Seat 1A, Bunking Off & A Sexy Priest

0:01This is a Global Player original podcast.

0:15Joanne McNally:Welcome to My Therapist Ghosted Me with myself Joanne McNally and my confidant, co-presenter and sexy work wife, Vogel.

0:30Joanne McNally:I have a culture corner recommendation that is so gruesome I actually don't think I can start with it but I'm dying to tell you about it Oh is that a little tease? Are we doing like they do on the radio? Sure Yeah let's tease Stay tuned Yeah well I actually I actually Putting out a little cultural suspender there a little suggestion of something Well now I don't want to keep everyone on the edge of their seats completely but I too have a little cultural corner for you coming up. Do stick around until the end. Well, I guarantee I fucking wait until you hear mine. Joanne, wait until you hear mine.

1:10Joanne McNally:Alright, go on. No. Oh, sorry. I forgot about that. I've no sense of delayed gratification. Sorry. I have some shameful shameful news. So, I know My favourite kind of news. well I have been flying quite a lot of late back and forth to Ireland and I've been hopping on the Ryanair train because you know I'd usually hit up Berlingus but I've been going from Gatwick and stuff like that and the timings have been better there's a couple of things that I have an issue with Ryanair first of all it doesn't take an hour and a half to get to London I think I said this last week that's how much time they give you just so they're on time and secondly Fogue I have to interrupt you there that's depending on the wind no no no it's either 50 minutes or it's an hour If the wind is behind you pushing you along it's quicker If the wind's behind you it's 50 minutes and if the wind if you've got a headwind it's one hour Okay I know I know I'm telling you So But they put They put an hour No it's because I fly all the time It's because they put Not that you don't but like you're a space tuning I'm not I know I've no concept of time I once woke up I thought we were taken off Do you remember I woke up once I thought we were taken off and we were landing Do you remember that?

2:27Joanne McNally:oh my god, that's so lucky. Yeah. And I was in the middle seat. How I managed to do it, I do not know. And I wasn't even drinking. I was just absolutely wrecked. That's so, that's like time travel. I was like, I'd say the jaw was hanging off me and the fucking eyes rolling in the back of my head. You didn't even do it. You didn't do one of them? No, nothing. I was, I'd been gigging the night before. I'd done it to three shows and I was absolutely wrecked. And I woke up and I was like, oh, here we go. And I was out, I was out, I was up waiting. like the eye out for the drinks trolley and next thing people were unbuckling themselves and I was like what happened?

3:02They must have been raging though they see you get in the flight and they're like we'll make a fortune off this now and then see if I'll sleep.

3:09Joanne McNally:She's so locked. She's the one she bought scratch cards and all she's got watches down.

3:15No matter what I do if I sleep sitting up on flights I'll always wake up I think it's because of the weight of my jaw because my mouth is so big but when it drops open I'm like

3:25Joanne McNally:and pulls my whole head down yeah yeah yeah they're like that 10kg has to go under your seat love you're like it won't fit it won't fit like it's attached to my jaw and there's nothing I can do about it see Ryanair trying to get you to fit it into one of their little bad fitters good luck my friend it's not going near that so sorry go on anyway here's my shameful my shameful story so basically like I I always fly and I like to sit on a window seat for sleepage. So if I'm not flying with the kids, I'll always be on a window seat. Now I've upped my game. And I realised this from the last time I flew home.

4:05I flew over Hoth. If you sit on the left-hand side of the plane, the ABCs, you fly over Hoth. But I was in the other side of the plane and I wasn't flying over Hoth another time. So I did both last week and I was like, huh, I feel a bit more sad today. And I was more sad because I hadn't flown over Hoth. So I had to mail my manager and tell her that I knew I was being an insane diva, but I would like to be in the ABCs. Oh, OK.

4:34Joanne McNally:Well, you mean the A's? No, because it goes A. I don't care if I'm one to 20, A, B or C. Fine, whatever. So you take the aisle so you can see out. No, I take the window seat, but you have to be on the left hand side of the plane, which the seats are all one, A, B, C, two, A, B, A, C. Yeah, but you'd have to be A. You need A. You have to be A. You couldn't be C. Oh, yeah, that's what I mean. Just basically, I want to be on that side on a window seat. That's where I have to sit. So it's A. Just so we're clear about the alphabet here, you mean A. B and C, they don't work. 2A as well. If I have to be pussy sat.

