Charli D’Amelio ON: How Our Thoughts Define Our Reality & Ways to Shift Self-Criticism Into Curiosity

32:30Yeah. And that's, I get, I get that people find that hard because I'm also in England, we banter a lot. And so I banter a lot with my team, with my wife. Like if people see me and my wife together, they're like, they're like, you guys hate each other. Because we'd go so hard. and even my friends I just came back from London for my sister's wedding and I was there with all my boys and I was so we're so intense with each other and that's how close we are like the more intense we can be but you're right that sometimes and it's really interesting because when you get into a one-on-one with a friend they'll say how much they need the opposite like when you're with a group of people and you're all bantering it's great but then when you're one-on-one with someone you hear how someone's like you know I need a bit of encouragement right yeah I need to know that you think I'm doing good at this or whatever it may be.

33:14And also like, don't be afraid to be the person that is going to text all the people around you. Every time you see them do something, I'm so proud of you. Like you looked amazing at this, or this was so cool that you did this. Like be that person, be the annoying person. You know, I wish I did it more and I should, and that's something that I'll take into the rest of the day. But this morning, even I had a conversation with my mom and she's got back into modeling. She's in Louisiana right now, so I haven't seen her in a couple of days. And she was sending me photos and I didn't answer my phone for a little bit just because I've been jet lagged and crazy.

33:51And I was like, geez, like if I sent her something, I would want to hear back how proud she is of me. So let me just go over the top because sometimes you need to be that person, especially if that's the energy that you're trying to get back. You can't get that without giving it too. Yeah. Well said. And how's that been? Because obviously that's a big part of it, right? Especially with the new, new docuseries as well, like the new season, like this idea of your whole family's now in the spotlight and it's almost like people just lump everyone together, especially when it's a big family and everyone's got exciting things happening.

34:26And, you know, I've obviously interviewed your whole family before, so I've sat with them and it's wonderful. And at the same time, it's hard to find your own space and carve your own identity, right? Like that's challenging. Yeah. I think that the family dynamic is something that is really, really confusing, especially for me. I'm the youngest. So you spend all your time trying to impress your older sister. You spend all your time trying to prove something to your parents, even when they're already proud of you. You know, it's really confusing. You don't know where you fit in. I'm live with my parents, but, you know, I still want the same support that I got when I lived with them, but I can't just go up to their room anytime I'm having a bad day.

35:12They don't know what's going on with me all the time. When we're working together and on a shoot, you know, I hate to say this, but sometimes they want more stuff of me or whatever it is, or we want this for the family, and then they'll, you know, expect extra from me. And it's like, well, where do I fit in? Because I'm the youngest, but sometimes they want the most. And well, you know, it gets to the point where it's like, well, they're not there for me. And it's like, well, you know what? Everyone's doing their own stuff. Like everyone has their own stuff going on. Dixie has music. My mom's modeling.

35:50My dad's doing business stuff. Like there's so much going on for all of us at the same time, it can get hard to celebrate every single achievement when there's just four of us all doing different things all at the same time, running from place to place, traveling. We're still figuring that out now. I think while filming season three, our entire family was going through a lot mentally and with work. So it's hard to watch back those episodes because we were just all in such a different place and so confused at where we all stand and taking it out on each other, which I think is probably the biggest regret I have through all of this with my family is like, we need to have each other's backs through everything.

36:44Because, you know, through it all, you work with people, you make friends, whatever. you have to have family or people that you've kind of adopted as family that are there to support you when there's no cameras or when there's no likes or followers anything like you need that and the hardest time for all of us was when we didn't have each other to lean on and that is really really shown in season three and like even when I see clips I'm like I don't want to see it at all. Like that was such a hard time for all of us. And it's so embarrassing at times to see that like people posting it, reposting it, edits of it, edits of times where I was like really, really, really struggling and hearing people.

37:31She's so dramatic, but you hear a tenth of what was actually going on, you know? So it's, it's a lot or things are, you know, maybe I was upset about one thing, but in the show, it looks like I'm upset about something else. It's like a whole bunch of stuff that's just I don't even want to pay attention to it it must be so challenging like I've always I've always thought about it like having a show where every one of your feelings and emotions is being documented and then broadcast sounds like the most challenging thing ever it's a lot but yeah it's like even just that as a premise and I know it's been around forever and you know families have been followed forever and there's this format has been around forever but I'm like it doesn't get easier because of that because as humans we love to watch drama we love to watch the gossip we want to see the scoop the show has like twists and changes and you know characters that are upset at each other and you have all of this going on but then behind all of that there's a real human with real emotions yeah trying to figure it all out have you been able to separate like yourself and then the character on the show too like do you feel or do you feel that's just so interrelated that you're like in ways yes for sure but like people don't realize when you're filming sometimes you forget you have a mic on and you say something and you're like I really wasn't that deep like yeah it's not that important sometimes you're really really upset or you're maybe mentally struggling a little bit and you don't have a reason because sometimes you don't need a reason.

39:10Sometimes you just feel really bad and that happens. So you go through these, well, why are you? Well, what was happening? Was it this person's fault? And it's like, well, I don't know. I was just really feeling bad and I didn't have a handle on it and I had to film. So it's like, I don't get a choice of how I go into filming. I can try and go in with a positive mindset but after a couple hours you know like I'm tired and you see how maybe I was really feeling that day maybe it's nothing that was at all in the show like people watching have no idea but it is so many real emotions that it's really really hard to separate the two but hopefully you know if another season happens I'll be able to do that and why did you feel though in season three that it got harder with family than easier like you'd hope that season three like made it easier but why do you think it got harder is it just that everyone's more busy now or yeah i think we were just all going through so much individually and constantly taking it out on each other and you know that's building blocks to working with your family no family that works together is perfect all the time and if you say you are you are so wrong especially when you know we talk about it all the time like family is everything but when you're in those moments where you're like I'm pissed at this person in my family because of maybe it's something stupid but to me it's like it feels like a lot it feels like the entire world on my shoulders for maybe something that isn't that big of a deal but it feels like that to me you know it's just we were all going through so much at the same time that there was no way that these cameras weren't going to catch it it sounds like even even though obviously you said that you know when you're a kid you still want your family to take care of you and obviously now you're in a position where obviously you take care of yourself you you live with your sister but what would you say has been the biggest skills you've learned in how to take care of yourself when you don't have your family to rely on?

