Ash Holme Talks Wild Nights Out, Dating Disasters & The Truth About X Factor!

22:38And we kind of really, like, trauma bonded through judges' houses, basically, because we went together.

22:43Olivia Attwood:Yeah, and also it's like, I know from, obviously, Love Island and friends I've got from that show, when you go through an experience like that and someone else has done it, you can't explain it to anyone else unless you actually lived it. Yeah. So you, yeah, you have to kind of have done it together. You came close to a Love Island appearance. Is that right? or is that false news? No, that's not false news. They slept, unless, did you pull out or did they pull out on you? No. Because if they pulled out on you, they slept on TV gold there. That is on them. What a fucking mistake. You know what, now I praise the Lord because I think I would have got cancelled 100%.

23:16But I...

23:17Olivia Attwood:You would have been so good. It was the, I'm trying to think what year it was. Oh, what year was it? We'll have to dig out the archives and find out. But I, yeah, so I went through they kept messaging me you know the whole like the outreach team do all this stuff on Insta and I remember being like do I want to do this I don't know and I went in for that producer chat because I was like it can't hurt whatever and they strung me along till like quite the end they do yeah they were basically like they were getting my sizes to the challenges and stuff and I was like oh shit am I getting at that stage I was like I don't even know if I actually want to go on this like I'm here now and then last minute they went elsewhere and they were like i'm so sorry like it was literally because i would have been a bombshell it wasn't like original so the show had already started yes right okay so i remember thinking like guys like what's happening because it's already on yeah um so i was really on tenter hooks for ages and then they got back to me last minute and they were like i'm really sorry we've decided to go another way and i remember at the time but you know when you don't want to do something but when you get a no you're like now i really want it i mean i don't even think i wanted to go on it but once it's like the option is taken away then you feel devastated it was like i wanted to be the one to be like imagine little me to itv no i'm really i actually don't want to do that and then you watch the next bomb show in go in and you're like are you fucking serious her over me totally totally so i was so bitter berry that's the i did watch it that season i don't think but now you're glad you didn't yeah I don't even think it would have been a bad move like neither nor you're just like it's not like something that yeah I think it's nice it's so nice to know now in hindsight that like I didn't need it because it was a really nice like full circle moment actually last year I got onto set to do all the press stuff because I did the whole season of Aftersun and the woman that was speaking to me about going on the show yeah all that all those years ago was on set and she went Asha just have to say I was the one that had to call you and let you go oh my god so she was like it's just so nice to know that either way you ain't fucking leaving exactly exactly you're like I'm coming back bitch one way or another one way or another I will be there so that was actually quite nice I'm you know it sounds like I hate when people say stuff like this but I believe it like if it was for you you would have been on it do you know what I mean there's a reason why it wasn't and I think like you said that I always just believe in that.

25:48Olivia Attwood:Yeah. Divine timing. Divine timing. And, you know, I don't know what series it was, but people have mixed experiences on there. I had a great time. Some people fucking hate it. I was going to say, did you really love it? I really loved it. Like, don't get me wrong. And like, I was series three. Like, that was when it was... Babe, you were heyday, heyday. They were... So there were days when it was, like, you know, you're in it. And it's like, in my series, series three, the challenges were challenging. We had the mean tweet challenge. we had the lie detector which I do think was a better era of entertainment but obviously being the entertainment subject it was some days it was brutal it's like the America's Next Top Model of it all isn't it it's like at the time unbelievable TV you think oh my god now oh my god like it's welfare crisis yeah it's just but I think and I think you're really lucky aren't you I think I'm quite thick skinned like my mum would top model our school photos like on the kitchen table like I'm not even joking so what and be like this is like you haven't brushed your hair like I sent you to school lazy eye gap in your teeth no I'm like no one just fell out is she she was a model so she she's gorgeous but yeah so I feel like I have thick skin is she really I can imagine yeah she's funny but yeah so I had thick skin so I think I rose to it and I actually enjoy attention negative or positive so I was just in my element every day rowing with everyone like I was like try and stop We're in such a good year.

27:16Olivia Attwood:But I know some people said they hated it, they'd never do it again. And so I just think it's, to me, it was like, I was like, I'm off work for eight weeks. I'm living in the sun. Did you think it was going to be what it ended up being? Because you have to remember, Series 2, some of those guys now have gone on to have really good careers. But I almost felt like their careers bloomed late. So I feel like Series 2 ones that blew up, they had Instagram followers, but not like shitloads. They were doing PAs. I can't believe you were as early as season 3. Yeah, so I remember thinking my, my literal top line goals was like some more Instagram followers.

27:49Olivia Attwood:Yeah. To do some PAs would be like the dream. Yeah. Take my friends to Liquid, massive free table. Literally, that was like aspirations. Taking your friends to Liquid being the goal. Yeah, but like my PA night, like my name on the screen. And then like some free clothes. That is so funny. Like that was like as high as our... And some gifting. Yeah. Some gifting. And then little, little did we know, came out and literally signed the contract to my own TV show with Chris. it's like the two weeks after leaving that is so crazy so yeah it all happened really fast which I also I love that I got to experience that in naivety yes because now obviously there's so much expectation people have so much they want out and I think it makes people hold back totally we were unhinged because we thought we had nothing to lose little did we know we had everything to lose yeah innit but people say that that's like you can never get that back you can never get that innocence back that essence of it like people don't get me wrong that show will always be watched and always be good TV.

28:44But like people say that that's what it's lost because there's so much at stake now that everyone's like over-deeping everything. A hundred percent.

28:50Olivia Attwood:And also I feel that, you know, I think I'm unfiltered and I don't know how to put the filter on. So within a few days, I think I just forget and start behaving the same. But if I went on Love Island now, of course my brain would be like, you know what can happen. You'd be like a PR machine. You'd be like, I know what my answer needs to be here. It's like when I see the clips on TikTok sort of my series, it's like, you know, we used to sit out because we could smoke on my series. So I'd sit out there and I had the pack of fags in my hand while smoking in my underwear, not even a bikini, underwear, hoodie, no makeup.

29:24Olivia Attwood:Like we looked like we was on Benefit Street. But that's perfect. And that's so now the girlies are thinking of the contracts and they're doing the glam. I didn't wear makeup until the sun went down. Any day. By the way, how are you, like, I feel so, when I watch the girls and I'm thinking, the hair through the straighteners for the 19 ,000th time, I think, oh my God, I don't know how they're doing it. Like, fair play to them because it's exhausting. Ash, on my series, there was no hair, makeup, nails. I went to that final with three bonds in my head and one acrylic. It was... And not a single grip on life.

