Benny Blanco: 3 Ways to Stop Caring About Failure & Get Out of Your Own Way

27:16I would never, like, there's no reason to do that. And what made me keep going back? I don't know, sheer just will and drive. Like, that's like, I just was like, what, that's what they're trying to do. They want me. They want me to quit. They want me to, you know, and like, I don't know. I always, I don't know why I do it. And I wonder, you know, sometimes I sit in bed and I'm like, why am I still working, like, so hard? Like, I still work and I'm like, Like I've never done a thing in my life. Like I'm still wake up every morning. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna do this. Then I'm gonna do this.

27:51And then I swear I'm gonna get this thing. And I always, that's why I try to do different things that I'm not necessarily great at to, not that I'm not great at, but that I don't have, you know, in music, I can go in, I can work with anyone, I can do this. But like, yeah, like making a cookbook, being in a TV show, I've never done these things. So it's like very interesting to me to start at the bottom again and just like try to work my way up. It's fun. I love the climb. Like that's my favorite part about life. Even everything, like in a relationship, when you meet that person at the very beginning, it's like, oh, I gotta like make my way into their heart and they have to make their way into mine.

28:30And it's just all about, I don't know, getting there is always the best. And then when you're there, I'm just like, all right. What else can I, I wanna get some, you know what I mean? So when you're like, you know, you do the music stuff and you get there and you're like, I think the only thing where you get there and it just keeps getting better is in a relationship with someone. I think that's like the only time you get there and you're like, okay, this is cool. Like, but every other time I'm just like, okay, cool. Like, let's go. Having the right people in your corner to support you is a great form of self-care.

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32:32What do you think makes relationships different that makes you feel that way as opposed to music? Or anything else, any other achievement, not music? Well, I've never been in a relationship the way that I've been in one with music because it's been like a 30-year relationship. So I have no idea what happens 30 years from now in a relationship. but uh I just feel like in a relationship is like all these other things I'm doing there's so many like tentacles like it's like you go this way and then you guys explore that together and you're exploring so many it's basically anything I would explore in my life I'm exploring with a partner and so it's like figuring out like you guys are like figuring out things together and it's so cool when you have like a partner that like, I don't know, like, I just get the feeling like, it's awesome when you can have a partner that you look at and you're in, it's like the end of the day.

33:25And you're like, Oh, what did you do today? And they tell you and you're like, that's so tight. And you're like, I want to do more like when you can feed off of each other and just keep growing together. It's like every day is a new experience. And you guys are like facing different things together. And it's, I don't know, it's cool. And I always tell my friend, I was just talking to my friend yesterday about this. I was like, you always have to keep your work and life balance. And I was like, because you can feel it in the music and, and art, if you don't have love or you don't have something.

33:59So I always tell them, I always feel that it's just like this. I have like rules like every day. Like I only work till like a certain time. I make sure I, you know, like cooking is very important to me and therapeutic. So I make sure I do that. Like It's like Xanax to me. And I have all my things that I have to do to make that balance because I do push myself. I shove my head through that wall, just that drywall if I had to. But at the same time, I try to do all the things. It's like, okay, every Sunday I see my mom no matter what, every single Sunday at the exact same time. It doesn't matter if I stay up all night.

34:36I'll just go right into seeing her. And it's just like we have a ritual we do. And then I have like my ritual where I go and get my groceries at the farmer's market every weekend. And there's just all these things that help keep you on track and grounded so you can keep doing what you're doing. You know, I mean, I'm sure you have things like that for yourself. Absolutely. I mean, mine's similar. I call my mom at the same time every week because she's back in London where I was born and raised. And so I have the same time I call her on the weekend. And yeah, there's certain things that have to be done that way.

35:07And same with you. And, you know, I have a certain time as well that I switch off from work and I'm not looking at my phone. I have a time in the morning of like three hours of being awake before I'm doing any work. I have to take that time for myself. But what's interesting about what you're saying is that there's a myth, obviously, that the broken hearted artist can pour into the music. But you're actually saying that if you have love in your life, that can also be felt through music. Yeah, I think that at times it's good to have a broken heart, but it's also good. You know, there's a time and place for everything.

35:38What time you wake up? I wake up now at 5.30 a.m. What time did you wake up before? Usually it was like, this year has been different. This year I've been really prioritizing 5.30, but up until last year, it's probably like 6 to 6.30. And what time do you go to bed? I go to bed at like 9 p.m. now. Really? Yeah, I love my eight hours of sleep. So if I get into bed at 9, I'll be out by 9.15. and then if I wake up at 5.30, I've had like eight hours and 15 minutes of sleep. What are you doing in those first three hours? Meditating for a lot of it. So I'll wake up at 5.30, I'll be ready to sit down for meditation by like 5.45 or meditate for an hour and a half and then 7.15, I'll go for a hike or go to the gym or yeah, usually a hike or the gym from 7.15 till about 8.15, 8.30, get ready and then 9 a.m.

36:25I'll take my first emails, meetings or that kind of stuff. So I think you came at 10 today. Yeah. Hour and a half. 11. Hour and a half is, that's a good meditation. Hour and a half, how do you even stay focused? Well, I think it's a good question. And I always say to people that when I started, it wasn't one and a half hours. Like you start up with doing like seven minutes, 20 minutes, 40 minutes. And what I found was just in the same way as if you go to a trainer at the gym, you'd hope that they work out more than you. so as someone who teaches meditation and helps people with mindfulness i believe that as a trainer and as a coach i have to do it for more time and deeper time because otherwise if i'm only doing it for seven minutes and i'm mentoring you and you're only doing it for seven minutes then how will i ever have an experience to guide you deeper and so i've been doing that since i was 18 now so it's been a long time and when i was a monk for three years it was longer and that's where i got that deepest experience of practice for it so i feel like if i didn't have those three years of going really deep into the practice, I may not have the focus I have today.

37:31You were a monk? For three years. Yeah. Like a real monk? A real monk. That's insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never met a monk. I'd love to show you pictures. I've never even met a monk. Yeah. I'd love to show you. I'm not anymore, but yeah. How long? When? So you still haven't met a monk. Where, where, what, when was this? So I, this was 2010 to 2013. And I was a monk across India, UK, and Europe. I traveled between the three. And I had a shaved head. I wore robes. I slept on the floor. We meditate for like four to eight hours sometimes a day. And so it was a deeper practice. Standard. Standard eight hours.

