In short
The hosts trade stories and pop-culture chatter, including a bike/cycle-lane accident, International Women’s Day posting anxiety, touring/comedy ticket plugs, and a house purchase plus plans for pets and future collaborations. They also discuss beauty routines (keeping makeup on), celebrity controversies (Jessie Buckley and cats), and arts/awards talk (Timothée Chalamet, opera/ballet, Pavlova/Pavarotti).
Guests
No external guests appear. The episode is hosted by Joanne and Jo (plus recurring references to “Vogue” and “Pat,” but they are not separate interview guests).
Key claims
The bike crash was partly their fault; the cyclist was a dentist and later emailed that he was “right as rain.” Joanne bought a Georgian house in London and is considering rabbits (then recounts a rabbit mess incident). They argue about whether “boiling bodies” has been discussed before. Jessie Buckley “apologized” for saying she doesn’t like cats and later clarified she likes cats.
Notable examples
Cycle-lane collision on Fitzwilliam Road; rabbit toilet disaster; Jackie Kennedy Onassis allegedly stayed in their family’s Hoth house; Pavlova vs “Pavarotti” cake; Louis Theroux’s Manosphere; Timothée Chalamet/Oscar speculation; Charlie XCX’s documentary-style film with Kylie Jenner cameo.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOA Hit and Run Story
0:45 to 1:30
Discussion about an incident involving a bike and a car.
“And I ended up having to pay basically for two new doors for him when it was a wooden basket.”
Eyebrow Maintenance and Mishaps
1:30 to 2:50
Story about eyebrow maintenance leading to an unexpected incident.
“So you're just like, oh, I just walk onto the footpath now because that's the usual way of things.”
Cyclist Confrontation
2:50 to 4:55
Details of the confrontation between the host and a cyclist after the accident.
“Fine I cut you off for sure Whatever You're never supposed to say it's your fault.”
Reflection on Apologies and Responsibility
4:55 to 6:40
Discussion on handling accidents and taking responsibility.
“Now, one, do you remember, and I've told the story before, but again, I'm not even apologising for repeating stories at this stage.”
Pretty Privilege Discussion
6:40 to 7:40
Exploration of how appearance affects interactions during accidents.
“in other places, but Lifestyle Sports basically do, Joanne's.”
The Fifth Birthday of the Podcast
7:40 to 10:10
Celebration and discussion about the podcast's five-year journey.
Boiling Bodies and Wills
11:00 to 14:00
A humorous conversation about wills and unusual burial methods.
“Is that a beauty thing or is that a body disposal thing?”
Heartwarming News: Buying a House
14:00 to 14:40
The hosts share the excitement of one of them buying a house amidst the housing crisis.
“Now, firstly, I was unsure whether to say this on the podcast because I'm very aware with the housing crisis and everything.”
Reflections on Homeownership
14:40 to 16:50
They discuss the differences in home buying experiences between generations and the challenges faced today.
“But I will say, it took me, it's taken me a very long time to do it.”
Plans for the New House
16:50 to 18:20
The conversation shifts to future plans for the new house, including pets and renovations.
“and it has a garden so I'm going to get a load of rabbits.”
Show all 24 chapters
Collaboration and Financial Realities
18:20 to 21:00
They humorously discuss the implications of having a mortgage and potential online collaborations to support it.
“She'll be out in your street corner in a Ford Fiesta.”
Dreams and Fears Around Public Appearances
21:00 to 23:49
One host shares a funny and surreal dream about public appearances and potential mishaps.
“I'll start sending nudes now to Kevin from Caroline just to get him oiled up.”
Celebrity Stories and Pop Culture
23:49 to 26:14
They dive into stories about celebrities, including a surprising connection with Jackie O and recent TV shows.
“You just fucking plug it in like your eyebrow woman.”
Art and Critique of Other Art Forms
26:14 to 28:00
The hosts critique comments made by a celebrity regarding ballet and opera, emphasizing the value of all art forms.
“You can't be shitting on other art forms.”
The Pavarotti Dessert Debate
28:00 to 29:19
The hosts discuss Pavarotti and the dessert Pavlova, sharing personal anecdotes.
“And when you watch the blood, sweat and tears ballet dancers put into their art.”
Concerns About Life Choices
29:20 to 30:59
Joanne expresses worries about not living life fully, while discussing past relationships.
“I don't know because it feels like that's on the rise.”
Celebrity Press and Publicity
31:00 to 33:19
The hosts talk about celebrities' strategies for gaining publicity, including Jessie Buckley's recent controversy.
“I wouldn't care if she doesn't like dogs.”
Dark Humor in Relationships
33:20 to 36:19
A story about a petty ex adds a dark humor element to the discussion of relationships and pets.
“She's very cat-focused and she auditioned to once be a cat.”
Encounters with Law Enforcement
36:20 to 37:49
The hosts recount humorous and bizarre interactions with the police, including a memorable incident in Aberdeen.
“This is why you need people who want to be in the realm because otherwise that's what you get.”
The Origins of Drugs
37:50 to 39:29
A discussion about the history and origins of various drugs, sparking curiosity and humor.
“But anyway, I had to go to this like Gardie headquarters and he was showing me around and they had loads of drugs just in there.”
International Women's Day Reflections
39:30 to 42:01
The hosts reflect on their experiences with International Women's Day and the pressure surrounding it.
“Last year, was it last year, the year before I didn't post you?”
Discussing Makeup and Beauty Routines
42:01 to 43:30
Listeners will hear a light-hearted conversation about makeup preferences and routines.
“She's not sure if she's going to bring them back.”
The Myth of Extensive Skincare Routines
43:31 to 45:38
The hosts explore the practicality of skincare routines and share amusing rumors about celebrities.
“They spray, they sit up straight because sometimes these professional makeup artists, they're so good at what they do.”