29:58Olivia Attwood:Yeah. I remember we were waxing each other's own assholes with strips from the supermarket on before the final. But that's magic. Yeah, it's like the memories are like forever. But we were like, those girls, we waxed each other's assholes so they could walk do you know we've paved the way for you now they get their nails done you were the foundations they have no idea I agree that is funny you mentioned your dad in the bargain bucket you grew up with your dad didn't you are you super close oh he is like I could honestly do a whole hour podcast just about my dad he is the best person in the world he's like my best mate I've just like never known anyone to be like so selfless he's the most like reasoned man ever like you could like you could kill someone and go to Phil home and go shit this is what I've done and he'd go fuck let's sit down like he's just so balanced balanced measured yeah and like he's just such a good role model for everything honestly do you think having a dad that is so like he's so steady so calm it's allowed you to be like do you know what I mean because you're like you're fun you're off the wall it's because you felt like you're safe you always have this person that's going to catch you and do you know what I actually think because I mean that sometimes you meet people that have erratic parents they're then very rigid because it's almost like they've had to be the adult do you know what I mean yeah and also I mean yeah not to get too deep into it but my mum wasn't present in our life growing up she left when I was about 13 and then I didn't I haven't seen her since wow and I think me and my dad went through so much together we were in the trenches together so I think beyond that now we're kind of like our commitment to life is just like enjoy it nothing is ever that deep and I think it's quite a nice like freeing thing to just be like we've really been in like a bad way growing up so we were like now we're just enjoying everything and he's very just like do you guys have perspective when you go through something that's truly traumatic it's like yeah like you say like life can be so much fucking worse yeah let's just have a fun it's exactly that and he's such a champion of like anything i do because i mean you know adhd central i've got a new goal a new career path i want to take every five minutes but i think because you know i wake up and i'm like do you know what i'm i'm going to be a world-renowned dj and he's like cool he's just so on board for you he's just like anything that is better than what we were in at one point in our lives good for you girl like go on so it's so nice to have him as just like he's such a rock and obviously pushing back if this is too personal but you've not had contact with your mum then since that and even now like you're in this forum she's not do you know what's funny she must have seen you on stuff yeah well how weird is this so again more law all roads lead back to x factor i fear and so when i was on x factor people must have told her or something she must have found out that i was on it the girl group i was in we were at one of the girls houses um practicing and rehearsing and her mum went ash i met your mum out today my one of the girls in the band said i met your mum her one of the girls mums whose house we met your mum said i met your mum out today just like while i was shopping I went my stomach has fallen out my ass I've gone what are you talking about bear in mind that at this point I've not seen or heard from her in at least 10 years so I went what and she got talking to this woman and turns out my mum was going around basically saying my daughter's on x-factor and I thought the absolute cheek yeah I know can you imagine I mean if it's a claim to fame i'm like good for you babe but it must be such a bizarre thing like you say to be an estranged parent and then to also then to like admit that do you not immediately say then that if they ask well how is she doing and then she can't actually answer that question exactly no and i'm like i'd be mortified if i was her like i'd have to that i wouldn't be able to like yeah say that or go there because you know deep down what the truth is yeah yeah it was very weird thank you for sharing with that with me because i do feel like it's a bit having an estranged parent i do think it's something that a lot of people more people than you think are living with that but there's a lot of shame around it and I think a lot of people find it hard to admit that because you know people probably say dumb shit to you all the time oh why don't you call her up and make up and you'll offer like their two pence do you know what the biggest thing was you only get one mum or some stupid comment like that it was actually boys I used to date that really wouldn't get it especially like mum's boys oh god yeah I had a few exes that would be like oh but you know she's your mum like are you not gonna have her at your wedding someday and I went oh respectfully like you have no idea you really don't know so yeah there definitely was a bit of that I also think it's so I guess alien with my situation because a lot of people have it the flip side yes it's the dad yeah and a lot of people I know so many mates are estranged from their dad and their mum is their rock and yeah I think sometimes it's nice to highlight the other end of it yeah because there aren't many single dads doing it.

35:25It's very true. But they should be represented, like, in a way. No.

35:29Olivia Attwood:And like you say, like, like you say, dads get a lot of bad flack. And like, you know, and there aren't, like, this, I always say on this podcast, people always think that this is like a man-hating podcast. We hate when appropriate. We hate shit men. Yeah, but I love men. There are a lot of those. And there's like my dad. Like, I'm like, I couldn't criticize that guy if I tried. Totally. So I think, like you say, it's, you know, There is a lot of rap acts. It literally is. I mean, the slogan is not all men. And it is that. And it's that. Unfortunately, yeah, it's true. There's just a lot that are rotters.

36:00Olivia Attwood:Yeah. And the bars on the floor. Totally. Like, literally. Yeah. I actually, I caught myself the other day. And I was actually like, I actually felt so, like, this is, it's actually, it's not funny at all. Like, I was, someone asked. It's not funny though, is it? It's serious. It's very serious. Someone asked me the other day, like, what a friend of mine's husband was like. And I was like, oh my God, he's like, totally nice. so I was like he's actually a good husband I was like doesn't cheat doesn't gamble that's what's so funny he's actually a good husband yeah and then actually just list off things that are basic human decencies like doesn't beat her doesn't cheat doesn't gamble like do you know what I mean I was like how are these things that I'm actually giving him credit for is actually mental yeah and then I was like because like the bar is on the floor because the bar is our little toe like them sharing up it's so bad and just being respectful semi-decent people yeah it was like keeping their dick in their pants we're like yeah he doesn't show you this one it's amazing do you know what I mean it's actually we're praising a lot of mediocrity which we should need to stop doing I fear and like you say when we do have those friends who have those partners we put on a pedestal normally the things are just bare men so they're just like but we almost get half the time all of my mates are like about my boyfriend now and my boyfriend is amazing like not shitting on him by any means but they're like god Chris is amazing and I'm like Because he's just a good man.

37:20Yeah. Which should be, that should be the default. That should be the standard.

