Becky G ON: Finding Your Sense of Belonging & How to Masterfully Block Negativity and Rejection

30:55And am I setting myself up for success? You know, and there's been hard times, like people very close to me would be like, B, we had this conversation. We've had this conversation. And they very lovingly hold space for me to come back around and be like, you're right. You're so right. You know, but it's like just understanding that we are constantly always in process. Yeah. Yeah. Let's walk through some of those actually, because we love doing that on On Purpose. You mentioned mental, spiritual, and physical routines. Let's talk about some of the, let's start with the mental routines. What are some daily routines or habits or practices that you've been working on?

31:32Okay. So shout out to my therapist because she taught me the three-legged table. Shout out to all therapists. I love therapists. Me too. They're dope. They keep it real. That's for sure. But the three legged table is the mind, body, soul. And if it's a table that needs to work, right, it needs to hold things on top of it. If one of the tables is a little wobbly, or one of the tables, the legs break, it can't, it can't fulfill its purpose, right? What it what it's intended for. And so I am very much so a mind, body, soul kind of person. And I think for me, if we're starting with the mind, just like not being on my phone, the first moments that I wake up in the morning, um i didn't realize like how second nature it was like even just having like a separate alarm clock outside of my phone very new for me actually just started practicing that i do a social media detox once a month so like there's i'll literally delete the apps from my phone completely and it's the best for how long for how long i do at least seven days wow every month consistently yeah wow that's so cool yeah also very new but it's working highly recommend and i don't say these things to like knock anybody because there's some people I know that can like very much so be on these platforms and like are so unfazed by it and it's great for them and I love that for them but I know myself yeah and I'm very very sensitive so kind of just just practicing those things has been super helpful for me on the on the mental side and then I would say on the spiritual side meditating has done so much for me like meditation and prayer I think just believing and having faith in something that is greater than you is is always helpful you know I think it's really hard to trust something that you can't see, that you can't physically feel or touch.

33:13But there's also something very magical when you tap into that. And there's been moments where my day will be so crazy. And I, you know, this is constantly trying to find time. How do we reset the mind? How do we reprogram? And I just think to myself, even after 10 minutes of meditation, there's another version of me on the other side of that, that will be so much better, so much capable. What part of me can't give myself 10 minutes today. So like that, that spiritual like tap in and like recentering for me is special sauce. And what type of meditation is that for you? What, what guided meditation still for me, because we've got a lot of thoughts these days, you know, and it's hard to silence them, but, uh, it's sometimes twice a day, you know, I, I try to do it twice a day, definitely in the morning or sometimes when I'm in the sauna, like post-workout, um, to kind of just really be in my body and then uh and then at night and i also do uh uh do you know wim wim hof yeah of course yeah yeah love it we've had wim on the show oh my god yeah another person i would like absolutely geek out to meet but honestly that that whole routine for me even like before shows just really relaxes the nervous system on that breath hold there's like a spiritual feeling that i have and sometimes i'll play like frequency during and it just like there's moments where i'm I'm like, oh my God, I'm totally coming out of my body right now.

34:36And this is so nice. Wow. Yeah. And what about prayer? You mentioned prayer there. Yes. Yeah. Prayer is super important. It's funny. I grew up in a very religious household. I'm very Mexican in that sense. My grandmothers are very Catholic and I'm much more spiritual than religious, I'd say. But I think seeing them in their dedication, seeing them in their practice was like very inspiring to me when I was younger. and also the communal aspect of it too. Like getting to pray with my grandmothers growing up is something very sacred to me. And I just think that, yeah, when I pray and I surrender, like let go and let God is like, I literally have it tattooed because it's important to know that you can't control everything.

35:18You just can't. You can control what you do, how you react to what's going on around you, but you can't actually control everything that's happening around you. And I struggle with that on a daily basis. Well said. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni sparkling tea with adaptogens for you. because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.

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36:41So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15 % off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. Those are beautiful routines. That's mental and spiritual. What about physical? There's not a version of me before this, I'd say age that would say, I love being in the gym. I love working out. So much to the point where I'm like, maybe I should prioritize sleep a little bit more than the gym. But good sleep, good diet, gym. Like feeling strong physically and knowing that I'm taking care of my body, again, like the vessel needs to be safe and it needs to be protected and provided for.

37:32And so I try my absolute best. But even in that sense, it's like, you know, not that my indulgent self takes over, but like enjoying the little things in life, like the balance, you know, like I love food. so the balance of that is like go burn it off in the gym girl and you'll be just fine I love that no and it's so beautiful that you're thinking about your life as those three legs to the table or the stool in your life because it is so interesting to me about how as soon as you take your eye off of one of them how much harder everything else becomes and yet when those three things are good like you said they can carry the weight even if it's getting really, really heavy, you still have a fighting chance almost.

38:15And I guess the thing that I found that has really helped me in that regard as well is making sure that I'm not trying to solve all three at the same time. It's almost like one at a time. Like I remember I always had my spiritual practice and then I added my mental practice and then I added my physical practice. And for me, that order worked really well. Whereas when you're trying to solve all three at the same time, then two, it's almost like saying if you're putting a table together using your analogy, you can't put all three legs on at the same time. It just doesn't work that way. You got to put one in properly, then the other one, and then the other one.

38:53I want to go back to something you said earlier. You talked about the need for quality connections instead of quantity connections. What is Becky G's definition of a quality connection? How do you view a quality connection? You know, I think it's when I feel safe in a room to be my true authentic self. And there's ways that my body used to tell me that this isn't authentic. There's something about this that doesn't feel right. And I would stay in the room because you're scared of how that might come off. Or again, the people-pleasing tendencies totally start to come through, right? I'm a performer by nature at this point because I've been doing this for longer than I've ever not been doing it.

