Ask Jay: The Right Opportunity Might Not Be What You Expect

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1:00Jay Shetty:Hey, it's Jay. I don't know what your day's been like, but I was just thinking about you for a minute. And I hope you're being a little patient with yourself, because you deserve it. And yeah, I'll talk to you soon.

1:23Jay Shetty:Today's theme is Opportunity, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to listen to you all. Let's get started.

1:32I'm going back to school for logistics and supply. I graduated early in June, but I still have one semester left this up-and-coming fall. One of the requirements for my degree, I need an internship. I've applied to over 100 places, and I keep getting denial letters. It's very stressful. like I feel like I don't know how many internship applications I need to put in it seems hopeless like I see so many people on LinkedIn they have their internships I don't know maybe I wasn't active enough on campus work full-time mother full-time and then also going to school full-time Now I need to lock in on an internship.

2:22My question is, why is it this hard to get an internship?

2:29Jay Shetty:First off, I want to recognize something before we even get into the job market. You're going to school full-time, working full-time, and seeking another commitment on top of all of that. That isn't just a busy schedule. That is an extraordinary amount of responsibility. and the fact that you graduated early while holding all of that up tells me everything about your drive. You asked why is it so hard to get an internship right now and how to keep going when it feels hopeless. Let's start with why it's so hard. When you apply to 100 places online, you enter what recruiters call the cold funnel.

3:04Jay Shetty:In a saturated market, a cold application often has a response rate under 2%. Out of 100 applications, getting 98 rejections or silences isn't a sign that you did something wrong. It is the real math of a clogged system. And when you look at LinkedIn and see other people landing positions, it's easy to assume they worked harder or did more on campus. But campus activities and blind applications require one specific resource, unstructured free time. The very thing you had to give to your work and your other full-time responsibilities. So you aren't failing at the game. You've been playing a system stacked against anyone who has to balance real life at the same time.

3:48Jay Shetty:There's a stoic philosopher named Seneca who wrote a lot about how we measure our progress. He noticed that we tend to complain about a lack of opportunity when what we're actually suffering from is misplaced effort. He talked about how easy it is to exhaust ourselves pushing against things that won't move, confusing sheer effort with actual movement. His point was simple. When a door isn't opening, the answer isn't always to throw your shoulder into it harder. It's to pause and see if there's another way in. When Alex Ormosi came on my podcast, we talked about what it takes to break into an industry when you don't have a built-in network or a shiny resume.

4:31Jay Shetty:And he made it a point that applies directly to where you're sitting. He said that when you have zero leverage, you don't offer your need, you offer your value. Most people send a cold application that says, I need an internship to graduate, here's my resume. But the person reading it has 500 of those. Alex talked about shifting from broadcast to direct outreach. Instead of applying to another 100 giant portals, You pick 10 mid-sized supply chain companies. You find the logistic manager or the head of operations on LinkedIn. And instead of asking for a role, you send a short message showing that you understand their specific operation or offering to help solve one small tedious problem for free just to prove your output.

5:17Jay Shetty:You don't need 100 companies to say yes to your resume. You need one manager to realize that someone who can juggle two full-time commitments and a degree is the most reliable person they could ever hire. I know you asked why it's so hard and it is hard, but I want to lay out the math so you stop taking a structural obstacle as a personal failure. This market is tough and looking for work is exhausting, but you're not hopeless and you're not behind. Shift your effort from cold volume to direct leverage. Show them the worker you already are and let your effort land where it can actually be seen.

5:58Jay Shetty:There are a few things I want to share with you. One is I deeply believe in the law of odds. The more doors you knock on, the more likely a door will open. You're already knocking on lots of doors and I wouldn't stop that. The second thing I'm going to say to you is you don't need 100 yeses. You just need one yes to change your entire life. It may take 500 applications before you get an internship, but that internship could change the entire trajectory of your career. So the benefit far outweighs the cost of sending more emails. It far outweighs the time that you're going to spend putting those applications together.

