Piper Rockelle on the Netflix Documentary that Almost Ruined Her, Onlyfans, Child Stardom & More

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0:29Every plan,$15 a month, even unlimited. That's it. Happy ending. Zero tears. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of$45 for three months,$90 for six months, or$180 for 12-month plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only. Greater than 50 gigabytes. May slow when network is busy. See terms. No Jumper, coolest podcast in the world. And today, I am sitting down with Piper Raquel. How are you doing? I'm doing so good. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you for having me. Were you a little bit nervous about this one? I'm freaking out right now.

0:56Why? You've done a lot of interviews. Yes. but like I've seen you a lot on like doing a lot of interviews um right so I just I feel like this is like so legit and like I just don't do a lot of legit podcasts really so yeah I get a little nervous this is like your Joe Rogan debut I guess I hope so but um yeah yeah I'm I'm a little uh nervous too just because I don't want to like cross any lines because you are you're 18 still right yeah I'm 18 almost 19 but I am like you know I've literally heard everything in the book Like, I've not, I don't get uncomfortable with like questions or anything like that.

1:29Okay. Yeah. I mean, you've been in the public eye a lot longer than like almost anybody your age. Yeah. I don't know how I've managed to continue to keep doing it. Honestly, it's wild, but I must love it so much because I continue to keep doing it. Okay. So, um, going back to your childhood and like kind of when you started on, like in your mind, what, what age were you when you started on YouTube? I was like seven. Seven. But maybe on YouTube, I was like more like eight, but I started doing musically when when I was seven and then YouTube when I was like eight, nine maybe. But I just loved doing it.

1:59I would always like force people to film me like jumping on my trampoline or like opening up toys. I just always enjoyed doing it. And I know that a lot of people do. I always see like TikToks of people being like me pretending to do a YouTube video. So I was so honored that like I actually got to live that out and be a YouTuber, you know? Right. Because I hear that from so many people now that when they were a little kid, that's what they wanted to be. And I feel like you were the first version of that in a lot of ways. Thank you so much. It's crazy. because I feel like every time I would talk to a kid, they would be like, oh, I just want to be a YouTuber.

2:28I was like, you know, where's all the doctors going to be at? I get scared that we're not going to have enough doctors. I'm not a good person coming from me because you know what I do. So, I mean, but maybe I can become a doctor one day. But, okay, that decision to be on YouTube when you were seven or whatever, I'm thinking about the seven-year-olds that I know. I only know a couple of seven-year-olds because my daughter is five and a half. And she's got, like, you know, a couple of friends with, like, big sisters or whatever who are, like, seven. and it is like very hard for me to imagine them being youtubers but did you just feel like super comfortable with it from a young age i mean yeah i wasn't doing anything too like technical you know what i mean i was doing very much like just you know cute things all the time just making slime like i would just kind of record everything and and when it was like first like it wasn't a big production or anything like that it was really just like hold this camera up i'm gonna talk and then it started to get more like an actual big business and it was so so so much fun it was I had like one of the best childhoods like I feel but how how were you like you know when you're that young money is kind of a weird concept or like success is weird right I had no clue about money until I like lost it all like I mean I you know always I grew up you know pretty comfortable I mean I wasn't like balling or anything like that but I lived with my grandparents we have this beautiful house that my grandpa built and you know I just was I didn't really know too much we were always pretty comfortable um but you know I started making money and I just didn't know really and but I always knew that it was like protected and stuff like that because I was always reminded that I had like a Cougan account that I will be able to get like the money that they're putting away um when I'm 18 and you know I'm 18 so I got that money but yeah I didn't know about all the money until like I kind of lost it all and then I understood how important it was and also how it's like not so important because some of my best memories were when I had like no money at all so definitely um but so like when you start kind of blowing up on YouTube like how aware of that were you because you're so young and like the the money thing's got to be strange because you're not really like you're so young you don't really know how to go spend money right oh for sure i mean i definitely didn't spend money i just i really don't know i was kind of like i never really i never really i just was like okay this is we're doing this you know what i mean i i never really were like was like oh my god like i made it on youtube or anything like that i just continued to do it and you know we were just just just always like raising it up in the next level right i don't know i really don't understand i don't understand like part of that of my life is also kind of a blur like i just like it's all like the best moments just like combined together right yeah because i mean i basically like blew up on youtube i guess you could say when i was like 32 which is you know even even at 32 it was very difficult to just like wrap your head around how much your life was changing and the fact that now when you go places people are looking at you and you got to like understand how to talk to random people that want to come up to you and everything like that then when i think about someone doing that when they're eight it's just like i don't know it's it's just hard to even wrap your head around what that might have been i mean honestly like this not to come this is i don't want this to come out in like a weird way but like i don't remember like when i wasn't like getting recognized by supporters you know what i mean like i i feel like i was you know just going to the store and like you know my supporters would come up and i still have like very young supporters because i think that people still like watch my youtube videos and i think that's really cool but again i'm also like you know i don't do it in your so right i'm not trying to have the little kids anymore because i can't give them like a because my whole purpose was to like make people happy and give them like a place to go that they can like stop thinking about their life and just watch my youtube video because i used to be obsessed with like david dobrik and um emma chamberlain all of those like all of those like people i used to be obsessed i would watch the videos all the time because it just like took me out of my head for a second yeah and i was an only child so i didn't i was kind of like i would just make up my own things to do all day and i was just like always watching youtube so that's what i wanted to be yeah because like when i think about my first memories i mean i feel like most people don't really remember stuff until they're like five six seven type shit so like you becoming like famous on youtube at that age is pretty crazy you know it was really cool it was great um wait so you live with your grandparents but then what where was your mom at in that so my mom lived with my grandparents as well so like her parents and then she lived there of course she like moved around but when i was born we all just lived there until i was like i think i moved to la when i was like 10 right so it was a great house wait but so before you were doing youtube you're doing pageants yes right i was i always loved to like dance and sing and all that stuff like it was just always my favorite thing and pageants was always like something i wanted to do so i just did it and I succeeded I never won a full pageant I'm still kind of wanting to do that one day you know what I mean like really yeah because I always got so close it was like I was always like the second like you know runner up and I was just like I just want to be the first but that is a lot about like you have to have like a lot of like status and like it's a lot about like the judges and you know what I mean if you if you have a good connection with them then they usually make your kid do better it was it's also it's crazy because like every single thing you do is like a toxic environment you know what i mean like dance was toxic because of the people and pageants was terrible i remember this one time it was great but i had this beautiful dress made it was like pink and it was beautiful it looked like a princess dress and five minutes before i went on stage someone cut it one of the parents cut it up and i was like oh my god like what am i gonna do like we were freaking out and then some of our friends like sewed it up together really quickly and i got on stage but it's just like so many people want to see other people like just they want to see their downfall and I just don't understand that right I've never wished that on anyone truthfully wait okay so when the pageant thing in general like when I was watching uh the documentary or whatever that I'm sure we're going to get into in a second like I feel like people just view the pageant thing as kind of like weird and evil that wasn't your experience with it oh absolutely not I was literally I tell this story all the time I was sitting in my room and my mom was like taking care of our cats and I was watching tallers and tiaras it was a show like on tlc i was obsessed with it right and i just looked at my mom i said i want to do this and she said okay and i just started i mean of course like i didn't immediately go to glitz pageants i did like the smaller pageants and then i like worked my way up everything i've ever like wanted i've somehow gotten because of just like just asking all the time and also because my mom was pretty supportive of me and she was like yeah i want to you know my dad loved to be on stage he wanted to be like a rock star or whatever so she just knew that i always kind of had that in me to want to do that she'd never wanted to i feel like a lot of people like have a hard time getting past the idea of like putting makeup on a four-year-old oh for sure i mean sometimes i look at it i'm like wow like that is crazy that that is a four-year-old with like makeup and hair but i know that they're probably having a good time you know what i mean because i feel like i don't know it's it's just it was really fun yeah because like my daughter's five and a half and she wants to put on makeup very very badly like all the time she'll she this morning she was taking chalk in the yard and like taking like the chalk and grinding it on the on the driveway and then putting on her face and being like dad look it's makeup she's like this is real makeup dad like you know she wants to like beautify herself so much and we like fight against it and we're kind of like no like you know you're not allowed to do that or whatever but then then once in a while she'll like go to another kid's birthday party and they have like a makeup artist who's kind of doing like little kid eyeshadow or whatever and it's definitely a part of me that just feels like no I need to keep you a kid as long as possible but then when I see the pageant thing I'm kind of like oh that's like it's very much like a real desire of these young girls I guess it's just like you know to the outside world they view it as being sort of and it's not like the girls like that are that are performing or like competing against each other you know what I mean I know it is a beauty pageant like whoever's the most beautiful but like not necessarily like we don't really know that that's like we don't really know that that's the the point you know what I mean we were just having fun and just literally wearing sparkly dresses and just like getting all cute it was just it was fun I know a lot of people have a different opinions but you can do anything and people are gonna have opinions definitely um but yeah I mean that's so you feel like the little kids like don't view themselves as competing with each other I don't ever remember me being like oh I'm gonna beat that girl or I'm so much prettier than that girl I just never really thought like that I mean maybe other people did but I had great friends during that time so I feel like we were all just like really really great friends i don't know right definitely so okay then you start doing the youtube side of things and like at a certain point does do your does your mom try to tell you like hey things are different now like or is she keeping you in the loop about like yo like last week we were getting 50 000 views and then fast forward a few weeks or months and now we're getting a million views like is she trying to explain that to you or is she letting you just do your thing i think because like and a lot of people kind of miss like understand that you know it wasn't just my mom and me you know i had a whole entire team i had a manager i had a filmer i had accountants i had a i had a bunch of people so it wasn't just like you know it wasn't like an un like it was very like we knew what we were doing you know it was it was very structured but again i think she also would stress about it and she would have the stresses of like, you know, YouTube videos not doing good, not just her, like, you know, the filmer, the editor, because we're really close.

