MTGM EXTRA! "Valuable travel information..."

0:01This is a Global Player original podcast.

0:10Hello and welcome to the bonus episode of My Therapist Ghosted Me With Me, Bo Williams, and her teammate extraordinaire Joanne McNally.

0:25Joanne McNally:Joe has just spotted a lawnmower out of the corner of my camera and he's identified it and I didn't even see it in real life and I've been in the kitchen for 48 hours. You are such a dad, Joe. This is insane. Tell me if it's a fly mower. Does that just happen? Have you started exposing your arse crack now during the day as well? Joanne, you've probably walked around that lawnmower in your kitchen and not noticed it. I didn't even know what it was. I could be mowing the lawn and I wouldn't know what I was doing. I was always a dad. I'm just only recently a father. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's such a...

0:57You have to look at it for me though. Is it a fly mow?

1:00Joanne McNally:Is it a fly mow? Is it a fly mow? Hold on a second. Where did I find that information? Do you know what my toxic... Someone will be written on it. My toxic trait is and I'm like, I wonder how much a fly mow is. It's not heavily branded. It's a lawnmower joke. Come on now. It's a black and decker. It's not even, I don't know why she, do you know what's so interesting I've just realised? I don't know, she had, there isn't a bit of grass in this whole house or garden. So I have absolutely no idea why she has it. She might be contracting. That means she's cutting other people's grass, that means she's out in the cul-de-sac dragging that across the front, you know, the front bit of grass.

1:36Joanne McNally:That's worth money. Oh my God, that's being a kind neighbour. Is she doing like a paper round for like, but with cutting grass? What do they call that? A lawnmower round. what do they call it a Boba job a Boba job did you never go around we used to go around to neighbours in our estate ask if they needed any Boba jobs yeah we used to sing when they'd open the door and then put our hand out put our little hand out for cash imagine the arrogance of that they'd open the door and we would just we'd just start singing we'd just splatter going isn't that terrible and then we'd just put our hand out they'd tell you to fuck off where I was from I wasn't from Kalining from the block you're from the block out there in Houth it was before I moved to Houth the flats No, it was before I moved to her.

2:17Thank you.

2:22Come here to me. I think I have secured, I think, it's not 100 % sure, I might have secured Spencer and Oasis ticket. The only, the only, the only fault is that he'll be on his own.

2:34Joanne McNally:Oh my God. Are you serious? Anyone would want to swap Rose with Spencer. Do you know what? There's a lot I do on my own and I think I am quite an independent person but I don't know if I'd go to an Oasis concert on my own I'd go to I'd go to every single Oasis concert on my own I wouldn't really I wouldn't need anyone I Jo have just found out I know somebody who is working on the Oasis tour that's not how I got the ticket by the way one of my best friends has an insider on the tour and she didn't tell me I was like excuse me well hold on what's she what's she doing now is she doing styling is she doing yeah proper like she's proper in there like there is a chance well apparently what are you suggesting that you might get to touch them in the real world?

3:23Joanne McNally:yeah I just want to touch them I won't say anything they don't like to be spoken to I'm fine with that I would just like to gently touch Liam Liam obviously I don't give a fuck about Noel he ignored me I forgot you're fighting I forgot you're in a celebrity spat with Noel I thought you'd call him Noel Edmonds Do you know who hates Noel Edmonds? No, no, that's me. Sorry, I forgot I'm fighting with Noel Edmonds. Ever since he set up that animal radio show, he didn't give me a gig on it. Do you remember he set up the animal radio show? No, no one remembers that. He set up the dogs, wouldn't he? Remember, we did it, I think we definitely discussed it on the pod before where he set up, because he's as mad as a box of spanners, and he set up a business where he'll ring your animal and kind of talk them through if they're having a bit of a bad day.

4:11Joanne McNally:and he's, you know, he's away with the fairies. I think he's a bit of a tinfoil hat man. I think there's a bang of Jim Carre off him. If there's anyone in the world, Neil Wilson cannot stand, like absolutely, for no reason to spice, Noel Hedman. And the worst, the worst thing about it is that I, and I don't know if Neil's noticed it, but they look very similar. They look like the same. I've studied Neil's face because me and Neil always end up sitting beside each other at events and I don't see any similarity there now Joanne Google it I swear to God I'm telling you there I just found it so peculiar because he doesn't like him so much that then I was like why isn't he he's projecting why the disdain from Neil towards Noel Edmonds is it the cancer thing there are certain there are certain things that are unexplained.

5:10What's the cancer thing? Don't tell him about the cancer thing. That will send him off the edge, whatever that is.