5:07Joanne McNally:If poor Louisa, if she books you, I'm just worried she'll book you a C and you'll fucking blow the plane up. I'm just worried you'll kick off. I'd be extremely confused if I was sat in an aisle seat. I would be extremely confused. There's no words. Upon landing. There's nowhere to fly a plane into in Ireland really, is there? You could still do the SIP2 building. The SIP2 building is still pretty big. Molly Malone's chest. Mm-hmm. Very buoyant. It would just pop back out. You've made your needs clear. Hopefully they're respected. There's not much else I ask for. Just coffee and that. That's all I want and I'm a happy person.

5:45Speaking of aviation disasters, Vogue.

5:50Joanne McNally:yeah yeah well it was having to look at the other side of Dublin I'm not happy I was a happy girl did you see the hilarious forward slash gas story of the two Americans who went viral during the week who were backpacking around Europe as Americans like to do and they were going from Italy and they wanted to go and visit Nice and France and they turned up the airport and they missed their flight so they went up to an Italian I think this is the information Italian ticket desk and said we'd like to go to Nice and the woman went no problemo and booked them two tickets to Nice they realised that on the back of the airplane seat you know they have like the destination it has Tunis like T-U-N-I-S off they go to Africa Tunisia Tunisia yeah quite different culturally different places But actually, because I was like, oh my God, you know the way you wouldn't know what the fuck.

6:54Joanne McNally:Because I didn't, I'm so thick. I didn't cop Tunis is Tunisia. Because I was like, I thought they were going to be fucking dine out in cheese boards. Where do they end up? But Tunisia's actually, Tunisia's actually got a great reputation. It's a good holiday destination. But like, I mean, it's not great if you're looking for Nice. Nice has a very different vibe. It's a very different vibe. Very different vibe. But anyway, off they went. they landed anyway they were like oh we're in Africa and they went up to a desk and then there was a bit of a language barrier and even though people were going mad online and being like it's fucking Americans but it actually wasn't their fault in fairness I know Americans can be a little loose with the geography particularly when they refer to Europe like it's just one housing estate instead of like a billion different countries they're just like we're going to Europe but in fairness to these girls in their defence the woman at the ticket desk yeah it obviously had I don't know I don't know what she was up to or was she taking the piss out of them or was she genuinely missing her stud but she sent them to Africa.

7:50Joanne McNally:My, the thing that I thought, do you know what I thought? I was like, they're obviously loaded if they went, if she was like, they probably maybe don't understand your hour or something. Maybe it's to do, I don't know, maybe you get, I don't know, maybe we, I think we get ripped off for flights but I think we get ripped off for flights in the UK even in comparison to buying somewhere, a flight in Dublin so maybe it was much cheaper for them and it's kind of similar to inter-railing vibe? Maybe, maybe, maybe. To be honest, the Tunis and Tunis thing, I was like, how has that not happened more? Do you know that there's, and especially when people have drinks in the airport, like, you know, I'm surprised, there's a Dublin in Australia and I'm honestly surprised I haven't ended up there at some point.

8:32Joanne McNally:In Australia in particular, because obviously so many Irish went over there, there's roads and towns called Kilkenny and Carlow and Armagh and all sorts, Kells and all sorts of places. and all it would take is a couple of wine, a couple of breakfast wines and a bit of a language barrier with a ticket person. You're screwed. Do you know in Austria they actually have a specific desk for people who thought they were going to Australia and have landed in Austria? Like it happens, it's actually not even about, remember that time I got on the plane that was not bound for Malaga and I was standing on the aircraft and I was just, I told you that story, I did I did tell you that story did you tell us that story I was flying from Aberdeen had you been drinking oh yeah I hadn't been to bed yet and I was I remember that story but I was at yeah I was at Aberdeen airport and I actually boarded a flight that was not going to Malaga and they were like as I got on the plane and I gave my ticket they were like where are you going I was like Malaga and they were like this plane is not going to Malaga who let you on this plane well that's that's the question because you know who let you You let me on the plane.