39:32But I think it was just really understanding, man, like it feels really good when I can just show up and be me. And when I'm trying to be my authentic self, sometimes there's a little fumbling that happens or just sometimes it flows. Like right now, this feels like a quality connection. It's just flowing. I'm not really thinking about what could be said or what could be felt and how that might come off. And that feels to me, again, signed from the universe and really affirms that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. And so when I have those feelings that feel very affirmed in a moment, that is quality connection.

40:10And it might be with a stranger. There's been times where like, I mean, man, I'll be at the airport sometimes just killing time because I'm totally like my grandparents. I don't want to be late for a fight or something. And I'm just talking to like the person behind the bar and just like, how's your day today? And I walk away like, oh my God, Johnny was so sweet. I want to go to his mom's pizza shop. Like next time I'm in the city, I'm coming. Because there's like a true connection that's being made. And I think what we celebrate today is like followers, like how many followers you have, how many numbers you have streaming this.

40:41And it's like that I think is amazing when you're thinking from a business aspect. but even then truly like people want to support something that is real. I want to support something that is real, whether it be in my friendships, whether it be with my family, with my team, with my fans. And so, uh, yeah, I'd say that's what it is. It's like that authenticity. I could feel it. Yeah. And it's really interesting, right? You said that we almost all have a inner compass or an inner dial that tells us whether something feels authentic and aligned or it doesn't, but we tend to ignore it sometimes because of our people pleasing tendencies or whatever it may have been.

41:26When is the time in your life where you feel like you've ignored it and it's misled you or it's led you away from feeling how you feel now where you feel safe in yourself? Yeah, I definitely feel so reflective on like certain career moments where it was very easy for me to let other people make decisions for me. And then when it wouldn't work, be like, oh, I should have said something, you know? Oh, why didn't I say? Oh, but there wasn't enough time. There just wasn't enough time. And realizing like, man, I spent some key pivotal moments in my career, feeling like I was being far more reactive to what was happening than like proactive and setting myself up to like fully be present, you know, and I look back at it and I'm like, I'm very proud of myself for having made it through those moments.

42:16But like there was moments where, and this is like even deeper on like the experiences I used to have with like anxiety and panic attacks, you know, I didn't know that that was like my body physically telling me something's wrong. Like you're not okay. But because you're scared to let other people down, you're scared of what other people might say, you push through anyways. And I realized like, just because you can doesn't mean you should. And I think that that's one of my most valuable lessons for sure. Because there was, I mean, many moments before going onto a stage. And I mean, we're talking full-blown tears, can't breathe.

42:57If you've had a panic attack, you know the world is ending. And there's also this like subconscious part of you that's like, girl, breathe. Just breathe. You know what this is, you know? But your nervous system can't tell the difference between like the mental bear and the real bear that's in the room. And there's no bears in the room. So like chillax, it's okay, you know? Yeah, just being really young and in really high stress situations, like, you know you're everybody's boss but technically everybody's older than you and it's just such an interesting dynamic to have grown up in and so I think that that has been the most valuable lesson for me up until this point you know just like yeah just because you can doesn't mean you should yeah that's good advice yeah well said when you were talking about people pleasing there and that naturally happens in environments where like you said even though you're the boss everyone's older than you it's it's natural to want to please our elders in the same ways we try to please our parents and our family and i know you've worked a lot on therapy and that's a area of your life you've invested in deeply how is therapy or what work have you done in therapy that's helped you identify your people pleasing tendencies and allow you to start reframing and reshaping them because i think so many of us often work so hard at pleasing people that we end up displeasing and disconnecting from ourselves and we don't realize that in the attempt to make someone else happy we're making ourselves more unhappy and miserable and and the other person's not happy either because they can tell that it's not it's not coming from an authentic, genuine place.

44:39It's just coming from a place of like, I don't want to cause any trouble. So what's some of the work that you've done or what's some of the lessons that you've been able to illuminate about your triggers and where they come from and reframing how to people, how to move away from people, please? Yeah. Well, like I said, it's definitely like a daily practice for me, but I think a lot of the first, I would say like the first two years of therapy for me were very reactive to what was happening in real time. I wasn't really comfortable with the idea of shining a spotlight on what the root cause of anything was.

45:11You know, it was very ambiguous in the sense of like, it's got to be this, this, this, because this happened. And so going back to like the reactiveness of the first two years, for me is funny because, yeah, there was a lot of small fires that I had to put out in that moment. It was a very high stress time in my career, in my personal life, when I had first started therapy. But I think when I really surrendered to the fact that this goes so much deeper than just what's happening around me, but it's like how I exist in all of it. Like that is when I was like, oh yeah, this, this goes a lot deeper.

45:43And a lot of it is, you know, childhood stuff. And when I think about, you know, big part of my childhood was also shared in an industry that, you know, my parents were very, very young. They knew nothing about it, like quite literally. And even then I like to think I came out kind of okay, but you know, like they, they couldn't really protect me from much when it came to that stuff. And then the fact that they were young parents when they got married and had children, like they were babies raising babies. And so there was a lot of things I had to like learn for myself and teach for myself. And so I think having a lot more empathy for myself was like a big step in therapy because it was hard for me to accept the fact that I went without things.

46:27Like, what do you mean? But we tried our best, but we did what we had to do. I did what I had to do. There was just so much resistance to the fact that I still didn't get what I really needed. And so I think when you can just come from that space of empathy and compassion for yourself, that like everybody really was trying. You really were trying. And it still came out a little short, but hey, it's not too late. Like you can still learn. You can still learn, you know? And that was like, I would say the third year of therapy. And that's crazy because you're right. It's an investment. And even then, I mean, some of the types of work that I do.

47:03You know, I think when you take inventory on your life, you know, like really taking inventory on what your relationships with the people around you in your life look like and felt like from the moment you were born till this current day, inventory on memories, you know, experiences that you've had and your recollections of them. And then also kind of revisiting those with those people and being like, hey, what was your experience like in this? You know, it's the trippiest thing for me and my siblings. Cause I'm like, we did as have the same parents grow, but the same four walls around us. And we're all so different and we all process so different.

