Nightcap Gone Wild Part 2: Unc went VIRAL for the WRONG reason, Stephen A. left SPEECHLESS, Average SIZE by STATE

18:23Joe Johnson:Right.

18:24Shannon Sharpe:Hell, I didn't even know how to cut it on.

18:26Joe Johnson:Yeah.

18:26Shannon Sharpe:So when I finally got in touch with Jordan, Jordan said, boss, I cut it off. I said, you did? Because I was like, I don't even see IG live no more. He said, nah, boss, I done cut it off and I done, you know, took it down.

18:37Joe Johnson:Yeah. I'm like, I see anybody.

18:40Shannon Sharpe:He's like, so my next question, I see, you think anybody saw it? This man, he's like, boss, really? He's like, yeah, they saw it.

18:50Joe Johnson:Yeah.

18:51Shannon Sharpe:I'm like, oh, man.

18:53Joe Johnson:I understand the embarrassment on your part from that perspective. But there's another perspective that you can look at where you don't have to feel too embarrassed. You know, you hear me? Because you was here when you was well. You hear me? Now, if it was an embarrassed performance, then there's a reason. Now the whole world... No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just telling you. I'm telling you. So the embarrassment part, you don't really have to feel bad about yourself. You can go places. You can walk around with your head high. Women are going to look at you different. Because if they didn't know, now they know.

19:25Shannon Sharpe:Ocho. Yes, sir. Real talk. They put their aid. They call these draws for the Hall of Fame. These draws go into the Hall of Fame. You know how you have an outstanding performance? They want the jersey. The cleats, the glove. Oh, these draw is going to the Hall of Fame. I lied to you, Ocho, for real talk.

19:41Joe Johnson:I'm glad you're feeling better. I'm glad you're feeling better.

19:44Shannon Sharpe:I'm going to go back upstairs once I'm done. Because it's just, Ocho, man, come on. Ocho, you know me. You know how private I am. I don't think people get the level of privacy.

19:56Joe Johnson:I think everybody knows you. Everybody that is close to you understands. Everyone that's been in your life or been around you, whether it be teammates friends associates everybody knows how private you are that's why when it first hit me and i'm reading after i was when i'm when i when i got off set in philly i'm looking at my phone i say no hey no no no no no not not not my aunt that was just chastising me you know a few days ago you can't get over that old joke no i'm just saying about you know about you know being being a professional and all but again mistakes happen so that's why I'm giving you that grace.

20:31Like I was giving grace at being afforded a second chance at what I love to do.

20:38Joe Johnson:You gave me that opportunity. Inside the NFL gave me that opportunity. EA, Madden gave me the opportunity. ESPN has given me the opportunity. All the people that's endorsed and sponsored me have given me that second chance at life. So who am I to sit here because you made a mistake and not give you that same grace I was given? now we can't do it more than once now if you're a repeat offender now we got a problem

21:04Shannon Sharpe:oh i'm gonna repeat that act but the phone gonna be in the car i ain't gonna finish telling nobody i ain't gonna tell nobody hey you know people's like hey god you do that hey hey did i say lord if you get me out of this situation i ain't having no more sex oh no i did not say that right right right i promise you i did not say that yes sir yes sir so i hope people don't think, hey, you know, let that be a lesson to you. Hey, that ain't no lesson. That lesson leave my phone in the car. That's the only lesson I'm thinking for this.

21:30Joe Johnson:Ain't nothing to be ashamed about, man. You good. You good. You good. You good on my end. You good on my end.

21:35Shannon Sharpe:No, I mean, I don't really know what else, I mean, I mean, I don't really know what else to say. I mean, what else to do? I mean, there's nothing I can do now. If I could go back in time, if I can go back and wake up this morning, knowing, that's why hindsight is a magnificent science. Because you have the knowledge of knowing what already happened and it hasn't happened. That's what makes it a magnificent science. But if you control your actions, I don't get to control the consequences. So whatever consequences that come along with my actions, I'll accept them. Nobody, whatever happens with Shannon Sharp, nobody is at fault but Shannon Sharp.

22:17Shannon Sharpe:I wear that. I ain't gonna say where they could have gave me a grace and look what happened to this guy when he did this and look what happened to her when she did that. That ain't how I get down. I control actions. I don't get to control consequences. And so I can live, I can live in a mistake that I've made. I own it. I own it. This was an honest mistake. I don't think anybody that's in this chat, I don't think anybody that know me even casually think I would ever do something like that. I don't desire I don't crave that kind of attention I'm good you don't need you don't

22:53Joe Johnson:need it you I don't it already comes with the name it already comes with the brand

22:59Shannon Sharpe:so yeah my brother you know people that say what your brother say my brother hey bro you you human you made a mistake he said I'm just he said and I just told him what I was gonna do he said I'm proud of you he said I'm proud that you're gonna stand up there stand and look down the barrel of the camera and tell people what actually happened not hide behind not say i was hacked not say somebody set me up oh you did hey hey you did you did hit that uh i was hacked i'm and i'm thinking to myself come on now no you know what here's the thing though jordan being the good soldier that he is oh he put something out there right away put that up okay okay okay i told and once I saw it was up I said man take that down right right you got

23:42Joe Johnson:okay yeah you got to know because I

23:44Shannon Sharpe:was I'm gonna come and I'm gonna look at the people that follow me I'm gonna look look at the people that that that listen to us that like us that watch the podcast that have watched me on first take watch me throughout my 30 plus year career in the public eye nationally yeah I owe it to him yeah come here look down look honest mistake this is what happened nobody's at fault I'm at fault I was reckless I was careless so accountability is big it always have been and when I talk to my kids and I told them what I was going to do daddy I'm proud of you my homeboys you know they got their jokes in oh I know that voice but I don't know that fool so you know Burns Burns and Bucket and you know, Foots a lot of, you know, hey one of the guys, Chad you're going to get a kick out of this one, one of the guys that called me and this was probably only the second time in probably seven, eight years that he's ever called me FaceTime time oh, time hit you?

