Grace Campbell Reveals Near-Death Experience, Embarrassing Alastair Campbell & Kinky Texts!

23:59Olivia Attwood:I am tabloid fodder. But, and with some of my things about myself that aren't true, I'm like, oh my God, this is just like so fat. But everything I read about everyone else is true. It is so true. So I have the actual inside track to know that, like, take this with a massive pinch of salt. But if it's not about me, I'm like, wow. But you forget that as well. You just forget that. And I'm locked in. I love it. Crucial piece of information. Like, when you're doing your own critical thinking about other people, yeah, like, obviously that's true. we're here now let's fucking talk about the Beckham let's just fucking we're here now we might as well where were you when you read Brooklyn's we all have that dream trip we've been wishing we could go on but too often life or usually price gets in the way that's why Priceline is here to help you turn your dream trip into reality with up to 60 % off hotels and up to 50 % off flights you can book everything you need for your next adventure don't just dream about that next trip book it with Priceline Download the Priceline app or visit Priceline.com and book your next trip today.

25:34Stories. So this is so... I'll always remember where I was. This is hilarious.

25:40Olivia Attwood:In what time did they go up? It was the evening on Monday. So I was in bed and I was having like just a little self-care doom scroll. And I was actually in my DM request, which I don't normally go into too much because it's got this all kinds of stuff in there. and people were sending me you know it says like someone sent a story someone's like and I was thinking oh my fucking god I was thinking someone's like gone off on me like why are all my these people that don't know me sending me a story literally just opened the first one this like random girl I love that these people are really looking out for you like we need Olivia to know about the news literally just don't know you at all but I just felt this would be important to you yeah I was like my followers know me so well yeah and time stood still yeah time stood still my friend texted me being like she's like she's really online and she was like oh my god broken back up and i was like oh my god broken back up's dead i like googled it and i was off instagram that day so i had to redownload the fucking app and then my other like gen z friend texted me being like i bet all of your all of your millennial group chats are going crazy right now and i was like yeah literally like it's all we could talk about I want to hear your theory but I sat in a hotel like two weeks prior and I said I want to tread carefully because if Victoria ever wants to come on the pod I would love to have you but I found we love you Vivi I found both their documentaries I think I was the only person that didn't really I found them really conceited I was a bit like he's dropped one that's just like you know and then she's dropped another and they've obviously had edit control they just they made me feel a little bit sick also being in this industry like you hear rumours about their marriage is not what it looks like.

27:20Yeah, I mean, I've been hearing rumors since I was like a child.

27:22Olivia Attwood:It's like the worst kept secret. Yeah. There is rumors everywhere, obviously, but the one I heard the most that's swirling around is that Victoria made Nicola cry at the wedding. I was like, he's going to blow soon. Like, he's going to either go on a podcast or a TV show. And so when that statement came out, I was like, straight to Scarlett and Chloe. I was like, fucking, I told you. He's in a pressure cooker and he's fucking lost it. I also think, like, I had this argument with my friend and then I was like, guys, we've got to not be arguing about this situation. I know tensions are high right now, but we cannot fall out about...

27:56You're like, let's not turn on each other. But I was, like, having this debate where my friend was just like, I feel like Nicola's clearly really controlling and talking about the Anwar Hadid thing and how Yolanda has said, like, when she was with Anwar. And I was like, I think ultimately, regardless, mum-in-laws are allowed to hate their son's wives that's just like life you know every fucking rom-com about a wedding ever has like a mother-in-law who doesn't approve the bride whatever get over it but i also think they're grown adults why haven't they managed to correct this situation yeah before it got to a point of him doing this statement and and and spilling all of this like really private information about the dancing about the dancing and the dress and like it's like too much detail

28:41Olivia Attwood:like there was too much detail and also I feel like the stuff he said was quite scathing like you know the Beckham brand comes first you must throw innocent people under the bus it was very Prince Harry coded yes but then what happened was I think the dancing and the dress thing made it then like comedy yeah and obviously interns gone nuts at the idea of Victoria just throwing it down at the wedding so then it's almost like the AI videos I've seen are fucking unbelievable I see it from like It's two power drunk families who both want to be the most, which is so fucking sad that your kids are getting married, but I feel like they both want to be the...

29:19But this is kind of like, why don't people just deal with their own shit without letting it bleed onto their kids? It's like, it sounds so... The whole situation sounds really immature. You're all really rich. It's like such rich people problems. And also it's like,

29:32Olivia Attwood:Bram Beckham, probably growing up around that was fucking weird and he might have feelings, but also it's like, yeah, it's all right to now throw brand Beckham under the bus. When you're married to a billionaire. Billionaire. Because if he had just married for love, he wouldn't be doing any of this. No, because he'd need to be in the... Because he'd need money. And also, let's be so real, like, he's, like, got this cute little moony face, but, like, he... She wouldn't look twice at him. No, no, 100%. Do you know what I mean? He's got like... Like, she's not giving a fuck about him. No. Like, being a sort of, like, billionaire-ess if he's not a Beckham.

30:05Olivia Attwood:So it's like, I think there's, like, context to all of it, isn't there? How sort of much do you think they're talking about the situation in America? I think a lot. Yeah. Yeah. I was just imagining the Beckham household that night. I know. Again, would do anything. If those Netflix cameras weren't rolling, someone needs to be sued. Would do anything. Do you think they're going to say anything? Is my question. I don't think they will. I think that's quite clever. I don't think it's anything they can say. But, obviously. And he's obviously in a position where like, this could just go back and forth.

30:37Olivia Attwood:Also, one thing I will say about that pisses me off and you just touched on it there and I found myself getting annoyed when I was reading the comments. It's just the narrative that like, so even if we think Brooklyn's a complete dick, the blaming, like saying, oh, Nicholas, I wrote this. We love, just give a grown man accountability for a statement he put out. We love. And also in it, he said, it's so crazy that you're all saying I'm just being controlled by my wife. It's like he wrote it. Okay, but it's like this narrative that women are always like, yeah, like somehow, look, she might be controlling.

