Chris Paul ON: How to Create Habits for Discipline and Consistency & Empowering Yourself Through Forgiveness for Healing

30:22You're also guided by faculty who've lived the work themselves. scholars and practitioners with real experience. This is the kind of opportunity that reminds you it's never too late to go after what you want. If you've been waiting for the right moment, this is it. Head to waldenu.edu and take that first step. Walden University, set a course for change. Certified to operate by CHEV. This episode of On Purpose is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. I believe that travel is one of the greatest gifts that we've ever been given and Chase Sapphire Reserve has been my gateway to the world's most captivating destinations.

31:06Every time I travel, I find a part of myself I didn't know was missing. I remember being in this small town, completely unplugged, and for the first time in a while, I felt still. Travel does that. It grounds you, expands you, and connects you to something deeper. That's why I'm always looking for experiences that go beyond the typical Chase Sapphire Reserve makes traveling a breeze Earning 8x points on all purchases through Chase Travel And granting access to Sapphire Lounge by the club at select airports nationwide No matter my destination, travel is more rewarding with Chase Sapphire Reserve Discover more with Chase Sapphire Reserve at chase.com forward slash sapphire reserve Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank NA Member FDIC Subject to credit approval Terms apply Yeah, yeah, well said, well said And going back to one of your rituals I was just thinking about this You said you write Can't give up now On your shoes before you Before you got to play a game And I was thinking like What is that, you know 18 years is a long time To dedicate professionally And then what to speak of all the prep and everything else that goes into it.

32:24But what does it feel like to get traded, to feel down and out, to feel like it's not going in the direction you want and then to can't give up now? Yeah. Like I find that that kind of pivot, for some people it breaks them and for some people it makes them. And for you, any sort of pivots have only taken you further and further and further for you to perform and pursue at a higher level. What is that? Because I think people look at you and even when I read your book, I was just thinking, you're working really hard at basketball. You're really working hard at your family. You're working hard at being a dad.

32:56I'm like, this guy works hard on every area of his life. Like there's not something. You're trying to. Yeah, I respect that. You don't come across as you're perfecting it, but there's this energy of like, I'm thinking about how I'm raising my kids and thinking about my family relationship. But then when the career part is having its hiccups and slip ups and whatever else in the past, what did you find when you get that can't give up now? Like, where does that come from? So I'll tell you where that came from was when I got traded from Houston to OKC, like to be honest, I was mad, like really mad because I've been told one thing and another thing happened.

33:34And when I went to Houston, we moved like 15 people to Houston. Right. So to not know and to know that I was going to Oklahoma City, I was hot. I was in Augusta, Georgia, and I didn't know what that meant. Right? I didn't know what that meant. I didn't know what was next. It was the first time I had been blindsided with something like that. There's a song by Mary Mary, right? It's called Can't Give Up Now. Because like I said in the book, I grew up in church. I was in church four or five days a week. And I remember listening to that song and getting emotional. And it was like, look, the trade didn't happen.

34:08The ESPN, everybody talking about it or whatnot. I learned this a while ago in the league is that ain't nobody going to feel sorry for you. And like you said, I've learned that too in this business, that there's two different type of people. People who are going to feel bad for themselves and just salt. And then there's other people who are going to get to work. And so that was my mindset. It was like, all right, I think I'm done. All right, cool. I put my head down and do the work. And so that was my whole energy going into that. Yeah. How do you differentiate between what the media is building as a narrative versus your narrative?

34:47Like, how do you, I find like athletes, that's what makes the athlete's job a million times harder than even playing the game. Yeah. Especially now with social media where there's so much chatter, so much conversation. How do you keep your focus around this is reality and that's just noise? That's crazy you said that because I learned something about myself even a few years ago. I can't have that clutter. Right? And when I played back in LA I think I said this in the book too with the Clippers Doc Rivers he used to talk about getting rid of the clutter. Right? So when you get home from a game if your team lose everybody that's with your family and all that what they gonna do?

35:27If y 'all lost the game what they gonna say? Yeah. It was everybody else's fault. Oh right. Right? Like if you lose a game and you get home everybody in your family gonna be like Like, this person wasn't doing that. That person wasn't doing that. They ain't never going to say nothing about you. Right? And so that's literally clutter. Right? And the same thing I've learned years ago in the playoffs. Like, in the playoffs, you got to win four games out of seven. Right? And I don't care what anybody says about social media or whatnot. But if you win a game in the playoffs and you go on the social media and you had a great game and everybody talking about you like you're the best thing since pants with pockets, then you might let your guard down, right?

36:10And the same thing, if you don't have a good game and you go out there and everybody's talking about how sorry you are, you might lose a little bit of confidence. So for me, I try to block out all of that noise. You know what I mean? So that's like when the playoffs start, I don't want to see what ESPN talking about. I don't want to see what Bleacher, I don't want to see what none of them talking about because you got to just stay locked in and stay focused. And as long as you know what's true, you know what I mean? People are always going to say something. Always. They're going to try to have some type of narrative or whatnot.