Celebrity Connections and Icebreakers
45:39 to 45:51
A fun anecdote about personal connections with celebrities and effective icebreakers.
“Anyway, if I do bump into Nod at any stage, I will be asking him to explain himself.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:02This is a Global Player original podcast.
0:15Are we starting? We're starting.
0:17Joanne McNally:Okay, we have begun. Fantastic.
0:24So I was involved in a hit. And run. No, I did not run. But there was a hit. And walk. And I was unsure of either. Do you know why I was unsure if I should post or if I should mention it on the pod? Because remember that time my basket hit somebody's car door of my bike? Well, this turned into a whole thing. And I ended up having to pay basically for two new doors for him when it was a wooden basket. And I was like, I have got to stop being so fucking honest. Because not everyone's honest. They're liars and takers.
0:57Joanne McNally:Absolutely. So I was going to get my brows done In Kim In the Dublin And the Dublin Makeup Academy In Dublin I was only whizzing in Nice Have to give her a shout out I was only whizzing in Because it wasn't a full treatment It was a tidy Because my eyebrows Like the hairs will grow up To my The hair on my head They're so long They are It's fabulous It's giving wuthering heights I can't bear it I wish it was my eyelashes But it's my eyebrows And they go all rotten and someone said to me they were like oh my god oh what's the story with that despicable me bro and i was like wow someone on instagram i was like i need to get them sorted anyway so i went in i was on my way to a different job and i ran i was raining and like i stopped outside you know it's on it's on fitzwilliam road or whatever it's called and i just walked and i did not know it was a cycle lane oh yeah there's cars and then there's parked cars and then there's a cycle lane and then there's a footpath.
1:56So obviously there's the park car. So you're just like, oh, I just walk onto the footpath now because that's the usual way of things. Knocked over, fell on his bike.
2:05Joanne McNally:Hold on, you knocked him over or he knocked you over? Well, we kind of knocked each other over. Yes. Was he wearing a helmet? Is there a law case coming our way? He was not wearing a helmet, but that is... Well then, you know, it can't be helped. Now, I don't want to throw him under the bus because we both, we were both in the wrong. We were both in the, I didn't see a light on the bike either, I must admit. Was there a bus involved? There was no buses involved. It was just me and a gentleman who was drenched from the rain. And I was trying to like wrangle his bike off his foot because he'd gotten a car in the pedal.
2:42And then he was, he was in a lot of pain. And I was like, all I could say was like, excuse me, I was in pain too. I had sore elbows because I fell. And, but I'm pretty tough. Did he know who you are? is he a fan of Ferry? Here's the thing. So I was like oh my god are you okay and I had a taxi waiting for me and I was like can I get my taxi to bring you home like it's like your trousers are wet you fall in the pool and he was just like he was in a lot of pain he was like I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine and I was like are you sure please can I just I feel really bad like I can't just stand here and leave you here and he was like honestly I'm fine and he was like oh Jesus I'm a dentist my hand and I was like oh no oh let the litigation begin Now it wasn't a high speed collision At any rate So I was like He was really nice about it Because you know the way some cyclists I've had two incidents with cyclists Another one where there was a cyclist behind me And I turned And he was like And then by the time I turned He'd hit the back of me And he had those clips on his feet So fell off the bike But he was like sorry my fault And I was like really?
3:48Fine I cut you off for sure Whatever
3:51Joanne McNally:You're never supposed to say it's your fault. Even if you drive straight into someone's sitting room and your car is in their oven. Never. I don't know whose fault this is, but I'm calling my insurance company immediately. You never say it's your fault. Oh, I've learned my lesson. Anyway, your man on the bike was so nice and he was like, listen, I'm totally fine. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So he cycled off on his merry way and I was like, what a nice fella. And then he mailed me, this is why I didn't mention it. I was like, I'll just wait to see what happens. And he mailed me the next day and he's like right as rain today and I was like I haven't taken a dentist off the list but yeah I just thought you know what in the piss and rain and we both banged into each other and you were still sound about it and I just think shout out to that dentist if you're listening I wonder if it was Joe that cycled into him would he be as forgiving Joe what do you reckon no absolutely not he'd have probably knocked me out I agree and he would have deserved it but I on the other hand did not because I call it pretty privilege Well will I tell you what I think No fence Jo No look Now in fairness Let's call a fucking ugly spade a spade Shall we Sorry I wouldn't easily agree with you But I was wearing a sequin number Yeah yeah yeah Had the hair and makeup done Like I had made the effort you know Sometimes our womanly ways Are a massive benefit I'll be totally honest I can slip it into feminine gear When I need to I can back those eyelashes When he was on the ground I was like you alright I'm like hurry up It's raining on my hair I just got to go you alright you alright yeah when you drive pissed into a guard station by accident you're just batting your eyelashes and they're like go on on your way there now it's nice you tend to see a woman like you get a record I'm joking obviously I don't drink and drive nor do I drive into guard stations she doesn't even drive I don't even drive no danger I barely drink I mean you don't even drive you're like a virgin who can't drive sorry two things you've made me think of by telling us the story where you got away with murder there on the cycle lane because you're hot.
5:53Now, one, do you remember,
5:55Joanne McNally:and I've told the story before, but again, I'm not even apologising for repeating stories at this stage. How long are we doing this podcast? 20 years? I couldn't remember, actually. How many years is it? I said that yesterday. I said five yesterday. Approaching its fifth birthday. Oh my God! Jo, have you had the plan for us or anything? No. I text you about it. I asked you, when are you flying to Australia? Because we need to have its fifth birthday before you do that. I didn't see that. Oh, speaking of Australia, thanks for the segue, Jo. Nice. Glad to help. I said to Vogue, I said, I'm sorry, Vogue, but there's going to be some violent plugging on this podcast.
