6 Step Plan To Block Social Media From Controlling Your Life And Mind

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1:58coverage options as selected by the customer availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state attachment and aversion are two sides of the same coin right this idea that attachment if I'm addicted to something if you're trying to push it away and reject it it's as strongly present in your life right if you love someone and you hate someone you almost think about them equally if you hate someone with that same obsession or that same intensity as you love someone, you almost think about them as much as you love someone.

2:38Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you so much for being here right now. I am so grateful for your time, your energy, your presence. And this is one of those themes that I'm really excited I get to address with you today. I think that I'm reading more and more searches, more and more trends, more and more articles about how social media is negatively affecting our mental health. And as someone who creates a lot on social media, who's sharing a lot of insights and ideas on social media, I want to help you navigate and understand how you can use social media so that it stops using you.

3:21And today I'm going to give you a step-by-step plan to block social media from controlling your life and your mind. And I want to start off by saying this. All new technologies are always going to catch us off guard. They're always going to surprise us. There's always going to be pros and cons. It was the same as when TVs arrived, then color TVs, radios, the internet, right? There's always been fear. It's always affected us positively and negatively. But what I've understood is that a lot of the times we spend a lot of our energy talking about the challenges, the stresses, the pressures, the fears of what this new technology brings.

4:09I'm not saying we shouldn't do that, but often we spend such a high amount of our time on the issue that we don't really talk about how to maneuver, navigate and guide ourselves through with what is happening inevitably, right? Social media happened and is happening. AI has already happened and is happening. And I think unless we can truly understand how we fit into a world where it exists, it's really difficult for us to take steps forward. We can't just keep talking about the challenges and the issues. We have to use the challenge and the issue, which is what I'm going to attempt to do today, and then give you solutions, actions, and a plan to transform that.

4:56Now, just to make it really, really clear, because maybe some of us are thinking, oh, it doesn't affect me that much, or it's okay. Or maybe you're listening right now and you're saying, Jay, this is exactly what I need right now, right? If you're someone who spends too long on social media, if you're someone who's feeling a lot of FOMO, if you're someone who's feeling more stressed and anxiety about your social media usage, you're in the right place. So this study blew my mind. 46 % of respondents indicated that social media makes them want to permanently change a part of their body through surgery.

5:31Now I'm raising that not because I have any issues with surgery. I'm raising that because it just shows the level of impact. This isn't just an idea. It's an ideology that makes us want to physically permanently change something because of what we're seeing, because of what we're exposed to. Now listen to this. 89 % of respondents indicated that they feel unsatisfied with their life and comparing it to others on social media. Raise your hands if you felt that way. Raise your hands if that thought has crossed your mind many, many times. I think we all have that thought. Now the next one. 32 % of respondents indicated that they feel addicted to bad news online.

6:21How many of us know that when we see bad news, we share it more, we comment more, we talk about it more, we hang out with our friends more? It's fascinating to me. Now why am I sharing these three things? I know we all do them. And you know what the biggest challenge is? We want to completely eliminate the thought. Here's the truth. You can't eliminate the thought. You can only have a response to it. You can't eliminate ever having a thought about FOMO or bad news. You will have it. It will always be your instant response, because that's how we've been conditioned for years. All you can change is how quickly you have a response that's healthy, right?

7:11So the unhealthy thought of I feel unsatisfied with my life, which doesn't make you feel great about yourself, right? It doesn't make you feel good about yourself. That thought is going to keep recurring for probably most of your life. but that's not something to get discouraged about. What we need to recognize is at the same time if we can say I don't feel satisfied with my life and ask the question but I'm gonna figure it out what is it? What would make me feel satisfied with my life? Because guess what it's not just doing what that person's doing. I don't really want to go to that party. I don't really want to be invited to that event but I'm saying that there's a part of my life that's not satisfying and that's the really interesting trick or switch that we need to make, right?

7:58We're not really saying, are we really saying that's the life we want? Or if we stop to think about it, we're just saying, no, there's a life I want, but I'm not there yet, right? You are going to respond to bad news. It's how our brains are wired. You're going to see bad news and become attracted to it. And you're going to want to talk about it. But how about next time you're with your friends and you start a conversation, you purposely propose a positive news topic. You say, hey, did you see this? Did you see this amazing video of this little kid? Did you see this incredible thing that this person did in the media?

