MTGM EXTRA! "We have monthly arguments..."

8:55Vogue Williams:Oh, God. Some people are gardeners. I do see it in my future. I have to say, I think that I will be a gardener in my future.

9:02Joanne McNally:There's no other term for what I was doing this morning other than pottering. I had a full-blown potter and it was thoroughly enjoyable. I've also, I've told you I've signed up for a ceramics class at the end of the road. Like I'm living my full middle-aged single woman cat life. I'm thrilled with myself. But I'm also going to get, I'm going to start doing some landscaping.

9:22Vogue Williams:Could I actually book you in for next summer, if you wouldn't mind? I'd love you to pop around and see what you could do with the place.

9:27Joanne McNally:Oh, you're, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, I'll grab the rake. I'll head up. No problem. No problem at all. Yeah, I've got, I've ordered a lawnmower. Like it's, it's fucking yo over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, do you know what I was doing? Oh, sorry, Sandra. Sorry, the whole point of this was Sandra messaged me Oh yeah Did Sandra actually

9:48Vogue Williams:Sandra doesn't do gardening?

9:50Joanne McNally:Is she not? Well that wasn't why Is Sandra telling you she does gardening? No, no, no In case you are a new listener And you don't know Sandra is Vogue's mum Sorry, yeah I mean Who the hell would dip in at this point? Anyway Well, look You don't know I was watering my garden this morning And Sorry, not this morning Yeah, it was this morning but the sun was up and I thought I was doing a great job of resuscitating all the crispy hydrangeas and I was giving all the mint a blast and I was like waterboarding everyone out there and the trees and plants there was no people there and I got I was posting it on Instagram as I do and the immediate reaction was DM DM DM you cannot water plants when the sun is because you'll burn them like you'll burn them it was like I basically I just torched the grass and the flowers.

10:44Joanne McNally:Anyway, Sandra then, of course, was in the DMs and she was just saying, you got to be careful with the gardeners. Don't piss them off. She's obviously had some experience herself. She's like, you wouldn't want to rattle the gardeners, Joanna, by watering your flowers while the sun is up. But anyway, then someone else sent me an article from the Guardian that says you can actually water them during the day. It's just not that advisable because the water evaporates. You're not actually torching your garden like the mother of Muriel's wedding. Do you remember her?

11:10Vogue Williams:Sandra has never even been outside on her balcony to get to the plants. Sandra does a lot of Sandra and she doesn't do a lot. She certainly doesn't do any plants. She's not arsed with them. She was sitting with Gigi. Gigi had dinner last night and Gigi's like, are you my mom's mom? They're just so confused by it. They can't understand it. They keep asking you about it. Because they're like, they can't believe that I have a mom. because I'm their mum.

11:40Joanne McNally:Sorry, I thought she was asking you and I was like, oh my God, talk about, you can't get Botox because you're pregnant. Talk about it coming back to bite you in the ass. I thought she was asking you, were you your mum's mum?

11:52Vogue Williams:No, thank you very bloody much. You haven't aged that much. Do you know what I was doing today? I was, I have boxes and boxes and boxes of baby clothes and I have been going through all of them and keeping the ones that I need. And when I say I have been down there for hours, Like, and it's just, it's like, two of my friends are having the gender that I'm not having. And they are going to be very happy customers. Oh my God, the amount of stuff that I have saved.

12:23Joanne McNally:It's lovely to recycle. And, and, and when, when they let you, of course, I was telling my local Charlie shop, trying to dump all sorts of shit on them the other day, they wouldn't take it.

12:32Vogue Williams:You're not allowed to give certain things. You're not allowed, even with kids, you're not allowed to give, you're not allowed to reuse car seats. they don't take electrics they don't there's so much stuff that they don't take they don't take teddy bears I get it like they just don't want like they don't want shite you know what I mean you have to if you wouldn't keep it yourself don't start like don't be giving anyone your old togs or like your knickers no one wants them sorry but like

12:57Joanne McNally:but the truth of the matter is like as some as look I'm not Gratta Gerberg but I don't like waste and I I heard

13:06Vogue Williams:that's not her name

13:12Vogue Williams:so you talk like you mix up Grash of Garbo and Grash of the other one I'm not I am not Grash of Thunberg you're certainly not Grash of Gerberg

13:29Joanne McNally:God rest her

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14:06Joanne McNally:There is a place for reusing like other people's knickers. Like I wouldn't give, I wouldn't care. For example, I put on a white wash the other day. What? I wouldn't care. If they got a good wash, I really couldn't give a shit.

14:20Vogue Williams:I used to have a real problem in this house of Amber and Megan stealing my knickers. Like, and I was convinced of it. Like, oh my God, knickers would keep going. and I'd be like, this isn't just like, the washing machine is not eating all these fucking really great knickers. And I knew it was the girls and I nearly started to write my initials on my knickers. And I was like, it just seems a bit passive-aggressive.