38:02Eight hour meditation is crazy. When do you do anything else? Well, sometimes you didn't. That was the point. An eight hour meditation is wild. Isn't that sleeping? Yeah. I mean, you can count it as the same thing. We sleep for eight hours. Yeah. You know, the hardest part for me with meditating is that I instantly fall asleep. I can fall asleep very easily. So I'll tell you why though. The reason why that happens during meditation or any practice of that sort is your body and mind are finally coming into sync. And so it's your body saying, I need sleep right now. And so if you're falling asleep during meditation, it's not a bad thing.

38:38It's just you've literally, because what's happening when you're not falling asleep is your mind saying, we got to do more. We got to do more. And then finally, when you become present, you fall asleep because your body's saying, I've done enough today. Where do you do these meditations? I have a little meditation room. I'll take you to afterwards. I want to do a meditation with you. All right, we'll do it. I want to learn. You know, I've done it. There was like a time in my life when I was going through Rough Patch. And then like, you know, I was going to therapy and I was meditating and stuff.

39:07And it actually helped me so much. Yeah, wow. It helped me. What was that during? What were you going through? When everything first started happening for me all at once, it was like really overwhelming. I was, you know, for the first like year or two, I was like, oh, this is awesome. And then like it really hit me because, you know, so many different responsibilities and people asking you for money. And like I just didn't grow up in a way like I had never I didn't even imagine, you know, I was I was young when I made it. So I was like I didn't really I didn't even realize about like money. And then I'm like, oh, my God, I have this.

39:43What do I do with it? And then it's like, I have all the success and people need things from me and people want, and it was just too much. And where I grew up, like I didn't like, I don't know. I didn't go to like therapy as a kid. I didn't know about any of that. I didn't know what anxiety was. I thought like everyone, I was like, oh, everyone, the room spins for everyone when you like sit down and you're like doing something. I just, there were so many things I didn't understand. And I thought it was just my body and I never talked to anyone about it. And I was like, oh. They're just things like I learned to live with.

40:16And I remember like, I just remember exactly where I was. I was like walking in to get a new cell phone. I lost my mind. And I just couldn't handle it anymore. And I remember like a week later, I went home to Virginia where my mom was living at the time. And I remember I was like in the bathroom. room and I was like, I did like, I don't, I can't do, I was like, I can't do this anymore. I like, I don't, I can't, I had this feeling like this, this crazy feeling of anxiety that was like crippling. And it was like, I couldn't do anything. And I was just like, I, I was like in the bathtub and I remember like calling from, I was crying and I was like, I don't know, I can't do this.

41:02I don't know what to do. I like, I can't even explain the feel. I, I didn't know how to articulate the words. I was like, I can't even explain what I'm feeling to you. I feel like I'm going crazy. And, you know, in my family, you know, there's some people have some issues and I was always scared of myself falling into some similar things that are in my family that run in my family. And I just remember somebody was somebody got me to go to therapy and they and I met this guy and he's my therapist today. Still to this day, this was my therapist for almost 20 years. I remember like I first went there and I had like all these things.

41:43I was like, I used to like go and I'd have to like hold my head like this. And I was like, well, I can't let go of my arm because if I let go of my arm, my neck's going to fall off and I'm going to be paralyzed. Like I had like great, like I was so in deep and I never thought I was going to get out. And I remember I started, I used to go six days a week and then it was like three days a week. Then it was two days. Then it was one. And it was CBT, you know, cognitive behavioral therapy. And it's like kind of like a type of therapy where you use your words. And it's not, I was very, I didn't want to do medicine.

42:14And I didn't, you know, cause I also had in my family, there's some drug abuse and stuff. And I, I, I was like, I don't want to do this with medicine. I want to figure out how to do it the right way. And at that time I wasn't, now I'm like a workout fanatic. That's like my new meditation. Nice. But before that I was like, well, how do I do this? and I started, you know, my therapist recommended meditation to me and he had this really easy way of doing it and it was so easy and it wasn't, it wasn't even like anything specific. He was like, just, you know, he would just like, it was the most basic form of meditation.

42:53I would do it with either with a spoken word thing or just like, he'd be like, find the most calming music you like. And he would just be like, no matter what, just every day, he was like, for 20 to 30 minutes, just sit down, put a pillow on your head, try not to be too comfy where you'll fall asleep, set a timer, and just do it. And I remember doing it and at first it was impossible. When I was like in my shit, it was impossible. And then eventually I started like looking forward to that time every day. And it really just helped me a lot. And then like in 2018, and then I got like, it was probably like a year or so of, and this was probably 2009, maybe this was happening.

43:45and then like then I like got back on track and everything was great and then uh in 2018 I really like working out became like my new meditation like and it was just like like I have to do it and it was so funny because I went so many years without doing it and I'm sure in your life you went years without doing meditation and now like what happens if you randomly met do you ever miss one ever like just like if you're sick i'll catch you up i won't yeah i don't meditate at 5 30 every day like it's not i i can't keep that up because i'm on planes we're traveling like our lifestyles don't allow it and so i will be meditating in the evening but like what happens the quality well i find that for me the quality dips the last week was one of those weeks i was i had like three massively late nights in a row on the weekend because of events and parties and things and things that i was going to and i couldn't wake up early and then i still had a full day of work And then in the evening I was catching up with it.

44:43And I found that I didn't have the time and space that I need in order to feel really aligned. And what I mean by that is I can still operate. No one else will really notice the difference. But I notice the difference where I'm like, I feel like I have less energy today. I feel like I have less clarity today. And I feel like I'm not as aligned is the best word I can think of as I like to be. And so it doesn't really affect anyone else But it does affect me And I know what level I can raise to Which is what you're probably saying when you're working out Like when you miss a day of working out How do you feel now?