37:25Olivia Attwood:He's a good boy. Like, come on. You call your dad. Is this right, I hope? Autistic king? Wait, so my, I don't even care. He's a big autistic king. So my dad is. Really? Right. Is your dad diagnosed or have you diagnosed him? No, I've diagnosed him. Ash, this is insane. It's a different generation. he won't do that now my dad would would never my dad was having like a mini sort of heart attack it was like 10 years ago he started to have these severe chest pains he put himself to bed to try and sleep it off like he wouldn't go to the doctor if his leg was hanging off oh yeah that's my dad let alone go and get like neurologically assessed yes so when I obviously I'm ADD my brother's ADHD and my mum and dad are like hasn't come from us as if we've got like cooties right while my dad is like organizing like toy cars on his desk into a size order.

38:20Olivia Attwood:It's very that. And you're like, the writing's on the wall, babe. Yeah, yeah. The collectible cars are on the wall. My dad's, the house at the minute is crazy towns. It's like, you know, have you ever seen the clip of that woman who hoards? And you go into her house and she's like in and amongst books and piles of files and she's like, hello. That is my dad at the minute. Like, it is crazy. And I'm like, not on the spectrum. at all no so he likes stuff lots of stuff anything in particular i know there's no like i wouldn't say there's actually a particular thing that he loves he's a huge reader to the point where like very intelligent he a lot of my like vernacular is from him okay like sometimes i'll say stuff and jack will go that is your dad the way that you said that is your dad um i mean he'd read the whole of the lord of the rings trilogy by like six years old like it's that kind of thing and you're like so yeah my dad was like building like toy airplanes and cars and his brothers used to like beat him up for it and then he like when i was younger i used to like remember going in his office and like i didn't think anything it's my dad's the opposite i said my dad is like autistic with like an ocd sprinkle okay everything's super organized super neat it's like i was talking to my dad the other day and i realized that i every time i leaned and i just like sort of touched his car he like took this cloth out and like cleaned the fingerprints off and then i kept going and then he kept cleaning and then he was like for god's sake and then it becomes a social experiment you don't think there's anything wrong with you but you have to take off the fingerprint every time i touch this car um it's so fascinating isn't it it's so interesting to observe them I find it really really interesting yeah watching my dad is like oh my god we went to we were at like a cafe recently oh his brain we were sat at a cafe and he was like this like really pondering and I was like you alright daddy and he went it's just fantastic isn't it and I was like what's fantastic he was like life it's just full of so many people and you wonder where are they going what are they doing where have they come from and I went wow Wow, that's peak level people watching.

40:33Exactly, and it's very profound if you think about it. I was like, wow, you're really spitting some bars there. He's that kind of person. There's so much going on in that brain. I'm like, wow, I'd just love to be in there for a day. I'm actually really obsessed with him. I don't know him. I'd love you to meet him. Is he jokes?

40:48Olivia Attwood:In his own way. He is. Oh God, in his quirky way, he's really funny. He's great. Talking of being funny, there's one funny hon to another. Because no one gets out of here. No one's funny without some shit going on. And if you're funny and hot, you got some law, right? This is what I say. It's childhood trauma. You got some shit going on at home. If you're funny. Has had some childhood trauma. It's like the foundation of everything. It's like that TikTok that's like, you're so funny. I'm like, thanks. My family used to have meetings about me. That's literally me. That is literally me. I always say thanks.

41:20My mum put a curse on me when I was younger. That's actually true. She left and put a curse on you. And then you're like, I'm hilarious. Like a witch curse, yeah.

41:28Olivia Attwood:when did you realise that you could make people laugh because I remember I do remember quite distinctively for me the feeling of making people laugh and how I liked that feeling yeah it was when I was at school when I was lagging behind in class okay I realised by being the class clown it deflected from the fact that I didn't know what the fuck was going on right so then I re-locked onto that because I was dyslexic and I was ADD and I was behind always and it used to stress me out but then I realised so you were like this is where I shine yeah if I can be a prat and do something and everyone laughs, it was like a feeling of validation.

41:59It's so funny. Mine's actually quite similar to that. So I think given that my home life at the time was really like turbulent. And at that time, you're just turning a teenage girl. Oh, it's such a weird, like you're growing. Your female influence is then leaving. That's really fucking hard. Yeah, and like you're hormonal and you don't really get, like you don't know yourself at all at that age. And like 12, 13, like you just got your period. Ugh, yuck. It's like body snatchers.

42:27Olivia Attwood:You go to bed like in one body and you wake up and you're like, what the fuck? Totally. Like, wow, where did these Babylon's come from? This is amazing. Oh, no, it didn't happen for me. I had to go to the doctor. No, mine was fake. I had nothing. Yeah, I had nothing. I've been thinking about doing that. Anyway, that's the story for another day. But I think it was kind of similar to you, honestly. I think my home life was so turbulent at a specific time that I think it goes one of two ways. You either really become an introvert and you are kind of so jaded by that experience that you find it hard to be an extroverted person.

43:04But for me, it went the totally opposite way. I remember there were times when I was like actually a bit terrified to go home. So for me, like school was like, I was like, oh, I'm putting on a show when I'm at school because that's like, and it wasn't even not necessarily me. It wasn't like I was putting on an act. it was that I can be my full exuberant self at school and people like it so it was very much that and then at home I was really this like shell of myself while all of that was going on so I was school was like an escape for you oh I loved school like school was like the best thing in the world for me and then like every school play I was like front and center front center jazz hands I was like this is where I'm thriving like this really makes sense to me so yeah I think it was like that around school time.

43:51Olivia Attwood:Is it true that you used to go dressed as Ali G to every non-uniform day? Everything. And why Ali G? I know it was a cult thing when we were growing up, but why? Do you know, it's funny you ask that, Liv, because I don't know. And the thing is, it worked. So I did it one day for, I think there was a World Book Day. Do you remember World Book Day? Ali G doesn't have a book. I just had the costumes. That's such a good point. It's so rogue. That's such a good point. The costume was lying around and I thought, do you know what? This might hit. So yellow shell suit. Yellow shell suit. The hat, the chain.

44:28I used the last shred of like little Maybelline eyeliner pencil that I had, two pound something, to do my drawn on beard. And I went, I reckon this is either going to go down like a lead balloon or this is going to really get everyone going. Got to school and I was really in character. It was all, you know, me Julie. Everyone. Loved it. And I went, oh God, well, if it's not broke, don't fix it. I'll come as Ali G to everything.