31:08Olivia Attwood:Maybe she is, but it's like that we, they always get off scot-free. It's just like a thing, like that culture of like shifting blame is so exhausting. Well, it's so sexist. It's so, it's such an easy cop-out to blame a villainous woman. Yeah. Like, yeah, no, totally agree. But talking of Nepo babies. Yeah, because what I was going to say just on this was, I've had so many media requests in the last two days of people being like, would you come on to talk about the Brooklyn Beckham situation? and I'm like, guys, I think you've got on the really wrong end of the stick here.

31:44I was cracking up. Like the BBC asked me to be in some big documentary they're doing and I was like creasing. They've not wasted any time. I know literally I was like, not a way in hell am I going on and making this situation about myself. Also, I said it to my parents. They were laughing. They were like, that's so funny as if they think that we control you. You've been controlling us since you were a child. I was like I've been controlling you and I've made the family brand significantly better so

32:13Olivia Attwood:but let's bring the listeners up to scratch because we for our younger listeners we had to educate our little our baby Grace earlier because she's 22 years old so Alice Campbell he worked side by side with Tony Blair for years big player when the Labour Party were in power previously how did you handle that through school and well I just didn't care but I think also So I was quite lucky because he had left by the time I got to secondary school. Fine. So my brothers definitely got more of the like, you know, I was smoking weed like from 12 years old, like Little Legend, Bob Marley loving, kind of like 420 celebrating.

32:50Like I didn't give a shit. I was like, you know, I lived in Camden. I was just like wacky backy. But that's because he, he, Labour was still in power. So it did matter. And my mum really did try and instill the fear of God in me. because you know I've taken a lot of drugs I'm not gonna lie I don't take drugs really anymore but I used to I grew up in Camden and we were like middle class kids in a state school we thought we were fucking sick and skins was on tv do you know what I mean it was like MD MCAT skins had a negative effect on my oh my god it normalized so much I was saying to an American person yesterday I was like I grew up thinking like everybody takes drugs on the weekend like that's really what I thought and that was because of skins yeah um so so but my mum like sat me down one day and was and was really trying to be scary what is it like because of what your dad does yeah and this is gonna be so right and because the daily mail hates my dad like the tabloids hate him because he's he's really gone for them quite a lot in his career and so she was like you know you need to be really careful and actually the sun newspaper when i was 15 someone took a picture of me smoking like a massive spliff at house and they sent it to the sun and what's that ginger lady who used to go out of Ross Kemp?

34:03Rebecca Brooks. Do you know that? You remember the one?

34:06Olivia Attwood:Rebecca Brooks. She used to go out of Ross Kemp, ginger curly hair. She was a lot in the phone hacking News of the World scandal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know him. She emailed my dad just saying, FYI, someone sent in this picture of your daughter smoking a spliff. We're not going to publish it because she's 15, so we would get sued. But just FYI, she needs to be more careful. And obviously I was gutted because I was like, I'd love that. That would be amazing. I would be more famous now if that had happened. That would have advanced my public profile. You're like Prince it. Yeah, it was like, challenge accepted.

34:34Okay, I'm going to try and try and try again to be in tabloids. What was your parents' reaction to that? I mean, they were just like, oh, whatever. I'm the youngest child. I'm such a cliche in every way. Do you know what I mean? Three of us, two brothers and then me. But I'm such a cliche. Like, I used to just get in trouble all the time. I got arrested when I was 15 for shoplifting in American Apparel. It's such a cliche.

35:00Olivia Attwood:Oh my god, American Apparel. Yeah, it was so easy to shoplift him. I loved that store. Yeah, because they didn't have tags on the clothes. Is that why they're out of business? If that photo had been published, how do you think that would have been received by your dad? Would it have had an effect on him, career-wise? Yes. But yeah, because there was one of Tony Blair's sons, the story was the night he got his GCSE results he got so fucked he got arrested in Trafalgar Square and that was a big problem for like for the Labour Party because that stuff it's like and then the drugs so my dad would have been angry I remember when I was younger I like had had loads of people around I thought my parents were away and they came back early and there was someone smoking a spliff in my parents garden my dad like grew up in Yorkshire and and like didn't My mum grew up in London and she knew that people just smoke weed.

35:52It's quite normal. My dad had never seen anyone smoking weed before. So he pushed this boy up against the wall and started screaming at him and was like, how dare you take drugs in my house? Go off, Alistair. And Anna, my best friend, was like, Alistair, Alistair, calm down. It's just marijuana. It's acting like he's shooting up. Yeah, literally. He's just a virgin when it comes to drugs. I've told him he should try it. But it sounds like he could do with a spliff. totally i think he'd love some micro dosing mushrooms i think that would do really good um but so yeah so i don't know if it had much of an effect on my fear and more on your brothers i think them definitely and also in terms of sort of people having um opinions of me in such a severe way from when i was like five years old i think made me want to develop a really strong individual personality and that's why I was like I'm gonna be like really unique and make sure that like hopefully people will like me regardless because I still get it all the time I mean in stand-up I've got a list in my phone of like all of the comedians in my career who have like said really nasty things to me during or during before or around when I'm working with them and they just disliked you basically because of who your dad was yeah and I think it's a really easy low blow for them to undermine any of my success it's like well you know you're it's either undermining my success you're only successful because of who your dad is or it's like your dad's a war criminal and then i'm like well both of those things like aren't me i'm like so yeah what if either's like what you're meant to do just not like you're meant to go into hiding because your dad yeah and it's also i just think like i was eight nine years old like i don't i think the association feels like really low frequency from them.

37:41So I just don't engage that much. But I've got a really long list and one day I'm going to write a memoir. Like Kathy Burke's just written the most. Have you read Kathy Burke's memoirs? No. She full names the people who wronged her in her career. Wait. Full name describes people.