36:42But as long as you know what's real, I think that's what can help you keep your sanity. Yeah. And I think that's one of the hardest skills for anyone, let alone someone who a lot of people in the world are talking about. Like that's, you know, I can imagine that affects kids today. I'm sure kids feel it at school and you see that with them at school. And see, this is the thing I'll tell you, and I'm not a parent, coach, anything like that. I can only tell you my experience, but what I've learned with social media with kids, right? And having a 13 and a 10-year-old is that when I was growing up, if a girl didn't like you or something like that, you dealt with it at school, right?

37:20Once you went home, you didn't have to deal with it, right? You just saw her at school the next day. Now with phones and social media and all that, one thing I know is that these kids are dealing with things all day long, right? It could be on Snapchat. It could be on Instagram or whatnot. And if us as adults, if we can't handle that mental capacity, like I said, I can't handle that. Like I'm on Instagram, but I'll go weeks without even looking at it. You know what I mean? Just because I feel like, you know, with our stories and stuff like that now, we ask people how they doing. We already know what the hell and did for the last three weeks.

37:57You know what I mean? So that's just me. Yeah. Yeah. There's, I want to shift here because there's, what I found was really special as someone who was reading your book and just, again, like I said, learning so much about you. It was like, you said that your grandpa, you know, used to encourage you to listen to obituaries. And when they came on and you'd, he'd tell you more about that person too. Like he had this amazing It was weird though. It was weird and kind of strange because like it wasn't no like iPhones where the alarm went off and he knew to do it. It's like everybody would be working and my granddaddy would just be like, cut on the obituaries.

38:40And as soon as somebody hit the little radio player, the song would be playing. It's like kind of morbid. And they would just start naming off the people who had died, right? And I mean, everybody out there working and you might hear Mr. Ulysses or Bo or somebody say, oh, such and such died. You know, they didn't know. And my granddad might start talking about one of them, but because I talk about my grandmother dying when I was seven. That was my first time, you know, being faced with death. And then it's crazy. It was a funeral home in our hometown called Russell's Funeral Home. Like once every like two weeks or whatnot, they would bring their fleet of cars up to the service station because they had like a, it's crazy to think about now.

39:27They had a business account, right? With my granddad's service station. And so just, it was a lot, man. That's why I still don't deal with death well. You know what I mean? To see the hearses pull in there and I don't know, it was it was different yeah it's it's you said that with your grandmother's passing you were like i never really got over that like and i think that's that's so real for for so many people but like you said like people often say like i know how you feel but no one can know how you feel because they didn't know that person they didn't know your connection to them that experience like you you dealt with that so early on at seven and like you said you didn't you never really got it got over it.

40:09Now, when you look back on it, is it something you even want to get over or is it something that just stays with you and it's important? I think it just stays with me because I tell you, like writing this book was also like therapeutic because some of the stuff I never talked about. And so it might've been a week or two ago, I was talking to my parents and was just asking them, like, I was like, dad, I was like, when was the first time you dealt with death? right? Because my kids are 13 and 10 and they haven't, right? The only person I think that they've seen pass away, knock on wood, is my wife's grandmother, right?

40:46And so obviously the less you have to deal with death, the better. But I mean, as soon as I go to a funeral, right? All those emotions from when I was seven, you know, they come right back. They come right back. And there's something about the closure aspect of it and somebody not being there anymore. I'll tell you something really cool. My dad, when I grew up as a kid, videoed everything. Every one of my games was VHS, all of that. My dad found a bunch of those tapes and he had them converted into DVDs. And so recently, maybe like three weeks ago, he sent the DVDs to me. He hadn't even watched them.

41:29And I put one of the DVDs in and I was watching it. And we used to have events all the time at this place up the street from our house. And I was looking at the video and I was like, what is this? And I kept watching it for a while. And my granddad walked in. It was actually a video from his 60th birthday. Right. Literally just three weeks ago came across this. Wow. And it was like emotional watching it. And I started filming some of it because I hadn't heard my granddad's voice. in over 20 years since he passed away. I took a video of it and I put it in our family group chat. My mom called me.

42:07She pulled over to the side of the road and she was crying because you don't think about stuff like that. You know what I mean? My kids, they know the story of my grandfather. They know all of that, but they had never heard his voice. My wife, I didn't know she had never heard his voice, right? So to have this footage now and my brother talked, wishing him a happy birthday. And I'm anxiously watching. I'm like, man, where am I? Where am I? Because you see everybody setting up and then you see somebody say, all right, everybody be quiet. He about to walk in because it was like a surprise. And so when I heard somebody say that, I was like, oh, I must be bringing him in to surprise because we used to be together all the time.