9:45Joanne McNally:That's a huge security breach. I have to fact check you, Vogue. You're not going to like this, but I have to fact check you. That Austria-Australia thing, it's an urban myth. It was a marketing campaign from, it's not actually... Is it? Yeah, sadly. It was just, it was like, do you know one of those marketing campaigns that just goes viral? Do you remember it was like the ad for, remember the story that went around about the Korean man who divorced his wife because when he married her, she was really hot and when they kids, the kids were ugly. Yeah, and they had... Is that not true either? It was a PR stunt for a facial clinic, like for facelifts.

10:19Joanne McNally:What? Yeah. So the Australian marketing thing, I think, was an ad for, I think it was a marketing command for Austria back in the day. They kind of put grew legs. Okay, well, fine, that's ruined for me. I know, sorry. I'm sorry. But they do do that. I was on a plane again last week, and I did find it funny that the person was like, we're going to, this plane's going to London Gatwick. And I'm looking at him like, why does he keep repeating the fact that we're going to London Gatwick? But obviously it must happen quite often where people just kind of break through.

10:54Supposedly a lot of people mix up Budapest and Bucharest as well. I think it's... Oh yeah. I actually think that's fair enough. I do think that that's fair enough.

11:10Joanne McNally:Folk, you might know the story. Jo doesn't know it. It's a famous story. RT did a radio documentary about it. It's called Don't Go Far. So it was two young Dublin lads, 1985. One's called Keith, one's called Nell. They're best mates. They're hanging around outside the front of the house. Their mother's like, well, one of their friends, they're not brothers, one of their mothers is like, I'm putting your dinner on, don't go far, right? Yeah They were a bit of They bunked off You know what bunked off means Don't you Jo They went on the hop a bit Which is Irish Yeah I'd use the same term Yeah We're culturally not that different We're not at all Jo Bunked Do you ever say Mitch Remember some people You say Mitching off school Well that was my mum's generation I suppose I don't know that one We'd say the hop We were like we're going on the hop We hopped Skyven is another one We hopped If I wasn't bunking off I'd be Skyven Skyven Yeah I was in Bristol At the weekend Jo Yeah well they definitely he skived down there.

12:03That's where you're from,

12:04Joanne McNally:isn't it? Yeah, a little bit further, but yeah, you're in the way. He's from Somerset now. Somerset? That's enough information, Jo. Let's keep it loose. Let's not make this personal. It's a business relationship. Don't be giving us your life story. Anyway, so the two young lads, they were hoppers, they were bunkers, they were skivers. So they decided to walk off to the dart station and they bunked on a dart and got out to Deliri. Now, bear in mind, I think they were 10. They were 10 years of age. They got out to Deliri. Oh, God. There's nothing around. They're bored. They're like, this is shit crack.

12:36Joanne McNally:They hop a bunk on to the ferry to Hollyhead. Oh, my God. Yeah. So they get on the ferry to Hollyhead. And they'd done it before, but the last time they had been stung when they landed, they'd been sent back, right? This time they landed, they were not stung. They ended up bunking onto a train to London. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Their mothers are at home going, where the fuck are the lads? They got talking to a fellow train passenger who kind of was like, oh, these guys, what are they up to? Now, it was 85, you know, different time. Yeah. This lad kind of admired their skill set and was like, you can stay in mine tonight if you want because obviously they were like, look, we've got plans for ourselves.

13:16Joanne McNally:You know, we're going to see how far we can take this. They stayed in this random person's haze for the night, got up the next day, bunked on a tube to Heathrow. Now, there's not a penny in their pockets. This is the Irish charm for you, Jo. this is where the cultural differences do it's a little kid charm though I never did this so off they go to Heathrow no one's done anything to them no one checked their tickets they walk through all the checkpoints telling everyone anyone they're asking they're like oh my ma's behind me they're like okay oh my god straight through Heathrow International Airport sorry they did they had money that they nicked from one of those their charity fountains you know that everyone puts it there.