6:40Jay Shetty:And the third thing is going through your network, going through people you know, building that high leverage approach on LinkedIn and other social media platforms will more likely convert to an interview stage, internship, actual success because you're making it easier on yourself. You're working smarter, not just harder. You're already a driven, ambitious, hardworking individual. and now you're learning the aspects of strategy, networking and connection that will only help you be more successful in the long term. I know for a fact that referrals, connections, direct reach outs sound like hard work and often it can feel quite uncomfortable to put yourself one-on-one with someone.

7:27Jay Shetty:The reason why I appreciate your question so much is I can actually relate to it. When I left the monastery and came back into the world of work, I had a three years gap on my resume. And surprise, surprise, no one wanted to hire me because who wants to hire a former monk? They're wondering, what are your skills? Being silent and sitting still? Like, we don't need that in a company. I applied to 40 companies that rejected me before I even got an interview. and I remember just consistently feeling like I had no idea where I was going to find work. I was moving in and living with my parents in the bedroom I grew up in and not knowing what I was going to do next.

8:08Jay Shetty:The way I got my role was I reached out to someone who went to my university in my year, but I didn't even know that well, on LinkedIn and asked him if he would refer me to the company he worked for. Thankfully, he did. And it was because of his referral at the company he worked for that I got expedited to the interview stage compared to any other company that I'd applied to online. It's kind of easier to apply through a company website or at a general email. Emailing or LinkedIn messaging someone directly can feel quite intimidating. But that's why it works. It works because all you need is for one person to see the value you can bring and give you a shot.

8:53Jay Shetty:I promise you, do not be scared of even if you have to send a thousand emails or a thousand LinkedIn messages, because what's on the other side is a career that you're going to crush. I'm wishing you all the best. This episode of On Purpose is presented to you by Mazda. Peace of mind doesn't happen by chance. It's created through the habits we build before we ever need them. That's the philosophy behind every Mazda, With proactive safety features that help keep you more aware, more connected and more engaged, Mazda helps you feel ready for whatever the road brings. It's why Mazda has been named Consumer Reports' safest new car brand.

9:31Jay Shetty:And as of July 2026, Mazda has won more 2026 IIHS Top Safety Pick Plus awards than any other car brand. Visit www.iihs.org to learn more. A lot can happen when an accident doesn't. Visit MazdaUSA.com to learn more. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services.

9:57I live in a condo in Toronto that I purchased after my divorce. I live with my 20-year-old son who attends university for another three years. He lives in residence and comes home to Toronto for holidays and over the summer months. My son chose to live with me because he loves the area and it's close to his friends and his summer work job. Recently, I was let go from my full-time employment after 26 years, so I'm thinking now's a good time for a fresh start somewhere. So I found a place up north that I'm very interested in and would love to make an offer to purchase it. I can only afford it if I sell the condo, which I don't want to do.

10:32I was hoping to buy the second property up north, move up there, and rent out my condo in Toronto. My fear is that I would be taking on too much financially, especially since I no longer have full-time employment. but I don't want to give up on my dream house, and I don't want to give up my condo in Toronto for a few reasons, starting over alone in a place I don't know anyone with no help. My son also won't have anywhere to come home to in the summer months when he wants to come to Toronto for work and to see friends and family. And he also wants me to keep this condo so he can rent it or buy it from me after he finishes school.

11:05My question is, should I take the plunge, the risk, buy the second property and move up north, but still keep my condo in Toronto? or do I wait till I'm in a better financial position when the condo's paid off, my son is out of school, but then I risk losing the dream home?

11:22Jay Shetty:So you have a lot going on right now. You have a kid in college losing your job, finding your dream home. First, I wanna acknowledge losing your job. I'm sorry about that. 26 years is a lifetime. You had that job longer than you've had your son and that's a real loss and I hope you're taking care of yourself and coping okay. But I also want to congratulate you because you sound genuinely excited about the future and that energy is so powerful. Now, you asked whether you should take the plunge on this second property up north while keeping your Toronto condo or wait until your finances settle. I'm not a financial advisor, so I can't tell you to buy or not buy.