42:47And then he walks in and now I don't see myself. And I'm like, where am I in this video? And as my brother's giving his happy birthday speech to my granddad, he says, if Chris was here, he would have said the same thing. And then I like just this whole feeling came over me because I wasn't there. And I called my mom. I was like, Mom, where was I? Where was I? And she was like, you had to be at an AAU tournament. And so it was crazy. Like I was getting emotional again because I was like, damn, that's sort of been the story of my life is missing stuff. you know what I mean but it's crazy like I said death and all this stuff you just you never get over it and you're not reminded of it until you you face with it again thank you for sharing that story man I mean that's like the to be reminded of being absent because you're pursuing your dream but then you know the stuff like you said sacrifice something has to be sacrificed but I can't imagine what it felt like to you know reconnect back with that memory through finding an amazing tape but then feeling like you're not there especially at this time with the book coming out to finally see that that was that was really cool and I think I mean I got my little cousin AJ and Takoya who like 29 and 27 they had never heard AJ had but they were kids or whatever when he died so they hadn't heard anything yeah what do you think was a lesson there's so many lessons in the book that you learned from your grandpa and that, you know, I think people should read the book for it to learn the depth of it.

44:25But what's the lesson that you think you carry in your heart the most that stays with you right now till this day that you feel lives with you? Man, it sounds so generic, but I say the work ethic, right? But it's crazy because I could sit here and say, you got to work, you got to work, it's the work ethic. But I would also say It's the balance because it's the one thing that I also learned about my family and my mom said this, and I never even thought about this aspect of it, was that my grandfather worked so hard. And I think I said this in the book that that was all he knew. So he never actually, I don't want to say enjoyed our family, but he never like went on vacation.

45:08You know what I mean? And I'm not saying you got to go to another country or something like that, but just try to make sure that there's balance and make sure that, of course, you got to work, work, work to provide. But make sure at some point you take some time to enjoy the people around you and your family. Because my mom said that the one time that my granddad actually went on vacation was when my grandmother was about to pass away. and so it wasn't until he seen that he was going to lose my grandmother that he was like okay I need to to do something with her yeah and you talk about how like he used to finish work at like 7 a.m to 7 30 and then he started ending at 6 yep and you were saying like to some people that may not be a big thing but to your family that was huge I was huge because all you saw him do was work All we saw him do was work.

45:59And when my grandmother died is when anywhere he went, I tried to go with him. I tried to go with him. And it's tough, man. Like I keep saying, my mom is unbelievable. because, I mean, I'll be 38 in a few weeks and I still got mom and dad. And it's not till I got older and I started like, I was like, man, mom, you lost mom and dad. You know, so I can't imagine that. Yeah, yeah. And how did they process it? Because you say in the book like how, you know, we don't always do therapy. We don't always talk about it. Have you helped them with their grief while you help yours? Do you find it useful as a family to connect or is it?

46:41You know, it's crazy. I don't think my parents have read the book yet. I'm so excited for them to read it. I want them to read the book, but I also want them to listen to the audio book because I did the audio book so they can actually hear my voice. And I think when they read it, they probably gonna learn some stuff about me that they probably don't know. And I know my family's extremely emotional and a lot of times we're all working. We're all on the move. We're all on the go. But I think it's gonna be something cool to talk about once they read it. Yeah. What do you think is going to shock them the most or surprise them the most or something you think that they're going to be?

47:17Maybe even, is there anything that would make them uneasy? I don't think anything is going to be uneasy. Some of it would probably be funny because I talk about some of me and my brother's childhood growing up. My parents never talking to us about sex, all this different type stuff. But it's going to be real cool. And I think they'll probably, I mean, I try to tell my parents how much I appreciate them all the time. But hopefully they get more of a feeling of that through the book too. Yeah. Do you think, you were talking about the hard work and the balance. And it's such a, it's something that I think all of us who are ambitious are obsessed with figuring out.

47:54Right. You want to put everything into the thing you love, the thing you were born to do. And at the same time, you realize it's meaningless if the family, the relationship, the friendships aren't there, right? We always hear the term like no one wants to be lonely at the top or it is lonely at the top. And so do you think that that makes you sacrifice success or do you think that is success is to be able to have both? It depends. It depends. If you can have both, then that's probably the ultimate goal, right? To have both, to have that success and have that balance. But the thing that I'm always battling with is that 18 years of my life, I've been in the NBA.

48:35And that is a blessing. I want to be there. I want to be there for my kids' events. I want to be a dad just like my dad was to me because I'm not where I'm at without my dad cultivating that and being there. And then there's this other side of it too, where if I was to retire and stop playing, knowing that I still got a lot left in the tank and still got the passion and whatnot, would I be this amazing dad that I want to be if I gave up my own passion? right so that's the the hard decision that's the hard decision that everyone has to make all the time and I constantly have those conversations with my kids and my wife about it and you know we ultimately sort of decided that they wouldn't like the person that's at home if I stopped playing prematurely yeah that's so real man I think that's like the that's that's the biggest realization of like how if you're not living your purpose the person you become is like a figment, like a little tiny piece of who you really are.