47:40Right. So going back to an even the deeper level of compassion and empathy, holding space for each other in that way. So beautiful. We didn't get to really doing that until we went into family therapy together. So thankful for the resource and opportunity to do that. Cause there's, there's a lot of times where I'm like, man, like we, things could have gone one or another way. And we kept choosing, you know, family. And we got to a point where like choosing family, this ride or die mentality of like, oh, you know, like, why do we have to ride or die? Why can't we just be, you know, like, nobody's going to ask that question.

48:15And I was the big sister who was like, you know, parentified. So I was like, I'm their parent. They're my, and they're like, we just want you to be our big sister. We don't need you to be our mom or our dad. And I'm like, what do you mean? I have to be. It was like all those rigid roles and stuff. So taking inventory was super helpful for me. Gave me so much perspective. And then recently I started doing like parts work, which we're talking about all the parts, you know, like, oh, there's a part of me that's still a child. I'm still freaking afraid of the dark. I have the amount of times I travel and I'm alone in my hotel room and I'm like, I'm going to sleep with the TV on just so it feels like somebody's here because it's a little scary in here.

48:52That's a part of me. You know, that's a part of me that's still trying to figure things out. It still feels a little lonely. It still feels a little lost. There's the boss part of me that feels super empowered and feels like such a visionary over the career that I've built for myself and excited to like continue to attack these like parts of the industry that quite literally need to just be broken down, you know, so more of me can get in there when I say more of me I mean other powerful women who have you know so much talent and so much just to offer in these spaces yeah it's it's beautiful I love the parts work yeah no and it's so beautiful to hear someone talk about it so thoroughly and thoughtfully and I think when you can articulate something effectively it means you're more likely to be able to process it up here yeah right when you can the feeling part yeah though that's that's the other part because I learned this from myself it's like Becky you're really good at intellectualizing your feelings but do you feel them cue the tears like I on purpose sometimes have to like get myself to that space to release because the body keeps count the body keeps score of all of what you go through so you can be like yeah I was really stressed I was really if you don't allow your body to feel it somatically like that's the other thing that for me I think I find myself like that was the manifestation of the panic attacks and things like that.

50:17Like, oh, right. Anxiety, depression. They're not the diagnosis. They're the result of. That was like, whoa, big knowledge for me. Cause I was like, oh yeah, I just have anxiety and depression. It's normal. Like I just have panic attacks all the time. Like, no, your body is telling you something. You are processing something that you aren't letting your body feel, you know it's again a hard reality because allowing yourself to feel it again is it almost goes back to that giving permission like just giving ourselves permission to feel giving ourselves permission to process something giving ourselves permission to allow for this paradox to exist when was the last time you cried this morning yeah yeah that's why i'm not crying right now no truly truthfully speaking it was this morning um it's such a stressful time you know and it's a It's a time where I feel like in my career, it's funny to me.

51:15I'm like, I can walk off a stage and feel like, oh, I want to do that all over again. And then leading up to a performance, I'm like, why do I do this to myself? This is torturous. But I like to think that I always regret not working out. I never regret the workout. And so I try to think about that way in my life. Like, oh, I got to do hard things. I was designed to do hard things, you know. But even then, acknowledging that it's hard is super important because then you can have that compassion and empathy for yourself. But if you don't acknowledge that it can be very challenging, you're not going to leave any room for that compassion and that empathy that you need to have for yourself in order to do those hard things.

51:56And so, yeah, your girl was crying. It was a full moon. It was all kinds of things. But it was good. It was a good cry. It's not always like a sad cry. Sometimes it's like a release, like a sense of relief, you know? Yeah. It's really interesting that if someone's natural reaction to something was to laugh, we'd see that as normal. But when someone's natural reaction to something is to cry, we see that as wrong. Yep. Or it's like, stop crying. Everything will be okay. We'd never say to someone, stop laughing. Everything will be okay, right? Or everything is okay. Like, it's really interesting to me which emotions we allow for in society and which emotions we try and block others and ourselves from having.

52:36and I find that the more we try and stop others from having a certain emotion it's usually because we block that in ourself for a long long time and I love that you cried this morning and that was a release for you and it was helpful for you and it's powerful yeah I think it's and I'm so glad you shared that with us today as well because at the moment we're experiencing a really vibrant abundant with your frequency and the interesting thing is when you were crying you were still vibrant and abundant. Like we shouldn't see that as not that, right? Just because it looks different. Hey, it's Rich Davis from Covino and Rich.

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54:23For me, it was my dad, my mentor, who believed in me when I was just getting started in journalism. A real-life example that showed me when you work with someone who knows a lot and cares even more, you're unstoppable. At Truist, that's exactly how they approach banking. Truist, leaders in banking, unwavering in care. See what knowledge and care can do for you at truest.com slash unstoppable. Truist, member FDIC, leading based on top 10 commercial bank. Yeah, definitely. And I think it's like, it goes back to like those core emotions, you know, really understanding like, again, what are the symptoms of those core emotions?

55:01And when I'm feeling this anxiety, when I'm feeling, is it coming from a place of fear? And do I just need to talk about it? Or am I experiencing such great joy that my body really doesn't know how to receive this right now? You know, or am I experiencing both? Because there's two things going on at the same time. And I think it's doing that that check in with yourself, that's super important, making time for it. You know, like I genuinely made time to cry today. And I'm very proud that I did that because I would be crying right now, which would have been totally fine as well. But, but I think it's also such a, it's such a sacred practice for me, not crying, but just checking in with myself that to be able to know how to do that and support myself in that way, instead of seeking it again in a space of validation when it feels too late and more reactive um or from people who maybe don't know how to do that for me it feels empowering to know oh i i got me i always got me you know oh i mean if we could all just feel like i've always got me and we don't all the time like i said it's it's a it's a it's a daily practice to make that effort and even then i fall short you know i've fallen short even for friends and family members of mine and i think that's that's when our human really shows, you know, like there's that window of tolerance and we can try to expand it as much as possible, but it's still a window, you know, like it's still a window.