44:55Olivia Attwood:Do you think I was like the fourth non-uniform medical, I actually fucking come as a game? Exactly. No, they must have been not like, in that yellow shell suit. Ash, get a new gig. Like, are you an Ali G tribute act? Like, just be something else. And I was like, but it's working. I did all the sports days. No, fuck off. 400 metre sprint. I did as Ali G, no, I swear. In the tracks. And actually now, the more I think about it now, oh my God, it's weird. This sounds like, it was like a crutch for you. Yeah, I think it was. Childhood trauma. Dress up with Ali G, it's all going to be okay. The school counselor goes, oh, she's probably bad at home.

45:29Olivia Attwood:She's in the Ali G outfit again. And then I wonder, like, yeah, did maybe the faculty know at that stage? And they're like, do you know what? Bless her. Just let her go. She's going through it. Let her be Ali G. It's not even non-uniform day, but let's just leave it. Imagine me sighting glass, everyone in their blazers. With your beard on. Honestly, stranger things have happened. Oh my God, I'm obsessed. Talking of unusual things, one of my favorite clips from your podcast with Jack, you're talking about your CV. So when you kind of, post X Factor world, you're coming into the entertainment industry, but you've got the old CV going.

46:06Olivia Attwood:Yeah. And you've embellished. I've got a list of it. I have put bells and ribbons and all sorts on that CV. We've got wrestling stunt artists. my favourite is just circus that's what kills me because I don't know what that entails I don't know what that means it's the overhead yes that's the umbrella term so I think it's just anything in that sphere drag that one I can see ventriloquist yeah so is that when you put your hand inside a clown that's true that's that's the only accurate one actually on that list have you ever been booked for a job and they've called up on one of these skills and you thought oh my god do you know what it was right it was coming from like a performer world yeah you really had to throw everything at the wall and just be like I can do all these things I mean a lot of people from like musical theatre they do say that that's what you have to do and then you book the job and you find out later and you worry yeah it's the fuck around and find out like you have to just go yes I'm a ventriloquist I will figure out how to do that once I book the job.

47:18In like 36 hours time, I will have a dummy and I will have a whole gig. Totally. And I'm going to put that shit on. But right now, you just have to go for it because otherwise you're getting no gigs. You dance for Usher. Yes, that's true.

47:30Olivia Attwood:You dance for Usher. I'm going to go through some of your jobs. Yeah, go on. Wait, that's insane. Let's talk about the dancing for Usher thing. Was that pre-X or after? that was actually just before i quit like performing to do what i'm doing now in like content and social media stuff and so you dance with him on tour what was that like amazing is he nice he's everything that you think usher is going to be like he came in and we were all rehearsing and um he was doing like a little sound check and he would like started singing one of his like just ultimate usher tunes my boo i think it was everyone you know when like a pin drop everyone just went we were like oh my god usher is singing my boo right now like he sounds like jesus oh my god voice of an angel oh like he's so and he's so professional and so lovely and like at the end of the performance would be like girls thank you so much like you're he's just great oh that's really do you know it's so nice to actually hear about i know he's not a piece of shit because i know all we hear now is all our childhood icons are turning out to be terrible people and it's nice to know they're like never meet your heroes but actually meet usher unreal yeah did you get into any like crazy art parties stories any meet any like big people backstage oh well i used to work at the box well okay well i was gonna go on that was just so if people don't know the box in soho how do we it's for our gen z's who don't who are not outside how The box is a club that has...

49:05Olivia Attwood:Yeah, you work there. How do you even describe such a party house? It's basically... Oh, what would you even... It's a club. It's a club. Bar, which has live entertainment. Yes. A lot of famous people have performed at the box. It's kind of like a show nightclub. Yeah. So it's bread and butter, our performances. but they're very quirky very quirky they're very like toe the line between like there's like the line of sex and it really goes over that line it's very adult very adult x-rated promiscuous I used to do this thing where like what did you do there? oh so I was just like a dancer stage dancer and every now and again I'd be in the shows okay but not the crazy crazy town ones I was always doing choreography in the shows.

49:59So just dance in? Or generally doing like the catwalk. So before the main show starts, you do the dance catwalk.

50:05Olivia Attwood:Yeah. Okay. And everyone who's anyone has been to the box. Like every celebrity you can think of in the world has been there. Has been there. So when people are like, oh my God, what names have you got to drop? You're like, where do you want to start? Genuinely, because in its heyday, I feel like it's slightly less. No, actually. No, because wasn't Marco Robbie there? Like literally like last month I heard. With her husband and all their mates. I think it's still. It really is still that. There was one time where we were partying late into the night with Orlando Bloom. It was just everyone. Leonardo DiCaprio loved the box.

50:39Yes, he loves the box. Rihanna, Kendall Jenner, just genuinely everyone used to come in there. I remember there was a night where I was knackered. I'd done like five nights on the trot. I had nothing, no juice left in me. I'd also partied on all those nights. that's where it all went downhill for me working in that place mixing business and pleasure business was mixed with mixed with pleasure every night and that's the problem so i was like this is not good for my mental well-being but we were there one night and i was like two step in i was

51:13Olivia Attwood:like oh god please let it be over when's this going to end and all of a sudden they start playing this like big bashment music i was like it's 4am guys are we not winding down with the slow hands. Let's get these fuckers out. Right. And they went, right, Rihanna's coming in. We want you to dance for her. I went, cool. We're going to keep the club open like another two hours. And it was just like, Rihanna, Winnie Harlow, like everyone just comes in. Oh my God. Do you know what starts playing? Pour it up. Pour it up, pour it up, Rihanna's song. Now I'm dancing, like, half naked to Rihanna, to her song.

51:51I was living. To her face. were you like having

51:53Olivia Attwood:an out of body experience yes did you suddenly go into fifth gear were you like I'm awake tenth I was like this she must have been looking at me thinking who is this a weird woman gyrating in front I was like this is my time I'm dancing the high contact locked in it must have been quite uncomfortable for her you know and I just thought this is my time I'm dancing in front of Rihanna like come on you have to send it you can't half house this no otherwise I'd be disappointed in myself I'd rather be a bit weird than not. But yeah, there was like a million different experiences. Girl, you've got to write this book.

52:30You've got stories for days.