24:56Shannon Sharpe:He called me FaceTime yeah I said, whew

25:00Joe Johnson:yeah, Brian gonna give you that good word now

25:03Shannon Sharpe:yeah but he had some he had some great words for it for me and that's what that's what friends do i know a lot of y 'all when i say things about colorado didn't play well y 'all try to spin it like i'm attacking him but he knows having worked with me having talked to me in private and been around me he knows how i am and that's what he respects because he knows i'm gonna tell it like it is. I'm going to tell you what you need to know, not what you want to hear. That's why I can't be everybody's friend. And so, you know, Ocho, that's... I done cried. I done really know what else I can do, Ocho.

25:47Shannon Sharpe:There's nothing else I can do.

25:50Joe Johnson:But you could... I mean, I'm sure the people want to know. I mean, I want to know. I've been trying to find a partner for you to have a union so i mean what you can do is is bless us bless myself and and put the rest of the world at ease and you know could tell us who michelle is huh huh no no no no no oh so you're gonna leave us in the dark yes okay okay that's fine i'm not one to peer pressure uh yeah i i think look look

26:24Shannon Sharpe:she deserves uh a a level of anonymity she deserves a level of respect right right um right

26:30Joe Johnson:And so. So, I mean, you do understand with this coming out, do you understand the amount of hearts that you are broken that might have thought they might have had a chance? What do you mean? They still got a chance. What do you mean? Oh, because I ain't married. I know. But still, once you engage in activity like that, what they thought I was, they thought I wasn't capable of a functioning down there. well no not that not not that but i mean normally when you're engaged in someone in that type of act normally there's really no room for anyone else so you actually think that i think that any woman

27:04Shannon Sharpe:that i meet that they're not having sex or haven't had sex they might not have had sex the day that they met me or talked to me right i'm not i mean i'm not i'm not that foolish i'm not that nice this is chelsea handler from dear chelsea every week the news gets worse the world gets crazier and Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible you're the problem. If you come over here to play games, I'ma check you, okay? If you do some in the news that don't sound good, I'ma play you. Join Yamanika Saunders as she breaks down the week's most problematic stories on her new podcast, You're the Problem with Yamanika.

27:44Do you know I just found out who Sidney Sweeney was? New episodes weekly every Wednesday as part of my new network, the Dear Chelsea Network. If he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men. Do better or do less so I don't have to do so much. So join Yamanika each episode as she answers one question. Who's the problem? I'm Yamanika and I'm out. Listen to You're the Problem with Yamanika on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

28:17What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up, y 'all? It's your girl, Sam J. And we're the hosts of Everyone Watches Women's Sports, a new podcast from Together and I Heart Women's Sports. Because let's be real, women's sports is giving us way too much to talk about these days. So Kelsey Finler, she became the first female solo rower to go from California to Hawaii. My first thought is just like, what's up with the snacks? Like, what are we eating? The highlights, the rivalries, the breakout stars, the moments that take over your entire timeline. And the conversations that start during the game and somehow keep going all week.

28:51Every week, we're breaking down the biggest stories across women's sports. Naomi Osaka showing out. She beat Sabalenka. Shout out to you, Naomi. You get the palm, Naomi. You get the palm for that. Because we're not just interested in what happened. We're interested in why everyone's talking about it. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to Everyone Watches Women's Sports on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

29:17Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. You know us, or rather, you know them. Tony and Candace, Nina and Lance, Spike, and yes, the chicken. We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia, AO Rewatch, our brand new podcast. Each week, we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning, breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love, and opening up about our creative process. How did any of this get made?

29:50Why do we think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Kreisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more. Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song, a melody. Well, I thought he was going to write, I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia Ayo Rewatch on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

30:26Joe Johnson:I'm Jake Brennan, and on my podcast, Disgraceland, I tell the stories behind music's biggest names, the moments that shaped them, haunted them, and changed music history forever. Like how the story of the Foo Fighters and Dave Grohl isn't just about music. Imagine that. You're in the biggest band on the planet, as Dave Grohl was in 1994 in Nirvana. And the phone rings. And you learn that your singer, your friend, the reluctant voice of a generation, Kurt Cobain, is dead. This is a story of fame, pressure, friendship, and the weight of fulfilling your destiny. Learn more about the moment everything changed.

31:11Disgraceland is part of the Exactly Right Network. Listen to new episodes every Tuesday, bonus episodes Thursday, and rewinds on Sunday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

31:29My first guest is Paris Hilton, Shakira, Luke and Yerin, Samira and Gracie. I'm so excited. On a bouncy bed. You have surprises. Many surprises. Welcome to Sweet 305, where the group chat comes to life. What up,. It's like a way to say, hello, friend, hello, best friend, hello, sister. What up,. Look, I've never talked to anyone. Except with my children. My children know. Yes.

31:58Joe Johnson:I'm my lover. Oh. Oh. That's incredible. The movie. You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst. It's a lemon. There's no one missing you. Like you say, I'd like to collaborate with this person.

32:37Shannon Sharpe:Roe sparks a game changer in the bedroom. It's a fast-acting eating dream. It devolves under your tongue. Getting hard in 15 minutes and lasting up to 36 hours. Oh, Lord. So when the mood hits, you'll be ready. And just for the attendees, Roe has a special Valentine's gift. On your seat, there's an envelope with a$30 off your first order, which you can get by scanning the QR code on the card screen. around the venue. Ro wants to help couple have great sex. Sometimes that meeting Ro starts. I need this for the night. But other times it means asking your partner the right questions with exactly what we'll be doing in a little game.