13:59The thing where you used to put it and it used to go round and round and round. You put it and they'd go around that ball.

14:04Joanne McNally:No, I think it's an actual fountain like where people throw money into the water. I think they just scooped a couple of quid out for themselves. Oh my gosh. Okay, go on. So anyway, and then they were walking kind of alongside with this passenger. They're like, where are you going? He's like, I'm getting on this plane to New York. So the two lads were like, okay. So they walked onto the plane. No. Yeah. They sat in two people's seats. The people came up and they're like, you're in our seats they're like no worries they just walked down to the back of the plane and stood there so they weren't even sitting down taking off stop they took off on an Air India Boeing 747 an Air India Boeing 747 had blown up off the Irish coast two months before killing everyone on board so they'd assumed that security was going to be tighter on these planes doors closed plane takes off couple of minutes later they're off to JFK they land in JFK they get off the plane still no one notices and the only person that stopped them was they went up to a policeman forward slash cop and said which is the most Irish thing ever how do we get into town?

15:10Joanne McNally:And he said where have you come from? And then they're like alright the jig is up we've come from Dublin we've come from yeah the town. Oh my it's such a fun story. The furthest I ever got do you ever remember when you were younger and you'd be like I'm running away and you'd pack a bag full of complete shite like you could have a mug and everything and you'd go off and you'd go down the road I'd sit at the bus stop that's as far as I'd ever guess folk that is so weird that is so weird that you say that because so I remember the first time I ran away and it was around the time where those see-through bags were really in fashion those plastic see-through bags and I got up as far as my mother used to call it the ginnel it was an alleyway up the top of the estate up the top of the cul-de-sac and like that it was just full of plates why did I bring plates I used to bring really random stuff that you wouldn't need like absolutely nothing no toothbrush no knickers for the next day or anything like that just random crap I guess we were setting up shop we were like we're setting up a home in the alleyway so I'm going to eat my mother's Delph I took my favourite like plate because I always was like where was I going with the Delph I had no money you know those kids getting to New York that is absolutely wild maybe we only thought Pat and Sandra would notice it's something they really cared about when missing like their plates and cups and forks.

16:29Joanne McNally:Yeah. When we were gone it was like it was probably quite the relief actually. Yeah. The only time I kind of I kind of ran away I suppose but I was like 16 but I basically I told my mum that I was going over to town my dad's house I told my dad I was going away with my friend's family and then my friend told her parents that she was going away with my family for some reason no one rang each other and off we went to Ben and Medina together for a full week on a pack of holiday. That's fun. We had no money by the last day so we had to just share a pack of salt and vinegar crisps and instead of getting more we got two litres of coke.

17:06Joanne McNally:That's the joy of having parents who can't stand each other. Sorry Sandra, I hope that's not... Yeah. I'm not crossing the line there. I don't even know if she fully knows that that whole thing happened. I don't actually think I've ever told her. I'm sure she'll know now if she's listening but we had a great holiday away. We used to get the bus up to Marbella because we couldn't afford to get a taxi. I think we'd have about 300 euro each for the week. Well, we made it last. I was scrolling through the talk the other night and I saw there was a video of a woman who, the first image on the video was of a child.

17:41Joanne McNally:She's smaller than Gigi. So whatever age that is, I don't know. Walking up the street, like this house in the state street, and the mother's filming her and she's like, I'm going to kill her! and then it cuts to the fact that she put her to bed during the day in her I think her own like the mother's bed and the daughter was supposed to be napping and she got out of bed opened unlocked the patio door and just left what? yeah did she get her back? yeah yeah because the first image was of the girl coming back down the road but the mother didn't even know she was gone she was looking out the window and she saw her coming back and she dragged her in by the ear and then everyone was saying and she was abusing the kid and all.