52:32Olivia Attwood:But like you say, you are now in the TV content creating space full time. When did you decide to fully make that kind of shift? And you're like, I'm going to hang up the ventriloquist dummy. Oh no, that's still there. I'll do that for you later. I'm going to put circus on the back burner. on the back burner is so funny um do you know what i think like most people that kind of fall into content and the social media space like it wasn't you just never know what the plan is because you just don't know how that kind of thing is going to go i remember like for ages i was posting tiktoks doing like dance routines and nobody i can't imagine you cared nobody i was like i'm a dance i'll just dance so i was doing like you're doing what you thought you should do yeah because it's like that's what you're you were doing that's what i do yeah like this makes sense and nobody cared minus two views it was all flop flop flop and i went okay i don't think this is for me and then one day i remember i came i think i was watching peaky blinders at the time yeah i basically was in love down boots with tommy shelby from who wasn't at the time so i did a whole rant about it and it went really viral and I went oh right like this is this is it like I just need to and it was the whole me talking to camera like that you could see up my nostrils and everyone was like I feel like I'm on FaceTime to my to like a bestie yeah and I was like oh ding ding I quite like that this style of content yeah maybe I just keep doing that and then it just kind of like spiraled and you just basically kept pushing it from there yeah and then but simultaneously also So like being a struggling dancer, but then like...

54:17Creating content. Trying to create content. And then eventually it got to a point. I really, I could have actually quit dancing earlier than I did. But I really wanted, I just wanted to feel safe and secure in it.

54:31Olivia Attwood:You wanted to be sure what you're doing. And also it's such a fickle industry. I was like, tomorrow I get no views on this video and I have to go back to the grind. That's how it works. But at least you know you've got that in you. like you're a grafter like you could you could be agile and like shift gear if you needed to and you know you can do something there's something you've got in the back locker I always think I am so grateful I lived a bit of a life before doing this and had other jobs I always think that about Love Island it's like in that I was 23 when I went on it's like I had done a lot I'd travelled the world I'd done different jobs like a lot of people that go on Love Island at like 19 they literally finish junior or they live at home there's no life before you're in this really weird life like and i was like glad that i had like you said lived before i was in this weird mirrory as well like you don't very and influence the world is weird yeah and like you know brand trips they're weird like there's nothing like there's nothing normal about going places and getting things for free and i think if you like you say if you've not lived that this isn't a sound bitchy they're the people who affects them they turn into cuesdays because they've got no reference point yeah but you say I've, you know, we've been humbled.

55:43Olivia Attwood:You've like danced in the box, your feet bleed. I've been on a racetrack in my bikini, getting heckled by like, you know, 2 ,000 men. And you're thinking I'm here for tuppence, but I had to make a living. And I think that that's why then you have perspective of like, okay, this is really fun what I'm doing. This isn't real life. Totally. It's like, this is not how, it's not a real existence, very strange, utopian existence, isn't it? It is. And I think it makes you... Appreciate it more. appreciate it differently and like come with things from a different perspective and like again kind of that nothing is this deep you know wow how amazing that we're able to film some videos and it's not lucrative yeah it's not that but it's we'll be fine if that wasn't there which is a really nice feeling to have I think definitely yeah you've got your own podcast with your best mate Jack yes you met on the X Factor as we now know what was your first impressions of him do you remember first meeting him yes i do but it was funny because we were we were rivals when we first met because you were up against fighting for that chair on six chair challenge so we but it was never that way i mean he was just this like exuberant like huge character like straight away i remember we were on this bus together on x factor and he was the one that was up and dancing and shouting over there and i was like okay yeah i found my person over there like that's who i want to go and speak to so i went over and i remember the what we bought imagine what we bonded over was do you remember sonia from was it eastenders yeah it's sonia yeah yeah somebody there was a there was a meme that said what doesn't kill you mate will make you sonia and we thought it was the funniest thing in the world and it was like game over from then we Yeah, you were just, you were just.

57:34Olivia Attwood:Yeah, I was just like, we're really getting on. You, you did, you talked on your pod recently. And I was like, we, me and you align on so many thought processes. You're talking about like the value of gay men in your life. And I harp on about this all the time because me and you, we are professional hags. And I was like, I, you know, my birthday party the other week, one of my friend's boyfriends arrived early and she was like, just go upstairs and like hang with Liv's friends. and he's like called in a panic he's like it's just like 10 gay dudes like I was like they're gonna fucking bite you and you're like yes so sink or swim bitch like get a griff literally my wedding was like a pride event like honestly and I honestly my whole life is a pride event Liv it's so tea I love it I would not have it any other way me neither and like don't get me wrong they remind me all the time but I actually dread to think how ugly and lame I'd be if I didn't have to get I actually couldn't agree more or even how cocky I'd be like because they bring me back down to earth but also build me up it's that it's like they'll build you up and then they'll be like bitch they'll also be honest like it's just it's just such a like joyful community i always say like i never feel as comfortable bear in mind i used to work in those really straight clubs every night really hetero horrible behavior all footballers and everything was derogatory and i remember feeling so oh yeah yeah and then you go to heaven in soho and it's just every queer person you've ever met going come on girl yeah but in the most respectful way ever and i'm like oh this is what like joy in existence feels like like it's just so nice yeah 100 yeah i mean it's all gay queer people but it's like my you know gay men their humor I think it aligns because it's the self-deprecation of like what they've been through yes on their journey like their bravery it's like that there's just a humor there's a there's a sort of they just say it how it is that I've always aligned with and you either get it or you don't and I've always been like that's like my language like the way they talk it I was talking before my I've got well I've got a couple of gay friends that if I tried to keep up with them on a holiday I'm going to be 10 feet under i know when i have to tap out they don't get you know one of my so one of my like main viral videos when i was like growing on socials was these gays are trying to kill me and it was after a night it's actually true though it was after a night in it was in mexico i say a night three nights in mexico i'd been to about 19 venues live i thought i can't i cannot go on any further i'd woken up in like a full pair of dior sunglasses as they're like this and i was like decrepit and i brought my phone up and i went these guys they're trying to kill me and it was so true but it was amazing amazing yeah it was just i've seen so much i've done so much i've had them like i've had mark drag me from my bed in vegas where my feet are literally blood coming from my feet and i'm like i can't go on yeah and he's like get up we're going out and i'm like they just yeah someone needs to do a like an actual scientific like test on gay men Someone needs to cut open Jack Remington's body.