49:46Right. And then everyone's getting that leftover version of you. Exactly. And so it's crazy. You just never know. It's, you know, that time, you know, you won't get that time back. It ain't like you can stop playing and then call the NBA in four or five years, be like, yo, pick me back up. Yeah. You know, but also you don't get that time back with the kids. So it's what we all trying to figure out. Yeah. if you were in that tape, if you were there at that birthday, what would you have said? Oh, man. I'm sure it's a tape somewhere from one of those other birthdays, but I know I would have just talked about how my granddad was my best friend, you know, and how I was happy for him to be there.

50:26And I probably would have said something about him not having his teeth in, you know, in that video, in the video that I seen of him, he didn't have his teeth in his mouth. So as soon as I seen him walk in and his whole face was closed up, I was like, oh, where's my granddaddy T-Vac? But I don't know. And it was crazy for me because like I said, I'm watching this video, not knowing what it is. And then when I see it's his 60th birthday, knowing that he died literally the next year at 61, it was crazy. So I would have definitely just told him, you know, how much I love and appreciate him and probably try to get him to move in with us again.

51:02what do you think's a lesson that if he was here with us today that he'd still want you to learn or something he'd be poking at you at for oh man what do you think he'd be coaching you on right now probably all the texts that I get my temper probably but I don't know I think the biggest thing that my granddad would be proud of if he was still here was just that our family is still together you know what I mean I think that's the biggest thing that he'd be proud of because he had my mom and he had my Aunt Rhonda, right? And so the fact that even in LA, that's where my wife and kids lives, where my brother lives, that's where my Aunt Rhonda's kids, AJ and Koya live, like all the holidays, we all still get together even after all this time.

51:50And I think that's what he'd be most proud of. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's like when I'm reading the book, I had the bird's eye view note of what had happened in your experience, but then to read it and to get the real context of the depth of your relationship with your grandpa, which then when you read about what happens, you're like, you know, that like, it gets you, right? Like, it gets me. I wasn't close with my granddad at all. I never, I barely met my dad's dad and I was never really that close to my mom's dad. And so I didn't, I don't have, I can't even say I know how you feel because I don't even have that context.

52:30But I felt close to your relationship with your granddad because of how you describe him. And then, I mean, there's no words to describe it for it to happen just in the most tragic way that you could lose someone you love. And the way you find out, the way you rush over there, like, yeah, that whole moment when I'm reading it, it was like, I can't imagine how tough it is to relive that. for you as you're writing it out? And why was it so important to share that piece? And why did it mean so much to you to share that piece? Yeah, I think it was important for me to share it. Just selfishly, it was for me too, you know, to talk about it and also to show why I am sort of the way I am and why I'm wired the way I am.

53:19And I don't know, keep learning little things. Like throughout the book, throughout the process of writing the book, I was having to call and ask my mom some questions. That's how I found out my granddad's name was Chili. We called him Papa Chili, but called my mom. Luckily, my granddad still has a few siblings that's still alive. And that's why it's so important to ask our grandparents and things like that questions so we know our history. and I don't know. I think it was just great for me. Obviously, I want a lot of people to read it, but sometimes I was almost in the book just talking to my family because even being away from home, right?

54:02I haven't lived in Winston-Salem in 18 years and that's where all my family is. Like you were saying, your wife, like London or whatever, I grew up around all my family. So in some parts of this memoir, it's me talking to my family back home that I've been away from, from a long time and just letting them know how much I appreciate them, how much I miss them. Through a lot of these experiences too, it's taught me, I really treasure the relationship that my kids have with my parents and my wife's parents, right? Because my dad, my mom and dad, they are not the same people that raised me, right?

54:38They are not. The way they be so nice to my kids and my son in the backyard shooting basketball when he was younger and he bricking left and right. And my mama just yelling, good job, baby. No, that is not what you're supposed to be doing. But there are times when my kids will do something and I get on them and I see my dad, damn, like be easy on them. And I like, you wasn't easy on me. But because of my grandfather in that relationship, I get it. Like, I get it. When my parents would get mad at me or I'd get my butt whooped, the first person I called was my granddad. So I'm grateful for that because those relationships are really important and I want to make sure that my kids have that bond that I had too with my granddad.

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57:33If you've been waiting for the right moment, this is it. Head to waldenu.edu and take that first step. Walden University, set a course for change. Certified to operate by CHEV. Yeah, for sure. And I'm so happy to hear that. I'm so happy to hear you feel that your kids have that with your parents and Jada's parents. Yes, because when they wake up, when my parents are in town and my kids wake up in the morning, they running there first. They running there first. And I see the way that my parents light up. And seriously, I literally look at my parents and I think back to my granddad and how he must have felt.

58:12It's so crazy. What's this, 2023? My dad is 62 now. And so when my dad turned 61 last year, it was crazy emotional for me because I was like, man, this is how old my granddad was when I lost him. And it's crazy to see my dad. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And for them to have him in health and greatness. I think the part that really blew my mind is you saying how you found a way to have empathy and some sort of forgiveness for the four individuals that assaulted your grandfather. And I think having to relive it again when the case gets opened up again, you know, to deal with it up until 2021, I think it was.