5:15Joanne McNally:Do you remember he went on this morning and he was basically like, you know, if you have a positive, you know, one of the ways to catch cancer is to kind of have a negative outlook. Do you remember this? He's one of those, yeah. He's like, chin up, you know? Who needs chemo? Just, you know, take a brisk walk in nature. Eat buttercups. He's one of those. Yeah. I don't even think Neil knows any of those things. Is he responsible for what you say is the greatest physical comedian of all time? He is, yeah. But I don't know how much he had to do with Mr. Blabby. I don't think Mr. Blabby was his brainchild.

5:46Joanne McNally:Oh, maybe not. Maybe they just collaborated. Yeah, I have a feeling. He just got lucky. I think he got lucky. And I think he, I think he actually had it. I don't think he, if memory serves me correctly, Lee, I don't think he liked working with Sir Blabby, as I call him. I call him Sir Blabby. Because he hasn't been knighted. And I believe that's because he's a minority. You're the reason I'm being held back in TV. go and wear some kind of suit and make it happen for me. Get some kind of suit and dress up and don't say anything. You're right. You know, you're right. I need to be more sidekicky.

6:21Joanne McNally:I do. I need to be more sidekicky. I want her in a suit, Jo. Blue. Blue suiter. Blue with spots. Do you know what I was only thinking the other day? I was like, I don't wear enough wigs. I was actually, that kept me up last night. I said to myself last night, I said, Jesus Christ, Joanna doesn't wear enough wigs and then I couldn't sleep a wink. Yeah. I don't wear, I don't, I don't take advantage of the comedy of wigs enough. You have too much hair. You wouldn't, you wouldn't be able to hide your hair. I'd have to, I'd have to shave it. Yeah. I'd have to shave it. Because when I was at our mutual friend Martin's 40th in Puglia, there was a kind of a Princess Diana wig going around and everyone had a go of it except myself, which is one of my biggest regrets.

7:01Joanne McNally:And the photos are still floating around the WhatsApp group and every single one of them is hysterical. and there must be 50, 60 photos of people in that wig and every single photo is comical. And I said to myself, Joanne, you need to up your wig game. Back to Noel Gowdhury. So yeah, I'm going to feel uncomfortable going to the Oasis gig, obviously because me and Noel have had a huge falling out when he ignored me at Glastonbury when I said hello. What a little bitch. I had plucked up the courage to say hello to him and it wasn't like, there wasn't really many people around. I just walked by him.

7:33Like it was one of those like, hi. and I mean he's no Galahad so actually that was a compliment that he ignored me because if he was nice it would have been weird and probably would have ruined the vibe but now I don't know

7:42Joanne McNally:how we're going to be when he's on stage when he sees me I think to me that reeks of sexual tension if you don't mind me saying my experience is the more a man ignores you the more a man ignores you the more he wants to ride just stupid are you telling me he wants to marry me yes oh no no no I don't know is he the marrier has he got divorced look I am saying yeah he got divorced he's single he is divorced Liam who I would have had my sights on he is not single I'd say now I'd say now I'll give you one and he was embarrassed that's the way I look at life I walk out to my door every day and say all these lads they're all ignoring me because they want to ride me stupid oh are you saying he was intimidated by me yep I am thank you very much he's not as hard as I think he is he's off the gear now so he's probably more kind of trying to work through his feelings yeah Yeah, it was either, he was either deeply intimidated by me or he really just had a disdain for me.

8:39Yeah. We'll never know. We'll never know.

8:41Joanne McNally:And do you know what? It's none of our business. It's none of my business. And I'm willing to let bygones be bygones. I'm going to his gig. Yeah, of course. I hope that he's not put off when he spots me on. He needs the support. He needs the support. God love them. I didn't let them down. I couldn't let them down. God love them. Yeah. And it's not Liam's fault, me and Noel are fighting. I had a similar, I had a run in with, not a run in, but I had a kind of embarrassing interaction, I would say, with a celebrity at Glastonbury, who I, in my half cut state on my Craig Davids, because we have mutual friends, kind of in my head assumed, because often in the business, you kind of just know other people who are similar floating around at the same level.