6:31I dressed up as you today because I knew. I saw that. We were going to plug. I'm wearing Joanne's stage outfit courtesy of Lifestyle Sports. I'm sure they sell it in other places, but Lifestyle Sports basically do, Joanne's. And I was like, I'm going to dress up as this bitch for Halloween. stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop
6:54Joanne McNally:you need to get the varsity letters the penophile written on the back and I'm also going to get a big sage plant and just walk around I'm just going to do like I'm just going to be a hypocrite so I'm going to have like I'm going to have weights in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other hand perfect yeah yeah yeah there's actually quite a bit of weight in a bottle of wine just saying could be 1kgs would you say there is there is Sure, during lockdown when you couldn't buy weights anymore because everyone bought them. I was using like tins of beans and stuff and bottles of water. They do the same job.
7:25Joanne McNally:Of course it was. Bear Grylls over there. Just Australia. Oh, thanks for mentioning that, Jo. Just some pluggy plug plugs there. Melbourne. So we've added some extra dates. Just letting you know. 7 p.m. 12th of April, Melbourne. What else have we got here that's in red? Oh, Perth. 23rd of April, 6.45. What else? What else? What else? final Sydney date 29th of April 6.45 that's it then I'm out also America's now on sale and I'm going all over do you know what do you know what I'm do you know what I'm raging about Jo what did you say that's it then it's all done apart from the entire North American and then America also New York is on the way but it's part of the New York Comedy Festival so that has to go through their I was wondering I was like what did New York do to her fucking hell I was very disappointed to see the second three arena very disappointed only because so was I only because I was devastated only because I was so heartbroken about not being able to buy the 50 tickets for the first three so when the second one came up I was like oh they're now available I said to Vogue I sent her the link I said you'll notice now Vogue there's no need for complimentary tickets now at this stage the production seats are no longer yours here you go bit of business thank you
8:46Joanne McNally:I know I'm having my girls Christmas party I thought there's 10 of us and you'll be paying for it thank you I certainly won't I'll be arriving in this tractor and I'll say it's my show get out of the way yeah you'll be sitting side of stage but your friends will be fine I was saying on Insta the other day there was a lot if Amber asks you for a free ticket please just for fun tell her no I'll charge her I'll charge her a double send her a link I said if you don't mind I'm kind of looking for more kind of a highbrow audience now so I've kind of kind of moved on it's kind of a private event now I've invited Victoria Beckham etc and the chorus yeah it's more like a press event really you should get because you do have a big the three arena like that's gotta you gotta go bigger so I would suggest a bit of Michael Flatney on stage would be fucking brilliant if you could get him on stage this has to stop No Jo how unexpected To have I'll be your Listen Okay fine You've asked That's fine Oh god no No no no I was like She's gonna read into this She's gonna think It's an invitation She's wearing a costume She's gonna wanna be She's gonna wanna be Lowered down on strings As the finale I know she is No I'll pop up Through the middle God you don't have to pay Any extra cash I'll pop up Through the middle Folks Pat's popping up In the middle For fuck's sake Pat She's always trying to steal my thunder.
10:13Joanne McNally:She doesn't know that yet, so maybe cut that out, Jo.
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11:07Have we spoken about boiling bodies? We have. Is that a beauty thing or is that a body disposal thing? No, it's a beauty thing. How do you always assume it's like a new thing that you're both doing?
11:21Joanne McNally:We've definitely done boiling the body funerals. Telling you now we have. I'm going to say my skills come out in strange ways and one thing I have a great memory for is topics on the podcast and I am telling you now on my mother's life which I'll be honest I'm very quick to bet on I'm very quick to bet my mother's life on things so don't take it I'm almost I'm 87.5 % sure we did boil in the bag body funerals before Okay listeners if we've done boil in the bag body funerals let us know because it's something I am I'm deeply aroused by and I'd like to talk about it. Because it is the way things are going because we are going to run out of land.
12:06Joanne McNally:Do you know what? No, they're always saying that. They're saying we're running out of space for humans. Now the population is in decline. Like, make your mind up. Honestly, it's always one way or the other. And I've had it up to here. I'm pointing above my head. Either we did it on the pod or I wrote it into my will. One way or the other, I've definitely dealt with boiling the bag body because I was like, you're like a bag of rice. They just boil you to death and off you go. That's what it is, isn't it? Joanne, have you written a will and I haven't written a will? You've written a will. I'm in the middle of writing a will.
12:37Joanne McNally:Okay. You both need to write a will. You both have assets. Joanne's goes to me and mine goes to my kids and bypasses Spencer. I just don't want Otto getting any of my money. So that's why I need to be very clear that I need to write a will now to write all my godchildren out of it because I've about 19 of them. Jo two things to say to you one I did an interview yesterday and the first question they asked me was she was like I told my friend I was interviewing you and she asked me to ask you do you ever speak to Jo do you ever text Jo outside of the podcast with anything not to do with the podcast and I had to think really hard and I said no Jo's a man though men don't do that they don't just text each other to say hey how are you like I'll send Joanne things and I'm like did you see what I sent you on Insta we need to discuss it now we need to like boys don't do that anything me and Jo discuss it's podcast so if it's something about a topic it's always podcast related so I'm sorry Jo because I think we give the impression that you are the victim of kind of an abusive relationship so we're sorry I'll send you some memes secondly thank you you're grand I'll put you on the meme list it's my love language I'd be careful Jo at the weekends it gets rather busy on there around 3am I don't like to socialize in real life So I just send memes And then get replies And then that's my social battery charged Fine Second show I have some news that Vogue already knows Okay Oh my god This is like heartwarming news Bit of news I bought a house Woo I'm finally on the ladder like the rest of you.