11:51Like I've, my filmer and editor is like my family because we've known him for so many years. So like, I think they wanted to keep that like stress of like the views going down and up and, you know, cause sometimes it's inevitable for the views to go down and then it comes back up. So I think they wanted to keep that stress away from me because now I suffer from it. Like now that I'm like in full, not that I was never in control, but like now that I'm in full control and like I'm an adult and I understand and I just do everything on my own now I get stressed about views and like not doing well so I'm really glad that they kind of held that part away from me for as long as they could because now I stress out about it all the time but I think it's just something I'm gonna have to deal with until I don't do this anymore yeah no definitely so when you're 10 then you guys make the move to LA yeah in LA in the first it was a one-bedroom apartment it was a two-bedroom apartment then we rented so you guys weren't rich when you first moved to LA oh no for sure not um and then we finally bought our house in 2020 um and now i've had it since then um but i just it's kind of just like converted into like a cat rescue like it's like very heavily like people come in like once a day and adopt a cat it's really cute it's amazing i have a cat rescue wow yeah i mean i i never like like to tell it you know people would be freaked out if they heard the real number maybe but just like you know but i let people in my house i literally have a sign that says cat adoption and people I mean of course we have it is a little scary because before it was my house it was Bella Thorne's house so people already knew it was somebody's house and then it somehow like during a lot of stuff that was going on people would like put out my address and like tell people to like call on us and stuff like that so my address is like very known and people can literally like search up in ways like Piper Rock Hill's house and it brings you there it's crazy um but yeah no like it's we have a good little you're just obsessed with cats yeah i love i love having something to do i think that it's helped me so much something that's very human and like natural and it's dirty but it's also great and like you know we see these cats they have a beautiful home now and we raise them it's just it's cute and it's like definitely what's helped me like you know get out of bed each other each and every day you know what i mean because you got to take care them yeah i love cats so much i can't have a cat right now because my niece is allergic to them to the point where like we can't even have a cat in our house even the dogs we have to put the dogs outside whenever my niece comes here and stuff and from my perspective it's kind of like listen i love my niece but i want a cat like why can i not have a cat and i just have to accept that at this point in my life i don't get to have a cat because i had a cat uh until i guess like four years ago that like everybody who watches the channel was obsessed with the cat too and i just loved his presence in my life and now i just have to be a dog guy and it feels like something is missing like i want a cat so badly i love cats so much i love all animals that's like my i'm actually finding property right now so i can have a whole like all my family together all my animals together because now i'm renting a house that's like a few minutes away from my house um just so i can like make content and stuff like that okay but yeah no i really want to move my grandma out here because she's still in Georgia where we used to live and I just want to try to have like you know I think that I all the years that I've been working and everything I just want to I want it to all be worth something and I want all of us to spend time together and I don't want to miss any moments with my grandma you know what I mean because my grandpa like they you know when I was heavily like working all the time so I feel like I didn't get to spend enough time with him before he passed away and sometimes I hold guilt for that and I'm like I should have taken the time and stopped you know doing videos with everyone but the thing is is like I wasn't just me you know I was doing videos for everybody I had a I had a group of like 10 people and we would film a YouTube video for each and every one of them every single week so you know I I'm not blaming it on anyone besides myself but it was really hard to spend time with you know go all the way home to Georgia and all that stuff so yeah I'm trying to move my grandma out here yeah that's the moral of the story no for sure I mean it's good that you know that at such a young age but for for sure for me like that just stands out so much like you just have to like spend as much time with your family as you can and but it's so hard to balance that when like your livelihood is basically based around working around the clock it's just like a tunnel vision you know you just see something and you keep doing it and you just you accidentally just forget about like you know how important it is to be with your family because you can literally lose them in every any day yeah it's crazy no 100 so okay like you guys move out to la and then at what point does it start to make sense like what's your perspective on how this came together in terms of you like creating this big like community on camera with all these other young talents and everything like was that something that your mom sort of spearheaded or was it something that just kind of naturally happened when i realized was when we started like collabing and doing youtube videos with like other popular creators like i remember we used to do youtube videos with like Rebecca Zemela or like or like the royalty family and stuff like that that's when I was like oh my gosh like I'm so like they want to work with me like that's so cool um I got to work with Jordan Matter a few times but like that was like almost that is like like he's like way bigger than he was when I was working with him but yeah no I think that that's when I like really understood and I still to this day don't really understand and I don't really think of myself any differently than anyone else because it's not i'm like a little tiny speck in this world right yeah i mean but at that time it's like very easy to see yourself as like the whole world right yeah but i never really got that that little like i never got though my god i'm the main person like i mean people have said that about me before but i've literally never given off that vibe ever i just don't really like to talk to people if there's like i just feel like a lot of people have fake conversations and i just spare the time and i spare their energy i spare my energy and And just if you just have nothing nice to say, I don't really want to talk anymore.

