No Such Thing As Magical Fox Phishing

0:01Hi everyone, welcome to this week's episode of No Such Thing As A Fish, where we were joined by our good friend, the New Zealand comedian Ray O' O 'Leary. Now, we've known Ray for a long time now. He is such a good friend. It's so good to get him on the main podcast. You might remember he did the Edinburgh showcase that we did towards the end of last year, but he is on the full show today, and I'm absolutely certain you're going to love it because, oh my gosh, we had such a good time doing this show. Once you have finished listening to it, then I reckon you're going to want to go and buy tickets to see his show.

0:34His stand-up is really where he absolutely thrives. He's got a brilliant delivery and his jokes are so funny. Of all the people I went to see last year, definitely he's my favourite. And so if you are listening to this when the show goes out and you are in Edinburgh, Newcastle, Glasgow, Norwich, Southampton, Edinburgh, Leeds, Liverpool, Birmingham, London, Bristol or Sheffield, then go to the internet and search for Ray O 'Leary. If you go to his Instagram, then you will find details for tickets in his bio or you could just search Google for Ray O 'Leary tickets and you'll find them there and I highly recommend it.

1:09If you'd like to listen to the Excel version of this show where we find out what Dan has in common with Jean-Jacques Rousseau and believe me, you didn't want it in the normal version but big fans of Dan are going to want to hear it and then go to patreon.com slash nosestingsafish and there is all sorts of stuff there. Not just Excel shows but merch and all sorts of bonus material or just a place to sign up and learn more about fish. Anyway, let's get on with it. This week's show with Ray O 'Leary. On with the podcast.

1:53Hello and welcome to another episode of No Such Thing as a Fish, a weekly podcast coming to you from the QI offices in Hoburn. My name is Dan Schreiber. I am sitting here with Andrew Hunter Murray, James Harkin, and Ray O 'Leary. And once again, we have gathered around the microphones with our four favorite facts from the last seven days. And in no particular order, here we go. Starting with fact number one, and that is Ray. My fact this week is that a 30-second lullaby written in 1963 has made more than$70 million in royalties. It's pretty good going. And that lullaby is killing in the name of by Rage Against the Machine.

2:35Something that I always go to bed with.

2:41Okay, that's a lot of royalties. It is, yes. The reason it's made so much money is because it's become a theme song for a TV show. It's become a theme song for the American quiz show Jeopardy because the song was written by the creator of the show, who I guess needed a theme song. He got himself to do it and now paid himself$70 million. So he got paid every time it was on. Yes, every time it was on. And the show is like 230 episodes a year or something. He gets paid every time. Oh, and syndicated globally as well. And there's all the different UK and other country formats. Stephen Fry hosts the UK and Australian ones.

3:19Yeah, yeah. The thing is about this lullaby is as far as I'm concerned, it's exactly the same as another lullaby. Interesting. Which is I'm a Little Teapot, right? Oh, really? It's the one that goes, tip me over, pour me out. To me, I've always heard it and I honestly always thought, oh, they must have just used I'm a Little Teapot because it was out of copyright. Yeah. But actually, he claimed to have written it. Well, I would say that I'm a Little Teapot is not a lullaby. I certainly wouldn't sing that to a child I was trying to get to sleep. I think that's more of a hype up fight song, that kind of thing.

3:54Yes, right. What is it? Well, it was the eight mile of its day. But actually, I mean, there are movements involved. When you want a child to sleep, you don't want them doing movements. Yeah. But that was written by a couple of school teachers. Really? I think it was in like the 30s or 40s. So in theory, it would have been in copyright when he, when this guy who was called, what was he called? Merv Griffin. Merv Griffin. When Merv Griffin wrote his, in theory, they could have sued him. But I think because they were just school teachers, they weren't like, you know. I didn't know that. Well, so Merv Griffin, he not only created Jeopardy, he created Wheel of Fortune.

4:29He was also the host of a lot of TV shows. He was in movies. He was a sort of business empire onto himself. He was like the Richard Osman of America. Yeah, he was. But I do have a bone to pick with old Merv. Oh, yeah. Which is, yeah, he says creator of Jeopardy. He absolutely was not. It was his wife. His wife, Jewel Anne Wright. She was sitting on an airplane. And this is in interviews with Merv Griffin. where he says, and this will explain the format of Jeopardy in case anyone's not really seen it, his wife was mulling over game show ideas and said there's not enough successful question and answer shows.