12:00Jay Shetty:But I am a big believer in leading with what you want. And if this is your dream home, you owe it to yourself to figure out what it would take to make that possible. When money expert Nisha Shah came on my podcast, we talked about how to assess risk when you're making a big career or life pivot. And she made a great point that risk isn't just about math. It's about finding the specific boundary where your financial choices align with your peace of mind. If a dream home causes nightmare anxiety, it loses its magic. The goal is finding the path where you feel financially grounded and excited. So instead of seeing this as an all or nothing gamble, map it out practically.

12:42Jay Shetty:Look at the real numbers. You mentioned renting out your Toronto condo, which could bring in steady rental income. You can also cast your net for work both in Toronto and up north. You might even find seasonal work that lets you spend winters in one place and summers in another. Getting creative with how you structure your income can open up doors you didn't know were there. I also hear your concern about your son having a place to stay during his university summers. But remember, he's 20 years old and you too can tackle that together. Finding summer housing or a sublet in a major city is a normal problem to solve, not a reason to hold back your life.

13:19Jay Shetty:At the end of the day, if taking on both properties is going to drown you in anxiety, it probably isn't worth it. If you buy your dream home, you should be able to enjoy it. But if you run the numbers, explore rental income, look at work in both areas and find a plan that feels solid, then it isn't a reckless gamble. It's a meticulously calculated move. I have complete faith in you to figure out what you most want, map out the practical steps to get there and enjoy this exciting new chapter. What you don't want to do is end up with both the condo and your dream home, but the dream home becomes such a source of anxiety and stress that it loses the joy that you had, the excitement that you have right now of having it.

14:04Jay Shetty:And I think a lot of people take on a lot of pressure and stress thinking that having this thing is going to solve all their problems only to realize it causes a host of more problems. So that's why I'm encouraging this meticulous, calculated, logical approach so that you don't end up setting yourself up for failure and so that you don't end up in a situation where you feel more stressed and more anxious than you already are. You're also worried about losing your dream home. One thing I want to point out is every time you feel that, realize there is another dream version of your home. If you waited a couple of years to make sure you felt grounded, to make sure your finances were in order, you might even be able to afford something better than you ever imagined.

14:46Jay Shetty:And I think often we find something really good and we think this is the best I could ever get. This is the best I could ever have. Not realizing that there's something so much more bigger and better out there if we were patient and waited for the right time. So if you don't get your dream home right now, realize that that's your current dream home. That could change in one, two, three, five years based on your affordability, based on the foundation you've built and based on who you are at that time. Don't settle for something less that could create more stress and anxiety when you could be patient.

15:20Evening. Buyer's remorse.

15:22Jay Shetty:Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice. I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it. Buyers rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com. This episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace, and there it was, the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message, and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist.

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16:47Jay Shetty:The real thing.

16:51I stayed in a marriage after repeated betrayals over the course of several years. Part of me knew I was getting hurt, but another part of me genuinely wanted to understand someone who experienced the world very differently from me. with empathy, to question my own beliefs and to remain open to difference and growth, rather than retreating into judgment and anger. I wanted to know I had tried my best. I left my marriage a year ago. Looking back, staying brought me some of the deepest pain I've ever experienced. It also brought me peace, because I left without regret, knowing deep in my heart that I had reached the end.

17:33There was still sadness and grief, of course, it made me realize this isn't just about relationships. It's about life. We hear that we should protect our boundaries. But we also hear that growth comes from challenging them. That's where the most meaningful experiences of our lives come from. Other times, it's where we get hurt the most. So the question is, how do we know when openness is helping us grow and when it's quietly becoming self-abandonment. How do we stay open-hearted without losing ourselves?