37:55Olivia Attwood:And how do you legally get that over the line? Because it's true. So she just writes her experience. She just says like, you know, she'll just like full name situations that happen and she'll be like, I fucking hated that guy. He did this. He was so rude to me on this set and just doesn't even change their name. I'm obsessed with it. And I'm obsessed with the fact that you're like me, a petty queen. Oh my God. We both have this. No, I do. And I think one day when I don't have to pay lip service to certain people, like, yeah, like people that have like done, yeah, really horrible things. And I've had to just kind of, yeah, wear it because you've got to play the fucking game.

38:27And I think it's time as well. Like, I don't think you need to say everything at the time. That's actually really sometimes the wrong time. But timing is key. And once you know that you're not, once you know that you're not beholden to certain people then you just go in for the kill and then they're defenceless as well. Because they're like, and they'll go,

38:46Olivia Attwood:oh, I've matured so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm an addict. That is my one thing where I want to have a full-blown argument with Michelle Obama about we go, they go low, we go, no, fuck that. No, no, no, no. Fuck that. I'm down in the dirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't fucking do any of that shit. I've got an Etsy witch out putting a hex on you right now.

39:13Olivia Attwood:This episode is brought to you by the film Wuthering Heights. Okay, so everyone's talking about the must-see film this Valentine's Wuthering Heights and it's got me thinking about love back then versus now. It's changed a lot, hasn't it? Back in the day, romance was all about yearning, slow-burning passion and a bit of drama. Well, today, thanks to dating apps, it's a lot more fast, casual and sometimes a little bit meh. I mean, think about it. Imagine writing a letter and waiting weeks for a reply versus getting left on read after three minutes on WhatsApp. Travelling days and nights to declare your love compared to a video call that takes seconds.

39:48Olivia Attwood:Well, this Valentine's, if you want to bring back a bit of old school yearning, there's no better way than losing yourself in a beautiful, intoxicating, heart-wrenching love story on the big screen. Wuthering Heights is directed by Academy Award winning filmmaker Emerald Fresnel and stars Margot Wobbe and Jacob Elordi. Plus features original songs from the brilliant Charlie XCX. Whether you're taking your other half or seeing it with your friends, get ready for laughter, tears, and a lot of romance. Wuthering Heights is in cinemas on February the 13th, so make sure you book your tickets now.

40:23Olivia Attwood:Me and a friend were talking about this in the industry, and I won't name him because you might not want to be credits to this conversation, but are this like the immediate people are really, there's an epidemic of like people that were just absolute say fucking arseholes like five or six years ago now coming on podcasts like telling people how to be like good people I'd rather just arseholes just were like they have a bit of an arsehole yeah yeah it's such a like or like oh I was like that because this that and the other it's like I can explain my way out of why I was a bitch on Love Island sometimes but ultimately I was just an immature little bitch yeah and you I hate these people, this culture of everyone trying to outdo each other to be the best person.

41:04But this is why it's like, all I want to do is when I'm old and writing my tell-all memoir, is look back and think, I was always myself. I was never horrible to anyone, like intentionally. I was definitely maybe a drunk **** sometimes. And sure, I get in fights with my best friends when we're playing games. Yeah, like I'm really competitive. and yeah I will throw chips at their faces but that's the same but only my best friends who I know like are never going anywhere I would never like be I always try and make sure like my side of the street is clean I'm so nice to all the comedians who have been mean to me because I'm like one day I'm gonna fuck you all up but I'm not gonna give you anything bad to say about me and I think that's the thing it's like it's like that sort of but then but being like yourself

41:52Olivia Attwood:how did you find the sort of like Because I guess this is something that a lot of people could apply to their own workplace or friendship group. How did you find the confidence to keep showing up when people have tried to undermine you and humiliate you? Score more with the college-branded Venmo debit card and earn up to 5 % cash back with Venmo Stash. Got paid back? With the Venmo debit card, you can instantly access your balance and spend on what you want, like game day snacks, gear, tickets, and more. The more you do, the more cash back you can earn. Plus, there's no monthly fee or minimum balance.

42:21Olivia Attwood:Sign up now at Venmo.com slash college card. The Venmo Mastercard is issued by the Bancorp Bank NA. Select schools available. Venmo stash terms and exclusions apply at venmo.me slash stash terms. Max$100 cash back per month. Bite. Out of spite. Because it fuels me more. You know exactly that feeling. It's like whenever I know someone's chatting shit about me, I'm like, great, that's going to keep me going for the next week. Like, I'm going to wake up and be motivated now because I want to prove to you that you're wrong and that you're an idiot and I'm better than you, basically. and you shall have the last one but you know what I mean it's a bit like rejection rejection makes me want to like push myself loads to prove myself which isn't necessarily really healthy but sometimes it's good to be driven by these forces you like you say you can use that either way it can use you to scare you into just like submission and being like actually just want to remove myself from trying to like you know succeed in this space or like you say it can drive you yeah and that's way more fucking useful and powerful than the first option.

43:25I do think, I just think like, I mean, do you know what? I'm doing this really amazing work with like a life coach at the moment on how... Are you? Honestly, I'm insufferable.