17:43You know? Right. Yeah. That's a weird part about becoming famous or whatever is you're kind of expected to have like super surface level, vapid conversations with everybody that you see over and over and over. And if you're tired of that or annoyed by that or just don't feel like doing it, that automatically gets interpreted as like, she's a bitch. Absolutely. I've I'm just I just like to be by myself. That's all. I just like I feel like I also mess up in a lot of conversations. I'm like, oh, I should have said this or this or this. So I just hold myself back and I'm like, let me just take a step back.

18:13But again, it's taken years of me to like understand that because I used to, you know, growing up on the internet, I didn't know who I was. I was always like trying to be something I wasn't, trying to mimic my friends at the time. And I just didn't know who I was at all. But we're growing up each and every day. Definitely. Okay. So like, I mean, like most of my knowledge of your childhood or your like early career comes from this Netflix documentary, which I'm guessing you do not have like very fond opinions of. So I guess we might as well just like enter into that. Like that came out a few years ago.

18:45And when I was watching it, like, I feel like I haven't been in the media space for so long. Like immediately my brain was going towards like certain parts of this feel really exaggerated. And I was guessing that you probably wouldn't agree with a lot of the framing. I was 17 when it came out. So I felt like it was wrong in some sort of way. Like there was just no consent over to me. And, you know, I have people come up to me on the week, you know, just saying, I loved your documentary. I'm like, I had literally nothing to do about it. Like I had no nothing to do about it at all. I was literally going to do anything so I could just protect like somebody's peace.

19:26Like that whole entire thing just like really, really disturbed my peace. and I know it's not all about me but like it's like that couldn't have been easy for those people to do either you know what I mean that probably disturbed their peace that there's no way that that made it more peaceful for everybody uh but again I think that that just truly made me a stronger person um thinking back to last year when that was all going on it was like the lowest ever really so bad so when it dropped that kind of just it was for me like I did not like believe if I was going to make it like at all like I was like this is my time like I'm going to prove a point and I need to like I literally like I was like this is this is the worst thing that ever happened to me I didn't know that there was anything worse than like losing my grandpa and I was like this is this is this is it you know what I mean like my whole family is like dying around me because they're just drained you know I'm drained everyone around me is just drained and I just I just wanted people to just take a step back that's all I wanted you know what I mean and there's so much the people like the people don't understand you know before the documentary I had years of just lawyers and people trying to take my house and people trying to take my money and just it was just constant like being stuff being taken from me and I just felt like maybe in some way I deserved it I was like what is going on you know what I mean I still hold the guilt and I'm like I if I never got into this YouTube thing I would have spared a lot of people's feelings and stuff like that.

20:52But yeah, it's horrifying. I try my best to just get past it and I still cannot believe that if I could tell that person a year ago you're going to be okay, just keep going. Right. I mean, the irony of it is that the documentary is basically kind of vilifying you and your mom for being willing to make all this content about very, very young people. And then meanwhile, this documentary is basically also creating content out of very very young people to tell this story that you didn't really get a say in well I mean all I have to say is like I'm super happy that they got a time to speak but I just don't know how that helped anything you know what I mean I just don't I'm still here I'm still working I just don't know how it helped anything right I I'm all about helping and and I I just I cannot see that helping their mental health I just I could not see having to go on camera and talk about everything how i don't know how that could have helped at all but so i mean you knew what was happening i'm assuming i knew that a trailer was going to come out and i remember the day like my mom walked up to me she showed me and i just fell on the floor and i was like i was just like so broken um i'm sorry no don't worry but yeah no it's horrible but it's okay do you feel like a lot like you know there's like certain things that were said like okay the idea that you know your mom kissed one of the boys in the group like that that i think probably stood out to a lot of people do you feel like that's being misrepresented uh well i mean that was way before and again there was a lot to do like there was a lot of whole entire that situation was so long ago i was present but i don't like really remember it at all but yeah that had nothing to do the thing is is like all of those the people knew about that and you know they just used it you know when people like you know you know they get your your vulnerable side out and you start telling them stuff and then they use it against you in the future um but again i'm i you know i'm not gonna further speak on it because i didn't watch the documentary you know i have no truthfully i have no clue what you're talking about but i just know that a lot of people know that i just i knew it was terrible right so um or even like one of the other things that kind of i think stood out to people was that the whole like crush thing like the the idea that you're like faking having crushes on people and stuff like that like looking back on that does that stand out to you as a bad memory or did that just seem like kind of harmless um the bad memory of it was that it wasn't the kids um you know i of course i i had people you know i had boys that i liked at that time and the thing is is like the moms would be like hey i'm gonna this is a hard i'm gonna tell you something like my son likes you and i'd be like oh okay and then like there was this one day where this mom was like you know my son likes you and he's gonna give you a necklace tonight and like tell you that he likes you and um she told that to another mom and then i got told that and i was like so nervous all day i was like oh my god like i don't want this kid to come up to me and tell me that he likes me he never did the mom came up to me and gave me the necklace you know what i mean i was like that was very strange and fishy and it just it made me feel strange i think at that time you know i had a i had a crush and i did content with him but i was with him for four years you know what i mean like it wasn't just like a random kid you know what i mean okay um i've never faked a relationship and i it is a proven fact that couples things and relationships do better on the internet like it is a fact but you can either use that to your advantage or you know not you know what i mean i think that that's the only thing is like do you want to perform well or do you not want to perform well not you perform well in your own comfort ability but i i was never uncomfortable like in the rap world like i've heard that advice given to rappers at various times where maybe their career is not going so good and people will tell them like the people need to see you in a relationship like they need to see you with a girl in order for them to like view you as more of a real person and so it makes sense that youtubers well i also just think about it like if you think of like britney spears and you and i always see these like compilations of every one she's like been with and like they're probably not even true but like right it's so many people and i feel like a lot of people come up like a lot i get a lot of comments that like i've been with so many people and stuff like that and i just it's just like i don't really care you know they just assume that everybody you ever took a picture with is somebody yeah and sometimes i just do it on purpose i'm like it's kind of funny for them to think that i'm like with someone that i'm totally not with so yeah i just kind of do do okay so you're saying that like the the crush content was that you didn't ever fake no i mean I mean, I never faked it with somebody.