56:25And some days it's this big and some days it can be this big. And so it's just like acknowledging and then expressing that too. Just letting everybody, hey, my window's really small today. It's Becky size. Or sometimes it's just like, yo, my window's big. We could fit a whole house through that thing, you know, everybody bring, come on in. It's nice. to just be able to vibe check like that. Yeah, and that's that daily, as you've used the word inventory, that daily check-in of like, where am I at? How am I feeling? What can I offer? Is today a internal day or an external day? Like I do that all the time too.

57:00There are certain days where I can literally be there for anyone and everyone and I am this outward person. And then there are days where I just want to be alone and be in silence and stillness and being able to accept that they're both one and the same thing yes that one is not a better expression of me and one is not a worse expression of me i think we still live in this world of what's right and wrong and better or bad good or bad i can't that's what i mean about the black and white thinking that i was talking about earlier and uh what's that story there's a story about the man uh and he says well we'll just have to wait and see basically um i'm totally not yes it's about the he's like a father and his son and this thing happens and then they're like oh i'm so sorry and he's like well we'll see you know we'll see and it actually you know there's so many things that you think are a bad thing right quote unquote bad thing that are happening but in reality it's a good thing and uh and then maybe maybe it turns out to not be a good thing you just never know you know but i like to think uh that everything happens for you not to you like that is my that is my my mojo these days.

58:11Everything is happening for me, not to me. And it's interesting how the way you exist in those spaces will actually shift because you realize, oh, this is in my favor. I'm supposed to learn something from this. I'm supposed to gain something from this. And that's why the whole concept of failure and success, navigating this industry since such a young age, there's songs of mine that I love, that I thought deserved to be the number one song. And they're probably like the lowest streaming, whatever, you know, but it's like, what it means to me is a win. Like that is a success to me. That's not a failure, you know?

58:48And so it's like redefining what, what success means to you, uh, redefining what greatness is. It's redefining what all of the stuff that life has to offer and saying, no, this is happening for me, not to me, for me. I just think it's so, yeah. Yeah. For anyone who's wondering the story that Becky was referring to which she just encapsulated in that point it's a beautiful zen story about a man and his son and the man buys his son a horse or actually his son finds a horse i believe and comes home riding this beautiful horse and all the villagers are like wow this is amazing like he's just so incredible that he could tame this wild horse and now he's riding it and look how elegant it is and the man said the father says, good thing, bad thing, who knows?

59:38Or maybe let's see. And then the next thing that happens is that the son's riding the horse and then he gets thrown off the horse. And when he gets thrown off the horse, his leg gets fractured and he has to have an operation and surgery and whatever else. And everyone in the village is like, oh my God, this is the worst thing that's ever happened. Oh no, oh no, oh no. And the man says, good thing, bad thing, who knows? Or maybe let's see and then after that they come and recruit everyone in the village to join the army because they've got to defend themselves but this guy can't go and everyone's like you're so lucky your son's not going because his leg's broken all of our sons have gone we're going to miss them and the man says good thing bad thing who knows or maybe let's see and it continues that way that it's and it's really hard in the moment to live that way because when it feels like because our mind has been trained in that good and bad when something bad is happening it feels like nothing good can come from it and the interesting thing is when something good happens we're also equally convinced nothing bad can come from this and the truth is those two moments can switch so quickly and i've been at the intersection of both of them in my life and i've just found that not seeing things as good or bad, but seeing them as just learning and lessons and healing and growth.

1:00:56And what you just said, which is that it's all about what's happening for us. if we can just live in that way it's better than the dichotomy of good and bad positive and negative oh jay shuddy ladies and gentlemen i just yeah yeah i mean you definitely told the story better than i did no no i'm just filling in the gaps no but i i really appreciate you going into that that much detail because i think that is i i wish that for the future generations to really know that to really know that there is no such thing as as good or bad there's just you just doing doing what you can do for yourself whatever that looks like you know and and unfortunately I think what happens for a lot of youth that grows up in you know communities like the ones I grew up in it's like we're doing a lot of things that we were never taught you know like we were doing a lot of things that we were never taught.

1:01:53And so there's a lot of like self-doubt that creeps in. There's a lot of shame that creeps in. There's a lot of, oh, you know, do I trust myself or do I just stay where I'm comfortable? And it's just like, nah, just do the best that you can. Whatever that looks like, just do the best that you can. You know, and I feel proud that there's moments in my life that I can look back at and say, wow, I really showed up for myself, you know, in the best way I knew how to maybe would look a little different today but even then like very proud nonetheless and so yeah i i hope that for the future generations that they leave room for themselves to know that good thing bad thing i don't know guess we'll see you know yeah yeah yeah and you know it's you know what's really interesting becky i obviously i went so i went on tour for the first time this year how was it it was what you just hard it was hard and grueling and exhausting and at the same time the most fulfilling beautiful powerful thing we did I think it was around just under 40 cities across the world and it was insane as an experience and I'm so grateful I did it but I couldn't do anything else but that for the time that I was out I think overall we did that in like 80 days all of that and it was it was a lot of travel and everything else but I was obviously touring for my book eight rules of love and it was really interesting to me because there were there were lots of moments so the difference about for those of you who came to my show you already know but it wasn't a speech or a lecture it was literally like a social experiment where i would take people up from the audience people would be in uncomfortable situations there'd be humor there were moments where people were sharing their story with the entire you know thousands of people in the room it was really moving and there was one area where we really focused a lot on and it was this idea of how the biggest space we lose ourselves is often in romantic relationships.

1:03:46And romantic relationships tend to be the relationships where we invest the most of us and often find that we leave feeling the most broken or hurt or whatever it may have been. And I wanted to ask you, like, how have you looked at healing through romantic relationships that you've had? We've talked a lot about platonic friendship, family and life, but romantic relationships tend to affect us deeper. I don't know if you agree with that or feel that way, but. Yeah. I mean, I'm a sucker for love. I love love. So am I. So I get it. And I'm so excited to talk about this with you because I know you are.

