6 Steps to Manage Anxiety When It Feels Like It Is Never Ending

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1:19The biggest mistake we make is we believe that the way we are is who we are and that we won't change. that who we are right now is who we have to be forever. And the truth is we are simply a set of patterns, a set of systems that can be changed and transformed. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose where you come to listen, learn and grow. Remember, we've got over 500 episodes in our library So if you're looking to grow on a daily basis, check in to On Purpose. Today's episode is all about something that I think a lot of us deal with.

2:07How many of you have something in the back of your mind that just keeps replaying? Could be a conversation, could be an event, could be a thought, and it just sits there in the back of your mind while you're going about your day, but draining your energy. How many of you have something similar in the sense that maybe there's someone in your life that you're worried about? Maybe they're unwell. Maybe they're going through a difficult time. And no matter whether you're at work, whether you're socializing, whether you're with your family, you keep thinking about that person and what they're going through.

2:49Hey, maybe you've moved state or country and you're worried about a parent's health. You're always thinking that when you wake up in the morning, there's a certain level of anxiety or overwhelm of what could have happened to them. And I can empathize with how difficult that may be. Or maybe in the back of your mind, you worry that you're going to lose your job. Maybe you worry that things aren't going to work out. Maybe you worry that things are not going in the right direction and there's just this underlying feeling you have that just stays there in the background that's super unnerving, super draining and really discouraging because every time you feel a glimpse of moving forward, this brings you right back.

3:35Sometimes we get hit with something that's always just in the back of our mind, right? And what's really interesting about this is that, like I said, we all have something and it affects us in the same way. It makes our smile less large. It makes our moment of joy less pleasant. It makes our moment of escape feel fleeting and ephemeral. And we all deal with this very complex emotion where we're not going through the challenge right now, but we feel like we are every single day. We almost put ourselves through that every single day. And that's why Seneca famously said and wrote, we suffer twice, once in imagination and once in reality.

4:32The visualization of a challenge, the visualization of a moment of pain can often cause more pain if we're not using it as a processing tool. And when we don't use it as a processing tool, but we use it subconsciously, it keeps us in a state of pain. So what do we do about this? How do we do it? We can't solve it. We can't get away from it. It's just something that exists there. The first thing I'm going to share with you is anything that you worry about, anything that causes you anxiety, don't deal with it first thing in the morning and don't deal with the last thing at night. When we wake up in the morning, we're barely awakened.

5:16We're barely prepared to deal with anything stressful. And that's why when we wake up in the morning and we check our messages frantically, when we make a call frantically, when we run around and rush around, it creates more anxiety. It compounds that feeling of overwhelm, of stress, of pressure. And when we do something just before we go to bed, we're programming our subconscious to be thinking about it at night. We're programming our subconscious to be attentive and aware of it while we're asleep. So now what we've done is we've depleted our sleep, which has diminished our focus and energy, which is diminishing our intellect and our ability to deal with the situation when we wake up.

6:04We have weakened ourselves so deeply that we don't have the ability to deal with it. So when we wake up in the morning, we want that time to be the time to set a foundation. For you, it may be 15 minutes. For someone else, it may be an hour. You want your morning moments to be moments that are foundational, that are sustainable, and that are consistent. Maybe you wake up every day and you write a grateful thought in your journal. Studies show that when we have grateful thoughts, we can't have worry-filled thoughts at the same time. So think about that really carefully. If gratitude is renting space in your mind, worry can't rent the same space.

6:53If you're having a thankful thought in your mind, anxiety can't rent the same space. So we want to make sure that our tenant is gratitude. We want to make sure that the person staying in our home is gratitude. And this is a practice that we have to build consciously until it becomes subconscious. Here's what's really interesting about patterns of thought, patterns of behavior. Patterns are people. We have to recognize that when we were young, we subconsciously absorbed patterns that became our reality, right? Maybe there were things your parents said. Maybe there were decisions your parents made.

7:37Maybe there were ways they operated that defined who you were. And now what we have to do is we have to plant conscious patterns that become our subconscious. The biggest mistake we make is we believe that the way we are is who we are and that we won't change. That who we are right now is who we have to be forever. And if that's who we are forever, then there is no shift, there is no transformation. And the truth is we are simply a set of patterns, a set of systems that can be changed and transformed. As Dr. Joe Dispenza says, we have to break the habit of being yourself. He talks about how to lose your mind and create a new one, right?