14:38Joanne McNally:Do you remember the book series Mallory Towers? They were sent off to boarding school and they had all their names stitched into everything they owned. Very Mallory Towers.

14:51Vogue Williams:Yeah, no, I would... Well, that's what you have to do at every school. Do you know how many times I've gone to the school uniform shop the second hand shop to buy back a jumper that used to be mine because my kids just every single day I'm like where is your coat where is your coat and then the other day Gigi was snagging off tea because I told Gigi that I had bought tea's coat of basically one of her old his old classmates had left class and I bought the coat from the second hand shop nothing wrong with it perfect condition but they had a real issue with it when they found it really I didn't I didn't bother telling Gigi where do you think all your dresses are from my friend my god

15:27Joanne McNally:you are raising one bougie bitch I can tell you don't worry till she meets Greta Gerberg over here and I'll educate her on the environment and and the pile of clothes in Africa and all that jazz don't worry I'm gonna I'm gonna give her her moral backbone because she's obviously not getting it over in your house

15:46Vogue Williams:okay we're doing emails do you want to hear one

15:48Joanne McNally:I'd love to

15:49Vogue Williams:why is Joanne such a bitch oh Jo that's really bad Jo Oh my god Jo What?

15:58Joanne McNally:She's making that shit up That's not there Oh sorry, I was like Jesus We're really We're really not venting emails anymore

16:08Vogue Williams:I'm trying to figure out This Sandra business, I think she's Snaking in for a bag I think there's a reason You know when you follow somebody Well when you're single And you're like I'll follow and see if they if they send me back and if they don't you're like unfollow yeah I think that's what she's doing with you

16:27Joanne McNally:she can have a bag

16:30Vogue Williams:London Ireland dilemma hello Joe Vogue and Joanne I have a dilemma that I would like some advice on and I feel you girls would be best placed to offer some girl to girl guidance my partner is English I am Irish already a match made in hell we met we were set up by two mutual friends when I'd been working for a few years in London. After nearly two years together, I got a very good job opportunity offered to me back home. We decided it would be an exciting thing to do. Move home to Ireland, buy a house, get a dog. Now, nearly four years on, what I thought of as fully settled, he has decided it no longer serves him or his career and he'd like a change.

17:16Vogue Williams:That's a toughie. His job is a London-based hybrid remote job, which means he flies back to London for a few days every month. My job is not remote and I'm very lucky to do what I do at the age of 30. As it's quite niche, so moving back to London for me would mean leaving my job, giving up what feels like my once in a lifetime role, my salary and the autonomy I've worked so hard for, for a job that I could not get in London, for what feels like just so he can be in the office more. Although he words it as much more than this relating to family, friends and is necessary for his own success. I don't know what to do.

17:53Vogue Williams:He's very social, active and struggling working from home. So much it arises in monthly arguments. So if I move, I may lose everything I worked so hard to get in my career. Yet if I don't move and it ruins us, I'll be resentful of my job and I'll always wonder what if? Thanks for the read. Love the pod, love the banter.

18:14Joanne McNally:Firstly, monthly arguments, that's not that bad.

18:17Vogue Williams:Yeah, that actually isn't that bad.

18:19Joanne McNally:Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You've got a fucking perfect relationship.

18:22Vogue Williams:Well done.

18:23Joanne McNally:Yeah. Sounds harmonious.

18:25Vogue Williams:Are they married? They are married. They're married. No, they're not married. They've got a dog. They're set up in Ireland.

18:32Joanne McNally:Yeah, yeah.

18:33Vogue Williams:I think it's always important to see something from somebody else's point of view as well. He's not just moving home for the job. Like, I feel like if I was to ask Benny to move back to Dublin, like he'd struggle because so much of his life is in London and I know that so much of my life is in Dublin but I also have some of my life in London it's not like I'm I feel like I'm I'm I'm missing out by not being at home although sometimes I do wish I could live at home but I think uh I just think that sounds like a difficult one for him to to stay here when he's not really that happy and he's working from home and if he's like a person that likes to be in the office then he wants to be around people and obviously he's not being fulfilled for what he's doing over here.

19:20Vogue Williams:Sometimes love isn't enough.

19:22Joanne McNally:Lifestyle plays a huge part in it. It really does. Like if I met a guy tomorrow who said, and we fell madly in love and he's like, I have to live in Lisbon. I'd be like, I'll go to Lisbon. But three years in when you're kind of, you've gotten used to living together and you're kind of in a system and you're in a flow and maybe the honeymoon period has kind of worn off and then you are just in this other culture, in this other country, and you're like, actually, I'm not vibing off this at all. Just because you're in love with someone, it doesn't mean you're going to necessarily stay there. Do you know?

19:55Yeah.