5:04Those used to be big, they weren't really on TV. And then she said, what happens if you swap the answer and question in the format? So what if you were given the answer and you had to come up with the question? So the question is, how does it work, Ray? You're a fan, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what you get given is, I think it's called sometimes the clue, but it's meant to be in the phrase of an answer. So it'll be, this city is the biggest in the UK and home to 9 million people or something like that. And then you'd say, What is Western Superman? I do not know enough about British geography to understand that joke.

5:42What is London? Yeah, what is London? The examples she gave on the plane was she said 5 ,280. The question was, how many feet are in a mile? She also said 79 Wistful Vista. The answer was, is that where Fibber and Molly McGee live? And that was just friends of theirs. Oh, that's a tricky one. That is a tough one. I think the thing is, though, with Jeopardy, is like, those kind of things wouldn't quite work. Because if you say the number of feet in a mile, there's a number of different questions that could result in that answer. Whereas if it's a clue rather than an answer. So it has to be, you can't say, these are weird sea things.

6:19And I say, what are oysters? Because there are loads of weird little sea things. Because it could be a quahog. Exactly, okay, okay Because I've always found it incredibly confusing I've never seen an episode I've always found the idea quite baffling And also, if you don't say what is or who is Or whatever, you don't get the point Give me a break Give me a break What is the slogan for Kit Kat? Have a break Close enough Yeah, okay Do they have this show in New Zealand? No, I illegally watch it on YouTube Every day, don't tell anyone I know. I probably shouldn't have seen it. But yeah, I find it fascinating.

6:55And also, you're right about what Merv Griffin said about how he came up with the show. Well, I was just sitting there and my wife had an idea. The shame of being single. I'm half as efficient, you know. Well, he was like a big deal. And he was an actor. And I think he was friends with Doris Day who might have discovered him. I think he was working in a nightclub. and Doris Day walked past and said, well, you should do a screen test for Warner Brothers, for whom I'm working. And he did that, and he got put in a couple of movies. And I think he probably thought he was going to be Doris Day's leading man, because they were such good friends.

7:34But he was very short. He could have been her love interest who eventually loses the girl, but he was never going to be a leading man, really. So he thought he was going in to be the hot man, but he was assigned what hunchback number two was.

7:51He was a Pallbearer at Ronald Reagan's funeral Maybe through acting connections I don't know or maybe after he became a very Big deal No you're right Unless they all were I don't know And he's the man behind the song I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts He was the original singer Well the one who made it the big song that it became Isn't that good So not behind it sorry One of the singers who made it big And the other thing about him, just laughing on him personally That I found fascinating was He also created, as you said I think James, Wheel of Fortune Which is another incredibly big game show And of course we know That the theme tune for that show Was written by Alan Thickey Father of Robin Thickey A friend of the podcast Do you know Robin Thickey?

8:41I know Robin Thicke Ah yes No, common misconception on this podcast he will always be robin thick he gets furious people mispronouncing his name because it makes him sound thick if you call him robin thick he also had a chat show very famously uh he interviewed an estimated 25 000 people and he said that his best interview was with orson wells because orson wells was very guarded individual he didn't really say anything about his personal life uh but just before the show Orson Welles said you know these wonderful gossipy things that you've always wanted to ask about my past uh and Merv says yeah yeah but I'm not allowed to ask those am I and um Orson Welles says well tonight you are I'm feeling very expansive and he did the interview and he asked him all these questions that he wouldn't answer in the past uh and Orson Welles went home and died two hours later So he was like, this is my last chance to get it out Wow, holy moly But yeah, he died of natural causes Yeah, as in you Wirth Griffin murdered him for rabies We mentioned Wheel of Fortune earlier There is a person on that show called Vanna White Who has a Guinness World Record Okay Can you guess what it is?

10:02Vanna White Vanna White was a she was quite a glamorous lady. Glamorous assistant. Is it something like most hours on TV? Okay, so she is the person who turns the answers around. Because Wheel of Fortune is like hangman, right? So you've got a word there and you say, can I have an X? Yes, you can. And they'll turn the X around. Oh, but there might not be that letter there. It's not in the phrase. So it's this person's job. But she now has a world record and she's done something 3 ,721 ,446 times As of The 9th of February 2015 Is it touching letters? World record Touching letters Because A, Santa's got that record Absolutely down pat Has she Clapped?