59:03Like, you know, it's like that, having to go through it is the worst thing anyway. And then to have to relive it again and for it to be opened up and for innocence to be the topic of conversation and for then again for it to close. Like, but for you to be in a place where you said it's taken you a long time, but you feel like there's a certain level of empathy. I'm like, that is, I mean, walk us through the journey, not the end because the end is the hard part. Yeah, the journey is tough because in the immediate reaction, oh yeah, like I said in the book, I had some family members who was going to handle it themselves.

59:45But it was, I don't know, it took a while, But then you start to realize no matter what happens, he's not coming back. I couldn't get him back. And I don't know if it was just getting older or the way that I watch shows. You start learning about the prison system and all this different type stuff. And you just start realizing that people make mistakes, sometimes bigger than others. But being incarcerated for that long of a time, you know what I mean? And if you can show that you're remorseful and everything, that everything has happened, that's when I definitely think you need a second chance at this thing.

1:00:27Did you ever receive any remorse or apology or any sort of thing from them or that never happened? No, no, never. And what's crazy is, like I said, when that case got reopened, that was one of the first times. It was the first time that I actually started finding out details about the case. because you think about, like I said, I was in college and my parents wouldn't let me go. They wouldn't let me go to any other court hearings or anything like that. And over the years, I tell you my Aunt Rhonda, she the one that'd be on top of everything. And it was a few times that I used to ask her, I used to be like, Auntie, show me what the boys look like.

1:01:07And she would pull up a picture or whatnot. And that was hard to even look at because you start questioning and asking why like hell why would you do this but as time goes on you just you just try to heal that's that's huge man to to never hear the apology and remorse and to almost to accept an apology you never received in order to rise above i mean that that's like i mean that's i mean i was gonna ask you what do you think is the toughest thing you've ever done i'm like that sounds like the toughest thing anyone's ever had to do yeah for sure it's definitely one of them like i said i think it was the unexpected situation as far as my granddad and in the book like i really like detail you know when traumatic things happen you sort of tend to remember everything down to i remember scuffing my jordans yeah you know i mean uh right there by the by the gym and it was crazy it was just a whirlwind how everything happened that went from the best day on the 14th, seriously, like a movie, the 14th signing my letter of intent to the 15th that happened, and you start to realize that, I don't know, like, I'm right here thinking about it.

1:02:23Yeah, yeah, I love that. When people call you sometimes now or whatnot, like, you always hope for the best, but expect the worst. You know, when somebody says, yo, did this happen? You know what I mean? Even though that one situation happened, it sort of almost gets you on edge whenever something happens. Yeah. Well, I think that the book is genuinely like, it's a beautiful dedication to your grandpa. Like it is like, I can't imagine anyone in the world who wouldn't be super proud to be honored in that way. Like it's such a beautiful honoring of a person that you loved. And I don't think I've ever read a memoir that felt like an honoring of someone else.

1:03:03Man, I appreciate it. I really mean that It's like I was reading I was like You know Obviously you shared You do share so much About yourself But so much about yourself Is in him For sure And from him And so You know To read something Where someone honors Like almost offering Your life as an honoring To him Is To do that in a memoir Is very very special It's like very special How many books Have you written? Written at two Two? I'm on my third Oh yeah This is one And that was That took a while Because like you said I wanted you to be able to feel like what I was experiencing and what I was going through.

1:03:39And it's cool. It's really cool. It's really cool to hear that you read it all. That sort of made me nervous when you said that too. Because it's probably not always going to be the best or whatnot. But if somebody can draw any experience from it, right? Any experience from it. And I think then that was a win. Yeah. And I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted you to know, you know, I just, I feel like when I, when I started to dive into you and it, I was just like, I just needed to feel like I had a real grasp of what you'd gone through to, to, to honor you in this way as well. Like when I sit down with someone, I feel like I'm trying to, to some degree, appreciate and honor their life because it's my ability to also capture your, you as a, as a human.

1:04:28And even, even the name, like I remember when the book first came on my desk and I was trying to figure out like i didn't get the physical version but the digital version when it first came to me i was like oh 61 interesting and i started diving into everything around it and what it what did it feel like when in that game you you know when you talk about all the feelings that rushed through your head of like oh that's the record of jordan at 67 and you know i feel like when you're in that place so many things are flashing in between your eyes like Just walk us through that. It was crazy because, like I said, the high school that we played against was my mom's old high school, Parkland.

1:05:06And the most I scored in a game up to then might have been like 34 or 36. And I know that when death happens or things happen for me, a lot of times I get quiet. And a lot of times that's because I'm just trying to collect my thoughts or trying to breathe. I don't necessarily know what I'm always thinking, but I knew that I wanted to try to honor my granddad somehow, some way. And I didn't want everybody to know. I'm one of those people that just try to get it done, right? Get it done. And when it happened, and I had 59, and I drove, and I scored the 61st point, I think about it. That was 20 years ago, right?