18:06Jay Shetty:Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable story. First off, I am so sorry for the betrayals you experienced in your marriage. Betrayal is heavy. It's a painful weight to carry. But I want to honor how you showed up. Many couples are able to rebuild after betrayal, and giving your marriage a real empathetic chance wasn't a flaw in you. Walking away with no regrets, knowing in your heart that you gave it everything, is something you should be truly proud of. Now you asked a deep question. How do we know when staying open is helping us grow and when it quietly turns into abandoning ourselves? You use a lot of thoughtful terms to describe what you went through, but let's slow that down and talk about what's actually happening underneath it.

18:52Jay Shetty:When you talk about staying open, you're talking about curiosity, a genuine desire to understand someone else. Self-abandonment is a big term, but in plain language, it just means ignoring your own truth to keep the peace with someone else. It's when their comfort or their perspective becomes more important to you than your own emotional safety. It is always worth stepping back to look at our best qualities, like empathy or patience, which you clearly have in spades, and ask, is this giving me an opportunity to grow or is it just letting someone take advantage of me? There's a famous Buddhist teacher named Pema Chodron who talks about how true compassion requires what she calls a strong back and a soft front.

19:42Jay Shetty:I love that image because the soft front is your capacity to stay open, caring, and empathetic. But the strong back is your backbone. It is your boundary. It's knowing who you are, what you stand for, and what you will not tolerate. When you don't have that backbone, staying open isn't kindness. It's just leaving your front door wide open with no lock on it. You don't lose yourself by staying caring. You lose yourself when you stop enforcing boundaries within that openness. Because to abandon yourself, you first have to know who that self is. Knowing your non-negotiables and your values gives you that backbone.

20:23Jay Shetty:And when you have that, you can stay empathetic towards someone else without worrying that you're being taken for a ride. When you're open, you ask questions. When you abandon yourself, you believe any answer you get. When you're open, you're still in control but willing to adapt. When you self-abandon, you give up all control and just follow where they're going. When you're open, you still see yourself as part of the equation. When you abandon yourself, you dissolve and make it all about them. Often we use openness or compassion and empathy as ways of people-pleasing, as ways of gaining validation, as ways of feeling like we matter, that's when it's self-abandonment.

21:13Jay Shetty:Because we're willing to let go of our own values, our own beliefs, and our own principles simply to make something work. If you find yourself negotiating, compromising, or abandoning your values, principles, or beliefs, that's self-abandonment. If you find yourself questioning, dissecting, discussing, debating, then you're being open. We want to stay open because we don't want to miss out on opportunities. But even the word open is being open-eyed. If you're open, it means you can see the red flags. It means you can see the mistakes. It means you can see the parts that you may have to lose and compromise.

21:58Jay Shetty:That is where the real opportunity is right now. This clean slate gives you a chance to take all that curiosity and empathy you gave away for years and direct it back at yourself. Get curious about what you want, what you deserve and where your line is. When you know who you are, staying open isn't scary anymore because nobody can shake your foundation. This episode is brought to you by Mazda. Some of life's best moments happen because nothing went wrong. The drive home, the conversation that continues, the plans that stay exactly as planned. That's the feeling of safety. Every Mazda is designed with proactive safety features that help keep you more aware, more connected and more engaged with your drive so you can feel confident on the road.

22:45Jay Shetty:That's why Mazda has been named Consumer Reports' safest new car brand. And as of July 2026, they've won more 2026 IIHS Top Safety Pick Plus awards than any other car brand. Visit www.iihs.org to learn more. A lot can happen when an accident doesn't. Visit mazdausa.com to learn more. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services.

23:15Hi Jay, how can I stop a specific dynamic? which is getting excited about a new position, a job opportunity, or even to date somebody that I really want. I get excited. Then I get disappointed. It happens in repeat, either rejected or the door closes or disappointed and nothing moves. And it's been like this for the past three years. And I want to get this dynamic out of my life. I would really like to create new story. So I wanted to ask you, do you have any advice for that?