41:23I don't even know. I feel like that's something that is so confusing to me still. I feel so independent because, you know, I'm traveling without any of my friends or family. I'm on these big work calls. Like I have no training for this. I, I didn't even finish high school. Like, I don't know how to do this. I don't know if I'm making the right decision. I don't know if this is, you know, good or bad. I still call my dad all the time and I'm like, okay, but seriously, what do you think about this? Because I, like, this sounds not that cool to me, but apparently it's really, like, I have no idea how this works.

42:07And, you know, the more I do it, the more I get comfortable and learn. But I missed so much of the normal growing up, going to college and then coming back for Thanksgiving or Christmas or whatever it is that I kind of had to like race to figure it out because it was one day you're a kid and you're in high school and you have no responsibilities and now you have people that are working for you and you're responsible for them and you're responsible for everything that you do and you're not allowed to mess up but I'm 16 I don't know how to not mess up I don't know anything like how am I supposed to learn that without having these real life experiences.

42:49So I think the more as time goes on and the more I'm put in these situations where I have to be independent and a grownup, you know, the easier it gets, but it's still something that I really have to figure out in each individual situation. Yeah, I'm 36 and I still don't know how not to mess up. It's just because I think what we don't realize is you've got yourself and your identity, like you as an individual, which is always changing. yeah so whether you're 36 or whether you're 19 you're still dealing with that on top of that you've now got the industry is always changing so like the platforms are changing and the business is changing and the social whatever all of that's always changing so you've never done it before and most people have never done it before so no matter how smart someone was five months ago everything's changed and so everything's being updated and then on top of all of that you've got everyone around you who's constantly changing and growing and evolving and so it's so hard to ever feel you ever have a handle on on all areas of your life yeah and so definitely as a 16 year old now a 19 year old like it's it's so much to learn quickly and i think you had your you recently had your prom or you did your prom here right like you yeah i had i had two we did one on the show yeah and then i went to my high school prom back in my hometown okay cool yeah which was really fun and like the bit of senior year that I got to have, which was really nice because I didn't get that at all.

44:18And a lot of kids didn't during COVID and everything. So I'm definitely not the only person feeling like this. A lot of freshmen, sophomore year of college, like people didn't get that. People didn't get that very, very integral part of growing up or whether it's your first job. Like this was my first job. I had never had any true responsibility before. And I don't know how, and there's no rule book to say, well, this is how you be an adult. So it's kind of just figuring it out and messing up along the way. But when you mess up and you have so many people telling you how you messed up and how that's horrible and you're doing all of these things wrong you're like yeah I know but this is all I know how to do you kind of just every day learn a little bit and just continue to do your best because that's all you can do yeah yeah and I do you know what it's interesting because we're hearing that from you and I think everyone who's listening right now is going that's me too like you know I think it doesn't matter how old you are or how wise you are or how smart or whether you have your own business or you don't we're just all feeling that way because everyone is just trying to do their best and sometimes their best is not good enough for everyone else but that's all they could give and i feel that for anyone and everyone today and so i think what you're saying resonates or feels very relatable at least even to me and i'm sure everyone who's listening is thinking that as well like i'm just trying yeah and that's like the normal human experience yeah i'm radhi davlukia and i'm the host of a really good cry podcast and I have the opportunity to talk to Logan Uri.

45:59Logan is a dating expert, a behavioral scientist, a best-selling author and someone who is seriously changing the way we think about love and dating. In our conversation we talk all things dating that Logan has studied and tested from what to put in your dating profile, the pictures you should and shouldn't be using to the conversation starters that actually work and the huge no-nos that people probably do not realize are reducing their chances of success on apps. Whether you're single, dating or just trying to be more intentional in love, Logan offers the kind of clarity we all need. Relationships do require work.

46:32And the best relationships are people who really work on them together. They're so focused on if I find the perfect person, then I'll have the perfect relationship. Instead of understanding really that they can choose someone great and then build that relationship together. They don't need to keep searching for perfection. Listen to A Really Good Cry on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And I definitely get on myself about it, but everyone's just doing their best. Like my parents are still figuring out who they are. You know, it's ever changing. Like my grandmother, before she passed, started to get a handle on all of the social media stuff and like how to watch me.

47:15She would watch YouTube videos or like see things online, articles. And she would be like, I heard you did this. And I'm like, well, that's not true. That's just like an article, you know, and she's like, no, no, no, but I saw it in the press. And I was like, yeah, I know, but it's not, it's not true. So we like had to get a handle on that, but she was changing and she was evolving with the times and she didn't know how it worked. And she was, you know, she was, she was a lot older and, and still figuring out who she is and well, how do I do this? And, and I want to watch you, but I have to discover this whole new thing.

47:48Everyone is learning something. And she was just doing her best to watch her grandchildren on social media. It's something that is so cute and something that seems so simple to me. Like, well, just download TikTok and watch my videos. you know but to her it was like this whole new thing that she has to learn and I think once you realize that literally everyone is just trying to do their best to get to the next day like you can be a lot easier on yourself but also a lot easier on everyone around you and also even just what you said about your grandmother like learning about how she's reading something that sounds so true and you're like no it didn't happen that way and it's funny because I go through similar things with me and my family.

