7 Steps To Transform An Anxious Mindset & How To Overcome Worry Filled Thoughts

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3:13Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. Now today's episode is all about something that I know has been at the forefront of so many of your minds. I've been reading comment sections. I've been talking to so many people as well. And I found that a lot of us will say that the two most common thoughts we have are either anxious thoughts or worry-filled thoughts. And I think a lot of us can relate to that, right? I'm guessing that when you wake up, there may be an anxious thought.

3:55When you are preparing for something, there may be a worry thought. Maybe you're anxious about your own health and wellness. Maybe you're anxious about your work. Maybe you're worried about your family Maybe you're worried about something that's happening in your area Or maybe in the world And I find that these thoughts are so common and so normal Yet we don't always have a game plan in order to work through them And I think that's what's so important I think we want to get to a point where we never have an anxious thought Or never have a worry-filled thought And the truth is, that's just not possible But what is possible is having a plan of action having a game plan, having strategies and methods to actually overcome, transition, transform and break through from those thoughts and feelings.

4:46And that's what this episode is about. So if you're waking up with anxiety, if you're struggling to sleep because of worry, if you're someone who can see that when you're around a group of people, your anxiety and your nerves go through the roof, maybe you're someone who worries all the time and gets pessimistic this episode is for you and maybe you have a friend who's dealing with this maybe you've had an episode recently where anxiety and worry came up in your life i've had that where i think i'm completely anxiety free and then all of a sudden something happens and that's my number one priority is being able to manage it i can't wait for you to listen to this episode thanks for choosing on purpose as always I was reading this brilliant article on psychcentral.com about anxiety and here were some of the stats that they shared they said that more than 31 % of the US people will experience an anxiety disorder at some point in their lifetimes social anxiety disorder is one of the most common anxiety disorders affecting around 12 % of US adults at some point in their lives and it went on to clarify that women are nearly twice as likely to develop an anxiety disorder compared with men and that there are lots of different ways that anxiety makes us feel for some of us it can be excessive and consistent worrying for some of us it's restlessness irritability muscle tension difficulty concentrating sleep problems fatigue heart palpitations sweating and an upset stomach or nausea, right?

6:24So it's really interesting because I think we often think of anxiety as like, okay, it's all in my head. But as you can tell from this list that I found on Psych Central, you actually see it manifesting very differently throughout the body. We've talked about everything from muscle tension through to an upset stomach or gut. We're talking about heart palpitations. So you're seeing that anxiety find its way throughout the body and finding a place to live. And so even if you're one of those people, I used to be someone who used to say, oh, I never get stressed. I don't have any of that. And then I started to realize that my body was storing it in a way that I wasn't even conscious and aware of because I wasn't present enough in my body.

7:11If I'm not present enough in my body, I'm not sure what I feel, where it came from, how long I've been feeling it, or how it developed. And so it's really interesting to remember that even if you're someone who's like, oh, Jay, I don't feel anxiety. That's not a challenge for me. It may be finding a home in your body in a different way. So it's a great thing to be aware of. The other fascinating thing, I was reading an article on psychology today, and it talked about this study that they did at Penn State University where researchers had participants write down their specific worries for 10 days whenever they noticed it.

7:50And they were even sent a text message around four times a day to write down any worries from the past two hours to make sure that they could capture as many as possible. Now, the study participants then reviewed their list of worries every evening over the next 30 days to see if they came true. And the worries were only worries that could be tested in the 30 days. For example, they used, I'll fail my math exam tomorrow would be testable, whereas I'll develop cancer at some point would not be considered testable. The average person reported three to four testable worries per day. The result, the research showed, a whopping 91 % of worries were false alarms, and of the remaining 9 % of worries that did come true, the outcome was better than expected about a third of the time.

8:42For about one in four participants, exactly zero of their worries materialized. This was a great article reviewed by Devin Fry, if you want to check it out, on Psychology Today, written by Seth J. Gillian. So what I just want to establish is that worry and anxiety are something that a lot of us are feeling. There are very different ways in which how it shows up in our life. So the language and the experience of it may be different. and on top of that a lot of what we worry about doesn't always turn out to be true. Having said that I want to give you some strategies and a game plan for dealing with your worries and anxieties because I want to help you transform those thoughts and overcome them.