25:29Oh, wow. OK. That's interesting because that was one thing that like they really painted that picture as if this was like a constant thing. They saw that my crush was performing well. So, of course, they were like, you know, my kid likes this kid. Let's make them a couple. And those kids also liked each other, too. Like, it's not like they didn't like each other. I don't understand. I don't understand it. I really don't. I all I know is that I had a good childhood and that I had a lot of memories and really great times with all of these people. And I just truthfully wish them the best. but I you know I can say that until the cows come home you know I don't care like that much I've moved past it and I'm so happy that I went through all of that definitely um okay I feel like there's like a couple other like little things I just want to ask about from the documentary before we get to like your current era and everything but do you feel like there was anything inappropriate that took place with this uh brand army site that is kind of at least in the documentary is presented as being sort of like a pre only fans only fans where it's kind of like pictures that are not 100 nude or whatever but are somewhat risque were being sold to fans do you have a bad memory of being on that platform or do you think that anything inappropriate took place in that um absolutely not um so i don't think i started brand army until i was like 13 and you can do fanfics and passes by the time you're 13 or 16.

26:51Don't correct me if I'm wrong. So I don't think there was really anything wrong with it at all. It's literally just like something that everybody else has. It's weird that you could be doing fanfics or passes and people just kind of just look past it. You know what I mean? But you have to still think about it as it's a place where you buy people's pictures. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? People don't look at it and it's like work safe. yeah no I mean I don't really think it was weird I never had a bad uncomfortable feeling with it but again you have to understand that I got to monetize on YouTube my whole family was like they had no way of making money at all because it was such a huge thing and it was you know sometimes my mom can't even go to like you know she wants to help cats and some vets won't even and work with her and it's horrifying you know that destroys her so much um but um yeah so they don't have to understand i had no money at all so i was you know doing tiktoks and i wanted to have a good life i wanted to have what i worked for my whole life was to be comfortable and be happy and you know i had debts i had to pay lawyers i had to pay i had to sell a house to continue to be okay you know what i mean to fight lawsuits i mean i i know probably not to the extent that you have but I know what it's like to feel like you're kind of drowning.

28:10And I'm not saying that I did that in any pressure of like, I need to make money, but it was a great thing that I could do. I love taking pictures. I've taken pictures on Instagram for my whole entire life. Why not just make a little money off of it? I guess that's how I've always seen it. And even to this day now doing OnlyFans, like I genuinely just do not care at all. Like I know that it could be bad in the future, but at this present moment, I do not care. You know what I mean? Because who knows that if I'm going to make it to the future, I could, anybody could die. You being an adult and selling photos of yourself is one thing versus like the idea of like a 13-year-old taking sort of risque photos that were being sold.

28:45I mean. Yeah. I mean, again, I don't think I started that until I was like 15 or 16. But I'm saying that there's like there's apps where you can do that, but they're safe and people don't look past it at all. So, yeah. I don't know what else to say. I mean, that's all I got to say. Was there ever a time period where you were kind of upset with your mom about some of the situations that you ended up in? Or would you say that for the most part, you've always just been by her side and had her back and felt like she was being misrepresented? I just always tried to lift the family up as much as I possibly could.

29:17And believe it or not, I was a lot in like my mama let it affect her, but it affected me more, unfortunately. So I don't know how she stayed so strong and always making sure that I was taken care of. Like, I really don't know how. But, you know, I thank her every day and I don't put the blame on anybody. you know not even the people who got their side out like i don't put the blame on them again like i just i think that was just a horrible time that we need to just pass over you know what i mean it was it was a time horrible time for everybody so do you uh did you consider participating in the documentary or was it was a complete no obviously this would be twisted it was misrepresented 100 % not doing it like i'm not going to give you the end of the story and make it do so much better than it already did.

30:05I'm so happy it was successful. It did so well. And I was like, oh my God, that's so cool. Yeah, because in a weird way, it is like promotion for your current endeavors, right? It's horrifying that it really helped me get to a level that, you know, it helped a lot. But it also, it helped, but it drained me as a person a lot too. Yeah. No, definitely. Damn. So have you been to like therapy or anything to like deal with some of the emotions that I tried to like when I was going through it, but it just nobody like understood. You know what I mean? They were kind of like, you're going to get through it.

30:41It's going to be OK. And it was just kind of like, I'm not going to get through this. It's not going to be OK. Like this is not OK at all. Yeah. So there wasn't really much talking through it at all. But I just kind of was just like, I am the only one that's going to be able to get through it. Yeah. I don't rely on anybody. I don't even rely on any. I don't rely on literally nobody because nobody is going to do something for me no one's going to save you I've learned that no one's going to save you besides yourself just always don't rely on people to be there for you no matter how many times they say it just don't always be okay to be on your own I've been in a lot of similar positions where when you're playing life on an easy level there's a lot of resources for you out there in terms of books or articles or whatever.