1:00:50It's fine.

1:00:51Olivia Attwood:Like he needs to donate his body to science. He's AI, I think. He's AI, all made of vibranium. It's crazy, Liv. Like, you haven't done a night out like us three, have we? No, we have to. That's criminal. We have to. My best friend, Mark, after my birthday the other week, and it went on to like, we were in the strip club till 5am, right? I went to sleep. I woke up at like, I don't know, nine-ish. I literally was like, do I 999? is this the time when I actually like I'm like I need a drip I need like a not just like a one those like fancy ones I need oxygen yes I called him and he had actually gone later than me because he went to fire so he'd only been in that's the pit of hell fire oh god he said to me he was like it was a mistake but I did it and then he was I was like what are you doing rustling around is like just getting ready for the gym yeah getting ready for the gym I can't even barely lift my drink from my glass of orange juice from the side and you're getting ready for the gym it really teaches you resilience because i'm almost like now i've got so used to jack jack will be out till 7 a.m he'll have two hours sleep i'll ring him and he'll go oh i just got a lovely bouquet of flowers from the flower market i went what are you saying i can't even see he goes i'm going to spin in a minute i went what but it makes you go i'll just get up and get on with it i think i can get up and get on because is it a mindset thing hangovers are a lot of mindset aren't they sometimes you know like have you ever been on a real hangover when you've had to go to a job yeah we just talked earlier about I did something for these guys you yes right now I'm in my pajamas

1:02:31I'm in my pajamas no I've done

1:02:33Olivia Attwood:podcasts are the worst oh my god because I'm looking opposite someone for an hour and you want to be like cognitively so on no I filmed a full Christmas TV advert on No Sleep went right through and I was dressed as an elf no I looked at my agent at about four o 'clock and she goes they're running over anything festive as well when you're feeling like that I'm gonna die I'm gonna die in the studio but it is all it's all mine Jack always says positive mental attitude if you make if you wallow and sometimes you know when you have those days where you've been absolutely clarted but you've got through the day and you go I don't know how I did that but wow but you had to so like I think it's a bit of that what what do you where do you stand and do you get it anxiety not at all no i wish i knew i knew you're gonna say that jack always says to me like you could do with a bit of anxiety yeah i wish i sometimes thought oh shouldn't have said that i don't give a fuck no i'm i are it catches me once i say on the whole i don't get it and i think everything's funny and if i wake up the next day and i'm like i think about people than what i've met me when i was like a rat from hell and they're going to go to their mates oh i met live last night she's a freak yeah like and it actually wasn't my friend last night that was the devil it actually makes me laugh to think of them recanting the interactions to their mates i think also some people like some people in that mood or in like going out mode it makes them worse i think i know i'm never not i'm never like nasty on a night out or anything like that even if i'm like yeah that's so crazy I know I'm only just me times 100 which definitely I'm sure is annoying as hell I might have shown you my breasts without your consent and you're welcome so I might have done something but yeah I'm never aggy I'm never fighting and then I guess the only anxiety now that's kind of ruined it it's just that little bit of media anxiety like have an impact doing something you have to worry about that a lot more than I do that's the only thing that I get a bit of pit in my stomach like because I think do you think about do you have to like yeah I guess you do you do have to think about that I just do what I want to do but then it's more do you know what it is it's like you know like if you get pap doing something obviously you've got pap doing something terrible it's all over but it's like even if you're falling out of a nightclub or whatever things that you know I don't give a shit about it's more of the you've let other people down like you know like your team and stuff you've got people that work really hard for you and they get you lovely jobs and then you're like oh no I'm being a PR nightmare type thing and then it's like like sucking on a like a mulba red with my tit out it's like and they're like oh do you know what why do we fucking bother right honestly why are we all working seven days a week trying to build her into this mogul no but that's like being a human being my audience have stayed with me because i've never pretended to be like like i i work really hard i will have the mulba red on friday and you deserve it thank you i also think like there is something to be said for people often say to me and it sounds so prickish to say but people are like oh do you get hate on social media like how is that and I'm like I actually don't I don't get and I always felt lucky to say that me too some people are really and I know that like the internet is the most horrible unforgiving place sometimes ever but I think as you said if you just move authentically as yourself like anything bad you could say about me I've definitely already said it about myself so it kind of the audience that you build are just really with you and i also think in this and you're you're a example of this you've got to be really careful what pedestal you put yourself up on because they just want to fucking kick that thing down and that's not saying don't stand for things don't have your values but i think that people so easily fall into a trap of being pretentious online yes not having the self-awareness of like life outside of that app and then that's when they can get you because if you go I'd never do X, Y, Z well as soon as you do X, Y, Z they are coming with their pitchforks but also I think you're so similar like we're really similar in the sense that our whole thing is self-deprecation that's like I'm always ready to laugh at myself totally but I also I kind of hate that I think Brits are really unforgiving with that I unless you're basically like absolutely kicking yourself into the ground a bit and I actually think she's all that like I'm talking like taking a selfie through the billboard you're on and going, look at this ugly prick.

1:07:02Olivia Attwood:That's how you have to. You have to. You have to. Like you'll do something of this big achievement, exactly that, and I'll go, haha, I'm a beluga whale in this. And sometimes it's just the only way to be like, I swear I'm not pretentious and I don't think I'm amazing and you know what I mean? A hundred percent. I only realized the last copy is how bad it is here when I've done more work in the US. I knew you were going to say that. And I got American PR who work with an English PR office and even talking to the girls, the American girls who worked in American PR their whole lives, who then are tagged in my press clippings from the UK, even their press doesn't write about people the way...

1:07:40Olivia Attwood:Really? I mean, that doesn't surprise me. It's a very build-up culture. They don't do these snipey, mean articles. They're like reading some stuff and they're like, whoa, like it is savage over there. And I'm like, yeah, babe, you've not seen nothing yet. And also I think... Yeah, it's very, we like to, we like a public execution. Yeah, tear people off. I also think it gives us a certain type of resilience. Like it does. But I also think coming from the space that we've come from, anywhere that's reality or social media or anything like that, people just love to not. And I get it. Like some people in this sphere are dickheads.