33:21Shannon Sharpe:If you have a question you would like to play, please make your way to the floor to wait in line to ask your question. Ladies and gentlemen from the upper deck, you can also come down. Do not be Don't start that shit. We're New Orleans. Y 'all have y 'all have a bunch of questions earlier the break your hands down to the mic now 36 hours 36 hours 36 36 Oh

33:51Shannon Sharpe:36 Hold on hold on just a second. Hold on Hold on Oh I got another one in there. I got another one. Steve and A. Oh, Lord. All right. Come on, my man. What you got?

34:09Joe Johnson:All right. First off, I'm going to say shout-out to y 'all. One of the nightcaps, he was talking about these grippy socks. Yeah. So I got you a pair. I got you a pair.

34:22Shannon Sharpe:Let your boy get that. Let your boy get that. Let your boy get that. Let your boy get me grippy. Go do it. Hey, hey, tear it off.

34:31Joe Johnson:So one thing I got to ask you, Walt, I got to ask you, Walt. Me and myself, I'm a proponent of, you know, using little bullets. You know, nothing crazy, just a little something there, you know. Put it on the clit, knock that out. I'm gone, I'm gone.

35:02Come on, coach.

35:03Shannon Sharpe:Don't mind me.

35:09How do you like to spark it up in a bedroom? You know, without the live, without the live, how do you like to spark it up in a bedroom?

35:39Oh Look what you boy got

35:44Shannon Sharpe:That a grip that's the grip was What what are you talking about they acting shy no he asked me what do I like to do to set it up in the bedroom Oh, you ain't see his IG

36:01Shannon Sharpe:Tell him what you like to do. What I like to do.

36:08Shannon Sharpe:Yeah, that'll probably be a question that you probably should ask her. Look, all that's to see. These new age women, y 'all done gone too far for me.

36:18Joe Johnson:Not really?

36:19Shannon Sharpe:Yeah, they have really.

36:19Joe Johnson:You got involved. I've been telling him, how old are you, sir?

36:23Shannon Sharpe:Nah, he don't sat down. Bro, I ain't no dinosaur. I don't need to evolve.

36:27Joe Johnson:You got involved, man. Man, you got too many rules. I'm going to keep them, too. Hi, guys. I'm Auntie Hammy. Okay. And I am a Coochie College professor. Okay. And I would love. Wait, wait, wait. You're what? A Coochie College professor. Okay, tell me more.

36:53And I have a lesson right now, and it's all about. We're learning about how our coochies relate to owls and our coochies hoot. Like hoot, hoot, hoot. And I would like to know if you guys would like coochie that comes out in the daytime or coochie that comes out at night.

37:16Shannon Sharpe:As long as it comes out, I'm good. Day, night, midday, afternoon, afternoon.

37:24Joe Johnson:Is there a difference in coochie that comes out in the day as opposed to coochie that comes out at night? Yes, coochie that comes out in the daytime is more calm than the coochie that comes out at night. The coochie that comes out at night, it gets wild. Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Like that.

37:47Shannon Sharpe:It's no... It's no... Shit. Oh, hello, hello, hello. Hey, we didn't Hello, can we get a woman to confirm or deny this? Because I'm not, come on, hold on, come on, come on, come on What is that? Was that sex or necks? No, no Oh, what you want? You call it. I mean, that was necks. I ain't understand none of that You understand? Hold on, we're going to get confirmation. She's about to give us confirmation Oh, she's been drinking. She's about to tell. And she got on black

38:24Shannon Sharpe:Yes, that brown. You on that brown? I'm on that brown. And she got one all black? She about to bring it on you. So, I can confirm Auntie Hammie. In the daytime, you know, we moving about our day. So I'm just going to bend it over and tune it up one-two real fast. Okay. But the moment I lay your ass down on that bed, everything gets wet. Sex? Everything he speaks. Oh, sex, sex, sex, sex. Yeah, we got you, you keep it. Yeah, sex.

38:54Joe Johnson:Are you married? Are you your boyfriend here? That's my husband. He was. OK, OK. So he confirmed?

38:59Shannon Sharpe:You confirmed this? Oh, yeah. OK, OK. We got sex there. Thank you very much. I got to write that down.

39:12Shannon Sharpe:Hello? Yes, sir. Hey, what's going on, man? Thank you guys for showing up here. being independent and I want to echo what Prime was saying earlier like part of what we got to do is support you guys like how Prime said support you guys hold on, hold on, hold on give me time, give me time give me time man, give me time but bro, hold on, hold on just a second not to cut you off I think you missed this is like sex or next yeah we we like we ask you like grown-up type question oh i'm married i'm done with okay yeah

39:58Shannon Sharpe:go ahead bro what's going on y 'all how you doing appreciate everything that y 'all put out on the podcast i watch y 'all all the time especially club shay shay love what y 'all do especially marlon wayans love that episode thank you oh my question actually was for prime but he left He'll be back. He'll be back. Yeah, he'll go back. But I do want to confirm this. If you work out, you don't need those pills. What? What? If you work out, you don't need those pills. Do it look like I don't work out? You do work out. But I'm just confirming. If you work out, you don't need those pills.

40:35Joe Johnson:I have a question for you. How do you know just because you work out, you don't need those pills? Because she told you that? Annual physical. Check your testosterone level.

40:46Shannon Sharpe:Ha that ain't got nothing to do how it does how the eagle head yes, it does but I guarantee you We're gonna keep that to myself I don't know Don't tell me don't worry about it. I don't know what you don't know if you miss not on bro. I'm telling you She don't know what she missing out on I don't know

41:11Joe Johnson:Next Hey, I've been working out 57 years. What are you talking about? This is me. Yes, you. Ocho, Stephen A. I wanted to ask you, this girl recently, she put me in the friend zone. We were having great dates, a lot of stuff. She put me in the friend zone after a couple of dates. I want to know, how can I get back in there?

41:34Shannon Sharpe:You not. No? You not. I ain't going to lie to you. See but she starts you she pursued me though. Yeah, yeah, she told you that you weren't her type when she put you in that

41:46Joe Johnson:Wait, wait, you leaving out some key parts. Yes. She pursues you. She pursued me. Wait, let me finish Y 'all had sex already? Yeah What are we saying?