48:34So my parents will read an article about me or whatever, and they'll get really upset for me or they'll get offended for me because there's something in it that they don't like or whatever it is. Or there's something said about the family, which you must have to deal with way more than I do because your family's in the spotlight too. But then they're like, oh, well, why did they say that about the family and this or that? And I'm like, I didn't say anything. Like, you know, it's almost like, I didn't even talk about that. I didn't mention anything. It's just someone coming up with something. yeah and i can't imagine like it's like the clickbait articles i'm like i'm telling you that this isn't real or she'd like see someone online she's like i don't like them why they said something about you three years ago well they're my friends now she's like i don't know i don't like them it's like all right you're gonna think whatever you think like that's fine and she was so cute and so so supportive like she spent all day on her ipad just watching youtube compilations of my TikToks and every time I see her she'd be like you need to stop cursing on the internet I was like I know I know that's so sweet that's so funny yeah I mean and you nice of you not to block her from those videos oh yeah even I know so many people that do that my other grandma she like still swipes up on all my stories she's like you look great or she'd reply to fan pages like a lot of people's grandparents I hear this all the time from all the social media kids it's like Like my grandma responds to my fan pages thinking they're me.

50:01And I'm like, but it's so like, it's so sweet. That's amazing. And I love it. And I mean, my grandma, that's my grandma on my dad's side. Like she still texts me all the time. Like, you look so good in this or this is so cool. Or anytime I do anything where it's like something that she would like, I'll like send her a photo. And, you know, she's just proud. you know that's also a good person to talk to that's just like always going to be proud of me just really nice to have yeah definitely and to allow that in do you find that you've found like i know you're close with markel who i love too he's such a i love markel's energy i've only met him a couple of times but he's so awesome have you found that you've got a good group of friends around you in the industry because what i've found is that so i have a bunch of great friends back in London who are like my best friends, like my best man at my wedding and like my closest friends that I grew up with.

50:59And I speak to them like, I speak to my best friend like three times a week still, because it's so important to me and I need it. And at the same time, I also need friends who are in the industry because there are certain things that we can all understand about the industry. Kind of like the idea of, yeah, don't trust the press on that and whatever, because they already know that because they go through the same stuff. Do you find, it sounds like you have a great group of friends back at home do you find that you've also found the good friends in the industry that you can kind of compare notes with a bit too and be like oh I just went through that and this is how I'm feeling yeah definitely I mean Markel's like he's family to me yeah he has shown so much to me just as a person whether it's talking to me one-on-one or defending me online or, you know, defending me to the people around him.

51:51Like he is someone that every person that meets him has so much amazing things to say about him. And I'm so thankful that I have him in my life. Whether it's like we're doing nothing or we're out with a bunch of people and we want to have a dance party in the middle of the dance floor and it's just us too. Like we'll do it. Or in the middle of a restaurant, whatever it is. Like I love that. But I've definitely found a lot of people that are in the industry. And a lot of the friendships that I have, I tend to keep quiet about. And a lot of the friendships that I have, I've met them in very, very weird ways.

52:27Because how am I supposed to meet people? I don't go out super often. I'm not usually around people my own age. A lot of my friends that I met, they were actually dancers at the Kids' Choice Awards. and we just clicked and I started to hang out with them and I really liked them and they're really cool people and they're in an industry that I'm so fascinated by and yeah they do so much similar things to me but it's also different and I think that that's really special and after meeting them it was really refreshing to be around people my own age and also just have people that are hardworking and determined and not competitive with me at all and just happy to see me happy and I can have fun with whether we're filming or not, you know, but even like my boyfriend, he's in the industry and, you know, we, we tend to handle things a little bit differently, but sometimes I, I have to be like, it's not worth it.

53:32You know, we don't have to respond. We don't have to do anything like it's not worth it. I know you, you know, me, whether people are saying things about our relationship, you know, having each other to kind of navigate that on our own is really nice because it's also what two 19 year olds in a relationship have their lives together. You know, there's ups and downs, like whether I'm working all the time or he's working all the time or I'm traveling or whatever it is, like there's always so much going on that can so easily put a strain on a relationship and also just coming into adulthood with two teenagers that have no idea what they're doing and just trying their best like you know it's been really confusing to navigate but also really refreshing to have someone else there that's like just trying to figure it out day by day it's almost yeah it's almost easier in one sense because you have someone to bounce it off of yeah as opposed to you're like am i crazy are you crazy see is this like is this okay you know so it's it's really nice do you do you think the hardest part about success and fame is having a relationship in the public eye would you say that that's the hardest part in terms of when it comes to your relationships or that's not sometimes i feel like you know when two people that are in a relationship have like an off week or whatever there can be the whole this person didn't like their photo or they haven't posted together they're broken up or this person's starting a rumor like even if you you two are struggling that's for you to go through and handle it however is appropriate whether you guys part ways or continue to work through things together like no relationship is perfect ever you have moments where so much is going on like during dancing with the stars I was dancing seven days a week.

55:36I was never home. He was like, I felt like I didn't have a girlfriend. And that was really hard. It was hard on my parents, you know, like it's a lot. And especially for two young teenagers to go through, like, we don't, we don't know how to do this. No one knows how to do this. So we're just doing our best and there's ups and downs, but we work through it and that's just being a person you know yeah yeah yeah no absolutely and and and just the idea of it is interesting when you've got two people who have crazy lives and and have different journeys and have different you know commitments and family commitments and there's just so much going on yeah to keep up with it all what have you found what has helped you both kind of keep up with each other's schedules and each other's lives because that's not going to change yeah at least not right now.

56:28And so how, what, what has helped? What has worked? I think, you know, we've obviously talked about this so much just as a whole, I was, I was just gone for almost two weeks and we were on different time zones, just trying to text and update each other, but it's figuring out what each other needs. You know, if he wants me to keep him updated, then I'll keep him updated because that's what he needs. If I need him to tell me what's going on in his week so I don't feel left out, that's totally cool. That's what I need. It's just having that conversation and realizing that people's needs change and adapting with that and not feeling like, well, I don't want to make him upset.