31:30They're going to give you advice. But at a certain point, once you're in the public eye, some of the problems that you end up dealing with are like, I don't know who I could possibly turn to to give me advice on how to deal with this because it just feels like a very unique circumstance. They don't write books about what it's like to be an influencer being canceled or crushed publicly. And I guess that's something that I would love to do is to somehow try to make a documentary to help you know what I mean to help kids that are genuinely not doing okay you know I think I think the thing is is like a lot of people see this as like you know Disney stars or Nickelodeon stars they go crazy at some time and I just think that like this is such a different thing you know what I mean it was like just us so there's no really like breaking away and going crazy you know what I mean and another thing is is I feel like because I was in the internet for so long I had there was either like two ways that I could do I could keep being like a little kid and just like keep just like being a cutesy little kid never growing up yada yada who or i could just start and just do it even though it's like painful for everybody to see you're gonna have to get over it at some point you know what i mean yeah no i mean it's just crazy like to have to transition into adulthood in the public eye absolutely i mean it's horrible like it's horrible having to look at my phone and seeing like a phase of myself that i was like oh my god don't show me that but like sometimes it just pops up and I'm like oh my gosh like that's jump scare so when but when you got your your whole channel demonetized like how difficult of a time was that like was I because you build you build up all these things in your life you hire people you buy a house you do all these things assuming that that money is going to keep coming in and then when it just stops and it's not really it's not because of like a real legal situation or whatever it's basically just because of bad media attention right it was i guess the most hurtful thing and then i might even start tearing up so just be prepared but don't feel bad but when i started i was like you know i got my 100k plaque and i was so excited and then i hit a million and i got my million plaque and i was like oh my god i'm so excited and then i was like i cannot wait to get my 10 million plaque the diamond you know what i mean and i was just like always just like working for that every day and they couldn't even give it to me because i wasn't a person on youtube anymore and it just felt so like oh you know what i mean like yeah i could never even think about going back onto youtube because it just hurt so bad because it's not i know like this one thing stopped everything but i just that's like all i know it sounds so stupid but like that's all i wanted and i was just a kid you know that's all i wanted i was like oh my god like i was working for that every single day yeah wow i'm sorry yeah it's okay it's just this little stupid plaque no it's just like it's just like thinking about telling like little paper like yo like you're never gonna you should just stop now you know what i mean because it's not gonna take you anywhere it is crazy though because it's like probably the reason why you got to 10 million subscribers on your first channel was because you were willing to do so many things that sort of flirted with things that could possibly cause bad media attention like if you had just kept it more low-key and did more basic ass videos maybe you wouldn't hit 10 million but then maybe you also wouldn't have been the person who ended up in this crazy media uh storm you know i think that everything happens for a reason So I think everything is okay and everybody's happy and healthy and nobody, you know, everyone's still good.

34:50Definitely. Okay. So the decision to go towards OnlyFans, like, did you know about this, that you were going to do this before you turned 18? Because I'm going to be real with you. I didn't even know who you were until the day that your OnlyFans came out. And I'm telling my wife, I'm like, damn, you ever heard of this girl, Piper Raquel Ware? And she's like, my wife's like, yes, she was like huge on YouTube. Like her starting OnlyFans is insane. It's like the biggest news or whatever. Like, did you know you were going to do that in advance? Cause you did it on your 18th birthday, right? Yes. Well, I actually, I started making, okay.

35:22So again, because I've been with a lot of people, everyone was calling me a bop. Like when I was 17, 16, I was like, okay, like what the is a bop? I have no clue. And then I guess I kind of just understood that it was like a girl who gets with a lot of guys or shows herself off on the internet. And I was like, okay, cool. Understood. And do you feel like that was ever accurate or was that just because? I mean, no, I'm a very low key person. Like I'm not that at all. but I again I used it to my advantage um so I I just started messing with people and then I just started messing with people we've all exchanged glances with your boyfriend who's just sitting there I don't think he actually did anything really okay um but okay but that is a trick that like Sophie Rainey in this way as I could tell is not a bop like she's not a hoe by any means she's not really doing hoe shit but she uses the idea that she could be to like market the out of herself it's pretty common tactic at this point the huge thing is i was a huge fan of sophie right now i was like oh my goodness i was 17 i remember seeing her like the first time i saw her was because someone said i looked like her in a comment and i was like oh my god let me go see who this girl is i go to see her and i'm like oh my god she's so beautiful biggest compliment ever and then her marketing at that time was just so good and she just kept coming on my for you page and i was like oh my goodness this girl is so cool um and i was 17 at the time and i was getting called a bop a lot and they created the bop house and i was like this is the perfect this is the perfect little thing I could do.

36:42I literally told no one. I would just want in my room. I put on the same pajamas as they had. They had Skims pajamas on for like this, these TikToks they were doing. And I had them too. And I put them on and I made a TikTok saying like, this was my audition to be in the bop house. And it did really well. Like I literally told no one. My mom didn't help me post it. She didn't put me in the outfit. Like it was literally all me and it did really well. And then the bop house like reacted to that video. And I was like, oh my goodness, like this is just so amazing and then um I actually hung out with Sophie when I was 17 and we did TikToks together and stuff like that so it was always like you know I knew what she did and stuff like that and I would I never judged her I looked at her differently I looked up to her but not in the way of like oh my god I want to be an OnlyFans star like just looked up to her as just like a good person you know what I mean I just enjoyed her a lot she has this like thing around her that people just like love and I just thought it was just like really cool um and she helped me keep going throughout these hard times i was just like i don't know it's really weird but besides the point turned 17 and then i hung out with them once and again it was just a crazy day people were like oh my god you know the bop house actually like got super canceled for hanging out with a 17 year old which yeah super crazy whatever but we didn't do anything weird and then the documentary came out so they kind of like stopped talking to me for a while and that's totally valid like i totally understand and then they reached out again um like right around my 18th birthday and we started doing more content together and then for my actual 18th birthday we went on a cruise with all the bop girls and it was so much fun it was a great great time and i you i was so excited to be 18 like i the feeling of being 18 was just like so great i couldn't stop yelling and screaming it because you were trapped you were like trapped in this box of being like a kid for all these years i'm gonna be doing the same shit even worse now that i'm 18 so i was like oh like i just was so excited yeah um that's gotta be weird to like feel like a grown-up but then you're not legally growing up and the world is like committed to presenting you as a kid yeah yeah most people don't want to grow up and i'm like please like my mom was like we are so excited but i think most people do want to grow up like you know when you're 17 you just want to or you're 18 you want to be 21 so you can drink or whatever you know you're i mean i actually i actually have like a lot of like i always like find myself thinking about being young you know i mean i always enjoy that part of my life like i always you know life was so simple and easy yeah so and it's just gonna get harder and harder as it goes um the other day i saw an interview with a billionaire and they said would you give up all of your money to be 10 years younger and he said yes yeah and that really tells you a lot about how valuable being young is like if i could if like if i could be 22 again holy shit knowing what i know now but like you know when you're young when you're 22 you're like trying to be older you're trying to get ahead in life and like part of being ahead in life is like moving beyond where you're at now.