9:24I had a really interesting experience of anxiety lately. I remember before going on my world tour I was so close to cancelling it so many times because I found it overwhelming that I'd be doing all this travel back to back, off the back of a press tour. I was genuinely quite anxious about it, if I'm completely honest with you all. And I thought about canceling it. And I thought about whether I'd be able to stay healthy the whole time. I was worried about being away from Radi. I was worried about being away from my team and my work and my office. I was concerned that maybe I wouldn't be able to do it because I hadn't done it before.

10:00and so there were all these anxieties that I was feeling and what's really interesting is that after rehearsing and after practicing, I felt great but even the week, let me just walk you through my schedule so my book came out or was announced on 31st of January I went on a three week press tour across New York, London, Mumbai and LA and then I had to go straight into rehearsals and then go on the US leg of the tour and I was so close to falling ill while I was rehearsing. My team, Jordan, saved my life, literally with the amount of vitamins and supplements and I was literally on everything I could possibly do to stay healthy and those things really got me across the line, but I was nervous at that time too.

10:46And then when I was about to go on stage at my first show in Philadelphia, I walked onto the rehearsals and I felt so tight-chested. I thought maybe I got COVID or maybe there's some condition I'm struggling with. I remember feeling really uncomfortable. I then did the show that night in Philadelphia. It was a great first show. And then a day later when we got to Boston, I felt it again. And I felt the same uncomfortable feeling, tight chested. I was wondering what it was. And I remember speaking to my tour manager, Tom, about it. And I said to Tom, I said, Tom, I think, you know, I don't know what's going on.

11:26I'm just feeling a bit uncomfortable. And he said, well, Jay, you know, it's probably anxiety and nerves. And I was like, I don't feel anxiety and nerves. I'm, you know, I've spoken on stages a million times. And it was really interesting to me because he was like, Jay, you have, but this is different. This is your show. This is your tour. It's different. And so I was practicing my breathwork exercises. And then I had to go get checked in New York because I was so worried. And I realized it was purely anxiety based. It was purely stress based. I was feeling so tight-chested and it went away after knowing that it wasn't anything more.

11:58But it's so interesting how we discount our experiences of overwhelm or stress or worry because we think of it as insignificant. We think that we should have had it figured out. So the first thing I want to talk to you about is studies show that we have around 60 ,000 to 80 ,000 thoughts per day. Overwhelming already, I know. and that 80 % of those are repetitive and 80 % of those are negative. We're often having the same thought throughout the day. A negative thought keeps on repeat on that cycle and we have the same thought multiple times a day adding up to a number of uncontrollable thoughts.

12:40And here's my strategy for you. You can't change 60 to 80 ,000 thoughts per day. It would be really tough to start thinking about how to be mindful about every thought. But here's something you can do. You can master your first and last thought of the day. Your first and last thought of the day can transform what happens in between, right? We eat at three set times per day or you eat at two set times per day because that keeps you going and energized in between. Similarly, if we master and conquer our first thought of the day and the last thought of the day, so much can change. So here's what I want you to try.

13:25The first thing is don't look at your phone first thing in the morning and last thing at night because your phone automatically inserts so many uncontrollable thoughts that you can't conquer, right? You wake up in the morning and you see a news alert about something that happened in the world and you go, gosh, that's already a negative start to the day. You wake up and you got a message from someone saying, hey, you haven't handed in that report yet, you're behind on work. Already you've started a stream of negative thoughts. Now you're reactive for the rest of the day, trying to catch up, trying to make sure that you can solve all the other problems, not realizing that maybe if you gave yourself a head start, maybe if you felt calm and peaceful at the beginning of the day, now when those things come at you, because of course they will, you'll be better prepared.

14:13So I find that mastering your first and last thought of the day can be huge. For me, the first thought of the day is usually a quote from my favorite book, a quote that I've scribbled on a post-it note. It may be asking myself, what am I grateful for? It's finding the first thing. All I want you to do is go, what is the first thing I want to look at? What is the first thing I want to read? What is the first thing I want to think about that is going to transform the beginning of my day? It might even be a picture you want to see. The other thing I'm going to ask you to do is change your alarm tone.