1:05:5220 years ago. So I couldn't foresee that I would be in the NBA, all this different type stuff. But that was the highlight, right? And I just never forget being so tired and exhausted because emotionally I'd been drained, right? Had literally been drained. And seeing my dad over there on the bench and my brother or whatnot just made it that much more emotional. And I knew right then that all my family was in town or whatnot. And that's something that would always connect us for the rest of our lives. Yeah. I think for so many people who went through something like that 20 years ago, it's easy for all of us on the outside to look back now and see how incredible it is.

1:06:36But for so many people, that would have been a very valid reason to give up on their dream or for it to not happen because it derails you and it can derail your life. And that would be completely valid. But to actually look back at it now and go, this career is dedicated to this person through your lens, it's remarkable to think that you can find the courage to step up again and go from that. Yeah. I think what's even crazier for me, probably at this point in my life, is that I've actually been without my grandfather longer than I was with him, right? And I never think about that. You sort of just live or whatnot, but there is literally almost nothing that I can do on a daily basis that I don't think about him.

1:07:22And what's crazy is in the book, I think I said something about one of his favorite scriptures being Philippians 4.13, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. In that video, I just found when he's standing up thanking everybody for coming to his birthday thing, he says that. And it gave me goosebumps he says that in the video so one thing about it i'm gonna tell my daddy to keep keep finding videos because it's uh it's it's really nice to have yeah and that's not the watch though that's a different one no no no this isn't the watch but uh vacheron right this is a 222 yeah i literally got this watch because it looks looks like the one yeah the way you described it i was Yes, this watch looks like it.

1:08:11I mean, I think I talk about how strict my parents were growing up. There was no earrings, no nothing like this or whatnot, no tattoos or whatnot. But last summer, I got this tattoo right here, which is Chevron logos, right, for my granddad. Yeah. I love getting to do this because even just sitting with you right now, I'm thinking in my head I'm so grateful that I came out today to sit with you, to have this opportunity because, you know, it takes a lot of courage to sit with someone and for them to open up in this way. And obviously you have a book to do it. And I was really fortunate to have the same experience to sit down with Kobe in 2019.

1:08:532019. 2019, yeah. 2019 it would have been. It was literally like two months before his tragic accident. So I got to interview him and we didn't know each other in the same way we don't know each other. I felt like there was a real connection. It was such a gravitas and such a presence when he spoke and just his demeanor with the team and just everything. And even today, like, you know, I think when you talk about not being able to play with someone, but knowing what could have been, but you, again, even today, you were like, you look up and, you know, honor him in that way. Like, how do you navigate what ifs in your career?

1:09:34I feel like that again as an athlete is such a skill because there's so many what ifs. Like, what if I did that? Played it that way? Played with this? Like, you know, and so talk us through that because I think even in life, like that's what your whole book about. Just for everyone who's listening, Chris's whole book is about what his granddad tore him off the court, which applies on the court and then on the court lessons that apply off the court. And there's this beautiful synergy. But I think there are so many people listening and watching right now who live their life in what ifs. Yep. and you've had a lot of what ifs that's the big one you call out in the book how do you how do you breathe and live through that you know what it's 24 chapters in my book you know what i mean as a tribute to kobe you know what i mean and i was actually on the phone with adam silver yesterday and i brought up a kobe quote talking to him and i actually talked to vanessa every now and then too um that's probably one of the coolest if not the best award that i've gotten since I've been in the NBA was a year before last.

1:10:32They started a Kobe and Gigi award and I was able to get the first one that they did. And so Kobe was just different, right? And the way he approached things, but the way we competed against each other. And I think in the book, what I keep talking about when you say the what ifs, right? I always say if there was one thing that I could change in my entire career, it wouldn't be wins and losses. It would be how I rehabbed after my very first surgery. So I had surgery on my meniscus back in 2009. And I was so young, 2009, 2010. And I was so young at the time that it was like, all right, they did the surgery.

1:11:17Okay, I'm going to be fine. Didn't really take rehab that serious because I was just so young. It was like, okay, they fixed it. I'm going to be fine. But because of that, I've had so many different things over my career, different hamstring things or whatnot. And me and my agent was talking about it the other day. But sort of the story of my career has been the different situations that have happened over my career, how I've learned from them. Right. So an injury that I had. Right. It taught me something. And I was like, OK, I'm going to figure out how this is going to make me better. I get traded or whatnot.

1:11:57Okay, they feel like I ain't performing well enough or I'm not playing enough games. How is this going to make me better? So every time something has happened, like I talk about in the book, the craziest thing, probably one of the craziest things in my career was that injury in Houston when I got hurt and we were a game away from going to the NBA finals. And so had that not happened, had I not hurt my hamstring that year and then hurt it again the next year, I don't think I still would be playing in the league right now. Because all of that stuff was a wake up call to me. It was like, I got to change something.