45:18Yeah, yeah You know, I thought of something when you were saying Yeah, please So you're seen as like, you know This guy who's like, mindfulness, health, this Isn't it, aren't you sometimes Do you feel like I have to be so perfect all the time? You know, it's so interesting you say that, Benny I used to think that when I started out that that's what I had to be. And then I've let go of that pressure personally. Like I let go of that. And I'm just, like I'm saying to you now, I don't wake up every day yet. I've never had to meditate. Sometimes I'm meditating on planes, in Ubers, on trains. Sometimes I'm doing it while I'm falling asleep.

45:57Like I'm okay with opening up about that because to me, that A, I hope, well, A, it's the truth. B, I hope that that actually helps people realize That they don't have to have the perfect regime Every single day Because I used to think that And all I did was put more pressure on myself Like I'd stress myself out So I'm more comfortable today saying I believe in meditation I value mindfulness I value all these things But it doesn't look perfect in my life And it won't in yours either And it doesn't in anyone's Whoever's life we think it looks perfect in Is a myth Yeah, sometimes you get upset Like if you get like you're like a guy who's like not allowed to get upset, like something happens.

46:39Like it's, you know, I find that. What do you know, Benny? What are you trying to say? Yeah, exactly. No, I find sometimes in work, like, you know, when you get to the top of like your field, people are only expecting like a perfect wreck. Like if you're like, say you're like LeBron James, like if you don't have if you score like 20 instead of like 40 in the game, they're like, oh, what's happening to LeBron? And it's this pressure that I know exists for people. And I just wanted to know. Yeah, no, I definitely have felt that pressure. And I think I've removed it from myself. That's what I realized that ultimately it was a pressure I was putting on myself.

47:17It wasn't actually from anyone else. It was me thinking. Whereas if I was just honest and transparent and authentic with people, then all of a sudden the pressure's off. And I can also be a human because I am one. And I think there's so much more of a joy in embracing our imperfections and flaws and recognizing that. It's even with coaching people, by the way, and I'm sure you feel this with music. Like when you working with a artist to produce their album is like what I do with coaching clients. So coaching clients come to me and say, hey, can we solve this problem? Whatever else it may be. Someone's coming to you saying, hey, Benny, can you make this album with me?

47:54And before I used to think, God, if I don't say something profound in the first hour of meeting someone, then they're not going to think I'm worthy or valuable. And I started to realize I was like, that blocked me from saying something worthy. It didn't allow me to be a channel or a vessel. I was now forcing some manufactured version. And even if I did, now I was just setting myself up for more pressure every time we met. Rather than just having a flowing exchange with someone, how do you feel? Like when an artist comes and says, hey, Benny, I want you to produce my whole album. Where was the time it switched from pressure to just flow?

48:28I never had pressure because I don't care. because I treat every experience like I'll be like this. You know, some people, when you get in the studio, there's something or you're on a TV set or you're on here. They're just like, oh, we got to get it all done. We have to get this done today. We have to, for me, I'm just as happy if we were to come in. Like if I came into this podcast today and you're like, hey, I'm sorry, like the equipment's not working. Then I'd be like, oh, let's just like chill, walk around your thing because that's what was meant to happen that day. and I'm not stressing because you know what?

49:01Eventually we'll get like an interview or eventually we'll get a song or, you know, I'm a big like procrastinator in work. Like when someone comes over, I'm like, you like to eat, what do you want to eat? You want to eat something? I'll eat something. All that stuff is part of it. It's part of what's going to happen later. You know what I'm saying? Or you like, let's say you have a client, someone like you're trying to get to the bottom or the root of a problem. You're going to have to disarm them and get them to chill. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, it's not going to happen through anything. else what's your um do you have do you have a setup process for every person or do you really go with the flow with each individual this stuff got caffeine in it it has natural caffeine from tea i'll take a sip of it yeah yeah it's green tea green tea is really caffeinated right yeah yeah it's not you drink caffeine i only in the tea form only in the tea form yeah i like that only in the tea form as in like i drink herbal tea and i drink this tea but i don't that's good thanks man appreciate it my wife and i put it together it's all natural go buy his drink how'd you come up with the name it stands for just you and i so it was a way of trying to bring people together through sharing a moment how's the caffeine hitting is all right i'm taking little i don't drink caffeine at all yeah neither do i apart from tea so yeah i don't drink i don't drink i'm not like a caffeine person i wake up and i'm like ready to rip me too i wake up i like pop out of bed.

50:22What time do you wake up? Early. Yeah. Yeah. Like, uh, six, usually six, 10 to six 30. Yeah. What gets you in the creative zone? Like you're always like cooking. Let's, let's talk about open wide for a second. Like creativity. I think people look at you and they think, oh, he's musically creative, but then the rest of his life must be, but no, it's like you're creative and cooking. You're creative in music. Obviously you're talking about relationships can be creative too. Like, is it just something that was cooking always a passion? Yeah. It's just like, do you cook at all or no? So I'm the exact opposite.

50:52Cooking kitchens and cooking scares me. My wife is a plant-based chef and recipe developer. Really? Oh my God. Yeah, this is all she does. Has she always cooked? Yes. Oh my God. She's loved it since she was, and she's a dietician and nutritionist as well. What's her name? Radhi. Radhi's her name. R-A-D-H-I. Radhi. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I got to see it. I'm obsessed with all that. One of my friends, the person who I wrote my book with, her name's Jess. She has like a she's predominantly like a plant-based chef. And she worked for Martha Stewart for years. And she's incredible. And I, it's funny, like my books are always crazy.

51:31I eat very healthy unless I'm being like a naughty boy. What's naughty? How bad's naughty? Oh, naughty is like you wake up and there's crumbs and glaze all over you. You don't even know what it is. But mostly I'm pretty, I'm like during the week, you know, cause I lost a lot of weight. I lost like 50 pounds. Consciously. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, honestly, at the beginning, I was going into a weight loss challenge because my brother had gained a bunch of weight. And then when I went and we like did the DEXA scan thing, I was 33 % body fat. I was like, what am I fat? And I just didn't even I didn't even know that I was being on, you know, unhealthy.