10:55Correct So whenever they get one of the letters right She turns it round and she claps Someone's counted the claps Wow, which poor Guinness worker had to sit watching every episode. And she appeared in all but 10 of the 6 ,151 episodes up until Guinness made this record. Wow, good. And she clapped in all of them and she had a world record. Wow. And the reason that they had a hostess on there at all is because they were going to motorize the board, which is what you would do. It's like, can I have an L? And the L just turns round. But they couldn't finish making the motor. and so they had to hire someone to actually turn the pictures.

11:34Just on computers doing this kind of stuff, so Jeopardy famously faced Watson in 2011, Supercomputer. Did it? Yeah, and Watson won, beat two humans who were playing alongside it. It's a three-player game, isn't it? And one of them was like the best. They were both the top champions. Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter, who I think both hold records in the Jeopardy universe. Oh, really? I didn't know there was a Jeopardy universe The JCU? You ever checked it out? There's a website called J Archive It's a fan made website And it's a record of every question ever asked How much dollar values were waged and what not Who won, pictures of the people who played Every word that was said on an episode All categorised there And Alex Trebek, one of the long time hosts of the show Found out about it And he said, come on people, get a life what is biting the hand that feeds you

12:41stop the podcast stop the podcast hi everyone we'd like to let you know that this week we are sponsored by salie that's right salie the new e-sim service app which means that if you were going overseas on holiday or a business trip and you've got your mobile phone on you you can download an eSIM that would allow you to get the best local rates for any of the phone calls that you're making so you don't rack up a bill of thousands and thousands like one of us on the podcast has definitely done. Well certainly it wasn't me Dan because I've known about Saley for a long time and I just can't imagine Andy or Anna would be quite so careless.

13:18This is why you were a loss to the police James. I think you've very quickly mapped out who it was. It was me, it cost a fortune and now that doesn't happen because there is over 200 destinations where eSaley applies to and I am now an eSaley user. Yeah, you just download the Saley app onto your mobile device and it's really easy to find your data plan, apply your coupon code and get an exclusive discount. Dan, what is that coupon code? That coupon code is FISH. So download the Saley app, use that code FISH at checkout and you're going to get 15 % off your first purchase. Absolutely, get an exclusive 50 % discount on your first Saley data plans.

13:58Use the code FISH at checkout and download the Saley app or go to https colon forward slash forward slash Saley s-a-i-l-y dot com forward slash FISH and be like me Andy and Anna. Okay on with the podcast. On with the show.

14:20okay it is time for fact number two and that is my fact my fact this week is that every year in japan thousands of receptionists apply to compete against each other in the all japan phone answering championship this is a this is amazing this is a competition exclusively for office workers uh mostly receptionists and every year literally thousands and thousands apply so that they could go to a competition where they sit on stage and they are judged on how well they receive a phone call and deal with questions and it lasts three minutes long for each of them and then they hang up and then a decision is made on how great they performed and they're given things like a problem it's called each year a new problem is created and they are given same problem for all competitors yeah it is but you would not be able to you must be kept away from otherwise you see what the problem is i think they tell you before you go on because there's like so the 2025 one was for a theoretical beef tongue restaurant in sendai city um which has the slogan bringing smiles to customers faces through beef tongue.

15:37And basically, you get all the menus and all the different places it could deliver beef tongues to. And then someone will ring up going, excuse me, do you have any pork tongue? And you have to answer that. I'm a vegetarian. What do you have for me? And you're told what's going to be asked as well. You're told the problem. So there's no plot twists or anything like that. You're even given a role in that 2025 one. You are Yunkatakura. You are an employee responsible for operating the online shop and handling inquiries about beef tongue. But you have to do it with a straight face. But I think a lot of it is how polite you are, it's how clear you are.