43:38Olivia Attwood:I am racking up fucking bills at the moment. I swear to God. Go on, tell me. But one of the things that like, because I've done loads of therapy in my life and I feel like I kind of like have therapised my life to death. But one of the things I really want to learn on learn to do is kind of like in situations where I feel I'm like someone's trying to undermine me and because a lot of the time people are whether it's conscious or not are trying to undermine you because you're triggering something in them you're triggering an insecurity or they feel that you don't deserve whatever is going on it's none of your business like they have their own shit going on but how do I sort of not let that like bleed onto me and the one of the things I'm really trying to do at the moment is just feel so I try and feel so peaceful and secure in myself that like however someone feels about me really is none of my business and that's and obviously that's easier said than done but I'm really trying to work on that that's like one of my favorite kind of sayings of all time really and I think I've talked about it on this pod before but if like if you can master that do you feel you you can I feel like I am in the exact career and job I'm born to be in because I feel like I I adapt to that kind of philosophy quite well like you know like my friends who work in like I hate using the term regular jobs but you know I mean they're like oh my god peasants yeah they'll be like I couldn't stand one day in your life and I'm like yeah because the way you're thinking about it yeah it would fucking like it would eat you alive and that's why some people come with reality tv shows and stuff like they just self-implode because you do have to like have a really good relationship with that that motto like and with yourself yourself and be good at backing yourself and sort of staying true and consistent to yourself and what your needs are which is hard and also it's hard it's like when you get known and you're you're the same it's like your people know and love you for authenticity but then when people start berating you you almost i can catch myself almost start self-editing and I think, no, I'm not going to let you push me into a box because then that's when...

45:42Olivia Attwood:You're the only people in this industry I can think of and people go, oh, they're so fucking vanilla. They're so boring. I think you've been in this industry for 10 years. Being fucking vanilla is just a way to survive. So if you want interesting people, you want people who are dynamic and are flawed, stop fucking criticising them on the internet every fucking day. That is so true. Thank you. That is really, really true. Do you know what I mean? No, it's so true. because it's like I read so many memoirs of like people who were like famous like in other eras of time like Hollywood sort of like stars and musicians and stuff and there are some real authentic people now 100 % but there are also some really like media manufactured people and you think this is the result of living in a media culture where people are scared of having any opinions of going astray look at how dull all British politicians are now because like anyone who thinks about doing it is like, no, fuck that.

46:35Look at the way that you get treated by the media. I mean, you can't even buy a fucking egg and cress sandwich from Pratt without people being like, the expenses, like, the expenses scandal. And then we've got really boring people like Keir Starmer running the country because he's so dull.

46:49Olivia Attwood:That man is Luke Hall. He's so dull. He really, I know. He constantly looks, like, in an interview, I hope this is not getting too political because it's not a political stance where anyone starts trying to accuse me. No, he's just his personality. I always feel like when he's on an interview, he looks like someone's just dragged him there and he's like no idea and he's holding in a fart he's like yeah and like that like that he walked into that room the other week and tripped over his own feet and I was like oh dude like fucking he's like an in-betweener yeah he's like a grown up in-betweener being in fucking Downing Street he's a fucking geek but I think that point is so so true we're losing flair and we're losing like realness and I think the internet has a mass spot to play in that as well and like everybody's merging into different versions of another person that we know and so I think pushing that like real sort of like authenticity is amazing and actually there's so many people like Lily Allen like look at like how amazingly successful her album was and that was the most fucking true to her voice and style and everything it could have been I think the pendulum is swinging back I hope like slightly and I think like it's like a it's a reaction to like you say so many years of people just being vanillaised.

48:02Oh yeah, I can't believe he went on Pete Wicks' podcast. He will not go on my dad's podcast. And then I was like, did you see? I said to my dad, I was like,

48:08Olivia Attwood:did you see he went on Pete Wicks' podcast? He was like, I'm safe here because Pete found out who I am yesterday. Lovely. He was like, he cannot trip me up. His team's like, this is going to be fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just... Oh my God. I'm just like, Pete going into Dan's with all his jewellery on. He's like six packets of fags. My dad was like, who is Pete Wicks? and I was like, because my dad's been trying to get Kisselma on his podcast since he started. He couldn't believe it. Talk about picking your opponent. He's like... And then, yeah, apparently he dropped that as like a bit of a...

48:43Olivia Attwood:Yeah, because he's quite proud of it. Have you seen him when he was young? He was fit. Really? No, I don't think I have. He was really fit. He did look amazing. And he was a human rights lawyer. And he was a human rights lawyer. But Helen Fielding never dated him or anything, the writer of Bridget Jones. but I think it was like you know there was this hot human rights lawyer but they never knew each other and I once asked Helen that and she was like I mean he likes to say that so whatever like he can have it he can say it's true it's like the most interesting thing about him yeah oh shit daddy what the fuck yeah that that picture is unreal so just a reference my producer's just that she showed us a picture of young Keir Star he was fit okay yeah he would get it what the fuck and he kind of looks like a bit like Colin Firth like a young Colin Firth he does Yeah.

49:30He's got a good... Yeah, he's got a great bone structure. Then I started thinking about heated rivalry. Sorry, I then started thinking about heated rivalry because I was thinking about Connor's story for heated rivalry.

49:41Olivia Attwood:You've got to watch it, Liv. It's unbelievable. My brother says he's on my list. Also, the internet doesn't let people... We're not allowed on the internet to exist in the middle or the nuance. It's just like, it's your this or that. So people keep going, oh my God, that people are being forced into like you know watching extremist content whether it's like you know left or right stream but the insect doesn't allow anyone just to like exist like they're like they want to box everyone it's like everything's so extreme like you they want your stance to be so black and white and it's not healthy it's not actually normal i know and i and also it's like i have so many versions of myself all the time like we all do they'll take such a jump it's like I don't know it would be like I don't know but that's why I think it's almost again like I have a really weird relationship with the internet because like it doesn't make me feel amazing a lot of the time but then I but then sometimes it does and then I know it I live in this like world where I have to exist with it and work with it but then also I'm like oh I feel like sometimes I feel like am I just like pretending to like you know what I mean it's like sort of wanting to be I don't know I have this thing of like because such a big part of what I do is like Instagram and TikTok.