19:56Joanne McNally:But if I was here, I would jump straight to the long distance situation because between Ireland and the UK, it's only a hop, skip and a jump. Now, again, I do go out with the guy when I said I was moving to London, he was like, I'm not doing long distance, but I think he just wanted to get out of the relationship anyway. but some people they're like I'm not doing it but I'd be like could we not give long distance a go or put a timeline on it get a three year plan in place if you're really in love with each other be like okay let's do long distance for a year see if we get on now I do think you disconnect eventually over time there's a certain shelf life on it

20:28Vogue Williams:I don't think I'd be up for long distance having like I travel a lot between Ireland and England like all the time like enough that like you could have a long distance relationship and I just don't think it would be enough I just think that you end up getting used to your own company. I do understand what you're saying about your job, but like it's, it's hands very centered around you, all of it. And you have to consider how he feels. And if you, if you, if you want to stay with him, he's not, he's not going to want to stay here and he's going to grow resentful and he will eventually probably leave and go home because he's obviously not very happy here.

21:09Vogue Williams:And I think that, God, I don't know. It's such a hard one.

21:12Joanne McNally:And if you're going to feel the same if you go to London, then it's over.

21:17Vogue Williams:Is there any way you can talk to your work and see if you can make it like, obviously not.

21:22Joanne McNally:She's an office woman. He's a remote man, but he wants to be based in London. I mean, I can imagine there's a significant amount of relationships that break up for this exact reason. You weigh up relationship, being in love, but being in a country, I don't particularly vibe off. I've no friends and family here, but I'm in love with this person but can you get your whole social scene and all your needs met by one person? No. That leads to problems. Then you can become codependent. It becomes toxic. You become resentful. You need to have your own life. He needs his own life and space and friends and stuff.

21:54Joanne McNally:And it sounds like she's just very, very hooked to the job as it stands. And obviously she's from Dublin or from Ireland. She said she's from Dublin. But amazing to find a job

22:03Vogue Williams:that you love so much. Yeah. That's a bit of a problem for you to try and leave that.

22:07Joanne McNally:But I will say as well, Well, I know this is a very depressing thing to say, but as a single person, you know, it's not great out here.

22:17Joanne McNally:If you have something worth moving around for, I'd have a go. I don't know what her job is. I don't know, because I mean, but in the same breath, I would choose my job over a man every day of the week. So I feel her in that way as well.

22:34Vogue Williams:I don't know about that now, Joanne. Not the job that you're currently doing.

22:37Joanne McNally:The podcast. no I'd give that up tomorrow

22:42Joanne McNally:is that what you mean? Me too I'd quit yeah I mean if there was a lot if there was a lot at the door I'd be gone no but I'm genuine I'm serious like I've been in relationships before where they're like the travelling and the touring and all they're like it's not going to work for us if we want to have a family and all that stuff and I'm like well I'm not I'm not stopping this I love this so so I've you know I've made personal sacrifices for my job and I would choose my job over a relationship Now, whether that's the right decision or not, who knows? Speak to me in 10 years time. I am in the garden doing work trying to find my inner child.

23:13Joanne McNally:I mean, it doesn't sound great at the moment, but I have chosen my job over a relationship before and it sounds like she might do that.

23:23Vogue Williams:Yeah, it does sound like you might do that. Yeah. I suppose you could see how you get on with that.

23:30Joanne McNally:Also, I'm doing a full 180 here. You know, there's other fish in the sea. even though I've just told her to stay in the relationship whatever happens there's other fish in the sea the fish are in bits but they're there it's me, done

23:48Vogue Williams:I mean we've given shocking advice but it's a really that's a decision you have to make with your own head and your own heart and I don't think anybody can advise you on what to do in a situation like that no matter how many people you ask you have to decide yourself

24:03Joanne McNally:And I don't think he's a massive bastard For wanting to go home If you know what I mean Like I don't I think that's really normal I think I'd be the same You've given it a bit of time You've given it a go And you're like No this isn't for me I'm lonely I'm struggling And I can't get all my needs met by one person Nor should we It's too much pressure on a relationship You can't have a boyfriend with no mates Okay You'd be stuck with him fucking for ages You'd be stuck with him all the time That's it No no no no By the way, I'm in Leeds on June 3rd and there are still tickets available if anyone fancies joining me.

24:37Joanne McNally:On your website it says Leeds is sold out.

24:43Joanne McNally:Well, that's good news, isn't it? Well, again, we've covered all bases there. Yeah, so you'll see everyone in Leeds. Thank you for buying the tickets.

24:53Vogue Williams:It's not happening in Brighton on the 18th though.

24:56Joanne McNally:Brighton on the 18th, perfect. I'll see you there. My stats say Leeds is 86%. I mean, who do you have to blow to get real sales reports around here?

25:07Joanne McNally:Brighton, that's a good one, Jo. Push that there, will you? Good man.

25:11Vogue Williams:Yeah. There's a couple. There's a couple in Leeds. Yeah.

25:13Joanne McNally:There's a couple in Leeds, yeah. A couple in Brighton on the 18th. And Liverpool on the 27th. Stunning. Stunning work. Bye. Thank you so much. Bye, everybody.

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