1:04:21And I think for me, it's because it doesn't get any closer to your heart than that. You know, this is the type of experience that isn't, that's actually chosen. You're not born into, you know, you're not placed into. This is a space of choice. I enjoy this person. I enjoy the time that's spent with this person. And I think that there's so much to be revealed in a dynamic like that about yourself. And you don't realize it because sometimes you're so focused on the other person on the other side that when you realize like, oh, this is actually about me too. You know, it's as close to your heart as it gets.

1:05:00And I think my healing in that is the deepest it's gotten of how do I exist in these spaces you know the the self-accountability part the self-reflective part of like what part of me shows up in these spaces and going to the parts work and stuff that I've done in therapy it's just like yeah it's powerful it's as I think it's it's as powerful as I could ever get because it's the most revealing of your weaknesses of your weaknesses yeah and your vulnerabilities and and all of that stuff and also maybe not your weaknesses but also your strengths you know it can show you like just how strong you are how giving you can be to someone finding parts of yourself that you didn't know existed you know i think it's a very inspiring space to be in.

1:05:51I was talking, I was to say, talking about this with a friend, but funny enough, is somebody who also works in the industry. And she goes, oh, amiga, I used to be told all the time that I'm so unlucky in love. And I begged it to, I've been so lucky in love. And I'm like, it's that, that change of, of mindset of knowing that like everything is happening for us, not to us. And I think that when I think of my journey of healing and relationships, you know, some of my earliest relationships and how I existed in them. And then the ones that I've had in like my, my, you know, teenage years, young adult years, um, and how they evolve and how you change so much, so much.

1:06:30What have you turned to that you'd encourage other people to turn to, to find that strength within themselves and that connection with themselves when it almost feels like the foundations are broken, like those three legs are just destroyed. Yeah. Well, are the three legs actually destroyed? I think it's like, again, it's a, it's an opportunity to reflect inward. What is real? What is not real? And going back to like what's happening in the real world versus what's happening, what's happening on social media, it's not always reflective of the same thing, you know, and, and one's experience in something can be so different than someone else's, but leaving room for yours is super important.

1:07:09And then also being selective and who you share that with, because it is such a sacred thing, you know? And I think that's been one of the most revealing things for me in this, you know, chapter of my life is like, who do I share with, with everything? Who do I share with? Who deserves to be in these spaces with me, in my pain, in my peak, in my process, all of those things. Like I, I deserve to have filters. I deserve to hold space. I deserve to just be and not have to explain, you know? And I, and I think being a person who's grown up on social media, there has been so many times in my life where I've just been like, no, no, no, but I did it.

1:07:59And then what you say, how you say it, who said it, always gets mixed up, always gets used against you in some shape or form. And I think for me, it's just like, no, I'm good. Because my three legs are good. They've been solidified. They're being catered to. They're being taken care of. And so my table is standing, you know, and I'm proud of that. I'm very proud of that. To me, it's really powerful what you just said now around the idea of we get so lost in a conversation that's happening outside of us that isn't actually reality. And so almost we're looking at the wrong things. We're arguing about the wrong things.

1:08:44We're internally having a debate about something that isn't the thing. I actually had a friend I was talking to a week ago and we were discussing you know he's been going through some stuff and there was someone in his life that he had some

1:09:06rightful animosity towards right like it would be it would be okay for him to feel this certain way about it and i was asking him what was the big win and what was the ego win and i was asking him like what is really the win in this situation and he was saying the win in this situation is that my family member can move on from what they've been going through and I said what's the ego win and the ego win was that person's life is ruined right the other person that that they were mad at yeah and it was really interesting like just looking at it from that perspective of like it's natural to have the ego win become strong in a situation but then when you look at the bigger picture and you zoom out, you're like, oh, actually now when I make sense of this, that actually is irrelevant to what I really care about.

1:09:56Does that make any sense? Yeah. A hundred percent. And so I think to me, it's, I'm always reflecting on that. Like what's my ego win in this scenario and what's the bigger win in this scenario. And that only comes when you take a step back. And what you said, you look at the reality and you look at the filter that you just talked about. To me, that's the biggest one. And I love how you said it wasn't just about the pains, it was the peaks. It was the peaks too. That's so well said. Like, who's the first person you want to call when you win? And who's the first person you call when you want to lose?

1:10:28Yeah. And there's a filter to that. There is a filter to that on what the qualifications of someone, anyone, in any way that comes into your space. And I think going again, it's so crazy. Everything goes back to my childhood of just being like, giving, giving, giving, giving. When do you take? And not take just to take. I mean, like receive, you know, like that to me is like the thing to really be just thoughtful about. And so those filters are, again, constantly being reevaluated for me. And that's why I say growing up. I'm not grown up. I'm growing up. And I'm sure, you know, the same way I felt this, I felt such a strong sense of self at 16.

1:11:13And I look back at her and I'm like, you couldn't give me some of that girlfriend. I don't know what that was or what you was on, but you were, you were locked in, but also not aware of what was really out there in the world. And so you go out in the world and you see what's out there and you're learning and you're adapting and you're taking all these things in and things start to feel a little different. Your surroundings, your circumstances, they all shift. And then, you know that this is how I feel at 26 who's to say I'm not going to feel any different when I'm 36 you know and then 46 and so on and so I think just like leaving room again for that like that humanness and that being in process and the filters you know like not the filters we see on social media but the the real filters that matter you know we can't just be drinking any water you can't just drink any you can get really sick by drinking just any water you know but if Also, if you just drink only purified water, you're not getting the minerals that you need.

1:12:05You're not getting, you know, so you can't, you can't be too guarded. Yeah. Because then that's a very lonely space to live in, you know, to have these walls that no one could ever get through. But, but if you have no walls, you have no, no boundaries, no anything and everyone and anyone can come in whenever they want to. I don't think that's a way to live life either, you know? So I like to think of the house that I was born into had no roof sometimes, you know. Maybe some of the doors were a little funky. There was no locks on the doors and the windows are a little broken. But there comes a time where you grow up and you can say, oh, I don't have to live in this house anymore.