50:53Olivia Attwood:It's that, it's like, it's so sad, isn't it? It's like, if I'm ever doing anything, I feel like guilty if I'm like not creating content. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Which is actually such a sad way to exist because also it's like, I was talking to my life coach about this. He was like, you know, you need to go on like an amazing. You should do a follow up episode with both our life coaches. He's so sick of my shit. It actually blows my mind that he's male, like someone liked me to listen to a man. Yeah, but that's quite nice. Is he a clever man? Very smart. do you know what it was you just went therapy there I've done therapy over the years in different shapes and forms and I actually I got to that point where I don't I actually don't want to talk about my parents my siblings childhood I actually just I like very pragmatic like do you know what he the reason I liked him because he's a psychiatrist as well it's like so if I'm talking to him and I'm like yes I don't know I feel like I was having a panic attack I let someone go do you know what happened it's like this chemical rush to the frontal lobe like really science it up for me so I can think of things in a very like practical way actually works a lot better on me than that was probably your child wound crying because you saw I was like no I need I want like the kind of in the now I think sometimes therapy is so much like time travelling which is amazing if you kind of haven't processed a lot of stuff that you need to if you need to do it and when you need to it's amazing but I feel I've done a lot of that and then I don't need to like be reminded of stuff that's happened in my life I need to think right I'm in this situation how am I going to make it better for myself I want tools yeah exactly to go forward yeah and I like actually having with him like he'll challenge me on on things and I think that's a really key to a good therapist a good life coach like I'll tell him a story about something where I got frustrated and he'll kind of flip back on me and be like why do you think you're right in that situation like you know like he'll kind of just like and that you it's good to have that someone to like trying to put the mirror back on you it is I I mean I love that and like she said this thing to me the other day she was like I think so much of your problems are like you wanting power in situations when you don't have them, have power.

52:50And then I took it as a, I got a bit defensive at first and then I was like, no, actually, I think, I was really thinking about it for the week after and I was like, I think I hate feeling out of control. I need to feel in control in situations. But I love it. It's challenging me so much at the moment.

53:05Olivia Attwood:Yeah. Grace, we love to party. We're not ashamed of it. I would love you to describe for me your perfect night out. draw me the picture where does it start what do you do I'm gonna be honest my dream scenario in London is having people at my house okay so I love hosting in your kitchen in my kitchen I've just got in my old flat that you came to in my new flat I always like make sure I live somewhere that has like really good kitchen living room energy and the sofa I've got in my new flat like not to brag but it like comfortably seats about 10 people it's like a really big L-shaped sofa I love not to brag I don't want that to sound like I live in a massive house.

53:47I don't. It's just a massive sofa in quite a small room. Because I was like, I need to have a huge sofa. So my dream is like, and maybe, okay, no, I'll tell you my dream. Okay. Is going to like a really lovely dinner or lunch or whatever, if it's the weekend, like a late lunch, like to a really like lovely restaurant. My goal this year is to get more into food. Like I'm more of a foodie because I've never really like been that into food. I just eat Nando's. I told you what I was eating when you were around. Yeah, yeah, I know. I was like, wow, I feel like I'm at home. I just eat Nando's. So I'm trying to go to more restaurants.

54:19So it would be a lovely meal, a restaurant I've never been to that's really good and I'm really impressed with the food. And then really nice cocktails. And then we'd maybe go to one more place, although I will say there's not many places in London I'm obsessed with going to at the moment, although I am going to a new nightclub in Dorset next week that I'm interested in. I can't remember what it's called. Clubbing is so back. Do you think? Have you been to this new one? What's the one in the cinema? No. It's in Shaftesbury Avenue.

54:48Olivia Attwood:Yeah, Lost. Lost. Taken over iconic building in central London for a newborn nightlife. Yeah, apparently it's unreal. Every time someone talks to me about it, they're like, it's the sickest venue I've ever been to. Okay, that's good. So I do agree, and I'm really excited because I would love some new, I would love some new energy and some new clubs, and I don't like poncy places. I like real fun, good music, hot people, eye contact kind of vibe. Then we go back to mine for the afters. Three second rule. I'm in Rio, but it's London. A lot of these dudes just backing towards the exit while you're like...

55:21I'm going to catch mouth herpes.

55:25And then I take people back to mine for the afters. That's my dream. And then we're there until like six in the morning on that wonderful sofa. And we've got like music playing on the TV because it does this like graphic. My TV does like a graphic, like hallucinating kind of graphics to go with the songs. And we just sort of stare at the TV, like, listening to Rosalia's album, like.

55:46Olivia Attwood:What's your relationship with anxiety? Do you get it or no? I don't get it that much, but when I've been playing games, I do get it. Wait, what do you mean playing games? Like, like, competitive, like. No, stop. No, no, like, Liv, I'm really bad. I've not had a fight. What, like, as in you've, like, kicked off? I've not had a fight in years, and in the last month, me and my friends have gotten really into playing games, and I've had three, like, huge, are we ever going to talk again rounds. like fuck you I've never even liked you like with my oldest best friend in 20 years over what kind of games?

56:17like people, places and things you know that when you're like pulling stuff out of that we had such a big fight over the difference between a Satsuma and a Tangerine and then Hitster have you played Hitster? no it's fucking amazing I'm obsessed with it but I'm on a Hitster van at the moment because of the fights right so you wake up and on Saturday I stormed out of my best friend's house crying

56:40Olivia Attwood:didn't talk to anyone for two days no this is the nichest reference to anxiety i've ever heard most people are like i cheated on my husband like i got my tits out you're like no i get really violent around i do i'm like really competitive it's so bad so when you wake up the next morning what's going through your head after i'm in the right that's the problem like i'm in the right and then it takes me a while. Like, that's the thing about alcohol. You're, like, deluded. You're in the right. And then it wears off and you're like, I'm crazy. Like, I'm absolutely fucking cuckoo bananas. I can't believe I was even trying that.

57:19But I love my friends and we love each other. So it's all good. You always come back from it. Infinite love. What's your drink of choice? A dirty martini. Nice. Yeah, I'm really trying to not drink so much wine at the moment because that affects my hangovers so much. But I love orange wine. If I... Orange wine?