1:12:35I got to change something. I got to figure this out. And once all that stuff happens, right? So if you sit around, and I'll tell you this, if you sit around and dwell on that what if too long, somebody going to pass you by. You know, so if you're sitting over there trying to figure out what if, somebody else over here is going to take your job. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. And I love that idea. If this happened, what can I do better? If this happened, what can I do better? That mentality of like continuous improvement and rededication as opposed to… Exactly. Instead of what if, it might be what's next.

1:13:11You know what I mean? Because, yeah, you can sit back and chill and me and Kobe every now and then and be like, man, we play together. We play together. yeah, but everybody can't do it, but I can compartmentalize that. I can talk about this what if, but I'm still, you know, I still got my eye on what the goal is. Yeah, yeah. I think a lot of us live in what if, but we all have to learn to live in what is. And then what's next, as you said, because that's what we have. Yep. And I love hearing that. It's great, but what I appreciate is, it's a nuance. It's really subtle what you just said there, and I want people to appreciate it because what you're saying is I can feel this way.

1:13:51I can compartmentalize it and I can move on. And I think that's super healthy because I think a lot of us pretend like we don't have what ifs. Right. Like it's easy to walk. And I love what you just talked about with your injury. It's a lot, it's very easy to walk around and be like, I've got no regrets. I have no what ifs in my life. But the truth is we all have them. Yeah. And if you don't address them, they're going to come up somewhere. Exactly. But you're saying, no, you have it, compartmentalize it and then focus on what next. That really resonates. Otherwise, you're going to be sitting around telling them high school stories or whatnot that don't nobody care about no more.

1:14:23Yeah, and that happens to all of us. We can all live in nostalgia and walk down memory lane. Chris, this has been such an honor to sit with you. Is there something that I haven't asked you or something that's in your heart and mind right now before I have a couple more questions? But is there anything that I haven't asked you or something that's in your heart and mind right now that you really want to share that you feel I haven't touched on? No, just the appreciation for this and being able to talk and tell my story through the book. And I hope people can really feel that it was really about that.

1:14:57It was about letting people understand and know about me and make sure that people understand that, look, my family, like anybody else, has got their issues. everybody isn't all like loving and all this stuff on each other at all times i mean extended family or whatnot but at the end of the day it's my family you know and as long as you you know try to work through different things with you and yours i promise you um you know you'll appreciate it in the end yeah i love that well chris we end every on purpose episode with a final five and these ones have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.

1:15:35But I always change the rules. So we'll try. Chris, what's the best advice? And I'm guessing it's going to be from grandpa, but what's the best advice you've ever heard or received? Never delay gratitude. That was actually from my college coach, Skip Prosser. Walk us through that, actually. I want to hear more. Yeah, never delay gratitude. and that means, you know, if you're grateful or thankful for anything, be sure and tell people. You know, be sure and tell people, like, I don't care where I'm at, what's going on, whenever I get off the phone with my parents, my wife, my kids or whatnot, it's always I love you.

1:16:12You know, those times when you say you're going to tell somebody something in the morning or something like that, like you just never, you absolutely never know what's going to happen, so never delay gratitude. And that was a coach who said that to you. How did that apply to sport? And why did he introduce? Because that's so interesting to get from a basketball coach. Yeah, so I talk about Coach Prosser a lot in the books. Yeah, of course. Because he's one of the three most influential men in my life. And he just had all of these sayings, right? Never delay gratitude. If you can't be on time, be early.

1:16:44Don't be a two to four guy. Be a four to two guy. And it was just all these different things. And the reason that never delay gratitude thing, how it related to sports, was it's hard to win a game, right? It's hard to win one game, let alone make it to the playoffs. Like our coach the other night when we clinched to make it to the playoffs in the locker room, he just told everybody, he said, listen, I'm grateful for you guys. We always talk about gratitude. It's a lot of teams that's going home and going on vacation, but don't take it for granted that you get a chance to play in the playoffs. Yeah, that's awesome, man.

1:17:21I love that. I think a lot of young athletes who are listening, or if you have kids who are young athletes, that's great advice because often that kind of softer touch is missed. You don't think it's there something. Yeah, but when I say never delay gratitude, I also mean for kids to your parents. When I'm at my basketball camps, I always make all the kids stand up and turn around and tell their parents thanks. Because like I said in the book, my dad spent his entire 401k on me and my brother playing tribal basketball. So that's where these kids, they get to go do all these camps and all this stuff and don't delay gratitude.

1:17:54Tell your parents thank you because every kid is not getting that opportunity. Yeah. Actually, I want to take a side note on that because one of the things I was blown away by in your journey is just how much purpose and giving back and service is such a big part of how your foundation, the way it's set up, when you walk through the murder and the death of George Floyd and Black Lives Matter and then how you're dealing with it in the bubble and of course with your role at the time and you talk about how like you changed the messaging three times. They went from peace to, I forgot what the other one was.