57:13He's working a lot and I know he's super busy. I need a shoulder to lean on. It's also having the conversation. Sometimes I'll literally say, I'm really, really sensitive right now. I just need some extra support. And then he knows to, well, she needs this right now. Okay. That's totally cool. That's two people in a relationship doing whatever they can to make the other person happy. Just normal human things and definitely not worrying about what anyone online has to say. It's so not worth it. It really isn't. Because 99 % of these people are looking for you to respond. Even today, I woke up to some crazy person talking about me in the most wildly disrespectful way I've really seen in a long time.

58:02And the thing is, me and this person were at an event together. And this person introduced themselves. I introduced myself. We tried to be nice. This kid was not nice to me and then went and talked very poorly on me. And Landon's like, well, let me call this kid. And I'm like, it's not that big of a deal. Like, it's not. That's what he's looking for. Is it taking everything in me not to respond or not to text him? Yeah. But I know if I text him, he's going to post it. And that's going to be a thing. And he's going to get exactly what he wants, me to respond and give in to whatever story he wants to portray to the people that watch him.

58:38It's not my problem. Like, I know who I am. And that's good enough for me. Like, it doesn't matter. Yeah. And it's so hard to get to that point, but it's so liberating when you do. Like it's so freeing when you realize that where you're like actually not responding is not getting caught up in someone else's thing. And like, then it just gives people an opportunity to, well, if I say this about her, then she's going to respond. And it's like, I don't have time to respond to every little thing that people have to say about me. And it, it takes so much. it's so draining to to have to see that and the more you talk about it the more your fans talk about it and people in the press talk about it and it's like for what reason because I was angry at this kid who I met once like who cares yeah and it's hard when the person you're in a relationship with wants to defend you too and like and he's so sweet he is so quick to defend me in every way possible and i just have to be like it's cool like it's good i feel like i tell him that all the time because he gets so upset whenever people have something negative to say about me or his family and i mean i think i definitely told him like many many times it's cool like it's it's totally fine They're going to say it no matter what.

1:00:05And even if you respond and are like, well, this isn't true because this is this. They're not, they already read it and they think what they think about you. They're not going to change their minds. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're arguing with people that don't care what you have to say. Yeah, it's already lost. Like, yeah, it's a lose-lose situation. So moving on is the best thing you can do. Yeah, no. And it's wonderful to be with someone and have that with someone who you know cares about you that deeply. And my wife's like that. Like my wife gets very defensive about me and like can get really activated and she gets really upset for me and whatever it may be.

1:00:37And I really always appreciate that because I can see that she knows who I am. And that's kind of what it goes back to where I'll always say the same thing to her. I'm like, I'm just glad I have someone who knows who I am. Especially like when someone cares about you like that, to see you upset because of something and not being able to fix the problem because they just want to see you happy. like I understand how upset that might make you you know and I I feel bad because sometimes I feel like I drag him into the drama just because of the relationship but I think knowing that you know we have each other and I can tell him like this was this actually really hurt my feelings today And it was, it was a lot.

1:01:22And I just need some comfort and I need you to be by my side. And that's good enough for me, you know? Yeah, definitely, definitely. Charlie, what are you excited about right now? Like what's kind of like, you know, you've done so many amazing things. And I feel like this journey that you're saying with your identity of like getting to know yourself better. Yeah. You've done so many things. And I'm guessing some of them you're like, oh yeah, that was Charlie D 'Amelio. And then this is Charlie. it's like what is charlie like really excited about or curious about or passionate about or like what's coming up where you're like oh i really want to try that out or learn that or whatever whatever it may be like open floor um okay i think first thing that i'm most excited about is my dogs i have a puppy um i know i sound so lame i'm not laughing because i think it's lame i love it because it's cute it's just like yeah you're gonna have to open up a dog shelter i know I'm like in love with her.

1:02:14I have my like older dog who's nine. She's literally me as a dog and I'm obsessed with her. She's the most adorable dog ever. She's a literal human. But then I have this puppy that Lana and I adopted from Nashville and she's like, she was abandoned and she was like, it was a horrible story and it really like pulled at my heartstrings and I was like, okay I need to take you home now like I will take care of you I love you and like watching her grow up and being responsible for her I think has been very refreshing to me because my older dog she's you know she's very self-sufficient she's also very lazy so I'll be up in the morning and she'll wake up two hours later ready to be fed like she is not she has her own schedule and I love that about her because that's how I raise her.

1:03:06She's a very like laid back dog, can have all the lights on and she's sleeping. Like, I love that. But this puppy, you know, you have to train her. You have to, it's very specific. And these formative puppy years are so important to who this dog becomes. There's no bad dogs. There's only bad dog owners. So I just like, I'm loving this journey of truly, cause you know, I got my dog nine years ago. I was 10. I wasn't actually raising her and now I'm getting the chance to raise a dog. And it's really, really exciting and special. And seeing the two of them together is like my favorite thing ever.

1:03:40I think something else that I'm excited for is I have a dance room in my garage. So I love just going down there any time of the day, whether it's four in the morning or 1 p.m. and just like letting go and being open with myself and using movement as therapy and also getting a little bit of a workout in, you know, like being productive. I love that. And probably experimenting more with my style. Oh, that's something that I've just recently started to get into. I think Landon and my sister had a lot to do with that because I love the way that they put together outfits. I think that they both have really good styles and it comes very natural to them.

1:04:25And to me, it's a lot harder because I always go for what I know instead of stepping out of the box. But I'm trying. So that's something exciting. And it's fun to experiment, you know. I love how personal all those were. Those were great. they were great choices thank you yeah I love how none of them were career related and like none of them were work related and that's awesome because I can tell that you've you've really started carving those two things as separate yeah um work-wise you know using my voice more online I think that you know even doing a podcast is something very outside of my comfort zone a lot of my career has been not talking so it's been very hard for me to get into using my voice and figuring out what do I want to say, especially when you don't know yourself.