9:28you know you just do it's just kind of general osmosis and um i and she she actually walked

9:34Joanne McNally:towards me i was at the bar i didn't i didn't kind of like i didn't actually like throw myself across the tent to her but um it because i was like hi let's call her margaret i said margaret hi and well even margaret was not up for the chats my god i it was like it was do you know it was very much it was like if you'd tried to touch harry styles she'd no bouncer but she acted like she was her own but like she just kind of gave me this insane like smile of very much you're like you know no and then just kind of touched my hand and just gently pushed me away from her it was it was actually so do you know it's something so embarrassing it's immediately funny like it's not even you don't even have to wait usually comedy is tragedy plus time blah blah blah blah this was instantly hilarious it was like I was trying to score her it was like I was trying to grab her breasts it was like I was trying to jock her like even if I was did you go for a fan just coming up as a fan I am a fan of her I am a fan of Margot anyway um it was it was quite the computer says no moment it was it was quite something and then I acted at A for Vogue a couple of times after because I had to really demonstrate the smile because it wasn't great it was pretty bad I was certainly put back in my box I can tell you I know and then it kind of puts you off people like when I when that happened to me with Deirdre at Glastonbury remember I told you about her and I was going up we're using fake names I was a big fan and I was like I really loved your work on something and Deirdre was not kind to me and I was like oh my god Deirdre as soon as I turned around I was like I am unfollowing you Deirdre and you don't know what hit you that is it Deirdre I know and I really felt like I took a bit of power back Like a bit of the embarrassment went away once I unfollowed Dina.

11:25Joanne McNally:Yeah, because you're like, I'm not your groupie anymore, you know. Did you unfollow Margaret? You've humiliated me. You've humiliated me in front of my close friends and family. In hindsight, I mean, it was like 4am in the Arcadia area in Glastonbury. I probably had six eyes, do you know what I mean? Like, it was their long days in Glastonbury. I think that's worst. if only I could see through her eyes what was coming towards her do you know what I mean I mean they say there's three sides to every story there's yours there's theirs and then there's the truth and I'd say Margaret is off saying that nutjob tried to rugby tackle me at Annie Mack in Arcadia when I'm saying Deirdre it was obviously not Deirdre Kane because she's a complete legend and we love the balance of her we just aren't we don't there's no point we don't use real names because like why would you if anyone asks me I'll tell you in real life yeah yeah of course yeah yeah particularly after a couple of drinks you'd want to hear I'll give you Joanne's number as well yeah yeah yeah add them to the WhatsApp group any girl who catches me after a show she catches me out the back having a cigarette after a show and I'll tell them anything anything anything at all yeah two drinks I'm anyone's yeah perfect

12:50Joanne McNally:Folk, this is only the bonus. I know we don't have time, but on the main, we need to get to the bottom of Conor McGregor's dick pics to Azealia Banks, the couple that you sent me who were cheating, of course cheating on the jumbo monitor at Coldplay. I would also like to discuss Jojo Siwa and her fucking pivot into trad wifery with that mental cover of Betty Davis' eyes. I've never heard anything like it. And I'm convinced now she is just here for the rage bait. Clear your trout, Jojo. Clear your trout, Jojo. It's not clear your throat. Like three times a week to Anson's just Jojo Siwa into the group.

13:27And we haven't done it yet. She's a marketing genius

13:31Joanne McNally:is what she is. And it needs to be discussed. I've never been so insulted by a dick pic in my life by the way. Honestly that was if I, he is the last dick I would like to see on earth. Of all the dicks in the whole of the earth we'll talk about that on the minute. Hard hitting pod. Hard hitting. Hard hitting news. That's all we deal with folk. As well, you know. We're the news agents. I'm actually surprised we haven't been asked to cover them. Tell Emily Maitlis to watch her back. Joanne's coming for her. Yeah. Does Emily know much about JoJo Siwa? Has she talked about have they covered that on the news agents?

14:09I think John Sopple does that kind of stuff. He does more of the like the JoJo Siwa vibes.

14:15Joanne McNally:Yeah. Emily would cover Conor I'd say though. Yeah. I wouldn't mind doing a little celebrity section after they kind of, you know, dig through the Middle East. Then I could just pop in with a little A lightener. A mood lightener. It's all lies. I also don't think she's actually going out with that guy. Christopher, what's his face either? I think it's all a setup. I think it's all a PR stunt. I think it's all nonsense. Do you know what though? There is so much, I have to say, there is so much nonsense in the industry that we're in. We are just on the sides of it. Like, that's probably why all the famous people are ignoring us.

14:47Oh, we're scum. Yeah, of course, we know that. But we're on the sides of it. But I hear of all the bullshit. And I know when certain things come out about people in the press, there are other people that could be behind it pushing it because they're trying to hide something of their own.

15:01Joanne McNally:Yes. Yes. Folk, it wouldn't kill you to sell a story about me now. It wouldn't kill you. Have a tour coming up. You love a bit of cash. You're well connected. It wouldn't kill you to sell a story. You don't know the pictures I found from you of Glastonbury. Good. yeah fucking come on whatever those photos are Vogue I'd thoroughly I'd encourage you in fact I'd beg you to sell them and they will use the money and go to Sushi Samba well I'd love to go back to Sushi Samba we'll order as many cocktails as we want ring up the daily mail you know those naked the naked pictures you sent for approval they're going out the photo of me trying to take in the vitamin D through my anus what is the thing that the wellness celebrities do ass glaring or something something like that ass gazing there is it's a real thing they tried to make us they tried to make me and Joanne do that on a show together they did put our arseholes up to the sun and then we both said we wouldn't do it and then I said I'd pretend to do it because as you know you can pay me to do anything I was like Vogue no you're not doing it I said stop offering her more money she's not doing it Vogue get up 17 euro 50 done.