18:23Joanne McNally:And she was like, I'm trying to teach her a lesson that you can't just bail. Like, you're four. Do you know what I mean? Oh my God. The last thing you want is a child with an adventurous spirit. I want a child like me who's just going to rot in its bed all day. Listen, I'd be doing that too. But it's funny because T is, when he goes over to my brother's house, he's allowed out onto the estate and they kind of play. And he is, like, that is the joy to him. And he comes back and he tells me, And he's like, we were on our own, mummy. And he's like, my brother said that they keep going up to people in theatre.

18:56And he was like, hello, nice to meet you. And puts his hand down to shake their hand. What? Sorry. I'm like, oh, God.

19:05Joanne McNally:Oh, my God. How embarrassing. Because they do it. I know. Because they do it in school. And I'm like, oh, my God. The Irish must be like, what the hell? You need to teach them how to glass people. I'd say just box them. Box them. just chest bump chest bump them theatre those lads were Keith Byrne and Noel Murray we should get them on it's a great story it's so and the radio documentary is really really well made it's really really good it makes me miss the 80s even though I don't remember the 80s but I just that kind of laissez-faire attitude of like just kids running around unbelted on an airplane I just it's like while everyone's just chain smoking doing shots through their eyes.

19:50Joanne McNally:The glory days. We should ask people for any emails. If anyone's got any stories of running away. Running away. Yes. Come in hello at mtgmpod.com. Dot com. Yeah. Great idea. Yeah. And explain to us, was anyone else taking Delph with them? I don't know why. I've never heard that was a strategy. I feel kind of seen that Vogue was doing it as well. Yeah, I used to take my OMC, How Bizarre, just the cassette. No cassette player, I think, but it was my favourite song, so I take that with me. Do you remember those Fisher Price cassette kind of box speaker player things and it had a mic on it. It had a mic on a curly string attached to it and you could go around and you'd press like record on the cassette thing and then you'd be like one, two, one, two and you'd like I'd sing and interview people and stuff.

20:42Joanne McNally:I bet you Pat's so she has an ounce of sentimentality. I guarantee she never kept any of those tapes. probably comedy guys and those things I'd say she couldn't wait to get rid of that child do you know what you were saying there about like being a child in the 80s like Amber asked me a question what did you used to do when you were bored as a child and I actually thought about and I was like we were never bored because we'd go outside we'd all be playing manhunt or we'd be playing tip the can curbs no one plays curbs anymore do you remember how good that game was curbs was that with the golf ball each person no each person stood on a curb you had a ball so you were across the road and you threw the ball and you had to see who hit the curb first and then you were allowed to move closer and closer and closer and then there was a winner I was playing England Ireland Scotland Wales inside outside inside scales with the kids the other day out of elastic bands do you remember that?

21:35Joanne McNally:oh my god that is the most triggering thing I've ever heard how do you remember that? because I bought elastic bands for something and I was like I can't waste these and I was like oh my god England Ireland Scotland Wales this is the problem and they loved it we should be passing this stuff down like the Celts did do you know what I mean we're supposed to be passing stuff down yeah you should be passing tradition down to your younger kids not just handing them Peppa Pig on an iPad in saying that if I had a kid I'd say I'll have to I'll have to get two tiny iPads and attach one to each eye and take them off when it's 17 so like don't get me wrong I get the power or the iPad.

22:15It's like Valium for kids. Yeah, it's just, it's like, it's like, do you know what? It brings free time for parents. But another great game. So does England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, inside, outside, off the rails. And do you ever, you put it up to your knees and you put it up on your thighs and you put it up to your waist and you see who can get the highest. I was playing hangman with the kids. No, we were not.

22:35Joanne McNally:What was going up and down our legs? The elastic bands. Thank God. Okay, I just wanted clarity on that. I just, the 80s were a loose time. I just wasn't sure. I was another game that I was playing with the kids was hangman because I was trying to think of like ways that I could like do a bit of learning as well and anyway Gina was there when I was doing it and I'd spelled out something like birthday birthday and T birthday and I spelled it normal but like T had gotten loads there must have been like at least five letters there and Gina for the fucking life of her couldn't I'm like Gina how? Can you not see that that's birthday.

23:16I think T got it in the end and she's like, oh, T, sorry, I can't tell you there. I'm like, what?