8:34How about you become that switch? I want you to try it out for seven days. Please, please, please, please, please. Because what we don't understand is when we talk negatively about other people, we're then more fearful of people talking negatively about us, right? If there's been the latest scandal, the latest issue, we're diving into the gossip, it feels like it doesn't affect us. I promise you it does because you now become less vulnerable about your challenges with your friends because you don't want to be the talk of the town. Here's what I want to add as our direction for today. If we don't learn how to use technology, it ends up consuming us.

9:16We're not trained how to interact with new technology. And on top of all of that, it's designed to be addictive. And therefore, we have to be more careful when we interact with it. I find it really fascinating that addictive substances are generally bound by age. So you have to be 18 to smoke, right? And nicotine is one of the most accessible legal drugs. And it's also one of the most addictive. And most people who smoke just a few times will get hooked. And only a very few people are able to smoke occasionally without being addicted. Now, what's really interesting is I feel that way about social media, right?

9:53You only have to use social media a few times before you're addicted. It's not something that's like a slow burner, more like alcohol, which is kind of like this. You don't get immediately hooked, but it takes a longer period of time. Social media, I think we'd all agree, is far more instant. And what's really interesting is when you look at the relationship, we understand that what's happening chemically is the release of dopamine. And studies show that scientists used to think that dopamine was a pleasure chemical in the brain, but now we know it actually creates desire. Dopamine causes us to seek, want and search.

10:31And the pull of dopamine is so strong that studies have shown tweeting is harder for people to resist than cigarettes and alcohol. You know, you don't have to be 21 to be on social media, but our brains are not fully developed when we're using it and it's more addictive. So I also want to take that as a point of empathy and compassion with yourself, that if you, your child, your niece, your nephew, your cousin is struggling with social media addiction, please don't see that as a weakness. Please don't see that as your fault. It's designed to do that. And I think when we stop guilting ourselves, we have the opportunity for growth.

11:08When we stop making ourselves feel bad about something, we might actually be able to make a good choice. Right? Think about that. Listen to that again. When we stop making ourselves feel bad about something, we can actually start making better, good choices. Right? And it's just interesting how we've given access to something that is so addictive to everyone. Think about gambling, right? Gambling activates the brain's reward system, which is powered by dopamine. And dopamine is a neurotransmitter inside the brain that reinforces sensations of pleasure and connects those sensations to certain behaviors or actions.

11:46So we're getting locked in that loop, right? You go on social media, you see someone liked your post, you comment, you get that dopamine reward. Bang, I'm going to keep using it, keep using it to get that same dopamine reward. And the way it works is you have to keep doing more and more and more to get the same level of benefit. It's not like you do more and you get more benefit or more excitement. It's almost like you've got to do more every time to get the same level of excitement. So we have access to something very addictive. And if you're addicted or if you're struggling, that is not your fault.

12:20It is natural. And today is all about saying, well, how can I actually develop a healthy relationship with something which has benefits, which has pros, which can benefit my life in many, many ways? But how do I make sure that that's what I'm getting out of it? And that's really what life is about overall is saying this exists. How can I interact with it in a way that it's beneficial to my existence. So let's dive in. One of the first things I read, which blew my mind in this study is that people talk about themselves around 30 to 40 % of the time in person. If you're an in-person conversation, you're going to talk about yourself 30 to 40 % of the time, because the other time you're talking about them, and maybe you're talking about a world event, right?

13:06So if you're talking about yourself 30 to 40%, they're talking about themselves 30 to 40%, that's 60 to 80%. And then the rest of the 20 to 40 % is about what's happening in the world. Check this out. On social media, people talk about themselves 80 % of the time. 80%, that's double what we do in real life. So when we receive a notification of positive feedback, we feel a positive sensation from dopamine. But let's look at that the other way. When you get a negative comment, it has a negative interaction. What I'm really learning here, and I looked into some more of the research, and it says that talking face to face is messy and emotionally involved.

13:50And we don't get the time to do what psychologists call self-presentation or positioning yourself. So on social media, we get to position ourselves how we want, as opposed to in real life, when you have to do it in the moment, we struggle to do that. Now, the challenge with that is also that when we position ourselves and we take a lot of time to curate ourselves, but then people don't like the way we curate ourselves, that causes an issue, right? Just as we like the positive feedback, of course, we get negatively affected by the comments. And 62 % of people say they feel better about themselves when people react positively to what they post on social media.