42:06Shannon Sharpe:No, no, no. You come up shop? No, no, no, no. It wasn't that. It wasn't that. You sure? It wasn't that. No, no. Ocho, it wasn't that. It wasn't that. It was after.

42:19Joe Johnson:It happened to me, so I'm just... Can answer this? Can answer this? Yeah. my brother it was after a little while my brother quit while you were ahead let me finish you said she pursued you you said y 'all went out on a couple of dates you said

42:48Shannon Sharpe:you gave her some and then you said She don't want no more Young man That's a good point Move on United for her

43:04Joe Johnson:I love you Don't trip, I've been there Love you Ocho

43:09Shannon Sharpe:I love you I'm in the friend zone now I don't believe my man Needed us to tell him That it was over I said I don't believe he needed us to tell him it was over you know what sometimes sometimes when you used to live in a lie you know you got to come to the fellas for the truth cause you don't want to accept it yourself that was him I'll tell you how you can get out of the friend zone put that on them well 36 pounds It won't be no friend no more Hey, everybody I love the show Get your boy a subscription, you know what I'm saying? That's going to help him out a lot It ain't Not that problem Rudy Odiano from Austin, Texas I think I speak for everybody here We miss Shannon I love the show First takes way better than Undisputed I ain't going to lie But we miss Shannon and be like, Skim, Skim, what's going on with the Cowboys?

44:19Shannon Sharpe:Skim, Skim? But anyways, we missed that. But my question is, everybody has the question. I don't know if you noticed, but he's doing a hell of a lot better on the first take. He is. You know what I'm saying? He is. All right. Remember that. I like first take better than other speed. You're damn right. So does everybody else. The main question, everybody has the same question. Everybody's thinking the same question. Who the hell is Michelle? That's all we want to know. Michelle Obama?

44:47Joe Johnson:Michelle who? I want to know who Michelle is. I still don't know. Who is Michelle?

44:56Shannon Sharpe:She was. Still is.

45:01Shannon Sharpe:I'm just trying to figure out. What is it? I mean, like, if I'd have never said that name, nobody would have been interested in her. But we heard you say, whose dick is this Michelle?

45:13Joe Johnson:We heard you. So now we want to know who Michelle is and what did she say? She ain't say nothing

45:25Shannon Sharpe:Next

45:31Shannon Sharpe:See what I got to go through Stephen a you see what I got to go through Yeah, I do feel bad for you, you know When the fellas come asking you To tell your business like that. That's not how it usually works fellas It's usually the ladies that's asking, who is she?

45:48Joe Johnson:The fellas ain't the ones that's supposed to be asking these questions. Most of the time, when it's out in the public like that, then there's public consumption, so I need to understand. I want better context. As my co-host, don't lie to me. You got the context. We got all the context we need. You ain't devoid of the context. Stop that. This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Every week, the news gets worse, the world gets crazier, and Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible you're the problem. If you come over here to play games, I'ma check you, okay? If you do some in the news that don't sound good, I'ma play you.

46:28Join Yamanika Saunders as she breaks down the week's most problematic stories on her new podcast, You're the Problem, with Yamanika. Do you know I just found out who Sidney Sweeney was? New episodes weekly every Wednesday as part of my new network, the Dear Chelsea Network. If he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men. Do better or do less so I don't have to do so much. So join Yamanika each episode as she answers one question. Who's the problem? I'm Yamanika and I'm out. Listen to You're the Problem with Yamanika on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

47:09What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up, y 'all? It's your girl, Sam J. And we're the hosts of Everyone Watches Women's Sports, a new podcast from Together and I Heart Women's Sports. Because let's be real, women's sports is giving us way too much to talk about these days. So Kelsey Finler, she became the first female solo rower to go from California to Hawaii. My first thought is just like, what's up with the snacks? Like, what are we eating? The highlights, the rivalries, the breakout stars, the moments that take over your entire timeline. And the conversations that start during the game and somehow keep going all week.

47:43Every week, we're breaking down the biggest stories across women's sports. Naomi Osaka showing out. She beat Sabalenka. Shout outs to you, Naomi. You get the palm, Naomi. You get the palm for that. Because we're not just interested in what happened. We're interested in why everyone's talking about it. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to Everyone Watches Women's Sports on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

48:09Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. You know us, or rather, you know them. Tony and Candace, Nina and Lance, Spike, and yes, the chicken. We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia, AO Rewatch, our brand new podcast. Each week, we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning, breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love, and opening up about our creative process. How did any of this get made?

48:42Why do we think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Kreisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more. Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song, a melody. Well, I thought he was going to write, I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia A-O Rewatch on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

49:17I'm Jake Brennan, and on the Disgraceland podcast, I explore the wild lives of rock stars and unbelievable true crime stories from music history. These are the stories you haven't heard, the kind you'll end up telling someone else. Like the time Paul McCartney spent in one of the world's most notorious prisons. Imagine that. You're Paul McCartney. It's 1980. You're an ex-Beatle. And you're doing time in one of Japan's worst prisons right there alongside Yakuza gangsters and for a ridiculous charge. Or the bizarre crime Lady Gaga is accused of. Who is the artist Lady Gaga is being accused of doing the unthinkable to after allegedly stealing her music and style to become famous?

50:06And what about that time Blondie's Debbie Harry escaped a serial killer? The man who had given her that ride she barely escaped from was Ted Bundy. Listen to Disgraceland on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

50:26My first guest is Paris Hilton, Shakira, Luke and Yerin, Samira and Gracie. I'm so excited. On a bouncy bed. You have surprises. Many surprises. Welcome to Sweet 305, where the group chat comes to life. What up,. It's like a way to say, Hello, friend. Hello, best friend. Hello, sister. What up,. Look, I've never talked to anyone. Except with my children. My children know. Yes.