14:47Often your alarm tone is so alarming that your first thought is urgency, emergency, alarm, alert. Like all those words have so much fear attached to them. Like you have a fire alarm. It's scary. Why would you wake up to an alarm? Why would you wake up to an alert? All of these things make us have to be so on edge. they shift us into fight or flight mode. But actually, when you wake up, you want to wake up as if your eyes are just gently opening, right? Think about it. Do you like it when you wake up and your eyes are almost like shocked open or when you get a moment to just gently, calmly open your eyes and let yourself become acquainted again with the light that's in the room.

15:33And it's so important to start that circadian rhythm by getting some natural sunlight. right so one of the best ways best strategies i know to deal with anxious thoughts and an anxious mindset is master the first and last thought of the day my last thought of the day is often what am i most grateful for my last thought of the day is what is an achievement what's some progress i've made today to give myself some encouragement and acknowledgement for what i've done the second thing this is something that i've used for years and it has really really helped me and i found it helping me with a cold plunge.

16:11I found it helping with hikes. I found it helping with going on stage. It's breath work. I don't think we use our breath enough to define our life. Listen to this carefully. When you change the pace of your breath, you change the pace of your life. We don't realize how the pace of our breath is so interconnected to the pace of our life. If you find yourself rushing around, if you find yourself trying to do too many things, what happens? The pace of your breath is fast, restless, and rushing as well. Whereas if you think about the best decisions you make in a calm, controlled environment, you'll find that your breath is deeper, slower, and your heart rate is slower as well.

17:00I think we've all experienced what panic feels like, what nerves feel like. You think about shallow breathing. You think about a fast heart rate. You think about being out of breath. Change the pace of your life by changing the pace of your breath. Anytime you feel out of breath, anytime you feel behind, anytime you feel like you're rushing, it's because your heart rate and your breath rate are too high. You want to slow them down and get back in control. Having the right people in your corner to support you is a great form of self-care. Just like the friend who shows up to a housewarming party when you get that dream home, celebrates your big promotion, or goes with you on a walk to clear your mind, State Farm is there to help you feel supported.

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19:03I've talked a lot about how our phones pull us into habits that don't always serve us. The reflex to check, scroll and react without thinking. That pull takes us away from ourselves, our relationships and the world right in front of us. We want to be more intentional, more present, more connected. That's where Noble Mobile stands out. They're a carrier built to support healthier tech habits. You can keep your phone, keep your number and still get unlimited data on the T-Mobile 5G network whenever you need it. Here's the difference. Use under 20 gigabytes in a month and Noble gives you cash back.

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20:22So what you want to do is one of my favorite things is ocean breathing. and what I mean by that is you can find online or wherever it is watching the ocean flow in and out and trying to deliberately copy that pace of breathing. Now if you're not a visual person and you need to close your eyes it's great to do this with a count. I often breathe in for four and out for more than four. When you exhale for longer than you inhale you relax your body and you slow your heart rate down. A few years ago, I put this to the test where I actually sat right next to the bass drum of a heavy metal band. Naturally, listening to that music and the fast pace, my heart rate rocketed, my breathing was shallow and quick.

21:12And in that, I tried to control my breathing. And I had a heart rate monitor as well. And I was able to slow it down so that even in that high stress environment, I was able to reach a place of equanimity and calm. And so what I want to encourage you all to do is don't go sit next to a bass drum, right? But I want you to take an opportunity to say, how much can you deliberately copy a relaxed breathing pattern? Where is there a pattern you can see? You may even breathe in and out from watching a flower move in your garden, and a leaf moving from side to side. You may breathe, as I said, for a count of four in and an exhale for more than four.

21:55Creating a pattern for your breath to follow will lower your heart rate, lower your breath rate, and actually give you an opportunity to cope with the feeling that you're going through. The study went on to say that breathing is closely linked to the nervous system. Breathing exercises, especially those that emphasize extended controlled exhalation activate the parasympathetic nervous system which causes equal and opposite changes to the stress response says dr kennedy deep controlled breathing with extended exhalation stimulates the vagus nerve causing a fall in the heart rate and blood pressure and when practiced regularly feelings of calm and relaxation i can't stress this to you enough about how important it is to regulate our breathing, how important it is to find a pace that works for you in that moment.