14:26Joanne McNally:I know. Did you buy the one? The one. I bought the house. Yes. Now, firstly, I was unsure whether to say this on the podcast because I'm very aware with the housing crisis and everything. They don't want some bragging bitch going on about her buying a house. But I will say, it took me, it's taken me a very long time to do it. Yeah. And as a single person, it's fucking hard buying houses, especially in London when you're like, you want, how much for this looking out on a load of bins with a spare bedroom? That's basically a wardrobe. I'll say to Pat, you're going to be asleep standing up beside the fucking Dyson when you come over.
15:04Joanne McNally:But I managed to pull it off. But do you know what I was thinking? I was like, it's so crazy. Like my mother, when she bought a house, she's a boomer. There were 20 grand back in the day. A shilling and a fucking bag of rice. I know. They didn't know how lucky they bloody had it. A satsuma. And then they sent to sell it for billions of pounds and now we're looking at houses and I genuinely was because I've never been in the market to buy a house before. I've been renting all my life and house sharing and all that jazz and kind of swinging back and forth to pass. My God, think about this now and like you think back to the mushrooms.
15:37That just doesn't feel that long ago.
15:39Joanne McNally:I know. And now if I have mushrooms, it's by choice. Yes. Do you know what I mean? Now I don't want to take loads of credit but I mean, Joanne and I went for a walk at the weekend and we went, we walked by the house and I felt like, I felt, I felt, you know what, I feel inside, this is for you and I feel like I brought a blessing to the sale. You did. You did bring a blessing. You did bring a blessing. The owner saw you. No, I'm not going to, I'm not going to.
16:08Joanne McNally:I was like, Vogue, would you sign a headshot there and send it through the letterbox? Might help move things along. I think it might take you in the wrong direction, I'm seeing. They're like that riffraff. It did feel like your house. like it's beautiful it's beautiful it's very pretty it's a Georgian house and it's turnkey and when I say someone was saying to me a friend was saying would you not look at getting like a doer-upper and I was like are you I don't even want to turn the key do you know what I mean I'm not even ours turning the key I want an automatic door that I just put my face my eyes read my eyes just walk in it's beautiful the woman who owned it before me she renovated it it's stunning so I'm so so pleased and it has a garden so I'm going to get a load of rabbits.
16:53Oh, Jesus.
16:54Joanne McNally:Yeah, I'm going to start with rabbits. And also I did a shoot yesterday and the photographer had a chihuahua. But then Garela was saying to me that rabbits, he was like, it's quite a sad, because they get eaten all the time by foxes and dogs and all. I said, you're going to be bringing in heads every second week to boil them. I tell you what, I had to babysit a rabbit one night. I'm not joking. Just in the last apartment there. And I was like, I don't know what to do with the rabbits. So I just put the rabbit in the bathroom at night. Like, obviously it was great when we were all awake. and we're all petting the rabbit.
17:22And then I put him in the toilet and then I put out water and stuff like that. Holy shit. When I went in the next day, there was shite all over the toilet. It had ripped up my basket. It ripped up all the toilet paper. I was like, I am not ever getting a rabbit. They are trouble.
17:39Joanne McNally:Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's what Greg said. He said it's a heartbreaking life. So I now have a substantial mortgage. So if you see me doing a little more collabing online, I want no judgment from anyone. From anyone. We're going to do it. Yeah, whatever I'm collabing with, just let me off. I'm a single woman with a mortgage. Dignity is no longer something I'm leading with. I don't care what I'm collabing with. Remember they tried to get me. Do you remember that odour company where you pop the thing down after the toilet and it's... They try to get you to do that? Yeah, I'll be selling cigarettes.
18:26Joanne McNally:I'll be selling anything. Hand grenades, you name it. Yeah. She'll be out in your street corner in a Ford Fiesta. You'll have to hop in the back to buy her goods. I'll be the face of Las Marys or Proud Marys. It's one of those vapes. One of the vapes called. Philip Scalfield.
18:48Joanne McNally:And I want no judgment. It's hard out here, you know, as a single woman. Listen, it'll be worth it with the new house. It'll be worth it. I'll be collabing with Sheen. What's that factory that they just... Boo-hoo, is that not boo-hoo? I'll be the face of boo-hoo. Do you want... No, you'll just have a new line out with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not children, they're just petite. Let's ruin the environment together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi, fast fashion. Have you thought about it? I'm just flagging it now. There might be an increase in some collapse. And there will be no responsibility behind any of it.
19:29Joanne McNally:And I will expect to be supported as... I'll be plugging vapes on International Women's Day because I'll be hiding behind the fact that I'm a single woman trying to buy a home. There you go. That's the news. That's actually brilliant. It's great. It's very good news. and it's also four minutes away from my new house. It's four minutes away. We are a stone's throw, Jo. I'm absolutely thrilled. Yeah. I'm just going to come in. I come into my kitchen one morning. John will just be sitting there vaping, obviously, with her new collab. With my new collab. Someone has to mind the rabbits. It's not going to be me, I can tell you.
20:04The second I buy the house... You can get a dog. You can get a dog because I do want a second dog, but I don't want to have the responsibility of the second dog. so I saw a dog on a rescue site last night and she's no one wants her I'll send you a video of her you can get her and then I'll share her and I'll take her when you go away yeah
20:24Joanne McNally:I'm a rescue you are a rescue yeah they got lucky with you they did Pat really hit the jackpot God love her but the second I move into the house I have to go to the States for two months so it's not it's not ideal oh my god have you got a move in date and everything no no no but I guess it's going to rattle pretty quickly it's going to roll pretty quickly. Have you put in the call to Kevin Carey yet? Poor Kevin. I've started sending Kevin some memes just to get him on board because he Carolinas will be heavily involved. He needs a couple more months to recover from what I've just done to him so I just hold off just a couple of months wait till it's signed.