8:22We think our mind is made up. We think our mind is what it is. But actually, our mind is just made up of patterns. Our mind is just made up of thoughts. Our mind is just made up of subconscious beliefs that can all be reprogrammed. And the two key times of the day that our subconscious beliefs are reprogrammed are first thing in the morning and last thing in the night. Especially that which you do at those two times will program your subconscious. So we want to start our day with gratitude. We want to start our day with a thankful thought. And for a grateful thought to work, it has to be expressed, it has to be specific, and it has to be personalized.

9:06When you write something in your journal, you also want to share that with someone. You want to express it to that person. Maybe you're going to write a text message in the morning to that individual and express it. You want it to be specific, right? A lot of people could say to you, oh yeah, thanks so much. Thanks for that. But when someone's specific, it touches your heart. if someone said to you, thank you so much for how well you made that presentation at work. It was brilliant. That goes a long way. And then you want it to be personalized. You want it to feel like it was only about you. We all want it to feel like you can just say that to everyone else.

9:42So expressed, specific, and personalized is how gratitude has to be shared. And I think a lot of us these days, we think that a gratitude journal is to be grateful to the sky and be grateful to the plants and the moon and whatever else it may be. Being grateful to people is the most reciprocal form of gratitude. Because when you get to share it with someone and see the look in their eyes, when you get to see how it impacts them, it can be transformational. And by the way, the way we receive gratitude is as important. I think a lot of us have trained ourselves to be modest, to say things like, oh no, it's nothing.

10:20It's all good. And when we don't receive gratitude, we also don't get to give that person sharing with us a beautiful moment. I'm so lucky that so many of you come up to me when you see me around, whether, you know, a couple of weeks ago I was in Austin for South by Southwest. Maybe some of you saw me at Expo West. Maybe some of you saw me in Mexico. And I love that you'll come up to me and you'll tell me how much On Purpose has helped you or how much Think Like a Monk or Eight Rules of Love. You've loved reading. and when I hear that, in the beginning, I used to always be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, thank you so much and I used to feel that that was the way to deal with it and I realized that actually being able to say back to you, like, thank you so much, I'm so grateful, I really needed that and by the way, I do need it, it means the world to me, I appreciate it so deeply, I'm humbled by it but saying that back to you makes it a moment that we can share and so what I'm trying to say is giving gratitude and reciprocating back with gratitude are both good for the heart.

11:22And I think if we start our mornings that way, we focus on and amplify gratitude so much that the pain we're feeling, the stress we're feeling, it's not that it goes away. It's that we have the strength to deal with it. This is the point I want you to take home. It's not about getting rid of pain. It's not about moving on from pain. It's not about just saying it doesn't exist anymore. It's about having the strength and the courage and the support to deal with it. Hey guys, it's Jay Shetty here and I couldn't be more excited to share this exciting news. You asked, we delivered. Juni sparkling tea with adaptogens made by my wife and I are now available in all Sprout locations across the country.

12:11Juni is the perfect midday pick-me-up with only one third of the caffeine found in brewed green tea, it provides a gentle energy boost without the crash. It only has five calories and zero grams of sugar, making it the perfect drink. Plus, it's made with a delicious blend of adaptogens and nootropics that may help boost your metabolism, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Head over to your local Sprouts or visit sprouts.com to find the closest location near you. So we talked about the importance of what to do in the morning, but it's equally as important to figure out the evening.

12:51When we program our subconscious mind before we go to bed, we have the ability not only to get better rest, but to wake up feeling more energized and ready for the day. So many of us just before we go to bed will do something that induces anxiety. Maybe we'll think about or ruminate about this thing that's been on our mind. Maybe we'll watch something that makes us feel anxious. Maybe the last thing we'll say is, I really hope that doesn't happen. Or I'm really worried about this. And that's not something you're saying out loud. It might be to your partner or whoever you're talking to, your friend on the phone.

13:30But often it's a subconscious idea. Now, it's natural, right? When someone asks you the question, what's keeping you up at night? It's probably this thing, the pressure at work, the challenge with your partner, the worry about your parents, right? It's something very real that you can't just say, I'm not going to think about it, right? If I say to you, don't think about it, that's the worst advice because you're like, well, Jay, that's why I'm listening, right? So what we need to do is we need to recognize that we can't remove the thought. Often we think our life is about reducing noise, right?