39:28I mean, you blink your eye and you're already like an adult. You know, I'm going to I'm always like, oh, like, you know, going to be 30 soon. I'm going to be 30 and then be like, oh, my God, I'm literally 30. That's crazy. I don't know. It's just aging is weird and strange. But right. But besides the point, I turned 18 and I waited a few months before I actually dropped my OnlyFans because I was really concerned about losing my younger audience because I had a lot of girls that were supporting me and I just really didn't want to disappoint them. but I just felt like I had such a bad reputation already and I saw something that I could really use to my advantage and I was like I'm just gonna ruin my like I'm just gonna do it again like I'm just gonna just do it you know what I mean so I waited you talk through this through with your mom and your team and everything I'm assuming yeah I mean it was it was like I was thinking every single day about it I it was like the only thing on my mind I was like oh my god what am I gonna do I don't want to disappoint people but I want to do this so bad and I can see my future in a few years but I don't want to disappoint people and I don't want to ruin people's the thing is, is I couldn't rely on people.

40:24I couldn't rely on people's opinions. And that's what I was doing. You know, I can only rely on myself and what I'm capable of because people's opinions aren't gonna make sure I'm fed and make sure I have a house. Unfortunately, I wish because I love hearing people's opinions and hearing their sides of stories. So I think we can learn something from everybody. But yeah, I just did it. I waited a few months to I didn't drop I mean, I do kind of regret not like just doing it right away. I know that sounds terrible. But because of like just the position I was in I was just like this I just wanted to wait I guess and I mean it still went amazing right and I'm still grateful for it every day and yeah well I mean the comparison of you and Sophie Rain I thought was interesting because like you're going through this media hellstorm when you're young and it feels like a nightmare like the worst thing that's ever happened to you but then you look at somebody like Sophie Rain or like the way that people promote and market they're only fans it's kind of like it's all about controversy it's all about creating as much media attention as possible and it doesn't really matter if that attention makes you look bad like sophie you know massively profits off the fact that everybody's calling her a whore i've watched two interviews with her i do not feel like she's promiscuous in any way if she is she's doing a great job hiding it but like she uses that and lets people misrepresent her because it allows her to be more profitable and now you're kind of able to like take control of that where when you do something crazy on social media you're doing it because you know it's going to make you more money whereas when you were 12 or 15 or whatever that was like these bad things are happening and they're totally out of your control and it feels like it's only producing negative results yeah i I mean, I love being in control and like I love making fake things that I know are going to make people angry And there's also I make mistakes too.

42:17I make mistakes and I upset people on accident I don't mean to at all like that's not my character at all But unfortunately because I'm I'm constantly producing stuff. I'm not perfect. I'm gonna say things that might upset some people and Again, you can say anything and it's gonna upset a person but that doesn't excuse anything. I've messed up on in the past, but But yeah, I love like making little problems that I'm in control of because then I know, you know, I know what's going on. I've been through it a lot. You know what I mean? I know how it goes, you know? For sure. So was the financial pressure that you were under part of your motivation to start OnlyFans?

42:54Was it because you realized that's going to realistically get you out of whatever hole you felt like you were in at that point? Yeah, I know. But like throughout that whole entire year, I was really just working hard. I was always just doing TikToks. I was doing any brand deal I possibly could do. and it sounds terrible, but people don't understand, like, as an influencer or whatever, you don't make that much money, and it's also hard for you to get a normal job or just a job in general because all jobs are important. And also, like, get a regular job when you have people suing you for, like, millions of dollars.

43:25That's what I'm trying to say. Like, the job's not going to move the needle much. It was really hard. It was really hard to understand, but by the end of the time, I was like, okay, like, I'm pretty comfortable. I'm okay. You know, I'm doing okay mentally, I guess. But I was just like ready to just do it, I guess. You know what I mean? I was just ready to. And I'm not going to lie. Like me as a person hasn't changed that much. I still am in the same house. I have the same car. I don't do much with my money besides just save it and wait until it's a great time to, you know, invest. I'm very much into like, you know, I'm always thinking about the future.

43:57Always. I'm a big dreamer. And I think because I am constantly thinking about the future, I just manifest into my life somehow. If you never stop, you're going to get it. Well, you sound like you're not going to be the person who's like balling out, buying crazy designer and cars and stuff. Sometimes I do. Like sometimes I'm like, I'm going to get a car. And then I'm like, what are you doing? But you know what it's like to feel like way less confident financially because of all the shit that you've been through. Yeah, of course. But I still I still do not like spending money at all. You can ask anyone around me.

44:26I stress out. I'm like, oh, my God, how much? But I just like don't like spending money. I think that the world is just so there. I don't understand how people afford stuff. It's just so crazy. You can't leave a grocery store without spending at least$50. I'm like, what? That's crazy. But yeah. Okay. So you dropped the OnlyFans. What's the next 24 hours of your life like? Because obviously there was a ton of negativity and stuff, but now it's kind of like on your terms. Like you created this negativity. It's not like some documentary crew creating it for you. Well, I, okay. Before what I was actually a, so a few months after I turned 18 in October, I had to be like a little platform that was a little bit more risky than like fanfics passes brand army so i kind of got all that hate out i felt like i got the hate for only fans but i didn't get as much money as i would have thought it was still amazing money but i was getting so much hate for it like so much so people i kind of already went through that in october so when i dropped my first one people were like oh well they were kind of bored they were like okay yeah cool still performed well but um it i didn't get too much hate and i were whoa i prepared for it like really well too like i was just always talking about it and getting comfortable talking about it because i was really uncomfortable talking about it for a while and i was just really uncomfortable with it like just speaking about it on the internet on tiktok especially because like that's like one of my favorite things ever and i know it's a lot just as an app i mean yeah i mean i'm not maybe as a app but i just love my community on there i had i have and had a really good one so i just i love being able to go on my tiktok and just post whatever i have these like amazing young women that are like growing and i also have like you know i just have a look at just a whole i love it right because if some girl was like you know 10 when you were 10 and then you start only fans at 18 you know she's probably like she can relate to whatever you're going through she's probably thought about it too right i mean yeah but i'm also like heavy heavy on like don't do it like you know what i mean don't do it unless you're like high up i wouldn't have done this if i didn't to YouTube like you know I mean if I didn't have this whole life that I had I wouldn't of course someone asked me I was so I like to do these like little fake podcast clips where I'm like totally being a bitch and like totally being arrogant and being mean and people take it for real but um that's okay you know you have to do that some like I don't have to but that's something I like you have to do a fake podcast from time to time it's just part of life sometimes you have to you have to do something that's gonna anger people and I was talking to 95 workers and I was just being super arrogant and i was like oh my god like i don't even watch those clips myself i know they perform well but i'm like i'm not even gonna watch it oh is this one of the ones where you said like it's so much harder being a content creator than having a nine and she was like did you like this vet nary and she was like well like when you were a kid did you think that you did you want to grow up and be an only fan star and i think i said yes but like no like no that's not what you want to do when you're young right like you don't think about that at all i mean when i was young i wanted to be like um i wanted to teach dance i wanted to be like a vet i want to do all like the normal things kids wanted to do and i mean i still believe i can do anything like you know i still believe that this only fans thing like you know i don't think that it's going to hold me back in other ways but i could have a reality check and like that could totally like fall down and you know i can only do only fans for the rest of my life but who knows i mean realistically it's going to stop you from being able to do some things but it's not like it cuts you off from everything that you could ever do for the rest of your life i'm just thinking that i could like completely like go dark and like change my name like get a haircut and then nobody will know that sounds like a lot of like really really good content for the internet for a few weeks where it's like you know shave my head diet piper rachel thinks that she can hide and get a bowl cut and it probably wouldn't last that long i don't think i i don't know i i'm i'm just living day by day right but okay so when you started though like are you on your phone seeing every single comment like really hooked into the opinion of the people or do you like consciously go for a hike or some shit the world like prepared me for this because of all the stuff you know i had times where i wouldn't look at my phone i wouldn't look at my comments so it was really easy for me to drop the only fans make a bunch of money put away my phone not look at the comments because i've literally done that so many times like just like put away my phone and not look at the comments because it literally has never made anything better um so yeah i just like sometimes like i find like other people looking at their comments that are like you know literally just like shitting on them i'm like why are you watching that like you're literally putting yourself down like stop like Because somehow you feel like if you read every negative comment that you're in control of it, which no, you're not.

