vagina kind of pug well she was a little pug I was going to say a little pug bulldog she was a little pug no she was a French bulldog sorry she was a French bulldog I mean they don't look the same to me can you say that I think in the animal world yes and And she had a little designer vagina because there's, God love them. They're so inbred that they have a lot of internal problems and they had to redo her vagina. Perfect little vagina at the end. God rest her. Anyway, can we do an email? I have to get a train. Okay. Oh, oh, oh.

15:43Joanne McNally:Can I just also take a moment before we start? Hotel rooms that don't put water in the room. Are we all okay? Are we all okay? Are you, I like, am I completely out of touch with reality? Why would you not put a bottle of water in a hotel? You're waking up. Like, you're parched, obviously, because you've had wine for your dinner. And then there's no... Like, I don't understand it. You're like, your tongue's stuck to the roof. Anyway, go on. Sorry. That's why I'm in. Oh!

16:13Vogue Williams:Hi, Vogue and Joanne and Jo. I feel a need to report a crime, a beauty crime. A crime against cheekbones, hydration, and women just trying to get to work with a full face of products in peace.

16:25Joanne McNally:Whoa. Yeah. Okay. Trying to see the connection. Yeah. Okay.

16:31Vogue Williams:Joanne, after hearing about your recent bin men beef, I was thinking about you the other day because our bin men came around and I waltzed outside with three cans of ice cold Fanta.

16:41Joanne McNally:Did you indeed? I see. You've learned from my mistakes.

16:47Vogue Williams:But we know why you did it. It's not just to do it.

16:50Joanne McNally:John asked me, petrified. Did you walk out in slow motion?

16:55Vogue Williams:The hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The hair blowing in the wind. Like that one that you like from that movie, Easel or whatever her name is. Easel? Who's Easel? From that movie that you played, the bloke.

17:07Joanne McNally:Oh, Liesel. Liesel. No, I was thinking more like, what's your one? The sexy rabbit. Not Liesel from The Sound of Music.

17:17Vogue Williams:Oh, I was thinking like prancing around, like throwing flowers and then just Oh yeah, sorry. Okay, Joanne, after hearing about your recent bin men beef I thought, God, how awful. Imagine being personally victimised by waste management. Yeah.

17:33Joanne McNally:When you put it like that it's really sad. Yeah.

17:36Vogue Williams:Is she the victim though? Is she? I am, yes.

17:39Joanne McNally:I am actually. And today I have a Google doorbell I can show you all the footage. And then today

17:46Vogue Williams:it happened to me. Ah! My boyfriend was leaving the house for work and my makeup bag was in his car. I shouted out the window like a perfectly normal calm woman. Can you take my bag out and leave it on the grass by the curb? I'll be down in two minutes. Important context. It was not beside the green bin. Oh, no. It was not leaning flirtatiously against the green bin. It was not paper, cardboard or a rogue milk carton. It was a leather bag full of gorgeous, expensive products, brushes.

18:16Joanne McNally:Oh, no.

18:17Vogue Williams:And most tragically, my very recently purchased Bear by Vogue face tan overnight mask. A new arrival. A baby. Barely broken in. Get her email and I'll send her an email.

18:32Joanne McNally:I have a feeling that might be the point of this entire letter.

18:37Vogue Williams:That's so weird. Something happened to me with an anxious preoccupied bag the other day. It was a small neon.

18:45Joanne McNally:Something happened to me with a private jet to Ibiza if anyone wants to step up there. Yeah, me.

18:51Vogue Williams:Okay, now we could go on. I ran upstairs for literally two seconds to grab my laptop charger. Then I heard it. The bin truck. My blood ran cold. I shouted to my dad to run outside just to make sure they didn't take the makeup bag. Not because they would, obviously, because who looks at a leather makeup bag on the grass and thinks, ah, yes, recycling. I ran to the window like Rapunzel in a panic. and looked out to see my dad and the bin men waving their arms pointing at the truck. Then the words no woman should ever have to hear. Gone. Crushed in the bin. What? So sad. But there was a man who once fell asleep in a weedy bin and then he was put into the bin and then he, the same thing happened to him.