1:05:13How do you answer questions? You can't just say I don't know for everything. So that's something that's been special, and I've been trying to make more content for my fans and trying to use my voice more and even little things. Finishing a Get Ready With Me, which I film 50 of them and I post one of them, trying to get more into it and go back to the reason why I started social media, because I like it. And I'm finally at a point where I like it again, which is really refreshing and nice. It doesn't feel like work. I love that. And what's been, what is that when you say you want to use your voice and even doing the podcast today, like you coming on today and, you know, being open and trusting me and trusting this space and just being vulnerable with the idea of, like you said, I don't know, I'm trying to figure out who I am and being okay with that, which I think, by the way, for a 19 year old is, is completely normal and wonderful and good.

1:06:09And like, I think that's amazing that you want to spend this time in your life, figuring out who you are. I think it's the best investment you could ever make. I'm so happy that you're doing it. I'm hoping that you take your whole audience and community on a journey to do it for themselves, because you're going to save so many people from so many stressful 20 to 30 year old journeys, right? Like literally, like you can either do it now or you can do it when you're 30 and if you do it now it's like you're gonna help so many people what is is that kind of like when you say using your voice is that the type of journey you want people to go on with you or are you are you still figuring out what that journey it is that you want people to go on with you yeah as of right now it's literally just talking talking online just actually using my voice you know for so long it was a song and no words like it sounds so little but just talking I feel like that's something that is which is so weird but it's so outside of my comfort zone and I feel so like weird doing it but has honestly been really refreshing for me because, you know, I'm growing up and a part of growing up is being confident with what you have to say and using your words and just talking with, you know, a little bit of purpose.

1:07:36And I'm growing up, but also so are all of the people that are watching me. And I think bringing them on that journey of this is literally just what I'm doing. I'm not talking about anything that's really of any importance sometimes sometimes i'm just talking but that's what i need to do to move to this next step of my life to hopefully talk about something important and talk about what matters to me i think that that's this is a very integral step of growing up i think that's really smart i genuinely do i think that takes a lot of courage to even say that i don't think it's i don't think it's like insignificant at all i think it it makes a lot of sense to me that in order for you to stand for something, you need to get to a point where you just feel comfortable being open and sharing.

1:08:24Yeah, and so much of the beginning few years of this journey, every time I talked, someone had something to say and you get canceled every five seconds. That was what was happening to me for so long any time I opened my mouth. So I just stopped talking. I stopped saying anything that was important to me. I stopped doing anything that was outside of the box that I was put in where I couldn't go wrong if I just didn't do anything, you know? And I have opinions. I have thoughts. I have things I like. I have things I don't like. Why can't I just say it? Like, who is stopping me? The people that actually care what I have to say, they're going to support me even if they disagree, you know?

1:09:10Whether it's I really like this outfit and they don't. Like, that's cool. they respect my opinion i respect theirs that's awesome the people that don't like me they're not gonna like me no matter what they didn't like me when i wasn't saying anything they're not gonna like me now that's fine i'm i'm not making my videos for them yeah definitely when when you say you still want to get to know who you are and your identity what are the parts that you're like i'm still just trying to figure this out or this part i'm like really curious about i'm trying to learn about this about myself but i don't know what you're like what are those parts of yourself Yeah, I think a lot of it has to do with the way that I present myself, whether it's how do I like my makeup done?

1:09:53How do I like to dress? How do I like to look? How do I like to show myself to other people? Not just what is going on at the moment. How do I like to smell? You know, I like Born Dreamer. I know I like that. and let's discover for future with Born Dreamer, what else do I like? Whatever I know I like, go a little bit deeper. And something so simple, I've been doing more colors with my nails, which is so random and so small. It's your nails. People get their nails done all the time, but I did bright green and I thought about that for three weeks before I did it. And why? I enjoyed it. I liked the color.

1:10:36I wanted it on my nails. It made me happy. Every time I saw them I was like I did that that was something different I normally do nude let's do something fun like that little thing was so much fun for me and it brought me so much happiness and I would match this color to this and it's just so fun why am I robbing myself of fun because I don't want to put myself out there yeah good for you I honestly like you're literally doing all the practical steps that it takes to build your values yeah and that's what it is all of these little habits for anyone who's listening all these little habits and these little changes that you're making they turn into values that you appreciate about yourself so a value could be and i'm not putting a value on you i'm just throwing it out there as for a reflection but a value could be i like freedom or i like self-expression or i like uh random can be a value or whatever it may be and like and then those values become things you can use in the future for how you make decisions yeah So one of my values has always been to take risks.

1:11:37I feel like I took risks ever since I was 14, 18, 21. And I've noticed that pattern in my life. And so now when I'm taking a risk, I'm not that scared anymore because I've always taken risks my whole life. And I love how when I first took a risk, I didn't even know what a risk was. Like when I was 14 years old or 18, I just did it. And now when I look back, I'm like, oh no, that's a skill I have now. And so it's almost like when you're doing all these things, you're just collecting lots of different like skills. And then one day they'll evolve into values which will form an identity. And then you'll be able to be like, these are the three things that I value and that really matter to me.

1:12:15And, you know, I love that. I love how simple you've made it for yourself. And I love how you've broken it down because I think a lot of us try to like leapfrog to like, this is who I am now. And we almost want the performance part before the work part. And it's like, I feel like you're doing the work part yeah and it's it's great to watch it's really great to see thank you charlie what have i not asked you about that you're like i really want to share this so this has been on my heart on my mind or like something you want to talk about that you're like this is what i want to use my voice for and you haven't asked me about it or it just didn't come up something for me that i think is very interesting which is very random and has nothing to do with my career my personal life or anything.