52:11And then like, that's when I started working out and I got obsessed with it. And it was like, I wasn't necessarily trying to lose weight. But then like once I did, I was like, whoa, this is cool. And I'm one of those people now, like when I lost the first weight, it wasn't trying to lose weight. It was just like trying to be healthy. And then I felt like the feeling every time I went to the gym, I was like, whoa, I have no anxiety. Like after, and I'm not thinking about anything else except like what's happening. And that was very rare for me. So I was like, I got to chase this feeling. And then now I like You know me and my friends we do like Little like weight loss challenges We're like okay whoever can lose the most weight in like one month Or whoever can do this I just like to challenge my body Yeah I like to just like push myself In any way possible But yeah no I eat Like do you eat pretty healthy Well because of her right If otherwise you'd be like Before I met her it was like pizzas Midnight burgers fries That's my favorite food What are you guys eating today?

53:10What did you eat today? What did I have in the morning? I had like avocado mushroom toast in the morning. And did you make it or she did? No, no, no, she did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if she's not in town, do you ever cook? Then I'm ordering. I'm ordering in, but I'm ordering healthy. You're ordering healthy because you're scared she might be filming you while watching. Yeah, exactly. That's actually, I'll say to my team, I'll be like, guys, just, you know, let's order this because my wife's not around. Yeah, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you'll be a little not. She's been a good influence on me because before I met her, I was addicted to sugar.

53:37Like I was addicted to chocolates. Some people have that. I had a massive, because of my mom. Yeah, I don't have the sweet tooth. That's lucky, man. That's one of the worst. I'd much rather like a huge slice of bread or a taco. Like, I really like one bite of a dessert. Like, I always want. You're like my wife. Yeah, I always want one bite. Like, at the end of the day, like, I'll always have, like, a date or something or, like, a piece of fruit. Like, I love that. But, like, I don't like the, I don't know. like occasionally like a cookie or something if it's not too sweet i don't like really sweet things they make my stomach hurt right like so i like there's a few like i like uh what's that thing when it's uh it's like meringue uh uh pavlova oh because it's not too sweet and it's like light pavlova makes me how did you curb your cravings for things you love like when you're doing a challenge how do you curb your cravings i just shut it off i love i love like i love a challenge just any challenge if someone's like I bet you can't walk 25 miles right now I'm like yes I can and I'll do it like I just love I love that feeling of doing something um and you have a group of people that you do with my friends yeah I work out with my friend if I didn't have a trainer I only pay the only reason I see a trainer is because I'm so crazy that I was would be like oh I can't waste the money like so I I gotta go but if I if it was just up to me I wouldn't do it I I wouldn't do it.

55:03I wouldn't be able to do it. It's just that someone's, you know, or my friends are like, let's go to the gym. We got to go together and we work out together. And I like, you know, coming back to food, I like anything. I love community. I love hosting. I love like there's nothing better to me than like creating like an experience for people. I don't care what the medium is, like creating some experience where like when someone leaves, they're just like, whoa. And they're telling all their friends. And like, for me, it's just like, you're, you know, this is like looking to give someone an orgasm face at all times.

55:40Like every moment, like it, cause that's what it is. It's when you, when someone tastes your food, they just like open their mouth and they put in, you just want them to be like, like you, you just want that feeling that when someone plays a song, you want them to be like, oh my God, that thing is crazy. you know, like after you like change someone's life and they can do a meditation where they can like put their leg behind their head, they're just like, Oh, thank you. You brought me to a higher sense of being like it's, it's, that's what we're looking for. And, and I'm always looking to make my friends happy.

56:14I'm always, you know, if someone comes to my house and they have like, you know, a hamburger and they're like, I love this is my favorite hamburger. I know that. So then I'm thinking like the next time they come in, like, oh, I'm going to like make sure they have that for them. And, you know, my grandma, when I was a kid, one of my grandmas, she, you know, she was not wealthy by any means. She grew up in like, you know, her place was in Section 8 housing and we would go visit her. And she had a lot of grandkids. And if we went over there and one time we like had a Junie and we were like, we love this.

56:51It would be there every time we ever went. And she had so many grandkids. So everyone had every single thing. And she would, she would, you know, she wouldn't eat for the week to make sure that like everyone had their things. And because it made her so happy, the joy she would have when everyone was coming in and all the things were there, we'd be like, oh, she has this and she, and that's what I like to do. And I love to create like, whether it's like the perfect napkin, the perfect like meal, the perfect music playing at the same time. Like, you know, and that's what I did with this book. I was like, trying to teach people how to have like the perfect dinner party.

57:26Because I was like, okay, you know, some people, they might not know what to do. Like you're nervous in the kitchen. This book is going to make it so like, sure, fire away. You want something easy that looks good. Great. You want to have a dinner party? Like, do you know what type of wine to serve? I don't know. Do you want to smoke weed with your people? Does weed make you anxious? Who knows? Is it midnight and you want everyone to leave because you got to wake up at 5.30 the next day, but you still want them to love you, I'm going to teach you how to kick them out. You know, and it's just like - I love that, yeah.

57:55It's that whole thing. And it's just like that moment of just like getting a bunch of people together. And I love getting the people together that don't necessarily go together. And it's like someone is like a musician and they're sitting next to a man who wrote a book. And I mean, one time we were at my house and I remember I was - My mother was sitting here and SZA was sitting here and a man on the other side actually makes rocket ships that go to space. And to me, it was just so cool to see them all talking and not caring about what was going on. And there was no egos and everyone's just having a good time.

58:38And food is like the best social lubricant in the world because it's like you can immediately talk about something. You're like, oh, you like food? It's just like the automatic conversation starter. Yeah, yeah. Next time you come over, we're going to have to do food for sure. Because yeah, it's a big love language for my wife. She loves, that's her love language. I want to cook with her. Yeah, you guys would have a blast. She loves cooking, creating recipes, and also the same with the Ukrainian community. And it's actually funny you say that. I'm trying to think of a book that you just reminded me of that was based on a restaurant that did that.

59:10And they recently converted it. It became 11 Madison Park in New York. And it was a restaurant that tried to give that level of care that you feel in a home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so Open Wide, your book. I love that it's not just a cookbook. I love that it's about how to build community. It's all of that. Because I think that's what people miss out on, right? We think that hosting is about all the fancy stuff. And it's like, it isn't. Having the right people in your corner to support you is a great form of self-care. Just like the friend who shows up to a housewarming party when you get that dream home, celebrates your big promotion, or goes with you on a walk to clear your mind, State Farm is there to help you feel supported.