21:01Joanne McNally:I'll start sending nudes now to Kevin from Caroline just to get him oiled up. Marie will love that. Because it's a Georgian house already. I'm like, I don't know how they're going to get the shit up the stairs. Anyway, look, not my problem. Not my problem. It's Kevin's problem. No, I don't know. Joanne's just going to, if Joanne had to move around so she'd just start throwing sofas out the third floor window of that flag room. I wouldn't be arsed.
21:34Are you watching on YouTube? Because if you are, then please do subscribe because that's very important you do so you're the first ones to get our videos.
21:45Do you know what? I had a bad dream and I think it might was it you who put this in my head about people throwing stuff at me? Because you know I'm doing this yeah I'm doing this in Patrick's Day Parade next week.
21:57Joanne McNally:No I didn't say throw I said assassinated. Assassinated? I said you needed the Popemobile I said you needed a bulletproof and a helmet and a gum shield and armbands and you need to be fully protected because there's a chance you could get shot like JFK. I'm saying it here. I've actually put a bat in it and Paddy Paris, I hope you don't mind. It is, it's seeping into my dreams, Joanne. I was, I was having, I was sleeping away, having a nice time and I had this dream that I was in, in the, in the, in the mobile. I don't know what kind of car I'll be in. I'm hoping now it's a closed roof. And that someone threw a potato at my eyebrow and it burst my eyebrow open.
Read the full transcript
22:34So I was literally like in the dream. I just had all blood running down my face because people were throwing potatoes at me. I can only assume I call potatoes because they're hard and they're Irish
22:43Joanne McNally:Irish people would hardly use potatoes like we'd hardly represent our own the racism level we're not we're not very gunny right so I'm hoping that that like we're not heavily armed we're not heavily armed no I'd say something else I'd say there'd be bottles of piss or something if I was to just take a guess it could be bottles of piss in fairness you know and that's why I want to be sitting beside you in the open top car so when you get shot the blood spatters on my outfit and then I sell it you sell it that's my plan well you have to wear it for 24 hours obviously yes like JFK is what I think Jacqueline Kennedy Jackie Jackie Onassis Jackie Onassis I know she's can I say do you know she slept in my bedroom in our house in Hoth is that not the weirdest story what?
23:30yeah so we used to live in this house in Hoth it was the big house in Hoth
23:33Joanne McNally:sorry sorry sorry sorry before we start this can I just say 20 years we're doing this podcast we've already admitted We've already made it in our repeating stories. And you're saying Jackie O. Nasa slept in your house. And you're only telling us this now. It hasn't come up before. When has it ever come up? Whatever. Whatever. Nothing naturally comes up. You just fucking plug it in like your eyebrow woman. It just did naturally come up. Probably could have chucked it into episode one, I'd say. Yeah. She slept in my bed in Hodes because we used to live in this house. And the Hunts used to live there.
24:04And they own the Hunt Museum. and when they were living there Jackie O came to stay and she stayed in my room actually in the bed that my mum still owns. That's crazy. That's crazy.
24:17Joanne McNally:Yeah. You should kind of dry ride the bed like Barry Keoghan did in Southburn. I have. My mum walked in and she said what are you doing to my bed Vogue? And I said mother mind your own business. I'm riding Jackie O Nassa if you must know. Thank you. Have you watched that show? I'm so sorry Vogue I haven't watched that show. I'm really really sorry. I will watch it I know that it's on my homework to do list I got a little bit into Love is Blind these women some of them bought their wedding the one I'm watching she bought her wedding dress before she even started on the show they're dying to get married they're crying with their mums they've got their garter on their granny's giving them heirlooms and they're like this is the most important day of my life they're in the wedding dress all their family's there and then they walk up the aisle and they go no and they know they're going to say no and they still treat it like it's their wedding It's wild But I will watch that show I promise I will Watch that show But you know when I started watching last night Which is now available Oh listeners Actually I have I have homework for us all We have to watch Louis Theroux's Manosphere It just landed today I saw that Have to watch that But I was watching I started watching I swear last night And oh my god Oh your mom with Tourette's I was bawling cards Really?
25:29Okay It's just so sad The start of it It's really really great And I think it's getting to But like he just seems like such a nice person and Jesus you just you don't know how debilitating it is and like back in the day when he got it everyone was just like what's wrong with you? Like why are you saying that? Like and he kind of just had to grow up with just all those tics and the mad stuff he was saying.
25:50Joanne McNally:That BAFTA thing was such a shit show. My God. Do you know I feel sorry for everyone. For everyone. For everyone. Big time. I know he just did. Why the fuck? Why didn't they take it out? I don't really know. I think I just they said it was a tight turner I mean it's not that tight that's literally the worst word of all the words like I know well it was awful I must watch I swear though and I love that actor he was brilliant oh my he is unbelievable in it it's a really really good watch speaking of actors yeah is Timothee Chalamet okay no he's not I think he's finally I think he's finally oh by the way you know what I don't think he wants to he doesn't want the Oscar that's what's happened yeah he's like I've no space I don't want the Oscar how can I blow myself up yeah yeah exactly all he like it's all this is kind of what his whole world has been like working towards since this Oscar now he hasn't done that well at all the other awards seasons though so maybe he's like well fuck it I'm not going to get it anyway so I'll explain what happened Timothy Chalamet was speaking to Matthew McConaughey and she was talking about because he you know takes himself very seriously as an actor and he believes in the work and he's all very kind of you know high-end artiste and he went you know i want to be involved in something that matters i don't want to do something like ballet or opera where like no one gives a shit basically and then and you know what the gas thing is his mother and his grandmother are dancers anyway it's like timothy hold on hold on if you're in the arts and you want us all to take you very seriously.
27:27Joanne McNally:You can't be shitting on other art forms. Also, as I sit here in my stunning hotel room in the Conrad, looking out at the National Concert Hall, there's people going in and out of that place constantly. Now, I don't know what goes on in there, but I'm assuming it's something operatic. There is, listen, Joanne and Jo, as an arts lover myself, particularly in the classical space, as you know, I found this particularly insulting. I just think we will all have our ballet and opera era. I mean, Andrea Bocelli. Who doesn't love Andrea Bocelli? And when you watch the blood, sweat and tears ballet dancers put into their art.