19:33Vogue Williams:You're obsessed with the story. That's got to be the fifth time you've brought it on.

19:37Joanne McNally:But he's not alone. I'm not going to say it's a regular occurrence but I'm fully aware there's two stories of, there was a woman, a young woman in Spain, the same thing happened to her. She was on her holidays and there was another woman in the UK. They think that -

19:50Vogue Williams:And a man in the UK.

19:52Joanne McNally:That they either are sleeping in the big bins or they're pissed and they fall in because they've dropped a handbag or something. Yeah, I know. What a way to go, man.

20:01Vogue Williams:Okay. Like a banshee, like Kim Kardashian losing her diamond earring in the ocean. Except no one was there to say, Kim, there's people that are dying. There are. Because frankly, I was dying. my makeup, my brushes, my lovely products my face and I'm all compacted into oblivion amongst cereal boxes oh do you ever lose your makeup bag and you're like

20:19Joanne McNally:it's the worst because when you rack it all up

20:22Vogue Williams:like it's really expensive and it's your favourite things that you're dragging the arse out of and it's like you know you need to get rid of it but you can't the worst part I then had no makeup left to cover the panda eyes I'd given myself from crying over the makeup a vicious circle of tragedy about a face print. You should consider writing a book, my friend.

20:48Joanne McNally:We are locked in. We are locked in. So, Joanne,

20:55Vogue Williams:I stand with you. Is this Marion Keys? You wrote this. These bin men are out to get us. They're organized. They're swift. They're ruthless. You're talking about them like, you know, when the Uber drivers surge, Uber at certain points in the day and you're like, why are they doing this? Yes. And they do not respect a woman's right to bronze moisturized skin. Lesson learned. Never leave anything unattended ever anywhere. You see, you guys have opposite problems. They won't take Joanne's shit,

21:23Joanne McNally:but they'll take anything off you. That's kind of wild. Do you know what I would say? Now listen, I'm going to throw it out here. This could be a mad thing to say. Do you reckon one of them just lifted it? Like, and so there's a bin man's wife out there. Is she going there, Jo?

21:39Vogue Williams:You've just fixed it with your bin man. Just. And you want to go do this.

21:44Joanne McNally:I reckon there's a bin man's wife out there with a perfectly bronzed face. That's what I reckon. Sorry.

21:51Vogue Williams:I'll tell you why that didn't happen. And I'm aware that there are, obviously there are bin women, but most of the time you see bin men, right? And usually I'm not happy to speak for all men, but on this occasion, I think I probably am. Certainly all men who don't wear makeup. We don't know how much it costs We have no idea I didn't know that it was expensive You didn't know makeup was expensive? Well yes I wouldn't look at a makeup bag and think Oh it's five grand in there

22:19Joanne McNally:I just wouldn't Yeah I'm telling you now They're not five grand

22:22Vogue Williams:No they're not

22:24Joanne McNally:You're right They're not five grand

22:25Vogue Williams:A makeup artist's case is five grand Yeah yeah

22:27Joanne McNally:Well I'm just saying I don't know how a bin man could confuse that And say it's rubbish I'm saying there's a possibility that there was a rogue bin man and he lifted it. That's all I'm saying.

22:40Vogue Williams:I think it was a genuine mistake and there was no harm meant, no harm done. You weren't personally thrown in the bin yourself. So I would be grateful for that.

22:51Joanne McNally:I would like to know where these bin men are operating because I would like whoever he is, if he did throw it in the bin on my route because my men won't take... Every Wednesday morning I wake up with a pit of stress in my stomach to see if they've taken it or not. It's no way to live.

23:11Vogue Williams:Why don't you just fly tip around at my house? What are they going to do about it?