1:12:46I can go build a new house. I can build my own house where the windows, I can open and close them as I want to. Check the blinds or let in the light. There's locks on my doors I can let people in And share in my space And share a meal with them And even if they'd like to move into my house Because I choose for them to be in that house Beautiful But also there's locks on my doors And not just anybody can come into my house You know Knowing that Knowing that I've provided a roof over my head That yeah if it rains We're good We're fine You know It can come crashing down And I will be safe. I think that's beautiful.

1:13:28We're all building our own houses that look very different than the houses we grew up in. Hey, it's Rich Davis from Covino and Rich. The Toyota Tundra and Tacoma are designed to outlast and outlive, backed by Toyota's legendary reputation for reliability. So get in a Tundra with the available iForce Max hybrid engine, delivering exceptional torque and towing capacity. Or check out a Tacoma with available off-road features like crawl control. It could take you back to the trails. Toyota trucks are built to last year after year, mile after mile. So don't wait. Get yours today. Visit buyatoyota.com for deals and more.

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1:14:43So when the pressure's on, you remember the people who helped you get this far, whose knowledge guided you, and whose care kept you grounded. For me, it was my dad, my mentor, who believed in me when I was just getting started in journalism. A real-life example that showed me when you work with someone who knows a lot and cares even more, you're unstoppable. At Truist, that's exactly how they approach banking. Truist, leaders in banking, unwavering in care. See what knowledge and care can do for you at truest.com slash unstoppable. Truist, member FDIC, leading based on top 10 commercial bank. That is so powerful.

1:15:20Becky G, dust off his shoulder. That was like - Thank you, thank you. No, that was so powerful. Like I love that analogy. It's so true. There are some people you only meet in restaurants. There are some people who make it to the porch of the front door. There are some people who make it inside to the living room. There are some people who you'll cook a meal for. Some people just order in for. And there's some people who not everyone's allowed into your private spaces, your bedroom, you know, like I think for people to know that they can set how intimate they want to be with different people and that there isn't a policy that exists outside of that.

1:16:00It's something you have to set for yourself is such an important thing to remind people because I think people feel forced through stages. They feel uncomfortable through the different steps and for you I mean you just referred to the home I was wondering I think it was was it when you were nine years old that the home you grew up in yeah I was I was uh it didn't burn down so the economy at the time was just it was a very scary time there was a recession happening and I just think that you know at the time my parents were so young they had no idea they were first-time homeowners no idea really what type of mortgage they had gotten you know committed to and you hope for the best, but not necessarily prepared for the worst, you know?

1:16:42This was one of those things where I think, I mean, thank God for our families that we had, like this family support that we had, because we lost everything. We lost our home. I went from having like my first own bedroom. Like most of my life I shared up until that point, I'd shared a bedroom with my siblings, all three of them. And so I remember this house that we were living in, It was the first year I had ever had my own room and I was so excited. I was like, this is what Lizzie McGuire has. This is what like all the girls on Disney Channel, they get to put posters up on their wall and they get to like, you know, rhinestone their closets and whatever.

1:17:20And I just remember like being so excited about moving into that house. And then when we lost it, just feeling like, oh, well, that didn't last for very long. I think like subconsciously that started something in my mind that felt like, oh, when you have good things, they go away. Nothing lasts forever. So don't hold on to it too tight. And I'm thankful for like the flexibility that that gave me in life. But it also makes me very sad for my younger self that really believed that everything good that happened to me came with a really hard price to pay. You know, so like if you have good things, oh, you got to be ready.

1:17:58Got to be ready for something that, you know, for the shoe to drop. And so we moved into my grandparents' converted garage in Inglewood. where I was born. And it was a garage, I would say the size of the studio, actually. And it was all six of us, my mom, my dad, my two brothers and my sister. And there was bunk beds. I slept on the bottom bunk with my sister and my brothers up top and my parents on the futon bed that, you know, they would make a couch during the day. So we'd have a little bit more room. And we had a pop-up table from Ikea that I would do my homework on and eat my cereal. that was the knockoff brand of Cocoa Puffs, not the real one.

1:18:34All to fast forward to the day that I decided, you know, I want to do this. I was obsessed with, which is really funny to me. I had mentioned Lizzie McGuire, blonde, white girl. I mentioned I was obsessed with Shirley Temple, young, blonde, white girl. I was obsessed with Dakota Fanning, blonde, white girl. I don't know what it was, but it was something about how young they were and how like empowered they were. And they were doing these like very adult things, you know, they were like, they were the heroes of the stories that they were doing and acting. And I just remember thinking like, oh, I want to do that.

1:19:11Like I want to, and shout out to the internet. I go on Google and I look up like, what do you need to do? Or what, who represents Dakota Fanning and all these things? Like, how do you become an actress? And my first agency that I signed with at nine years old was Osbrink Agency. C. Shout out to my first agents. And at the time they were representing Dakota Fanning. And I did not know what the heck a monologue was. I didn't know what headshots were. I didn't know any of that was. But I just knew I really wanted to learn. I really wanted to do this. And a huge shout out to my parents, too, because, again, they knew nothing about this.

1:19:47They had three other kids, you know, to take care of, too. And the drive from Inglewood to Hollywood is, you know, with traffic Like especially, it's not very close. LA County is big, but they really supported me through that. And I have like a little, like I printed out a little contract to my parents. And I said, give me six months, just six months. And if nothing happens, then like, okay, like, you know, that's fine. Like I'll leave you alone. We'll pretend this never happened. Or we can renegotiate our terms. Now we can renegotiate our terms after six months if all goes well. and yeah going back to just like that instinct that agency that empowerment that I felt to just like to do this thing that no one in my family had ever done like there was really no point of reference and I'm glad I did it because I look back at the garage which is like still a real place where my family still lives you know there's there's a lot of things up there my grandma has a couple of like little shrine things of like, oh, you know, I'm like, grandma, this isn't a museum.

