10 Ways to Manage Stress & Anxiety During the Holidays

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2:49I think we often feel that no has to be felt like a door slamming in your face or someone facepalming you, right? We almost imagine a no to feel like rejection. And I think that when we decline an invitation, it doesn't have to feel like a closed door. It can feel like a gentle communication, a gentle nudge to say, hey, I would have loved this. Thank you so much. I am so grateful. I appreciate it so much, but I won't be able to make it.

3:24Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you so much for tuning in, checking in with yourself, whether you're walking your dog, whether you're cooking, whether you're driving, whether you're training at the gym right now, Wherever you are, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for trusting me. I am so happy that I get to connect with you at these really important times in your life. I think that right now with the holidays around the corner, it's natural for anxiety and stress to be high. It's a heavy time because you're meeting family, maybe family that triggers you, maybe family that causes you stress maybe it's stressful because you're worried about your finances it might have been a difficult year money-wise and it's getting to that time of year where you're trying to make important choices for this year and next year maybe you lost someone during this time of year a few years back and whenever it swings around to the holidays you're reminded of how special those times used to be and you're struggling to find that new normal.

4:36Or maybe the stress and anxiety exists because you've got to go to so many parties, you've got to talk to so many people, you've got to show up to your work party, your friend's party, your family's party. There's so much going on. If you're feeling stressed right now, I want you to know that's okay and it's normal. If you're feeling anxious right now, I want you to know it's okay and it's normal. And if you're feeling overwhelmed right now, I want you to know it's okay and it's normal. I think when we don't acknowledge our stress, when we don't acknowledge our anxiety, when we don't acknowledge our overwhelm, it actually just grows.

5:19It actually gets worse and it actually feels like it increases because it's almost like trying to avoid something that you know is there. and all it's trying to do is get your attention. Your stress, your anxiety is simply trying to get your acknowledgement, your recognition and your validation. It's trying to say, look, I'm here. Don't ignore me. I'm trying to warn you. I feel a certain way. And the more we try to avoid it, the more we try to pigeonhole it or get it stuck in a box, the more it has to shout and scream and knock for our attention. So the best thing you can do for your stress is be aware of it.

6:03And the worst thing you can do for your stress is try to avoid it. Remember that the best thing you can do for your stress is to be aware of it, to acknowledge it. And the worst thing you can do for your stress is to avoid it or try to pretend that it doesn't exist in the first place. Now, as I mentioned before, there are so many reasons for us to feel stressed. And I looked at a study that said that 66 % of people feel they feel more stressed during the holiday season. And what's causing all this stress, the top sources, financial factors ranked highest at 28%, family gatherings was next at 21%, traveling and planning was 18%, and disrupted routines was next at 18%.

6:53So the top four sources of stress we experienced around the holidays were financial, family, travel and planning, and disrupted routines. And I'm sure that you can relate to at least one of these or a couple of these that may feel really real for you. And I think it's even harder because we look at the holiday period as a time to celebrate, as a time to relax, as a time to enjoy, as a time to be with family, as a time to rejuvenate, right? It's meant to be a positive time. And when something's meant to be positive and it isn't, it almost feels worse than if you expected it to be not positive, right?

7:33Does that make sense? It's almost like if you're going to a comedy show, you expect it to be funny. And if it isn't funny, you're like, wait a minute, I wanted to laugh. Like I came here to laugh. I came here to let loose. I came here to be silly. I came here to be entertained, but it isn't that. Whereas if you go for a night out, if it ends up being funny and you didn't plan on it, it's a bonus. That's kind of what the holidays are like. We go out there expecting to feel loved, to feel cared for, to feel connected, to experience kindness, to be in a safe space. And we often walk away feeling more triggered, more misaligned, more disconnected from people we're supposed to love, from people we're supposed to be close to.

8:17And I think a lot of our stress is around this idea of what the holidays are supposed to be, what the holidays are meant to be. And so as I walk you through these pieces of advice, I want you to recognize that we need to reframe our mind to the holidays. We need to not have the expectation that this is going to be the best time, that everything's going to be perfect. And we also don't want to anticipate things and not prepare for them. Often we know things are going to be difficult or stressful, but we're not prepared in advance. So I'm hoping that this episode gets you ready. So the first one is remembering you're allowed to say no.