1:08:16That is so fair. But people really like to just be like, I'm not giving you your flowers. And I wish that America was, we're a bit more like America sometimes. It's like a halfway house. not in politics but yeah in some ways in terms of just building people up and being like

1:08:33Olivia Attwood:yeah you want to do that girl go for it you know like that 100 % and then like they are happy to also like promote themselves yes when I was going to events and I'd meet people which is my worst nightmare I know because it's an English thing it's an English thing it's a female thing because one woman look bad at promoting themselves and then it's like a double layer being English but you meet people from the States and they'd be like oh hi like what do you do and they're like hey so I'm Molly and I was a model and I was also on this and I was on the Farbs and they'll be like what do you do and I'll be like a bit of this yes a bit of that and then my PR I was like fucking oh you said yeah I'm like what do you do read my CV but that's what they do and we just don't circus and I'm like I'm like thinking ventriloquism yeah just overhead circus yeah totally yeah it's a it's a very oh babe as in like I remember the first time I went to LA oh they're on another league of their own on the west coast oh totally as in like yeah there is something to be said for that.

1:09:27But I remember that I was talking to this girl at the bar and she was like, hello, I'm the head director of drinks. No, head director of beverages. And I went, tea? She was the bartender. That's fine. But she was just... But she... I went, good for you. She gave it a... She said, I am not happy with bartender. No, I'm head of beverages. I am the director of beverages. I went, good for you. We could learn something from that. She was bigging herself up and I was like, that's so nice to be able to do that because we're always just like... I know. Oh, no.

1:09:59Olivia Attwood:I could have literally won, like, an NTA and I'd be like, oh, I'm trying telling. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, that's how I would introduce myself. I'm giving it a go. I'm having a go. I'm crap. It's crap. It's mad. Like, I'm actually like, oh, have I ever seen my shows? They're crap. Don't watch them. Yeah. Like, that's literally how I... If I'm at a dinner party, I'd be like... That's exactly what I do. And it's like, oh, what do you do? Oh, babe, long story. Ask the next person. hard to do i wish i wish that the internet and just everyone in general was a little bit more forgiving of us just wanting to build ourselves up a little bit more within reason obviously yeah you make such a valid point right your tiktoks one of the things that blew you up was your random takes on things which are just so brilliant so i want to play this game if i give you some just random things okay i just want your hot take okay okay it's like love hate whatever comes to mind the boo-boos disgusting burn them all that is hideous oh and who made them cool i don't understand you live we're having a chat after this hideous but what but what what purpose do they serve to me I loved all their teeth and their little hands fur covered gremlins what's not to love?

1:11:25to me and I see them I had a nightmare once yeah they're scary there was an uprising of them and they were all like

1:11:32Olivia Attwood:I've got one of the massive ones like that in a box it's oh my god what? do you not find them a bit scary? no you love them I've had to take a break from them they're all in a box like because I just it came to a point where they were dominating too much of my life and my, like, it became like... And your break space? Yeah, and it became like, it was like the boo-boos and then me. I needed to be main story again, so I just had to... Who am I without my le boo-boos? No, I was just like, they are the add-on to me, not the way around, but yeah. I do like... You need to remember who Liv was before the boo-boos.

1:12:04Olivia Attwood:But also, I like, like, crap. Okay, crap. I've been to New York maybe, like, literally 15 times in my life and every time I leave, then I love a New York t-shirt and a pencil. Like, I just love, like, I love stuff. But I quite like that. I quite like that kind of thing. I like a bit of like, you know, like when things are really... Do you like TK Maxx? I love a rubbish. I love TK Maxx. I love TK Maxx. I love going shopping for something I don't need. Yes, same. That's my favourite purchase. I think the greatest joy of TK Maxx is you never go in, you have no idea what you want from the place You don't need anything, actually.

1:12:34before you get in there and all of a sudden, a vase, a hair appliance, two pairs of shoes and a platter to serve some charcuterie on. It's amazing. And some of those

1:12:42Olivia Attwood:microblading things that are blunt that you get by the checkout that you're going to shave your heart and you're going to cut your face with. Don't use those. For legal reasons, do not use those. Men who love bomb.

1:12:57Me, love. Love it. I love love. Yeah, I, which is really funny because every relationship that I had pre my partner now, I was love bombed and it was horrendous.

1:13:10Olivia Attwood:As in horrendous because like they love bomb and then they change gear and you're like oh they all hated me they all wanted me dead but they all said that I was the best thing since sliced bread and I was like couldn't agree with that you're eating it up you're like you're so right but they were all chatting rubbish yeah but I really love love I yeah I because my friends have had to sit me down for many meetings do you like it? love it yeah like if I meet someone once and next time I meet them they've got my name tattooed on their neck I'm like obsessed but also powering numbers this is a red flag you should be scared but I like it.

1:13:45Olivia Attwood:Yeah. But I know it's wrong. I also think like statistically for every love bomber that doesn't mean it one will mean it. That's so true. That's girl math. All you have to do is get traumatised nine times and one of them will actually genuinely love you. You hold in there. I've got this. Type B personalities. Love. Babe. Win, win, win, win. because I'm a bit of a unicorn in the sense that I'm a type A ADHD okay you charging your phone in your car is I know is insane would you go to the airport not checked in for your flight I never check in for flights oh my god I'm going to be sick ever if I didn't know where I was sitting 48 hours before I left the country I'd have a panic attack like really?

1:14:33Olivia Attwood:I did not expect that from you that's really really surprised me my chargers are in a box and the cords have little velcro things around so they're not all... Ew, no. Really? You would, you'd hate to travel with me. My sister's type B, her, when she, the other day we were traveling together, she opened her suitcase and she asked me to chuck her some clean knickers. Well, I pulled out three dirty pairs. I was just so, I swear, I nearly bit me and I put my hand in the suitcase. I honestly, it was crawling. A rodent. And then my suitcase, we were arguing, it's like in pouches, the days are numbered.

1:15:07Olivia Attwood:Liv, I'm so shocked. That is not at all what I thought. can you believe that that I'm like that I'm really surprised by that what am I like Grace? Freak that's really you would hate to travel with me so I but a lot is weird a lot of my friends are like you so I think those kind of people I just can't live like that because my ADHD needs everything in the as in I will get to get on the plane phone's not charged no power bank and so I've had to just raw dog a flight before where I've just looked out the window. As in I've just gone, For how long? And hours. And I just thought, well, we're all getting from A to B.