49:09But meanwhile, like I know people who like are not really that online and there'll be a huge controversy taking place and they actually won't look at it. And then a couple of days later, I'll like mention it to him and they'll it'll be like I'm telling them about it for the first time. And then I realized like, oh, you just missed all the negativity that you would have felt if you knew about that. by just not knowing about it like i get like a text from someone and they're like oh my god i'm so sorry but what's going on i'm like what's going on yes what's going on like what what are people saying and like i literally that happens like sometimes all the time and i was like what i always am trying to figure out what's going on or they're like oh i'm so sorry about what's going on and then you're like what and then you realize that it's like a thing that you've faked that you're trolling don't worry about that and you never even took a moment to be like oh this is bad you're like no i'm like i was just doing that with people like yeah no i just i'm really good at just putting my phone down and i enjoy very simple things i love just like i love like cooking and just going to the grocery store and just taking care of people i'm super i'm a super i am super chill most of the time i have not been on your only fans i'm gonna assume it's pretty soft core in terms of what you're doing is it is it mostly just photos or have you do you do i mean I do videos I do a video with like literally I post like I think two times a week um like I mean I don't really like to say too much about it I feel like that's like a code you're not supposed to be like I do this because you have to just like you know what I mean if I'm doing it I want to get as much as I possibly can from it so I'm not I don't ever want to say something you know what I mean because I might be like don't tell me why am I stuttering so bad I might be like toning it down but like you you know what I mean I don't know I'm fine I'm comfortable with it I don't know why I'm so comfortable with it but I am right there's a weird thing on OnlyFans where if you have an OnlyFans people are assuming that you are doing hardcore on there and I see people say that about Ruby Rose or uh Sophie Rain or whoever where it's like people just assume that you're doing something much more extreme whereas like in Ruby's case and I'm not 100 % sure these days but like at least like when she started it i'm 99 sure that there wasn't anything crazy on there but people are treating it like she's doing the craziest stuff possible that's why i think that this like whole bop house thing is so amazing because it kind of like created a whole new like how to do only fans in a way you know you don't have to do all the things that you might be uncomfortable to do in a sense you know what i mean so they really made it like very safe and comfortable and also so you can you know express yourself in some way because i also have i literally talked to my friend her name is alice she also does only fans but like we talk about how like we just shut up alice i see you alice we literally just like talk about how like we enjoy showing our body like it's something maybe it's something wrong with us inside but like we i've just always enjoyed it and i'm and she's a normal person she didn't grow up on youtube and she also just enjoys it we're also very different in a lot of ways but like there's i'm not that crazy you know for just being comfortable in my own skin and being confident in my body in some sort of way you know what i mean i i used to be a huge gym rat too and i used to love love showing my body and stuff like that so i don't know i just i'm just comfortable with it you're over the gym rat era i got you know my life went true down did you used to be like bigger like muscular um yeah my legs were super big like i was obsessed with just going i went to the gym like every single day and And I was just like really – I think it was like something that was helping me get through like my life at that time.

52:42Because you're always looking for something you can control. Oh, my God. Yeah. And that is a huge thing. I got really sick. I had a really bad eating disorder. And I think it was because – I was just about to guess that. As soon as you said the working out thing, I'm like that's the – the eating disorder is like the negative version of it. The exercising and eating healthy is like the positive version of it. But like a lot of people choose to like try to take control of their life through that. So I got down to like 90 pounds. I lost like everything. I was so skinny and I thought I looked great.

53:10I was like, what are you talking about? I look great. And I was like 16 and I looked like a little kid. I was like, whoa, what's, and I still have to see those pictures. You know what I mean? Cause like it's me and people still post them and I still look back because I still did, I think I did YouTube at that time still. And I did like TikTok and stuff like that. So yeah, I mean, that was horrifying going through and seeing everybody's comment. Cause I used to be known as like the chubbier, thicker girl back in the, like with like my other friends. And I was, I mean, I'm not, I've always been a little bit thicker than like the people around me but i never really thought about too much until i saw comments about it of course you know i was always getting comments that i was the biggest one or i remember there was this one video where like a girl was like trying to put on my pants and you know they were like way too big and i tried to put on her pants and like they were too small and i was like like people comment about it all the time and i was just like yeah it got me really insecure like i lost a bunch of weight especially for a young girl having to like read all these comments about her body like that can't be good yeah i lost a bunch of weight and then the comments were even worse they were like oh my god what happened to her oh my god she's skinny bones like all these crazy things of course they're like her mom's not letting her eat i'm like guys my mom is literally doing anything she can to get me to eat i am literally being such a terrible person to everybody like i'm you know i would sneak i would like have someone make me food and they'd be like please eat this like i'm begging you and i would do anything to not eat it you know what i mean like it was horrifying so just like you know It just is craziness.

54:31Yeah. No, definitely. But would you say that overall starting OnlyFans just kind of made you feel more confident and more in control of how people perceive you, I guess? Of course. Absolutely. I mean, I love it and I truly am so happy. And I know that it can be taken away from me like that. But again, I think I can just stay. I'm just happy right now. I'm just going to feel it. I'm not going to think about the negatives to it. I'm just going to ride the high. And then when it gets low, just understand it. Okay. But for anybody who starts OnlyFans, immediately the comments start, which is, we want you to do this.