14:31But of course, we know the same is true for the negative. So what are we trying to say here? We're trying to say that we're basically more self-obsessed on social media. We're more self-focused and that ends up creating rewards, but it also ends up creating issues. This is Rob Parker from The Odd Couple with Rob Parker and Kelvin Washington. The Toyota Tundra and Tacoma are designed to outlast and outlive, backed by Toyota's legendary reputation for reliability. So get in the Tundra with the available i-Force Max Hybrid engine, delivering exceptional torque and towing capacity. Or check out a Tacoma with available off-road features like crawl control.

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16:39Here's how I want us to shift. How can we shift to focusing on connecting with others on social media? how can we comment positively on other people's posts how can we truly feel excited for others this is the real question that we're struggling with because we get so self-obsessed which makes us more amplified it's almost like putting a magnifying glass on the self which means the positives gets bigger and so does the negative but it's actually the struggle that we have is how do we actually feel more excited about other people's joy here's a few things i want to share with you. Someone else's joy does not take away from your opportunity for joy.

17:27There is no cap on the amount of people getting married in 2023. There is no cap of the amount of billionaires or millionaires or financially free people in 2023 or 2024 for that matter. The world has made us believe that there is a finite number of seats. There's limited availability. There's VIP and then there's normal. The special seats, the last seats, the final few, it's sold out, right? This language has created this belief of scarcity that there is less and less and less opportunity for you to live the life you want. And I want to remind you this. There is unlimited opportunity. There is no limit.

18:11there is no cap on any of the things you pursue. There just aren't. Maybe you have to wait a bit longer. Maybe it's not your turn this time. But I promise you that someone else winning does not mean you're losing. And this is something we have to remind ourselves of daily. When someone else is winning, that does not mean you're losing. And instead of feeling envious and jealous when someone else is winning, study them. Study, learn, take notes, learn about their struggle, learn about their journey, learn about what they did to get there, whatever that may be. Because when you study and you understand the struggle, you no longer feel envious.

18:56You recognize that it took a lot out of them and you're ready to go down that same path. So we have to shift our focus on how we view others and how we view ourselves. I think we spend too much time on social media thinking about ourselves. And we need to kind of get back down to that 30 to 40%. If we're on social media, spending 30 to 40 % of time on ourselves, but then 30 to 40 % of time supporting our friends, supporting others, and maybe 20 % of time making sure we follow and unfollow the right places. Like I have blocked, muted, unfollowed so many things that I don't want to see on a daily basis because I know that they trigger certain responses.

19:35And that's really important. are you aware of what triggers you down a negative path? Are you aware of what sets you off? Right? Who are those pages? I literally know the page when it pops up if it ever does again. And I say, okay, now no wonder I'm feeling this way. Okay, number two. This one's really, really important to me. And this one is something that I think we underutilize. And I'm sure you've heard this before. But I just want to reiterate it because I find it becoming so common. please do activities without your phone when you're with your friends like dinners lunches brunches like put the phone away and put it away together make it a ritual where you all put it in a bowl at the beginning you all put it away in your own bags or someone's bag at the beginning like make a commitment out of it make a commitment out of it because we all know that everyone starts a good conversation phones on the table take phones off the table take the phone off the table and keep each other accountable to this because it's so easy for when someone says, I'm going to the bathroom, you just take your phone out.

20:36I've been forcing myself to not take out my phone in gaps. It's hard for me too, by the way. The gaps are the easiest time for me when someone's gone to the bathroom or I'm getting in the elevator. I've been trying really hard to not distract myself with my phone and use it in that way. And instead to just be present, listen to the music in the elevator, to observe the cool clothes someone's wearing next to me. to take a moment at a restaurant to just look at the menu, to just take in the scents and the sights. It's really hard to do this, but it's so important that we get used to not using our phone as a gap filler.

21:13And you'll say to me, Jay, well, how do I do that? Because my natural instinct is to pick up my phone. Make your background on your phone saying, put down your phone, put it away, right? Whatever you need is that reminder. When you take it out, right? When you first take it out and you're about to start scrolling, just take a moment to set the habit of when you pull your phone out to ask why am I here do I actually need anything from this and it's going to feel weird at first it's going to feel strange at first but I promise you that the more you can actually create that distance between you and your phone in those gaps the more you're going to start feeling peace and ease and you just need to try it a few times to feel it.