22:48The third strategy that has had a big impact on my life is the power of scent. And I think that it's such an underutilized part of managing our stress. there's a reason why spas why sacred places relax us there's a reason why we have candles because scent and again using that breath work to actually presently breathe in that scent can transform how you feel studies show that sense send signals to our limbic system which is the sector of the brain that controls memory and emotion. According to a 2011 study, positive emotions, which can be elicited by certain fragrances, have been proven to lower stress levels and improve overall mental outlook.

23:42I don't know if you've ever been for a massage and they offer you a series of scents and they ask you, which one do you gravitate towards? And it's so easy in that moment to say, well, which one's good for me? As opposed to you just breathing them in and thinking, well, this one makes me feel good. And I realized this was something that Radhi did in our home that honestly I just recommend is that Radhi will have a different diffuser and essential oil for different spaces in our home. So whether we were in our tiny apartment in New York or whether we're in our home right now, different spaces have different scents.

24:15So the kitchen has a scent, the living room has a scent, our bedroom has a scent, and it's simply a diffuser with a couple of drops of essential oils that transform the environment. So as soon as you walk in, you get the benefit of how you want to feel in that space. Do not underestimate scent as a way of calming you down. Maybe even carry one with you. Sometimes I'll carry around peppermint oil with me. Sometimes I'll carry around a lavender scent, which I find really calming, or a sandalwood scent that I find calming. Simply to inhale and exhale, to aid that breath work by giving you another tool to help calm you down.

24:55Find the scent that helps calm you Find the scent that helps energize you Find the scent that helps relax you And maybe even puts you to sleep Don't underestimate the power of scent Along with that is the power of sound A 2016 study found that music preference Was the most important factor in reducing stress levels Listening to one of your favorite songs or music May be a great short-term way of dealing with stress Often I find that music without lyrics, music, whether it's jazz, classical music, an instrumental of just a piano or just a violin can be so powerful for helping us realign again with the pace that we want to live at.

25:41So I want you to think about scent and sound really, really effectively. What song do you wake up to? What music do you drive to? What music do you walk and work out to? What music do you listen to when you are feeling stressed? Do you remember to switch something on? Maybe have a playlist that you've made specifically for when you feel this way Like we have a playlist for a workout, right? You have a playlist that you listen to in the car What's your playlist for when you're feeling anxious and stressed out? Design it when you're not anxious and stressed out And it will help you massively when you are And I really want to talk to you about sight Visualization was a big technique I used when I lived as a monk I today visualize myself going on stages before I walk on I visualized myself skydiving before I did that I visualize myself going through challenging moments in my life That are far deeper and more high stakes than both of those that I just talked about now And I found that when you live something out in a visualization It allows you to feel the emotions I was talking to Radhi recently and she was saying that she wanted to share something really emotional and she was scared when she shares it, when she's doing a talk, she may start crying.

26:56And I said to her, first of all, that's beautiful, but I understand you don't want to derail your whole presentation. And I said to her that practice, and when you practice, allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to feel so that you felt those emotions deeply. Now when you share it, you'll be able to not cry, but it will still be emotive and powerful for you. And so visualization and rehearsal, visual rehearsal, helps us deal with tough conversations, challenging moments, maybe an awkward, uncomfortable interaction that you need to have with someone. Feel free to visualize not how it's going to go perfectly, but how you're going to behave when it goes imperfectly.

27:36I think that's the mistake we make with visualization. We try and visualize, oh, it's going to work out. It's going to be amazing. I'm not recommending that. I'm recommending you visualize what you think is going to happen and how you're going to respond in that moment. That's what athletes do. They visualize driving around a racetrack. They visualize performing on the day with the stress and pressures that come with it. And medical news today showed that guided imagery, GI, is another type of meditation, which we called visualization. The study said that guided imagery involves mentally visualizing peaceful scenes to promote a state of relaxation.

28:14One 2015 study investigated the combined effects of GI and music on work-related anxiety. For this study, the researchers divided 20 participants into two groups. One group underwent a nine-week GIM program. The other group received no treatment. Compared with the no treatment group The GIM group showed significant improvements In stress management and well-being The results also showed a greater reduction In blood cortisol levels for the GIM group So that's where you see the guided imagery Mixing with the music So that now you're sparking that So what's really interesting for me is If you came to my tour You know that we crowdsourced your favorite love songs And we played them Before the show, in the middle of the show at the end of the show.