28:08Their toes.
28:09Joanne McNally:Yes. As an ex-ballerina myself from the age of seven to nine, I found it highly offensive. I'm a huge fan of opera. My favorite was that giant man who died. Pavarotti. Pavarotti. I'm sure he'd love to hear himself being described Is that They name a dessert after him Do they? Pavarotti? I'm thinking of Pavlova I am Jo I am Australia's national dessert Is it? It's the one thing when I'm looking at a menu It's the one thing if it's on the menu I'm like fuck it I have to get the Pavlova That's gas I'll try the Pavlova When I'm in Melbourne On the 12th of April at 7pm I think that's my ex's birthday Why is that date so So Because I've said it 19 times on the podcast Because I'm trying to push it Would that be why it's resonated?
29:01I think that's my ex's birthday Let me check I'll try the Pavarotti is not named after Pavarotti However The chocolate Pavarotti cake is That is my ex's birthday So Joanne you could actually send him
29:15Joanne McNally:A ticket Well I mean you have so many ex's And I do have a lot of tickets to sell So that would work Excuse me I don't know I could fill the place with your husbands will I send them to your ex-husbands just the ex-husbands don't branch out any further than that they'll be too much I think it's a thousand cedar so that would work actually that would work there might be some overspill there could be a couple of ex-husbands having to wait in the lobby I'm glad that you think that about me because I am really concerned and so is Spencer that I'm going to turn around one day and be like I haven't lived enough I need to get out there and be more be more worldly as we like to say I've told you about I'm worried it will be a deep regret on my deathbed.
29:54It won't. I might move into swinging. I don't know because it feels like that's on the rise.
30:00Joanne McNally:As someone who's out here in the trenches, I'm telling you, the grass is always drier, I can tell you. You just rebuff all the people I bring to you. You had no interest in Benicio Del Toro. You're scoffing at Michael Flatley and I just I can't be the go between anymore I refuse to do it because your standards are too high I told you on a sexual sabbatical I plan to resuscitate myself on June 1st until then I am chilling on June 1st what's happening chilling like a frigid villain god you lucky bitch I just couldn't be arsed at the moment myself so I'm just like it's not the season it's not the season so obviously Oscars it's all about the press and it's all about building traction for yourself and they're all in these like the huge press store and obviously Timothy wants this Oscar like and fair enough like whatever of course he does he wants the actor he's a great actor you have to give it to him but like he is a great actor and he goes out with Kylie Jenner so like I'd probably give it to him just for that but I think he's actually kind of shying away from that a little bit now I think he brought his mother to the last awards I think he's been quite strategic now also fair play to Kylie Jenner Charlie XCX has a film out at the moment called The Moment which is kind of a take the piss documentary style you know the way a lot of like acts make documentaries about their tours yeah and Taylor Swift did it and so Charlie XCX did one but it's a kind of a tongue and she kind of take the piss and Kylie Jenner has a little cameo in it she's very good Kylie Jenner is I'm telling you she's very good she seems like great crack as well she has absolutely like she's nailed she's like he's lucky to have her he's lucky to have her and I know and people were surprised that she was a good actress but in fairness she's been in front of the camera since she was a fetal so it kind of makes sense but this is what I was going to say Jessie Buckley as we know made a heinous mistake by saying she didn't like cats.
31:50Joanne McNally:I love Jessie Buckley. I don't give a shit. I wouldn't care if she doesn't like dogs. That's how much I love her. Her and Paul Meskel were on their press tour for Hamnet, that book that we've been threatening to read, Vogue, and it'll be embarrassing. It's right here. I know, but I have it here as well. It doesn't mean we've read it. Just because it's in our hands. Well, I have bought Cathy Burke's autobiography that you told me to just arrived today. So I'm going to ease in with Cathy Burke and then I'll Hamnet. If I were you, I'd audiobook, Cathy's. It's better an audiobook. I'll re-gift. I'll re-gift.
32:19Joanne McNally:I'd audiobook it. I'd audiobook it. Because I had the book and I started the audio. I was like, oh my God, I should have done this from the start because she's a brilliant narrator. But Jessie Buckley came out. She was doing Hamlet promos that she didn't like cats. And of course, all the cat women of the internet obviously nicked off. Wait, quiet. They're like, she hates cats. So now she's come out. She was on Jimmy Fallon. She's issued a public apology and statement. And she's like, no, no, no, no. I really like cats I'd say I'm a quarter cat three quarter dogs because they were asked in the Hamna promo to the early cat or dog people and then she was like I auditioned to be a cat once she's really pulling her back I am cat I am cat I love cats some of my best friends are cats she's just going to start posting herself licking her hand and stuff like she's going to go full cat full cat she auditioned for Cats the Musical which she obviously says she didn't get but sure we know that no more than me announcing I didn't get the job in Motherland.
33:16Joanne McNally:We know you didn't get it, Joanne, or you'd be in it. But yeah, no, she's really, really rowing back. So some of her best friends are cats. She's very cat-focused and she auditioned to once be a cat. So hopefully now she's back in the running. You were such a dog person that when I met up with Joanne, before she even gave me a hug, she took the lead off me. Bertie, yeah. I'll drive. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'll drive. And then I took a... Fog went in to get a coffee and Bertie was like, he was so upset that he was left with me and he was kind of looking for Vogue to come out. And I thought it was really cute.
33:46Joanne McNally:So I posted a video of it to Instagram. I was like, oh, look, I'm waiting for Vogue to come out. And then a woman messaged me and she's like, Joanne, I'm pretty sure you've just posted Vogue's mobile number to your Instagram account. Oh, yeah.