1:12:56I love the San Diego Safari Park, which is so random, but I've recently found, I watched this like whole video on it, this like very specific thing that you have to go through a lot of steps to be able to get it for like a zoo or aquarium or anything. But it's a certificate that shows if it's humane to the animals. And learning about that has been really interesting because I love going there and I love how free the animals are and how it's just like they are in the wild and how they help the animals. And that's definitely something that I want to get more into is like figuring out exactly what it is and going to more places like that and, you know, not appreciating places like SeaWorld that treat their animals horribly, you know, like little things like that, that I think is so interesting because I love animals.

1:13:41So that was something I need to find the name of exactly what that little like thing is, but it's really cool. And like to get that, you have to go through a lot of work and every place is constantly trying to outdo each other so the bar is constantly being raised which i think is so interesting it's the quality of how they treat the animals there and they have to pass a certain number of right right wow yeah so that's really cool and something random that i just know i love that yeah my my wife's a big fan of uh visiting animals as much as we can and so she's she's kind of always led that and we've gone to some of the randomest places in in la because of her but her relationship with animals is really beautiful and she can like you know start a relationship with I love you know yeah and it's really special to watch and it's really interesting because we went to a couple last year and she'd always come back really like even more calm and even more just still and and I and it was really beautiful to see just how when you're connected to nature and we are nature and you know we're a part of that but now we feel so disconnected from it yeah but animals are such a great way of reconnecting what do you find i guess fulfilling or meaningful about being obviously your dogs but with these animals like what is it about it for you specifically that you appreciate about it i think it's just so peaceful and to learn so much like when you go to these places i will come back only talking about animal facts for like a month and i love it and sometimes people are like that's like where did you even come up with that but I think it's so cool and so interesting to see all these animals in with each other and and how they respond to things and I love places where it's like if they're out and you see them that's great if not they don't feel like being out that's just how it is I just think it's so interesting And I literally, I've been to the San Diego Safari twice.

1:15:37And the first time, talked about animal facts for like two months. The second time, leading up to going, I was all I could talk about. And I brought, I got so many other people excited about it because I was like, but you don't understand how cool it is. Like you are 20 feet away from a cheetah with like, there's no big fence up, you know, like it's crazy. just to see these animals just living not worried about anything that is so materialistic or anything like that like i don't know i just find so much joy in it yeah yeah definitely have you been to anywhere in africa i haven't and i really want to go i've like i've seen so many videos and so many of my friends have gone and it just seems so cool yeah i i've talked about this before on the podcast but i'm sharing it because it's natural in our conversation i went to rwanda last year wow and rwanda reveres gorillas so literally every time there's a new gorilla in rwanda the community comes together and they name it and they have this whole ceremony for it and so they've had these uh gorilla sanctuaries for years and so same as what you're saying there's no fences or walls or whatever it's basically the mountains and you take treks into the mountains and you discover gorilla in their natural habitat and there's families so we followed we've i went three days and one of the days we discovered a family that had like 20 gorillas in it then we discovered another one and you get to see the babies and the adults and it was easily one of my favorite things i've done in my entire life and it was just the most magical experience because you're truly in nature the animals are in their habitats you're going into their home yeah and they're gonna they're so respectful and let you do your thing and at the same time you get to learn about them in this really intimate way it was beautiful to just see how they took care of the kids how the kids played around how they were defensive if we got too close like just everything about them and the guides that we had said that you can also go and walk so this was walking with gorillas but they said you could go walk with elephants too that's cool and me and my wife have been talking about doing that we're like i'd love to go walk with elephants like how cool would that be and so there's all these incredible experiences out there and you know whether it's a local safari or whether it's being able to go there yeah and have this experience i i definitely feel and my other team someone on my team's been talking about going to see the great migration which is what so the easy version of it i'm giving a very bad explanation but just to make it relatable for everyone it's basically what happens in the lion king when all the wildebeest are like running across like so that's the great migration where they're like stampeding across the stampede where mafasa unfortunately dies like that moment is what the great migration is and it happens every single year that's so cool so yeah anyway i'm i'm getting carried away too but no i mean it's so easy to yeah it really is yeah and it's magical to think that these things exist and you can go and witness them or even watch them online or a documentary whatever you know well at the san diego safari they're literally like with the southern white rhinos and the northern white rhinos it's like one of them is going extinct and they're literally figuring out through stem cells, like how to bring it back.

1:18:46It's so, so wild and so interesting. And hearing these people talk about it and, and all of the steps they're going through with scientists and zoologists and literally everyone to help, you know, bring back the species of rhinos. It's like, this is so cool and has nothing to do with anything that I do in my normal everyday life. but how interesting is that to just hear and and see and like what that's crazy but I don't know I just think that that's so cool I love it I love it and I hope you just keep pursuing and following all of these things that you think are cool and you know you're it's not that you don't know yourself I wouldn't say that you don't know who you are I just say that you're you're firmly on that path yeah like you're on that path of self-discovery and you're doing it a perfect time in your life and you're taking every one of the right steps like you know it's not that you don't know who you are or you're confused you're just you're just taking those steps and and all of it's going to become more and more clear as you continue to take more steps so yeah thank you for sharing the this part of the journey with me because I'm hoping that in a few years time you'll come back and then you'll be like Jay I figured this out like these are all of my favorite things Things that I've decided.

1:20:05Yeah. And I hope they'll change again. And, you know, but I'm glad that you came and shared this part because this is the hardest part to share when you're not sure and you're figuring it out. And I'm glad that we had the opportunity to capture that today. Yeah. And I really, really appreciate you sharing that with people because it is the hardest part to share when you're like, I don't know. I'm not quite there, but this is where I am now. Yeah. Perfect. Charlie, thank you so much. No, thank you. For coming on the show today. And we end every episode with a final five. And these, I'm going to totally ruin these because I enjoy doing that.