57:36Olivia Attwood:if I stick to vodka I'm literally normally fine as soon as wine and champagne ends the chat yeah I get sloppy drunk and then yeah the next day I feel like I've been hit over the head with a machete I think that's exactly it it's horrible it's when you're mixing champagne wine and then something else and then because I actually can become quite visibly drunk as well like sort of like fooling around not that much because I am quite self conscious of it but like I know what you mean that's my worst fear my worst fear is like someone seeing me really fucked like I'd hate I'd hate that to happen if that was my worst fear I'd never make it out of the house that's why I love having people around because I'm like I'll do it in the confines of my house and no one can say that they see me this is such a dark thing but it's always nice to have a friend that's like a worse drunk than you yeah it's so true because you're like at least someone's looking at her I'm like next to her I was like I look sober next to this bitch and everyone else going get her on water I'm like get her and have a beer

58:38because while she's got one tit out on the table no one's looking at me you look like an angel

58:42Olivia Attwood:you look like a nun the heat is off yeah um being gals in our 30s and talking at parties did you have to do a big wedding summer are you in that era where you're getting invited to a lot of weddings i'm going to a few weddings i mean i've just done a subway take where i spoke about destination weddings so i actually think i'm gonna get really disinvited to a lot of weddings I saw that was that in London? yeah I did it here but I feel like I've become the like anti-wedding girl my hot take was people who have destination weddings when they get divorced they should reimburse you for how much you spent going to their wedding this clever one's clapping but like the thing is obviously I the day it came out I sent all of my friends who have had destination weddings and are having them text being like obviously I still hope I'm invited to a wedding it's like I was just it's just a take I wanted to have I'm not I'm not going to invoice you if you divorce if you divorce it's fine like I would still want to be there like officiating it but I just I guess my like wider point was like you know what I will say is I am really deaf and the tube is so loud so I actually couldn't really hear what I was saying until the video came out two months later I was like having such anxiety thoughts of like what did I say on the Bakerloo line because I just couldn't hear myself that's so valid it's so fucking loud it's so loud no no and you're actually like on like and so I can't really speak on the tube can I ask this like what time of day do you do it?

1:00:03It was in the morning. So it's like people are just commuting around and just like yeah that's like quite wild. And it was just very overstimulating like you're on the tube I was like really trying to form my argument and then I started talking about Greta Thunberg and I was like why are you talking about Greta Thunberg? What are you saying? I'm diverted. And then I said I'd been to Australia I've never been to Australia because I was trying to avoid mentioning another wedding so I was like panicking about people being pissed off with me like oh god it's so stressful. It is very hard. Again it's a whole internet thing no nuance exactly yeah everybody gets upset and it's like everyone takes it every time I do a sort of I mean not when I'm taking things out of men whenever I do any sketches about babies or weddings I always have to text like people saying I'm really sorry just this isn't about you by the

1:00:45Olivia Attwood:way like you shouldn't think it is wedding planning and I went on a podcast and I said that we weren't have kids weren't having kids at our wedding and I actually don't think like children are very well placed at weddings to me it doesn't make sense absolute rejoice that should be your subway day yeah but like i i just i stand by it because i just don't see what a child gets out of a wedding and all my friends and children for my wedding were like no thank i don't want to look after a two-year-old try and get too old to be quiet for your ceremony how stressful that is i want to like leave my kid with a like a babysitter i want to like let my hair down but like people are like messaging these paragraphs I'm like I don't know you you're not invited to my wedding and neither are your four kids so why are you in my fucking DMs talking about this why are you imagining how you're gonna argue for your kids to be at my wedding it's so weird people get so bent out of shape about wedding honeymoon wedding and kids as well chat kids yeah but on the subway take the comments are so funny it's everyone who had destination weddings telling me that I'm wrong of course and then people being like okay well sorry like I have to say I think I think it's quite a selfish thing destination weddings yeah I think it's quite I think you're putting people in quite a quite an uncomfortable position I think people are in such different financial situations unless unless you are just from like a really rich like affluent group of people but my life is made up of such different like financial like sort of situations that people are different stages of life and to put all of those people in the same situation be like come and stay in this this one hotel that's like 400 pounds a night for four nights and you have to be there for the whole thing because you've got all of these different events going on.

1:02:26And then it's like your outfit,

1:02:27Olivia Attwood:your gift, your fucking thing. And it's like all that way to watch you marry Brian from accounting. Exactly. And then I'm like, and here I am, Miss Single. Have you got a single fucking friend to set me up with at the wedding? No. So I've come all the way here and I don't even get to have sex with anyone at the wedding. Like, I'm sat next to like a boring, no, I'm sat next to fun people but no one I'm going to fuck. Now you're panicking about. thinking about weddings you've been to and the guest list was shit I'm there as the fucking entertainment and I don't get rewarded what do I get? there's the money thing and then there's also the thing of like you know like you know most people take one or two holidays a year why would I want that to be my holiday?

1:03:09Olivia Attwood:like I think it's a big ask I think if you are fucking rich and you can fly everyone out like fucking go nuts for it but otherwise I yeah I also my other thing which I like sort of don't offend more people in my life it's like also if you're doing a destination wedding if you so much just try to do a destination it's unbelievable pick your fucking thing and you think that my life is just my summer is dedicated I live in London for most of the year it drains every day and then in the summer I'm spending two weeks of my summer like celebrating your love are you joking? my other thing I went to one wedding and they didn't there was not a drop of alcohol to after the ceremony I was literally like one step away from taking my shoes off and like running to an off license like I was like I've got to sit through like this hour and 25 minute ceremony without even a glass of champagne no you need a hip flask I was like get me the fuck out hip flasks okay we're gonna do single girls court okay Grace you're the judge I'm gonna present you with real life dating crimes love okay I want you to tell me if they prison for life on bail it's okay okay he only ever voice notes you never text I love that yeah I love voice notes I was having conversations I just don't think men are very good in them that's what I was saying they're quite awkward yeah um hey uh anyway are you malfunctioning um cool well chat to you later they're just not as gifted at storytelling and that's the tea yeah that's the fucking tea and the other thing is when people do a 45 second intro to, hey, just thought I'd do you a quick voice note.