33:59Joanne McNally:His name and her mobile number is on the side of his little harness. I was like, oh, yeah. 10 ,000 views. Uh-oh. I took it down. I took it down almost. The second she said it, I only left it for another half an hour. and then I said no no no this has to come down not trying to get some kudos but I actually am a cat lover and I have had many a cat sorry Joe why are you looking at me like that my first cat was called Monkey I had him when I was eight her when I was eight Monkey well folks I'm delighted to let you know you're now back in the running for the Oscar because you said that and I also I'm a big fan of opera and the ballet I have Pavlova's albums I listen to them relentlessly
34:39Joanne McNally:I'm listening to it right now actually I can't even hear you guys
34:46I saw this thing about pettiest exes and I just it's this guy and his wife were fighting over custody of his beloved German shepherd that he brought to the marriage she fought and fought in court to get the dog they ultimately had to split custody but she got the dog first since he was settling into his new place when it was his turn he went to get the dog and she handed him a box she had put the dog to sleep and cremated it that has stayed with me for over a decade. Vogue, you know this attempts to be a comedy podcast. Okay, Jo, Jo, put this one up the top. Maybe don't start with the dog. Don't start with the dog.
35:24Bloody hell. Russian police went to arrest this guy at his birthday party. He was having a big birthday bash in St. Petersburg. Okay. They went to arrest him because he hadn't done conscription. So he basically was avoiding it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which like, I mean. Yeah, yeah, it's ridiculous, but yeah. Like, yes, I would actually have to agree with him there. Anyway. MIA. It was MIA. They were all celebrating and then a load of officers arrived and then there's just this video online. So some of the officers are starting to arrest your man, but there's a video online of one of the officers just standing in the middle of the room while all this chaos is going on around him.
35:59And he has taken the guys, the birthday boys, headset, VR headset, and he's put it on and he's basically playing a VR headset game and just standing there while the rest of the police are doing their job and he's there just borrowing the headset.
36:13Joanne McNally:Yeah, so he's obviously someone who also doesn't want to be part of this institution. Do you know what I mean? In the conscription. This is why you need people who want to be in the realm because otherwise that's what you get. Do you know what I mean? I mean, it's very, you see a headset on the ground, it's half used. It's tough not to want to put that in your face. And it reminded me of when the police came to my house in Aberdeen, remember? They gave us a lift home. yeah I told this story definitely I told this story I was out in the piss in Aberdeen and we were absolutely deranged we bumped into two police guys they gave us a lift home they're in their uniform and then they came up to our house and like they stayed for an hour or so well I knew a policeman he was a friend of a friend who's now in prison for drug dealing the policeman is is that a good contribution to that story yeah he's making a hard time yeah he must have really fucked up to get caught I mean how do you get caught from the inside.
37:09Come on.
37:11Joanne McNally:I genuinely, if memory serves me correct, which it never does, I genuinely think he was selling drugs that he had taken off other people. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm wrong. Of course. Joanne, I had to do, when I was doing, I was doing a show on drugs and I basically went to this, like, about drugs, I think, as you need to be clear. I was doing drugs. I was on drugs filming a completely unrelated TV show. I remember our reality. So I was coming up. Yeah, I was coming up on camera. Yeah, do you remember that? It was, you know, it was back in the days of the head shops. We were actually trying to do like real drugs, but it turned into something about head shop drugs.
37:51But anyway, I had to go to this like Gardie headquarters and he was showing me around and they had loads of drugs just in there. So they would test them to see how much of what is any. And I was like, which is the highest grade? Go on, pop it in the bag there. Yeah.
38:04Joanne McNally:It's like, do I get a doggy bag? Can I, what's the crack? Where's my party favour? Yeah, your party favour. I'd say if people knew what's in that shit. Like, I mean, it's like you always see stuff online. Supposedly it's 9 % cocaine and the rest is shit. Like tires and glass and all sorts of shit. What's that stuff from the dentist that makes your teeth go numb? Novocaine, Novocaine, all that crap. And paracetamol and just like shit. People have been trying to escape their own minds since time began. I'd say they were snorting lines off Stonehenge. Do you know what I mean? It is what it is. Don't do drugs.
38:44Joanne McNally:Obviously. Don't do drugs. Well, how do you think they found, who found out that heroin was in poppies? Isn't that what it is? Like, who was that person? I know we could talk about things like who, first of all, fried the egg. Like, how do they know to crack an egg and fry it and then eat it? But really, who found heroin in poppies? and cocaine and cocoa plants. Who the fuck was that person? You should Google this, folk. This is a good Google hole for you to go down and then you can teach us about it. I wonder if they won a Nobel Prize or probably not. They probably went to prison. Nobel Crack Prize.
39:17No, no. Nobel, off your head prize. Jokes. You are the winner. Obviously, jokes.
39:28Joanne McNally:I battled it on International Women's Day. the pressure got to me the pressure got to me I was like pressure got to me I forgot it was International Women's Day I woke up thank you folk thank you so much it was a lovely it was a lovely to get tagged I was awaiting my post but whatever you had suggested we were doing a post and then I didn't see yours and then I bottled it I spent too long scrolling and people were like it's not about you it's about the politics it's about moving females forward it's not about your friends I was like oh my god do I post my friends do I post my mother do I post Michelle Obama who do I post so I was paralysed in fear and I posted nothing thing.
40:00Well, do you know what? Last year, was it last year, the year before I didn't post you? And oh my God, people were like, have we fallen out? And then this year I forgot to post my best friend, Ashley. So I quickly popped her up on stories. There's too many. She got her own story frame, but I was like, I fucked it. I forgot to put her in the main page post. There's too many people. Oh my God, my sister-in-law, I didn't put her up either. Jesus, Emma, I'm sorry. It's too much.