16:17Joanne McNally:She wouldn't even spank me. Do you remember? You wouldn't even spank me properly. No, I didn't like spanking you. I just didn't. They were trying to get us to ride, ultimately. Weren't they? It started off with like pawn away to ourselves in a room. We're like, no. Like, no. Who does that? That's why we didn't. That's why it didn't get made. They're like, these two frigid Irish bitches aren't going to do anything we want them to do. You know, I've had loads of people, loads of friends of mine have had sex in the same room as me when I'm there. like I'm probably I've only been awake for one of them awake with my earplugs and I'm asked on waiting for it to finish you're a soundproof sleeper I know you're like you know you're like the rhythm's quickening you're like come on lads come on that's what I mean moving along I gotta go to the toilet I'll throw in some dirty chat myself just to keep it going

17:08hello Joanne Vogue and Jo I've been a long time oh

17:13Joanne McNally:did you have that on yourself Jo? No I didn't thank you Shut up you you've been campaigning for Jo to have a camera I did think we should mic him because it is annoying when he's kind of muffling away off mic You should mic and if you're getting a camera you have to get a light come on I've been a long time listener of the pod and have had this story saved up for a while but this week I booked to see Joanne in Dubai again so I thought it's time to share some valuable travel information for her upcoming trip. Okay. Oh my God. Oh God. Here's one. Oh God. I'd say you've left a decent scattering of these in Dubai already.

17:51You may or may not know that sex toys are illegal in Dubai. I did not know that. Probably better than that now, isn't it? What are you going to do with your hands?

18:03Joanne McNally:You can't bring those hands in with you. Bring the airline. Yeah, I don't need the 60 kgs anymore. Carry on. Yeah, no, we'll get carry on. We'll be fine, Lauren. Thank you. And I've heard one too many stories of women having to reveal their toys at the airport to Arab men in police uniforms to ever consider bringing one here myself. However, this story took place when I was pregnant with my third child and like Vogue, I get an insatiable horn when impregnated. Vogue, everyone fancies me. Williams.

18:42Oh, I'm on fuego. Because my husband works away a lot. I had no choice but to take my chances and attempt to procure some electronic assistance. Luckily, the Amazon sellers here have creatively named such items here so they can be sold to the masses and delivered next day, including calling them lactation massagers. And despite them being intimately shaped and bright pink in colour, they seem to be getting away with it. There you go. so it goes on don't worry so I was super happy when I ordered my lactation massager on time and when I got

19:18Joanne McNally:very clever and when I got the delivery notification I thought nothing of it and resolved to have an evening with myself when I got home from work that was until a few hours later when I checked the notification to see that the delivery driver had left the box on my doorstep and to my horror it was in the original box with another packaging. The one time Amazon don't over package something. Oh my God. In full view of my very conservative neighbourhood is my not so discreetly disguised lactation massager complete with seven vibration modes and varying speeds for maximum milk production of course.

19:59Oh no. I couldn't get out of the office quick enough and my heart sank when I was, it wasn't on my doorstep by the time I got there and that my cleaner had not only brought it inside for me but helpfully left it on my bedside table.

20:13Joanne McNally:Oh dear God. Cue me frantically trying to explain that I was planning to breastfeed and wanted to stimulate my milk at four months pregnant. Oh no. Oh no. Well the nipples are kind of like clits so this all makes sense to me. That's it. Like to be honest especially she's I'm surprised she wasn't dragged out of the place and locked up. I would know that I'd even be embarrassed having that come through the door. Even in London. Do you know what I mean? Because women are taught to be ashamed of our own pleasure. Well, do you know what I realised? Do you know the way we're trying to sell our apartment?

20:47And we had viewers over. And like just people coming into their house. Spenny's dressing room. I never really go in there. There's nothing I want in there. So I'm not usually in there. And I went in after, let's say we've done like seven or eight viewings. On the ground. Spenny did this job. would love honey this job would love honey this like and they were like they gave all this stuff for me but remember I was meant to give you one of it was like a selection box of dildos oh yeah and then maybe about 12 other dildos all stacked on the floor in his dressing room they must be like these absolutely does he know what they are weirdos no I gave away now you're taking too long to pick them up I gave away the selection box don't you no don't you dare folks selection box is gone there's about six devices there for you