14:08Reducing negativity, reducing the thing that's keeping us up. And that's actually really difficult. And what we have to do instead is we have to drown out that noise through something else. So a good example is, let's say your next door neighbor is throwing a party or the apartment next door is throwing a party and the music's really loud. Now, when you went over there and knocked on their door and said, hey, can you keep quiet for a second? Like I'm trying to focus. They didn't do it. They didn't listen. And your persuasive skills didn't really work. Now, you have two choices. You either listen to that music or you turn on some of your own music.

14:47You turn up your TV, you focus on what you need to do. In the same way, you can't just drown out a thought that's perplexing you. But what you can do is you can increase the voice you want to hear. So this is where we want to subconsciously program our mind. I remember when I've been going through health challenges or difficulties, I often had an affirmation before I went to bed that said, I am happy, I am healthy, I am healed. There's something really powerful about the words I am because it's an acceptance of something we're already feeling, not I want, which feels like it's in the distant future.

15:26I am happy. I am healthy. I am healing. I have repeated this affirmation to myself when I've been going through physical or mental health challenges so that I can remind myself that I'm moving in the right direction. and I have found that the repetition of that affirmation has started to consciously reprogram my mind towards moving and finding progress. Without the repetition of that mantra and affirmation, what ends up happening is I end up stewing, I end up feeling stuck, I end up feeling like nothing's moving in the right direction.

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16:49Discover more at brightviewseniorliving.com. Equal housing opportunity. Stop settling for weak sound. It's time to level up your game and bring the boom. Hit the town with the ultra durable LG X boom portable speaker and enjoy vibrant sound wherever you go. Elevate your listening experience to new heights, because let's be real, your music deserves it. The future of sound is now with LG XBOOM. And for a limited time, save 25 % at LG.com with code FALL25. Bring the boom! XBOOM. So that's definitely something to look at. What are we doing before we go to bed? A lot of people will say to me, Jay, I'm experiencing anxiety.

17:31And the first thing I'll ask them is, what did you watch last night? now if you watched one of your favorite shows I am not against any shows but I promise you that these shows are designed to create cliffhanger chemicals and what I mean by that is because it's all about what's happening in the next episode what are they going to do oh my gosh did you see what happened to them oh will they make it right that's the reaction the show is trying to create now that makes for great entertainment what we don't realize is that our body and mind are going into that mode just before our head hits the pillow.

18:06And so now naturally, your body and mind are in a state of anxiety before you go to bed. And so that becomes your natural headspace throughout your sleep, which is then disturbed. And then when you wake up, I have also found it really interesting to program almost the code of how I want to wake up. And the example I always is you don't set your alarm the time you wake up. You set the alarm the night before, right? You program something to ring or have a tone when you wake up in the morning, but you set it the night before. In the same way, we have to set our programming and code and mindset the night before.

18:51I am waking up energized, rejuvenated and ready for the day. I am waking up with health, vitality and energy. Having that as your repetitive affirmation before you go to bed gives you a chance again to subconsciously program your mind to make that its code. So I highly recommend a powerful morning and evening routine that is away from the area that's challenging you. And you may require 30 minutes of time before bed and 30 minutes of time in the morning or 15 minutes before bed is enough. Even five minutes. Actually, you know what? I'm going to make it five. Five minutes before bed and five minutes when you wake up to just journal all your anxieties and all your thoughts to really get them off your mind, to really get them out of your mind and onto the page.

19:43I think often we try and fix things and solve things in our mind. And what's really interesting about that is how many times have you had a really amazing reflection or a really amazing realization and you don't even remember it a week later? I've had this happen so many times. If I don't note down amazing ideas, insights, thoughts, they disappear. And we think, oh, I have this idea now. I'll always understand this. the truth is it doesn't work like that so five minutes before bed five minutes when you wake up just to journal all of that anxiety to put it out onto the page to actually feel that release I think we often feel it's a weakness to have a release we think I've just got to solve it in my head I've just got to deal with all of it I've just got to tolerate all of it and the truth is You can try that, but it can feel like you start to carry a real weight.

20:41And I feel that for a lot of people, we're just carrying a heavy, heavy weight because we keep adding to it. Right. It's not that it disappears. If we don't release it consciously, it subconsciously continues to build and build and build to when we have a really tough moment where we do want to release it. And maybe it comes out at a person we love. Maybe we take it out on someone at work. Maybe we take it out on a friend, right? It does come out. It always comes out, but it may not come out in a healthy way. I think it's really important to recognize that when we have things going on, it's okay to stay busy.