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1:02:42No matter my destination, travel is more rewarding with Chase Sapphire Reserve. Discover more with Chase Sapphire Reserve at chase.com forward slash sapphire reserve. cards issued by jp morgan chase bank na member fdic subject to credit approval terms apply it's not about any of that the food you know my godfather always said this thing he would always say you know when i was a kid i never even understood it but i so understand it now he always used to say we'd always figure out where we were going to dinner and he goes it doesn't matter. It's about the rap. And now, and I, and we were like, what do you mean?

1:03:23He's like, it's just about the rap. He's like, the only thing it's just to get everyone together. If the food's great, that's awesome. But it's about hanging with your friends, laughing till you cry, you know, falling in love with someone fall. You know, I've, I've had the opportunity to have dinners where like so many things have happened to people, you know, someone's found the person they date. Somebody's, you know, started a company. Somebody's laughed so hard they cry, you know and it's that's that's what i'm trying to do and i love do you do you ever you have dinners with people and it's one of my favorite things to host as well yeah it's my favorite thing to do i don't want to go out to a nightclub no i want to like sit at home with my friends till two in the morning well for you you can't do that i can do that i can do that now what happens what happens if you stay up late do you just self-combust you can bust no not at all man i can stay up late i just choose not to always do it because i love sleep okay when you were out uh late this weekend And what time were you out?

1:04:17Yeah, probably getting to bed around one or two. Okay. And then what time do you sleep till? Oh, no. The problem was I was still waking up because my body clock so wired that I was still up at the same time. No matter what, I wake up at like six in the morning. No matter when I go to bed. Yeah. I don't go to bed as early as you though. Yeah. I'm like, in my dream world, I go to bed at like 11, 30, 12. Right. And then I wake up at like - In real world? Six, 6.30. And then on the weekends, I really don't sleep a lot. But I don't need a ton of sleep. but I know I'm sure you're going to say that's terrible for me.

1:04:47No, not at all, man. I'm not going to say anything's terrible. It works for you. It works for you. But you should, I should be getting more sleep, right? I mean, scientists say seven to nine hours a day. What else do scientists say? Exactly. I don't know. But that's, I mean, that's what I'm saying. But yeah, my whole family. I know I need eight and I can survive on, I can do five on six or five if I needed to. Like six and a half is my like. Is your sweet spot? Yeah, chef's kiss. Anything over seven, I feel strange. That's good though. But then don't follow it. seven like don't push it i think that's a big part of it too right it's like my wife talks a lot about this this idea of being able to listen to your body and i feel like yeah so many of us are like god i gotta wake up at 5 30 now because jay said he wakes up at 5 30 or i gotta wake up at 4 because elon musk wakes up at 4 or you know benny said he wakes up at 6 10 so you know so whatever it is and it's like well creativity is not based on those things that's just what works for your body and your mind is what works for my body and my mind so i think you know but you seem to have a lot of like, not just community, but you seem to have like a lot of the same people around you, loyal friends.

1:05:47Like that seems to be a big part of your, how have you continued to be able to build that as you grow and make it, it sounds like all your friends love challenges and growth because a lot of people who are listening sometimes feel their friends are not wanting to grow. They're not wanting to try new things. But it's so fun. You do it. Some people I've pushed to that and some people have pushed me in other ways. And like, that's the, that's, that's what it's all about. You know, to me, I've just had some of my friends for so long because it's hard to find people that are on your, and I think it's harder and harder as you get older.

1:06:20You know, a lot of my friends, most of my friends I knew since I was young. And then I have like, you know, like a new friend for me is like five years. Like I'd be like, I'd be like, whoa, yeah, this is like one of my new friends. Like most of my friends are eight, 10, 20. And do they live in the city too or no? All different places. Some of my friends are like, some of my friends have very regular jobs and, and, you know, some of them I only get to see once or twice a year in person because of their job. You know, my friend was just out here. He comes every year for, you know, like a month and a half towards the end of the year because he's a therapist and he works, you know, in Virginia and he can't really travel that much.

1:07:03So then we get to see each other then. And then, you know, my other friend, his wife is becoming a doctor and they've had to have residencies in all these other places. And he works for like Capital One or something. And we don't get to see each other in person very often. But when we do, it's like we saw each other yesterday, you know, and we talk all the time. And then some of my friends are in the same world as me. So they get it. Some of them are in entertainment. And I just love bringing my friend group is very eclectic. Like it's like all different types of people. And I love putting people that wouldn't normally be in a room together in a room to see what happens.

1:07:41What's the randomness too? Is it the person building rocket ships and then your mom and then SZA? It's just like people, you know, it's very common for me to go out to dinner and have like one person be 22 and then the next person be like 70. like and and that's not and and having it not be someone's mom or dad like having it just be someone that's my friend yeah you know and because i've met so many i'm very interested in people i love i love meeting creative people whether that means they're creative professionally whether creative in their mind whether they you know yeah i just love i love that feeling of getting into a conversation with someone.

1:08:26Yeah. I also think multi-generational friendships are so powerful. Like I was talking to someone about that, like me and my wife have a couple of friend of ours and they're in their late sixties. And they're some of our favorite people to hang out with. Like, I feel like I learned so much. I grow so much. I gained so much perspective. They've lived 30 years more life than I have. Like, and I think that's, it's so interesting how we may spend time with our parents, but we're not necessarily having friends that are in a different decade of their life but how powerful it can be to be with someone a lot of people don't even know their parents like that like even if you're like close with your parents like like how close are you with your mom i'm pretty close to my mom yeah okay but like you don't know there's so many things you don't know about her like you don't know like like how she felt the first time she got her heart broken you don't know like if she ever cheated on someone like you don't like Sometimes I, for me, I'll sit my mom down and I just ask her like every, I'm like, what drugs have you taken?

1:09:23And I'm like, how did it make you feel? Cause my parents got divorced. I was like, how did you know you wanted to get divorced? What did you feel? And I, and I always, I try to do that because one of my friends started recording his dad when his dad got sick and he asked him every question he ever wanted to ask him because it is so crazy. You're so close to this person that you really don't know. Like you really like we really don't even know our parents that well because you don't you don't ask them those type of things. And no one does. Like and it's also that time where I remember like your parents gospel is just like the end all be all when you're a kid.