50:54Joe Johnson:I'm my love. Oh,. What a great movie. You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst. It's laminated. There's no one missing you. Like you say, I'd like to collaborate with this person. This is Sweet 305. Listen to Sweet 305 with Lele Pons as part of my Cultura podcast network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

51:27Joe Johnson:See, hey, hey, Joe, that's gonna be our show, Joe. When football season ends, I got a TVU backpack, right? I haven't been able to use it. So you know how you got all the streamers, Kai Sinod and all them boys. So we don't have nothing for the old folks or the older crowd.

51:44Shannon Sharpe:I see, I see. Hey Joe. Don't worry about this Joe.

51:48Joe Johnson:Especially the house of Harper Day. Hey Joe, well, listen, we gonna have old folks time. We gonna bowl, we gonna go fishing. We gonna play pool.

51:59Shannon Sharpe:I already know you don't know nothing about no fishing. We going to court everything. You don't know how to fishing. You don't know how to set no hook. You don't know how to set no line. You don't know nothing about no fishing. You don't. Hey, hey, wait a minute. See, that's how I know.

52:11Joe Johnson:Hey, that's how I know he don't know about me. I'm from Miami. Hey, I used to catch Goliath grouper back in 83.

52:18Shannon Sharpe:You catch what kind of grouper? Goliath grouper. First of all, they put your ass in jail, you catch a Goliath grouper. Hey, hold on.

52:26Joe Johnson:Hold on. I threw him back. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

52:28Shannon Sharpe:You better throw his ass back. I threw him back. You don't throw it back. They gonna throw your ass in jail. You can't keep your Goliath Rupert.

52:38Joe Johnson:Yeah, hey, but listen, listen, statement real quick, real quick. They used to take me, they used to take me to fishermen. They call in Captain Jack. Captain Jack used to take me deep sea fishing. We used to catch Goliath Rupert. Matter of fact, when he couldn't bring it in,

52:52Shannon Sharpe:I used to get in the water, right? First of all, you don't actually go fishing for Goliath Rupert. They actually like just bite. So what were you actually fishing for? We caught him by accident. He was like 630 pounds. So what were you actually fishing for? Snapper, were you fishing for tuna? Brezzino, what were you actually fishing for? Tuna. This boy here. Hey, we were fishing for tuna. All right. I'll tell you what, Ocho. In Barracuda. I'll oblige you. We'll go deep sea fishing, we go shore fishing, we go whatever. We go bass fishing, we can go crappie fishing, we go sheep head fishing, drum, black drum, hey, whatever.

53:33Joe Johnson:Wait a minute, let's do the hardest one. Let's do the hardest one. Let's go spear fishing. Let's go spear fishing. Yeah, OK, OK, OK. Yeah, I'm a nomad. I can hold my breath by six minutes.

53:47Shannon Sharpe:Oh, Lord have mercy. Let's go spear fishing. I'm telling you what. Yeah, hey, hey, I'm a free diver. Look, we can go catch perch, we can catch bluegill, we can go fish whatever. I'm not going hunting with you. First of all, I'm gonna need you to get six months of gun training before I go hunting with you. Cause you not finna shoot me in my ass.

54:08Joe Johnson:Hey, no, no, I ain't gonna shoot you. If I ain't gonna shoot you. Hell no. But you know how to, hey, stay with me now. I know how to work a pistol, you hear me? First of all, who going hunting with a pistol?

54:19Shannon Sharpe:What the hell you hunt for? What you hunt with? What do you, oh, Joe, we either go, we either take a 12 gauge or we taking a high power rifle, 30, 30, 30, 30, 308, something like that. I got my switch, I don't need all that. Ain't nobody going no damn switching no damn. See, that's what I'm trying to talk about, Chad. You see what I'm saying? Hey, Joe, hey, Joe, he tripping. Hey, hey. Hey, Joe, it'll be showing how I'm hunting, Joe. You're going to be going to the club. I'm going to the woods. I'm trying to, we gonna kill whitetail, we gonna kill hogs or something. He up there talking about some bull giant.

55:00Shannon Sharpe:Or we go quail hunting, pheasant hunting, I don't care. But I need him to get some training because I'm not going nowhere with no gun with Ocho and he ain't never shot a gun a day in his damn life.

55:14Shannon Sharpe:He ain't been shooting me up my ass. Hey, listen, me and the homies, we used to go paintballing. We used to go paintballing. and we divide up in teams, be like five out of 10. Then we split up out in the woods, and they come back in and he say, man, I can't be on this dude team. This dude just shot me in my face, I mean, we team. Exactly. Man, that's about, he ain't talking about he going hunting. He ain't bad talking about he going hunting with a pistol. Who the hell hunting with a pistol? Uh-oh, there you go.

55:42Joe Johnson:Hey, the animals ain't even gonna see me coming, Joe. Oh, man. Hey, they ain't even gonna see me coming, Joe.

55:49Shannon Sharpe:Oh, Joe. Do you know how to get in a tree stand? Yo. Yeah.

55:54Joe Johnson:Do I know how to get in a tree stand? But I had a tree house. I built a tree house back in. Joe, I had a tree house when I was 13. I built a tree house in a tree by myself.

56:06Shannon Sharpe:This man don't know how to stand in no tree stand. He don't know how to sit still. First of all, he ain't going to be quiet.

56:14Joe Johnson:Hold on. Wait a minute. I went with Carson Palmer. I went with Carson and Jordan Palmer. They took me deer hunting. I was in the tree stand for seven hours.

56:23Shannon Sharpe:I had to douse myself with pee pee. Yeah, don't piss. Oh, excuse me. But anyway, Ocho, Joe, he gonna go out there with Creed on and all the animals gonna smell his ass from a mile away. Hell no. I ain't gonna go nowhere with you. He done got on. No, no, no. He don't know how to stay down. He don't know how to stay up.