1:15:52You're just having a slightly nicer time doing it, but it's fine. No. It's bad, isn't it? Yeah. I know, Jack, that time when I did that, Jack was like, why are you just looking around? What else are you meant to do? What else am I meant to do? I'm taking in the sights and the scenery. I did nothing else to do. Four hours of clowns. and about nine baggers of nuts.

1:16:13Spin classes. Hate. Oh my God. I'm not one for a bike. Why am I gyrating on this bicycle and not getting anywhere? Hate it. And I love fitness. Yeah. I'm a big fitness girlie, but I just can't get behind spin. I don't know why. I've tried to make myself like it.

1:16:31Olivia Attwood:When it first popped off years ago, I remember I went to a few classes and wanted to be a spin girlie. I can imagine you being a spin girlie. in your little fitness headband. Just in the like, yeah, and it was, the seat hurts my butt. Why are they so rock hard? They are literally made out of concrete. It's like they want you to be in pain. Totally. That's what I think. I just, humiliation ritual again. Yeah. Holiday romances. Oh, 100%, 10 out of 10 any day. It's amazing. There's nothing better, is there? Yeah, the bar's in hell on holiday. So like, you'll be like, this is the love of my life and that man is Gollum when you get home.

1:17:05But, can be wanted by Interpol,

1:17:06Olivia Attwood:don't care exactly chasing the night oh 100 % I chase the fucking legs off it all the time you know what you are right I taste it like a dog on heat I do believe that good things happen after 2am but there's there are those nights when I wake up and I'll turn to my friend and I'll be like should have wound that in a couple of hours earlier I'll tell you the only time I say that is when I've chased the night with people that I don't rate yeah and you're like why have I yeah If I've chased the night with my mates. And you've laughed all the way. And I think, I just love that I've spent all that time with you.

1:17:43Yes, we went to every bar and it was shit. And like nothing quite panned out the way we wanted it to. But I've done it all with people I like. Yes. Fine. If I've chased the night with weirdos, which I have done before, hate.

1:17:57Olivia Attwood:But also, you notice when I was talking about chasing the night. I think people think of chasing the night as in like, you're trying to make it fun. to me chasing the night is I'm having so much fun I don't want it to end yeah I refuse I will go from a gay bar to a strip club to a brothel if I have to totally and I'll just pay a girl to chat because I don't want to go to a gay chill out I will go and go and go as in like we're just prolonging fun people are like oh you're doing your check you're trying to make something that's shit but it's like I'm having a great time yeah we're just trying to keep it going just want to have fun clean girl aesthetic you look like clean girl today do I you look like print yeah I don't actually want to say I hate this I hate parts of clean girl aesthetic but there are parts of it that I'm like if that's your bag then like good for you but I do like messaged it when I'm seeing like because I feel like I never gave up on it so I'm glad it's coming back in fashion when I see like 2000 era party girl sheets coming back I'm like yes let's put the makeup on and let's get the hair blown out.

1:19:02Olivia Attwood:I don't want to see any more slip-back buns. I'm over it. I'm also like, let's not judge what anyone's doing. If your bag is, you know, people are like, I just like a lick of mascara. Go for it. Amazing, I'm going to be coming to the venue in drag. Do you know what I mean? And that's also fine. Yes. So let me do that, and you can come in your slip-back bun. That's fine. Absolutely fine. Traction alopecia, though, they have to be aware. Yes, you're right. It's a hidden... I got told to stop putting mine in those tight buns in the gym oh my god the way I have pulled some buns out of my hair when I'm drunk we have little ball patches I know it is bad it's those bungees yes they'll get you when you are drunk they will get you they'll get you yeah it's taking them out when you get in and you pull half of your panicked out all I want is it out like I can't everyone's like just sleep in it I could never it has to come out yeah I agree I don't want this to end but I've had such a good time The preparation to production, they're like, it has to end.

1:20:00Olivia Attwood:It has to end. It has to end. Well, that's why we need to go on a night out. Okay, so we're going to go out. I'll report back in a solo at what goes down. Well, you need to tell me a day where you're bloody free. Yeah. Well, nights are good for me. Oh, brilliant. Okay. Days are normally a problem. Nights are fine. And I'll just, you know, the next day, I'll just raw dog it. I'm sorry whoever's got me booked the next day. I'll have an out of ash. Because I'll be coming straight. We actually really are overdue. Oh, no, we have to do it. Okay, we are going to put it in. Before you go, I want to know who you think needs a membership to Olivia's house.

1:20:31Olivia Attwood:Who should be in the club, in the hot seat, who I haven't had that you think. Have you had Katie Price on this hot seat yet? I haven't had her in here. Should I have her in? I think there's so much to achieve with her right now. It's so true. I had her on my old pod. I have not had her in here. I think I need to see her in here. I think you do. And the thing is, she's also lived so many lives even since then. There's so much to talk about. I think there's so much to talk about. It's like from week to week, you never know. So I think she needs to be in the seat. And last time I only got on half an ep because the fire alarm went off.

1:21:01Olivia Attwood:We all got a backuit from the building and she left and didn't come back. So it was half an ep. It was a cold end. I had to come back on. How did you end it? What did you say? Hi guys. She was like, oh, we can go back in. She was like, I've got to go. I'm late for something else. And I was like, but we've not. She's gone. A businesswoman first. Again, if anyone else did that to me, I'd be up the wall. But I was like, do you know what? I was like, if she wants to go, she goes. You're right. she's looking for her husband that is really funny your husband is coming and who are we banning? JK Rowling so fair she's not for the queer community we can't have her on this seat I don't think we'd vibe no what are we going to talk about?

1:21:45exactly she's only got one thing on her mind and that's Harry Potter babe do you know what I mean? we can't we can't she's banned

1:21:53Olivia Attwood:yeah before you go can we tell the people yeah what's in the pipeline okay circuses off the table right ventriloquism definitely will be happening okay so that's did on fun whimsy myself and Jack we have our podcast yes which we are hoping to do a live tour situation show whatever that may transpire to be that's exciting so basically okay I'm coming to that I'm coming to that and then we go out afterwards oh perfect yeah oh Ash for the best time I love you. I love you. I've got sweaty hands because I'm in your bloody life. It's because I've got 25 million likes on set. Guys, if you enjoyed this, make sure you like, subscribe, comment, and I'll see you next time.

1:22:35Olivia Attwood:Thanks for having me, darling. Yay! Yeah, woo!

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