21:23I think sometimes being busy gets a hard time and I understand rightfully so. But when you've got something on your mind and it's bringing you down, sometimes staying busy, staying active is really healthy because it allows us to process it in different ways. I find that when I have a busy day, when I have a busy schedule, when I'm moving around, it allows me to make sure that I deal with what I'm struggling with at the right time, but then not let it bleed into the entire day. And that's what I mean by keeping busy. When I say keeping busy, I'm not saying ignore the issue. If we ignore the issue, it will just grow.

22:00If we ignore the issue, it will actually get stronger and bigger and come back harder. it's so important that we stay busy by creating times of the day where we do focus on this I think working out is similar being physically active when you have something on your mind again it allows you to release it release that energy in a different way now a lot of people say something especially in spiritual circles this idea of we just have to tolerate it we just have to accept it. And while there is truth in that, there's a beautiful statement by an amazing part of divinity called Chaitanya, who says that we should be as tolerant as a tree.

22:46Now, what I love about this statement is that a tree is extremely tolerant. It deals with all the seasons. It deals with the cold. It deals with the heat. And all the time, it provides shade to others. It provides fruit to others. It tolerates that the soil around it may not be great. So the roots grow in a particular way to get its nutrients. We have to be as tolerant as a tree. But the thing is, a tree can't move. So if a tree could move, it probably would. And so if you can move, if you can change, if you can shift, we shouldn't just tolerate and accept. We should learn to tolerate and accept the things we can't change.

23:24But the things we can change, we should change. If you're dealing with an issue, it's so important to leave no stone unturned in solving the problem. Often what we do is we go into acceptance before action. But it's the other way around. If you've taken every action you possibly can, if you've taken every action within your control, if you've taken every action that will help you get out of the situation you're in and then it doesn't shift, then we can practice acceptance and tolerance. But if you haven't tried everything, if you haven't pushed and questioned and been curious, right, I often find this when I'm struggling with my health, it's so easy for me to say, you know what, that's it, can't do anything else.

24:13And I've realized there's another modality I haven't learned about. There's another guide, there's another teacher, there's another doctor, there's another healing process that I haven't opened my mind to. Please, please, please realize this. Whatever you're dealing with, first deal with it with action. Before we get into this pseudo-spiritual place of I accept it, I'm surrendering, we have to take action. Right? The old statement of the universe helps those who help themselves. We have to start with helping ourselves before we expect help from anything else. Start there. I really hope that this episode gives you a sense of courage.

24:57I hope that it gives you a sense of comfort. And I hope that it gives you a sense of some really practical tips and insights to solve this challenge for you. I'm rooting for you. I'm always in your corner. Thank you for listening. If you loved this episode, you will also love my interview with Charles Duhigg on how to hack your brain, change any habit effortlessly, and the secret to making better decisions. Look, am I hesitating on this because I'm scared of making the choice because I'm scared of doing the work? Or am I sitting with this because it just doesn't feel right yet? There's a lot of talk about mindfulness these days, which is fantastic.

25:37I mean we all want to be more present and self-aware More patient, less judgmental We discuss all these themes on the podcast But it's hard to actually be mindful in your day-to-day life That's where Calm comes in I've been working with Calm for a few years now With the goal of making mindfulness fun and easy Calm has all sorts of content to help you build positive habits Shift your self-talk, reframe your negative thoughts And generally feel better in your daily life So many incredible options from the most knowledgeable experts in the world, along with renowned meditation teachers. You can also check out my 7-minute daily series to help you live more mindfully each and every day.

26:17Right now, listeners of On Purpose get 40 % off a subscription to Calm Premium at calm.com forward slash j. That's c-a-l-m dot com forward slash j-a-y. For 40 % off, calm your mind, change your life. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead, save up to 50%, and skip the hassle of circling the block. Park smarter, park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park. Residents at Brightview Senior Living Communities enjoy enhanced possibilities, independence, and choice. Brightview, Dulles Corner, and Great Falls offer vibrant senior independent living, assisted living, and memory care services through various daily programs, chef-prepared meals, safety and security, transportation, resort-style amenities, and high-quality care.

27:10Take financial possession of your apartment by December 31, 2025 and save. Discover more at brightviewseniorliving.com. Equal housing opportunity. Stop settling for weak sound. It's time to level up your game and bring the boom. Hit the town with the ultra-durable LG XBoom portable speaker and enjoy vibrant sound wherever you go. Elevate your listening experience to new heights, because let's be real, your music deserves it. The future of sound is now with LG XBoom. And for a limited time, save 25 % at LG.com with code FALL25. Bring the boom. XBoom. This is an iHeart Podcast.