8:58One of the points that came out is this disrupted routine. And I think around the holidays, we feel the pressure to have to say yes to every party and every event. And I think we have to remember that it's okay to say no. you don't need anyone's permission you don't need to check in with anyone else if you don't feel like going it's okay and i think what a lot of people do is we think that we know that but we wait till the last minute so what we do is the rsvp comes we know we don't want to go but we feel bad in the moment so what we do is we say yes i'm attending and then as it gets closer and closer and closer.

9:39We're now spending every day getting more and more stressed thinking, how do I get out of this party? How do I say no? And as it gets closer, it gets harder. We see the person maybe posting saying they're preparing. Maybe they sent a text saying, hey, this is what everyone can bring. Right? You start to get closer and you think, wow, I'm going to let them down even more now. And then it comes to the moment just before the party and you either force yourself to go or you guilt trip yourself when you've sent the message saying you can't go and now you feel bad about it. And now you're trying to make it up to the person and now you're overdoing it on the next event or party.

10:15How many of you can relate to that, right? I know so many of us can relate to that. And that's why it's so important to be okay with saying no with a beautiful explanation ahead of time. I really believe that it's not about your answer and it's more about the affection with which it's delivered. I'm not able to go to some of my friends holiday parties either because I'm traveling or I've got work and I've clearly communicated to them from the moment I got the invite saying hey you know what I would have loved to be here I know you put so much energy and effort I'm so grateful to be invited but this is what's going on and I'm so sorry I can't be there and I find that having a genuine open communication at least lets you feel better about yourself but also lets the other person know that you value them.

11:05I think we often feel that no has to be felt like a door slamming in your face or someone facepalming you, right? We almost imagine a no to feel like rejection. And I think that when we decline an invitation, it doesn't have to feel like a closed door. It can feel like a gentle communication, a gentle nudge to say, hey, I would have loved this. thank you so much i am so grateful i appreciate it so much but i won't be able to make it and i think i want to remind you that please do this earlier because the closer it gets you're just carrying that stress for longer and the more stress you carry for longer even if you do end up getting the courage to say no you at the end of it feel bad for saying no and then it kind of starts to spiral all over again so remember it's okay to say no and it's okay to prioritize the events and the parties that matter to you the most and not feel pressured to go to the ones that don't and i think when we do things out of pressure we actually end up disliking ourselves and the person more right we often think like oh if i say yes now then it will all be okay and everyone will be happy with me.

12:20But guess what? You said yes. The person didn't notice you much at the party or they were busy, they were hosting. And now you go back thinking, oh, they wouldn't even have cared if I wasn't there. And it's like, yeah, maybe they wouldn't have. And why did you put that pressure on yourself? So that's point number one. Now, number two, this is a huge one. When we know we have time off, we almost assume that it's enough. But the truth is, and this blows my mind, more than 4 in 10 US workers don't take all their paid time off. Not unpaid, paid time off. When workers who don't take all their time off are asked why, some reasons are more common than others, says Pew Research.

13:04About half of those who don't take all their time off say they don't feel they need to take more. A similar share, 49 % say they'd worry about falling behind at work if they took more time off. And 43 % of workers who don't take all their time off say they'd feel badly about their co-workers taking on additional work. Now notice how all of those are really beautiful and noble thoughts. But here's the reality. When you don't take time off, you don't get time to refuel. if you don't take time to refuel you're actually doing less at work even though you're spending more time at work now when you feel burnt out or exhausted or feel like you've been on for work for a long period of time guess what it negatively impacts your relationships with your co-workers so all the things that you're trying to get right all of a sudden you're actually making mistakes on all of those things.

13:59So it's so important and healthy around the holidays, especially at a time when everyone's switching off, especially at a time if you can, taking a bit more time off to say, you know what, this is the time I'm going to use to refuel. This is the time I'm going to use to feel better. Often the stress and anxiety comes from the fact that all of our time off are spent at the events. All of our time off is spent with other people. And then we go back from the holidays feeling like we didn't get time to rejuvenate. This segment about sleep rituals is brought to you by DreamCloud Sleep, the world's most affordable luxury mattress.