21:52A study found that 94 % of participants reported feeling troubled when they didn't have their phone. 80 % were jealous when someone else used their phone and 70 % expected to feel depressed, panicked and helpless if their phone went missing or they couldn't find it. A study found that 89 % of undergraduate students experience phantom vibrations. This is the perception of vibrations from a mobile device that isn't vibrating. People crave receiving notifications so much that they start imagining them, right? And this is why we have to get out and do activities where you don't even think about your phone, like ping pong, tennis, pickleball, walks, hikes, getting out there into nature with friends, with family.

22:38You won't even think about your phone. You won't even need it because you have to use your body and mind. What's happening now is we're doing more activities that don't require our 360 presence. For example, if I'm playing pickleball, if I'm playing ping pong or tennis or whatever it may be, I can't be on my phone and hold a racket at the same time. It's just not possible. If you're into golf, if you're into football or soccer or whatever it may be, you're not going to be able to be on your phone at the same time. And you could be out there for two, three hours, right? And we're doing too many activities where you can be watching TV while you're on your phone.

23:15You could be cooking while you're on your phone, right? You could be doing so many other things while you're on your phone, while you're talking to someone else. And the more we take time every day to do activities where it's just physically impossible, that you're incapable of doing it while you're on your phone, especially sports, is such a great way of getting outdoors and being away from it. And that's where we're training ourselves to have extended periods of time, right? If I just told you, just sit in your house and don't be on your device, it's not going to work. And so we have to find that alternative.

23:46We have to find a way of being off our devices in a way that's fully present. I know that I can play pickleball for three hours and then I'll go back to my phone and I'll think, wow, like, you know, I didn't even miss my phone. Now, the next one. We all know we need to reduce usage. And this is something I want to talk about because a lot of us think we need to completely stop using social media. Now, that can be useful in small periods. But overall, we need to build a healthy relationship. and a healthy relationship is not aversion. There's a beautiful quote in the Bhagavad Gita which says that attachment and aversion are two sides of the same coin, right?

24:25This idea that attachment, if I'm addicted to something, actually, if you're trying to push it away and reject it, it's as strongly present in your life, right? If you love someone and you hate someone, you almost think about them equally. If you hate someone with that same obsession or that same intensity as you love someone, you almost think about them as much as you love someone and so with social media if you hate it if you're trying to be like I don't want it I want to be away from it it's almost like you're thinking about it again now here's something I want to say to you that's really helped me no technology zones and times in your home and I want you to think about this in a fun way you can literally put print out signs with the no phone sign, almost like a no smoking sign, but with a phone picture in areas of your home that you want to be reminded that you have to leave your phone out of.

25:21So I remember for me, I almost visualized lasers in certain parts of mine and my wife's apartment and now our home where it's like, okay, in the bedroom, no phone area, right? At the dining table, no phone area. Like what are those areas in your home? And literally put up signs, make it fun and silly. Your friends will come over and they'll have to leave it out as well. And all of a sudden it's like, okay, we're in a no phone zone. We're in a no phone zone in the house. This area, we're not using it. It could be a table. It could be a bedside table. It could be wherever you think it's important for you to disconnect.

25:55Because people who limited their social media use to 10 minutes per day for three weeks led to lower loneliness and depression. You think your loneliness may go up if you're not on social media, your loneliness actually goes down when you reduce your time on social media. And reducing social media use to even 30 minutes per day results in significantly lower levels of anxiety, depression, sleep problems, and of course FOMO. Now, I like using social media and I found a way of limiting my social media in a way that I'm following things that make me happy. I'm following things that don't give me those negative responses And that's what it is.

26:33It's the responses that make us feel unhealthy that we're looking out for. So I want you to think about the no technology zones and no technology times in your home. Like for me, an hour before bed and the first couple of hours when I wake up, they're no technology times. And I found that the easiest way to do that is to lock in to my morning routine. So whether it's my meditation, my reflection, I need to do something in the morning. But I found that my phone just has to be far away, right? At 1.8, literally used to lock my phone and my laptop in my car and I got a real alarm clock and it saved the day.