40:25Joanne McNally:And then you're kind of scrolling through and then it just feels like it's getting very performative and then suddenly it's about brands being like oh 50 % off for International Women's Day and you're like oh this has just been hijacked now. This is not, this is supposed to be about like female politics and kind of moving the movement forward and then when I was actually giving out to someone about the fact that brands have hijacked it and I had to really check if I could buy it or have done it. I'm trying to think did Bear do it. I know, I was like oh thank god we haven't. That's in the past now, that's in the past now.
40:56Joanne McNally:I was like thank god. Yes. Do you ever get that in your head though? And you're just like, oh, this just feels really performative now. And I just don't want to be involved. Anyway, I'm not a woman anymore. I've lost my labia as a result. It's been taken away. As you saw, my mother reposted you to her story and said, Joanne, I think she thought you were Amber. I think she did too. I think she did too. She thought it was Amber. And so she reposted. I was delighted to get the nod on Sandra's story so she reposted the post-voke did but I'm obviously the first frame so and of course I messaged her I said Sandra this is so gas and Sandra as Sandra she goes I should be on the stage with you I said you should Sandra you absolutely should that'd be gas actually in the arena just have Sandra come out and do one of her eight foot of the days and then just like walk off into the wings she's dragged poor Neil up there's this place called I'll Take You when you come to Spain and it's called La Cunada and it's about 45 minutes from where we stay.
41:59She drags Neil up there every Thursday. She's just told me she's on the way up. Neil doesn't like her suede trousers. She has them in the bag. She's not sure if she's going to bring them back. So she goes up. She spends two hours there and he sits and has a coffee and just waits.
42:13Joanne McNally:I don't know how he does it. I think he enjoys it. It's his new life. I did a shoot yesterday. Gorgeous hair and makeup. Flew into Dublin after the shoot. It's late and then I'm filming something again this morning and the makeup was when I say perfect I fell asleep on the plane and the hair was a little a little ruffled Were they real lashes or your lashes? Ah Jesus how much minoxidil do you think I'm taking? They're obviously fake lashes They were very nice lashes Very nice I thought that that's why I mailed you I wasn't being shady I said you should get you should get like fake lashes that stay in forever you know those ones I always think they look fake though Kelly Brooke had some on in the jungle and she didn't look fake hers looked amazing Really?
42:56You have to lie there for an hour though and you have to have your eyes closed. Yeah, and your eyes closed.
43:00Joanne McNally:You'd have to put me under. I couldn't do it. But anyway, so I was like, I was like, what? Could I keep the makeup? Could you just like, I mean, society says I have to clean my face. Fuck the patriarchy. Will I just keep the makeup on? And how bad will it be if I just kind of sleep sitting up and then I was talking about it and someone said Miriam McCallaghan, who I'm a huge fan of. I love Miriam. She's got five daughters. a few of them have come to the shows and they're so lovely yeah hyper intelligent like just really like a boss biatch I don't even want to call her a biatch a boss lady woman yeah full of integrity she wrote a memoir and didn't slag anyone off that'll tell you what a good person she is I don't know how she got through the word count to be honest I couldn't I couldn't but anyway they were saying Miriam gets her makeup done on Tuesday for prime time her eye makeup and keeps it on all week now I don't know if we should be spreading rumours about Miriam like that because I just don't think Miriam does that because I've seen her eyes and they're not red because I've kept my makeup on one night and my eyes were like red fire.
44:01This is from the horse's mouth.
44:04Joanne McNally:Miriam said that. Miriam said this. So then I did a little shout out about for any sort of hair and makeup tea on Insta and there is that thing and we've again spoken about fordress there where people do get I remember a makeup artist telling me before he had a woman come in on Friday she was getting her hair and makeup done for an event Saturday and she was hoping to get the sundae out of it. What? A lot of people do it. They spray, they sit up straight because sometimes these professional makeup artists, they're so good at what they do. Now, I find it kind of scratches my face a little bit after a while.
44:38I'd miss my skincare routine. One of my favourite things to do at night is to sit there with my hairband on and do my whole little facial routine and I'd miss it. I like having, I like my face being clean.
44:48Joanne McNally:Oh, well, I heard the other day that Niall Horan of One Direction fame and now obviously his own fame, has a 20-step skincare routine. Great skin though. Look at his skin. It speaks for itself. Now, whether this is true or not, because I also heard someone messaged me last night saying Missy Elliott apparently has her makeup artist come in at night when she's sleeping and does her hair and makeup, which then I had to obviously Google and that's fake news. But apparently not, Warren has a 20-step skincare routine. I mean, what? I can't. There's not really 20 steps you can be doing, honestly. what would you be doing for 20 steps?
45:24I'd say, like, maximum, you just need a serum, a moisturizer, a cleanser.
45:28Joanne McNally:Katrina Ryan, who is our, like, Ireland's top dermatologist, said to me, less is more. Less is more. Don't be putting all the shit in your face. Like you said, keep it simple. Bit of serum, bit of SPF. Throw in your fake freckles and go. Anyway, if I do bump into Nod at any stage, I will be asking him to explain himself. He must go to bed at 4 p.m. Tell him I got my first dog in Wollongar, okay? there you go there's a bit of you know like oh look we know the same people we know the same people kind of thing that's a great icebreaker thanks I'll write that down okay thank you so much it was a Doberman so you are welcome for that
46:08Joanne McNally:everyone thank you for listening second free arena's on sale America check out the website I'm kind of going all over the place and New York you're on the way okay bye
46:38This has been a Global Player original production.
From the publisher
Vogue's had an incident, Joanne's got something to tell everyone and Pavarotti had a cake named after him. These are the facts in todays episode. Besides that, Jessie Buckley upset the cat community and there's a tour coming to Australia and New Zealand (and the USA... AND Canada).
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This episode contains explicit language and adult themes that may not be suitable for all listeners.