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18:23Listen to the Cardiac Cowboys podcast starting February 6th on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I think it's so important to set aside some time to really enjoy and appreciate this moment to not put so much pressure on yourself around this time to say all right I've got Christmas families I've got this event at this person's and then I'll be back at work and not feel like you've really got to decompress please take some time off please prioritize time off during this period of the year. Number three, this is a really tough one during the holidays, but hear me out.

19:07So research shows that, of course, the holidays are a time where we like to overindulge. The festive time of year is known for an abundance of food and drink. We know that, says this study. Most holiday parties obviously are filled with high-calorie foods and alcohol, and the overwhelming majority, 79 % of respondents said that they follow a less strict diet during the holidays. And most people reported that they eat more sweets and dessert at this time. 26 % reported an increase in sweets and desserts. And I think all of us, including me, I'm in this boat, right? I am in this boat. I let loose, I let go.

19:49What does that do? It drops my immunity. It makes me feel more unwell. Now, especially as someone who grew up in London, the weather's not always great either. So if you live in a cold climate, the weather adds to all of this. Now you're feeling more run down at the end of the year. You carry that into the beginning of the new year and now you're recovering from that. Now, I'm not saying I don't want you to eat what you want to eat and have fun. Of course, I want you to have the best time. But I do think that it's important in between the events to add some healthy meals and some healthy habits.

20:19For me, one of my favorite things to do is making sure that I'm taking a pack of vitamin C every single day. I take the one that has the pulp in it. You literally almost like drink slash eat it. I feel so much better. It has saved me from getting ill so many times. I remember I had just finished my press tour. So check this out. When my book came out this year, Eight Rules of Love, I went from, I did press in New York for over three days. It was stacked from literally 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. We did everything from Good Morning America to CBS through to, what else did we do? We did the Colbert show in the evenings.

20:58We did a ton of podcasts. Like there was so much stuff. Then I flew to London, did a week of press in London, all the TV shows and podcasts. Then flew to India for 36 hours, did a photo shoot for Vogue with my wife. Then flew back to LA and did more press there. Then I had five days before I left for my world tour. That's a crazy schedule. And I'll be honest with you, in those five days while I was rehearsing for my world tour, I was so certain that I was going to get sick. And every day, thanks to my amazing, amazing chief of staff, Jordan, I took these vitamin C packs and they saved me from getting sick.

21:35And it was amazing that I didn't fall sick during that time. So again, I'm not saying I don't want you to have fun, but I want you to find a way to have some healthy habits. Having your vitamin D, vitamin C, B12. If you're taking a basic multivitamin, And it's so important, especially during this time. And if you can have some healthy meals in between, it will make a huge difference. Now, habit number four. This one is really important because I feel that, as we heard, family triggers and family conflict is a big one. Maybe you're seeing a family member that, you know, from your childhood has been someone who triggers you.

22:13Maybe you're going to see someone who you know you have different political, religious views from. Maybe you see someone who always likes to point out that your career isn't going in the right direction according to them. You meet someone who doesn't like your partner. Maybe you are the partner that your in-laws don't like, right? Like there's so many ways family can be triggering. And I've experienced this before as well. And for me, it's always been to remind myself that I know who's going to be triggering. I prepare knowing that I'm going to deal with that. I'm going to sit and smile and I'm going to try and spend time with someone else.

22:48I recognize that I can't fight this person. I can't debate them. I don't want to waste my energy trying to convince them otherwise. And I'm going to expect it to happen. Rather than hoping that it won't happen, I'm going to expect that it will happen so that I'm not surprised, so that I'm not caught off guard and so that I can actually enjoy myself by saying this is expected, this is likely. It's almost like saying, you know traffic's gonna be there, right? If you're going on a road trip and you don't predict the traffic and suddenly you hit a traffic jam, you're like, well, why is this happening right now?