1:20:52There's people walking by the house and they're like, is this the house that Becky lived in? My grandma's like, absolutely. I'm like, no, very sacred space. Oh, but yeah, it's like, it's crazy to like look back at and think like, this is, you know, this is where it all started. That fire within me that felt like, no, I can really do this. Like, let's, let's try this. that's so spectacular that's special that's special how so many big dreams start from so many small places and and small places within us too yep and i was gonna ask you that like how have you now that you're building this new home that has windows that work and has doors that have locks what's changed about how you decide and define how someone gets to get closer to you and and connected to you like what has changed what has evolved what have you learned growing up about who you allow close yeah i think it's like again it comes back to knowing not anything has to be concrete you know you can you can vibe with people you can enjoy beautiful moments with people and then the moment that something doesn't feel right, you can speak to that and everything is always, to me, always owed a conversation.

1:22:08I've had friendships in my life that just in all honesty, I outgrew and there's all love and it was a conversation and it's sometimes that simple but I think it's just like leaving room for that growth. Just like, it's gonna change. That's the point. Like we grow, like we change. Going back to the ice cream, seven years ago it was chocolate. today is frozen yogurt you know i'm still hurt by that because i love chocolates i'll give it a try again but you know like you're literal like you're even your physical body changes why wouldn't our minds and our hearts also expand and change in those ways too you know so i think it's like and it's not just in the way that i hope to be received by other people but it's just it's also like or like how i hold space for other people it's also like being around people who hold that same space for me you know like i think understanding that these are like mutual spaces right like it's empowering when you're like oh this is a choice yeah like i get to choose to be here you got to choose to be here like and we're here together like that to me has been the most beautiful part of my like evolution and healing is like man like when i go on tour my fans buy their tickets because they chose to be there.

1:23:26Like, you know, the same way I chose to walk onto that stage. Like, let's not rob ourselves of that, like empowerment, that agency that we have over our lives to decide, to choose what's good for you, what's best for you, what motivates you, what inspires you. And that can be the bad things. That could be the hard things. That could be the, because there's no such thing as good, bad, whatever, you know, it just is. You know, when I was speaking to you and I love this and I love it when I get to experience it in someone because I think it's quite rare, but you just have such a like strong spirit of just like positivity, mindset.

1:24:08Like obviously you're working on all of these things as we've been talking about today. And I love seeing it be so tough in someone. I'm not saying that, of course, like you said, you cried this morning. I'm not saying without, I'm actually more tough. I'm not saying tough in the sense that there isn't any pain or stress, of course. And to me, the display of, to yourself of pain is even tougher to be able to admit to yourself that, hey, I'm working on this stuff. how have you stayed so open to that mindset of trust and forgiveness for yourself and others when it almost seems like there's so many reasons to not be that way yeah if that makes sense well I think it's just going back to like it makes it makes it easier for our human mind to see things in black and white right it makes our life easier but actually it doesn't I feel like it cuts us short from the experience that we're supposed to have.

1:25:07Like, I believe in karmic energy. I believe that like, we are here for a reason. You know, there's, there's, we're here on purpose. There's a purpose to our pain, to our, our, our happiness, to our greatest joys, to our anger. There's purpose to all of it. And so I think just like really allowing yourself to be open to it is, is where I think I find it. It's like, it is that story of the father and his son. Like, I don't think that there's these practices that have been around for like generations and generations and decades, you know, to think that like, yeah, it's just a bunch of hocus pocus, you know, like, I just don't, I don't think so.

1:25:50Like, I think that's why I have a hard time trusting like the power of technology sometimes. That's a whole other conversation, but it hasn't been around long enough for me to really understand what this is and what it's capable of and the impacts that it has like i said on on the future generations like it is it's intimidating and i think but you got to be open to it because if it cuts our processing time you know by half and our kids can learn more that's great but i believe in balance i believe that we need balance as human beings and i think that there's just so much more to this life than just being like well i don't like you it's like okay Well, maybe there's something in that person that you don't like that actually reflects something that you don't like about yourself, but you're not ready for that conversation.

1:26:35You know, some people just aren't and that's totally fine. But I am that person. Like put, yeah, I love it. I really do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can sense that. I could tell that. And it's fun to watch. I think it's really meaningful to see it in someone. You've talked about having guardian angels. and I wanted to ask you when do you feel most connected to your guardian angels oh um I feel like my faith journey is very interesting because it was something that I was introduced to again at a very very young age because I grew up in a very religious family my mom was kind of the one to break that up for us which I'm very thankful for because it allowed me the opportunity to kind of find it on my own instead of it be something that was forced.

1:27:22Because like my mom, I remember many times she'd tell me stories, you know, your grandma would just call us in. We'd be like playing outside, having the time of our lives. She's like, kids don't even play outside anymore, you know? But here, there we were like playing outside and my mom would make us come inside and pray the rosary. And we'd be like, again, come on, grandma, come on, mom, you know? And what I loved is like, Like as a kid, I would have so many questions. Like I'd tell my mom, like, you know, sometimes when I was little, this is very funny. My grandma would sometimes be like, kind of insinuate like, oh, you know, people who don't go to church are like, they're on the bad list, the naughty list, right?

1:27:58And so my mom would be like, you know how grandma is, you know, we're going to go to Diosito's house, you know, which was like to go to church. We're going to go to Diosito's house. I'm like, why doesn't Diosito come to our house? Like, why can't he come to our house? Like, what's this concept of us having to go to him? Why can't he come to us? Like challenging these things all the time. And I just remember just thinking like, no, spirituality is a mutual connection with source, with greater source. And for me, my connection with God is just like, yeah, like he loves me regardless. There's times where I pray and I mean, some of the stuff that I share, I'm just like, you know what I mean?