56:43Joe Johnson:i'm not no i'm a chill hey joe everything everything he talking about i done did joe i done did i just i just it's not something that i'm that i'm that i'm excited about but i've been i've done everything once joe i've done everything with all the hunting all that fish and all that deal you gotta stay down when you know joe you know how to stay down when yeah you ain't got no choice but to stay down when because if you don't stay down when they gonna know you down they got the hey listen them animals that they got the greatest sense of smell of all that's why

57:12Shannon Sharpe:I have not gone with you because you going out there with cologne on. I ain't go with no cologne, Uncle. I ain't even showered in three days. Hey, he don't know how to wear no camouflage. He out there with a red Cristiano Ronaldo jersey. And tell my dad, where the animals at, huh? Because they smell it, they see your ass with that big old red jersey on. That would have F that. He don't know how to wear no camouflage. Man, I ain't fooling with no Joe Bann. Man, he don't know how to dress. Man, he ain't got no gear. Ooh. Ooh. Boy, listen.

57:47Joe Johnson:Hey, I got some camouflage, y 'all.

57:50Shannon Sharpe:Hey, listen, I ain't gonna lie. I ain't gonna lie. That'll be a sight to see, boy. Yeah.

57:55Joe Johnson:That's why we gonna stream it. We gonna stream it 24-7. I'm telling you.

57:59Shannon Sharpe:I bet I know how to hunt. And we going squirrel hunting, we going rabbit hunting, we going quail hunting. First of all, Ocho, you ain't never shot no gun. You never shot no animal on the move. Hold on, time out, um.

58:10Joe Johnson:I done hit squirrels back in the day, Unc. I done hit raccoons and opossums down here in my head, Unc.

58:14Shannon Sharpe:What'd you shoot with that BB gun, that Pelican? Huh?

58:17Joe Johnson:Who, me? Yeah. Oh, no, I had a 64. A 64? What the hell is that? Yeah. Yeah, see, that's what I'm talking about. That's how I know you ain't no shooter. First of all. You ain't know what a 64 is, yeah. First of all. Hey, Unc, that's what we carry. Hey, Unc, that's what we carry down here in the crib. I'm shooting Jesus. I'm telling you. No, first of all, Ocho, you shoot a squirrel.

58:35Shannon Sharpe:First of all, you use a rifle, man, because it's a small animal. but you don't want to mess up the meat. No, no, no, no, no, no. Let me tell you something. Hey Joe, anytime you shoot a squirrel,

58:44Joe Johnson:you got to set an example. What you set an example for? You want to eat the squirrel. For the rest of the squirrels, I'm not the one to play with.

58:55Joe Johnson:Don't come right here with that bull jab. Don't come right here.

58:58Shannon Sharpe:Hey, you kill an ant with a sledge. Yes. You ain't got to worry about no ants. But what you're trying to do, because you're going to eat the squirrel, Ocho, if you shoot him with a shotgun, you gonna mess you gonna mess that way ain't gonna be nothing there oh you want to eat

59:11Joe Johnson:yeah yeah what the hell is going on oh no no no no i'm shooting the squirrel to set an example for the rest of the squirrels not to come here messing with the mangoes in the tree i don't

59:22Shannon Sharpe:care the squirrels come out first of all oh so we going out we ain't shooting no city squirrels i don't care nothing about that first of all you go in the jail you just saw him a firearm in the city we're not eating the squirrels yeah we're not eating the squirrels in the city you

59:34Joe Johnson:eat the squirrels in the country that's what i'm saying that's what you can't hunt in the city no but i'm saying i i mean i can adapt huh that's what that's what life is about it's about adapting so i can adapt to what you like to do if i got to be in the woods i know how to act have you ever shot a shotgun before a 12 gauge 410 20 gauge have you ever shot a high-powered rifle

59:58Shannon Sharpe:30-06 30 30 30 30.

1:00:00Joe Johnson:let me tell you before before football uncle i was in the field you hear me Hey, Joe, I don't know. Man, Joe, I would like that, Joe. On Sweet Jesus, I would like that. I'm telling you. You would like. I ain't playing. You would like the YNs out here.

1:00:14Shannon Sharpe:Man, listen, Joe, I'm not proud of that lifestyle I used to live back in 87. But see, first of all, the YNs, that's, I mean, shooting somebody at points. It's not like they shooting somebody from a distance. You not finna walk. You're not going to shoot an animal as close as somebody shooting a human being. You do realize it's like three feet, y 'all like 10 feet less than 25 yards from each other. You shooting an animal from distance, Ocho. You do know I was in the Marines, right?

1:00:42Joe Johnson:You do know I was in the Marines, right? You do know I was a sniper, right? Yeah, you a sniper, huh? Yeah.

1:00:50Shannon Sharpe:Oh, Lord have mercy.

1:00:53Joe Johnson:Hey, I hear the talking from 420 feet, Joe. Yo, 420 feet at the bottle top, the bottle top off a Coke bottle. Yo, ain't like that.

1:01:03Shannon Sharpe:No, that man ain't shooting nothing over no 100 yards. That's facts. Hey, Joe, 420 feet. He might not hit a person from 100 yards away, let alone a damn bottle top.

1:01:18Joe Johnson:Yo, I'll laugh for you before I lie to you, Joe. I knocked a bottle top off a Coke bottle from 420 feet, and I only got one out.

1:01:26Shannon Sharpe:Do you know how hard it is to hit an object from that far away, that small? Let me ask you a question. Take your glasses off. Take your glasses off. Let me see how you shoot. Take your glasses off. Holy, put the gun up. Put the gun. Okay, you got the gun. How you shooting? Yeah. Yeah. You ready? Oh, hell, this man got a slingshot. This man got a slingshot, Joe. Hey, Joe. Hey, Joe. This man got a slingshot. Second of all, you shoot from that distance, you got both eyes open, Ocho. You not shoot from no one eye. I thought this man got a slingshot, Joe. This man be thinking he must be shooting Goliath.