16:17It sounds like there's a lot of quite formal etiquette as well. And in terms of how you answer the phone, you're meant to answer on the first or the second ring. If you only get to it on the third ring, that's an apology straight away. And what if you pick it up straight away and you're too keen on the beef tongue? I think it's very precise. If you're in a phone answering competition and you're waiting for the third ring, I mean, that's crazy. That's the bad boy. I think you're talking general Japanese etiquette. Oh, sorry. Yeah, apparently it's judged out of 100 points. I got this from a translation of a site that talks about the 2025 competition.

16:55So, yeah, it's judged on six different criteria. First impression. So the first line that you say. Hello. Did you deal with that? Criteria number two, basic call handling skills, which is 20 points Voice volume, speaking speed, natural intonation Clear voice production and pronunciation That's what that one is Oh, well, it's important Yeah, then there's communication skills There's provision of information and service Final impression Bye! All right, Andy, let's just try with you, okay? Hello! Sorry, that was a bit quick That's keen And also, in Japan, they don't say hello. We need you to do the full voice.

17:37In Japan, you answer the phone moshi moshi. Oh, of course. And do you know why that is? It means hello. It's because they speak Japanese. Well, that is undoubtedly true, but it doesn't mean hello. It means it's short for a maoshi age masu, which means I am going to talk. and it's because in polite Japanese society especially if you're speaking to someone who is more important than you you wouldn't say hello you had to announce the fact that you want to talk before you do which is tough because then you are talking so you usually need to say moshi moshi before you say moshi moshi it's can I ask a question it's the can I ask a question of Japanese you are asking a question exactly but there's another theory according to a folklorist called Yu A.

18:27Kasal um apparently moshi moshi is impossible to say if you are a magic fox so the life of the magic fox just gets harder and harder there was there's a thing called the bakemono fox and this fox is like a trickster in folklore and one thing that it does is it can learn to speak like an imitator a human um but it can say lots of the words but it can't say moshi moshi and so according to this folklorist one of the reasons people say moshi moshi is because then if they say that they know that you're not a magic fox shibboleth right shibboleth yeah exactly and as a result magic fox crime stats are down way down especially when it comes to like fishing um like trying to get your bank details on the phone.

19:19They just don't do it. A lot of younger Japanese people, and I think this is a global thing as well, are becoming more nervous about answering the phone. This is a thing. There's a study in the UK that found that a quarter of people aged 18 to 34 never answer the phone. If it's an unknown number. I would never answer to an unknown number. Really? I don't either. I do. I like it. I spin the wheel. Who's this? Yeah, but it's always some spam, isn't it? It's often someone with a really good offer for me actually goes And that's why Andy's living in the basement of this building Another magic fox got me again But there's this other thing that is happening now Especially with younger people answering the phone They'll answer it but they won't say anything Because they're waiting for it I do that as well, do you?

20:10Because you can kind of hear the click And also what happens often is They won't say anything And then as soon as you talk Then the automatic voice comes in And it says hello I've got a great deal for you 50 ,000 kilos of beef tongue Yes Yes You had me at hello But have you guys experienced this other thing And this has only been recently launched Yelp, the sort of phone people The company Launched this thing recently You can have a proper conversation with an AI voice That answers your phone So I'm in the process of getting my hob removed Sorry Excuse me I'm trying to have my hob ripped out At the moment I can't believe you showed up to work today I was wondering why you were limping up the stairs And I phoned up this company Trying to get a quote And I had a whole conversation with a robot That was doing a quote for me Like saying what's the size of it And what shape is it But as in I had a proper chat I found it very upsetting and horrible Sometimes that's how I feel When we're doing this podcast

21:25You know that you're not talking To a proper intelligence Could you tell it was an AI Did it have good intonations Good production of speech Well it did but weirdly I could tell As in it sounded like a person but there was just a slight sort of filter over the whole call that made me realize it was a machine talking. It's really weird because the final criteria, the sixth criteria of this whole thing is actually sort of an overall evaluation. So it sort of almost doesn't matter what happened between one and five. They could have given you high marks, but then they're like, now that I think about it, I wasn't so much impressed with these certain moments.

22:02And you can get points for, even if you didn't get anything resolved in the call, but it sounded like a nice chat. You get points for that. You can also get points for excellent silence just for like, wow, you were brilliant with the silence there. Yeah. Points for everyone. I was wondering who would be the first to track that. I looked it up and I think it was the 2015 winner. She practiced to win this competition. She practiced her three minute conversations For two hours a day Over a period of four months Wow That's a very patient partner Crazy That's amazing Well it is thousands who apply But it's only about 60 to 80 That make it to the actual stage Is there an audience?