55:10You haven't done this. We want you to do this. How do you manage that? Is there part of you that sees those comments and is like, oh, I should do that. Because if I do that, I'll make more money. But at the same time, you don't want to rush into anything. Only when money is involved. When you get paid, when you are asked something and you're like, I'll give you 50 or I'll give you 100K to do this, you know, then like you got your mind. It's like, oh, my God, that's like so cool. Like that's a great, so easy and simple, but so much money. And but I mean, not really to a sense, because I feel like the longer you wait to go all the way or the longer you wait to do something that you're not comfortable doing yet, but you might be comfortable to do.

55:46It's just better for your supporters because, you know, you create a better connection with them. and I think it's just you know better in general I'm still very young you know yeah I mean that's the logic of like you know because I'm in the actual world which I don't want to like act like you're in that world because you're obviously doing something totally different but like that's something that every girl who does knows is like do you want to come in the game doing the the least possible and then you want to slowly roll out you doing more and more yeah because if you give it all away at one time you know it's gonna be like okay yeah I meet girls all the time who are pissed off because they met some agent and their first scene was all this crazy stuff and they wish that they had stretched it out over 10 years or five years or whatever it was yeah and i got very lucky with a great team it's very very small they're it's so great and they're like my best friends like i just love them so much and i literally thank i thank them every day like they're just the best people ever so yeah definitely okay you're here with your boyfriend today how long has that been a thing we've known each other since we were like 10 so we've known each other for like a really long time but we never got the chance to like actually be together we've almost been together for two months so far that's dope but he's like my best friend and we've always been friends so i don't know it doesn't really it's hard it's like really like it's like a really like not fun question when people ask that because i want to say like oh we've been together for seven years like that's not true at all right so but how does that feel versus is like i noticed when you first started the of thing all of a sudden you're in like a fake relationship with rakai and stuff i wasn't it wasn't fake i swear like i try like i just assume everything is fake on streaming okay so i met up with him like a really like a year before that with another person and we did a stream and with rakai he was there and we didn't we hardly talked that much but somehow we got my number and you know he would just text from time to time just be like yo yo yo yo and then there was one day it was in january and he texted me he was like yo like do you want to do a stream and i was like my god i want to do a stream and i i was honestly like are you sure you're comfortable with that you know i just dropped my only fans 17 years old like are you sure you're comfortable he's like yes i'm so comfortable like i don't care he actually was super nice like he never made me feel weird about it at all like he was the most supportive person like in my life at that time like he was just like so supportive and yeah just did a stream and then we just continued to talk and we just continued to talk but i think that i'm a very much like i love relationships and i love like it was just he wasn't we were not ready for that at all so yeah of course i was like okay we gotta stop this because it's not very fun right now i mean your current dude seems a little more clean cut whereas rakai is like a shock streamer basically you know it's kind of like totally every time i see him he's super talented and i am i'm so excited to see where he goes but yeah no it just wasn't wasn't right interesting so i mean now you probably have like a crazy amount of opportunities in front of you at all times like is it hard to decide what you want to actually do or I mean no I mean I don't really have a lot of opportunities coming from other people like cause you know people don't want to even want to work with an OnlyFans girl but like opportunities within myself like the only thing I want to do is like buy a nice piece of property and live there with everybody it's kind of like my next step really?

58:59Yeah it's interesting how like so many people like who get rich off OnlyFans or whatever like they just really want to live like a nice safe comfortable life kind of away from people and what and most of the time it's like you know they just like larp like with their cars and stuff like that like most of the a lot of people actually have like nice cars but i'm thinking about it i'm like i want to get a nice car because of course you know i have very comfortable i can do it but like there's also a part of me that's like what is it gonna i'm gonna do reels with it and then like what am i gonna do like what am i gonna do with it i'm better off just like renting it you know what i mean for like i don't know so it's hard it's also kind of like really hard like to it's not hard i'm not gonna sit here and say i'm sorry because like people have to like i could be in such a worse situation right but i'm so grateful and i'm just trying to like help the world as much as i can along the way but you got to give me a few years of being an only fans person and then i can help the world after no that's fair yeah i've met girls who do only fans or whatever and they're kind of like yeah i like take all my extra money and i put it into like an animal rescue so that that actually is like a thing like i've met multiple girls who do that which is it's kind of it's kind of noble it's crazy most of them are all like are all very normal people you know what i mean but they might put up this like facade of being somebody that they're not but at the end of the day they're all very normal yeah because that's the thing that you have to master or like get used to that probably seems pretty foreign given how you grew up but basically like you have to have the real you and then you have to have the version of you that puts on makeup and gets hair done and takes these sexy photos and tries to sell them and does crazy streams to promote yourself or whatever and these are two separate people and you have to be able to like shut out the other one when it's time for you to be the real you the thing is it's like when i pretend to be someone i'm not and like i have this like horrible attitude and i'm like mean to people and i say things that aren't in my character people know it's fake because i've done youtube and i know my like personality traits and like what i really would say and it's really hard because i never stick to that one thing i'm never like i'm gonna be a bitch for the rest of the time on the internet because it performs well i'm always like do that for a second then i'm like nice and then you know i don't know it's confusing they're probably confused i'm confused too right

1:01:07sorry we've sounded like girls yelling at each other out there hopefully that's not anything i don't even know why there would be any girls here but uh okay what was the decision to start like a new youtube channel like like you basically kind of wanted to separate yourself from like the prior version of yourself like you're um do i have a new youtube channel oh i thought you had a separate one for like your recent content um i think i put i think like my like i had like a strip uh i don't know why i'm i'm like so bad at talking right now i had a like a twitch people were helping me and i think that's like streaming clips or whatever okay interesting yeah but yeah i was i was like a streamer for like a week or so right oh shit are you still driving music videos 50 million views on Butterflies.

1:01:50I have not watched this, but 50 million views. It's real good. Those are really cute. What, the videos cute? Yeah. I mean, they're just fun. We have great stories, and we made really great stories with everybody. Wow, okay. And it was so fun to film. I had such a fun time doing that. What, just making the music videos and stuff? Yes, those were so much fun. And the music videos, they always came out so well, and they always performed super well. And I feel like most of the time I didn't even get paid for them. I just genuinely enjoyed doing them, because I think that you could get copyright claimed or something.

1:02:15And I also like got strewn over by a lot of people like the accountants and the record label and this and this and this and this. So I had years to learn to not trust everybody and all that stuff. So do you feel like you are going to ever do that kind of thing again? Music or if you do, I feel like you're going to have to take on like a different persona. Of course. Yeah, I know. But I want to in a way like some some part of me wants to. But I'm also like fiber. Like that's not you no more. Like you're just, you know, I put myself in this box. It's like I'm just like an OnlyFans girl right now.