1:02:08Shannon Sharpe:And he David. Hey, Joe. Hey, hey, I ain't gonna lie. I ain't gonna lie. OK, Ocho, boy, that'll be some must-see TV, boy. I'm telling you. Hey, hey, hey, I'm not gonna lie, because Ocho, I don't think you can hit Nathaniel out there. I don't think he can.

1:02:22Joe Johnson:Hey, hey, hey, listen, that's that's what I like people. That's what I like people to think. I can't hit that. I can't hit this. But then they get hit. It's like, oh, he really like that.

1:02:32Shannon Sharpe:Oh, Joe, you if you were to like try to shoot somebody, because you got to understand the distance in which you are. But I'm talking about an animal. I'm talking about a deer. I'm talking about a hog. I'm talking about a squirrel up in a tree. I'm talking about a quail because here's the thing. Let's just say we take dogs out. So the dog's going to start going to start creeping up. Now they're going to put, they're going to freeze. And now they're... Yeah. Yeah, hey, Unc, I used to have pointers. I used to have pointers. I live in the city. Chad, y 'all believe Ocho can shoot. I mean, look at that.

1:03:08Shannon Sharpe:Look at that Ocho, the way he aiming and shooting that slingshot. He's not about to hit nothing.

1:03:14Joe Johnson:All right. I'm telling you. Hey, Unc, I'm going to surprise you right there.

1:03:19Shannon Sharpe:Duh.

1:03:24Shannon Sharpe:Oh, Joe. Oh, Joe. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Step right up. What happened? A study reveals that the average size penis in the U.S. state. Hey, hey, hey. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Men from Alabama. You know your boy. Born Alabama. That Alabama blacksmith. I'm just saying, Ocho. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Yeah, length 7.44 inches, while West Virginia comes in second at 7 inches. The other end of the scale, Delaware. Whoo! See, the average inches is about 5.22. This is closely followed by New Mexico with the bottom five, Arkansas. Damn. God, is that Joe? Oh, Joe, Joe, I was saying I hope you're from Alabama.

1:04:15Shannon Sharpe:I told you this I did Joe. Oh Joe remember I told him Yeah, what they trying what they trying to say I sure hope you I sure hope you from You know, you just you move you was born in Alabama, but you moved to Arkansas at a young age Man when they who doing these studies

1:04:35Joe Johnson:Hey, hey, hey, hey, uh, uh, and Joe, you know, I don't I don't I don't know anything about any studies You know my my my reputation in general it precedes itself so I just they're saying I don't know about that one

1:04:55Shannon Sharpe:Florida is in the top six at 6.85

1:05:00Joe Johnson:yeah I mean

1:05:02Shannon Sharpe:but old Alabama you know that Alabama black snake

1:05:07Joe Johnson:yeah you know sometimes some one thing they say about study sometimes they be off a little bit

1:05:16Shannon Sharpe:Well, hey, hey, you know, that old Alabama black snake come out, you know what I'm saying, Joe? Oh, I'm just saying, that's it, that's it, that's it, you know what I'm saying? Hey. Hey, hey, hey, um.

1:05:30Joe Johnson:When the baby arm come out. Hey, hold on, um. Hey, how you came out again in high school? Hey, how you wrap the cord around again? Hey, that shit was so funny, boy. Oh, but that had me dying. Oh, that had me dying.

1:05:53Shannon Sharpe:Hey, hey, Joe. Man, it's a, with the old Ocho cable to the cowboy song, boy said, it's time to wrap it up.

1:06:04Shannon Sharpe:Daniel the God! Oh, boy, hey. Hey, that's a wild story there, old Joe. That's a wild story.

1:06:16Joe Johnson:Hey, listen. I think, hey, listen, it's funny. I can reflect back and I can laugh about it today. You know, I wasn't mad, Joe. I was just disappointed. Because they told, you know, when people tell you something, they tell you for a reason, especially when you're that young. You know, you think, you know, I'm thinking that I'm that boy. I'm on the football team. I'm one of the star players. Ain't nobody going to do nothing to me, boy. I'm him. I'm feeling like that. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

1:06:38Shannon Sharpe:but you said her head was mashed up against the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had it in the back seat. He had it in the back seat, Joe.

1:06:46Joe Johnson:Yeah, the ponytail, it kept hitting the rear view mirror. You know, dude had a little small little car. Little small little car, like a little Datsun. Like a little Datsun, a little cheap little Datsun. Yeah, yeah, Joe. It ain't any, at that day, I wasn't scarred. I was disappointed, but I became a different individual.

1:07:04Shannon Sharpe:You was scarred, bro. It's okay. It's okay. It's OK, because see, I know it turns you into a savage. Unwind all that.

1:07:12Joe Johnson:Come on. Come on, Unk. Come on now.

1:07:15Shannon Sharpe:That's the chat. Hey, chat. I ain't got nothing to do with the whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.

1:07:22Shannon Sharpe:Oh, Lord, that burst. Hey, y 'all, shout out. Bet he got hot in here all the fuck. Ocho, let me take this last little wig for you, Ocho. Every time Ocho tell this story, he started talking about it. Unlock.

1:07:32Joe Johnson:It's all good. You know, Unk throwing a little exaggeration racing on that you know it's all cool

1:07:44Joe Johnson:hey that's that was a good one

1:07:46Shannon Sharpe:lord have a oh i wonder what i would we gotta find what's his name we're gonna find him and have more

1:07:55Joe Johnson:we have come on nightcap hey isn't they uh pierre pierre pierre singe john yeah pierre i wonder i wonder where pierre at man pierre sing john

1:08:10if anybody can find him it's in the neck here oh yeah yeah they could they could oh goddamn pierre man but joe joe is originally from alabama he just you know

1:08:25Shannon Sharpe:yeah he's he's not he's been his formative years i'm now i'm i'm playing where i'm from them That ain't right, though. You know, who's doing all this? Come on now. Oh, man.