1:28:33You know what I mean? You know? And I think that that's like, I love that for me, that I was able to discover that faith. And I feel so protected. in some of the moments that are so simple. I mean, not just like in my moments of deep confusion or like pain when I am challenged to like surrender that control, right? When I say I practice, like go let God. But even just like when I'm by myself in my house, like making my coffee and I'm playing like, I don't know, a certain song will come on, like on my playlist. And I'm just like, that's my grandpa. I know it. Like I know it, you know, or today.

1:29:09A big thing for me is dragonflies. I have a dragonfly tattoo and they definitely represent something very significant for me. And I mean, for months now, on the way here, dragonflies. I was like, oh, everything's going to be fine. I love that. We're chilling. I love that. That's beautiful. And it's wonderful to have these notes and signs and, you know, moments that make us feel aligned. We all need them in some capacity. And I think we all look for them because we're all trying to feel connected to something higher and bigger and more powerful than ourselves, whatever it may be, whether it's in the world or whether it's beyond.

1:29:50And it's nice hearing about your spiritual journey and how it's evolved because it is so personal. And there's a beautiful statement, I believe it was said by David Lynch. and he said that prayer is you talking to God and meditation is God talking to you. And I've always loved that, that idea of God, universe, whatever you call it, but the idea that prayer is when you're speaking and meditation is when you're listening. Yes. And that communication is mutual. As you said, it's this two-way connection. It's not a one way as it's often portrayed or comes across. and I really find that as well that sometimes my job is to stop talking and just listen yep and so often we're just talking too much you're trying to figure it all out or problem solving and that listening ability is so lost in the art of communication a hundred percent yeah yeah it's that's why I said you know everything is always a conversation I think that's how we should look at even things I can't talk back to me my my dogs that live in my mom's house you know all I love them so much.

1:30:57There is a mutual love. They can't necessarily talk back to me, but I listen. I take the time to like connect with them, you know? But I think it's about being that type of, you know, intentional type of person, I guess, when you're having these daily practices. And that's why I think when I like meditate, like there was like a shift instead of saying like, what do I want? What do I feel right now? It's like, what do you want? Like it's serve. You have to ask your subconscious, you have to bring parts of yourself forward, you know, to really receive what that is because our psyche is like, it's crazy.

1:31:32There's certain things that I've unpacked in therapy. I was like, oh, I didn't even remember that that happened, you know? Like, and it's, it's because our minds are very powerful. Our minds were designed to protect us, right? Like our human body wants to survive and avoid death at all costs, but our spirit needs death. Our spirit needs death. The thing of giving up something to then have a rebirth of something else to gain something else. Like you have to be willing to do that. You know, like there's so many parts of myself that I think, you know, I, I have kind of like resolved with, and it's beautiful to look back at, like that's, that's skin that I needed to shed.

1:32:21That's a beautiful thing. But there's like, you know, parts in that, that probably people I grew up with, people that knew me to be a certain way that was more beneficial for them, um, would probably be like, she changed. Yeah. Like, no, I did. I actually did. I did change, you know, and I don't think that's a bad thing so it's funny how yeah spirit can need something different than like what our body is like designed for and you're like no no it's not the literal thing it's it's the shedding you know it's the shedding that needs to happen yeah becky it's been such a joy talking to you today and i'm so glad that we've finally connected in this way we've got to share your abundant energetic spirit with everyone through this so much episode and i'm hoping that everyone who listens to it can kind of you know walk away feeling that positive energy through your voice through your energy into them as well because i really feel like it's come across for me too like you just yeah you just have this spark and i'm hoping that everyone today got to feel a bit of it but we end every on purpose episode with our final five which is a question that has to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum so becky g these are your final five uh the first question is what is the best advice you've ever heard or received you miss a hundred percent of the shots you never take i think that's one sentence right yeah yeah that's good i was like it's supposed to really be one word that was no no one word to one sentence is fine uh question number two what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received i don't know i'm that i'm that positive patty i'm like even those negative things they're a positive thing ah i would say um just make sure you really think about it it's like no you could overthink it yeah that's what i would say just make sure you really think about it really think about what you're saying yeah or really think about you know what it is that you're asking for no no i trust my gut i'd say probably that's the worst advice you should really think about that yeah got it question number three what is something you're currently trying to unlearn definitely people pleasing what's the hardest part about giving it up uh it's just second nature you don't even realize like how you practice that on a daily basis you know like i said growing up in this industry just it i feel like there's a lot of child stars that are set up to not be very successful as adults who are trying to take agency over their own life and so uh just knowing that like your feelings matter how you feel matters and also not everybody needs to participate in that and that even if you spent your whole life trying to please everyone chances are they'll still be upset with you yeah for something else yeah and again maybe it has more to do with them than it does you so totally yeah great all right question number four what's something that you used to value that isn't important anymore i would say like the optics the optics of what it is to like be in like the limelight like going back to like that thing that like oh everybody needs to like you and like you know you gotta you gotta feed the beast or whatever i don't i don't think i really value that anymore i value like my my personal piece more than anything else i like that yeah beautiful fifth and final question if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow what would it be oh that everybody practiced and had access to some form of therapy yeah i'd love for to be able to help that happen yes yeah the access to to resource i think is is very crucial but i think i would make that like immediate like starting today sign on the dotted line like i think we all deserve safe spaces i don't think we have enough of them well said becky j everyone thank you so much becky for having so much presence openness vulnerability with us here today and everyone who's been listening or watching make sure you tag me and becky with your favorite moments i love seeing what stuck with you maybe what's helped you maybe something you're going to pass on to a friend because you know they need to hear it i know Becky and I would love to see that please make sure you do that Becky thank you so much I can't wait for everyone to go and stream Eskinas right now it's available if you're listening right now you can go stream right right now so go to everywhere you listen to music and go and listen in but thank you so much Becky thank you I really appreciate you so much thank you so much if you love this episode you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion My fears are only going to continue to show me what I'm capable of.

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