1:10:03And then all of a sudden you're like 15 or 16. You're like, wait, you're just a human. That was a mess up on you. You just lied. Like I caught you in that lie. But like until you're like 15 or 16 or something, you can't even fathom that. And then like you realize it's cool. I'm so thankful that I get to like, you know, talk to my parents and my family now, like as an adult and be like, yo, what were you feeling like, like when you went through this and like, how did you raise us like that? And is it so hard to do this? And it's cool. I like that feeling. Yeah. I did something similar a few years ago.

1:10:40I felt that way with the podcast where I was like learning about people I'd never met. And so we were celebrating my sister's 30th birthday. So it was me, my mom, and my sister, my younger sister. And I just started interviewing my mom at dinner and there was no, we didn't record it. It was just us three. And I learned so much. So my mom was studying for exams while, cause she was born and raised in Yemen, while there were Yemeni soldiers fighting British soldiers on her roof. Like, you know, and I was like, I had no idea. And she just casually drops that as if it's like normal. And I'm like, mom, you realize that's not normal.

1:11:13You should interview your mom. You need to interview. I've been thinking about it. It's been on my mind. Interviewing your family is so crazy. Yeah, because you're right. And I think everyone, I would love to do it because I want everyone to do it. My wife was my first ever guest on the show. Really? Yeah, yeah. Because that was a big part of it for me. It was like, I feel like you're so right. We don't really deeply know our family. We think we know them. Yeah. We think we know them. We assume that we know them. Yeah, I used to do this thing on my, well, I still do it on all of my albums where like the last song on my album has like a spoken word section of, it's like over instrumental of each person in my family.

1:11:55And so far I did my mom and my dad and I asked them all these questions and it's crazy to know that. because basically I ask them questions for like an hour and then I take like the best like 30 seconds. And it was both my parents wound up talking the most about like their divorce. And it was like so interesting to see both sides of it because I have now forever in time, I have my mom's version and my dad's version. And then like I just, you know, I'm putting out a new album and I interview my brother for his version of it now. and it's like... That's beautiful, man. Yeah, it's fun. That's really special.

1:12:38It's fun. And it's like, you know, it's emotional and it's like, whoa. It's cool to hear both sides of everyone's side of an event. Yeah, I think you're so right because, yeah, we often think there's only one truth and one story and then all of a sudden there's three and what was the biggest thing you learned from hearing your mom and dad's version of divorce? Like what was something that surprised you or something you were like, wow, I did not recognize that when I was growing up? I think that it made them both better people to get out of the relationship. And I think like at first it seemed like my parents were not fans of each other at first.

1:13:16It was like crazy. But now they're friends. I mean, they haven't been married for, you know, 20 something years. But yeah, now we all like go to dinner together and like go on vacation. but you know it wasn't always that way and it's it's cool to see like where it started to where it is now and I do think like me and my brother like were a big like our success was like a big catalyst on getting like everyone together because it forced us to get together and then it no it's cool I don't know yo life is so crazy like the way you know the way you meet people and way people come in and out of your life and someone you may not even like really know could become like your wife or someone like that's like you despise could become your best friend and it's just it's very interesting how how life plays out and I find that more and more as I get older and my mom always used to be like she'd be like you know when you get older you're gonna and I used to be like what are you taught and but it's so true just like over and over again I'm learning something new every day.

1:14:28Yeah. Yeah. So true, man. Benny, I could talk to you for hours, genuinely. Like we could go on and on and on, but I wanted to make sure, is there anything that we haven't talked about before we go to the final five, which is the way we end in the interviews? Is there anything we haven't talked about that you really wanted to touch on that's on your heart or mind or something that - What's your five thing? What's that? Yeah, we can do that. We'll start with that. It's a final five that we end every interview with of all time. Oh, it's the same question? It's the same. Well, same four questions.

1:14:55One of them I I usually play with same three or four questions. And one of them I usually play with for the person. And these are your final five. They have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Oh my God. Yeah. And then I may ask you to go on because I usually break my rule, but here we go. All right. Benny Blanco, these are your final five. So the first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received? Don't be afraid to fail. Who told you it and how have you practiced it? I can't remember who told me it, But someone did tell you it. It wasn't something that came from it.

1:15:26No, no, no. Somebody told me it. But I will tell you this. I always say this to someone. Because people come up to me all the time and they're just like, oh, man, you don't miss. You did this. You did that. And I'll talk to someone. You know, one of my friends was going through a hard time recently. It was like his first failures. And I remember talking to him and I said, I said, you don't think I failed a million times? I said, you know, You look at someone like Michael Jordan, okay? He's taken like so many shots. He's missed so many shots. Do you remember any of those? No, you remember him swishing it and walking back with his tongue out.

1:16:06Nobody's sitting there being like, Jay, I saw that, you know, back in like 2008, that rap career didn't really work out for you. No, they're like, Jay, wow, every get, you got Michelle Obama on you. So I always tell people like, it doesn't matter. Don't be afraid to fail. nobody's even going to remember it. There's only, and if someone's literally tallying your failures, they're psycho. You know? Well said, man. Yeah. No one remembers the misses. No. No one remembers the misses. If you keep going. Yeah, if you keep going. But if you stop at the miss. But you got to keep going, baby. Yeah, you got to keep going.

1:16:39Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received? I was going around playing my music for people and I had just switched my style up because I used to make, I like originally made music that sounded like I was copying Timbaland, sounded like I was copying Pharrell, sounded like I was trying to be someone else. And I remember I had just made music that didn't sound like anything. It sounded so weird. It was so different. Wasn't like what was going on. I remember I went into a meeting and someone was like, nobody makes music like this. They're like, you got to fit in more.