1:20:42But you're meant to answer them in one word to one sentence maximum. But I will probably ask you to expand because they always lead to more thoughtful answers. So, all right, Charlie, these are your final five. The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received or even given to someone? This is probably the only thing that keeps me sane. whether it's good or bad everything happens for a reason you can't control it and that's something you hold on to it yeah makes me feel like i'm not going crazy when have you used that the most you can explain i mean when i feel like i have no idea what to do next or i feel like everything's coming crashing down this is important because it's helping me get to the next step of my life And as much as this sucks right now, I need it.

1:21:31And some of the worst parts where I feel like I'm at an all-time low, that helped me get to that next step. So next time I'm feeling like that, I know first I can get myself out of it. And second, that, you know, maybe it's not that big of a deal. And in a year, not even going to remember it. Absolutely. Love that. All right. Second question. What's the worst advice you've ever heard or received? It's probably that I need to say yes to everything because you don't know when this is going to end. Sometimes you just need to say no and take that time for yourself. I'm so glad you brought that up.

1:22:10So many young creators here that. Just overwhelm themselves. And it's, you're doing a disservice to yourself. Give yourself time to figure out who you are. And I think you're so right. like i've i've said this to a lot of people too that it will only end when you want it to like nothing can end if you're if you're alive and you're creating and you're building like things just don't end and i think we use the end as a scarcity tactic or a fear tactic to get more out of someone or to get the most out of it right now not realizing that someone could take a break for three years if that's what they wanted to do and come back even stronger and bigger and better and whatever yeah and i just don't think we allow people to have that space and i think it's really unhealthy for anyone to think that oh if i'm not don't do this i'm going to be irrelevant or whatever it's like actually if you're an artist you could take time out and come back in years from now and create a masterpiece yeah i mean the first like three years of my career all anyone was saying was it could be over like that no one's going to care about you and i spent so much time when is it going to end?

1:23:22Everyone keeps telling me it's going to end. Do I want it to end? Maybe I want it to end. Maybe I want a break and it just to all be over and go back to my normal life. I've taken breaks. I've taken step backs. I've done everything that was coming to me at the moment. And it's like letting whether the people that are watching you are going to stay or leave, dictate every move you make, those people that really care about you, they're not just going to leave if you stop posting for a month or a week or however long like put your own mental state first yeah yeah because if you don't put your mental state first then it's definitely gonna go away yeah you're gonna get burnt out and then no one's gonna care because you don't care exactly or you're not gonna be able to put anything out like you know and if you look at it that perspective it's like yeah you just keep pushing and pushing and pushing yeah you lose yourself and then you have nothing to share and then you've definitely you know lost out no really really great answer I love that question number three what is the craziest rumors you've heard about yourself one that made you laugh and one that made you cry ones that make me laugh are

1:24:33probably the ones where I'll like I'll seem super I'll see like blind items about myself and it's like she did this crazy thing at this party and it was wild and and i was like didn't even go to a party that's so like like where did you guys come up with this i wasn't even there um so those ones always make me laugh and they're like so not true yeah i just have to be like okay this is crazy yeah i it's funny you said about not being at the party like so i i officiated uh ben and jen's wedding last year and there was a guest list that was printed and the guest list just had everyone's name on it and everyone was like asking me like oh did you see this person do you see this one i was like they weren't there yeah like it was a really private wedding yeah but it's like everyone assumes that all these people were there now that all these magazines are printed there everyone assumes that it was just this big celebrity wedding it's like well it wasn't yeah it was just a really intimate friends and family wedding just makes you laugh like yeah you guys pulled this out of nowhere nowhere like it was just crazy to me i was like how do you make this up like you know and so there was no official guest list printed externally yeah all right uh yeah and then one that kind of like got to you or if there was one that like made you more emotional or things that make you more emotional in general things that make me more emotional are definitely ones that try to display my character in a way where you know i I don't want to defend everything that I do.

1:26:08I don't want to defend every rumor that comes out about me. But it's like to think that people think I'm capable of doing these things that, you know, are sometimes so horrible or, you know, they're especially when I was like 16. 16 was really hard for me and I would hear these grown adults every single day Charlie did this Charlie did that Charlie did this I literally it was actually right when I hit 100 million I think I was at the lowest mental state possible and I looked so happy online and it got to the point where I was I was like I'm not doing this anymore like I physically cannot do this like Like it got really dark to where I was like, I don't even want to be here anymore.

1:27:00And I think back to those times and the grown adults that put 16-year-old me in that mindset. And I'm just like, like you guys have kids now. Like you guys are grown. And first of all, never got an apology through a direct message. never got an apology or anything besides if it was for other people or that they want something from me. And I just like, I wish that they could see what they did to me and how truly horrible they treated me. And like, what if that was your kid? What if, what if that was you? How would you feel. And like, I'm so proud of myself for getting myself through that. Cause that really like, depending on how I responded to that could have changed the trajectory of my life, whether I started to cope in unhealthy ways or, or harmed myself or did something that, you know, would make these people feel bad.

1:28:08Like, I'm just very glad that I have the people around me. And And also got to give some credit to myself, was able to get out of that. I can't, I mean, even just hearing you talk about it, like it feels so hard and heavy. And like, I can feel how intense it could have been. Like what got you through that? Like, what was it that, because at 16, I mean, you don't have a lot to pull on. Like what gets you through all of that, especially being around, you know, now your family's more used to it. So everyone has a bit more, it doesn't make it easier. I'm not saying it makes it easier, but people are more aware of it.

1:28:42Yeah, for sure. But at that time, it's like right at the beginning. You know, it was really hard for a long time. And especially at that point, I showed myself in a very specific light and didn't want to let anyone know it was getting to me. And then I would go and cry on live. And I think back to that. And I think it was the people that I had around me. Like it was getting to the point where like people were coming to my house to check on me. Like it was bad. And like I don't know if these people that did this, like I think they know who they are, but are ever going to see this? Like first of all, I think I deserve an apology.