23:16Joanne McNally:There's a skip out there. I know, yeah. Well, I have to go. I have so many boxes at the moment. It's ridiculous with the move and all. Like the place is like, and the mouse is just openly living in them now. Like he's just, he's not even trying to hide anymore. He's just walking around the flat. Like I guarantee, when I go home because I've been away for a night I'd say he's had his friends over and stuff.

23:38Vogue Williams:Well we do need to go because you need to go and get a train but before we go Joanne quickly tell Vogue why your mousetraps weren't working.

23:44Joanne McNally:Oh yeah well Jo my mousetraps so I put jam in the mousetraps because I don't have cheese and I read up and I've heard that they eat jam so I put some jam in some traps but I was like oh god he doesn't eat jam Jesus he's a high end mouse. Turns out I hadn't set them wasn't that a joke.

24:01Vogue Williams:Yeah they were all just

24:02Joanne McNally:so he's just making his way around going oh look she's giving me a buffet because I did think god the jam's how is it it's dissolving into the air but he's obviously just coming up licking the jam. Must be the heat. I didn't set them properly so yeah so it's but I've also been coming down every morning terrified that I'm going to come across him dead in one of the traps because I don't I we kind of we just kind of live together now I think. I don't know what's happening.

24:26Vogue Williams:But that's going to happen you're going to come across I won't I didn't use mousetraps after I used them years ago in London and I felt so guilty about it that I was like I can't ever do this again I think you can't get moral commented about humane traps there are humane traps but I have been down that road I had a mouse once I had 15 humane traps around

24:47Joanne McNally:oh yeah they just weren't didn't work did they not so what's the humane trap you just kind of

24:53Vogue Williams:play music and they walk in it's like a little seesaw thing so you put the peanut butter inside it. Yeah, okay. They go to the top of this little seesaw. It tips down, then they're in a little box and then they can't get out.

25:03Joanne McNally:Yes. Maybe they sometimes

25:05Vogue Williams:were, maybe it's worth a go. Thank you to the people who did send in those messages.

25:09Joanne McNally:Maybe I'll give that a go because I am, I don't want to come down and find a little mouse with its neck broken on my sitting room floor. I just don't. I don't know what, although I did try and kill it. I mean, look, I'm not, I did try. You know, it's all very well and good now to be like, I want to go down the humane route. I've been trying for weeks to kill him. But the killing route isn't working so I need to find another way to go. He's immortal, this lad. Yeah, but my mum is very determined that I get him out because she's like, if you don't get him out, he'll bring his friends in and there'll be loads of them.

25:44Joanne McNally:Yeah, so I am...

25:45Vogue Williams:Borrow a cat. Borrow someone's cat. Cats don't actually eat them, they play with them so he'll bring it outside.

25:51Joanne McNally:They play with them fatally. You like... No, what's your name with him? Do you see there was a woman in America eaten by an alligator the other day? She went swimming in this. She was hiking with her boyfriend and some friends and she dipped it. Now, it says everywhere, do not swim. Like there's alligator, you know. And she went in and he bit the two arms off her.

26:13Vogue Williams:Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did. A lot of people get eaten by animals every year. I look into that obviously because the kids love knowing stuff like that. There's a lot. Hippos are the worst. Oh, yeah. So if you come across a hippo on your way home from home, York. Watch out. Avoid.

26:30Joanne McNally:Avoid. Say no thank you. Don't be swimming in the Thames.

26:36Vogue Williams:You don't know what to do? I saw a seal in the Thames before. I was like, what are you doing there? God love that seal.

26:42Joanne McNally:Jesus Christ. There's not enough tetanus in the world.

26:48Vogue Williams:Thank you everyone for listening. Off to go home. Joanne's in Exeter this weekend. Exeter.

26:54Joanne McNally:Powderham Palace this Friday.

27:00Vogue Williams:this has been a global production