22:51Is there a big audience apart from the judges? I've seen a video but I've only seen it of the stage I couldn't quite tell Because if the show is 60 to 80 people Doing the same three minute conversation I can imagine that wouldn't be very varied, basically. I did read that one of the recent winners answered the phone and conducted the conversation in a very traditional and formal style, which is what got her the points with the judges, although you wouldn't maybe naturally have a conversation like that if you were answering the phone in a normal Japanese business, basically. There are all sorts of...

23:21Apparently there are at least 60 books in Japan available exclusively on phone etiquette. It's a real thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, obviously it's a country with a huge amount of etiquette In all sorts of areas But yeah, it's fascinating General reception? I was trying to find out some more things about General receptionists and receptionism Okay, go on Most successful receptionist of all time? Okay Good question Is it the receptionist from The Apprentice TV show In the UK? Who literally Well, they have this whole pretense of them being in the boardroom And you're fired and stuff and then they go out and then supposedly Alan Sugar decides what's going to happen and then they cut to someone who doesn't even seem to be in the same building, picking up a phone and going, yes Lord Sugar, I'll send them in now.

24:09And then they cut to the boardroom and they're all in. So that just feels like quite a good job. It's a great gig. Yeah, that's really good. No, the Queen. She was a receptionist. Oh, the current Queen Consort. Camilla started out as a receptionist. It's a natural career progression, isn't it? We'll be promoted. Your main queen. Did she? Yeah. She works at, obviously, a very posh company in their reception. And I think she was sacked for turning up late. But I found out, interesting fact, Charles and Camilla had the same gynecologist when they were born. What? Excuse me, Charles had a gynecologist?

24:53I suppose Charles and Camilla's mothers were both assisted by the same. Yeah. Charles has no gynecologist. He had his hob removed, actually.

25:05Oh, my gosh. Here is an accidental receptionist in Reykjavik in 2015. There was a security guard in the prime minister's office who went away from the office for the day. But normally what you do is you put your mobile phone number into the system, and then if anyone phones the prime minister, then it would come through to you and you can sort of take messages and whatever. Anyway, someone put the wrong number in and a woman who lived in Reykjavik just started getting phone calls that were meant for the Prime Minister of Iceland. That's such a prank. If you can arrange that for someone, that is amazing.

25:48What happened? What did she do? Nothing. It was just for like one day or so until they all came back in the office And she said, it's been no bother. This is Ingeborg Sigurvinsdottir. Said, it's been no bother. I am a citizen of this country and I am ready to help. Just imagine if it had been an invasion. Passing through calls from world leaders and things. I really like this, which is ELO, Electric Light Orchestra. It's one of my favorite bands. So their debut album came out in 1971. It's called Electric Light Orchestra, out here in the UK. Released in America in March of 1972 With the title No Answer And that's because the record exec in America Said to someone in the office Can you call England and find out what the debut album is called They called, no one picked up They wrote in the notes, no answer The exec saw that And thought, oh, great title And that became the title of the album What was the title in the UK?

26:41It was just self-titled Was that because someone rang up the office and they went, hello?

26:54Okay, it is time for fact number three, and that is James. Okay, my fact this week is that philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau, one of the most important figures of the Enlightenment, father of European political thought, and one of the inspirations behind the French Revolution, would run around Paris with his bum out, hoping someone would spank him. did that start the french revolution we have to stop this guy off with his bun um so yeah jean-jacques rousseau unbelievably famous in his time one of the most important thinkers of the age and it turned out that he had a pretty difficult childhood and it stuck him with some fetishes and one of them was that he loved being spanked and just before he died he had a book called confessions which was very autobiographical but it was like it was warts and all uh and he said that he would go around paris winnie the boo style hoping that someone would spank him and then what happened was sometimes he got the shit beat out of him did he yeah like a group of people who didn't think much of that kind of thing would grab hold of him and start kicking him and he'd have to escape i think that's fair yeah he was yeah i agree he was hanging around in alleys, hoping for I presume what would be quite a rare result was someone to administer a spanking.