1:18:28Say her name. Yeah, say it. I think it was equality. Equality, yeah, correct. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And you shift through it. And I was just thinking like, there's just so much intention in your life. With all the work that you've chosen to do, what's been kind of like a meaningful fruit or result that you've seen that has really... It's a lot of different things. And I'm fortunate to have an amazing team that works with me or whatnot because obviously I'm dealing with a lot of different things on a given day and trying to be the best athlete that I can be. But they're constantly bringing different things saying, hey, would you like to support this or could you do this?

1:19:06And I'm always trying to as much as I can. And I think the most valuable thing that I have is time. So even if it's before a game or after a game, giving a young kid an opportunity to watch me warm up or taking a picture with him and just giving him your undivided attention for five minutes is one of the most valuable things that you can do with anybody. Yeah, absolutely. And I just I want to read this out because it's so it's so powerful. So last March, Chris was the only athlete appointed to President Biden's advisory board on historically black colleges and universities. and that's been, I mean, that's incredible that you've become a spokesperson and a champion for that.

1:19:47Is there some of the work there that's resonated or some stories that you think? Oh, man. Probably so many. Yeah, well, we got a lot of different things. What we've done is, me and my brother a few years ago and then Carmen actually did it too, we went to this business class at Harvard with Anita Elbers, a BIMS class, business education. management sports, I think. And after going to that class at Harvard, we were like, why isn't this curriculum or course offered at HBCUs? And we got to work and Anita helped with it. And now we have that course at a few different HBCUs. Right. So just always trying to figure out how we can make some type of impact.

1:20:35Equality again. Exactly. Equal access to education. It's incredible. I'm glad we went there, actually. Second question. What is the worst advice you've ever heard or received? Worst advice? That cheese tastes good. Cheese is disgusting. Like, seriously, I've never had a cheeseburger. Macaroni and cheese. None of that. It's disgusting. I thought you took my cheeses in money. No, no, no. You're being literal. Literally cheese. Yeah, yeah, literal. Okay, literal. So you don't like cheese? At all. At all? No. Not even on pizza? No, no, no, no. I'm cool. No cheesy fries? No. Okay. Hey, no. This is good to know.

1:21:13My brother, when we used to get home from school, he used to go in the refrigerator and get the blocker cheese. What is that? I don't even know. Oh, that string cheese kind of like. I think I know what you're talking about. Yeah. I don't know. He used to have to take plastic off the side and eat it. Yeah, yeah. And doing nothing but putting mucus all in his body. Nasty. Awesome. Question number three. How would you define your current purpose? You know, basketball and athlete, that's what I do, not necessarily all of who I am, but just trying to help make a difference in different aspects of life, whether it be HBCUs, whether it be health and wellness.

1:21:52I think that's been a big thing that I've become passionate about the past four or five years is trying to figure out how to make some of these health things more accessible, right? And make people more aware. Like I'm always curious about this, that, whatever it may be. I'm so curious about water and the things that people are eating and all these different type things and trying to make sure that other people become aware like I am. And the other biggest purpose is whatever I have to do for my family, right? Whatever I have to do for my family, especially my wife and kids is just trying to figure out how I can continue to pour into them.

1:22:35Question number four, what's your reaction to the title Point Guard? Oh, man. The Point Guard thing has been, it's crazy. I don't even know when it started. I don't even know when it started, but it's a privilege, right? Like an honor, basically, that people see you playing the game the right way. Now, it ain't some like worshiping thing or whatnot, but I get really like kind of shy and bashful when people say that or whatnot. But it's cool to be even in that consideration and playing for as long as I played. That's dope. Fifth and final question. If you could create, we ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show.

1:23:19If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Take your time. Ooh wee. one law that everybody in the world had to follow what would it be and take your time there's no rush oh that's everybody gotta get them guns up man everybody everybody come turn them in everybody come turn them in everybody so we got some beef or something like that or somebody gotta do something you got to fight it out you got to fight it out I don't know that was the first thing came to my head yeah yeah yeah that's awesome thank you Chris Paul everyone Chris incredible memoir 61 make sure you go and grab it we're going to put the link in the comments and the captions across the board I want you to go read this book if you're already a fan of Chris you're going to love it if you're learning about Chris through this you're going to love it even more because it's it's truly a remarkable story of love of sacrifice of connection of generations passing on beautiful lessons you've got like four or five generations in the book being talked about so I hope you go and grab a copy of 61 Chris Poyle it's been a pleasure and honor sitting down with you honestly thank you You're a real one, man.

1:24:27This has been one of my favorite interviews, honestly, because you're so present. When I was sitting with your book, it felt that way. And to sit with you and to watch you thinking and to watch you visualize it and to watch you telling it from memory. And then for you to share that story about finding that tape or your father finding that tape. I mean, just really grateful, man. Thank you for this. I appreciate you, Joey. Thank you. Thank you, man. If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Kobe Bryant on how to be strategic and obsessive to find your purpose. Our children have become less imaginative about how to problem solve, and parents and coaches have become more directive in trying to tell them how to behave versus teaching them how to behave.

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