1:17:18Like, and that just like made me go the opposite way. Then I was like, now I know I got to do the crazy stuff because at least I just want someone when I used to go in and play music for them to be like, I've never heard anything like this. Like, this is so weird. This is not going to work because that's when everyone likes something. Usually that means it's not going to work. You know, when, when some people are unsure about something, that's when it's usually going to work. So I don't know. Someone told me to fit in more and I didn't really vibe with that. That's a great answer I think it's so interesting When you're young Everyone tells you to fit in And when you get older Everyone says stand out Yeah yeah yeah And it's like Well wait a minute I had to wear a uniform I had to Coming on time And now all of a sudden I've got to find who I am Yeah yeah yeah And it's such a contradiction Of course Yeah it's a great answer Alright Question number three What's something that you used to value That you no longer value?

1:18:09Success I used to really care About Getting that number one song Getting that thing and I feel like I did everything I wanted to do. And now I feel like everything's like the cherry on top of the sundae now. So I'm just having so much fun trying new things. And of course I want them to be successful and stuff, but I don't have, and I do still work and have a drive and want to do it, but I want to do it more for me and less for other people. I used to want to do it because I was like, I have to be number one. I have to be the best in the world. I have to be this. And now I just get to wake up and I'm like, okay, I already did the things I want to do.

1:18:58So like, I want to make a cookbook. I want to do it. I want to do this. And I like really want it to be the best and I want it to be awesome. But it's something that I want to do. And I'm putting like that pressure on myself. It's not like for other people anymore. and yeah I think I don't know it's I and and I always had a strange feeling with success too I was always like kind of like ashamed of it for some reason or I'd be like oh I don't I don't I don't deserve that I'm probably gonna get like cancer now because like I did because I did well so like I don't deserve this and like somebody else somebody else deserves this more and like how did you overcome that doubt because I think a lot of people feel that way people who come into money fame even a bit of success and we start going oh crap this wasn't meant to be yeah it's still I still it's still there for me that that part I still have that feeling a little bit a little bit of the imposter syndrome but it's so funny because I'm so confident at the same time but you know sometimes I do have that feeling where I'm just like ah like why do I deserve this like what did I do and like there's so many more people who are more talented and I'll like start questioning stuff like that in my head yeah and and you're still working through that.

1:20:12Yeah, every day we're working through everything. And the success thing, like it's not fully let go, but it's like, it's something that like, I catch myself more and more like just really wanting to do the things because like, it's not a competition always anymore. And it used to be like such a competition with me in my head with that. And I try to find like other things that are competitions and like competitions, like that are like friendly and there's not like a huge thing at the end of the tunnel for it. Beautiful. Question number four, what's something that you think you learned from your parents' relationship that affects your relationships moving forwards?

1:20:48Like something that you'll take as a lesson on what to do or what not to do. I don't think my parents listen to each other. And I think all relationships, whether it's romantic, business, friendships, you have to you just have to listen to each other it's like the easiest thing in the world just be a listener and it's okay to be wrong i i like that's that's also another thing that like i've really come to terms with like it's like i always would find myself like wanting to be right about the thing wanting to be this and it almost makes you look better if you're like you know what i was i was wrong and stop trying to like defend a thing to the end that you know you're wrong about so it's like i i i was wrong i was wrong and then like everyone's happy if you just say if you're like i was wrong i messed up i messed up instead of like trying it's like putting shame around being wrong and it's okay to be wrong.

1:21:53Like it's okay to fuck up sometimes. Like, you know. I think that's great. Listen and it's okay to be wrong. Yeah. It's okay to be wrong. Fifth and final question, Benny, we ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? You know, I just, I wish there was a world where just everyone could find a way to just like fit in and just like not be it's okay to get upset sometimes I just wish people could talk things out and and find a way to like love each other and find I don't know find a way to like live together you know it just like killed like anytime it's so hard for me to ever watch any of the news and it's just like oh I'm like it just like crushes me watching people fight and people like violence and it's like crazy.

1:22:47Like I don't understand. I just like don't even understand. I don't know people, you know, to like for someone to do something so bad to like an innocent person. Like anytime I see things like that, I just don't understand. And I, you know, in my ideal world, there's, I don't even know if it's a law. I don't, people just be nice to each other and just be like caring and considerate and understand that it's okay to not be the same as somebody else and it's okay to not have the exact same opinion as somebody else, but you guys can coexist and live and just like, I don't know. It's like I always have these idealistic thoughts in my head and it's very hard to create those because we're so far gone as a planet.

1:23:30You know, there's like so much greed and there's so much, I don't know, I've always been just like happy whether it was like I had a lot of money or no money. and I've always found that when me and my friends listen to each other and work together and talk things out like every like nothing can go wrong and if it can go if it does go wrong then you talk about it and you make it better and I don't know what's the best law you heard someone say oh that's a good question um I think a lot of people share the sentiment that you're saying like I think a lot of us feel like that like we want to live in a more just yeah happier loving kind of world i think two that stand out to me uh daniel kaluuya came on he's the guy yeah yeah so daniel came on and he said that for everyone that you judged or criticized the law would be that you'd have to then whoever you judge and criticize you'd have to go live as them for a day or a year or something like that oh i like something it was like a it was like a fixed thing.

1:24:31And then Trevor Noah had one. His one was, um, there'd be a rule that every day someone's bank balance in the planet could go to zero. So it could be you, your friend, your family member and how differently you'd behave with people knowing that that could be you one day, it could be your mom, it could be your dad, it could be your friend. And that way you'd be more conscious of what it would feel like to be around people who don't have a lot. Yeah. I changed mine. Uh, Free weed for everyone. That's the law. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my new one. No, that's great. That's a good one. Those are good.

1:25:04Is weed unlocked your creativity? Does it make you anxious? As you were mentioning for other people earlier. I love smoking weed. Are you allowed to? No, you're not. I don't. You don't do anything. Not that I'm not allowed to. You don't do anything. You ever have a sip of alcohol? No, not anymore. When did you quit? When you were a monk? 15 years ago, yeah. 15, 16 years ago. What do you do? What's your wild thing? My wild thing is - Strippers, I know. No, I'm just kidding. No, what is it? I'm a super, I guess my wildness comes, I'm super competitive. So if I'm playing a sport that I'm good at.

1:25:38No, come on. Give me, like, what's your vice? My vice is sugar, man. It's like, it's taking me forever. Sugar? Yeah, literally. Yeah. That's your vice. My vice is sugar. My vice is I like to work hard. My vice is - So, but you don't have anything. So you don't have - Well, no, it's not that I don't have anything. I've worked on it hard for years and years. So no drinking, no weed, no psychedelics, no. No, I'd be - I saw your eye glimmer a little. I'm always open to exploring anything that would - I mean, weed was something that I did a lot in my teens. So it's not something I've never done. I want to know the teen you.