1:29:25second of all not that I need one because I'm content with how it happened whatever but the fact that there's no accountability for those people but there was so much accountability for a 16 year old I think is so wild and there's so like honestly the hardest stuff to deal with was the people that were grown adults that were like just ripping on me every second of every day like Like 20 videos. Like what? I now look back and I'm so disgusted by the fact that these people like thought that that was okay. It's so wild. And I'm just, I'm very thankful that I had my friends and my family and enough in myself to want to get through it and come out the other side and show these people that they can't ruin me.

1:30:19and I have more to show people than what I've done so far. That's so powerful. And it's so, no, it really is. It's so powerful to hear that. And it breaks my heart hearing it too, because I totally get what you're saying in terms of just like when you have kids, we live in a world that wants to prioritize mental health. But then when we take people apart, whether they've made a mistake or not, we're not mindful of their mental health at all. yeah and it's almost like if someone's made a mistake or maybe not even made a mistake it's almost like well now we don't have to treat them as if they have mental health yeah at all or it's like people loved me because I wasn't perfect and I was authentic but then anytime I would mix up my words or make a mistake or do anything outside of what was okay for these people it was like yeah well I hate her and everyone should hate her and she's a horrible person because of this and I was like, but what did I do?

1:31:19Like, it was so hard to come to terms with the fact that so many people hated me and I was just doing my best. And I was like, but I, I don't get it. Like, all I do is try to please everyone around me and they're not happy. Like, how do I, how do I do this? I'm never going to win. And you know, that's really hard. Like I give myself so much credit for how I handled this stuff the best way i knew how like so wild if you ever doubt how tough you are you just got to remember 16 year old charlie because she was a beast yeah that's so tough that is really really intense yeah it's really really intense how have you dealt with that feeling of like trying to keep everyone else i know you've talked about it before the idea of like trying to keep everyone else afloat and you want to kind of let go of that pressure do you feel like you've let go of it or do you feel like you're letting go of it?

1:32:16I think I am in certain aspects, but also leaning into it a little, you know, like maybe not what the internet wants, but what does my family want? What do my friends want? What does my boyfriend want? You know, like those people, what do my true fans want? What do they want me to put out that would make them happy? Because I'm doing it for these people. And maybe if I'm feeling a little bit burnt out right now, I really think back to, well, this is the reason that I started doing it. But also understanding that I have to listen to myself and what I need. Yeah, figuring out that balance, which I don't think I'll ever truly get the hang of because it's always changing, but at least acknowledging it.

1:33:04All right, question four and five, last two questions. what's something new that you're trying to learn this year or something that a skill that you're trying to develop I want to get better at packing and like traveling because you travel so much yeah and it's such a stressor for me literally every single time before I leave for a trip I will have a little mental breakdown full like tears everything it's a that's another control thing and a very obsessive compulsive thing that I do because I like to have my stuff around me I like to have my things I like to have everything that I could possibly need like even in my purse I have everything that I could possibly need for if I go on a three-day vacation like it just causes me so much stress that I would like to be able to take a overnight trip and just like pack and go without worrying so much like that would be the dream yeah that's a great that i think that's a great skill that i wish everyone was taught right definitely there are great packers and there are bad packers yeah and i'm a bad packer for sure and i get that do what my wife does my wife just takes six suitcases she's literally my sister she will go places pack like an hour before she's like only brought one shoe yeah how how do you do this this is insane yeah that's amazing i love it all right great charlie final question fifth and final question if you could and you could take your time with this if you could create one rule or one law that everyone in the world had to follow what would it be lead with empathy don't be so hard on every single thing every situation everything no matter what.

1:34:52You never, ever know what someone's truly going through. Even you can ask me what's wrong and I could tell you one thing and maybe deep down it's something else that I'm embarrassed to tell you about. You just never know the struggle that someone's dealing with when they're by themselves. So just be a little more empathetic. I feel like COVID really caused people to react fast just take a step back you know hear people out just calm down calm down a little bit yeah it's so needed for ourself and others and it's amazing how many of us we all know we need that world but it's almost like the system and society and the way it works is set up to make us not be that yeah right like we all want that we all say that and then something happens in press and then everyone jumps on it and like and i have to say that to myself too yeah keep yourself in check you know definitely charlie i love how this conversation has been so fun and deep yeah and like random and unique and i love that because that's what all of us are right like i think if you try and have a conversation that's just deep or just cool or just whatever it doesn't work but when you just get to know someone 360 it's it's a bit quirky it's a bit funny it's it was super thoughtful and insightful and i'm so glad that it was truly you i hope you felt that way yeah definitely this is refreshing for me good i'm glad and thank you so much for trusting me and uh being here and i'm so grateful and everyone has been listening or watching whether you're walking your dogs because i know you do that whether you're at the gym whether you're driving to and from work or whether you're editing a video right now i want to say thank you to you for listening and i hope that you're going to share your highlights of so many great insights thoughts just reflections i think that charlie shared with us today make sure you share the ones that stood out to you tag both me and charlie as well whether you're using tiktok x or instagram because i love seeing what you related to and what you connected to there were so many parts today i felt when i was listening i was like oh i get that like i hear that and i want to know what you heard and what you understood and what you learned uh charlie thank you so much again i hope you'll come on many many more times yes thank you for having me seriously this is It's really nice to be able to have the space to talk about anything.

1:37:11Well, you're always welcome. Thank you. You're always welcome. Thank you. If you love this episode, you will also love my interview with Kendall Jenner on setting boundaries to increase happiness and healing your inner child. You could be reading something that someone is saying about you and being like, that is so unfair because that's not who I am. And that really gets to me sometimes. But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like, but I know who I am. Why does anything else matter? This is an iHeart Podcast.