1:04:55Olivia Attwood:So much quicker than like sending you a message. But I'm just literally, then I'm like, so are you setting up for the before I've even got the info? It's so true. Rowan Atkinson said this thing on like a BBC radio show, which really, I was like, oh my God, that's so true, Rowan Atkinson, where he was like, was it Rowan Atkinson? I think it was, but he was like, voice notes are really convenient for the person sending them and not for the person receiving them. because if you're in a meeting, you can read the message. So someone needs to send you a message. You can read and see what they're saying.

1:05:22But they're lazy and they're like walking along. La, la, la, la. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It's more convenient for the sender. Sometimes I forget to listen to voice notes.

1:05:31Olivia Attwood:I'm like, oh my God, I saw a dog. I'm like, shut the fuck up. So men sending voice notes, it depends if how funny, like I love it when a funny man sends me a voice note. Love. Rare breed. Yeah. Yeah. He takes, can you imagine Stephen Bartlett's voice notes? No. Sorry, we're doing too much hate on him. I just suddenly thought of him being like, hey. Hey. So, I hope you're feeling good today. Have you drank your hula? Yeah.

1:05:58Olivia Attwood:He takes eight to nine hours to reply, but he's posting on Instagram stories. Fucking, it's rude. That is my biggest actual, like, that's the kind of behavior that would make me go crazy and send essays, like, send paragraph essays one after the other. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. Like, that's the kind of behavior that does that to me. It's fucked up. It's really rude. Just say you don't like me. Yeah, it's really rude. He accidentally likes one of your photos from 2017. Oh, my God, he's obsessed with me. Yeah. He's showing all of his friends his future wife. And he's accidentally hit one.

1:06:32Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that.

1:06:34Olivia Attwood:He says he's not dating right now and looking for anything serious, but wants to hang out all the time. But he's 42.

1:06:43it's like on dating apps where you see literally like a 40 year old man trying to figure out my intention what is it trying to figure out my dating goals it's like you're 40 like don't think it's time to sell down

1:06:53Olivia Attwood:you're nearer to death than anything else yeah seriously you're middle age like sort it out um no no absolute in the bin yeah jail goodbye he suggests being monogamous but only you you no I mean we could do a whole episode on the double standards around sex yeah but also me and Joanne always say this thing which is like we our dream is to be able to get with other people while men can't like I get it like I can actually that's something I can relate to is like wanting your cake and eating it too I'm saying so much stuff on this podcast that's gonna just give my PR a heart attack but it's like because I keep saying all the same things but it was like when I was talking to my friend this morning it's like you know like when we talk about men cheating I'm like literally send them like to the guillotine but if my friend called me and she's like crying she's like I slept with someone last night I'd be like babe you deserve to like explore like he is a miserable prick I could do a whole I've enjoyed one evening with him I don't know how you do it every day I could do like a whole defence case for like why they should feel no remorse I know because we're great storytellers but like someone else's husband so much just smiles at one and I'm like disgusting you're a pig you're a disgusting pig I know no I know it is fascinating and I wouldn't have it any other way I know it's contradictory.

1:08:11I don't care. Yeah, I don't care. Sue me. I don't care.

1:08:14Olivia Attwood:Loads of therapy talk from a guy. I don't want to sound like, okay. I know, because then we don't think we're contradicting them. Because I said something the other day where I was like, now I'm contradicting. Yeah. I mean, listen, I think it's great that men go to therapy. Yeah, agreed. I think it's great and good for them. But they have to know that they can't just go once and think that the job's done. Okay? Because I've had so many boyfriends who'll be like, okay, I'm going to go to therapy. And then they're like, call me after. I feel so much better now. And I'm like, no, it's like a year, years.

1:08:40You have to go through years of undoing your toxic behavior.

1:08:44Olivia Attwood:And I can say like wholeheartedly, like I'm trying to work on my relationship with that. But my like very stoic German father. So like I'm like, I didn't even know men had like tear ducts until like a few years ago. So you're undoing a lot of programming of what you thought. It's all new to me. Which is fair. And that's it. And you can read, because I always thought I wanted to be with like very alpha men because of my dad. and then now and not to say that I'm now trying to be with like what's the opposite of alpha sissy losers

1:09:17wet blankets absolute fanny

1:09:25oh my god I hate us

1:09:33I've been trying to reprogram my reigns like okay you don't always need to be with like Like a softer man. Like just like, yeah, I'm with you.

1:09:41Olivia Attwood:Also, I think like the whole alpha male thing is like someone can have very masculine energy and still be soft and still be like... Totally. And like it's rarer, like, but I believe it's out there. I believe. I've met some really nice, not gotten with them, but just met some nice men in the last few years and thought, okay, they're okay. He texts you up at 1.50 a.m. What does he want you up text? I'm just not up.

1:10:10So I'll see it in the morning. I am long, long gone asleep. My aura ring has told me to get into bed at nine o 'clock.

1:10:21I'll see it in the morning and say, lol. While they're like, oh, lol, like just joking. Yeah, great joke.

1:10:29Olivia Attwood:Right, Grace, before I let you leave the house. Wait, before we finish, is there anything you want to plug? But basically just look out for mine. I'm putting my new tour on sale very soon. So you will be on tour probably around the time this goes out, possibly just after. I will be announcing the tour then. So you are so back. So back. So back. I have been, I had a hiatus last year because I was working on some other things, but now I'm back to the stand-up and people are going to see me in the flesh. I'm going to be there. I want to come with Joanne. Oh, sorry. That's completely... So my teeth are going to get better.