1:26:11The teen you was wild. Yeah, the teen you was wild. I think that's what it is. Like growing up in London too, like you start drinking very early. Of course. You start playing around with drugs and stuff very early. And so we just had access to a lot of things. So I feel like it's not that I don't, it's that I've done a lot in my teens. Of course. And so it's not that I have a, again, and I have nothing against it. I think I'm always open to things that have medicinal or healing benefits. So I've always been open. A lot of my clients will do MDMA, do Iboga, do ayahuasca. And so I'm very familiar with these things and I'm always working alongside clinical neuroscientists that I take advice from for my clients and clients' own exploration.

1:26:50So I'm very aware and like to be educated more. and get more experience. But I would do it if I felt there was healing that that could reward me with, for sure. I'm very open to anything that has healing powers. You take any supplements? I take a lot. I take 20 supplements a day. All right, tell me about the supplements. Yeah, so I'm taking, I'll show you my drawer later. It's like literally 20 tablets a day, but it's like B12, magnesium, D, C, K, probiotics, uh gut supplements creatine like a million why do you take them all because i i really do feel a difference i why do you take creatine that's like from the 80s yeah but it works it's like so what's really interesting is that i work with we've had the doctor that i work with on the show his name is dr shah he runs next health okay and next health basically will do the deepest blood tests and give you like oh yeah you do that thing where you have like a bowl of pills you got to It's like a packet every day.

1:27:47Yeah, and you get all your biomarkers. So you get everything. And what I found is that different body types can't digest certain things. Like my body can't get the nutrients from certain things. So I have to eat different proteins. I'm also plant-based. So the supplements provide me with all the missing nutrients. Were you feeling bad before you did this? I was feeling, when I wasn't taking all the supplements, I was feeling more tired more easily. And I was like, why am I tired? because I work out, I sleep well, I meditate. Like, why am I tired? What type of tired? Just like a feeling of like lethargy or fatigue at the end of the day.

1:28:24But like a tired that I didn't like. And I realized that, so vitamin D is meant to be at 60 is safe. A hundred is ideal. I was at 10. And if, and people always say, well, you live in LA, you get enough vitamin D. It's not true. Like you've got to be out in the sun naked, like for four hours a day to get enough vitamin D, especially with my color of skin and so for me to take vitamin d is non-negotiable and for most people are low in vitamin d and so my doctors my nutrition was saying jay your vitamin d levels means you should be depressed i was like i don't feel depressed i'm just tired and she was just like well you know if you change that will make a massive difference and it did wow and so i think a lot of people a lot of the times we think we're struggling mentally but a lot of it's chemical and biological and physical what you're saying with working out yeah right like it's a physical shift that's changed your mindset and we can get in our head and get oh god why am i tired there's something wrong with me like maybe i'm stressed and it can be that yeah of course it can be that but sometimes it's chemical and physical so you take 20 supplements i'll show you yeah i'll show you my little pill drawer what do you do any other things no no that's do you drink any other tinctures through the day that you have to no no well creatine is i have to mix it in and then But why do they have you do creatine?

1:29:38That's for me to digest a particular nutrient for my digestion to be good. I also take - Oh, do you have trouble? You have a bad stomach? Not a bad stomach. I think that when I went completely plant-based, which I always tell people if they're making that transition, I always tell people to do it slowly. I kind of did it overnight. When? Eight years ago when I married my wife. I was vegetarian, but I became plant-based as soon as I married her. and I think that my gut reacted poorly to that quick transition. And so whenever anyone's talking about being plant-based or eating healthier, I'm always like, do it slowly because your body's just used to a habit, whether it's good or bad.

1:30:15And now I feel great, but it was a transitionary period for sure. So I do that. And then I do, I have vinegar before meals because that regulates the acid internally. So that's like mix a shot of vinegar with diluted in water. Do you take like a lot of protein a day? Yeah, I take a lot of protein, but a lot of protein meals, but like natural, natural forms of as much as I can. Wow, what's your natural protein? Well, like I'm doing a lot of lentils and dhal's. Like the Indian diet generally leads well to that kind of stuff. And then I will do things like tofu, which of course, you know, and then not so natural forms of protein as well.

1:30:55I found these amazing bagels that are protein filled, that are plant-based, they're amazing. So things like that, just to stock up. But I found that eating protein every day has made a big difference. The amount of protein that we don't have in our diets is insane. And I'm not a pro at this. We've had doctors who've come on the show and really educated people. Yeah, you're supposed to eat a gram of protein per pound. Yeah. And you realize you're like nowhere close. Like even if you're eating meat, it's hard. Yeah. And so what to speak of anyone who's plant-based. Benny, this has been a joy and honor.

1:31:27I hope we do a part two. I love it. I hope there's dinners. I hope there's so much more in the works with this relationship. I appreciate you, man. Thank you so much. You took us on a whole journey today, and I felt like we got a peek into your mind, which is always my favorite thing to do. Thanks. I want everyone to know Open Wide is available right now, so make sure you go grab it. We'll put the link in the caption in the comments and wherever you're viewing. Of course, if you don't follow Benny on social media already, please go and follow him across platforms. And Benny, thank you so much for showing up for On Purpose today.

1:31:58is so grateful and deeply appreciated, man. Thank you, man. Yeah, thank you. If this is the year that you're trying to get creative, you're trying to build more, I need you to listen to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods that lead to success and the secret to genuinely loving what you do. If you're trying to find your passion and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you. Just because I like it, that doesn't give it any value. like as an artist if you like it that's all of the value that's the success comes when you say i like this enough for other people to see it this episode of on purpose is brought to you by chase sapphire reserve i believe that travel is one of the greatest gifts that we've ever been given and chase sapphire reserve has been my gateway to the world's most captivating destinations When I use my Chase Sapphire Reserve card, I get eight times the points on all the purchases I make through Chase Travel, and even access to one-of-a-kind experiences, experiences like music festivals and sporting events.

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