1:08:43Shannon Sharpe:Wyoming.

1:08:47Shannon Sharpe:We got the what you call them. They got the what you call them, the stats.

1:08:57Shannon Sharpe:Hey, you know, y 'all know where I'm originally from. Where you really, really from? You know, I spent a little time in Alabama. Yeah. I was born in Illinois. Oh, you was born in Illinois.

1:09:19Wow.

1:09:28Shannon Sharpe:What a time. Hey, brother from Delaware, I can help you out. Get on those sparks. I mean, whatever you got, you'll reach your full potential. Isn't that what it's about? Yeah. Now, I ain't going to say it's going to be like Pierre.

1:09:52I ain't going to say it's going to be that, but I'm just saying.

1:09:58Shannon Sharpe:Hey, man. we can help. If prescribed new sexual health patients get$15 off their first order of RoeSparks on a reoccurring plan, connect with the provider at ro.co slash nightcap to find if the prescription RoeSparks are right for you. There it is right there on your thing. You see it right there. Delaware, we can help. That's all I'm saying. We can help you. Ocho, them things work, Ocho? Oh, yeah.

1:10:27Joe Johnson:Oh, absolutely. Hey, listen, Joe, I popped one on the show. I popped one on the show. You hear me? I popped one on the show, the other, I think, was two weeks ago. You know? Before we started. Now, you know we go about two hours. I wanted to make sure that thing mered in. I wanted to make sure. It's in there. Hey, make sure it get to the bloodstream, Joe.

1:10:46Shannon Sharpe:You hear me? I might have popped one before the show. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But I'm telling you, boy, look here. I get on that spot, in there like swimwear.

1:10:56Joe Johnson:Hey Joe, I let that thing marinate the whole show Joe. You hear me? Sis was up there. She, you know, she waiting. She ain't had no idea. She was asleep. Joe, I tell you no lie. I lie for you before I lie to you, Joe.

1:11:11Shannon Sharpe:Right. Boy, it's a good thing she had insurance.

1:11:14Joe Johnson:You hear me?

1:11:15Shannon Sharpe:You coulda.

1:11:16Joe Johnson:You coulda. Yeah, I bet. Come on, Ocho, man. And she hit every... Hey, Unk, boy, she hit, she touched every corner. Ocho! No. In every coin and high.

1:11:27Shannon Sharpe:Man, you ain't supposed to do mama like that.

1:11:30Joe Johnson:Oh no, oh no. Sometimes, sometimes you gotta... Yeah, give a good understanding because I'm kind of on the old side now. I'm kind of on the old side. So I can't get them kind of performances all the time. Once every six months, I had you thinking with a lower hand.

1:11:55I took one back in, this is a different type of enhancement,

1:12:03Shannon Sharpe:enhancer, but it was like, it had to be 2003, 2004. I'm still good, Joe. I'm still good. You know, I'm gonna show up what, what over here. I already know. I'm still good. I'm still good. chillin' up walk up in that thing on show you know what i'm saying yeah i put it on her i put it on the good job would i say i put it on her yeah i put it on her now yeah what i'm gonna see you guys i'm gonna come back but you know i went back the second time joe i ain't had that in my system it wasn't the same kind of theatrical performance that i had before you know what i'm saying I understand. You know what I'm saying?

1:12:48Shannon Sharpe:And the first one, it was probably like a Denzel or a Tom Hanks or a Daniel Day-Lewis performance. It was one of those performances. This last one probably was like a Tom Green or David Spade type of performance. It was one of those. You know what I'm saying? So I called him. I called him. I said, hey, you know. I said, you know, what's up? I said, can I come back? When can I see you again? She said, when you free? I said, well, you know, I'll work around your schedule. She said, what about Friday? I said, okay, I'll see you Friday. Joe, I swear right hand to God. She said, bring that dick you had the first time.

1:13:31That's okay.

1:13:34Shannon Sharpe:Swear to God, Joe. I swear to God.

1:13:40I swear to God.

1:13:43Shannon Sharpe:Hey, hey, see? Let me tell you something. See, that's what you get when you lay your best pipe down in the rent house. You know, you're playing on buying it. You're just playing on renting it for a little while. You know what I'm about? But you got to make that first impression because then you never know if that's going to be the first or the last. It might be it. You want to show out that first one round. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yeah. All right. Yes, sir. All right. Hey. Hey, boy. Boy. So.

1:14:16Joe, I got you.

1:14:18Shannon Sharpe:I got you Joe. So you just make sure you open the trophy. Right. I promise you in two weeks, you'll see another trophy sitting on the mantle. See that. Okay. Another one.

1:14:51Hey Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. The dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form. We're launching Podlandia AO Rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life, guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Kreisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more. Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised not just words, but a song.

1:15:27Well, I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia, AAO Rewatch on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up, y 'all? It's your girl, Sam J. And we're the hosts of Everyone Watches Women's Sports, a new podcast from Together and iHeart Women's Sports. We're breaking down the biggest headlines. Naomi Osaka showing out. Shout-outs to you, Naomi. The viral moments. I've been obsessed with Kershawn Rock's boxing journey. She looks good. Her combos are swift.

1:15:59And the stories everyone's talking about across women's sports. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to Everyone Watches Women's Sports on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Every week, the news gets worse, the world gets crazier, and Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible you're the problem. Do you know I just found out who Sidney Sweeney was? If he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men. Do better or do less so I don't have to do so much. I'm Yamanika, and I'm out. Listen to You're the Problem with Yamanika on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

1:16:40My first guest is Karis Hilton Shakira Luke and Yerin We have surprises Many surprises Welcome to the Sweet 305 podcast Where the group chat comes to life What the hell You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst It's lemonade This is Sweet 305 Here, oversharing is encouraged Listen to Sweet 305 with Lele Pons On the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

1:17:35Kurt Cobain is dead. Listen to Disgraceland on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.