1:11:03She's like, I'm coming with Joanne and I'm getting Invisalign. you have to come with Joanne that'll be really fun oh my god we'll share a bottle of pino have you seen her show no I need to because I'm opening for her on the 6th at the Apollo well this is perfect yeah 6th of Feb done yeah oh my god that would be so fun yeah and then you'll come and see me as well yeah talk to me about the teeth so basically when I was younger I fell off a five story building shut the fuck

1:11:32and luckily I only actually fell onto the balcony two floors But how? I was smoking weed on the roof of this building in West Hampstead. And then I was climbing off of the building.

1:11:42Olivia Attwood:This is like a Skins episode. Yeah, I know. Literally, A &E, it was Mother's Day. My mum had to come to A &E. It was so bad. But I was climbing down and I said to this boy, I won't say his name, but I will say it was attempted murder. And I said, are my feet going to land on the wall below? And he was like, yeah, yeah, let go. I let go. They were nowhere near the wall. I fell off onto the balcony below. and my face like met a wall and my front tooth came out. So this tooth has died. It's like a fake tooth, dead tooth. And it's from so much smoking, coffee, wine. It's really starting to show. Okay.

1:12:16I want to get composite bonding because I have a slight underbite. I can't. So I have to push the tooth forward and then I'm going to get composite bonding. So you're going on a whole dental journey. It's going to take fucking forever. I'm sure like Trump will have blown up the whole world by then. But I'll have good tea. And you'll be like, please don't. I'm on my second tray of Invisalign. I'm about to be so hot. I finally got the composite bonding.

1:12:40Blown us up last. Yeah, so just come and see me on tour to see the teeth reveal. It's like, you know, in the Real Housewives, when they do the, like, new nose reveal, like, that'll be me and my teeth. Yeah, like a party.

1:12:51Olivia Attwood:Yeah. But if they see you on tour, your teeth will be progressively changing. They will, yes, exactly. I'm really excited, although I don't like stuff in my mouth, but we'll figure that out. Yeah, Invisalign is, like, a commitment. They're worth it. did you do it I've got a mouth full of porcelain so I just went for veneers in the end but I did I did it years before if you do veneers it doesn't really matter that's what I want it's just my stupid little underbikes I never want my retainer wear your retainer kids and also get a balloon retainer when you're done at the back yes because otherwise thing is I had one it broke never went to the dentist to get it fixed I'm not surprised it broke you fell off a five-star exactly this is men trust me you'll be fine eats brick yeah it's like that Katie Price and she's like and then I broke both my legs and my horse were missing my German shepherd ran out really rounding up and I'm like and then I fell off a five story building I'm like that's an opening story yeah I know I think I'll put that in the show yeah you showed this really good one yeah before you leave who do you think I should have in the chair who do you want to refer to the guest list oh that's such a good question thank you it can be anyone it can be as unrealistic or as realistic okay I'm going to give you a few I think like really try try try try try try for victoria beckham i'm sure you're trying but try harder if there's every time she needs try try try again kathy burke that's a really good one that's a really good or listen to her audiobook and then have her on that's it was the best audiobook i've ever listened to honestly okay right she's so funny okay the stories she tells yeah have her on i'd love that and who are we banning at the door who are you banning um same Same as Lola, your dog.

1:14:33Just men. Just like, no men in here. Stephen Bartlett, don't have her on. I will fucking go crazy at you. I see you hanging out with him. I kind of want to go on his podcast. I think you should.

1:14:47Olivia Attwood:And just be really fucking sarcastic for an hour so he doesn't know whether I'm joking or not. I was coming over here thinking you would be really good like on Diary of a... Like it actually would do quite well. You should pitch for it. He's going to have to get some like, you know, some sensible women on there soon. to undo this damage. Yeah, he definitely is. One of our team, Tom, he really tentatively walked into the area earlier where we were eating and he was like, he's like, I'm not trying to push any kind of agenda here, but like any male guests that you... You said it was so much caution and we were all eating and we went...

1:15:23And I was like this, I literally went, like who? Yeah. And who did you say, Tom? Cricket. I think I gently said

1:15:31Olivia Attwood:No, then he diverted and recommended a woman that I actually was Why don't you have Louis Theroux on? I would actually love to have Louis on to be fair I think we have made a play for him What about your dad? Or my dad He'd be funny I was going to say I would love to speak to your dad Yeah, I think he would be a good guest Brooklyn Beckham Brooklyn would be unreal Brooklyn comes safe in here So tell me how does she dance? Does he follow you on Instagram? No Maybe I should DM him Yeah or maybe the best way to go according to the incident is through Nicola I'd be like please can Brooklyn have two hours of free time or get Nicola I'd be like bitch tell me about her first dance they've got listen they've got so much information we need it I know I'm trying to think I did think of a man the other day that's like in the public eye that I like but I've forgotten who it is now it will come back to me they're such a rare breed yeah Grace Campbell everyone woo woo

1:16:35Monster Energy. Everybody knows White Monster Zero Ultra. That's the OG. It kicked off this whole Zero Sugar Energy drink thing.

1:16:43Olivia Attwood:But Ultra is a whole line on now. You've got Strawberry Dreams, Blue Hawaiian, Sunrise, and Vice Guava. And they all bring the Monster Energy punch. So if you've been living in the white can, branch out. Ultra's got a flavor for every vibe, and every single one is zero sugar. Tap the banner to learn more. Thought Sweetgreen was just salads? Think again. There's a new way to do Sweetgreen. Wrapped and ready, these handheld wraps pack bold flavor and 40-plus grams of protein into something hearty, satisfying, and built for life on the go. From craveable sauces to satisfying textures, they're designed to keep you going without slowing you down.

1:17:24So put that fork down. Try the new wraps today in app or at order.sweetgreen.com. Available at participating locations only.