23:23Whereas if you say, you know what? I know there's gonna be traffic, but I'm gonna take along my favorite playlist. I'm gonna take along a bunch of games for the car. I'm gonna listen to my favorite podcast. Thank you so much, right? The idea is saying, I know this family member is gonna trigger me. I'm going to ignore them I love talking to this family member I'm going to make sure I take games I'm going to make sure that I take a book I'm going to make sure that whatever it is right whatever works for you the point is expecting triggers is better than hoping they won't happen tip number five during the holidays one of the things that I think we don't recognize that stresses us during the holidays is that we often start doing what everyone else wants us to do how many of you go to events just because someone else wants you to do it how many of you want to go to holiday parties just because someone else wants you to go to it?

24:07How many of you get into the festive spirit? Because someone else wants you to get into it. Now, I'm someone who loves holiday music. I love holiday decoration. I'm a holiday person. I love holiday movies. I love all of it, right? But not everyone feels that way. And what I find is that I have to do what I truly want and everyone else has to do what they truly want. So if I want to do a Harry Potter marathon with my sister, which is something we do every year, I'm going to do that no matter what because the holidays are a time for you it's rare to have that much time off when the whole world switches off at the same time and I want you to think about that for a second it's one of the few times in the world where most people in the world are able to switch off and therefore allowing yourself to switch off and do what you truly want if you want to party if you want to have certain experiences if you don't want to do any of it if you want to focus on things at home, whatever it may be.

25:05This is your reminder to say, make sure you do what you want to do, not what you feel pressured to do, not what you think you have to do, not what you think you should do, but what you truly, truly want to do. And don't sacrifice for that. Don't settle for any less than that, because this is the one time of year when you can truly do it. Now, this one is a tough one, but I have to make a point of it because of the finances being such a big thing. Make a budget. Please don't go into it. I know sometimes, right? Like the reason why we don't make budgets is because we'd rather not know. But the problem is at one point we inevitably end up checking.

25:44And then when we end up checking, we go, oh no, I wish I checked ahead of time. And so here's what I'm going to say to you. Check in advance, right? Like check in advance, set a budget, write a list of all your gifts. I promise you, you will not regret it in the future as opposed to overspending and then looking back and thinking I should have done that or sometimes underspending and thinking I wish I got them a better gift. I wish we did more for them. And so I think so many of us don't set a budget. I'm going to say make a budget right now for all your holiday gifts, for all your holiday decor so that you don't give yourself a hard time later on.

26:23Number seven, if you're like me and you love gifts and you love presents, make sure you're clear with people about what you want. I think expectations are really tough during the holidays. You unwrap that gift. Do you remember that scene in Love Actually? Oh, I love it. Where the guy who plays Snape, Alan Rickman, rest in peace, phenomenal, you know, wonderful talent. Alan Rickman goes to buy a heart-shaped necklace for this girl at work he's flirting with not for his wife and then he ends up going to Mr. Bean and Mr. Bean takes too long to pack his gift I felt like that so many times when I've got to get a gift and then his wife spots that he bought that but then she doesn't get it now I've just realized that this doesn't apply to my point but I'm glad I told that story anyway but what I was trying to say is that if you want something make sure someone knows uh his wife unfortunately in that situation was being kind of cheated on so i don't think that that would have mattered in her case but if you're expecting your partner to guess your mind read your brain and know what you want for christmas please don't do that allow them the opportunity to plan to prepare by letting them know i think a lot of us open gifts we get something that we didn't want we get something that we feel wasn't good enough whatever it may be be clear about your wishes.

27:44I think, you know, if you grew up believing that Santa Claus was going to deliver your perfect gift and your parents read your mind, it's easy to expect that from a partner. It's easy to expect that from a loved one. But as we get older, it becomes harder and harder for our minds to be read. And it becomes harder and harder for someone to deliver on that. So it's a simple one, but please make someone know your wishes. Number eight, I think a lot of the time during the holidays everyone says just be present and I think there's an issue with this advice because I also think we need to plan ahead I think we need to plan ahead and say okay how many parties am I going to am I going to be tired on Saturday night do I really want to do that on Sunday I would say actually look at your calendar and plan ahead you can be present and be really frustrated with your presence because you didn't plan for it so there is a part of us that needs to think about the future, but we need to think about the future right now, like right now.